Category Archives: RECOVER

Sociopaths and Confusion: Shut Up and Shut Up

We ask: who does that?!
Our eyes get huge, our stomachs churn.
Confusion floods our entire body and mind.
We say: why can’t they just ____ ?!

Sociopaths and confusion. These two things go together like cock roaches and outdoor industrial garbage bins. Confusion reigns when we’re around one of these people. Their very presence causes a dizziness that we, as normal humans interpret as excitement: because we don’t know that what they are exists. Even when they say something strange, we balance it with an interpretation of it as fitting into “normal” or having an explanation that’s acceptable or passably normal. Our state of mind when we’re entrapped or mesmerized, or admire or love them is confusion.

There are two reasons for this. Let’s start with one of them. The reason we’ll get into is that as normal people all we can do is try to understand them from the way we experience life. From our point of view. The pathological user does not share our point of view of life in any way whatsoever. They don’t think as we do, feel as we do, or do anything as we do. So, looking for a reason for their actions and nutty words through the lens of our normal lives is only going to make us more confused.

Step Into a New Land

As normal-old, every day, tax-paying, Netflix watching humans, we look at the world and all the people in it from the point of view of what we are: good. It might be difficult to see, but if you’re a regular person, you’re good.

Truly, no matter your politics, no matter your religion, if you have people you love and care for: you’re fundamentally normal. – And every normal one of us can only see others through the eyes of what we are fundamentally and what we already know to be so through experience. – Fortunately, we can take in new information, new insights, and new perspectives and so: see things anew.

We Are Fundamentally Good

While in confusion, we look at what the sociopath (narcissist) does and says through our own hearts. And further then, we interpret and respond to what they do and say based on the things we all, as normal whole-humans, generally believe and know to be the way things are.

And this is the root of how and why we flail in these long and hard and devastating rides through hell with these beasts of destruction and stay wounded long after they fly away. In order to restore our lives, we need to see them for what they are rather than through what we are.

The basics of what they’re after doesn’t change.

Schedule recovery coaching here

Sociopaths Live in an Alternate Universe Right Here in Ours

They want to do whatever they want to do. And they don’t want to be stopped. In order for this to happen, they need us to shut up. And to put out; put out our stuff, our money, our emotions. – And this happens when we don’t know what they are and what that means.

The sociopath does not dwell in the same space we do. They are here physically, but that’s where our similarities and understanding – as it were – end and our confusion begins.

It’s very, very, very difficult to get to a place where we can see these people precisely and exactly for what they are. It’s traumatic and must be waded into gently and slowly. The brutality of their actual minds is incomprehensible to us.

We can, however, form glimpses of it in tiny flashes frequently enough that the spell is utterly broken and we step back into ourselves. – This is what I show people how to do in sessions.

No Time to Delay

Once we hone it, this skill of recognizing a pathological user for what they are stays with us. There are clear instant-takes on the depths of monster in anyone around us. When this is a skill we’ve attained there is no sociopath (narcissist) that can get inside our lives.

Healthy whole humans are wired to bond and connect as survival. Pathological users are wired to use others as survival.

Additionally, in this skill, we benefit by being more perceptive and aware and sensitive and appreciative of kind and good. And amazingly, we can see the shades of nuance in all people of all emotional make-ups. We beam when we see the variations of kindness. The connection and human bonding that is the cornerstone of human survival and the key to thriving becomes ours. – Freedom, complete freedom.

Sessions begin where you are

We’ve Got the Power

By seeing them for what they are, we effectively diffuse the pathological predators’ and users’ ability to use and destroy people. We are their saving grace and our own.

Can we linger any longer in the confusion? Do we have any more time to give people-of-harm the benefit of the doubt? Let’s cut the frills. How about we stop adding in our emotions and feelings and ideas of what is in their minds and behind their actions. Let’s strip what’s happening down to the bone and see what it really is.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast

The Pathological User is a Heartless Parasite

There are only two things that a sociopath, any sociopath, all sociopaths – narcissists – care about and want: to do whatever they want – and not be stopped.

In order for this to happen, they need us to shut up. And to put out. Shut up refers to not asking questions, not expecting anything in particular. And defending them. Put out refers to the myriad things they gain from us: money, places to live, support, cars, respectability by being seen with us, access to a group or country, a facade of professionalism, property, sex, our defending them, our vote, our protection and so on and on and on.

This is precisely and only what they care about. This happens when we don’t know what they are and what that means. Fundamentally they are not good. Inside their minds and hearts, they are 100% different than we are. Healthy whole humans are wired to bond and connect as survival. Pathological users are wired to use others for survival.

Predators, Users and People with Narcissistic Glitches

There is a difference between someone who has some emotional hang-ups and snags that lead them to turn lots of things back to the subject of themselves. This is very, very different than a sociopath, the antisocial psychopath: predator, pathological user, con man, and con woman.

Trust your gut on the level of danger someone is, rather than your brain and thoughts that float around your head, such as, well they were nice after they called me an idiot. Please, also question and reconsider the notion that someone is the way they are due to a troubled childhood (every sociopath’s – narcissist’s – excuse for being cruel).

The Benefit of the Doubt Based On New Knowledge

It’s normal to make reasons for what they did that shed a benevolent light upon them. That’s what we are as humans: people who feel good is what makes the world go round. – And it does. So, let’s make that good force stronger, protect that good by understanding and accepting – and so diffusing – the malevolent element that also exists.

Sorry to bear the hard news, but if we can’t get to a place where we can clearly see that there are indeed people whose hearts are not full of good, but instead are full of arrogance to a degree that it will slit our throats, full or rage to a level of darkness that it would make our head split open if we could feel it even for a millisecond we won’t recover fully from our own personal time in a “relationship” with one of these people. And then surely we won’t reconcile and restore good on a larger scale.

Let’s End the Confusion: We Hold the Future in Our Hands

Truly, at this time, be willing to take a step further into realizing: we make the world the way it is. We create our own lives. By thought, word, and deed. By our perception, our beliefs, our actions.

Let’s put a stop to confusion. How about we take on the task of deciphering the reality of our own experience? Remove the personal, because these people-of-prey don’t see us as individuals that we are. We are objects to make use of so they can do whatever they want and not be stopped. – The thing is, when we know this, they are stopped.

This clearing of the confusion within our own experience transfers to clearing the confusion and stopping the malevolent on the world stage. Who knew when we fell into their trap that we were signing up to be activists for the humanity of humankind!?

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Look into guided recovery coaching here.

Time to Thrive!

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

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Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2022 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2020_06_23 2024_04_14

Narcissism Leaves No Room for Caring

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Narcissism is a hot topic these days. Narcissism comes up as a discussion point at any dinner party, on a girl’s night out, at a hang, or during a pub crawl. It’s spiked all over the place.

Personally, the topic comes up almost everywhere I go! I don’t know why… but people start talking to me in the Trader Joe’s line on the track at the park and… voila. They’re describing their experience with a sociopath. Maybe I have an invisible sign on my forehead!

Complete Narcissism Heeds No Boundaries and Eclipses Normal

coaching after narcissistic abuse and coercive control with Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

For certain they tell me about someone they consider pathologically steeped in narcissism. Usually a person they were in a romantic relationship with… or thought they were. One that took them to their knees.

Naturally, we’re confused, befuddled, and boggled that a person could actually not care. Well, a normal person can’t *not* care. A pathologically narcissistic person does actually not care.

A pathologically narcissistic human is a sociopath: Take The Sociopath Test, this will give you an idea of what they are…

There’s No Such Thing as A “Narcissist”…?

You might be calling them a “narcissist” and think they are the way they are due to a wounded childhood – that’s fine. However, this is in reference to the non-pathological – not the pathological.

The pathologically narcissistic are these monsters who hijack people’s lives. The ones who lie and lie and lie – even when they wouldn’t need to in order to benefit. They are the way they are because this is what they are…it’s how their brains are wired and cannot be undone. – These are sociopaths…and technically they’re psychopaths.

This is really difficult to imagine, take in, and accept. As a step in this, consider what limits your scope of understanding and which viewpoints might hinder recovering and restoring your life.

If you still have questions, get yourself some sessions.

Set up or read about sessions here

Sociopaths aka Narcissists aka Psychopaths Are Real

Here’s a great rule of thumb: if you’re suspecting someone in your life is a sociopath or pathologically narcissistic, they likely are. Otherwise, and truly beyond this, a diagnosis isn’t necessary. It’s our instinct we want to look to and trust.

Either you’ve had an experience you lived through with a sociopath, or you might know someone among your family or a friend who has been in this hell or maybe know a friend who’s currently in it. It’s possible you have a child or parent or family member who is a person of pathological narcissism.

I hear from clients about brothers who walk into a room at night to kill their sister or mothers who use their child’s identity to take out loans. A father or a sister can be a sociopath as well.

Sociopaths are individuals who are narcissistic to the extreme, therefore if we use our way of thinking to decern what they are doing we always miss the mark. We can decipher and parse out more of what happened and recover, and heal when we think of these people as antisocial psychopaths, sociopaths, or psychopaths. The ultimate condition of ultimate and complete narcissism.

