Why are sociopaths called antisocial? These freaks love to party and hang. They chat, charm, dance, and joke. Why do we call them “antisocial” when in fact, they can’t survive without using other people.
Why Are Sociopaths Called Antisocial?
So… why are sociopaths medically called “antisocial psychopaths” or persons of “antisocial personality disorder” and “sociopaths” as a more colloquial term? This is an important question because rejecting this term “antisocial” places a roadblock to understanding what happened to us.
Dismissing the intricacies and hideous truth of what an antisocial psychopath is takes us away from recovering our lives after a hijacking by one of these deceivers. When looking for answers, misinterpreting the meaning of “antisocial” can take us down a long, wrong turn.
Wondering if you’ve got a sociopath spouse? Odd things going on, stories not matching up? Walking on eggshells? That’s how it was for all of us…
Sociopath spouse in the house? This is difficult to see and a hard realization to land on. What’s amazing is how common it is to wind up with a sociopath spouse. If you’re calling them a “narcissist” keep reading: there’s only one monster. What we call them matters less than knowing what that monster truly is and how to save ourselves.
This predicament of finding ourselves entangled with a sociopath spouse is not something that happens because there’s something wrong with you. It happens because these monsters exist. And absolutely everything is wrong with them.
Narcissist or sociopath? Sociopath or narcissist..? Whatever you call them… Please… know what you’re truly facing.
Narcissist or sociopath…? How do we determine “what” that person who is making our life a living hell “is”? I’ve noticed a strong inclination to believe that a “narcissist” isn’t a sociopath. Or that there’s a “difference” between a “narcissist” and a sociopath. The idea of a “narcissist” is thought by lots of people to be different and “better”…Or not as “bad” as a sociopath.
Emotional abuse is a part of life with a narcissistic user. This is what life is if we’re ensnared by them.
Emotional abuse comes in many flavors. It always comes along with an entanglement with a narcissistic user, the predatory sociopath.
When a normal person and a sociopath mix, the collision of the normal-human brain, and the sociopath’s brain there’s inevitable harm to the normal person while it’s just another regular day to the sociopath.
The focus of the pathological user is to make use of us. They don’t care about what concerns us.
Our feelings are not anything they can feel or understand… Their work is to be sure we’re hooked, and that we don’t comprehend what they are or the reality of their intention in our lives. They don’t care how we feel… They care what we do because of how we feel.
Emotional Abuse and Sociopathic Users are a Package Deal
Once we’re involved and in love, the fallout of the mix of a normal human and a sociopath is trauma, shock, and only harm to us and not at all hurtful for them.
This mind-bending, confusing, collision of a sociopath and a normal person can make us think there’s something wrong with us. There is not. There’s something very very wrong with a sociopath.
Emotional Abuse Signifies This is Not an Ordinary Relationship
As normal, gorgeous humans, we think we’re in a real relationship. Naturally, we do what normal people do in real relationships. The sociopath does not.
Their odd behavior, unresponsiveness, and sometimes outright meanness trips us up – we try, we try to make things better: as anyone would in a relationship.
In the beginning, a sociopath gauges what matters to us. They fulfill that. As the weeks go by, they discern what we won’t tolerate or forgive, what will keep us trusting, even when they become neglectful or mean. They innately know, or simply guess until they get it right and discover which behavior of theirs will bend us to their will most effectively.
In reality, we’ve been hijacked and kidnapped without realizing it. We’re not with a normal person, sociopaths have abnormal brains.
As a sociopath goes about their day in the world they present a false self, even the barista or car wash attendant isn’t seeing a real person.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
We try to keep things harmonious, humans need harmony within their lives and relationships. If both people were normal, both people would contribute to harmony within the relationship, this is not the case with a sociopath.
They lead us to feeling convinced we did something to make it happen, or that it didn’t happen, or they ignore us.
While we pitch in and spend a lot of effort self-reflecting, wondering if “it’s our fault,” and trying to make things right, work out the kinks, adjust our perception of what a relationship – this relationship – should be, and continue to relationship-build, it takes a while to notice, we’re doing it alone.
We don’t get anywhere trying to make things good. There’s always a particular moment when it hits us: something is very wrong here, and normal isn’t working to fix it… because they aren’t normal.
Sociopath’s Minds Collide with Ours
Once hooked in, we’re in a kind of hypnosis in a cloud of confusion. As the whirlwind of good stuff begins to wear off the crazy begins we’re twirling on a merry-go-round emotionally.
