Category Archives: ITS OVER

Get rid of the trash.

The Monster Sociopath is Gone – Now What?

So the party’s over. The game is up.
They moved out. We’re divorced.
Will he come back? Why isn’t he calling the kids?
…Are we safe now?

First and foremost: ConGRaTuLaTioNS on breaking away!!!! We escaped the lies, the deception. Maybe violence. Economic abuse. Theft. Defrauding. We stood up for ourselves and demanded that our value be recognized in court, with police, with family and friends; with the monster himself. The beast knows we know and he knows it’s over.

We found out how amazing,
strong, capable and powerful we’ve always been.
Now we can apply it to our own lives!

It is over. At least it is on paper. The thing is though… even 2 months after they’re gone, 3 months, maybe longer we can still have really intense fear of him. Where is he? Why isn’t he Hoovering? When will he Hoover? Is he following me? Is he going to go after the kids? – Our friends say: get over it. Our family say: he’s a goof-ball, he won’t do anything.

The thing is, this is usually one point they’re pretty right about: there is nothing to fear. It will take time to relax and feel safe, but – seriously – when the sociopath’s world of lies has been blown apart they disappear. If there’s any possibility they’ll lose their freedom or be besmirched in the eyes of those adoring fans they always think are watching them – they take off – usually without announcing their departure and often in the middle of the night. If there are any legitimate legal things he could be pinned with – or even imagined impending jail time on his part – he’s far down the road by now.

The same goes for a female sociopath. They need to move on.
They need to keep their livelihood going. – A reason they keep many targets at a time and manage long distance relationships that are scams as well. They have no patience for jail time – or wrung-out-dried-up prey. – Remember – that’s what we were to them. Surprise, surprise that con man had no idea who he was messing with!

Was there violence? – If the sociopath who hijacked us is violent – whether male or female, be sure to secure our safety above all else. Sociopaths coming out of jail for domestic abuse can be beyond aggressive when they’re released. Sociopaths cannot be reasoned with. – They’re said to have no fear of – and do not change from punishment, rehab or therapy. Be safe.

Bye-bye Liar-Pants-Scum-Bag Sociopath!

The only things sociopaths care about:

1) Getting what they want.
2) Keeping what they’ve taken.
3) Not being exposed for what they really are.

This involves doing anything they feel like doing to get the things they want from where ever or whomever they can take these things, and maintaining (in their own mind) the perception that people think well of them. That’s why they’re called con men. Con artists. Grifters.

Sociopaths do not love their children. They love no one. They may stay in touch with their kids – or try to – if there’s some benefit to them in maintaining the connection. Otherwise – not.

75394_1680681265769_1681818_nFor example: If they have children they may pretend they care about the kids, as in: I’m a great dad! – This gives them that front-of-respectability they’re constantly seeking. They may sporadically use the kids’ images on their Facebook page – and yet never contact them. Not even know them. They may claim the children to look good in a divorce – or for new prey.

Otherwise he does not care – If he thinks he could get something from them – either via them to get back in good with us – or directly from them, he would be in touch. Female conning sociopaths can be somewhat more tenacious about keeping the kids – if the kids can serve as meal ticket to alimony and child support. – Female sociopaths do not love their children.

Celebrate their departure!!
Sociopaths destroy their children.
No child needs a sociopath parent.

If there are court ordered child visits: Keep records of his – or her – emails, calls and contact with the kids – or lack of contact. Having no calls in the call log, no visits on the books could be useful in court at some later date if we still have any need to prove his or her lack of concern for the kids.

Keep emails about custody and visits. These have time and date stamps as well as traceable origins: technology tells where he’s typing that email from – which computer – which city. These can be useful in court or in calling their bluff.

Other than official matters regarding the children, stay no contact. Sociopaths are never going to get better. They’re never going to care

Sociopaths have to move on because innocent human beings are their livelihood. They can’t linger with prey that is useless to them. Con men and female sociopaths need new tender targets who are giving them material items: money, shelter, status, clean clothes, a toothbrush, connections, a shower or a “cover” in order to appear as fascinating, upstanding citizens. Remember they never do anything that isn’t manipulation for their benefit. – Not around this joint anymore!!! We are freeeeee!

Breathe. Rest easy.
Sending you freedom and joy.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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A Sociopath, a Narcissist and their Children

What’s the difference between a Narcissist and a Sociopath towards their kids?
Love from a Narcissist hurts. A Sociopath uses children as a tool.
Narcissists and Sociopaths are two different animals. 

This difference matters so, so much when it comes to the kids. Though the word “Narcissist” is very, often used as a label attached to a description of the mind and behavior of what’s really a Sociopath – they are 2 different things.

All Sociopaths are narcissistic – but a Sociopath and a Narcissist are 2 different types of beasts. Sociopaths are Monsters. Narcissists are mean.

This difference can matter significantly in terms of the kids.

A Sociopath loves no one. Period.
A Narcissist just might love their kids.
But man, oh man does it hurt!!

Sociopaths are obsessively concerned with what they think of as their “good reputation.” In their minds all eyes are on them, and they think they have a “following” – adoring fans – who judge the Sociopath on his great goodness and benevolence (hilarious!) and plain old fashioned “coolness.”

They do anything to make sure their “good name” isn’t besmirched. 

All sociopaths feel this way. They’re all alike and identical in their tactics. You can see this on their Facebook pages and social media. Even their children are used as props to look like respectable people.

To a sociopath, their kids are just another target.

Facebook is where they’ll plaster photos of their children.
The one’s they abandoned and have no contact with.
Little things; babies, 5-year-olds who grow up, thankfully, without them.