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Guided recovery coaching

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Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Narcissism Understood For What It Is

And nowadays for me, not at all surprising, there are those who out-and-out say, yep, my dad is a sociopath. Or my last boyfriend was a sociopath, an absolute psycho. And, my brother’s wife is one, we haven’t been allowed to see him or their kids in two years.

A person of the kind of narcissistic pathology we’re concerned with has no other physiological or biological, mental, emotional spiritual way to interact with others.

The next thing I hear most often is, I’m not sure what they are. Something’s wrong. But how do you know if someone’s a sociopath or just dysfunctional in relationships?

Toxic People Are Seen in Their Behavior

The person we’re experiencing pain with or have great conflicting confusion about is best analyzed through their behavior. It’s what’s key.

As a parent to someone of this pathology, it’s surely noticed long before they’re unable to form relationships of a romantic nature as an adult. As someone dating one of these nut jobs, it’s truly seen from moment one and we can learn to recognize that.

Narcissism Leaves No Room For Caring

This pathology does not allow relationships of any kind. The goal and motivation of one of these pathological users are to do whatever they please and to get away with it. Additionally, their only ability to “connect” or “relate” to others is to make use of them for their personal gain.

A person with the kind of narcissistic pathology we’re concerned with has no other physiological or biological, mental, emotional spiritual way to interact with others. They quite consciously and deliberately attempt to wear a mask of normal.

Seeing Clearly is Key

It’s very often us, as people who feel we love them or grew up with them or have gone into business with them who imbue them with emotional qualities. We create explanations for their behavior that are “feelings” based.

If you hear yourself saying, “well, she was abused by her uncle”, or “he had a rough childhood” – be wary. When we think, “well, yeah, he did that, but it’s because he feels bad about himself because of_____. Stop yourself before you paint that picture. We create reasons for their behavior; reasoning that does not exist in their psyche or heart.

We imagine the reasons for their actions and fill in an emotional life to explain their behaviors that in fact do not exist within the life of the pathological user. Reasons that are not at all the user’s motivation. – This is one way in which it can be said, we create the mask.

We Are Not in Relationships Though We Feel We Are

These people know they are not in the so-called “relationship” for the reason the non-pathological (normal) person is.

Survival is found in counting on the normal person not knowing their true intention. Their existence requires deception and fraud and this is the nature of any and all of their “relationships”.

Taking, Using, Deception and Fraud are Rooted in Narcissism

In practice, you see pathological users of the sociopath ilk use others for money, places to live, respectability by the association to someone, for connections to others to make use of, for anything and everything.

We usually discover “other women”, debt, overspending of our money, porn, messages of a personal nature to people we’ve never heard of, hidden run-ins with legal issues, and things like DUIs. There’s typically a general vagueness to how they spend their day no matter how busy they make themselves out to be.

Narcissism Leaves Pain, Confusion, and Despair

The trail of harm and hurt and destroyed people these creatures leave in their wake does not faze them in the least. Here’s where we go off track deciphering their actions: the pain and destruction aren’t necessarily their goal. It’s not typically their initial goal upon first engaging with someone in a faux-lationship.

Our pain and ruin do signal to them that we don’t understand what they’re up to or their true intentions and feelings about us. Ever notice the smirk?

This is their pride showing; their narcissistic pride in a job well done from their point of view. The tears and accusations signal we’re emotionally hooked and involved. This is all they need.

If a pathological user enjoys observing others’ pain, our suffering is an extra bonus. When they’re the kind of pathological user and predator who enjoys seeing people in pain and this is their predominant desire, then our pain is their goal. These particular narcissistic users are soemtimes focused on scamming someone and are more focused on creating pain and torture. Some do both.

Narcissism to a Pathological Degree Disallows Caring

They genuinely do not care. There is no ability to care within them. This brain pathology leaves them unable to care. This is to say, they don’t make a decision to “not care”. That kind of decision would be a choice made that comes from weighing things out between caring and not caring; a choice that comes from caring. This is impossible.

They literally and starkly and completely do not care. Any suggestion of caring is a lie and a piece of bait in order to get something they want or leave the impression that they too are normal and trustworthy.

The notion that they care, comes from us. A quality or character trait of “caring” about or for someone else is not within them. It is indeed a quality that makes up our entire being.

Making Use Of Others Requires That We Don’t See Them

It’s normal that we don’t see this for what it is. No one can see something that we don’t know exists. We’re all in the process of realizing this dark and destructive empty, non-connecting element of human life does exist. It’s a lot to take in.

We can take it in, and we must for our wholeness and our well-being. We get to remain fully human and empathetic and gorgeously human and at the same time learn what a pathological predator is and how to recognize them. When we do know how to spot them they are left powerless.

When we can escape, heal, recover and restore our lives to one of gorgeous humanism including this new wisdom we win for ourselves and for all humankind.

As we recover from our own entanglement, the piece that must be woven into the recovery process and come out fully knitted together on the other side, is in knowing how the pathological user – the narc, narcissist, sociopath – sees the world, how they think and what that truly means. If this is missing, the restoration of our lives is compromised. This is when we look like scrumptious dinners to the next user who sees us.

It’s us gaining the skills to recognize and know a pathological user or predator for precisely what they are and what they intend on sight, no matter what is coming off their keyboard or out of their mouths, that leaves us user-proof forever. – This great empathy, this incredible skill we have to read others’ feelings… This is our saving grace not at all a weakness or downfall.

Defusing Narcissism, Unmasking Their Intent Is Up To Us

The day that comes when enough of us can see them as they are, then all of us will. This is the phenomenon known as a collective consciousness and the tipping point. When enough of us have this knowledge all will.

As people who’ve experienced this directly, we’re here carrying out a service, we’re turning our suffering into a mission that will, in fact, diffuse the harm. We’re pretty amazing. When we can escape, heal, recover and restore our lives to one of gorgeous humanism including this new wisdom we win for ourselves and for all humankind.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2020_03_10 2023_05_30

Toxic Language: Limiting Words

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We are amazing, awesome and courageous.
We are in control of our destiny
and can change, chose and be free.

Toxic language and limiting words can limit, stop, misdirect or control us. Those unfortunate words can come from others, or ourselves.

sociopath awareness narcissistic abuse recovery

It might seem too simple to think we can change our lives with words, but amazingly we can.

When we become aware of our words, those we say out loud, and those we say in our own head where no one else is listening we can change our lives.

How deeply would you like to recovery?

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Mean Words Hurt: Toxic Words Do Too

Toxic language comes from toxic people. We’re pretty all sure about that. But, how many of us realize that using those same limiting words has a good chance of becoming a habit for healthy people?

Let’s talk about the effect words we oursleves use have within our own lives. We can influence our own outcome and feelings, thoughts and actions with our words. This is so beneficial as we fend our way through discovery-recovery from hell and broken to whole and back to ourselves plus extra.

We are amazing, awesome and courageous. We are in control of our destiny and can change, chose and be free.

The power of words is astonishing! Poison words, toxic words, stop words, dysfunctional words: limiting language makes anyone including ourselves less fun to be around. Language is connected to our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and actions.

The words we choose affect our feelings, thoughts, emotions and what we do. And all of this package of self affects our life and circumstances. This is an amazing tool for recovery and healing. Our language is tied to living our lives positively, energetically, with hope and reaching our goals.

Toxic Language and Neuro-Linguistic Programing

One thing I’ve realized is a deeper awareness of words; others words but more importantly my own words including those whispsered inside my head that no one else hears.

We can change our thinking, our emotions, and our actions by changing our words. This is a simple place to start when we want to eliminate limits and fill our life with positivity.

Neuro-linguistic programming is the science behind it; common sense when you think about it is how we can think of it, and changing those poison words to phenomenal words is how we experience it.

The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Examples of Limiting Language

Let’s try an experiment; read these words and see how you feel; say them out loud. Here’s the words that stop, limit or end possibility. Words and toxic language that make hope go down, ideas fizzle, positivity wane:

Don’t, Doesn’t
Can’t, Won’t
Always, Never
Should, Could
Would, Might
Try, Need to
But, However

What’s Behind Our Thoughts and Actions is Found in Our Language

If this idea of neuro-linguistic programming and how our language both reflects and influences our thoughts, emotions, and actions you might like to know more from the leading theorist in the field of neuro-linguistic programming, Noam Chomsky. Mr. Chomsky does use his theories within political ideas, you may or may not agree with his politics, fair warning.

Let’s agree that we’re concerned with neuro-linguistic programming, and applying it to our benefit in our own lives rather than politics. Plus there are some good books out there about neuro-linguistic programming… even the for Dummies! series has an excellent book on NLP. – It’s on my bookshelf ; )

Language That Moves Us In the Direction of Our Dreams and Goals

Toxic words and poison, limiting language aren’t something I made up! Though I did instinctively use an aspect of NLP in my own recovery and now call Self-Talk and offer as a method in discovery-recovery sessions to support our way out of PTSD.

These toxic words are real and really limit, stop, and leave people flat and without a solution. They stop forward movement. Toxic language limits progress, creativity, going forward, and going for goals.

Words build us up or bring us down. Language, the finest snip of a collection of words, or one word all on its own inspire or deflate us.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re talking with a friend:

You: I might try to lose some weight; I need to lose 25 pounds.
Friend: You always say that. You’re never going to do it whether you might try or not.

