Category Archives: ITS OVER

Get rid of the trash.

5 Reasons the Sociopath Nut-Bag Isn’t Hoovering

Sociopaths are famous for relentless Hoovering.
If they aren’t – count yourself lucky.
But, why isn’t the socio-freak Hoovering?

Eventually the sociopath goon gives up the Hoovering, or – shockingly – doesn’t Hoover at all. And, ya know what? — We wonder why?

Hoovering narcissistic sociopaths show their absolute nuts-o selves. We’re harassed and plagued by the exiting sociopath.

Antisocial psychopaths text threats, they beg, they beseech, they moan, and insult, they profess true love. They email, they drive by, they leave flowers at our door, they call from blocked numbers and have “friends” call us on their behalf.

So… what if we aren’t being Hoovered?

Hoovering isn’t done out of love – that isn’t a possibility, sociopaths cannot love; like reptiles, sociopaths don’t love their own children. – In no way is this kind of persistent stalking behavior “love” from anyone. Ever. And, fyi: normal people don’t do this. Sociopaths do.

If we aren’t being Hoovered there’s a reason.

Let’s review why sociopaths Hoover; not Hoovering is the flip-side.

A Quick Refresher on Why Sociopaths Hoover

1. Narcissistic sociopath maniacs don’t want to lose prey or objects they take.
2. This makes them want to keep our emotional connection to them alive.
3. So they can take and use more.
4. And to monitor what we’re saying to others about them.

And that’s it. There is no more.

Why Isn’t the Ex-Narc Sociopath Hoovering?

There are a few reasons a sociopath narcissist doesn’t Hoover. Or a combination of these things. – It isn’t random. Every action a sociopath makes fits their limited mental capacity and true intention. – Let’s break it down.

Like everything else about a sociopath, narcissist, narc, narcopath – whatever we’re calling them: they have very specific and limited brain functionality. The tiny lump of gray-matter pulsating in their skulls leaves them in a constant state of “want” – wanting to take what they want, wanting to keep it, and really, really, really wanting to never be exposed. Exploitation is the sociopath’s life-long work.

Their brains only process in this way – and that’s it.

Sociopaths aren’t geniuses: they have no limits. This means they think of doing horrible things that aren’t in our scope of possibility, so we don’t think of them; and can’t imagine someone being able to think of them, let alone do them because these things are so, so, so wrong. — This does not equal smart.

So, let’s imagine using that kind of sociopath-brain, shall we? Can we…? – It’s tough, but necessary to get out of the narcissistic nightmare and clearly see what happened and why – and why Hoovering ends.

Think Like a Narcissistic Sociopath

You see a person. You scope them out: raw and quick: primal hunting. You approach. You ask what time it is, or give them a compliment. The normal person is trusting you – because that’s what normal people do. And do more of when anyone – even a stranger – expresses need or kindness. (Wow.)

You (from the sociopath’s point of view) chat them up, get a number, things move fast… fast forward to: you’ve taken their money, used their car, maybe hit them, had them buy you clothes, had sex with them, told them they only think they love you, moved in… all while doing this to about six or seven other idiots. It’s so boring with this one now, and they’re seeing the real-you, so you exit, or: they tell you to leave.

This is when the narcissistic sociopath’s deepest fear kicks in. Animalistic fear. Like a trapped wild-dark-beast there’s only this on the sociopath’s mind: get more and go free. They become desperate. Rabid.

The end of the scam hits them hard.
They regret not taking more and disappearing sooner.

5 Reasons Sociopaths Don’t Hoover After the Get-Away

1. We weren’t of high value to the sociopath.

No one is genuinely valued by a sociopath; they have their own valuation-scale. It’s based on: do we render results for their pocket book? Yes or no. – If we aren’t an open window to things they want they “value” us at about: subzero.

That sounds harsh, right? Well… we’re truly fortunate if we rate subzero. It means they didn’t get what they wanted to enhance their life, their image or whatever else they covet. The loser-leech couldn’t take the goods. Or we wouldn’t do what they wanted such as sponsor them for a green card, or give them money, or buy them a car, or feed them.

Many times a little feeding is all it takes for them to stick around! 

More Reasons the Sociopath Isn’t Hoovering

2. They know we have hard evidence that could land them in the clink.

The last place a sociopath wants to be is in prison, yet soooo many are – and all of them have done things that merit jailing. Without a conscience, narcissistic sociopaths will do anything, including: forge signatures, steal, use violence, commit fraud and bigamy, threaten, stalk, carry weapons, use illegal drugs, rape… sociopaths will – and do – break any law. Laws mean nothing to them.

And here’s the thing: these super-creeps have done things we know nothing about to people we’ve never heard of – but they know what they’ve done. If they get busted and investigated for one thing: the unravelling begins: pull one thread and their world disintegrates.

The threat of this can send them running – quietly – so we miss out on the Hoovering. When they know, we know a dastardly thing they’ve done – or when they’ve done it to us they really get scared: ’cause we have the power. Pull out the strength and go no contact 100% – they still might try revenge: hideous things like filing (false) restraining orders against us, and when that fails: ultimately – they go away. They can’t risk getting in more hot water.

3. They’re busy with juice-ie prey in their net and on the horizon.

Priorities shift quickly for the improvisational sociopath-snake. Since normal people are the way a sociopath survives, they need a steady stream of bountiful pastures; normal people who trust and believe them and don’t suspect a thing – yet.

And they’re lazy. They want everything to be easy. If we’re a bit too much work or unyielding, they smell-out a more pliable target right next door. They’re distracted by the nearest shiny object (aka person.)