They do have people who are impressed with them and fooled into admiring them for short periods of time – including their children in some cases! This adoration can go on if they live in different locations and only see the flaming, fabulous, lying Facebook posts and believe them at face value. Eventually these people discover there’s no real substance, or see him or her for what they are – or someone warns them away – whatever it is, over time all those “fans” rotate and new ones overlap and fill up the space of the former ones – again and again and on and on. Until. We see through them.

Sociopaths have children only in an effort to look respectable. Male Sociopaths abandon their kids fairly easily. Many kids. A trail of kids from many women. Female Sociopaths have kids in marriage – so they can use them as an alimony and child support and meal ticket. That’s it. Nothing else there. Sociopaths pretend to love their children – and even fool professional mental heath specialists and psychologists, and are perceived perhaps as Narcissists by them, but frequently not for the monsters they truly are – imagine how deeply they trick their children.

Narcissists and Sociopaths are not the same.

Narcissists have the capacity to love. They do love their kids. Their love hurts like h-e-double-toothpicks, but to a child – it’s love – painful love, but – hey, It’s our mom or dad. In cases of divorce Narcissists will and do hang around. Narcissist parents can never meet the emotional needs of their children – or spouses; they’re focused on their own off-center needs – however, unlike the Sociopath, Narcissists aren’t living a false world of lies about who they are and what they do in order to steal and defraud.

Narcissists have egos the size of elephants. They badger, and guilt-trip and criticize most especially their families. They’re not pathological liars as Sociopaths are. Narcissists don’t live off of other people taking everything from others for their own living. They’re mean, nasty, insulting, cut to the quick with their accurate arrows of hurtful words, then they surprise us by being loving. Here’s a link to Psychology Today’s description of a Narcissist mom. Narcissist parents see their children as an extension of themselves and so can place expectations and control over their children – wanting them to be “perfect.”

When it’s our dad, or our mom – yah, we love them.
We snuggle back in then get punched again and again with hurtfulness.
This can go on forever. Unless we step away.

Where Sociopaths eventually – usually very early – abandon their children, Narcissists hang on and on, inflicting their mean and hot and critical nature on especially those children they love. A Narcissist can – in theory – change, but they don’t. -They don’t see themselves as mean. They really think they’re great.

Narcissists aren’t have the abnormal brain of a Sociopath – so they do in fact, have some feelings of like and love – unfortunately they like and love themselves more than anyone else. They want to be catered to, to be the only one whose opinion matters and so hurl criticism to uplift themselves and lower us to beneath their feet, where their kids often remain for a lifetime unable to get out from under the parental grip of scanty affection peppered with plenty of pain and hurt. – Who needs ’em.

Not a great way to grow up. Not so nice. Not so necessary.
Escaping a Sociopath and getting out from under the Narcissist are all possible.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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How to End It with a Sociopath

How to Get Rid of a Sociopath

We see through the façade.
We know enough to know something’s very, very wrong.

It’s time to take the trash out. Clean up the mess. 

869712ad8b9b168551b4d4b593c1d6dbSociopaths have interest in us for one reason and one reason only: to get things they want and need. They don’t care how we feel, what we think, or what we want – unless it interferes with them getting what they want.

They do monitor our willingness to give and they do behave towards us in ways that illicit continued “giving” and “doing” for them. And that’s about it. There isn’t more than this going on here.

They let us think we’re in a relationship. Tell us we’re “soul mates”. Make love to us. Make promises. Claim religion. Tell us a sob story from their past. Give us gifts. Make chaos. Lie to us. Send us lots of texts. Get mad if we don’t answer. Take us to dinner. Lie more. Yell at us. Talk a lot. Put us down. Buy groceries. Ignore us sexually. Scare us. Give us money. Ignore us completely. Sleep a lot. Sleep with other women (or men.)

That’s all they are. That’s all they have to “offer”.
They keep us hooked in a number of ways. Some pleasant. Some painful.
All malarkey.

They spend our money. Want sexual things we don’t. Include us. Exclude us. Entrust us. Suspect us. Play sick. Stay out late. Keep us from our family or friends. Don’t work. Are gone a lot. Pretend to work very hard. Don’t answer our texts. Don’t pick up our calls. Block us from their Facebook. Keep us from our faith. Cry – fake tears. Lie even more. And more. Then lie some more. – We used to believe them. No more. Nope. We’ve had it. Pick up the trash and dump it.

Sociopaths Know Every Scam Relationship will End

First, if we’re not convinced read here, in the words of a sociopath how get rid of them:

“The best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to “poison the well” so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being useless or contrary, without being openly defiant… Pretend you’re tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don’t fight back. Say “I don’t know what’s come over me.” Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. After about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of her basic needs.”

There’s a lot of information here. It works.

How to Leave a Narcissistic Sociopath

Here are guidelines to end it with a sociopath safely and as quickly as can be and with the least fallout. There will be fallout. We will be frightened. It will feel like eons before they go. After they go we’ll go through post-traumatic stress. Doing nothing would be much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. We can protect ourselves. We can take immediate action. We can end this.

First things first:

  1. Keep our feelings to ourselves.
  2. Do NOT tell them we want out.
  3. Don’t confront or question them.
  4. Continue being agreeable or generally behaving as we have been.
  5. Make our minds a blank when we’re with them. Empty. No thoughts, no feelings. Blank.

Sociopaths are all alike. Identical tactics and limited thinking.
We use their weaknesses to get them gone.

The Next Thing We Do is Lie

Keep our plan to ourselves. Protect ourselves and our belongings immediately – secretly. Don’t hesitate. Do this now. Why…? – Because sociopaths steal and destroy at the end. They’re thieves. And liars. They like to take things like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant – just to say: I was here. They want last-minute funding, a car, a credit card –  and to leave us holding the bag.

They steal or sell identities. Do they aaaaall steal? Every time? If they feel like it – yes. They have no conscience. No guilt. No love.  They’re criminals. And they’re mean. Better to protect ourselves than be tragically sorry.