Okay, so not the best friend in the world, that’s a possible conclusion after this brief exchange. But, did that friend repeat and reflect our own sentiment, and thinking or did they make it up…?

How many of us could have had this conversation alone, both sides of it in our own head in two seconds flat? How many of us do this … maybe daily, weekly, often about some desire, goal, dream or wish we have? Let’s take this example part word by word.

Toxic Language Limits Us: Even When it Comes From Us

I might = There is a lack of determination in this word: Substitute: I will
try = Hesitancy and uncertainty: Substitute: Leave this word out altogether.
to lose = Humans can’t act on a “negative”: Substitute: What we want to achieve.
I need = What’s the motivation “to lose”? (Or think, “to be” size 10, or be 130)
to lose = The goal is framed in “the negative”: Think of goals in terms of what you desire to achieve, be, or do rather than what you’ll get rid of, undo, or lose.

As an example, we can rephrase things such as, “Don’t wait for them to go no contact”, can be turned into a more open and easier to hear idea such as, “Rather than waiting for them to go no contact, we can block them.” – or – “You shouldn’t do that!”, we can transform into more uplifting concern that also conveys compassion, “Please consider doing what feels right for your well being.”

Toxic Language Replaced By Words That Enrich Our Lives

Let’s take a look at this list of toxic language and come up with an alternate for each.

Don’t – Substitute a “do” concept: don’t run, becomes: walk
Doesn’t – Substitute what does
Can’t – I can’t make Friday, becomes, can: I can make Wednesday at Noon or Tuesday.
Won’t – Shift what won’t to will. I won’t talk to you anymore: I will keep it to myself
Always – Always is a huge concept. Use it sparingly
Never – You never, they never, it will never…? See always above
- Oddly, never and always do fit all things related to a sociopath/narcissists ways of behaving. Due to their mental limitations their behavior is fixed.
Should – You should, he should, I should have. Should expresses an order or regret
Could – Could can be a great substitute for should. Other times it’s doubt-filled
Would – Usually followed by “if”. I would do it if… bargaining, blackmail, expecting someone else to do it. And “it” is often something we’re trying to get out of.
Might – I might if… dependent upon someone or something else
Try – As NIKE says… (Just) do it (More on the word “just” in another article.)
Need to – Use need to sparingly
But – But negates or disregards what came before the word but
However – Same effect as but

Freedom From Limitations Begins in our Language

Coming out of a nightmare after a predator is unbelievable. There’s no one who understands it unless they’ve been in it. There’s a bizarre exception to the above toxic language examples. You can guess when that is.

It’s when it comes to the behavior and thinking and actions of people who are without our limbic brain which connects and feels love.

This limiting and toxicity is natural within people who have an abnormal, under-functioning brain that is sociopathy. Essentially, a reptilian brain. They do always and never many things.

We can learn to use their limitations to maneuver them out of our lives and gain our safety, and absolute freedom from pathological predators. We are amazing, awesome, and courageous. We are in control of our destiny and can change, chose, and be free.

Sending all good things…

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2019_08_25 2023_01_30

3 Reasons Narcissistic Sociopaths Tell Stories

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Narcissistic sociopaths tell stories upon stories.
We hear them tell the
same story more than once.
Sometimes it’s a little different
the second time around.

Narcissistic sociopaths are notorious talkers. When the mood strikes them they yip and yap away – sometimes for hours at a time. There’s a certain “talk” that can be short or long, but it’s got a different quality. A certain perplexing aspect.

Narcissistic sociopaths tell stories. Tales that are entertaining, and then others that are like a bomb being dropped and leaving us scratching our heads. These stories are a stand-out style from the rest of their talk.

The motivation for opening up with story hour of this kind is ultimately founded in the very same concern they have behind everything they say.

That is, they open their yap to get something they want and need and at the same time to keep us hooked in. Also, they’re quite concerned – and at some times more than others – about hiding how they really feel from their black hearts, about putting a lid on what they really think, on what they really intend, and to cover up what they do or have done.

Take back your life.

Schedule your guided recovery sessions here

We Think They’re One Person: They Know They’re Another

In other words they want to hide who they really are. Because – they do know that who they really are isn’t the guy we think they are. And that guy they really are, isn’t a guy we’d stick around for.

And then – on the other hand – these stories are a dip into who they really are – and this is intentional on the part of the sociopathic nutbag. You see, it gets exhausting hiding the things they’re really up to, and they don’t give a poop about our feelings anyway, so they feel it out. This is a way to monitor their own safety and how hooked we are as well and that is the lynchpin of a sociopathic dumb-dumbs survival: their safety and being able to take and use (us) more.

These stories are a foray into showing us a snip and a bit in case – just in case – we won’t mind who they really are, or a particular habit they have. Afterall, things would be so much easier for them if we didn’t mind who they really are and the grosser and more inhuman things they do. And so, stories serve three purposes that all feed into us staying “in” no matter who they are or who we think they are. The stories are a kind of test to see what we can tolerate.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Gotta Make Sure We Side With Them

Sociopaths Tell Stories of Preempt the Truth

We tuck it away under that rug in that little corner of our mind where many strange bits of their behavior are gathering.

When they launch into a bit of a story, they’re talking with a purpose we might not register. They’re telling a version of some part of their life. It could be a retelling of some hideous things they’ve done with a pretty mist over it so that their story makes us think they didn’t do something hideous.

They do this when a fact about them might be coming to our awareness that they know would blow up the scam, such as something about kids they have or another wife, or an arrest.

This is to preempt the truth… so that when or if we do hear the truth, we’re on their side and won’t believe the truth no matter the source.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Schedule your unique guided recovery here

It’s Everywhere

Real Life Example: The day before I told the sociopath I’d married to leave, a woman in another country sent me a FB message, “Do I know you?” – Nope, sure didn’t. But I’d come to know her very, very well. The man I was married to had been living with her for four years. She and their eight-month-old baby. At the same time she sent that message to me, she tapped one off to him, asking him who I was. Somehow she’d put parts of two and two together and come up with very fishy. She decided to ask her partner – my husband – who the heck I was. That very night the sociopath – my husband who I knew as childless, single and once divorced, told me about his four, 4, four children – for eight hours, until the wee hours of the morning.

Why did he suddenly tell me ten months into our marriage about his four kids…?

Because the woman who messaged me had one of his kids. And because he knew that she also knew about another woman in the same town who had three more of his kids. The loser nut-bag needed to get his version in before the other woman and I talked. But that version was far from the truth. It was only enough truth to preempt the snip of truth the woman in Europe who messaged thought was the truth…but wasn’t.

The Real Truth I did talk with that woman in Germany and we became very good friends. a few years later, I visited her and met her (and biologically his) gorgeous little child, whom I love to this day. – What she and I both now know is, these four children have at least 8 other siblings. Two of those 12 are the same age as the one I’ve met. Yes: the woman who messaged me lives in a town with two other kids the same age as hers fathered by this nutbag. Those three children all have different mothers. None of them know they have half-brothers or sisters, yet live in the same city. One of those babes have three older sibs also fathered by this nutbag. Potentially, all six of these kids in the same small town, four girls and two boys, could go to high school together, end up on the same swim team… or date or marry each other. – This is just one of the kinds of things they try to hide, cover-up, and lie about.

Sociopaths Like To Talk About Their Exploits

Sociopaths Tell Stories as a Way to Talk About Themselves

Just like normal humans, sociopathic monsters want to talk about their day or wax poetical about something they did last week, or years ago if it’s especially cool to them. The problem is – they can’t really talk about the truth of the horrible things they did.

They can’t stand around the water cooler when their co-worker asks, “Hey man, did you see American Horror Story last night?” and then answer, chest-puffed and smirk in place, “See it!? I lived that s**t!! I gave some chick a rufie and dragged her over to the back of the…”

There is no normal guy hearing this at the water cooler who’s going to respond to that gruesome reality with, “Wow cool!! Does your girlfriend know?” – That would be another sociopath’s response. And so, in order to rattle on about their exploits, they tell stories about things someone did to them, or that someone else did to someone else… But here’s the decoder key: They’re the “someone” in their story. The “someone” who did the bad thing. They’re talking about what they did to someone else, or to several someone else’s.

There are simple reasons for all of the crazy.
Guided recovery sessions.
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Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast

Like Us, Narcissistic Sociopaths Like to Talk About Their Day

They like to talk about their accomplishments, but a sociopath mixes and matches their stories. They create an amalgamation of the lying and the slightly real parts of their lives.

They do this as they yammer about things they did to someone, and mix in snips of truth and lies from another part of their life, folded in under a new headline. The changes in the story make them sound bigger, better, and more amazing.

The Story That Keeps on Growing

We might hear them tell a story to other people that we’ve heard from them before. But: the story is falling out of their gob in a different version than they told us. This is super-de-duper common. When there’s an embellishment or different twist to the story as they blab away in front of others while we stand by dumbfounded, the last thing we’re going to do is jump in and say he’s telling his story wrong! No, we smile. We put on a smile outside while our head spins inside.