We discover if we question them about specific unpleasant or odd things they’ve done, the sociopath gets mad. They lead us to feel convinced we did something to make it happen, or that it didn’t happen, or they ignore us.
A sociopath wants us to stay locked in their spell. They know that an emotional reaction from us is a sign we’re “still in”. They truly do not care which of our emotions makes us stay.
Narcissistic users bent on coercive control to attain their personal gains show rage and even violent behavior if he or she thinks they’re losing their grip on getting the things they want. They like to keep what they take. Though not all sociopaths use physical violence within every predator/prey circumstance, some are incredibly violent.
Normal and Chaos or Trouble Make Us Bond More Deeply
Being in love with a sociopath – what you might call a narc, a narcissist, or “your nee”, isn’t a casual connection. – It isn’t a connection at all as much as a parasite embedded in your life.
While we think it’s a real relationship, we’re all the way in. We want the fairy tale to stay perfect. We hang on tenaciously even as we feel it shifting and disintegrating under our feet. Naturally, when things aren’t building or developing in a relationship, you’re worried about connecting on a deeper level, maybe going to counseling together.
Concerns about maintaining a home, paying bills, not wanting to break up a family, or fearing for our own future all keep us “in”. The things that string us along are subtle and hard to grab a hold of; sociopaths trap us in ordinary conversation by activating our normal emotional responses.
As decent, normal human beings when someone talks we feel we’re meant to listen. When someone asks a question we’re socially, culturally, and innately programmed to give an answer. Never diminish the complete wrongness of any abuse. – Sociopaths are naturals at bringing what amounts to abuse into our lives because they don’t value us, or care for us. There’s absolutely no human connection from this alternate-human and ourselves.
Narcissistic Users, Sociopaths Don’t Care Which Emotion Hooks Us
Our response to their actions is a sign we’re hooked. That’s all they need.
Emotional Distractions:
Says or does things that bring up the emotion of humiliation within you
Laughs at you
Puts you down
Calls you names
You feel guilty for things they say
Diminishes your feelings
Their presence and personality leave you thinking maybe you’re crazy
Takes things, money, plans, or privileges away from you
Treats you very well in front of other people
Accuses and blames you for their plans and “work” going wrong or failing
Talks about a past girl/boyfriend who did things “perfectly”…better than you do.
Intimidation and Isolation:
Making us afraid by using looks or gestures.
Slams doors, breaks things, throws things
Yells, scolds, orders you about
Hounds you until you decide to not do something you’d planned
Talks about killing and violence
Shows weapons to you in text messages or in person
Tells you who your friends can be
Keeps you from or wedges an emotional separation between you and your family
Creates an “us” and “them” existence
Seems to be jealous of your time and seems to want attention from you
Uses his jealousy to justify rules and limits or conditions they put upon you
Limits where you can go, when and when you must be home
Texting or calling at intervals to make sure where you are
Rules about or insinuating when we can or can’t go out
Limits or tells you what you can read, watch
Has rules about your social media or phone time
Blocks you from their social media
Avoids meeting or seeing your family
Keeps you from their family or their family seems just as bad
Has friends they won’t let you meet, places they won’t let you go with them
Holds up a “friend” as an authority about your relationship ought to be
Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming:
Belittling your ideas, feelings, opinions
Denying that things important to us, matter
Dismissing or ignoring or making fun of or being angered at what’s important to us
Comments and sets of circumstances that cause you to think everything’s your fault
Insulting how we take care of the home, kids, or spend our time
Telling you things are going wrong because you don’t trust them
Using intimidation or belittling to keep us quiet about what concerns us
Coercion and Threats:
Threaten to commit suicide, talk about dying
Threats to report us to authorities
Making us drop charges against them
Sociopaths pretend illness to get out of expectations, events, and conversations
Making or carrying out threats to harm, hurt or leave us
Telling us we get something only if we do something specific
Coercing us or charming us to do illegal or reprehensible things
Financial Monitoring:
Takes your money
Making you ask them for money
Puts you on an allowance
Comments negatively and criticizes you for what you spend money on
Takes credit cards beyond their limit
Opens new credit cards; coerces you to open credit accounts or does so in secret
Their money and its source are a mystery
Borrows money from you and doesn’t pay it back
Takes out loans or borrows money without you knowing they’ve done this
Keeps secret credit cards or bank accounts
Keeps their income or access to family income from you
Uses outbursts of rage to keep you from talking about bills
Is enraged or dismissive when you try to talk about financial matters or bills
Male Privilege and Cultural Advantage:
Treats you like a servant…even in jest
Behaves like the King or Master of the castle
Makes big decisions, family decisions without you
Uses proclaimed beliefs about how women against you
Defines men’s and women’s roles or husband and wife roles in a restrictive way
Female Privilege and Cultural Advantage:
If you were a real man you would – blank
Threatens domestic abuse charges
Stages domestic violence
I’m a woman, so you need to: financially support me and the baby
Sexual Abuse and Emotional Manipulation:
Bargains with sex
Forces you to be sexual with them
Hides their STD’s
Belittles you for wanting intimacy
Puts you down or dismisses you for wanting sex
Refuses sexual intimacy
Has other husbands, wives, secret kids
Pathological Predators Use Our Emotions for Their Gain
They lie about all things, always hiding what they really are. Every moment of their life is a lie. Everyone they know is someone they’re scamming.
