There is no love inside the sociopath.
It simply is not there.
Not for you, me, or anyone.
So, why do sociopaths have babies?
Why do sociopaths have babies? Or – if you’re calling these monsters a “narcissist” – why do “narcissists” have babies? Whatever you’re calling these demons they’re having babies they don’t love, don’t connect with, don’t want, and simply see as an object to make use of. Babies they ignore, treat badly, and use as a bargaining chip.
These monster beings have no empathy, no connection, and no guilt. All people outside of their own bodies are things to use to do whatever they want with. They feel they own everyone and everything around them. So, why do sociopaths have babies?
Normal Means Protecting Our Children
When a sociopath is the biological parent of our children, many hardships and suffering come into our lives. The children are best served by removing this other parent from their lives entirely.
Naturally, this isn’t always what happens. It isn’t always an easy thing to do. Many things come into play. If we’ve been in the mess of life ensnared by a sociopath and have their child the ensuing confusion and pain are colossal.
Why Do Sociopaths Have Babies?
Babies to us normal people are cute and cuddle-ie. For the pathological user, a baby is something to use. That’s because pathological users are pathological users: period. They use all people, all situations, all things to the same degree and for the same motivation at all times.
It’s so hard to grasp that this could be true. For us, this is so unbelievable and so horrific. To the non-connecting, conscious-less parent it’s easy-peasy, and their normal, to have no concern or care for a baby. So, why do sociopaths have kids?
There are Three Reasons Sociopaths Have Babies
- Money and/or real property (ie: your house)
- To appear normal
- A link “back in” to take and use as they desire or need over years and years to come
And – until we take all this in and accept that these creatures exist, there’s a fourth unwavering yet incredibly confounding and frustrating reason sociopaths have babies and do any and all of the things they do: They can’t *not* be what they are.
Sociopaths Have Babies For Money
Children and babies create what sociopaths see as a permanent open doorway into someone’s life should they need it, as well as a money stream. They know a child means the earth to normal people and that as long as we don’t know what a pathological user is and what that means… we stay in longer when children are on the scene.
Female sociopaths know that courts and the world at large feel a man must continue to pay out child maintenance and/or spousal maintenance. In this way, for the female sociopath, the baby is a paycheck.
Survival Benefits of Sociopaths Having Babies
Having babies gives the sociopath a sense of having done something well.
They feel they’ve done a great job getting a permanent hook into someone in order to secure their own future survival.
Notice how male sociopaths refuse to wear condoms…? Impregnating someone gives the sociopath a sense of pride in a “job well done”. That “job” they imagine they’ve done well is to fulfill their innate survival need: to look normal – to pass as normal – so that they can use people and take from people.
in particular, having babies for the majority of female sociopaths is all about a paycheck and property. This though can also apply to male sociopaths. And for all sociopaths babies represent a forever door to walk inside your life and take and use. And, yes, this is the deal even if you’re calling them a “narcissist” or a “narc” or “narcopath”.
Babies Are a Part of Most Sociopaths’ Survival
Babies and children provide a front, they create a good impression of the sociopath to others; it makes them look normal to others, which leads to more money, more property, places to stay, and their survival. Sociopaths having babies gives them a sense of accomplishment towards their own survival and it brings them pride because, after all, they’re the King of the World.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast
Sociopaths Use Babies as Bait and a Prop
When a baby comes into the picture, particularly when it’s within a legal marriage, lots of miraculous things come into place. These things are so wonderful when between two normal folks.
For the sociopath, these legal bindings play to their dark desires. Along with the marriage – inherent in the contract of marriage – a binding legal agreement governed and dedicated by law – comes rights such as property rights, and laws of possession.
Emotions Hook Us Into Sociopaths Having Babies
Not only do legal and contractual things fall into place when a child comes on the scene, with or without marriage but so do emotions. These emotions normal people experience now become the rope that binds us to a sociopath. After all, who doesn’t want the baby to have a father, or be cared for by their mother?
Yikes. When that mother or father is a sociopath our job becomes to keep the child from that monster at all costs. Their work is to keep playing the baby, the courts, normal emotions, our lack of awareness as to what they really are for a paycheck, and that ever-needed respectability facade of “normal”.
Sociopaths Have Babies to Look Normal
Looking normal is a sociopath’s main job. All day, when other people are around they pull a face on top of their real face, which is that of a monster. Pathological predators try as hard as they can to keep a normal face. They need this “normal” posturing in order to get their hooks in, keep their hooks in, and get those babies as insurance that they have a foot in the door of our lives. So, there’s this thing we call a “mask”.