We’re magnanimous by nature as normal humans, admittedly some of us are more magnanimous than others, but all of us tend to be in a social setting. It’s called manners. And while under the influence of a sociopath? We absolutely follow social protocol and tuck the oddness of the enhanced tale away and under some little rug in a corner of our minds where many strange bits of their behavior are gathering. This is beyond our control; it’s the natural effect of a parasitic predator.

Here’s on that happened to me: The nutbag told a part of his past in which he’d started a stunt school. The funding was via a government grant. He said to me he got 4-million dollars to build his stunt school. In front of another person, I heard him say he got 4.5-million. In reality, he got one-million. Filed the application in fraud because he knows nothing about stunts or teaching them. – The program was closed in a matter of months when three 18-year-old young men died playing games and performing hijinks under his tutelage. – No charges were made.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Toss Out Bait with Their Tall Tales

Narcissistic Sociopaths Tell Stories to Discover What They Can Get Away With and What to Hide

Things like, “You know Greg, right…? I found out when he was married to Shelia he got some other chick pregnant…” Then they close their mouth; they stop talking and wait. They’re waiting to see what we think of “Greg”.

Do we judge him and feel for “Sheila”, or do we say something like, “You know stuff happens, that’s life.” — Which makes them think, “Well, maybe she won’t flip out when she finds out about that other ‘ho who just had another kid of mine.” – They need us not to “flip out” and stay “in”, so they can keep taking.

Whatever the Story, It’s About Themselves

Maybe they say, “This guy at work and his wife are swingers! Can you believe people do that…?!” He’s waiting to see if we say, “Yeah, sure! I’ve kind of always wondered about what that’s like.” Or, “Euuwwwhh! That’s so gross!” He’s (or she is) fishing to see if we’d go along and join in, or if we’ll let them do it without us. They need to find out what they can get away with.

They need to know what is an absolute deal-breaker that cuts through the fog of the DMT of “love”. — “At my last job this woman told people I embezzled money from the fund. I didn’t do it. She did it. She tried to blame me because she was jealous of my promotion and wanted my job. I was helping her and she used my signature to…” And we’re off the races.

Schedule your guided recovery sessions here

Why Do Sociopaths Change, Mix-Up, and Forget Their Lies?

This flexi-world they live in comes out of their complete lack of emotional connection to anything. They’ve got no emotional nostalgia, memory or value for anything that goes on in their lives aside from how it connects to them getting things, using, getting away with it, looking like the good guy, or getting caught or not; there is no sentimentality, romanticism or wistfulness about anything in their lives.

The narcissistic sociopath feels no remorse or shame for the harm they bring to others. They might wish they’d lied better, taken more, got more, used more. They might think, I wish I coulda screwed them both over instead of just that one idiot. That’s as poignant as their nostalgia gets.

To the Pathological User’s Mind, They Have Done and Do No Wrong

Sociopaths – and every sociopath is a narcissistic sociopath by the way, and narcissists are sociopaths – they don’t want to face what we see as the normal consequences of things they’ve done. The truth is the narcissistic sociopath doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

It’s natural that we don’t see the full scope of what they’re thinking and doing. Based on our nature as normal humans, we hold out for proof of how bad they are. We then ask them what they’ve done or why sometimes we get the truth out of them. If we do get the truth we don’t recognize it because their world is so different than ours. – But mostly we get stories.

Bait and Hook: Bait and Hook

Think of everything a narcissistic sociopath says is bait. Every word out of their mouths is to see how far they can go, to see what they can get away with, to hide how they really feel, what they really are, to use, to take, to get away with taking, using, being what they are… to feel out if we’re seeing through them, to feel out what we’re going to do about it.

What we’re going to do about it is go zero contract and become non-threats. Take in the simplistic mind of a sociopath. Take in a surprising perspective that sets us free. Be sociopath proof, user-proof, and free.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2018_01_29 2023_11_02

There Really Are Monsters

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Monsters know they’re monsters.
Narcs know they’re sociopaths.
Sociopaths know they’re sociopaths.
We don’t need to act as if they don’t and aren’t.
That’s how we win.

Monsters know what they are. Monsters like who and what they are. And yet, we’re spinning here, seeing our world turn in circles and go nowhere but backward. Because that’s the natural effect they have on normal.

It’s the rest of us – the non-monsters – who have a hard time knowing they exist. The facts are, that monsters in “relationships” don’t want what we want. They aren’t there for the reason we are. Not for one tiny moment, not even one millisecond. Nothing is shamed mutual moment.

Normal is, as Normal Does: Normal Does as Normal Is

RECOVER FROM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SOCIOPATH NARCISSIST

As any normal person would, when things first went wrong we defined what was happening through our normal ideas about relationships and our normal human point of view.

We’re normal and normal has its own special “lens” we use to look at the world. We might not think much about that, but it’s true.

We assume people are “good” like we are that all people share, for the most part, a core value system that is inspired by, “do unto others…”

Even if we disagree about big things like gun rights, abortion, immigration, or our favorite color. Even if we’re different in other ways we do feel there’s a shared baseline of “good” and rules we all follow about social behavior.

Unexpected answers and resolution.
We decide what winning is.

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Monsters and Normal Collide

For this reason, as we fell down the rabbit hole, we naturally and blamelessly endowed the love of our life – the sociopath with a quality of humanity that unfortunately, does not exist inside their bodies, hearts, minds, or souls. (Even if you’re calling them a narc, narcopath, narcissist, psychopath, or any word.)

Sociopaths know they’re sociopaths. Narcs know they’re sociopaths. Most of the creatures we’re calling narcissists are sociopaths. These monsters know they’re monsters. It’s the rest of us who have a hard time knowing they exist. We don’t need to act as if they don’t and aren’t what they are.

Innocently and with pure-hearted hope, we explained away their odd habits and missteps. We found and still find after they’re gone in many cases, reasons, or explanations for those bizarre reveals-from-behind-the-mask.

As normal humans with fully limbic “feeling-based” brains have room to think, maybe, that’s just the way they are. We might decide to give them space based on an “issue” we’d work on as a couple. We give them more time… That’s normal. Because we assumed that the “monster” was a manageable version of “normal”. That assumption is 100% normal and something we do as regular, normal people who bond and care, and connect.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Guided recovery coaching

Monsters Live Off of Our Normal

Antisocial personality disorder is the formal mental health diagnosis for what’s commonly referred to as “sociopathy.” People living with the condition are often labeled “sociopaths.” ~ Hope Gillette, Kendra Kubala, PsyD Psychology

Our natural understanding and compromising give them a hall pass to keep on stomping through our lives. We believed them when they told us about their childhood trauma that left them with PTSD or left them unable to be intimate. We believed their last girlfriend was crazy. This is because we’re good, not because of any special skill or intelligence they have.

When we love, we give. Monsters make use of, and take advantage of our goodness and our lack of really knowing and understanding that monsters exist. This is truly the psychopath’s only real intelligence.

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

When we fall in love involuntary changes go on in our bodies in we fall in that further mask the intentions and lies of the sociopath. Our zinging, swirling chemicals and altered state of excitement in a new relationship buy the sociopath time.

So, monsters, as in all they do, take advantage of what we are as fully limbic-brained humans. We don’t know about the parallel destructive existence shoving our lives in the wrong direction. They use the fact we don’t know the kind of creature that they really truly exist, let alone that it could be sleeping in our bed.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Their Power Is An Illusion: It’s the Effect Of What They Are

Our “not knowing” about these monsters, is the entirety of their power and “currency.” Since there’s a limited supply of “not knowing” on our part, their dominance and influence falter and they topple.

Monster-predators (sociopaths, psychopaths, and what people refer to as a narcissist) expect this shift from the first, “hello“. Sociopath-monsters do try to override it by getting angry or making more promises… this is so they can hang on as long as possible. It all only lasts so long. Because we’re not dumb. Sociopaths are dumb.

Monsters Have a Mean/Nice Switch: Only Two Options

In between these roller-coaster ups and downs, they’re bored and fishing for a new target. – Their full emotional range is solely in reaction to their own perceived success at taking and using, keeping what they take, and going free.

Monsters have been here since the beginning of time. They’re even mentioned in classic American literature. The author and Nobel Prize winner, John Steinbeck contemplates the existence of sociopaths in his stunningly comprehensive and beautiful award-winning novel, East of Eden, published in 1952, and later made into a film starring James Dean.

A female sociopath comes into the lives of two unmarried brothers by chance. East of Eden tells the odyssey of the brothers’ lives and their children’s lives affected by this sociopath, who plays a minor character but drives their fate. Chapter eight begins:

“Just as there are physical monsters, can there not be mental or psychic monsters born? The face and body may be perfect, but if a twisted gene or malformed egg can produce physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed soul?”
~ John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Monsters Need Us for Their Survival: We’re Unwitting Hosts to a Parasite

Narcissistic sociopaths need their emotional response or connection to survive or succeed. To put an end to our vulnerability to sociopaths understand how sociopaths think. Assess and judge what they do, based on their true intentions; use the thinking of a sociopath to evaluate what happened rather than our emotional brain and we set ourselves free.

As more and more of us individually and collectively comprehend what these humans without humanity are they will diminish, and their effect will be neutralized. Monsters know they’re different. They know that if we knew what they really were and are really up to, we would not accept them, this is why they hide.