If they’re not getting what they want, and think we won’t blab our suspicions they just might slither away without a peep.

Sociopaths are Simplistic and Shallow. And Bored.

4. They’re just done. And bored with the game we represented.

Sociopaths are notoriously bored and boring and they do move on simply for that reason. Or they didn’t like our shag carpeting. Or it could be the way we fry their chicken. Or maybe the perfume we wear. Or maybe we buy wine they don’t like. It’s all about them. If something isn’t to their taste… they hit the road.

5. They’re saving us for later. Sociopaths Boomerang.

Give it a year, or two… sometimes ten or even twenty years later a sociopath reaches out their slimy claws to try again. – Yep. Old college or highschool or childhood sweethearts show up for round two. Or that creature who FB messages a year later as if nothing ever went bad: Hey! Let’s go out. I miss you. – They’re lying. Do not doubt ourselves – sociopaths are always lying.

Hoover Proof Our Lives

Sociopaths always want more. Their abnormal brains feel no remorse, love, guilt, sympathy, compassion, or positive concern. They do feel regret: regret at not taking more. So, Hoovering, not Hoovering it all comes from the same motivation: sucking in and tying up normal humans emotions, either in love, or fear to be sure the sociopath can take and get away with it. We miss the Hoovering out of their boredom, our subzero value or to make sure their persistent, relentless fear is never realized: being exposed, captured and locked up.

Never let a departing sociopath know that we intend to report marriage scam to immigration, or turn in a police report, or go to other authorities. Never make online or public disparaging or revealing remarks – even when they’re true.

Ratting them out publicly as we’re escaping serves no purpose other than to incite their rage and put ourselves in danger – and makes us look questionable – even to normal people. This can also hurt our divorce or annulment outcome or a domestic violence case. Just zip it and handle our lives. Do what it takes to be safe and give evidence where it’s appropriate.

Go no contact 100%. Really accept there are two kinds of humans on the planet. Good ones and bad ones. Know how to recognize each. Stay human, remain humane.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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The Monster Sociopath is Gone – Now What?

So the party’s over. The game is up.
They moved out. We’re divorced.
Will he come back? Why isn’t he calling the kids?
…Are we safe now?

First and foremost: ConGRaTuLaTioNS on breaking away!!!! We escaped the lies, the deception. Maybe violence. Economic abuse. Theft. Defrauding. We stood up for ourselves and demanded that our value be recognized in court, with police, with family and friends; with the monster himself. The beast knows we know and he knows it’s over.

We found out how amazing,
strong, capable and powerful we’ve always been.
Now we can apply it to our own lives!

It is over. At least it is on paper. The thing is though… even 2 months after they’re gone, 3 months, maybe longer we can still have really intense fear of him. Where is he? Why isn’t he Hoovering? When will he Hoover? Is he following me? Is he going to go after the kids? – Our friends say: get over it. Our family say: he’s a goof-ball, he won’t do anything.

The thing is, this is usually one point they’re pretty right about: there is nothing to fear. It will take time to relax and feel safe, but – seriously – when the sociopath’s world of lies has been blown apart they disappear. If there’s any possibility they’ll lose their freedom or be besmirched in the eyes of those adoring fans they always think are watching them – they take off – usually without announcing their departure and often in the middle of the night. If there are any legitimate legal things he could be pinned with – or even imagined impending jail time on his part – he’s far down the road by now.

The same goes for a female sociopath. They need to move on.
They need to keep their livelihood going. – A reason they keep many targets at a time and manage long distance relationships that are scams as well. They have no patience for jail time – or wrung-out-dried-up prey. – Remember – that’s what we were to them. Surprise, surprise that con man had no idea who he was messing with!

Was there violence? – If the sociopath who hijacked us is violent – whether male or female, be sure to secure our safety above all else. Sociopaths coming out of jail for domestic abuse can be beyond aggressive when they’re released. Sociopaths cannot be reasoned with. – They’re said to have no fear of – and do not change from punishment, rehab or therapy. Be safe.

Bye-bye Liar-Pants-Scum-Bag Sociopath!

The only things sociopaths care about:

1) Getting what they want.
2) Keeping what they’ve taken.
3) Not being exposed for what they really are.

This involves doing anything they feel like doing to get the things they want from where ever or whomever they can take these things, and maintaining (in their own mind) the perception that people think well of them. That’s why they’re called con men. Con artists. Grifters.

Sociopaths do not love their children. They love no one. They may stay in touch with their kids – or try to – if there’s some benefit to them in maintaining the connection. Otherwise – not.

75394_1680681265769_1681818_nFor example: If they have children they may pretend they care about the kids, as in: I’m a great dad! – This gives them that front-of-respectability they’re constantly seeking. They may sporadically use the kids’ images on their Facebook page – and yet never contact them. Not even know them. They may claim the children to look good in a divorce – or for new prey.

Otherwise he does not care – If he thinks he could get something from them – either via them to get back in good with us – or directly from them, he would be in touch. Female conning sociopaths can be somewhat more tenacious about keeping the kids – if the kids can serve as meal ticket to alimony and child support. – Female sociopaths do not love their children.

Celebrate their departure!!
Sociopaths destroy their children.
No child needs a sociopath parent.

If there are court ordered child visits: Keep records of his – or her – emails, calls and contact with the kids – or lack of contact. Having no calls in the call log, no visits on the books could be useful in court at some later date if we still have any need to prove his or her lack of concern for the kids.

Keep emails about custody and visits. These have time and date stamps as well as traceable origins: technology tells where he’s typing that email from – which computer – which city. These can be useful in court or in calling their bluff.