Sociopaths Steal

Remove all of the following to a safe location – a friend’s house, our work place, or a safe deposit box. Use this check list:

  1. Anything we care about for its sentimental or monetary value. The first item’s that come to mind are the ones. If he knows you treasure them, protect them. They go through our things – our drawers, closets, cupboards, dressers – that secret p!ace – they’ll sniff it out, to find things to take.
  2. Valuable jewelry in gold, silver, precious stones, watches, etc. Things they can pawn or sell.
  3. Cameras, laptops, audio gear, guns, anything easy to lift and take away.
  4. Photographs of the two of you. Including evidence of his abuse, your marriage, and anything compromising.
  5. Documents. All of them. Anything legal. Copy his. Make copies of ours and the kid’s. Then, along with the originals secure them safely out of the house.
  • Passports.
  • Social Security cards and numbers.
  • Birth Certificates.
  • Marriage Certificates.
  • Mortgage papers.
  • Car registrations.
  • Auto insurance.
  • Credit card information and statements and all numbers.
  • Bank account information.
  • Stocks, bonds, CD’s, all banking, investment or monetary records.
  • Immigration papers.
  • Change all our passwords, PINS and logins.
  • Have extra house or apartment keys made. Give them to a trusted friend to hold.
  • Write down numbers or better yet photo copies or take pictures of:
    • The sociopath’s Passport, ID’s, driver’s licenses, credit cards.
    • Bank or credit card statements.
    • Social Security number.
    • Receipts or pics or copies of wire money transfers from or to him or her.
    • If he has a car write down his license plate number, car make and model, take photos of it, take down the VIN number.
    • Keep photos of his face to ID him in case law enforcement, FBI, DEA or immigration become involved.

Community Property in Marriage

If we’re married to them, in 8 states within the United States, all of our belongings – belong to them. They can take them and do anything with them if we’re married. Really. They call it community property. — This works both ways, what’s theirs is ours.

There’s another thing called common property. Look up your state. If he or she steals while you’re married chances are nothing is a Police matter or considered a crime. – Take care of ourselves. — Take your property. Whether married or not, transfer your personal savings and checking to another account – maybe a new account in a new bank or whatever feels most secure. Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.

Sociopaths know all scams end – no matter how good they are. 

Be Safe When Leaving a Sociopath

Here’s what I did: Hands shaking I took his credit cards out of his wallet. – MY credit accounts that I’d made him an “authorized user” on – while he was in the shower. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Then – I lied. I said: The credit cards (3) had been cancelled by the card companies for going over the limit. – He had taken them over the limit – but I made no accusation, I gave no detail, no other explanation – I said it apologetically, but with conviction. I said I did it to protect him – I said if he used them in public they’d be confiscated by the retailer and, “I wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed like that.”

Then a few days later I lied again. I said I’d lost my wallet so the checking account debit card had been cancelled. I stopped putting my pay check in our joint bank account – then I closed it. – Guess what? He knew how to reopen it. – I had to have the bank keep an eye out for 24-hours to make sure it stayed closed.

I watched him stay in the game no matter what lie I told.
The surreal mounts, but now we’re in control.
Ride it out. The way will open.

Here’s the thing: sociopaths make all kinds of preposterous claims as they lie their way through life. – Amazingly I found I could say anything and he played along as if it were true, though I was sure he knew it wasn’t.

I’d stumbled on sociopath-magic-rules-of-engagement: any lie is true. It was almost a high to fly so near the fringes and outsmart this being I now called in my head: The Monster. It was pure improvisation – life saving improvisation on my part. It was normal live-by-the-seat-of-his-pants-all-is-a-lie for him.

Underneath it we both knew our dynamics were shifting like silent, colliding tectonic plates of the Earth bringing inescapable unpredictable and life a threatening upheaval that I determined – no matter what – would settle as forced departure for him – and freedom for me.

Protect Ourselves When a Sociopath Leaves

Passwords and PINS and logins. Change them. All. If we can – block him or her on social media. As in: use the “block” function on FB, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, and all the rest. They won’t be notified, but they’ll also no longer see any of our Facebook, or other social media activity. – We also will not be able to see theirs. It’s called going no contact.

Become useless. Cut off goods and services.
If we have children – alter these as we can to care for them – and deprive him.

Stop Providing the Things a Sociopath Needs

Become absolutely useless to them. If we usually make dinner. Stop. If we normally take out the garbage and make the bed. Don’t. Forget his dry cleaning. Stop doing his laundry or leave it lumpy and half damp in the laundry basket. Passively, quietly, humbly, meekly, say, “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry, hon.” And. Nothing. Else. Period. You just gave a lifesaving Academy Award Winning performance. Keep it up.

Forget his favorite food. Sleep late, Stop cleaning. Disappear after work without calling him. Leave the car without gas. Forget to pay the internet bill – tell him it’s being shut off. Tell him your savings account is empty. Don’t talk at home. Keep to yourself. Sleep. Go in your room. Leave unexpectedly. Talk to your sister even though they hate it when we do.

Go back to church or meditation, working out, making art, or whatever faith or strength giving endeavor they tried to stop us from practicing. When they talk look away, bored. Walk out of the room. Have something better to do in the times we used to spend with them. Have no cash to hand out. Pay no more of his or her bills. Just say: “Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon.” And. Nothing. Else. You just won a Tony Award. You just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” – No – this does not make you a sociopath.

The sociopath will be baffled, taken aback, pissed. And leave within weeks.

Consider carrying a change of clothes and over night things or having spares at work. Just a precaution. – Again this is without their knowledge. – If the sociopath invading your life is already violent with you – all the more so take this precaution. Make extra house keys. Give some to a really trusted good friend who had no connection to the sociopath. If you’re leaving the clutches of an actively violent sociopath please check with professional advisers on domestic violence.