They aren’t a real person, not even to the barista or the car wash attendant. The sociopath is constantly putting on a presentation. When we stop believing them, no one is there. No one human that is.
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
The sociopath test is simple. So are sociopaths. What they are is limited, specific, and predictable. We can easily determine if we’ve met one. We can spot them a zillion miles away once we become fully aware of the sociopath test.
Is there an accurate sociopath test? You bet there is. The sociopath test is done at home, so to speak. The signs of a sociopath are clear and distinct. Sociopaths – even though you might be calling them “narcissists” – are limited, simplistic, predictable creatures.
They talk our ears off until we say, “yes”. They yak and yammer and natter like buzzing mosquitoes. Their head-spinning gibber-jabber leaves us too dizzy to notice the lies.
Sociopaths talk a lot. They talk to deflect questions, to tell stories, to paint a picture of how amazing they are, how down and out they are though it isn’t their fault. Sociopaths talk a lot. They yip and yammer and blab and blather. As nonsensical as most of it is, it all has a purpose, a two-fold singular focus and goal.
The best sex ever. No sex at all. Painful torturous sex. You sleep in one room, they’re in another. Refusal to wear condoms. No eye contact… Despair.
Sociopaths and sex. This is a profoundly confusing element of the true love scam. For some, they find the sex better than any they’ve ever had. For most, this goes south just like all the other pieces of the entrapment by a pathological person in what we first perceive and believe to be a relationship with someone normal.
Naturally, as normal people embarking on a relationship, sex is on the list of things that matter most to establish and maintain a relationship.
Yes, there are female sociopaths. They’re just like male sociopaths. Aside from one big difference.
Female sociopaths and children are a catastrophe… for the child and for the other parent. It’s less often talked about, but men are dragged through this nightmare as well as women.
While women are showered by the male sociopath/narcissist with promises of marriage and a house and kids, the female sociopath has the same effect on male prey by wielding a high level of sexual appeal. Along with that can be hints and promises of marriage or children.
They say that statistically there are more male pathological sociopaths than females… but tell that to the man – or the woman – ensnared and spiked through the heart by a female sociopath.
Sleeping solo while Mr. Wonderful snores in the next room? Tired from relentless sexual attention? She’s claiming she’s a virgin? Wish they’d stop with the camera already?
Sociopaths’ sexual traits are things that are hard to fathom. Our sexual experience with them can be mind blowingly “incredible sex”, no sex and sexual rejection, and much, much worse. We look to the sex to signify a relationship and the state of a relationship because the heart of any normal romantic relationship is the physical expression of love.
The thing is, in these situations, from their side of it, love’s got nothing to do with it. If you’ve been in it you’ve seen that people without a conscious and an actual heart aren’t having loving relationships that play out well or nicely. Let’s win by using this experience to expand our own humanity.
Deception Isn’t Sexy But Sex Hides Deception
These freaks take advantage of our normalness. This combined with their innate and natural power of influence, and our lack of understanding that they exist and what that means: we’re bound.
The thing is, there isn’t anything going on with one of these characters originating in a pure purpose or from a relatable kind of motivation. Not unless we include eating, sleeping, and using the facilities. This is where they stop being anything close to wholesome or normal.