Other than official matters regarding the children, stay no contact. Sociopaths are never going to get better. They’re never going to care

Sociopaths have to move on because innocent human beings are their livelihood. They can’t linger with prey that is useless to them. Con men and female sociopaths need new tender targets who are giving them material items: money, shelter, status, clean clothes, a toothbrush, connections, a shower or a “cover” in order to appear as fascinating, upstanding citizens. Remember they never do anything that isn’t manipulation for their benefit. – Not around this joint anymore!!! We are freeeeee!

Breathe. Rest easy.
Sending you freedom and joy.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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A Sociopath, a Narcissist and their Children

What’s the difference between a Narcissist and a Sociopath towards their kids?
Love from a Narcissist hurts. A Sociopath uses children as a tool.
Narcissists and Sociopaths are two different animals. 

This difference matters so, so much when it comes to the kids. Though the word “Narcissist” is very, often used as a label attached to a description of the mind and behavior of what’s really a Sociopath – they are 2 different things.

All Sociopaths are narcissistic – but a Sociopath and a Narcissist are 2 different types of beasts. Sociopaths are Monsters. Narcissists are mean.

This difference can matter significantly in terms of the kids.

A Sociopath loves no one. Period.
A Narcissist just might love their kids.
But man, oh man does it hurt!!

Sociopaths are obsessively concerned with what they think of as their “good reputation.” In their minds all eyes are on them, and they think they have a “following” – adoring fans – who judge the Sociopath on his great goodness and benevolence (hilarious!) and plain old fashioned “coolness.”

They do anything to make sure their “good name” isn’t besmirched. 

All sociopaths feel this way. They’re all alike and identical in their tactics. You can see this on their Facebook pages and social media. Even their children are used as props to look like respectable people.

To a sociopath, their kids are just another target.

Facebook is where they’ll plaster photos of their children.
The one’s they abandoned and have no contact with.
Little things; babies, 5-year-olds who grow up, thankfully, without them.

They do have people who are impressed with them and fooled into admiring them for short periods of time – including their children in some cases! This adoration can go on if they live in different locations and only see the flaming, fabulous, lying Facebook posts and believe them at face value. Eventually these people discover there’s no real substance, or see him or her for what they are – or someone warns them away – whatever it is, over time all those “fans” rotate and new ones overlap and fill up the space of the former ones – again and again and on and on. Until. We see through them.

Sociopaths have children only in an effort to look respectable. Male Sociopaths abandon their kids fairly easily. Many kids.  A trail of kids from many women. Female Sociopaths have kids in marriage – so they can use them as an alimony and child support and meal ticket. That’s it. Nothing else there. Sociopaths pretend to love their children – and even fool professional mental heath specialists and psychologists, and are perceived perhaps as Narcissists by them, but frequently not for the monsters they truly are – imagine how deeply they trick their children.

Narcissists and Sociopaths are not the same.

Narcissists have the capacity to love. They do love their kids. Their love hurts like h-e-double-toothpicks, but to a child – it’s love – painful love, but – hey, It’s our mom or dad. In cases of divorce Narcissists will and do hang around. Narcissist parents can never meet the emotional needs of their children – or spouses; they’re focused on their own off-center needs – however, unlike the Sociopath, Narcissists aren’t living a false world of lies about who they are and what they do in order to steal and defraud.

Narcissists have egos the size of elephants. They badger, and guilt-trip and criticize most especially their families. They’re not pathological liars as Sociopaths are. Narcissists don’t live off of other people taking everything from others for their own living. They’re mean, nasty, insulting, cut to the quick with their accurate arrows of hurtful words, then they surprise us by being loving. Here’s a link to Psychology Today’s description of a Narcissist mom. Narcissist parents see their children as an extension of themselves and so can place expectations and control over their children – wanting them to be “perfect.”

When it’s our dad, or our mom – yah, we love them.
We snuggle back in then get punched again and again with hurtfulness.
This can go on forever. Unless we step away.

Where Sociopaths eventually – usually very early – abandon their children, Narcissists hang on and on, inflicting their mean and hot and critical nature on especially those children they love. A Narcissist can – in theory – change, but they don’t. -They don’t see themselves as mean. They really think they’re great.

Narcissists aren’t have the abnormal brain of a Sociopath – so they do in fact, have some feelings of like and love – unfortunately they like and love themselves more than anyone else. They want to be catered to, to be the only one whose opinion matters and so hurl criticism to uplift themselves and lower us to beneath their feet, where their kids often remain for a lifetime unable to get out from under the parental grip of scanty affection peppered with plenty of pain and hurt. – Who needs ’em.

Not a great way to grow up. Not so nice. Not so necessary.
Escaping a Sociopath and getting out from under the Narcissist are all possible.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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Guidance out of the madness with a sociopath that makes a difference.

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How to End It with a Sociopath

We see through the façade.
We know enough to know something’s very, very wrong.

It’s time to take the trash out. Clean up the mess. 

869712ad8b9b168551b4d4b593c1d6dbSociopaths have interest in us for one reason and one reason only: to take things they want and need. They don’t care how we feel, what we think, or what we want – unless it interferes with them getting what they want.

They do monitor our willingness to give and they do behave towards us in ways that elicit continued “giving” and “doing” for them. And that’s about it. There isn’t more than this going on here.

They let us think we’re in a relationship. Tell us we’re “soul mates”. Make love to us. Make promises. Claim religion. Tell us a sob story from their past. Give us gifts. Make chaos. Lie to us. Send us lots of texts.

Get mad if we don’t answer. Take us to dinner. Lie more. Yell at us. Talk a lot. Put us down. Buy groceries. Ignore us sexually. Scare us. Give us money. Ignore us completely. Sleep a lot. Sleep with other women (or men.)