They know what they do. They are born this way.
Dr. Robert Hare has research, proof, documented information that helps us.

View his video here.

Keep loving. Keep living like a real human. We are awesome.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

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Sociopaths & No Contact

No contact is a sociopath’s enemy.
No contact ends the sociopath’s game.
No contact removes us from harms way as prey of a sociopath.


Freedom from a life-stealing sociopath depends on establishing and keeping no contact.

No contact is not a mutual agreement.
No contact comes from us.

Sociopaths depend on keeping contact to keep control. The success of their mind-bending control over us, gaining their agenda and their survival is only possible with contact. – The more consistent and deep the contact, the more harm we’re in for.

Love bombing is contact that reels us in.

They bombard us, overwhelm us, spin us off the ground and into “love” with them. Once they’ve got us they keep talking (a lot) to isolate us from our family and friends, to create an “us and them” existence. (The easier to control us with, my dears.) Then they keep yapping at high velocity, keep in contact via texts, SnapChat and the like – even when they live with us! It’s a mesmerizing game of control. They only care about control – so they can take – and not get caught. That’s as deep as they get. It’s only that. It isn’t personal – it’s just their business.

Bombarding us and about 8 other women or men – all in a days work.
He sent a text that doesn’t make sense…?
They’re so busy multi-texting.
Sometimes they slip up – sending us another target’s text!

No Contact Ends the Game

When we know we want out, a sociopath’s drive to keep us in their grasp intensifies. A sociopath tries to regain our trust when they sense us catching a glimpse behind the veil of lies. Out of vanity, ego and simple need for a link to survival, sociopaths despise losing their victims. And ironically, we as victims, are despised, yes, sociopaths hate us.  All things in the world of a sociopath are dual – double-sided or reverse image realities. Sociopaths view us with contempt rather than the love they profess. Have you noticed how sociopaths avoid direct declarations of love?

We can recover. We are stronger as normal humans than any sociopath.

Their direct attention comes in cycles that re-reel us in from time to time. Periodically they do a routine all-points, bare minimum in maintenance. When they sense we’re seeing through the smoke screen, they pour on the charm, the “love”.  – We, in our good-hearted understanding, and from the effects of their venom, do the work of giving their off-handed glances of attention deep and positive meaning. – Meaning that is truly, truly mistaken on our part: until we really know what sociopaths are.

We credit their scanty efforts: “Oh, he’s been so busy, and he called! And he sent flowers last night! He really does love me!” It can be that simple. – And as simple as it is, it’s more intensely damaging. Even one more millisecond of access to rampage and ransack our lives is a millisecond too many. Understand why we believe the lies of  sociopath – it’s because we’re normal, healthy humans.

Eventually they’re occasional coffee making or putting air in the tires or murmuring without eye contact, ‘You’re special to me,” loses it’s magic; when measured against all the mysterious, odd, inexplicable and just plain sad: there comes the moment for each of us when: we are done.

As the sociopaths deception and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare. The end can be abrupt, shocking, mind-blowing and more surreal than our life with them has been at any point so far. Sociopaths like doors to gravy-trains left open. Sociopaths use break-up threats to keep control of us. Typically, once we say: “I’m leaving.”  or “You have to go.” – The big-bad-monster will not really leave our lives until we establish no contact.

No contact is the sociopaths Achilles heel.

No contact says: Game. Over.
What happens to the sociopath when we go no contact?
They melt like the Wicked Witch of the West when hit with a bucket of water.

No Contact is Up to Us – Sociopaths Hate No Contact

The sociopath will hold on as long as possible – It’s the things, the status, the opportunities we provide that compels them to hang on with just enough contact or attention to keep us in place. – But when they do give in, when the end is so complete that they know the goody-train has come to a full stop – they smear us. Why?!?

Why can’t they just jump off to the next prey and leave us alone? Afterall they’ve got dozens of women in varying states of readiness. Why can’t they just move on?! Because this is all that’s in a sociopath’s head: taking what they want, keeping it and getting away with it.. and taking more.

Sociopaths do not love us.
Sociopaths do not love their children.
Sociopaths only have their lies.

What do sociopath’s fear losing when the jig is up? After the well has truly run dry, they fear losing their physical freedom and their “good reputation”. If there is any way to let them think they are safe – we assure our own safety. If we can play their con and let them believe we agree that they are good, they are the hero, we’re the one who messed “us” up… chances are they go (much more) quietly into the night.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Cry Fake Tears – Then Get Angry, The Anger is Real

It’s when we challenge them that they rear up in intense anger and retaliation to protect their “good reputation”. –  It’s when they think word will get out that they are monsters. – It’s when they fear we’ll go to authorities that they dig in their heels.

When feeling threatened a sociopath will:

Take us to court for child custody.
Attempt declaring us unfit.
Say we beat them up and are abusive.
Report that we threatened to kill them.
Say we tried to commit suicide and are a danger to ourselves and others.
File restraining orders against us.
Make us look as bad a possible when filing – like check “maybe” or “unknown” when answering: “Does this person have a gun?”, implying that we might or we do.
Take us to court to get pets or personal items they left.
Cause us to lose jobs.
Physically threaten us.
Follow us.
Continue to harass us.

All kinds of terrifying and absolutely absurd and tragic exercises at smearing us for this: to preserve their reputation and keep themselves from the clutches of the authorities. Our best defense becomes offense by going no contact.

No contact puts us in control.
No contact puts us in the power position.
No contact sets us free.

The Sociopath’s Manipulation Tactics Ramp Up in the Face of Loosing

They will shame us, guilt us, blame us. It will be in texts, emails, phone calls – it may be messages or notes on our car or on the door. Ignore them. If there are actual words exchanged – meaning verbal – go ahead and apologize, soothe them. Do not ever do this in writing. However, in spoken words, let them think they can go freely. Let them feel at ease in exiting. They don’t want us. They don’t want the kids. They only want reassurance that they are safe.

