Sociopaths hate us – after we take away their toys.
When they first spot us we look like a juicy morsel of things to take.
They feel nothing much about us otherwise – until we see through them.
All sociopaths know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. We have the advantage of being real people who can love and feel. We are flexible, reasonable. We have wisdom mingled in compassion. A potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life; the stuff human kindness is made of. Sociopaths hate us – they are loveless, and without conscience. – They also know while they use us – we can ruin them by exposure. This evokes rage.
When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing – and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them. ~ Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD. Psychology
Sociopaths are limited. Sociopaths are reactionary, defensive, and grasping for what they perceive as power in money, and position. What ever ‘status’ they seem to hold is always fake. They have nothing without hijacking other people’s lives. This can be on a grand scale involving millions of dollars, or at a low economic level for basic needs: housing, food, internet, clothes, a phone – and all else in between. They crave a good reputation. Sometimes in the heat of being discovered, or in fear of losing a gain, they’ll take unplanned, improvised actions that may even cause themselves harm directly or indirectly in over-the-top criminality. Their weakness is a constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds makes them predictable. This leaves gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters.
There are moments when no matter the
position of the body the soul is on its knees. ~ Victor Hugo
Ten months after marrying the man of my dreams the winding, hair-pin turn, dead-drop roller coaster ride started of disengaging my life from his ruination. I felt every grueling, gut-punch. Fear never left me. Grief slept and woke with me each morning. Grief and loss are part of the PTSD after a sociopath. In my case grief was not over lost love.
My love for him broke utterly in the three days I discovered what he was. I was fortunate to have such clarity. I held no illusions or mistaken feelings that even a tiny breath of time with him had been real. He did his best to make me believe a deep vein of true love ran between us even during the ten days it took him to move out.
Those hideous moments flipped on a dime to his blatant contempt for me. As harsh as the hatred for me was – it was the truth. His fake sugar-candy sweetness, softness and humility no longer soothed me: his false kindness was evil in disguise, and potentially more dangerous than his open plots and insults.
Even grief and loss serve us well.
As human beings we can find value in those emotions.
Sociopaths hate us for being what we are – human – and paradoxically hijack our humanity because they have none. They need us for their survival – as in if we don’t believe them – if no one believed them – would they exist…?
Our brain has a center that lights up like a Christmas tree when we, feel love or concern. Sociopaths brains do not register these feelings. They ain’t got no Christmas tree. We genuinely light up in love, joy, kindness as well as sorrow and grief. They think our emotions are ridiculous, a waste of time. Useless. They use our emotions to get what they need – so they falsely think they are in charge.
Without emotions we can’t build a life. Without emotions we can’t love our children. Without emotions we can’t care for our (real) husbands, our wives, our moms and dads or even our pets. Since we are full of complex and full emotional capacity, we can use even the grief of a lost child or intense difficulties to create depth and value. – Sociopaths mimic our emotions. They steal the contents of our hearts… and our wallets, but still sociopaths hate us; and as they borrow and steal our lives, they remain bereft of compassion and love as a desert is of water. When it comes down to it – all they can have is cold power. Power – for the sociopaths who hate us – comes in the form of money, loveless routine sex and control. It’s so monotonous, they’re often bored enough to chew their own hands off.
Sociopaths want to look good, take our money, have a kid here or there, feel like they are King or Queen… and move on before being caught. Or before their boredom overwhelms them. Sociopaths are “antisocial psychopaths” or are sometimes now referred to as having an “anti-social personality disorder”. (Not a fixable disorder.) A sociopath wants our lives, our money, our material goods, our social or business contacts. Then they want to split. They don’t want to kill us. They don’t want to go to jail. They just borrow us to skate through a section of time. – When we see them behind the mask they know it is time to go. By understanding their primal, reptilian brain we can make that “going” cleaner and easier for ourselves, there are “break-up musts” when it comes to escaping a sociopath.
That said: Do not tempt a sociopath’s rage. It’s easy to ignite their erratic defense mechanisms. Do not underestimate the danger a sociopath represents. Do not argue with them, challenge or threaten them. None of this leads anywhere but to more pain and risk for ourselves. – They don’t care what we think – except when it places them in a position of being exposed or loosing goods. When you see what they are, do this: zip it. Stay silent. Get them out. Or go yourself.
Stand up! See the sociopath for what he or she is! Reframe the entire debacle from the view-point of a sociopath’s mind. Use their weaknesses to leverage them out of our lives and minimize the damage.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!