Toxic Language: Limiting Words

We are amazing, awesome and courageous.
We are in control of our destiny
and can change, chose and be free.

Toxic language and limiting words can limit, stop, misdirect or control us. Those unfortunate words can come from others, or ourselves.

sociopath awareness narcissistic abuse recovery

It might seem too simple to think we can change our lives with words, but amazingly we can.

When we become aware of our words, those we say out loud, and those we say in our own head where no one else is listening we can change our lives.

How deeply would you like to recovery?

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Mean Words Hurt: Toxic Words Do Too

Toxic language comes from toxic people and what we used to refer to as dysfunctional people. But, how many of us realize that we also might have words we use regularly that limit our lives? Words we use regularly that stop relationship building with others in its tracks? Vocabulary that dampens our taking positive action for ourselves? Surprising?

We are amazing, awesome and courageous. We are in control of our destiny and can change, chose and be free.

The fact is: The power of words is astonishing! Poison words, toxic words, stop words, dysfunctional words: limiting language makes anyone including ourselves less fun to be around. Language is connected to our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and actions. These words also inform our next feelings, thoughts and actions!

Toxic Language and Neuro-Linguistic Programing

Let’s talk about some of the words we use that could be (absolutely are) holding us back and limiting our lives. The reality is, we- our own words and vocabulary influence our our feelings, thoughts and actions. Our language limits or frees and expands our lives. Realizing this and putting new vocabulary habits into practice is beneficial as we fend our way through discovery-recovery from hell and broken to whole and back to ourselves plus extra!

The words we choose reveal our feelings and beliefs. Our language affects our feelings, thoughts, beliefs, emotions and what we do. Words reflect our perspective on life. And these same words then create and affect our life and circumstances.

Awareness of how we speak -the words we use- is an amazing tool for recovery and healing. Our language is tied to living our lives positively, energetically, with hope and with reaching our goals.

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Examples of Limiting Language

We can change our thinking, our emotions, and our actions by changing our words. This is a simple place to start when we want to eliminate limits and fill our life with positivity. There’s actually a science behind it! Neuro-linguistic programming. We can change those “poison words” to phenomenal words and change our experience. Truly! At a deep level; this isn’t a superficial change that comes with switching out our vocabulary from toxic to beneficial, but a real change

Let’s try an experiment; read these words and see how you feel; say them out loud. And take a pause to check in and notice how they feel in your body.

Don’t, Doesn’t
Can’t, Won’t
Always
Never
Should, Shouldn’t
Try
But
Might, Try

Can you recall times you speak using these words? These kinds of sentences: I’ll never be able to ___. I should have said ___ . Think of some actual moments where you used can’t, won’t, never, always, should, shouldn’t, might, try while talking to yourself about the current circumstances you’re facing because of the hijacking you’ve escaped.

You might like to know more from the leading theorist in the field of neuro-linguistic programming, Noam Chomsky. Mr. Chomsky does use his theories within political ideas, you may or may not agree with his politics, fair warning. Another book to take a dive into it is: Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies.

Language That Moves Us In the Direction of Our Dreams and Goals

Toxic words and poison, limiting language aren’t something I made up! Though I did instinctively use an aspect of NLP in my own recovery and now call Self-Talk and offer as a method in discovery-recovery sessions to support our way out of PTSD.

These toxic words are real and really limit, stop, and leave people flat and without a solution. They stop forward movement. Toxic language limits progress, creativity, going forward, and going for goals.

Words build us up or bring us down. Language, the finest snip of a collection of words, or one word all on its own inspire or deflate us.

Here are some examples:

Scenario 1:

You: I might try to lose some weight; I need to lose 25 pounds.
Friend: You always say that.

Scenario 2:

You: It’s your turn to take out the trash.
Spouse: What do you mean?! I always do it! You never take the trash out!

Where can things go after that limiting and finite always…? After that finite limiting stop word: never.

More examples of ways we use limiting words in our own thoughts:

You, to yourself: I should have known he was lying.
You, to yourself: I’ll never trust anyone again.
You, to yourself: I always pick the wrong guy (or gal).

How many of us do this maybe daily, weekly, often. Can you feel the limiting view this makes? When we think things like: “I always do __.” Where can you go after “always”…? “Always” is an absolute with no wiggle room for change, growth or self-development.

And how many times do we put stop words into our dreams and goals? I can’t… Or I won’t ever be able to… Or I’ll never get it right. This is limiting, harmful language that affects our lives! Even one little word contains influence and power.

Toxic Words Limit Our Lives

It might not seem like switching out words we use could make a big difference, but it really, really does… Let’s break down the first example sentence: I might try to lose weight; I need to lose 25 pounds.

I might; the word might in this instance signifies a lack of determination towards our goal. What if we were to switch out might for will? I will lose weight.
try; The use of try hints at uncertainty and again a lack of determination and a lack of confidence in ourselves to accomplish our goal. Simply leave out the word try altogether.
to lose: At first glance this seems a perfectly servicable word choice, but the thing is: Humans can’t act on a “negative”. Lose symbolizes minus, taking away, which -yep- carries a “negative” with it. To circumvent this less actionable notion swap in the thing we want to gain, a “positive”, the thing we want to achieve. Such as, I want to be healthy.
I need; this is a word that calls for unpacking as they say. When we need something it’s worth thinking about what motivates the “need”. What’s the motivation behind “needing” to lose?
to lose = The goal is framed in “the negative”. Instead think of goals in terms of what you desire to achieve, be, or do rather than what you’ll get rid of, undo, or lose.

Freedom Begins with Our Words

Coming out of a nightmare after a predator is unbelievable. There’s no one who understands it unless they’ve been in it. There’s a bizarre exception to the above toxic language examples. Maybe you can guess when that is…

Here’s a very real thing that is extremely critical. Oddly, “never” and “always” do fit when assessing and contemplating all things related to a sociopath – the narcissist- a pathological parasitic predator’s intentions, desires, needs, and actions. Due to the mental limitations of their abnormal brains their behavior is fixed. They are limited and predictable. For example: They “always” present a facade of “good guy”. They “never” have only one person at a time that they’re using. They “never” sincerely want the children, and so forth. It is critical that we take in, accept and apply the facts of how parasitic predators’ brains work in order to maneuver them out of our lives.

This limited thinking and toxic language is natural within people who have an abnormal, under-functioning brain that is sociopathy. They always and never many things. We can learn to use their limitations to maneuver them out of our lives and gain our safety, and absolute freedom from pathological predators. We are amazing, awesome, and courageous. We are in control of our destiny and can change, chose, and be free.

Sending all good things…

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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Time to Thrive!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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