Once they’re out of our home stop communication. If you didn’t live together say good-bye once, then, when they contact us, in order to be free of them: we must not respond. Freedom from  a sociopath requires: No. Contact. No Contact is mandatory. This means we engage in no texting, no calls, no emails. No visits, no drive-bys, no Facebook searching to see what they’re doing since they left; we just stop. No hacking into his email, no following his Instagram, no reporting from friends of his whereabouts and doings. We. Just. Stop. We block them from all social media. In the case of children consider an attorney, mediator or 3rd party communicating on our behalf. For annulment and some divorces, knowing where he is may have legal necessity – but, only up to a point. We draw that line for ourselves.

There was no relationship.
Therefore there is nothing to talk over.
There is no action to defend. No oversight,
or misdeed to explain, discuss, or find closure for.

Be Sociopath Free

Stand up and protect our lives, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give into defeat. Instead only continue to build treasures of the heart.

For a clear pathway to no contact, to end the desire for “closure” and  remove the personal. Navigating our way through the 4 stages of true love scam recovery, reframe every single moment – “good” and bad – as they slip through our minds. Use his cold heart, his limited arsenal of hatred and tactics-of-ruin against him. Understand what they are. Use his basic needs to get him out of our lives. Let them say what they will about us. Let them comment online. No response from us is the quickest way to their tornado-of-smear fizzling out. This makes the dust settle faster – and at his feet rather than ours. Ole!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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Sociopaths Hate Us – When We See What They Are

Sociopaths hate us – after we take away their toys.
When they first spot us we look like a juicy morsel of things to take.

They feel nothing much about us otherwise – until we see through them.

11906840097Y88qv[1]All sociopaths know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. We have the advantage of being real people who can love and feel. We are flexible, reasonable. We have wisdom mingled in compassion. A potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life; the stuff human kindness is made of. Sociopaths hate us – they are loveless, and without conscience. – They also know while they use us – we can ruin them by exposure. This evokes rage.

When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing – and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them. ~ Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD. Psychology

Sociopaths are limited. Sociopaths are reactionary, defensive, and grasping for what they perceive as power in money, and position. What ever ‘status’ they seem to hold is always fake. They have nothing without hijacking other people’s lives. This can be on a grand scale involving millions of dollars, or at a low economic level for basic needs: housing, food, internet, clothes, a phone – and all else in between. They crave a good reputation. Sometimes in the heat of being discovered, or in fear of losing a gain, they’ll take unplanned, improvised actions that may even cause themselves harm directly or indirectly in over-the-top criminality. Their weakness is a constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds makes them predictable. This leaves gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters.

There are moments when no matter the
position of the body the soul is on its knees. ~ 
Victor Hugo

Ten months after marrying the man of my dreams the winding, hair-pin turn, dead-drop roller coaster ride started of disengaging my life from his ruination. I felt every grueling, gut-punch. Fear never left me. Grief slept and woke with me each morning. Grief and loss are part of the PTSD after a sociopath. In my case grief was not over lost love.

My love for him broke utterly in the three days I discovered what he was. I was fortunate to have such clarity. I held no illusions or mistaken feelings that even a tiny breath of time with him had been real. He did his best to make me believe a deep vein of true love ran between us even during the ten days it took him to move out.

Those hideous moments flipped on a dime to his blatant contempt for me. As harsh as the hatred for me was – it was the truth. His fake sugar-candy sweetness, softness and humility no longer soothed me: his false kindness was evil in disguise, and potentially more dangerous than his open plots and insults.

Even grief and loss serve us well.
As human beings we can find value in those emotions.

Sociopaths hate us for being what we are – human – and paradoxically hijack our humanity because they have none. They need us for their survival – as in if we don’t believe them – if no one believed them – would they exist…?

Our brain has a center that lights up like a Christmas tree when we, feel love or concern. Sociopaths brains do not register these feelings. They ain’t got no Christmas tree. We genuinely light up in love, joy, kindness as well as sorrow and grief. They think our emotions are ridiculous, a waste of time. Useless. They use our emotions to get what they need – so they falsely think they are in charge.

Without emotions we can’t build a life. Without emotions we can’t love our children. Without emotions we can’t care for our (real) husbands, our wives, our moms and dads or even our pets. Since we are full of complex and full emotional capacity, we can use even the grief of a lost child or intense difficulties to create depth and value. – Sociopaths mimic our emotions. They steal the contents of our hearts…  and our wallets, but still sociopaths hate us; and as they borrow and steal our lives, they remain bereft of compassion and love as a desert is of water. When it comes down to it – all they can have is cold power. Power – for the sociopaths who hate us – comes in the form of money, loveless routine sex and control. It’s so monotonous, they’re often bored enough to chew their own hands off.

Sociopaths want to look good, take our money, have a kid here or there, feel like they are King or Queen… and move on before being caught. Or before their boredom overwhelms them. Sociopaths are “antisocial psychopaths” or are sometimes now referred to as having an “anti-social personality disorder”. (Not a fixable disorder.) A sociopath wants our lives, our money, our material goods, our social or business contacts. Then they want to split. They don’t want to kill us. They don’t want to go to jail. They just borrow us to skate through a section of time. – When we see them behind the mask they know it is time to go. By understanding their primal, reptilian brain we can make that “going” cleaner and easier for ourselves, there are “break-up musts” when it comes to escaping a sociopath.

That said: Do not tempt a sociopath’s rage. It’s easy to ignite their erratic defense mechanisms. Do not underestimate the danger a sociopath represents.  Do not argue with them, challenge or threaten them. None of this leads anywhere but to more pain and risk for ourselves. – They don’t care what we think – except when it places them in a position of being exposed or loosing goods. When you see what they are, do this: zip it. Stay silent. Get them out. Or go yourself.