Nothing a sociopath or that person you’re calling a narcissist or narc does is motivated by, inspired by, or grounded in the same things we care about or consider important. This is incredible to take in. And there’s nothing more confounding and painful in these faux-lationships than the sexual traits of a sociopath. If you’re recognizing these traits in the narc or narcissist, consider thinking of them as a sociopath for deeper understanding and an expanded change of healing and freedom.
There is resolution and full restoration. What is recovery for you?
Dr. Robert Hare is famous for putting together the “sociopath checklist“. The now well-known list of 20 characteristics of an antisocial psychopath, the sociopath aka psychopath.
Dr. Hare’s list is developed from his own years of clinical research of mainly imprisoned sociopaths. There are a lot of them behind bars.
However, his list is missing personal detail. And rightly so, since his list isn’t based on living with one, dating one, marrying one, or having a child with one of these surreal beasts.
Dr. Hare may be a wonderful researcher, but here’s the thing: he did not suffer the economic disaster of sharing a life with one of these maniacs under the umbrella and spell of their influence and fraud. And I’m guessing he didn’t sleep with one, because Dr. Hare’s sociopath checklist is missing a few things. Anyone who’s been in bed with a parasitic predator can tell you more than any researcher can.
Dr. Hare’s Sociopath Checklist Is Missing a Few Things
Sociopaths Sexual Traits
20 Traits of Sociopaths’ Sexuality:
Lay down the basis that a parasitic predator creates “who they are” by weaving tall tales, stories of woe, and a fabric of loose threads held together by our view of the world as normal people who believe what people say and paint in benevolent backgrounds to those things they tell us. And so, let the stories begin:
Reluctant Virgin: Some sociopaths claim sexual inexperience or innocence or (fake) religious beliefs to hold off on sex and keep from having sex. This can be a great ploy for the female sociopath to entice prey into a marriage with a “virgin bride”. This false stance works equally well when claimed by the male sociopath and is commonly used by any sociopath or narcissist.
Another element of pain within this setup is that the normal woman or man that they present this lie to then feels really badly about themselves and shame or embarrassed for wanting sexual intimacy. – It also makes the normal and deceived person try harder to make the relationship work. This “trying harder” doesn’t go unnoticed by the predator.
The nut job pathological user simply wants out of having sex with us; they have though definitely noticed that this false claim of sexual reluctance and innocence tames and subdues their prey.
After all, which of us normal people can go against someone’s religious beliefs or sexual inexperience, when both of these are socially and culturally touted as “good”? We’re not going to balk at that but try to meet it. – So much malarkey.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Rather than being in love or even remotely in like, the sociopathic predator sees us as an object. Many of them like to take photos of the objects around them, and we are one of those objects.
The Producer: Make no mistake, even while playing the reluctant virgin with one target, the very same sociopath might be the producer in the bedroom with another target.
Taking photos and videos of themselves, and of the person they’ve roped into their spell who’s sprawled spread-eagle, or backside-up, or in some other compromising and irregular position much to their own surprise is the order of the day for the sexual “producer”. These escapades often include the introduction of forced consumption of drugs or alcohol.
Turn Over Rover
Ever notice the sociopathic parasite in your life hinting, asking, demanding or forcing you to go anal…? And then there’s their radically paradoxical opinion to contrast that preference.
They Like The Backside of Things: Male sociopaths have a thing for anal sex. Not all of us are shown this “delightful” (not) trait. Many of us are shown this either in practice or the wishes they directly express or we suspect it.
Are Against Homosexuality: Oh, good gravy… What’s that phrase about protesting too much? Well, they do it. Male sociopaths proclaim to be “against being gay” or that they don’t “believe in” homosexuality. They say that they think it’s a sin, a “choice”, and anything else to put it down and play it down and scandalize it.
These sentiments might not be expressed often, but always emphatically. And they tell stories about it. And ask questions about it. More like they’re fascinated by it… and do it.
It Isn’t Personal
When the human beings around you are an object; when their emotions aren’t something you experience, or understand…or care about, there is no love, no concern, no care about who it is you stick it to. The focus is on what you can gain. And so, none of this is about you as the normal person in their grip, it’s about what they want as entertainment or material things or what they need as a respectability façade.
They abandon our bed. There are excuses they make for leaving the “couple bed”. Or not. They just do it.
Have Sex With Any Gender: Unbeknownst to us, they are out there, doing it with pretty much anyone of absolutely any gender under the sun. In essence, sociopaths are genderless themselves.