On the whole, they are not very successful at this. tend to see them as “experts” and even “geniuses”, or “great actors”. And why wouldn’t we? We’re basing this on our feelings of total surprise and utter shock at the deceptions and our belief in them.
We Have Babies Because We Are Normal
The thing is, we want babies. genuinely want babies – that’s if we’ve decided we want a baby and if they introduce the idea, we assume they want a baby for the reasons we do, for the reasons normal people want babies. We believe they’re normal too.
We believe them because it’s normal to believe people. And: Because we didn’t know there was this possibility of a lying, thieving life-jacking monster. So in this way, can you shift your gaze around this thinking to another explanation? To see, or at least consider, that in reality maybe they aren’t so talented?
But instead, maybe human beings – regular human beings – can’t see something we don’t know exists. From this angle, we can see that “mask” as potentially being formed more by us and our normal expectations of how humans behave and our normal innate hard-wired bonding and believing functions than from them.
This revolutionary (not easily seen and not talked about) concept of where the mask comes from is life-changing for us. It isn’t a criticism of us or a fault in us. This doesn’t put us further on the back foot: This causes us to see our power in the situation. Our goodness. Their “badness”… And I hope for you to take off the glitter and sparkling awe we hold for their diabolical “abilities”.
Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast
The Mask and More
In addition to keeping their face in place – literally, physically, they’ve got to paint some markers around themselves that give of the signal of “normal”. These markers are things like money… flashing cash, a place of employment or a self-employment venture, and children, babies… but not too many.
This is why we’re told about a few children, but usually not their multiple batches and litters. – Children are objects and a commodity to a sociopath. In particular for male sociopaths or female sociopaths pursuing women, children enhance their tool-kit: kids are bait for other women in the sense that having a kid makes them seem normal. The kids are a prop. (And, yes, this is true even if you’re still calling them a “narcissist” or a “narc” or “narcopath”.)
Safeguard Your Children
As early as possible we are best off if we learn how to maneuver the sociopath out of the child’s life. Here’s the thing: there’s one thing we and the sociopath have completely in common: we both want them gone. As in, we want them gone, and news flash: they want to be gone as well.
The sociopath’s ultimate and only motivation and goal is to do whatever they like whenever they like and to get away with it. – Yes, if you’re calling them a narcissist, a narc, a narcopath… Then yes, this stands as the reality. These are sociopathic creatures. Sociopaths.
What Does A Sociopath Want?
What the sociopath – a pathological user – wants most is to roam free, unencumbered, regardless of spouses, jobs (if they have one), children, parents, siblings, or any other human. They do not want to give up their toys or their cash – wherever they might have gotten or stolen those things. Once babies come on the scene – unless they gain financially or in some other key and significant way by hanging onto those babies, ultimately they don’t want them.
What the sociopaths want is to be able to slip away. They want to go away. How ironic, in this case, we both want the same thing. And we can facilitate this. How we facilitate this depends on the details of your circumstances.
The first step is to learn how to decode “sociopath-speak”. Every word they say has meaning far beyond hurting our feelings, way past – and more specific than for “power” or “control”. Knowing the sociopath’s language which is so different from our own, is the beginning of setting yourself free.
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2020_03_04 2023_11_12
You are 100% correct about sociopath’s attitude about children. They view them as possessions, bargaining chips, as accessories to their ‘normal’ mask, using them as bait to lure caring family-type women, and as a tool to keep abusing the healthy parent and mentally tormenting them by manipulating the situation: such as denigrating the other parent in attempts to turn the kids against their healthy parent, being a Disneyland parent where there are no rules or bedtime, and they can eat garbage food, play video games instead of homework, buy them iPhone and laptops without parental supervision, and teach them indulgence instead of discipline.
Everything you’ve written is true, and these types are all the same carbon copies of one another. Your informative site is like reading the manual to a dangerous weapon. The manual doesn’t remove the danger, but it helps to minimize the damage. I definitely paid the price for marrying a sociopath, and I thank my lucky stars that I did not have a child with them during the 12+ year terror campaign.
He had two tween daughters when we met, which he used to create the illusion that he was a loving, caring, and involved parent, which was intended to lower my defenses and quickly create trust when we first began dating. He also used them for cover when he was out conning other women, claiming he was a super busy superdad doing superdad things. I would applaud him and tell him how lucky his kids are. That was actually not the case, I later learned.
He would usually dump them off overnight with random people he barely knew, like harem side-chicks and exes who still pined for him or had a crush on him, or he’d once used as a one-night stand. They would often watch his kids for free and over the weekend thinking it was a sign their relationship was becoming serious, but it was just free childcare to the sociopath. They expect others to do things for them for free, but never reciprocate. He used people to his advantage, and he was only friends with those he could get something from.
