Dating a "Narcissist": Feeling Crazy - true love scam recovery

Dating a “narcissist” feels like
an episode of American Horror Story.
The real horror is though – it’s real life.
Wondering if we’re losing our mind is a sure sign
we’re dating a “narcissist” – a pathological narcissistic user.

Dating a “narcissist” can only lead to one place and it’s not good. Not good at all. During our time “with” them, there’s a surreal feeling of internal disturbance and uneasiness. I remember an unsettling and nagging uncertainty that I couldn’t shake – even in the early days when it was all so exciting.

Like you probably did, I perceived this excitement as “love” in the beginning. Then things went a bit more odd at the same time as our lives intertwined more deeply. Eventually, there were days I felt like I was losing my mind. Since you’re here reading this, I guess you too wondered at some point, am I crazy?

Why is this? What’s really happening? Everything you’re feeling is normal. Normal and not permanent. Let’s talk about it.

Answers to every question, guided recovery coaching

We’re Perfectly Normal

Dating a “narcissist”, living with one, or marrying one is hell. There is no other outcome. During the day clocked in their orbit, as we reel and wobble and bob up and down above and below the water line in these entrapments, it’s normal and natural for humans, trying to balance the questions and doubts, to wonder in a tiny part of our minds, am I crazy!? Is it me…?!

This is because as regular, normal humans, we’re a species that’s wired to take responsibility. To see good in others. We naturally think about what our part in something that goes badly might be and try to fix it. This is how we’re wired – hard-wired. It’s normal to question ourselves at this time as we try to resolve whatever’s wrong. – This is what people do!

Under the effect and influence of the “narcissist’s” presence, we have an exaggerated emotional response. This is the natural effect of a “narcissist” on a normal person. This means we feel unhinged in our worry, anxiety, and fear. And these emotions and thoughts continue without any let-up. This exhausts us and leaves us wondering what’s wrong with us.

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Lying Is A Way of Life

The defining characteristic of a “narcissist” is lying with nearly every breath they take. This underlying deception is what rocks our stability. Our primal body warning system is triggered even without our full conscious awareness that we’re being profoundly deceived. The thing is, this is the proof that they’re lying. Our bodies know what’s up long before our conscious everyday minds do.

What we do in our daily lives with them is try to figure it out, try to have a “talk” with them. Try to fix it. This is normal. However, the more we question them, asking where they’ve been, asking why they didn’t pay the phone bill – the tension builds.

Dating a “Narcissist” Goes From Bad to Worse

It doesn’t get better. This kind of scene takes things further… Perhaps one day while we sit together watching a movie – possibly a rare occasion – their phone buzzes for the third time in a row and they ignore it for the third time.

It’s a trademark of an entrapment by one of these creatures that from day one, we do things we wouldn’t otherwise do while under their influence, and this continues for a time in the aftermath.

They seem a little more agitated with each call. We ask who the call is from, and they get mad and tell us we’re crazy! Their words smack our brain because this echoes tirades they’ve gone on in our presence, maybe over a dinner date when we first met and they were calling some “ex” crazy… And now they’re saying: we’re crazy!?

Why…? Why are they calling any of us crazy?! Because we’re asking too many questions. We’re expecting too much from them, too much “normal”. And we’re getting too near their lies. Since they’re trying to cover a lie: they want us to shut up! In that moment the shock of being insulted or accused of something silences us. That is every sociopath’s most frequent immediate need and goal. And now, coincidentally, we do feel crazy.

The Podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Dating a “Narcissist” Makes Us Feel Crazy

We’re indeed feeling crazy because we’re escaping a “narcissist”. And this is part and parcel of their effect on us. And now, let’s just get this out of the way, a “narcissist” – someone who’s using us, gaslighting us, deceiving us, taking from us, not sleeping with us even though we’re married or live together, refusing to wear condoms… is – really and truly – what can be called a sociopath – These are people of “antisocial personality disorder”.

This is a permanent state of being. Meaning: they cannot and never will change. This is a hard thing to take in. This in itself makes our heads spin! Really and truly there’s nothing about a “narcissist” – a sociopath – that doesn’t kinda make us feel crazy!

Their State Of Complete Narcissism Is Permanent

Their mental state is so serious and horrific that in the psychiatry world minors – underage people – are not given this diagnosis. I’ve concluded that this final and irrevocable diagnosis is withheld out of “hope”. Simply out of natural human hope.

All of us normal humans are wired with hope and belief that there’s good in all of us – even those of us with psych-related advanced degrees. The thing is, these alternate humans are missing what makes us normal humans. In this lifetime, this is it for them. They can’t be and won’t be anything but lying users who leech off of other people. – And they don’t mind one little bit.

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Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Essentially, when we’re breaking away from one of these creatures, we’re breaking up with evil. This is the first of my books in a series that shares other’s experiences in this madness.

Breaking Up with Evil, Book I is five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours. eBook and Paperback… Audiobook on the far horizon!