Any Age Fills the Bill: Children, adults, teens, older, elderly… it matters little. Any person is viable prey.
So Many, So Many People All at Once: Sociopaths are very, very busy ensnaring prey. It is literally their job. And sex is the number one tool to bring in and land prey. In any given week the number of people they’re sexually active with is potentially unlimited. And then in some cases, they seem to sit home and remain sexually-solo in front of their laptops.
Sociopaths Bind Prey with Sex
Every predatory parasite needs to be able to hang on to their prey. Otherwise, there’s no dinner.
Sex is a Binding Tool: These people need us. We don’t need them. Sexual encounters mean something to us and also, quite conveniently for the sociopath, have an actual physiological effect on us that inspires a deep bond within us towards the person we do it with. – They don’t bond, they bind.
These freaks take advantage of our normalness. This combined with their innate and natural power of influence, and our lack of understanding that they exist and what that means: we’re bound. Sex is a powerful binding tool.
Is Anybody There?
These are non-human “people”. There’s no one recognizably human in there when you get to see it. When they let us see it. Eyes are the window to the soul. When they show you, believe it.
We are connecting, bonding, beautiful, and good inside and out. Embrace your own sweet life with compassion.
Sex Is Not Out of Love: They don’t love anyone. Really. This is so hard to take. These nut bags are not “attracted” to anyone.
They Make No Eye Contact: During sex forget about long, loving eye gazing. Even in daily life the sociopath rarely looks us in the eye. When they do it’s because they’re gleaning info about how to snag and pass as normal people “better” in order to make more use and for longer of real and normal people
During sex, they might look at us, or in our direction, but truly their million-yard stare is aimed off who-knows-where into the distance. Some of us are given a deep and scary stare that goes right through us.
Sociopaths Absent Themselves from Sex: Withholding
Hey, once you’re locked in place, let’s face it.. There’s no other interest in us once the cookie jar is open, the ATM accessible and all that kind of stuff, because they are not “attracted” to anyone either physically or emotionally.
Withhold Sex: Unbelievably, while they need sexual contact with their prey in order to ensnare them into one-on-one personal love scams, they don’t really like this sex. The sociopath, seen as so sexual and “so good at sex”, has no actual desire to knock boots with us.
We see through them, or we ask so many questions they falter in their confidence that they can carry on the fraud. They end it or we do because these things can’t last.
It’s extremely common that the sociopath, both male, and female, withdraws sexual activity from primary prey once we’re established in their lives. that is once we’re months into a “relationship” where we live together.
What’s happening is that as soon as we’re locked in after that first solid few weeks, their sexual capacity and quota are going to other places to bind other newer prey. They don’t like to do more work than needed. In light of this and as a common-sense aspect in anyone’s life: they need to put their time and attention where it brings them benefit.
And omg, does this sudden slide into being rejected or ignored sexually make us sad! It confounds us. It leaves us – naturally and bizarrely – finding signs of true love in small things, such as in the way they make us coffee in the morning. Or layout our workout clothes. Or kiss the dog goodbye before they go out. Uuuuhhhhg. This is a natural and normal human response to declare markers of their affection in other places when they turn off the sex.
There’s No Protection From Their Side
Let’s face, these nut bags just don’t give a bleep about anyone but themselves. There is no capacity within them to care about anyone’s safety or protection…or anything else.
Do Not Wear Condoms: When they do get down to it they aren’t wearing a sheath. The nutter I was married to carried condoms with him everywhere. In his pocket were gold foil-wrapped Trojans.
To my knowledge, he never unwrapped one and applied it to his body. And I talked with three of the women he was preying upon, so that confirmed at least four of us all at once. There were more. There are always more.
STDs Are Another One of Their Secrets: If (when) they get one we won’t know unless we get it from them or are contacted by someone else who did. These nutbags just are not going to tell us. So many surreptitious STD exams go on in their world. They know they have an illness, they don’t care if we get it.
Sociopaths and Erectile Dysfunction (Non-Function)
There are myriad excuses coming from them, especially the male sociopath about why they can’t get an erection. And many of them – regardless of their age – can’t get or sustain what they need to carry out intercourse, or convey that they’re “attracted” and desire us as a normal man would. To avoid this, many, at any age pop Viagra and such.
Sociopaths Can’t Keep It Up: Well, yah… I mean, realize, they aren’t genuinely into it in an emotional way. They don’t experience “attraction” in the way that we do. So… Once the excitement of entrapping someone is over, things can go pretty limp.