Seeing What They Are Illuminates Our Great Goodness

As we see what they are, by contrast, we see how gorgeous a fully human person is. The human being as intended, not perfect, but filled with innate trust, goodness, and kindness, living a life interconnected and interdependent with one another.

This is surely the only way to give the existence of the monster-humans meaning or purpose and the way to transform our grief, loss, and pain into something good and to find ourselves more deeply appreciating life itself.

A single word can scar another.
A single word can also give comfort and relief or fill one’s spirit with courage.
The care with which we use words
reflects the depth of our humanity. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_08_29 2023_02_17

2 Reasons Sociopaths Have Sex

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Sociopaths have sex, a lot.
Sociopaths have sex for only two reasons.
Love’s got nothing to do with it.
So what is it exactly?

Sociopaths have sex – or refuse to have sex for precisely two reasons. Pretty much for the same two reasons they do and say anything and everything they do or say. The reality as well as the rumors of great sex with a sociopath fall short.

Sociopath Lovers Fake It: They Do Not Love or Like or Care

There’s no “love life” with a narcissistic sociopath. We genuinely think we feel love for them and perceive their feelings toward us as love (at least in the beginning). They know that they don’t love us, and they know that we don’t know that they don’t love us.

They depend on us not knowing. We assume it’s real because, well that’s what normal people do. We don’t know there’s an option for evil predator rather than really amazing person.

Predatory parasites swoop in and make grand declarations of love and devotion. Here’s the deal any presentation of emotional interest or caring or attraction that the overwhelmingly amazing person you can’t believe you were lucky enough to meet makes: is fake.

Schedule your freedom here

Real Because We’re Normal

We believe the relationship is real… until we don’t. The weirdness and the danger of sex with a sociopath is one of the holes in the picture-perfect life we thought we were building. This becomes one of the very painful pieces that lets us know things are very, very wrong.

In other words, sociopaths (narcissists) have sex as a useful means to get what they want, or for their own entertainment. Having sex brings us in, bonded, and right where they need us. And their own personal fun can run a gamete of variations and is essentially what their entire life is about: themselves.

2 Reasons Sociopaths Have Sex: None of Them are “Love”

To bait and hook targets.
For their own entertainment.

Sociopaths initiate sex with prey or reject targets sexually as the circumstances require. They don’t have sex with anyone unless they need to to get things, or want to for their own fun.

The Sociopath’s Aversion to Sex

These pathological users commonly reject their target’s sexually once the “relationship” is established. This happens a lot, especially within marriages or live-together scenarios, and comes with a bag full of excuses.

It’s another paradox in the madness; a sociopath refusing or rejecting prey in the sex department has the effect of keeping us at their side and trying even harder.

The refusal to engage sexually with us also arises from nay sociopaths’ chronic boredom. Out of their lack of connection and because after the marriage or the move-in the sociopath’s main goal has been completed. They’ve nabbed a roof, a bed, an address, a retreat, a home base, a legal foundation, and coverage for access to money, cars, and green cards.

The House Hop

They aren’t sticking close to hearth and home. Along with no attachment emotionally to anyone in their lives, a higher than average testosterone level and a profound need for distraction compel them sexually and like all things for the sociopath, there are no limits. Sociopaths have no sexual or any other boundaries.

Though they’ve tapped someone for some major gains, they are constantly focusing their attention on gaining other things, like more money, more of anything and everything. They cannot not be what they are.

For this reason, on the top of their to-do list is securing a place to live before we begin to see through them too deeply and before we kick them out. Sometimes this backup joint already exists and the unbelievable truth is they live with two or more women (or men) at the same time. In other instances, the next place they hop is a new spot, a new conquest, fresh prey.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Recovery coaching unique to you

Sociopaths Avoid Kissing and Eye Contact

Kissing is very intimate and sociopaths are not truly able to be intimate. Though some prey may be given the “pleasure” of being kissed by the sociopath who ensnared them; sociopaths avoid kissing many of their targets.

The sociopath (the narcissist) has no interest in being intimate and more so, has no physiological capability to be intimate or feel or express intimacy or love. They have no idea what intimacy is beyond getting inside people’s lives to make use of them.

Kissing is deeply personal and intimate. We see it in the movies, that age-old trade rule that sex workers won’t kiss because it’s the one thing they preserve for real intimacy rather than their work. The sociopath’s narcissism – and inability to be intimate – never takes a vacation, not even during sex.

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Sociopaths Video Sex

Sociopaths love to make sex videos. The digital evidence that remains in their hands makes so many of us panic at the end; terrorized that the nut-job might post these online or give them to our family, or somehow use them against us.

In most cases those images are long-lost. Dumped, deleted, in a phone they don’t have anymore; and are of such lame quality and “production value” that no one can make out what’s going on or who’s in it anyway.

The taping is yet another way to remove intimacy, to further objectify the target. This distance and non-intimacy are the sociopath’s true feelings. We are objects to sociopaths.

Intimacy in sex is absent and faked by sociopaths. It’s buried in the request for “special sex” Super intimate because it’s things they’ve, “never done before with anyone.” Liars.

True story: one day a normal person and a narcissistic sociopath were on a “date”. The sociopath was hunting and honing in on this new target – the normal person. The normal person was feeling butterflies and asked a flirty early-days normal date-question, “What’s your ‘type’, what kind of women do you like?” The answer from her charming snake-of-a-date was one of those bizarre head-spinners when a sociopath tells the truth: “Any woman with an a$$-h*le.”

Sociopaths Love Anal Sex and Can’t Abide Condoms

There’s absolutely no positive, genuine, emotional care or attraction or depth from a sociopath towards their prey. So, there’s no difference for them between males or females or children or dogs or cats for that matter. Yes. Sociopaths have sex with adults, kids, and animals if they feel like it. Nothing is off bounds.

The absence of boundaries and the absence of love or care or intimacy anal sex is high on the sociopath’s list as sexual activity with its impersonal aspects. Additionally, they’re notorious for not wearing condoms – ever – with anyone they have sex with – and that means a whole heck of a lotta people.

Sex With a Sociopath Is Ultimately Horrific

When anal sex is demanded or expected by the sociopath, a lot of other things often go along with this. It can be forced, rough, coerced, or bribed.

The normal person is usually put in a situation where they feel this option is the last resort as far as making a connection with what we still believe is a true husband or boyfriend, girlfriend, or wife. Instead, the outcome is sadness, isolation, rejection, depression, shame, disappointment, despair, and health problems.

Sociopaths, Gender Fluidity and Child Abuse

Sociopaths are happy to – and diabolical enough, to have sex with anyone, male or female yet, we can’t really call them “bisexual” or “pansexual” since all sexual interaction is without true positive emotional bonding, like, love, care, or concern or connection; it isn’t based in a healthy attraction but in the goal of self-survival and ensnaring another target or simply for a high.

Sickening to say, but there are no age or family relationship barriers as far as who a sociopath might see as a likely sex object or entice or force into sexual activity. – Do all sociopaths do this… how can we know the answer to that? What we do know is better safe than sorry.

See Sociopaths – “Narcissists” – For What They Are

Learn what a sociopath really is. Accept it. Take it in. Know it in our bones. View their actions, and words from their tiny sick little mind. Let’s appreciate how amazing we are as fully functioning humans. Once we understand this we can spot a sociopath from a zillion miles away. Stay sociopath-free – forever.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_05_07 2024_02_24

Betrayal After True Love Scam: Where it Hurts

1 Reply

Betrayal looms large
in what some call narcissistic abuse.
And a whole ton of it comes from people we turn to
for support in the aftermath.

The shocking truth is the place it really hurts is in the aftermath. And the real sense of betrayal comes from professionals who put themselves out there as those who “protect and serve”, for example. The fact is traditional, standard agencies, and individuals we turn to have no real idea of what this is at this point in human history.

Support from therapists, counselors, psychologists, doctors, law enforcement, social services and the like have no idea what people coming out of this malarkey are going through.

Though they’ve taken the time to label the surreal things done by the pathological predator within the horrific reality as: “narcissistic abuse”.

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Real recovery, faster, deeper, user-proof forever

There’s a Name…

And those same people have decided to call us as the prey of these predators: “narcissistic abuse victims”. And have decided that when we’re ensnared within the madness we’re in “narcissistic abuse syndrome.”

I’m not a fan of this terminology and conceptualization of this situation for many many really good reasons, but that’s a different article than this one.

Whether we like this terminology or not, some of us don’t find even this level of acknowledgment.

Where is the Real Betrayal in True Love Scam?

Most of the time in couples counseling the therapist sides with the sociopath completely missing the mark on who the “bad guy” is.

All too often in therapy and court-battle-hades during the aftermath, we’re not believed, penalized, labeled, have children taken away, lose rights, access, property, and our sense of self. We topple under the disbelief of another devastating trauma inside the nightmare. Recovery involves recovering from trauma inside of trauma.

The Truth About Betrayal In True Love Scam

We’re the grassroots movement bringing the truth of true love scam to light. Bringing forward what we truly suffer: confusion, shock, shame, guilt, loss, feeling broken; some of us go through a psychic break under the weight of this horrific crime.