Stand up! See the sociopath for what he or she is! Reframe the entire debacle from the view-point of a sociopath’s mind. Use their weaknesses to leverage them out of our lives and minimize the damage.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

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., founded November 2014, content and it’s linked social media or other online articles, emails, information or advice through any medium is not intended to replace services or advice from professional therapists, psychologists, medical practitioners, legal authorities, U.S. immigration authorities or licensed attorneys of any specialty. See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

Loving a Sociopath

Good Women Love Sociopaths – Good Men Too

Falling in love with a sociopath is like tumbling down a rabbit hole.
No end in sight. Spinning through a surreal world of horror and confusion.
Disguised as Happy Land.
Why us? What makes us such a tempting, delectable dish to a sociopath?

Sociopaths target amazing people. They’re parasites. They need a strong host with kindness, faith in humanity, loyalty. They seek and ensnare commitment minded men and women who bring a lot to the table.

A sociopath needs us to prop up and propel their fake and sickening, weak lives forward. They need good people who will stand by them and defend them when their past hits the fan – as it always, always does.

Loving a sociopath is loving a monster – a remorseless maniac.

When we entangle out hearts, our minds, our souls with a sociopath and come out the other side we’re warriors of life who deserve gold medals, accolades, ticker tape parades in our honor, marching bands and choirs of angels. – We’re the best of the best. The cream of the crop. And now we know so much more about life – not another monster can exist in our presence.

How Do Sociopaths Chose their Prey?

We’re our own Heroes. We’re our own Angels.

Loving a sociopath is a crash and burn and rise again course in human nature and the nature of evil. After recovery life can be a bowl of cherries, the sky is blue and everything is a walk in the park like never before.

Loving a sociopath means we’ve been scouted by a ruthless being-of-deception-and-cruelty. We’ve been scooped up in a net-of-many they scan for the scamming and then hand-picked out of the catch based on our stellar human qualities.  We’re absolutely amazing women and men, we’re: trusting. Kind. Generous. Faith-full. Loyal. Pure-hearted. Optimistic. Believers in Humanity. Intelligent. Skilled. Creative. Tenacious. We are Super Heroes.

More To Know: It’s commonly said that sociopaths devalue and discard us. Nope. They fail and bail. Read here: Sociopaths Cannot Devalue Us.

We have been assessed and led to trust. We then are used. We’re slight-of-hand-hypnotized, abused and sucked as dry as possible, as quickly as possible while we’re looking the other way. We are dragged through the bowels of ruin. Then smeared in the mud of slander. The monster grinds our names onto the dirt after they go – even before they go. This is their vile and putrid attempt to glorify themselves as humanitarians, as good men, as perfect women, as beatific gods or goddesses who were used by an ungrateful or crazy or drug addicted or greedy or stupid last-person-they-gave-all-their-love-too.

People Who Fall for Sociopaths Are Awesome – Not Weak

And then once again, and again: sociopaths repeat – rewind,
repeat – rewind, repeat – rewind, the same old, tired, hateful,
lies woman after woman, man after man, scam after scam.

Who are we, the amazing women and men who fall into the abyss of loving a sociopath? What is it about our goodness that takes us into loving a sociopath? And what keeps us there giving full blast as long as we do? Twisting and turning and fighting to make sense of the confusion and bizarre surreal life that is loving a sociopath. – Why do we try so hard…?! Why do we believe the lies of a sociopath?

Sociopaths Need Strong People to Survive

The very nature of our Super-Hero-Awesome is aligned with what a sociopaths needs. He wants us because we’re so together, loving and loyal. Sociopaths look for prey who have hyper-empathy, invest in relationships, have high levels of trust and loyalty. When we come in contact with a predatory person and find them appealing or interesting – the trajectory of harm is set. It’s our job to know what a sociopath is, side step them, disarm their love-bombing ways – stay who we are – and spread the word.

More To Know: These super-traits are not usually seen as what draws a sociopath to us. Instead the targets of sociopaths are routinely called: co-dependent, in denial and other shame-and-blame based ideas that are, in fact: incorrect, not in anyway applicable to this crime and cause us further harm. Read here: Trauma Bonding Comes from Our Innate Goodness – We Are Not Codependent.

These same aspects within us that a sociopath needs to survive, are the very traits that we use to recover. We are our own Super Heroes. We are our own Angels. Loyalty. Trust. Value relationships. Empathy and compassion: turn these towards ourselves. Embrace our own amazing selves!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Schedule a True Love Scam Recovery­™ Consultation with Jennifer Smith.

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True Love Scam Recovery™ participates in affiliate advertising programs. This helps support True Love Scam Recovery™ by offsetting a teensy-bit of the hours and hours and cash it takes to operate the site. This is very much appreciated. Every bit is good. was founded November 2014. Content, linked social media, online articles, emails, information and advice is not intended to replace services or advice from professionals of any specialty. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery™ Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

Aftermath of a Sociopath

Aftermath of a Sociopath – Love Flies Away

The aftermath of a sociopath is a chaotic upheaval of destruction & despair.
We can heal by using the very traits they chose us for.
Compassion. Kindness. Open Heartedness.


In the aftermath of a sociopath is a paralyzing fear. Anxiety, fragility, doubt, and confusion. The trauma and grief in the aftermath of a sociopath – in the wake of their lies – is singular. Unless you’ve been in a relationship with an antisocial psychopath this sad, mad, dazed and weakened state of mind and body will be a mystery.

This is all normal. There is nothing wrong with us. There is everything wrong with the antisocial psychopath who just walked out the door. We’re in post traumatic stress. We have been attacked. Sociopaths take material possessions and rape and pillage our hearts, our emotions, our lives, our souls.