What’s going on…?

How to End it With a Sociopath

That’s all they are. That’s all they have to “offer”.
They keep us hooked in a number of ways. Some pleasant. Some painful.
All malarkey.

They spend our money. Want sexual things we don’t. Include us. Exclude us. Entrust us. Suspect us. Play sick. Stay out late. Keep us from our family or friends. Don’t work. Are gone a lot. Pretend to work very hard. Don’t answer our texts. Don’t pick up our calls. Block us from their Facebook. Keep us from our faith. Cry – fake tears. Lie even more. And more. Then lie some more. – We used to believe them. No more. Nope. We’ve had it. Pick up the trash and dump it.

Sociopaths Know Every Scam Relationship will End

First, if we’re not convinced read here, in the words of a sociopath how get rid of them:

“The best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to “poison the well” so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being useless or contrary, without being openly defiant… Pretend you’re tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don’t fight back. Say “I don’t know what’s come over me.” Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. After about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of her basic needs.”

There’s a lot of information here. It works.

How to Leave a Narcissistic Sociopath

Here are guidelines to end it with a sociopath safely and as quickly as can be and with the least fallout. There will be fallout. We will be frightened. It will feel like eons before they go. After they go we’ll go through post-traumatic stress. Doing nothing would be much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. We can protect ourselves. We can take immediate action. We can end this.

First things first:

  1. Keep our feelings to ourselves.
  2. Do NOT tell them we want out.
  3. Don’t confront or question them.
  4. Continue being agreeable or generally behaving as we have been.
  5. Make our minds a blank when we’re with them. Empty. No thoughts, no feelings. Blank.

Sociopaths are all alike. Identical tactics and limited thinking.
We use their weaknesses to get them gone.

The Next Thing We Do is Lie

Keep our plan to ourselves. Protect ourselves and our belongings immediately – secretly. Don’t hesitate. Do this now. Why…? – Because sociopaths steal and destroy at the end. They’re thieves. And liars. They like to take things like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant – just to say: I was here. They want last-minute funding, a car, a credit card –  and to leave us holding the bag.

They steal or sell identities. Do they aaaaall steal? Every time? If they feel like it – yes. They have no conscience. No guilt. No love.  They’re criminals. And they’re mean. Better to protect ourselves than be tragically sorry.

Sociopaths Steal

Remove all of the following to a safe location – a friend’s house, our work place, or a safe deposit box. Use this check list:

  1. Anything we care about for its sentimental or monetary value. The first item’s that come to mind are the ones. If he knows you treasure them, protect them. They go through our things – our drawers, closets, cupboards, dressers – that secret p!ace – they’ll sniff it out, to find things to take.
  2. Valuable jewelry in gold, silver, precious stones, watches, etc. Things they can pawn or sell.
  3. Cameras, laptops, audio gear, guns, anything easy to lift and take away.
  4. Photographs of the two of you. Including evidence of his abuse, your marriage, and anything compromising.
  5. Documents. All of them. Anything legal. Copy his. Make copies of ours and the kid’s. Then, along with the originals secure them safely out of the house.
  • Passports.
  • Social Security cards and numbers.
  • Birth Certificates.
  • Marriage Certificates.
  • Mortgage papers.
  • Car registrations.
  • Auto insurance.
  • Credit card information and statements and all numbers.
  • Bank account information.
  • Stocks, bonds, CD’s, all banking, investment or monetary records.
  • Immigration papers.
  • Change all our passwords, PINS and logins.
  • Have extra house or apartment keys made. Give them to a trusted friend to hold.
  • Write down numbers or better yet photo copies or take pictures of:
    • The sociopath’s Passport, ID’s, driver’s licenses, credit cards.
    • Bank or credit card statements.
    • Social Security number.
    • Receipts or pics or copies of wire money transfers from or to him or her.
    • If he has a car write down his license plate number, car make and model, take photos of it, take down the VIN number.
    • Keep photos of his face to ID him in case law enforcement, FBI, DEA or immigration become involved.

Community Property in Marriage

If we’re married to them, in eight states within the United States, all of our belongings – belong to them. They can take them and do anything with them if we’re married. Really. They call it community property. — This works both ways, what’s theirs is ours.

There’s another thing called common property. Look up your state. If he or she steals while you’re married chances are nothing is a Police matter or considered a crime. – Take care of ourselves. — Take your property. Whether married or not, transfer your personal savings and checking to another account – maybe a new account in a new bank or whatever feels most secure. Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.

Be Safe When Leaving a Sociopath

Here’s what I did: Hands shaking I took his credit cards out of his wallet. – MY credit accounts that I’d made him an “authorized user” on – while he was in the shower. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Then – I lied. I said: The credit cards (3) had been cancelled by the card companies for going over the limit. – He had taken them over the limit – but I made no accusation, I gave no detail, no other explanation – I said it apologetically, but with conviction. I said I did it to protect him – I said if he used them in public they’d be confiscated by the retailer and, “I wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed like that.”

Then a few days later I lied again. I said I’d lost my wallet so the checking account debit card had been cancelled. I stopped putting my pay check in our joint bank account – then I closed it. – Guess what? He knew how to reopen it. – I had to have the bank keep an eye out for 24-hours to make sure it stayed closed.

I watched him stay in the game no matter what lie I told.
The surreal mounts, but now we’re in control.
Ride it out. The way will open.

Here’s the thing: sociopaths make all kinds of preposterous claims as they lie their way through life. – Amazingly I found I could say anything and he played along as if it were true, though I was sure he knew it wasn’t.