The proverbial rug has been pulled out from under our lives and then we find there’s no one who understands; sometimes, no one who believes us.

Who’s really betraying the prey of the sociopath…? – The sociopath who doesn’t care, never did, never will and is straightforwardly being what they are antisocial psychopaths who go unrecognized and only bring destruction with their limited brain focused on self-survival, deluded by their notion of sefl-grandiosity, and an existence built of lies?

Or the people meant to protect and serve its citizenry? The people holding high degrees, given blanket respect and looked to for relief by those in pain?

Targeted Prey is What We Were: No Victim Mentality Needed

We’re not “Eeyores”… You know like Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh. We have no “disorder.” Just as we’re not in denial. We’re not codependent. You’re each and all trying to take back the damage done, make right the wrongs, and keep your children and yourself in safety from a user and abuser… the actual criminal.

In my case: Fortunately I had family who accepted and understood the truth. An amazing attorney who understood the sociopath-brain and jumped on board. A judge who saw through the con man. But let me be clear: They all operated and worked based on hard-evidence I had researched, sleuthed, and compiled into legal document format: 367 pages that I sorted through and pulled from and reordered and presented to each authority as called for with my goals in mind. I knew exactly what I wanted in order to feel that I had won. My evidence supported every claim I made and pointed towards my goal naturally. It isn’t’ like the movies where your attorney discovers evidence, in real life, we find the evidence. However, even with my determination and persistence, there were many I had to convince such as police and many others in harrowing, gut-wrenching meetings and appointments over and over and over. Like being beat-up with a baseball bat. Trauma inside the trauma. – I did it. You can too.

The Truth of True Love Scam

We were targeted, pursued, sucked in, used for our loyalty, honesty, genuine compassion and good character – and yes… all while we were in love. We believe them, trust them, defend them; we e behave and acted as normal people in what we felt and believed initially and for long into it all that we were in a normal relationship.

This is normal. And so, we flow along trying to make a great life with them until there’s something that snaps… and we see then that something, something indefinable is very, very, terrifyingly wrong. This is normal.

Even at that moment, we still can’t know wtf is happening, but we certainly save ourselves as soon as possible. There’s nothing wrong with us. Targets of sociopaths suffer profoundly more because of the incredible lack of understanding by “experts” and “authorities.”

Police Can Be the Anything But Helpful

Calling the police and filing restraining orders can be the very thing that brings us down a very dark rabbit hole of fear and retaliation (the sociopath’s self-defense) rather than the protection it’s meant to be.

This can increase the compulsion of the pathological user, the con artist’s to plant stories and tales of woe and accusations that give them validity as the “sane” one and brand us the crazy, hysterical, nut jobs in the eyes of authorities.

This is how children can be lost to the lunatic who doesn’t love them. Think twice before taking court action or calling police; this is best only in situations where direct evidence that fulfills the legal parameters for the circumstances in our locality is very strong and in our favor.

Restoration of Our Lives Comes from Us

So what in the heck are we to do? In certain situations, the police are the best option. And knowing when to bring them in is our own call. For a view of our situation and what’s what, always look at our escape e through the eyes of a socioapth.

Approach everything we do with the appearance of giving them what they want, otherwise, the revenge they’re compelled to go for is a hell we can’t imagine.

Looking at the whole mess through the mind of the kind of maniac a sociopath is, is how we can determine which action is safest and most effective and break free; and get away safely to a place where we can grieve the loss of a life we thought was real, not the scammer.

Know how to view the scam accurately. This is how we break free. Seeing what was real, and going no contact are the beginning of how we truly heal. This is key. The sociopath is not doing what they do “just to — blank — … just to make us cry, ruin our birthday, or even just to get back at us. What they do is not about us.

Authorities Don’t Always Know Best

Psychologists, therapists, and mental health support people aren’t trained well in supporting or understanding coercive control of a sociopath/psychopath on their prey. They just don’t. they’re on the outside looking at and reading dusty research manuals and textbooks for terminology and diagnosis of you sitting in their chair.

At least at this point, the category of CPTSD has been removed from the DSM v5. There were too many misunderstandings of this because of the lack of personal experience and instead of putting people under a microscope and missing the whole picture.

We must keep insisting on the truth of the circumstances. These situations exist because deceivers who make use of others exist. When we understand this and the mind of sociopathy and what that means, we win.

Anyone who goes into the field of counseling, psychology and therapy or social work has great intentions at heart. The thing is there’s no text book written to talk about the reality of living this nightmare. – They’re playing “catch-up” to our real life experience.

The Real Deal About True Love Scam

In the meantime, let’s lead the way. Really, really understand what happened: a collision of two different beings: us – fully functioning human beings, and those with an under-functioning brain.

A brain that allows them only a limited, myopic and destructive view of life – and gives them the innate ability to entrance any person who finds them charming, even the most hardened cynic. – Anyone can be conned into true love scam.

Our great goodness is what a sociopath needs to survive. Our great goodness sets us free. Never give up trusting, bonding and caring. Enlarge and grow our compassion; embrace our own lives and the lives of strangers.

An increase and expansion of understanding how valuable and precious our lives are, our gorgeous interdependence and fully comprehending the minds of those devoid of humanity, will narrow and diminish the antisocial psychopath’s effect on individuals, families, communities and in the world. Remain human and humane.

Encouragement means to plant the seed of courage in the lives of others. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2017_05_02 2022_10_18

We’re Not In Denial

6 Replies

We’re not in denial.
As my dad would say, that’s a river in Egypt.
But seriously.
No one deliberately stays here.
We don’t remain in the clutches
of a slimy sociopath on purpose.
Our goodness caught their attention,
our goodness sets us free.

Denial is a word that’s tossed around to represent a state of mind we’re supposedly in. And that explains how this nightmare went on for so long, or started in the first place. There are those who would say we were in denial and so the surreal, horror show continued to run through our lives as if we allowed it. These people who say this could not be more wrong.

We’re not in denial. No. In short, what happened is: we were deceived and bamboozled. This means we did not have full information.

There isn’t an even playing field. Firstly, none of us had full information that these creatures even existed. Secondly, we were lied too. Thirdly, normal people aren’t looking for a lie. We automatically trust; that’s one of the beautiful things about us all. And fourth, and most significant of all, we’re under the spell of the pathological predator.

Truth Scarier Than Fiction: We Heal From Truth, Not Lies

We were scammed pure and simple by a serial liar, user, taker, abuser life thief. The chasm between our intention and the pathological narcissistic user’s true intention only becomes clear over time.

It’s revealed by bits-and-pieces. We didn’t deny anything… except them and what they wanted, once we did see through it and take in the full horror of their true black heart.

Knowing the real deal truth is how we recover.

Unique recovery session here

Denial is Not in the House: a Monster Is

When we’re ensnared by a sociopath, there‘s a clashing of two worlds a great collide of two different brains, the mind of a sociopath (you might be calling them a narcissist) and the mind of a regular, normal, iambic brained person: you or me.

The pathological predator and users do their best to let us believe rather than a clash, that together we’re the best match on the planet. The best fit that any two people could ever be.

This is how they survive. The ability to bring this influence upon others is wired into their DNA. I call it the sociopath effect.

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

It Takes as Long as it Takes

Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view. This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim blaming and just plain wrong.

We see this match made in heaven situation isn’t quite the case, as soon as is humanly possible. In no way do we leap to the conclusion that this person is a psychopath the first time they don’t call us back or are unreachable.

Not only can people not see something they don’t know is in existence such as users who are pure evil, these exist in the movies, not real life.

Our human body and physiology are amazing. It’s designed to keep us safe. In trauma, our bodies and minds protect us, and so let the truth be seen in bite-sized pieces so that we don’t lose our sanity.

After true love scam our eyes are wider open than most. And we know more than most; certainly more than people who tell us we allowed it and we’re in denial. Let your body do its thing.

The very, very courageous take on recovering, healing, seeing what the real-deal is in pieces. Take it in in bits that you can take… It takes as long as it takes. Tell those blamers and shame-ers to step off.

Schedule your unique recovery coaching

PTSD is Normal After a Narcissistic Sociopath

We’re not permanent victims scarred for life. We’re not to blame for being snagged and conned by a lying sociopath who gives us every excuse in the book for why they do this. These are not the only two options. — Though – sometimes — it seems to be as we try to find our way out of the maze.

There are piles of mainstream answers to this hideous crime. Including that we, as targets invited it through our past abuse issues or our relationship issues and that we stayed because we were in denial.

How about we look at it from another direction? From our eyes. Let’s stop letting people outside the experience define what happened. Let’s look at it from the eyes of the prey of a sociopath.

This perspective takes a whole different set of words to define it. – Not for the sake of frivolous semantics, but because of a very real variance in meaning.

We Are Not in Denial: We’re Amazing

You see, definitely more fanciful descriptors – these come from the influence of watching many Johnathan Strange and Dr. Norell episodes on late-night Netflix binges that stopped my anxious brain from thinking in the early days of recovery and rocked me to sleep, and still reflect the real-deal of being in one of these hellish circuses of a true love scam… the day-time-wide-awake, hall-of-mirrors-nightmare of living hijacked by a sociopath.