Viagra Is Their Middle Name: So many of them just can’t do it or keep things up without chemical aids. Viagra is common. Then there’s the darker side including MDMA, GHB/GBL, or something to knock us out such as a roofie cocktail, maybe weed laced with ketamine so that they can do things that should not ever be done to anyone or so that we don’t notice there was no sex.
Party of Three
Another method to avoid a one-on-one personal sexual situation is to add in participants. This takes the focus off of their lack of human-like involvement, emotion, ability to be genuinely present and all the rest. And, some of them just think this is fun. Something like seeing how many people they can get to put on a show for them at once. – Or they skip the whole thing.
Let’s win by using this nightmare to serve the function of leading us to expand our lives. Embrace and deepen our own amazing capacity for bonding, love, and trust.
Threesomes: And polyamory or swinger parties. Open marriages, swaps. Polyamory. (Eye roll.) The introduction of these things by telling us a story about other people who do this is bait. It’s a way to talk about what they do and have done and to monitor how we feel about it. They want to feel us out to see if we might join in. They want to discover if they need to keep these habits of theirs under wraps or if they can admit to it and we’ll still stay hooked.
Sleep in Another Room: They abandon our bed. There are excuses they make for leaving the “couple bed”. Or not. They just do it. It happens in the case of primary prey, meaning us who see ourselves as the spouse or domestic partner. Those of us in these live-in or marriage roles are mostly sleeping solo. Sex is withheld or severely modified down to next to nothing. Be glad about this. Be glad. This is the best it could be for your emotional, mental and physical health.
The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Porn Night and Day
You might think they have a porn addiction. It’s not an addiction… it’s a result of having no emotion in the game. Porn is a way to pass the time. It’s entertainment. It can be violent and gruesome, and hey, that’ seven more entertaining to many parasitic predators.
Porn, Morning, Noon, and Night: Good gravy. We might see this. Maybe we discover it after they’re gone. Sometimes we’re asked to partake in it, however, usually, it’s their private, secret – obsessive – sexual activity. Within the realm of porn, anything goes and the sociopath will have a specific penchant. MW, MM, WW, kids, animals, “shemales”, ladyboys with all the options and whatever their “thing” is.
BDSM, Debauchery, Degradation: Bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism, h.i.d.e.o.u.s form of making use of others and for getting off on harming others. There are some who ask to be pooped on, peed on, and Heaven’s to Betsy, whatever else they think of. This dynamic is often induced with the aid of varying drugs or alcohol.
Sex Workers: A pathological parasitic predator has no issues with hiring- or using a sex worker. They can also easily sell themselves. Being an “escort” is an easy-peasy job for them. Their entire life is about pretending, and nothing is off limits.
The Sad Truth Serves Up Freedom
In all of this, there are only a few variations. The truth of it is, every sociopath is alike in motivation, thinking, beliefs that “everything is theirs” and that supreme sense of their own amazingness.
These people of psychopathy vary one from the other only in a few ways. They vary in: how much drug use, how much violence and when, the depths of their sexual deep-end, the law-book crimes in their repertoire, the number of kids, spouses and fiances and significant others they have at any one time or tucked in their “past”.
Also if they gamble or not (seems to be an either-or), how many places they live at once, how many towns, cities, or countries they function within. You get the scene here. This stuff isn’t a maybe, it’s how much.
Win As We Untangle the Deception
As hard and gross and sickening as this is to take in, I hope that for each and every one of us reading this there’s some validation in seeing that you’re not the only one with this experience. We weren’t “devalued” though we felt that way. We weren’t “discarded” though it can seem so and hurts. The reality is: the sociopath failed and bailed.
The jig is up. It ends. We see through them, or we ask so many questions they falter in their confidence that they can carry on the fraud. They end it or we do because these things can’t last. These are crimes of deception rather than relationships. Their reason for being here is not the same as ours.
Let’s win by using this nightmare to serve the function of leading us to expand our lives. Embrace and deepen our own amazing capacity for bonding, love, and trust. We’re connecting, beautiful, and good inside and out. Wrap your own sweet self with compassion.
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Dating a sociopath feels like an episode of American Horror Story. The reality is, it happens in real life. Wondering if we’re crazy is a sure sign we’re dating a sociopath or a narcissistic user.