I’d stumbled on sociopath-magic-rules-of-engagement: any lie is true. It was almost a high to fly so near the fringes and outsmart this being I now called in my head: The Monster. It was pure improvisation – life saving improvisation on my part. It was normal live-by-the-seat-of-his-pants-all-is-a-lie for him.

Underneath it we both knew our dynamics were shifting like silent, colliding tectonic plates of the Earth bringing inescapable unpredictable and life a threatening upheaval that I determined – no matter what – would settle as forced departure for him – and freedom for me.

Protect Ourselves When a Sociopath Leaves

Passwords and PINS and logins. Change them. All. If we can – block him or her on social media. As in: use the “block” function on FB, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, and all the rest. They won’t be notified, but they’ll also no longer see any of our Facebook, or other social media activity. – We also will not be able to see theirs. It’s called going no contact.

Become useless. Cut off goods and services.
If we have children – alter these as we can to care for them – and deprive him.

Shut Down the Things the Sociopath is Enjoying

Become absolutely useless to them. If we usually make dinner. Stop. If we normally take out the garbage and make the bed. Don’t. Forget his dry cleaning. Stop doing his laundry or leave it lumpy and half damp in the laundry basket. Passively, quietly, humbly, meekly, say, “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry, hon.” And. Nothing. Else. Period. You just gave a lifesaving Academy Award Winning performance. Keep it up.

Forget his favorite food. Sleep late, Stop cleaning. Disappear after work without calling him. Leave the car without gas. Forget to pay the internet bill – tell him it’s being shut off. Tell him your savings account is empty. Don’t talk at home. Keep to yourself. Sleep. Go in your room. Leave unexpectedly. Talk to your sister even though they hate it when we do.

Go back to church or meditation, working out, making art, or whatever faith or strength giving endeavor they tried to stop us from practicing. When they talk look away, bored. Walk out of the room. Have something better to do in the times we used to spend with them. Have no cash to hand out. Pay no more of his or her bills. Just say: “Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon.” And. Nothing. Else. You just won a Tony Award. You just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” – No – this does not make you a sociopath.

The sociopath will be baffled, taken aback, pissed. And leave within weeks.

Consider carrying a change of clothes and overnight things or having spares at work. Just a precaution. – Again this is without their knowledge. – If the sociopath invading your life is already violent with you – all the more so take this precaution. Make extra house keys. Give some to a really trusted good friend who had no connection to the sociopath. If you’re leaving the clutches of an actively violent sociopath please check with professional advisers on domestic violence.

Keep loving. Keep living like a real human. We are awesome.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

Join the confidential true love scam™ recovery email list.

Gmailers – always check your “promotions” tab that runs along the top of your inbox. Add jennifer (at) truelovescam (at) com to your contacts.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.
True Love Scam on Tumblr.

See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
true love scam participates in affiliate advertising. Any clicks or purchases made via links on the website bring a teeny-tiny commission towards running the website. Thank you so much!
© 2018 All Rights Reserved. True Love Scam™

Sociopaths & No Contact

No contact is a sociopath’s enemy.
No contact ends the sociopath’s game.
No contact removes us from harms way as prey of a sociopath.


Freedom from a life-stealing sociopath depends on establishing and keeping no contact.

No contact is not a mutual agreement.
No contact comes from us.

Sociopaths depend on keeping contact to keep control. The success of their mind-bending control over us, gaining their agenda and their survival is only possible with contact. – The more consistent and deep the contact, the more harm we’re in for.

Love bombing is contact that reels us in.

They bombard us, overwhelm us, spin us off the ground and into “love” with them. Once they’ve got us they keep talking (a lot) to isolate us from our family and friends, to create an “us and them” existence. (The easier to control us with, my dears.) Then they keep yapping at high velocity, keep in contact via texts, SnapChat and the like – even when they live with us! It’s a mesmerizing game of control. They only care about control – so they can take – and not get caught. That’s as deep as they get. It’s only that. It isn’t personal – it’s just their business.

Bombarding us and about 8 other women or men – all in a days work.
He sent a text that doesn’t make sense…?

They’re so busy multi-texting.
Sometimes they slip up – sending us another target’s text!

No Contact Ends the Game

When we know we want out, a sociopath’s drive to keep us in their grasp intensifies. A sociopath tries to regain our trust when they sense us catching a glimpse behind the veil of lies. Out of vanity, ego and simple need for a link to survival, sociopaths despise losing their targets. And ironically, we as prey, are despised, yes, sociopaths hate us.  All things in the world of a sociopath are dual – double-sided or reverse image realities. Sociopaths view us with contempt rather than the love they profess. Have you noticed how sociopaths avoid direct declarations of love?

We can recover. We are stronger as normal humans than any sociopath.

Their direct attention comes in cycles that re-reel us in from time to time. Periodically they do a routine all-points, bare minimum in maintenance. When they sense we’re seeing through the smoke screen, they pour on the charm, the “love”.  – We, in our good-hearted understanding, and from the effects of their venom, do the work of giving their off-handed glances of attention deep and positive meaning. – Meaning that is truly, truly mistaken on our part: until we really know what sociopaths are.

We credit their scanty efforts: “Oh, he’s been so busy, and he called! And he sent flowers last night! He really does love me!” It can be that simple. – And as simple as it is, it’s more intensely damaging. Even one more millisecond of access to rampage and ransack our lives is a millisecond too many. Understand why we believe the lies of  sociopath – it’s because we’re normal, healthy humans.

Eventually they’re occasional coffee making or putting air in the tires or murmuring without eye contact, ‘You’re special to me,” loses it’s magic; when measured against all the mysterious, odd, inexplicable and just plain sad: there comes the moment for each of us when: we are done.

