Toxic Language: Limiting Words

We are amazing, awesome and courageous.
We are in control of our destiny
and can change, chose and be free.

Toxic language and limiting words can limit, stop, misdirect or control us. Those unfortunate words can come from others, or ourselves.

sociopath awareness narcissistic abuse recovery

It might seem too simple to think we can change our lives with words, but amazingly we can.

When we become aware of our words, those we say out loud, and those we say in our own head where no one else is listening we can change our lives.

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Mean Words Hurt: Toxic Words Do Too

Toxic language comes from toxic people. We’re pretty all sure about that. But, how many of us realize that using those same limiting words has a good chance of becoming a habit for healthy people?

Let’s talk about the effect words we oursleves use have within our own lives. We can influence our own outcome and feelings, thoughts and actions with our words. This is so beneficial as we fend our way through discovery-recovery from hell and broken to whole and back to ourselves plus extra.

We are amazing, awesome and courageous. We are in control of our destiny and can change, chose and be free.

The power of words is astonishing! Poison words, toxic words, stop words, dysfunctional words: limiting language makes anyone including ourselves less fun to be around. Language is connected to our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and actions.

The words we choose affect our feelings, thoughts, emotions and what we do. And all of this package of self affects our life and circumstances. This is an amazing tool for recovery and healing. Our language is tied to living our lives positively, energetically, with hope and reaching our goals.

Toxic Language and Neuro-Linguistic Programing

One thing I’ve realized is a deeper awareness of words; others words but more importantly my own words including those whispsered inside my head that no one else hears.

We can change our thinking, our emotions, and our actions by changing our words. This is a simple place to start when we want to eliminate limits and fill our life with positivity.

Neuro-linguistic programming is the science behind it; common sense when you think about it is how we can think of it, and changing those poison words to phenomenal words is how we experience it.

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Examples of Limiting Language

Let’s try an experiment; read these words and see how you feel; say them out loud. Here’s the words that stop, limit or end possibility. Words and toxic language that make hope go down, ideas fizzle, positivity wane:

Don’t, Doesn’t
Can’t, Won’t
Always, Never
Should, Could
Would, Might
Try, Need to
But, However

What’s Behind Our Thoughts and Actions is Found in Our Language

If this idea of neuro-linguistic programming and how our language both reflects and influences our thoughts, emotions, and actions you might like to know more from the leading theorist in the field of neuro-linguistic programming, Noam Chomsky. Mr. Chomsky does use his theories within political ideas, you may or may not agree with his politics, fair warning.

Let’s agree that we’re concerned with neuro-linguistic programming, and applying it to our benefit in our own lives rather than politics. Plus there are some good books out there about neuro-linguistic programming… even the for Dummies! series has an excellent book on NLP. – It’s on my bookshelf ; )

Language That Moves Us In the Direction of Our Dreams and Goals

Toxic words and poison, limiting language aren’t something I made up! Though I did instinctively use an aspect of NLP in my own recovery and now call Self-Talk and offer as a method in discovery-recovery sessions to support our way out of PTSD.

These toxic words are real and really limit, stop, and leave people flat and without a solution. They stop forward movement. Toxic language limits progress, creativity, going forward, and going for goals.

Words build us up or bring us down. Language, the finest snip of a collection of words, or one word all on its own inspire or deflate us.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re talking with a friend:

You: I might try to lose some weight; I need to lose 25 pounds.
Friend: You always say that. You’re never going to do it whether you might try or not.

Okay, so not the best friend in the world, that’s a possible conclusion after this brief exchange. But, did that friend repeat and reflect our own sentiment, and thinking or did they make it up…?

How many of us could have had this conversation alone, both sides of it in our own head in two seconds flat? How many of us do this … maybe daily, weekly, often about some desire, goal, dream or wish we have? Let’s take this example part word by word.

Toxic Language Limits Us: Even When it Comes From Us

I might = There is a lack of determination in this word: Substitute: I will
try = Hesitancy and uncertainty: Substitute: Leave this word out altogether.
to lose = Humans can’t act on a “negative”: Substitute: What we want to achieve.
I need = What’s the motivation “to lose”? (Or think, “to be” size 10, or be 130)
to lose = The goal is framed in “the negative”: Think of goals in terms of what you desire to achieve, be, or do rather than what you’ll get rid of, undo, or lose.

As an example, we can rephrase things such as, “Don’t wait for them to go no contact”, can be turned into a more open and easier to hear idea such as, “Rather than waiting for them to go no contact, we can block them.” – or – “You shouldn’t do that!”, we can transform into more uplifting concern that also conveys compassion, “Please consider doing what feels right for your well being.”

Toxic Language Replaced By Words That Enrich Our Lives

Let’s take a look at this list of toxic language and come up with an alternate for each.

Don’t – Substitute a “do” concept: don’t run, becomes: walk
Doesn’t – Substitute what does
Can’t – I can’t make Friday, becomes, can: I can make Wednesday at Noon or Tuesday.
Won’t – Shift what won’t to will. I won’t talk to you anymore: I will keep it to myself
Always – Always is a huge concept. Use it sparingly
Never – You never, they never, it will never…? See always above
- Oddly, never and always do fit all things related to a sociopath/narcissists ways of behaving. Due to their mental limitations their behavior is fixed.
Should – You should, he should, I should have. Should expresses an order or regret
Could – Could can be a great substitute for should. Other times it’s doubt-filled
Would – Usually followed by “if”. I would do it if… bargaining, blackmail, expecting someone else to do it. And “it” is often something we’re trying to get out of.
Might – I might if… dependent upon someone or something else
Try – As NIKE says… (Just) do it (More on the word “just” in another article.)
Need to – Use need to sparingly
But – But negates or disregards what came before the word but
However – Same effect as but

Freedom From Limitations Begins in our Language

Coming out of a nightmare after a predator is unbelievable. There’s no one who understands it unless they’ve been in it. There’s a bizarre exception to the above toxic language examples. You can guess when that is.

It’s when it comes to the behavior and thinking and actions of people who are without our limbic brain which connects and feels love.

This limiting and toxicity is natural within people who have an abnormal, under-functioning brain that is sociopathy. Essentially, a reptilian brain. They do always and never many things.

We can learn to use their limitations to maneuver them out of our lives and gain our safety, and absolute freedom from pathological predators. We are amazing, awesome, and courageous. We are in control of our destiny and can change, chose, and be free.

Sending all good things…

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.