Unless someone’s been dragged by their heart and soul through this, they have no idea. None. None of us “in it” are in denial, or willfully resisting seeing what they are.

To think that anyone could imagine or imply that we’re willfully and knowingly, in the mess we’re in and choosing to ignore it means they have no clue. We’re each in something we can’t possibly recognize: who knew what a sociopath was before all this?

No One Can See Something We Don’t Know Exists

For anyone who’s not been hijacked by a sociopath, these descriptors might sound absurd. It may be what inspires, ohhhh… hmmm, yes. She’s in denial. – And other wholly off the mark, and utterly compassionless, and just plain rude remarks from onlookers and others, who we might think would know better.

To those under the spell, these are quite accurate descriptions that bring about our freedom. With this look at things, we feel less crazy. We might let out a sob of relief, Oh, my god! That’s it! That’s exactly what it is!! – And a little slip of hope eeks through the fog of the sociopath-madness we’re trapped in.

There’s a Mesmerizing that Leads People to Drink the Kool-Aid

I realize what I’m about to say here isn’t popular to say… It’s a contemporary popular belief that humans make choices about well, everything. Here’s a hard fact: none of us are with a sociopath by direct or informed or conscious choice.

We do get away from them by choice. And this’s an important part of this circumstance. Somehow most of the world focuses on wondering how we stumbled into it, why we stayed, ie: How could we have been so stupid?

therapy ptsd narcissistic abuse recovery Jennifer Smith

Decide Your Understanding of This Event

Let’s be real here, let’s not base our understanding of what we’re experiencing – the how’s and why’s of it, in the ideas and perceptions from something else: namely the ideas and perceptions of those who’ve not experienced it.

This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim-blaming and just plain wrong. – And, come one now… Most of our judge-ie acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, friends or family didn’t know this existed until we walked into it. So, come on now… They aren’t suddenly experts.

The Traits That Attract a Sociopath To Us: Save Us

The very same goodness of heart that makes us attractive to a sociopath is what we then flip – and bring to life exponentially – to get safely and completely away. There, there is the real thing.

It takes a colossal effort. Courage, wisdom, persistence, patience, bravery to break from a kind of bondage; from an entrapment so immense it can’t be understood unless it’s been experienced.

Know This: If someone says it’s your fault, let them know they’re out of step; that evolution of humankind has progressed. Victim blaming is over. No, we’re not in denial. We’re believers in love. We believed that this involved love – until we didn’t. And now that we don’t – watch out. When we see it for the crime it is, there’s no place for the scamming-scum to run.

You Have to Live Through It to Understand It

The break-away from a sociopath is intense and so life-shattering it can never be understood unless you too are an escapee. – And that my friends, does not signify a weak victim, a codependent-door-mat, a denial or any such nonsense.

It signifies some of the hugest power, determination, and strength on the planet. We are awesome. We’re superheroes. We’re our own angels.

You Can’t Deny Something You Don’t Know Exists

Nope. We’re not in denial. If you don’t know this phenomenon exists, you can’t see it. And fortunatley when in it and after, our glorious bodies innately know a human can’t handle the monumental stress that comprehending this entails all one go. So – yes – clarity is meted out in doses only a beatific human of great empathy and love could handle.

Even tiny doses of what we went through would break anyone else. No, denial is nothing more than a river in Africa. A raging, pernicious river that every life stealing, narcissistic con man needs to be thrown into without a life jacket.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2016_09_16 2022_10_12

Trauma Bonding Comes from Our Innate Goodness

11 Replies

Trauma bonding is a normal stress response.
Our instinctive human bonding is
another normal human function
sociopaths hijack for their own use.
Lets take back our lives.

Bonding is part of humanity. It’s human at its essence. In times of stress or crisis bonding happens naturally. We see it within families, we see it within countries and groups. Bonding while in trauma is a built-in mechanism to bring us connection with those we love for new-found resilience and strength to handle the crisis.

This marvelous lifesaving mechanism to bond more deeply in times of attack, danger, or trouble occurs even when the one we love is the source of the crisis.

Traumatic bonding isn’t a weakness in our soul. It’s innate, normal and something we can’t not do as healthy human beings. And when we’re ensnared by one of these creatures, we’re under a sticky hypnotic kinda spell holding us in like quicksand. Hanging in is normal.

In the chaos of life with a sociopath, we bond with them because we feel we love them and are in a relationship with them. This is natural.

How recovered would you like to be?

recovery coaching after narcissistic abuse

Schedule your coaching here

Understand Trauma Bonding for Deeper Healing

The bottom of our world drops. The love of your life is a beast from hell. Your stomach lurches, your heart pounds, you choke on your own breath. Adrenaline floods your brain.

The discovery that we were a criminal fraudster’s mark knocks our world out of place, the floor under our feet drops away. The dawning revelation that there is no love and that in fact, we’re in danger with this person and because of this person is like an awakening from a nightmare to find it’s alive and real.

It brings vertigo and laser clarity in equal measure. In one moment we go from the struggle of trying to align an out-of-sync relationship to the blinding truth that there wasn’t one. Nothing is what we thought it was.

The Spell Breaks

In this one crazy single moment for me, I also realized I’d been living at least two worlds all along and that moment the spell broke those two worlds each became more sharply delineated, and yet full still of mud at the same time. The best part was, I’d snapped the ropes that bound me to him. There was much more unwinding to do, but nothing would take away this new insight into this mess.

There’s nothing wrong with us. We are not broken…and believe me, I know you might feel broken. I did. What we are is richly, fully, amazingly human. This is our saving grace. how you’re feeling is not the new you. It isn’t permanent.

When We See Behind the Mask to the Monster

Yes, before the mask completely falls we know things aren’t great – but not in our wildest imagination can we or anyone else yet comprehend the reality we face a seeming meastro of deceit and destruction wearing the skin and clothing of a person we thought was the love of our life.

Courage and connection is found in the alchemy of this life and death traumatic stress in the aftermath of a sociopath. – A stronger, bigger better heart.

Terror floods our veins. Danger stands before us wearing the same shoes that troubled-love stood there wearing only a split second ago. Our heart races. Our mind spins.

We fall into a chasm of terror or lift ourselves to a new life. The stress of seeing the sociopath behind the mask, the narcissist without his fake persona is profound stress.

Trauma Stress and Regular Old Stress Makin’ Folks Sick

We’ve all heard – and have experienced – that stress makes us sick, as in ill from annoying colds to heart attacks. Stress has been something to avoid.

During even one year of lots of stress, a leading health psychologist, Dr. Kelly McGonigal tells us, studies show that stress gives a 43% increased risk of edging us toward our demise – but – that’s old news! Now they know – drum roll: This is the result only if we believe stress is harmful. – Remember, they used to believe the earth was flat?

What if we can make stress help us? There’s a new take on stress. Stress is now known as the “biology of courage.” Trauma bonding and the trauma of life or living with a sociopath is our path to amazingness. It’s one of the cool things about being human.

The rush of blood and adrenaline, the rapid heart rate – the other chemicals made by our bodies under stress – will, rather than defeat us, save our lives.

Stress and Trauma Cause Us to Bond

Stress gives us access to our hearts. The stress of trauma gives us the instinct to reach out to others who love us and — to support those in stress. This connecting factor saves us and brings health and longevity.

Stress – even stress from a monster attack – is our friend. It isn’t the enemy as we’ve been taught; stress isn’t the road to the common cold, but the pathway to more compassion for ourselves and anyone in need of support.

Our pounding heart is preparing us for action, pumping energy into our bloodstream. The increased breathing is getting oxygen to our brains for precise body function.

There’s a Podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Restore Our Lives

When we think of the stress response as on our side rather than something that makes us sick we relax into it and biochemically within our body, the reaction is “like that in moments of joy and courage”.

Courage and connection are found in the alchemy of this life and post-traumatic stress in the aftermath of a sociopath. – A stronger, bigger better heart.

There is a simple hypothesis about what steers the human brain to trust another human: a hormone called oxytocin….our behavior is also influenced by a large number of very complex, yet identifiable, biological processes. Future research should help us understand how cognitive and biological processes interact in shaping our decisions about whom to trust.
~ Brain Trust, by Michael Kosfeld

Stress Leads Us to Others: It’s a Good Thing

Stress makes us social – the chemical reaction in the body from stress makes us reach out to those we love and simultaneously causes us to fight for those we love. That famous hormone: Oxytocin is a neuro-hormone created in the pituitary gland shooting magic sauce through the body when under stress that has a special, purposeful function.

As Dr. McGonigal says, it “fine-tunes our social instincts.” This chemical rush primes us to do things that strengthen close relationships. Stress makes us more willing to help and support people we care about.

Pathological Users Hijack Every Natural Part of Normal Humans

There’s a built-in mechanism within our bodies; a natural response to handling stress that leads us to make a deeper connection. Yes, a deeper bond with the person we’re going through the trauma with. When we’re in this mess entangled by a sociopath and the anxiety and chaos mount, we bond with them. That’s normal.

The thing is, we don’t yet know they’re abnormal. This bonding is called trauma bonding, and then, in this case, our normal human bonding mechanism is seen by “experts” as a weakness or a fault. – Our normal bonding in chaos and trauma is yet another human function the sociopath turns to their advantage.

