Why do we believe the lies of a sociopath?
Is something wrong with us?
Nope. Not a chance. We are our own saving grace.
When our heart knows something feels wrong we have to decide what to believe or to accept in order to balance our world. It’s natural to do this, we can’t not do this, because human beings need harmony in thought, word and action. Without it we fall into confusion – or cognitive dissonance – until we resolve the disparity.
Believing the lies of a sociopath is inspired by an involuntary mechanism, a function wired into the human psyche in an attempt to stay whole and healthy in an effort to remain true to ourselves and the goodness we cherish, and just one other small normal thing: to be on the same page as the person we’re sleeping with.
Believing others is normal. It’s a good thing.
Genuine Normal Humans Create Balance and Reconcile Differences
There are circumstances when we need to adjust our own ideas to fit into or accept the culture within a certain group or workplace. We all do it – and it isn’t always a damaging or a negative outcome. When it’s a positive and mutual between two people we call it: compromise. – We don’t know it until we do, but with a sociopath we’re the only one who cares and the only one doing any compromising. In order to rationalize something that seems out of sync with our beliefs or ideas when we’re with a sociopath we superficially and temporarily transform our thinking. In this case it’s to match the sociopath’s purported beliefs and relationship values.
We’re Super Heroes.
We’re our own saving grace.
We are all we need. That and someone who gets it.
We Never Really Lose Who We are Under the Sociopaths Influence
Thankfully, deep inside us, our real and true core values remain. – When the time is right, this is the golden rope we can grab onto to pull ourselves out of the abyss. We are our own saving grace.
The need to balance disparate beliefs and resolve cognitive dissonance saves us. – Again this need to balance thought, word and deed comes into play under common situations, such as to do the work we do, or join a particular group or club. As a few simplistic examples, if we work for a company that doesn’t treat employees fairly, we might let that go in order to keep a job. Or we might not be a complete fan of our church that discriminates against certain groups, but we continue going because of other things of value that we gain from attending.
Ultimately, rationalizing away our own sense of what is right to get along with someone else is never healthy and eats away at our soul. This clash in thoughts or ideals occurs in brain washing or induction into cults who don’t allow any compromise, but force the group standards on everyone through emotional tactics much like a sociopath influences us to adjust to their oddities.
We’re Our Own Heroes – Being Fully Human Sets Us Free
Our inner truth and values, and our own strength allows us to pull ourselves out of the cognitive dissonance and shake off the chains of the sociopath. Though we’re ensnared, enough of the “real us” snaps back to presence most often when the sociopath makes a huge blunder. When they tell whopper number 987, a lie so big we can’t swallow it, or when they stay away for three nights, or steal our new iPhone making a transgression so glaring we can’t register it as “okay” no matter what. This is the moment the sociopath dreads and pulls tricks to prolong every single hour of every day.
Its hard-wired within human nature to trust. We’re equally hard-wired in the deep inner workings of life to no longer feel positively towards the person who breaks our trust.
Sociopaths monitor our bond to them with continued empathy tests.
A Sociopath Can Be Nothing But a Sociopath – Forever
These abnormal creatures keep us primed to believe their lies and their twisted logic, by laying on affection and withholding and ignoring us, or being nice, or threatening us and playing victim and with dramatic tantrums they throw. They’ve learned when to pull back, when to seem loving, when to be angry, sick, mean or unavailable or ignore us for the results they want: our emotional reaction and entanglement. They’re accidental experts from the dark side at manipulation. Accidental manipulation and the fallout of our two very different realities colliding, achievable only as long as we don’t see what they are
Antisocial psychopaths are identical in their limited, reptilian brains.
Sociopaths Learn Human Behavior from Using Others
Sociopaths know if they can cause a new marker of “right” it buys our benefit of the doubt, allowing them to carry out egregious actions we would not ever otherwise accept. It gives them space to play and ruin. As their influence over us goes on we must fall into darkness in order to stay, or rip through the facade to the reality of what’s happening and run for freedom.
Eventually that moment comes when we see clearly and place more meaning and significance once again, in our inner values than in their malarkey. This is a moment they fear and the moment they become more dangerous.
Sorting Out Two Parallel Realities to See the Truth
Once we leave Mr. or Ms. Monster, once we’ve sent them out of our home, we’ve got more cognitive dissonance to handle. Now we doubt that the absent, mask-wearing devil did and said what they did. Why? Again, it’s the natural human need for harmony. It’s not possible NOT to doubt our own disbelief in the person who we believed to be our soul mate. How’s that for irony? We’re going to suffer with this cognitive dissonance and ptsd after a sociopath. But we will make our way out. We will be whole again.
We can do it. We are amazing.
All sociopaths think alike. They all equally lack compassion, care, kindness, concern, loyalty, commitment, love, devotion, fidelity, monogamy, trustworthiness, honesty or any genuine positive bonding emotion. They love who they are. They delight in using and ruining all people: Family, friends, parents, sisters, brothers, lovers, wives, husbands, children. They. Do. Not. Love. They enjoy being monsters.
We believe the lies of a sociopath because we’re healthy and normal.
Grab your golden rope. Hold hard to your values and beliefs. Trust your gut. Have faith in your own life. Embrace your life. Be your own saving grace. Block the sociopath who hijacked you. Establish no contact. Let who we are shine. Be human. Live in the light.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!