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Confusion, Terror, Loss, Anger, Anxiety

Besides feeling like we’re losing it when we’re in it… The aftermath is worse. The whirlwind of confusion, terror, damage, loss, and anger are just some of the emotions – the signs and symptoms – of the post-trauma we experience in the aftermath. This whirlwind of hellish thoughts and emotions caused by the invasion into our lives by one of these scumbags can make us think we’re crazy.

On top of that, as we try to heal and figure out the lies and resolve all the pain, it’s normal that after the “break up” we find ourselves running doing things that are – well, kinda crazy in the sense we wouldn’t be doing them if this nutter wasn’t a sociopath. It’s a trademark of an entrapment by one of these creatures that from day one, we do things we wouldn’t otherwise do while under their influence, and this continues for a time in the aftermath.

It’s pretty basic that we’re going to text or call people – strangers even, and ask questions. We’re writing warning notes and emails to women we don’t know. Looking up addresses, and sifting through Facebook pages. Maybe hiring a private detective, or thinking about it anyway. (Or a hitman.)

Here’s one of the most humorous things I’ve heard of one of us doing in the aftermath: The sociopath had an upcoming court date for a DUI. The normal human who had broken away knew this. The normal human also knew that the first thing the nut bag would want after the court appearance was a drink. They decided to make another DUI happen. They bought a wig, and sunglasses, rented a car so as not to be recognized, and sat in front of the courthouse waiting for the nutter to emerge. Lo and behold the sociopath came out of the courthouse and crossed the street heading straight into the corner bar. But: the normal person couldn’t do it. They couldn’t call the cops and go through with bringing another DUi on the creature who had harmed them. – This is normal. And this normal person laughed at their situation sitting in a rental in a wig and gas station sunglasses at this moment… And this in itself became a moment of healing.

Dating a Sociopath Makes Us Feel “Crazy” Because They Are

Well before it’s over, we start playing detective… Looking up addresses, sifting through Facebook pages. We might make a fake Facebook account, a fake email to check on those other women, or on him, or her, or them.

No matter what crazy things you do… You’re still not crazy. Not really. Not even if you hire that private investigator. Or dawn a wig, a scarf, and big sunglasses and follow them yourself.

Feeling crazy while dating a sociopath begins on day one. Dating a sociopath gets crazier and confusion escalates from there. It all spikes and climbs from that first swirling sensation of having found Mr. Beyond Perfect. Right there in the chaos of Ms. Beyond Right.

Breaking Up is Hard To Do: And Scary

As things spin long and we finally get to a place where we have to end it, sorry to say – but, we’re in for more crazy. And along with feeling unhinged, we’re scared. This is because unfortunately, the worst time of feeling like maybe we’re crazy is when it’s over. It’s all a result of being lied to unknowingly, deceived unknowingly, and then: suddenly knowing it.

We feel crazy as we begin to realize something’s wrong, we try to talk about it and they deny it. And we feel still crazier after we come to a pretty firm realization that it isn’t us! That, this person I’m dating is nuts.

Crazy We Are Not: Crazy They Are

Even still, we are not crazy – but they sure are. Feeling crazy is the natural reaction and physiological result of being involved with a liar. But no, crazy we are not.

I guarantee you’ll feel more and more un-crazy the more purposefully and deliberately you come out of the emotional spi. The more you shift into an accurate way of looking at things, the more “crazy” resolves… As we get further away from them and more into the truth crazy diminishes and they do too.

They Are the Crazy One: Signs They’re a Sociopath

A sure sign that we’re dating Mr. Nut-So is when they lose it and call us names. This is so whether it’s done to our face or in the smear campaign. Narcissists who are really sociopaths love to call us things like crazy, psycho, stalker, idiot, evil, devil, whore, liar, cheater, and other delightful things.

He’s doing this because he’s afraid. Yes. They’re afraid of us. Because they need us. – We do not need them in any way though it might feel like it. If they know were suspecting they’re up to something the anger and name-calling come out.

Once they know their cover is blown the rage at this shows up in scenarios that inspire our intimidation and shame. They rage and then slap that nice-face back in place before we see too much of the sociopath behind the mask. The sociopath has an intense fear of losing their grip on us.

The Other Women, Or Man, Or Anyone

They lie about anything and everything under the sun. Frequently, one of the first lies we start to suspect is the lie about “other women”. We might already feel like there’s something going on, that there’s someone else, but these silly creatures tell us stories of “someone else! Usually an “ex”.

Bizarrely this can draw us more deeply into wanting them and into wanting the narcissistic sociopath we’re dating to want us. They have an innate, inborn quality that draws us in and makes us shockingly concerned about doing for them and giving them what they want. This is abnormal. We don’t feel this strange overwhelming unreality with normal people.

They Think This Ability to Entrap People Comes From Their “Genius”

Adapted, “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene, Sociopaths, and Triangulation

“To draw you closer, an aura of desirability is created—of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for you to be the preferred object of their attention, to win them away from a crowd of admirers. They manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding themselves with members of the opposite sex: friends, former lovers, and your eventual replacement. Then, they create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise their perceived value.”