As the sociopaths deception and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare. The end can be abrupt, shocking, mind-blowing and more surreal than our life with them has been at any point so far. Sociopaths like doors to gravy-trains left open. Sociopaths use break-up threats to keep control of us. Typically, once we say: “I’m leaving.”  or “You have to go.” – The big-bad-monster will not really leave our lives until we establish no contact.

No contact is the sociopaths Achilles heel.

No contact says: Game. Over.
What happens to the sociopath when we go no contact?
They melt like the Wicked Witch of the West when hit with a bucket of water.

No Contact is Up to Us – Sociopaths Hate No Contact

The sociopath will hold on as long as possible – It’s the things, the status, the opportunities we provide that compels them to hang on with just enough contact or attention to keep us in place. – But when they do give in, when the end is so complete that they know the goody-train has come to a full stop – they smear us. Why?!?

Why can’t they just jump off to the next prey and leave us alone? Afterall they’ve got dozens of women in varying states of readiness. Why can’t they just move on?! Because this is all that’s in a sociopath’s head: taking what they want, keeping it and getting away with it.. and taking more.

Sociopaths do not love us.
Sociopaths do not love their children.
Sociopaths only have their lies.

What do sociopath’s fear losing when the jig is up? After the well has truly run dry, they fear losing their physical freedom and their “good reputation”. If there is any way to let them think they are safe – we assure our own safety. If we can play their con and let them believe we agree that they are good, they are the hero, we’re the one who messed “us” up… chances are they go (much more) quietly into the night.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Cry Fake Tears – Then Get Angry, The Anger is Real

It’s when we challenge them that they rear up in intense anger and retaliation to protect their “good reputation”. –  It’s when they think word will get out that they are monsters. – It’s when they fear we’ll go to authorities that they dig in their heels.

When feeling threatened a sociopath will:

Take us to court for child custody.
Attempt declaring us unfit.
Say we beat them up and are abusive.
Report that we threatened to kill them.
Say we tried to commit suicide and are a danger to ourselves and others.
File restraining orders against us.
Make us look as bad a possible when filing – like check “maybe” or “unknown” when answering: “Does this person have a gun?”, implying that we might or we do.
Take us to court to get pets or personal items they left.
Cause us to lose jobs.
Physically threaten us.
Follow us.
Continue to harass us.

All kinds of terrifying and absolutely absurd and tragic exercises at smearing us for this: to preserve their reputation and keep themselves from the clutches of the authorities. Our best defense becomes offense by going no contact.

No contact puts us in control.
No contact puts us in the power position.
No contact sets us free.

The Sociopath’s Manipulation Tactics Ramp Up in the Face of Loosing

They will shame us, guilt us, blame us. It will be in texts, emails, phone calls – it may be messages or notes on our car or on the door. Ignore them. If there are actual words exchanged – meaning verbal – go ahead and apologize, soothe them. Do not ever do this in writing. However, in spoken words, let them think they can go freely. Let them feel at ease in exiting. They don’t want us. They don’t want the kids. They only want reassurance that they are safe.

Once they’re out of our home stop communication. If you didn’t live together say good-bye once, then, when they contact us, in order to be free of them: we must not respond. Freedom from  a sociopath requires: No. Contact. No Contact is mandatory. This means we engage in no texting, no calls, no emails. No visits, no drive-bys, no Facebook searching to see what they’re doing since they left; we just stop. No hacking into his email, no following his Instagram, no reporting from friends of his whereabouts and doings. We. Just. Stop. We block them from all social media. In the case of children consider an attorney, mediator or 3rd party communicating on our behalf. For annulment and some divorces, knowing where he is may have legal necessity – but, only up to a point. We draw that line for ourselves.

There was no relationship.
Therefore there is nothing to talk over.
There is no action to defend. No oversight,
or misdeed to explain, discuss, or find closure for.

Be Sociopath Free

Stand up and protect our lives, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give into defeat. Instead only continue to build treasures of the heart.

For a clear pathway to no contact, to end the desire for “closure” and  remove the personal. Navigating our way through the 4 stages of true love scam recovery, reframe every single moment – “good” and bad – as they slip through our minds. Use his cold heart, his limited arsenal of hatred and tactics-of-ruin against him. Understand what they are. Use his basic needs to get him out of our lives. Let them say what they will about us. Let them comment online. No response from us is the quickest way to their tornado-of-smear fizzling out. This makes the dust settle faster – and at his feet rather than ours. Ole!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

Join the confidential true love scam™ recovery email list.

Gmailers – always check your “promotions” tab that runs along the top of your inbox. Add jennifer (at) truelovescam (at) com to your contacts.
Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.

See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2018 All Rights Reserved. True Love Scam™

Sociopaths Hate Us

Sociopaths hate us – after we take away their toys.
When they first spot us we look like a juicy morsel of things to take.

They feel nothing much about us otherwise – until we see through them.

All sociopaths know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. We’re resilient, mentally flexible, and have nuance emotionally. We have the advantage of being real people who can love and feel, our souls rooted in compassion. A potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life; the stuff human kindness is made of.

The sociopath’s abnormal brain renders them loveless, and without conscience. They know even as they use us we can ruin them with exposure. When they sense we know what they are the constant fear – normally tucked away under the ignorant and criminal boldness born of their abnormal brains, turns to rage that exposes them. – Everything about them is a duality, a contradiction, a cycle of endless ruin.

In the end, sociopaths are their own undoing.