In the aftermath of a sociopath
it’s time to give ourselves the loyalty, the benefit of the doubt and caring.

The Truth SNAPS the Mesmerized Devotion and Love

How it Went Down: In the aftermath of  a sociopath I had an abrupt and total break of feelings for my faux-husband, – The entire jerry-rigged universe he made with me blew sky-high. All good feelings I had for him blasted to smithereens. In a three-day span the spell he held over me was irrevocably broken. I woke up to myself. I was very fortunate.

For him the end came unexpectedly – too abruptly and before he was ready leaving him in the lurch. He’d been planning to take-off, because that’s what sociopaths do. — His timing was off. He didn’t see it coming. He wasn’t prepared: he had no ready jumping off place, no prepped and willing victim to fully move on to – or in with.

With the truth torn wide open, in a breath of a whisper I said, “I want you to leave.”
The face of my con man husband went stone blank. 

It was kind of funny seeing him scramble. And terrifying.

The End Always Arrives in True Love Scam

I stood four feet from this monster in my house. Small- huge words came out on an exhale, the only sound in the universe: “I want you to leave.” He sat at his desk – his throne of operations looking as if he were deep in thought over some important point. Heavy quite filled the space. I had become the power in the room – he was the one who was hunted. My life was instantly in a primal realm I’d never known before – this was his normal – a world of life and death. I saw true things I hadn’t seen before, sharp in focus like a lioness narrowing in on their prey.

He had moved in with me, I had turned my whole place around to accommodate him.

It became starkly clear: It wasn’t his desk! — He sat at my desk — in my Aeron chair, in my home. His only possession, his sleek, new MAC Airbook – not even truly his, but bought for him by another woman-of prey, living in South America while he was here, married to me. — This globe-trotting scammer had more than a baker’s dozen of us “believing” at once.

My place was his adopted Head Quarters. – His Scam Central of the moment.
He never had a real home. 

A Sociopaths Prey are their Survival

This was his hijacked lair. He leaned back in my chair, swiveling in deliberation as he calculated who to Facebook, and email and Instagram. Which chat room and Meet-Up to join. Sending his venom and lies and deception virtually every possible waking moment to scourge up more victims – while he lived in a pretend relationship with me, eating my food and using me for a cook, a laundress, and shelter. And. This. Was. All. He. Had. — This – was all he was.

I was his Internet Provider. His Grub-Shack. His Shower & Shave Pit Stop. His On-the-House Boarding House. He stalled leaving for ten gruesome, blood-chilling days. He was stymied. – He had no other bait hooked deeply enough. There were a few prospects – none were Move-in-Ready. He hibernated, sleeping for three days and nights. Then he sprang into action. As early as 8:00 in the morning – a quintessential night-owl, he was out the door, shaved and shiny faced to walk the boiling-hot streets of LA – hunting down a car, money and a place to go.

Sociopaths are Shameless and Relentless

Though he knew the game was up, he didn’t give up.

One afternoon he tried to work me over again for a car, and – if it weren’t so scary – from another angle it was hilarious and pathetic – he put me through a test to be sure I would not turn him in to authorities for stealing from me – jewelry, money, access to the USA – my life. I went along with his improvisation. I soothed him, as he (fake) blubbered and sobbed, wet slicking down his face in sheets. He wove a sob story about his father having a dream his son was in jail in the United States. When he dropped this punch line I almost laughed out loud. He was gauging what I’d do when he left – if it was safe fro him to leave.

The most significant thing I did was lie.
And lie more. I told him I couldn’t pay the internet bill.

When the Goodies are Gone – the Sociopath Moves on

Without the internet, his main-line source of hunting prey was over in this joint! The next day he had new suitcases, a new SUV and $1,000 cash in his sweaty fist. The next day while I was at work he called my cell phone. I didn’t pick it up. I knew this was his exit. He wasn’t there when I got home Empty hangers swayed in the closet. Chests of drawers hung loose like sad drooping hungry mouths. Then the real terror came.

The aftermath of a sociopath struck with a vengeance. I didn’t know I’d felt safer while he was under the same roof – because I knew where he was. Now he could be anywhere: following me, watching me… I felt like he could turn the door knob at any minute and I’d already had the locks changed.

But I had to handle a truck-load-of-serious, move fast and could not collapse in relief or grief or fear or despair. I didn’t have time to say, “What the bleep was all that?!” – I had to protect and save my life.

I took steps to take care of myself on every front immediately: practical, legal, spiritual – and for mental, physical and emotional health. A sort of super-human capability took over my body and piloted me through each hour, each day that followed.

Sociopaths count on our fear of them.

I could sway him in much stronger measure than his darkness could reach me. When we don’t believe  anymore – they shudder with fear, because in essence, without us and others believing them:  they do not exist.

This is what I did immediately.