Sociopaths (“Narcissists”) are Predictable

The sociopath uses a few standard tactics to keep us spinning. One Huge-o-Horrible one is: he’ll talk about another woman who is better than we are, who loves him better, who understands him more, and how bad we are by comparison.

This is called frequently and commonly referred to as “triangulation” This is why the sociopath who wrote the book I referenced calls it “triangulation”. They do indeed keep an eye on what we know as normal humans and call the thing they do the names we give them. How freakin’ crazy is that!

There Is No Perfect “Ex”

This telling of the tale of the perfect “ex” keeps us wanting to make him happy. It keeps us wanting to prove we’re good enough, better than her, him, or them, and he should love us. The reality is: that person they’re describing doesn’t exist.

That profile of a “perfect ex” is a conglomeration of several parts prey and attributes they’d like us all to have that make things easier for them They also paint themselves favorably in these tall tales.

And us finding an open meal to another woman, moan or other… They simply forgot to close their email. They forget. Because: they don’t care.

The real truth is: she’s not having any fun either, or soon won’t be. He’s going to take her (and all of them) through the five stages of true love scam as well. And… by now we know the truth about sociopaths’ sex lives don’t we…?

That Magnetic “Pull”

Dating a sociopath is something people fall into due to the parasitic predator’s innate over-the-top effect and magnetism over the people who admire, like, or feel they love them. This effect naturally leaves us feeling crazy.

Additionally, it’s natural to bond and to try to make things work. We’re not looking for someone to be lying or deceiving us; we’re looking to make things work.

Confusion is a Sign of Dating a Sociopath (Or That Black Eyed Creature You’re Calling a “Narcissist”)

The things he says make us confused. – Because the things he says are confusing. They don’t make logical sense. They aren’t expressing genuine emotions or thoughts or many genuine ideas.

There are things we can learn to decipher and decode the sociopath or narcissist we’re dating. We can come to comprehend everything the sociopath does and says so that we aren’t bamboozled but can break free.

Feeling Unease and Misery Signals an Abnormal Relationship

A definite sign of dating a sociopath or dating a narcissist comes in this mind-numbing misery. An unquantified, indefinable sense of unhappiness, of uneasiness and sadness.

It is not a sign that we’re crazy to be unhappy with a sociopath – there is no happiness to be had dating a sociopath or dating a narcissist. The emotional confusion and pain a sociopath inspires are subtle and obvious at the same time. It creates complete misery.

Trust Your Gut

Know that your body is telling us something with this unhappiness. Follow our instincts!Emotions are a symphony of chemical changes in the body. If yours are going up and down like a roller coaster and crashing harder after the drop each time: trust your gut. You’re not crazy. You’re suffering. We all deserve to be happy.

Listen to your intuition. Take some quiet time. Break the patterns with him. Next time he says something insulting or provoking: stay silent. Or give an answer that’s not the norm. Maybe something very calmly without hostility, or hurt, or anger like: well, if that’s how you feel about it, that’s your problem, and walk away. Keep cool.

Reach Out: Talk To and Tell People Who Love Us

We feel afraid to tell people what’s happening. This is another effect of the sociopath’s spellbinding. The way we feel is so mixed up, and we’re afraid to get him in trouble or to make him mad and… maybe we’re just crazy.

Let’s stop that train wreck of post-trauma emotions turning into mistaken thoughts and ideas about ourselves right there. The sociopath has a built-in quality that inevitably and unavoidably has an effect on other humans.

You could say, that we feel fear of them, naturally with no effort on their part. This is an effect we’re going to feel for a long time even after they’re out the door and the lock has been changed because of being in a stat of post-trauma induced by the trauma of exposure to them.

We’ll go through trauma and post-trauma which is fear and doubt and confusion and feeling crazy. It is another illusion of their effect and the natural response to the deceit and falsehood they are. Know this… It will get easier.

We Try to Resolve Things & Take Responsibility

Tell-Tale Sign Number Five

Let’s say we still think maybe we’re crazy. Here – for fun and educational purposes is a test. A test to take to determine if we’re a sociopath. (Ha. We are so not.) Just a few easy questions that will fly by in a minute or two. Notice the questions. Notice the answers on the far end of the spectrum that indicate someone is a sociopath. Not such a fine list of traits.

Take the Sociopath Test

Think about memorizing the 20 characteristics of a sociopath, if you see one of these characteristics they’re likely all there. Reframe every nuance of interaction with him or with her through this lens. Set ourselves free, reframe the nightmare of dating a sociopath or a narcissist. Find your way back to happiness.

Normal Humans Need Validation and Praise

I promise you, you’re normal. There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s everything right with you. Everything you’re feeling is normal; normal and not permanent.

Sometimes people tell us, it wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t “codependent”, or didn’t need validation from others… I’m here to tell you we’re interdependent, and interconnected and need validation from others. that’s normal.

“When praised highly by others, one feels that there is no hardship one cannot bear. Such is the courage that springs from words of praise. …When praised, one does not consider one’s personal risk, and when criticized, one can recklessly cause one’s own ruin. Such is the way of common mortals.” – The True Aspect of All Phenomenon, Nichiren Daishonin

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.