When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing – and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them. ~ Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD. Psychology

Without human connection, a conscience or moral compass sociopaths are extremely mentally limited. Sociopaths are reactionary, defensive and grasping for what they perceive as power and influence – ranging from the billionare realm to the homeless – power is relative, scope of influence varies, but the sociopath always and only brings harm. Whatever cool-factor, status or life story the weave for us is fake. They are nothing without hijacking other people’s lives whether on a grand scale involving millions or at a low economic level for basic needs: housing, food, the internet, clothes, a phone – and all else in between. They crave a good reputation and to look like the good guy. This is the basis for all they aim to do: take, use, get away with it.

Their weakness is a constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds makes them predictable. They need to appear nice and upstanding to combat their fear of being caught, yet in the heat of discovery unplanned, improvised things they say and do bring them down. Their predictability, mental limitations and ranting leaves gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters.

If you’ve never seen the real personality of a sociopath,
the one they keep tucked away most of the time, count your lucky stars.

Ten months after marrying the man of my dreams the winding, hair-pin turn, dead-drop roller coaster ride of disengaging my life from his ruination jerked into motion. I felt every grueling, gut-punch, every head snap. Fear never left me. Grief slept and woke with me each morning. Grief and loss are part of the PTSD after a sociopath. My grief wasn’t over lost love, but loss of something I had thought was real.

There are moments when no matter the
position of the body the soul is on its knees. ~ 
Victor Hugo

Any care or concern for him vanished in one heart beat. Seeing the truth behind his pretty face I held no illusions or mistaken feelings that even a tiny breath of my life with him had been real. There had been no mutual moment of anything. He did his best to make me believe a deep vein of true love ran between us even during the ten days it took him to move out.

Those hideous moments flipped on a dime to his blatant contempt for me. As harsh as the hatred for me was – it was the truth. His fake sugar-candy sweetness, softness and humility no longer soothed me; his false kindness was evil in disguise, and held more danger than his open plots and insults.

We can find value in the hell.
Scrape this burning trip through pain for all the wisdom we can.
Promise yourself you’ll win rather than be pulled under or scarred.

Sociopaths hate us for being what we are – human – and paradoxically hijack our humanity for their survival.

Our brain has a center that lights up like a Christmas tree when we, feel love or concern. Sociopaths’ brains do not register these feelings. They ain’t got no Christmas tree. We genuinely light up in love, joy, kindness as well as sorrow and grief. They think our emotions are ridiculous, a waste of time. Useless. They use our emotions to get what they need – so they falsely think they are in charge.

Sociopaths mimic our emotions as best they can – which is truly not very well or we wouldn’t be reading these pages. They steal the contents of our hearts and our wallets, they borrow and hijack our lives and remain bereft of compassion and love as a desert is of water. When it comes down to it – their only power is that we didn’t know what they were.

Sociopaths need us to hold up their house-of-cards lives.

Sociopaths want to look like the good and respectable “victim,” take our money and anything else they can, have a kid here or there, feel like they are King or Queen… and move on before being caught. Or before their boredom overwhelms them. Sociopaths are “antisocial psychopaths” or are sometimes now referred to as having an “antisocial personality disorder,” not a fixable disorder. A sociopath wants our lives, our material goods, our social or business contacts, our standing in a community. They borrow us to skate through a section of time.

When we see them behind the mask they know it’s time to go. 

By understanding their primal, reptilian brain we can make that “going” cleaner and easier for ourselves, there are “break-up musts” when it comes to escaping a sociopath.

That said: do not tempt a sociopath’s rage. It’s easy to ignite their erratic defense mechanisms. Do not underestimate the danger a sociopath represents. Without controls of any kind on what they do or say the dark places they might take their vindictive rage is a place we never want to see. Do not argue with them, challenge or threaten them. None of this leads anywhere but to more pain and risk for ourselves. – They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or loosing things they’ve taken. When you see what they are, do this: zip it. Stay silent. Get them out. Or go yourself.

Hold onto what we are as gorgeous, glorious humane humans.

Without emotions we can’t build a life. Without emotions we can’t love our children. Without emotions we can’t care for the real people in our lives: husbands, wives, moms and dads, our kids, or even see the beauty of a sunset. Since we’re full of complex emotional capacity, we can use intense difficulties or suffering to create depth and value.

Use the sociopaths’ weaknesses to leverage them out of our lives and minimize the damage. Find real freedom, heal from the crime it was – there was no relationship. All the incredible innate and natural traits we possess as normal humans that rendered us their prey as also our saving grace.

Stand up! See the sociopath for what he or she is! The way to heal from what really went on is to reframe the entire debacle from the viewpoint of a sociopath’s mind. Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and of how amazing we are.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

Join the confidential true love scam™ recovery email list.

Gmailers – always check your “promotions” tab that runs along the top of your inbox. Add jennifer (at) truelovescam (at) com to your contacts.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.

True Love Scam participates in affiliate advertising programs. Clicks or purchases bring a teeny-tiny commission help operate the site. This is very much appreciated. Every bit is good. Thank you.
See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2018 All Rights Reserved. True Love Scam™

The Sociopath Behind the Mask

Sociopaths are predictable.
They’re über devoted to their fantastical lies.
Even after we uncover them. But now they are M.A.D.

12748457641108090280evil-clown-2-1-1[1]The sociopath behind the mask is a monster. And they love it that way. They love being what they are.

Every sociopath wears a mask of nice, sweet, handsome, awesome-guy or gal until the truth rips it off. All sociopaths are the same, doesn’t matter if they’re male or female, their age or where they’re from.

They have identical and predictable patterns of behavior based in identical characteristics of a sociopath.

The most significant, life saving thing I did after I saw the truth was to tell him lies. 