Initially, the chaos the sociopath whips up in our relationship bonds us to them because of the flood of oxytocin we didn’t even know our body was shooting out.

Trauma Sustained Over Time

The more havoc and imbalance the sociopath makes, the more our body’s involuntary protective stress reaction makes us reach out to them because at least at that moment, we still love them.

Because that’s how humans function biologically, and so we believe them. And so we fight for them, and for us as a couple. – Until we don’t. Until they do something so horrific our body recognizes them for what they are: the enemy from hades. Then things really heat up.

When we see through the sociopath use that fight-or-flight rush of oxytocin for us. Run to the real true love of family and long-time friends. Embrace our own lives. Stress can create resilience and joy.

Trust yourself; we can handle the challenge of the stress in the aftermath of a sociopath – the ability to do this is built into our body – and even our body knows we don’t have to face it alone. Connect with others who don’t judge, and can listen in the aftermath of a sociopath to anchor ourselves to human goodness.

Dr. Kelly McGonigal on Stress as Fuel for Renewal

There’s more.
Introducing, Dr. Kelly McGonigal, TED Talk.
Listen to the doctor, she explains it much better than I do.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

There’s a podcast too!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
Tweet to @truelovescam.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2016_01_02 2022_11_12

13 Red Flags: In Love with a User

6 Replies

13 Warning signs we’re falling for
Mr. or Ms. Completely Wrong.
Key feelings that signal it’s time to step back.
No matter how perfect it feels.

Articles, blogs, books, and experts talk about red flags for recognizing a con man, a sociopath, a narcopath, a narcissist. The thing is, that’s really hard to do because it’s normal to trust – and not at all normal to assume someone is lying – let alone to recognize a lie for the lie that it is.

Make a realignment in our thoughts to be sure we don’t put any blame or shame on ourselves for being human in the face of their utter inhumanity.

In our world, we wonder, “Why would someone lie?“, even we see that they are. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath is need-to-know useful for breaking away from one of these creatures and shutting down their empty hot-air promises.

The truth is, these are criminals we’ve encountered. What we’ve encountered isn’t true love, but someone misrepresenting themselves; that is called fraud.

These entanglements are nothing but a scam, and larceny, intentional deception, abuse. They make for jaw-dropping stories; better than any movie we’ve ever seen; unfortunately it’s our actual real-life.

The Narcissistic Sociopath Next Door, Down the Street, at Work, in Our Bed.

So, how do we protect ourselves from all the sociopaths out there roaming around in our neighborhoods, or at work, or online… If we don’t really understand the signs and symptoms of meeting one of these creatures, we’d need to be on red alert constantly.

In order to avoid the estimated 12 million sociopaths in the USA, we’d never sleep. It would take extreme scrutiny; it’d be so exhausting maybe we’d maybe never want to venture outside again!

We Can Sidestep the User From The Moment We Spot Them

There aren’t two genuine people in this new exciting love thing; there’s beautiful us… and pathologically narcissistic them.

We’d be armed only with examining every barista for that intense stare; listening at any first date for them to break into an elaborate history of their stellar humanitarian, top-government-secret success.

Looking At People Around Us with Suspicion is No Way to Live

If the only way to detect a pathological user was by their behavior, we’d keep a constant watch for every co-worker’s relentless flirty flattery. We’d be on the lookout for every tale of woe about others who’ve done them wrong.

Throughout a day we’d be on pins and needles waiting for the danger signs, such as that declaration of deep affection within one hour of meeting.

And again 30 minutes later. Then flowers at our doorstep. And another text 20 minutes later… It would go on and on as we rationalized the kind gesture or debated in our heads, are they a love bombing, life invading sociopath…?

How Can We See Beyond and See the Real Clues

It’s one thing to be on guard checking someone else’s behavior, but couldn’t it be simpler than that? Yes indeedy, it can be easier, and far more reliable? How? How can we more certainly avoid getting into that love bombing stage – and get out before we get got?

Look into recovery sessions

How to Detect a Con Man

There aren’t two genuine people in this new exciting love thing; there’s beautiful us… And them. How ’bout the next time our cheeks flush and our hearts go pitter-patter at the glance of a man – we pause for a moment.

We’d go nuts sorting through the nuts if we couldn’t nail down the real clues to seeing through them. There’s a more direct route to detecting a pathological user in our midst, one closer to home. It’s us!

There’s one person to monitor for signs of falling in love with a sociopath; only one person to turn a honed hypervigilant eye toward.

Narrow Down the Odds of Being Hooked by a Narcissistic Sociopath

Here’s more good news: it comes down to this… not every Tom, Dick, and Harry sociopath can worm their way into our lives. Pretty nifty. Why is this…? Because to be entangled in a true love scam, we have to feel attraction for them. We have to be interested in them. Otherwise, we won’t notice them.

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We Think They’re Normal

We’re not going to fall in love with a sociopath who isn’t a guy we think is a regular guy we’d fall in love with. Make sense? – So, considering how rare it is to meet someone we’re interested in (at least for me) perhaps there aren’t so many sociopaths to skip falling in love with!

Overall, how many men (or women) do we meet per year that we’d like to date? How many per month? Per week? – Maybe not so many. So, when we meet up with a man that makes our hearts flutter, sending dancing butterflies flitting ’round our heads: we stop.

We’ve Got the Clues

Right there we pull the reigns. This is when we examine that one person that can give us all the clues. All the red flags to alert us to danger if this person is one of these bad apples are right there within ourselves.

We can step over the trap of falling in love with a sociopath monster by learning a different set of red flags…

The first signs of being targeted by a pathological user are seen within ourselves and at the time of the very first abduction attempt. We want to extract our gorgeous selves before we’re good-and-truly hooked.

13 Red Flags Shouting: Warning! Falling in Love with a Sociopath

If we’re about to fall in love with Mr. Completely Wrong red flags will wave. If we’ve been in love with a sociopath before, these signs will be familiar.

We are attracted and drawn to this person more powerfully than ever before to anyone. Or: we kinda aren’t interested, but we give them a try anyway for a nebulous reason we can’t even quite define.
We can’t believe how amazing he is! We can’t believe this Prince Charming likes us!
We live for and love every text, email, or phone call he makes to us; If he doesn’t call or text we crash, and plummet in an extraordinary way.
We feel like we might die without him. Really, we think we just might be nothing without him (or her).
He hints we are meant to be, soul mates, and the thrill is out of this world!
He talks about an old girlfriend who was amazing; we feel bound to be better. A female sociopath will flatter her male prey saying that he’s “out of her league”, every normal man is inspired and driven to convince her she isn’t.
We describe him as the kindest, sweetest, most perfect man in the Universe.
We’re a perfect match we’re so alike. We click. We fit. In ways we never imagined.
We think: Wow! It’s true: Kiss enough frogs and not just a prince, but a King has appeared!
He makes every other man we’ve dated seem like a Cracker Jack prize we settled for.
We feel over the moon. We feel we won the lottery. Only better.
We quite adamantly think anyone – a friend or whoever – who says this guy isn’t the greatest thing ever is wrong
Underneath it all, we feel unhinged.

Think about recovery coaching…

Prey Are Ensnared by Our Normal Human Emotions

And now we’re in love with a sociopath. He waits with his claws pulled in and his fangs out of sight while we prepare to serve the ever-hungry sociopath our beautiful selves on a silver platter.

This is all the effect of the hypnosis and snake-charming power of a sociopath; this isn’t actually love. After winning our trust, they’re ready to slurp us up and take us on a ride in hell along the five stages of true love scam. Genuine love or concern for us or caring will never be part of the deal. This isn’t love; this is an attack.

What is real love? It takes two to be in love. It takes two to build a relationship. It takes time to build a relationship. – As in months and years. Not days and weeks. Real love with a real person is complex enough; a sociopath is stealing our life. There is no love.

Love is a complex matter that is
a reflection of each person’s attitude
and philosophy toward life.
~ Daisaku Ikeda

We’re Brainwashed, Hypnotized, Injected with Venom

A relationship with a sociopath is made up of a monster-demon, life-sucking parasite, and a person (us) spellbound by the learned tricks of the con man or con woman sociopath. It’s a true love scam. We’re in love with someone who doesn’t really exist at all. Even for themselves, they are nothing unless we believe their lies.

There aren’t two genuine people in this new exciting love thing; there’s beautiful us… and pathologically narcissistic them.

How ’bout the next time our cheeks flush and our hearts go pitter-patter at the glance of a man – we pause for a moment. Whether this is a first, or we’ve been in love with a sociopath before: stop. Slow it down. Watch. Listen. To ourselves.

Take Dinner Off the Table

Return that silver platter carrying that super awesome, valuable hot dish of ourselves back to the kitchen. – And take the time for a brush-up lesson, a check-in on real love before we take one more phone call or return one more text.

Make a realignment in our thoughts to be sure we don’t put any blame or shame on ourselves for being human in the face of their utter inhumanity.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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Time to Thrive!

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Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

© 2014 – 2022 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

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Like this:

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Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

© 2014 – 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

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Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re talking with a friend:

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Let’s take a look at this list of toxic language and come up with an alternate for each.

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Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

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Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

Spread the Word, Share Far and Wide

Like this:

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