Dating a sociopath aka dating a narcissist can only lead one place. There’s a surreal feeling you can’t shake. That horrifying feeling that the world has dropped from beneath your feet. And thinking you’re losing you’re mind… asking, am I crazy?
You can feel in a double-bind of “crazy” crazy dating a sociopath because horror-of-all-horrors, you just might feel that you still love them even though they’ve done horrific things. Even with the lies and all their narcissistic behavior.
We’re Perfectly Normal
It’s normal and natural human to think maybe… we ask in a tiny moment, in a tiny part of our mind, Am I crazy!? And what the heck, like a normal person this thought would stem from the fact art they took the time to tell us we’re crazy!
But remember…? They lie. That narcissist (if you’re still calling them that) or that sociopath you’re dating loves to tell all their prey that they’re crazy.
Dating a Sociopath Make Us Feel Crazy
We’re not crazy, we’re just discovering we’re ensnared by what’s called a sociopath or person with an antisocial personality disorder. And it’s okay if you call them a narcissist.
It’s true that we’re feeling crazy because we’re escaping a sociopath or a narcissist as they’re sometimes called.
The whirlwind of confusion, terror, damage, loss, anger, and ptsd caused by one of these scumbags makes us think we’re crazy.
It’s absolutely normal that after the break up we find ourselves running around calling people, strangers even and asking questions. We’re writing warning notes and emails to women we don’t know. Looking up addresses, sifting through Facebook pages.
Googling Is the Answer
Looking up addresses, sifting through Facebook pages. We might make a fake Facebook account, a fake email to check on those other women, or on him, or her, or them.
No matter what crazy things you do… You’re still not crazy. Not really. Not even if you look into getting a private investigator. Dating a sociopath leaves us thinking everyone’s talking about us. It leaves us feeling absolutely crazy – we are not.
Dating a Sociopath or Narcissist Brings Out a Sense of Crazed
Feeling crazy while dating a narcissist or a sociopath happens. And in fact, it all begins day one. Dating a sociopath gets crazier and confusion escalates from there. It all spikes and climbs form that first swirling sensation of having found Mr. Beyond Perfect. Right there in the chaos of Ms. Beyond Right.
Next time he says something insulting or provoking: stay silent. Or give an answer that’s not the norm. Maybe something very calmly without hostility, or hurt, or anger like: “Well, if that’s how you feel about it, that’s your problem”, and walk away.
As things spin long and we finally get to a place that we have to stop it all, we’re in for more crazy. This is because unfortunately, the worst time of feeling like maybe we’re crazy is when it’s over. It’s all a result of being lied to unknowingly, deceived unknowingly and then: suddenly knowing it.
Dating a sociopath leaves us feeling crazy as we begin to realize something’s wrong. And we feel still crazier after we come to a pretty firm realization, this person I’m dating is nuts. – Maybe at this point, we’ve heard the words sociopath or narcissist.
I guarantee you’ll feel more and more un-crazy the more purposeful and deliberately you come out of the emotional spin and into a way of looking at things that resolves the crazy. As we get further away from them and more into the truth crazy diminishes and they do too.
5 Signs They Are the Crazy One
Sign Number One
A sure sign that we’re dating Mr. Nut-So is when they lose it and call us names. This is so whether it’s done to our face or in the smear campaign. Narcissists who are really sociopaths love to call us things like, crazy, psycho, stalker, idiot, evil, devil, whore, liar, cheater and other delightful things.
He’s doing this because he’s afraid. Yes. They are afraid of us. Because they need us. – We do not need them in any way though it might feel like it. If they know were suspecting they’re up to something the anger and name-calling come out.
Once they know their cover is blown the rage at this shows up in scenarios that inspire our intimidation and shame. They rage and then slap that nice-face back in place before we see too much of the sociopath behind the mask. The narcissist and the sociopath have an intense fear of losing their grip on us.
Crazy Comes For Deception and Lies: The Other Women
We’re lied to about anything under the sun. Frequently one of the first lies we start to suspect is the lie about “other women”. We feel like there’s something going on, there’s someone else… things are just not right.
We feel – and know – that it isn’t us they’re into. Bizarrely this can draw us more deeply into wanting them and into wanting the narcissistic sociopath we’re dating to want us.
