In Love with a Sociopath. 13 Red Flags.
13 Warning signs we’re falling for Mr. Completely Wrong.
If the guy our bestie just introduced us to
is stirring up any of these feelings
it’s time to step back.
And that guy we met online…?
Fugedda ’bout it.
Articles, blogs, books and experts talk about red flags for recognizing a con man, a sociopath, a narcopath, a narcissist. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath is need-to-know useful for breaking away from a one of these creatures and shutting down their empty hot-air promises. They are criminals. These are not true love, they aren’t even true-like. They’re nothing but fraud, larceny, misrepresentation, abuse – great stories to tell over coffee – better than any movie we’ve ever seen about these creeps.
The fact is however, using only this to protect ourselves from every sociopath in our neighborhoods we’d need to be on red alert constantly. To avoid the estimated 12 million sociopaths in the USA we’d never sleep. It would require extreme scrutiny – examining the barista for that intense stare. Listening at parties for the new guy to break into an elaborate history of his stellar humanitarian, top-government-secret success; a co-workers relentless flirty-flattery or tales of woe about others who’ve done them wrong. Or a declaration of deep affection within one hour of meeting. And again 30 minutes later. And flowers at our doorstep. And another text 20 minutes later… And, etc., etc., from the love bombing sociopath. – We’d go nuts sorting through the nuts.
I’m thinking there might be a more direct route. Let’s look a little closer to home. It’s one thing to be on guard checking someone else’s behavior, but couldn’t it be simpler than that? Can’t we more easily avoid getting into that love bombing stage and get out before we get got?
What if we had only one person to monitor for signs of falling in love with a sociopath? What if we had only one person to turn a honed hyper vigilant eye toward? What if we could always step over the trap of falling in love with a sociopath monster by learning a different set of red flags? What if being wary of falling in love with a sociopath was a skill we needed only rarely?
It comes down to this: not every Tom, Dick and Harry sociopath can worm their way into our lives. Pretty nifty. Why…? Because we have to feel attraction for them. We have to be interested in them. – Otherwise we won’t notice them. Otherwise they are no more dangerous to us the Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. We’re not going to fall in love with a sociopath who isn’t a guy we think is a regular guy we’d fall in love with… Make sense? – So – considering how rare that is (at least for me) there aren’t so many sociopaths to skip falling in love with… right?
Take it case by case – how many men do we meet per year that we’d like to date? How many per month..? Per week….? – Yah. Not so many. So – when we meet up with a man that makes our hearts flutter, sending dancing butterflies flitting ’round our heads: We stop. Right there we pull the reigns. This is when we examine that one person: Ourselves.
13 Red Flags Shouting: Warning! – Falling in Love with a Sociopath.
If we’re about to fall in love with Mr. Completely Wrong red flags will wave.
If we’ve been in love with a sociopath before,
these signs will be familiar.
1) We are attracted and drawn to this person more powerfully than ever before to anyone.
2) We can’t believe how amazing he is! We can’t believe this Prince Charming likes us!
3) We live for, & love every hourly text, email, Snapchat, Instagram or phone call he makes to us.
4) If he doesn’t call or text we crash, plummet in an extraordinary way.
5) He hints we are meant to be, soul mates – And the thrill is out of this world!
6) He talks about an old girlfriend who was amazing; we feel bound to be better. A female sociopath will flatter her male prey saying he’s “out of her “league” -we convince her she isn’t.
7) We describe him as the kindest, sweetest, most perfect man in the Universe.
8) We’re a perfect match – we’re so alike. We click. We fit. In ways we never imagined.
9) It’s true: Kiss enough frogs – and not just a prince, but a KING has appeared!
10) He makes every other man we ever dated seem like a Cracker Jack prize we settled for.
11) We feel over the moon. We feel we won the lottery. Only better.
12) Anyone who says otherwise – is wrong.
13) Underneath it all we feel unhinged.
And now we’re in love with a sociopath. He waits with his claws pulled in and his fangs out of sight while we prepare to serve the ever-hungry sociopath our beautiful-selves on a silver platter.
These amazing feelings are false.
This is all the effect of the hypnosis and snake charming power of a sociopath. It isn’t actually love. After winning our trust, he’s ready to slurp us up and take us on a ride in hell along the 5 stages of true love scam. Love will never be part of the deal. It isn’t love, it’s an attack.
What is real love? It takes two to be in love. It takes two to build a relationship. It takes time to build a relationship. – As in months and years. Not days and weeks. Real love with a real person in complex enough; a sociopath is stealing our life. There is no love.
Love is a complex matter that is a reflection of each person’s attitude and philosophy toward life. ~ D. Ikeda
A “relationship” with a sociopath is made up of a monster demon life-sucking parasite and a person (us) spellbound by the skilled artistry of the con. It’s a true love scam. We are in love with a sociopath. We are in love with a person who doesn’t exist unless we believe their lies. All they are is lies. They do not love us. There are not two people in this.
How ’bout the next time our cheeks flush and out hearts go pitter-patter at the glance of a man – we pause for a moment. Whether this is a first, or we’ve been in love with a sociopath before: Stop. Right. There. Slow it down. Watch. Listen. To ourselves. Return that silver platter carrying that super awesome, valuable hot-dish of ourselves back to the kitchen. – And take the time for a brush up lesson – a check in to learn about real love before we take one more phone call or return one more text.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!
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