Sociopaths Enjoy Evoking Fear

Once we see them for who they are – and they know we know – the sociopath drops all pretense. The sociopath behind the mask comes out to play. The monster steps out front and center. There’s nothing like looking into the eyes of infinite, bottomless inhumanity. 

Bye-Bye Prince Charming. – Or Princess Lady-liar.
The Jig is Up. Now we go to Scary-Town.

The sociopath behind the mask is scarier than scary to us, their prey. Other people usually won’t understand how or why we’re so frightened of such an obvious and  ridiculous liar unless they’ve been through a hijacking. People close to us will wonder why we’re terrified of such a coward. – We’re seeing the sociopath behind the mask – we are panicked to the bone.

Bizarre moment number 2,534 and SNAP.
The moment we know the truth.
Keeping their mask in place can save us.

There’s No One Good Inside Them

When we see the sociopath behind the mask they change completely from the nice man we fell in love with. The sociopath behind the mask is cold as ice. This. Is. Who. They. Really. Are. We may not understand what a sociopath is in technical terms –  but every fiber of our being can sense it, we think, She’s insane!  It’s not unreasonable to realize, He could kill me!

Sociopaths aren’t habitually or predominately killers – that’s on the other end of the antisocial psychopath slider ranging from sociopath to psychopath. Sociopaths can and will become fatally violent if they feel threatened. Their violence is unplanned and explodes in sudden rage when they feel trapped or the things they have scammed so hard for are taken from them. Please, don’t test a sociopath’s ability to kill. When they know we know the truth it’s time to be super careful.

We can out wit a sociopath.
They’re easy to play and we can make our get away.
Or get them to leave.

Keep Our Cool in the Face of the Sociopath

Keep calm to observe the sociopath behind the mask as they rage like a whirling dervish. Angry and scared their scam is blowing up in their face, these charming and good-looking men and women instantly become physically ugly. Their bodies shape shift. Sounds impossible, but if you know this experience, there’s nothing like it. – Suddenly they’re so ugly and their voices so harsh and abrasive – and they sound so dumb – we’re fascinated and repulsed. Their real aspect is especially clear when caught in photos of them. We wonder how we ever saw a better version of this creature.

The sociopath behind the mask is dangerous.
Until we fully realize what they are – and begin to reframe the nightmare.

It’s okay to lie to protect ourselves; feign the same devotion we showed them before we saw through the cracks – this is for our safety. everything from this moment on is about protecting ourselves.

Sociopaths don’t like to discuss their misbehavior.

What I did: I took the credit cards from his wallet while he was showering. I told him in an off-handed, casual, yet unmistakably apologetic way the accounts had been shut down by the card company for going over the limit. To protect myself I played the bimbo. I agreed the credit card people were stupid – his word for them. I played sweet and naive. I supported his “feelings.” This gave him the impression I was still under his spell – leaving me safe from his rage.

This doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified. I was. 

Become Emotionless – Show no Fear

The most important thing to do when the sociopath behind the mask comes out is to protect ourselves. Confronting or questioning or accusing them is playing with fire. This is not the time for a heart-to-heart. This is because none of the emotions we feel, none of what we think of as betrayal, none of the good times we had, not even the sex – none of it means anything we thought it did. They felt nothing but glee at taking, getting, using, stealing. They were not in a relationship. A relationship did not exist.

They were in a game to gain what they wanted: a good reputation, a livelihood, a place to live, a car to drive. We were merely a resource. However, sociopaths do get angry when their game is playing out or being taken away. Anger and desire or want are the only emotions sociopaths feel with any particular depth aside from fear – they deeply fear being caught. Their innate dependence on us for survival, their desperation due to their limited brains make for a dangerous combo and yet we control them when we understand how a sociopath thinks.

D.I.Y. Guide to a Sociopaths Psyche

Lock Down the Candy Store

Our own safety is the only point of focus when the sociopath behind the mask is glimpsed. There are standard things to take care of, number one being whatever it takes to remain safe. This is the time to stop talking with the sociopath – even while we may still be under the same roof. Act normal, but behind the scenes get our ducks in a row to have him out or to move out ourselves. If we don’t live together things are easier.

Block all contact with him. It is paramount to no longer speak, text, email, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, WhatsApp, Viber, KIK, Snapchat or any other chat with the sociopath behind the mask. He knows we know. He knows he’s a monster. He has been expecting an end to this game. He has done this before. He has other targets already in play. He’ll be “fine.”

We must focus on protecting ourselves.
We put an end to the true love scam.

The Person We Thought The Sociopath Was Doesn’t Exist

It’s hard to believe that none of it is real. But understanding this is how we survive and thrive. It is essential once he is gone to reframe the nightmare with a sociopath, to understand what we call emotional abuse  they carry out as part of their normal functioning, and to make our way through the post-traumatic stress that takes our breath away and remove him  or her from our presence. – Break away. Be fearless and free.

To hear more than can be absorbed in one sitting view this National Geographic video on the anti-social psychopath or sociopath. See it here. This is not to be missed.

They made all the crazy. See what it all really was by looking at it from their minds… not from our emotions and forgiving goodness. – Heal the grief. Mourn the loss of something we thought was real, but isn’t. – Otherwise we never recover.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

Join the confidential true love scam™ recovery email list.

Gmailers – always check your “promotions” tab that runs along the top of your inbox. Add jennifer (at) truelovescam (dot) com to your contacts.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.
True Love Scam on Tumblr.

See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
true love scam participates in affiliate advertising. Any clicks or purchases made via links on the website bring a teeny-tiny commission towards running the website. Thank you so much!
© 2018 All Rights Reserved. True Love Scam™