Here’s What They Think:
“To draw you closer, an aura of desirability is created—of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for you to be the preferred object of their attention, to win them away from a crowd of admirers. They manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding themselves with members of the opposite sex: friends, former lovers, and your eventual replacement. Then, they create triangles that stimulate rivalry and raise their perceived value.” – Adapted, “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene, Sociopaths and Triangulation
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Sociopaths and Narcissists are Predictable
The sociopath uses a few standard tactics to keep us spinning. One Huge-O-Horrible one is: he’ll talk about another woman who is better than we are, who loves him better, who understands him more, and how bad we are by comparison.
This is called triangulation. It keeps us wanting to make him happy. It keeps us wanting to prove we’re good enough, better than her, (or them) and he should love us.
The real truth is: She’s not having any fun either, or soon won’t be. He’s going to take her (and all of them) through the five stages of true love scam as well. And… by now we know the truth about sociopaths’ sex lives don’t we…?
Vanity Has Nothing To Do With It
I don’t believe for one second this extra crazy-making losing has anything to do with vanity. There’s a certain aspect built into the bones and DNA of a pathological user (a sociopath).
Dating a sociopath is something people fall into due to their innate over the top effect and magnetism over the people who admire, or like, or feel they love them. This effect naturally leaves us feeling crazy.
Additionally, it’s natural to bond and to try to make things work. We’re not looking for someone to be lying or deceiving us; we’re looking to make things work.
Humans Need Validation and Praise
“When praised highly by others, one feels that there is no hardship one cannot bear. Such is the courage that springs from words of praise. …When praised, one does not consider one’s personal risk, and when criticized, one can recklessly cause one’s own ruin. Such is the way of common mortals.” – The True Aspect of All Phenomenon, Nichiren Daishonin
Confusion is a Sign of Dating a Narcissist aka Sociopath
Sign Number Two
The things he says make us confused. – Because the things he says are confusing. They don’t make logical sense. They aren’t expressing genuine emotions or thoughts or many genuine ideas.
There are things we can learn to decipher and decode the sociopath or narcissist we’re dating. We can come to comprehend everything the sociopath does and says so that we aren’t bamboozled but can break free.
Feeling Inexplicably Not-Happy Signals an Abnormal Relationship
Sign Number Three
A definite sign of dating a sociopath or dating a narcissist comes in this mind-numbing misery. An unquantified, indefinable sense of unhappiness, of uneasiness and sadness.
It is not a sign that we’re crazy to be unhappy with a sociopath – there is no happiness to be had dating a sociopath or dating a narcissist. The emotional confusion and pain a sociopath inspires are subtle and obvious at the same time. It creates complete misery.
Trust Your Gut
Know that your body is telling us something with this unhappiness. Follow our instincts! Emotions are a symphony of chemical changes in the body. If yours are going up and down like a roller coaster and crashing harder after the drop each time: trust your gut. You’re not crazy. You’re suffering. We all deserve to be happy.
Listen to your intuition. Take some quiet time. Break the patterns with him. Next time he says something insulting or provoking: stay silent. Or give an answer that’s not the norm. Maybe something very calmly without hostility, or hurt, or anger like: well, if that’s how you feel about it, that’s your problem, and walk away. Keep cool.
Reach Out: Talk To and Tell People Who Love Us
Neon Sign Number Five
We feel afraid to tell people what’s happening. This is another effect of the sociopath’s spellbinding. The way we feel is so mixed up, and we’re afraid to get him in trouble or to make him mad and… maybe we’re just crazy.
Let’s stop that train wreck of post-trauma emotions turning into mistaken thoughts and ideas right there. The sociopath has a built-in effect on other humans; they scare us naturally with no effort on their part. This is an effect we’re going to feel for a long time even after he’s out the door and the lock has been changed.
We’ll go through trauma and post-trauma which is fear and doubt and confusion and feeling crazy. It is another illusion of their effect and the natural response to the deceit and falsehood they are. Know this… It will get easier.
We Try to Resolve Things & Take Responsibility
Tell-Tale Sign Number Five
Let’s say we still think maybe we’re crazy. Here – for fun and educational purposes is a test. A test to take to determine if we’re a sociopath. (Ha. We are so not.) Just a few easy questions that will fly by in a minute or two. Notice the questions. Notice the answers on the far end of the spectrum that indicate someone is a sociopath. Not such a fine list of traits.
Memorize the 20 characteristics of a sociopath, if you see one of these characteristics they’re likely all there. Reframe every nuance of interaction with him or with her through this lens. Set ourselves free, reframe the nightmare of dating a sociopath or a narcissist. Find your way back to happy.
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