Self-Care, Safety, Support, Action, Protection

  • Had my door locks re-keyed.
It came to my mind that I needed, on a fundamental level, to more deeply value and “protect my life”. The next morning I took practical action. I called a locksmith. He couldn’t do what I needed, but gave me a name to call, which locks to get,to save money by re-keying, what the prices should be, and over and over, he said this: “It’s for your protection“, “I’m thinking of your protection”, “I want you to be protected.” – The locksmith he recommended?  – Guardian Angel Locksmiths.
They came to my door in a white van.  — Did I still sleep with my keys and handbag? Did I still carry all my important ID documents with me, and my laptop and a change of clothes? Did I still shake in panic that I’d see him – or think he was watching me a hundred times a day? Yep. And I felt and did that – until I didn’t.
  • Got a solid definition of an antisocial psychopath’s mind. I memorized it.
I instinctively reframed every scenario or memory based on how a sociopath’s mind works. – Playing out his actions and crazy words from the point of view of his mind – not mine. The truth revealed itself hour by hour: I could have been anyone. I was a piece of equipment to him. I was interchangeable and replaceable.
There was no relationship.
This kept me sane. This kept me away from: “Why me?!”, “How could he do this to me?!” “How could I have been so stupid?!” – I had  shaky moments and hours and days  – but always went back to this “reframing technique”.  Seeing things from his mind-set freed me. 
  • Got support filing annulment papers, a real live attorney. 
The annulment process was too overwhelming to take on. Self-serve divorce or annulment might be doable for dissolving a normal marriage – not in this case – not in the aftermath of a sociopath. An annulment is more complicated; it requires specific proof of fraud. I would not settle for anything but annulment. Divorce was too good for him and not good enough for me. I hired an attorney – who I found through a co-worker. I was so fortunate and so grateful! — That may not be everyone’s situation — the point is this: Let people know what you need. Support will be there in unexpected ways from unexpected sources. Open your heart.
What ever your faith is – make use of it… This is what I did: I called a leader in a support capacity in SGI. I hadn’t met her more than 3 times in passing. We spoke by phone. I was too spun-out in a state of high-high trauma to tell her my circumstances. I could barely speak coherently. Plus I knew the details were not important. I said something like: “I’m in a serious, serious situation. I’m terrified. There are legal issues. It’s really, really serious. I have no idea what to do, but I have to handle really serious things. Now. I can’t make any mistakes. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do any of it.” — She said: Chant that everything you do is the best thing. – No matter what action you take – chant with determination that, this is THE BEST thing to do. — It worked. It saved me. It was hard. I trusted my life. I was kind to myself. – Follow your faith. Embrace your own life.
  • Talked with my brother and sister  daily.
That simple. – No judgement. Pure love. Clear thinking. Listening. Kindness. Encouragement. Straightforward simplicity. Did I have these deeply functioning relationships already in place? Nope. I talked with my brother about 6 times a year; my sister every week or two. He lived in another state; my sister was 6 miles down the road. I determined this would be the best thing that ever happened – that benefit from this con man raid would deepen unity within my family. — Reach out. You’ll be surprised in a good way. Someone is there for you.
  • Talked daily with my con man’s domestic partner in Europe.
She was going through what I was – With his child and four years together to make sense of and recover from. We discovered his atrocities together. We healed together. We are best friends to this day and live on two separate continents. There is power in unity. Human similarities beat out any superficial differences or conflicts. We were united and embraced one another from our first crazed Facebook messages.
  • Found the courage to talk to his girlfriends, fiances and wives.
I talked with anyone he conned – which was anyone and everyone he knew. I did this over a period of months for a critical reason: I needed evidence for my annulment. – The secondary benefit was it brought me home to the fact that my relationship had been an illusion. – That I had been victimized, but had the power to not be a victim. Incredibly, I helped clean up his damage – I encouraged those who needed it, including a wife, a fiance, a girlfriend and two former “employees”. My capacity expanded, my compassion was proven a beautiful thing. Kindness is good. Trust is good. Benevolence is good. Don’t let a con man take that.
  • Got nutritional supplements for stress & other health issues.
The intense stress was killing me. I am not meaning that metaphorically or in any exaggerated sense. I mean it utterly. – I got specific mega-vitamins to save my long-term health. — I also ate almost nothing, slept very, very little, or in a comatose deep sleep and had no exercise other than constant adrenaline rush. Not advisable, but likely unavoidable. I was plagued by sickness. It’s temporary. Healing takes time. Let it. Just keep going.
  • Got a homeopathic remedy for trauma and grief.

I use homeopathy as my main source of medical care. I took ignatia and arnica to ease the loss and grief. It let my body ease into a place where I could cope and move forward day by day. I couldn’t have made it through without it.
  • Talked frequently to anyone who would listen.
Translate to: I did not blame myself and had no shame or guilt. — This goes back to understanding my sociopath’s mind and accepting that I was his unwitting prey. – I did not victimize myself. This does not mean I wasn’t in shock, fear, grief and struggled to overcome the experience. It means I gave myself a break, Gave myself the benefit of the doubt.
  • Reported him to every authority under the sun.
Exactly. In detail. Exhaustively. To police, the District Attorney, Immigration – USCIS, and the FBI. It was the right thing to do. It may not be a crime according to the law books to father seven children and leave them, or deceive a woman – many woman at once. To use them, to cause trauma to heart and soul, but: it is a crime to steal. Bigamy is a crime. Immigration fraud is  a crime. I didn’t want him to get what he’d tried to take from me spiritually, mentally, financially or physically. I stood up for my own value. I was loyal to myself.
  • I drank wine. Yep. I don’t normally drink.
I don’t recommend drinking. For myself a glass or two of wine every night got me through. After about 9 months I didn’t want it anymore – I went back to my normal alcohol intake – which is about 1 or 2 drinks – about 4 times a year. If I had any alcoholic tendencies this nightmare would have brought them to life. Here’s the thing: if you have addiction issues stay away from pain killers, alcohol, recreational drugs, or anything like them. Please find another way to cope. Don’t let this inhuman, con man or con woman be your down fall! Use him to rise up!!

Rise above the fear a con man conjures. Take practical and true, confident steps to resolve any entanglements his or her sick-frenzy wove in your life. He or she chose you because you are good, capable and trustworthy. Because you are loyal, kind and loving. Everything about him or her is illusion. The aftermath of  a sociopath becomes our victory dance; the sociopath’s power is superseded by our shining lives when we are strong, march forward and keep loving!!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Schedule a True Love Scam Recovery Consultation with Jennifer Smith.

Join the confidential True Love Scam Recovery email list.

Please add jennifer (at) truelovescam (dot) com to your contacts.
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