When he did spend time with his kids, it was chaotic without structure, rules, or consequences, which worked okay for the one who was a perfectionist and got straight-As, the shy straight-laced daughter; but the oldest one almost didn’t graduate due to poor grades, and she was immediately exploited by traffickers and lured into pornography as soon as she turned 18. That was so devastating, going days without sleep wondering if she was okay and trying to get her back safely after the traffickers convinced her she could make tons of money and become famous. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which makes it difficult for her to keep friends and jobs due to extreme emotional reactivity and impulsive, self-destructive behavior. She compulsively goes from one horrible abusive relationship to another without any reflection or participating in therapy in between, which I’ve encouraged her to do. She keeps picking men like her father, basically, which is a trauma response. She’s used drugs, and her self esteem is incredibly low, as she has internalized her father’s misogyny.
I have a son who is a year older, and he chose to live at his father’s for the majority of time and visit our house, which was probably a healthy choice to minimize his exposure to the general toxicity. I remember my son was upset when his stepfather cheated on a board game during the holidays, because he had to win at all costs. It was embarrassing. I had to counsel my son to be the bigger person, and made an excuse that the ‘adult’ has issues. That was the generous and forgiving mentality which kept me hooked and on the line for all kinds of abuse and psychological torture for too many years. He weaponized my good character and used it against me, things like loyalty, compassion and forgiveness, tenacity, generosity, genuinely wanting to help a person who claimed they were abused all their life.
They’re always the victim or hero. I was naive and didn’t know that there were people like this, and I underestimated how dangerous he was. Once I started to see the ghoul behind the mask, I was terrified, but I didn’t want to abandon his kids while they were under court order to spend time with him. I tried to make it as nice as possible when they stayed and provide a healthy and safe environment. When I first met him, he was renting a basement studio with only one queen sized bed, which they had to share with him. They were starting middle school, which seemed weird to me. They had no space of their own when they’d stay, which also meant no friends could come over to visit. None of that motivated him to do better. He’d leave work early just to shuttle them back and forth twice a week after school, wasting hours sitting in traffic, just to exercise his visitation rights, even when it was to their detriment. They couldn’t do homework while getting shuttled around, and he didn’t want to pay for them to attend after-school enrichment activities. He’d take them to the zoo over and over, because he had a pass that made it free. The van didn’t have seatbelts for them, either.
So just wanted to confirm that sociopaths aka narcissists are truly terrible parents, and their super caring super-parent persona is fake just like everything else about them. They aren’t emotionally attached to their kids or feel any sense of duty to do right by them. It’s all performative, so they can show off their superiority to others and pretend that they are the best parent ever, whilst actually doing as little as possible for them. They are notoriously cheap, and they avoid spending money on their children even for school supplies or to play sports or participate in field trips and after-school activities. They feel no guilt whatsoever when they turn down their kids’ reasonable request for funds and then buy drugs or expensive shoes for themselves or take a date to a fancy restaurant, which that treatment never lasts past the live bombing stage, fyi.
They triangulate their kids just like they do everyone else. They’ll play favorites and pit them against each other, so the kids will resent each other and they get all their attention. My sociopath seemed to be grooming the oldest child to be like them and not care about others and their feeling or property. He would reward her when she would get into trouble at school or get caught shoplifting. He resisted my suggestions that the kids should help out with chores and cleaning up after themselves, creating more work for me. It’s tragic, and it hurts my heart to think about what the future holds holds for them.
This is the pattern that they all follow. Unfortunately there’s no escaping these outcomes if you stay in the relationship and have children together. These mentally disordered individuals are extremely harmful to their children, and the courts often don’t recognize it, or they believe that children should spend time with both parents, no matter what, even if the other parent is abusive and doesn’t act in their children’s best interest. Healthy parents often will try to intervene on their children’s behalf and notify the court that the sociopath is physically harming the kids or cruelly demeaning them, which is what sociopaths consider as having fun, and the court won’t do anything about it, treating the healthy parent like they’re lying because they want to get back at their former partner, or like they’re just making things up for attention or bargaining power.
In some cases, the sociopath petition the court to order the children attend a parental unification camp to counteract parental alienation, blaming the healthy parent for interfering in the parent-child relationship, and the kids are forcibly taken, like kidnapped, and subject to indoctrination and coercive control where they are forced to make false statements against their healthy parent or acquiesce to the sociopath’s demands under threat that they will never see their healthy parent again unless they comply. It’s very traumatic for the children.