Category Archives: RECOVER

Recover – Understand the post traumatic stress and the “why…?”

2 Reasons Sociopaths Have Sex

Sociopaths use sex 
as a way to control targets or for a high.
Sociopaths do not feel emotional connection, love or like.

Sociopaths have sex or refuse to have sex for only two reasons.

1. To control a target.
2. For animal release and a high.

Sociopaths sexual activity initiates for these two very specific reasons and – at the same time – like all things about a sociopath, sex has no bounds.

Having a sociopath as a lover is hell. 

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The Truth About Betrayal After True Love Scam

We uncover the other woman.
We break through the lies about who they are and what they’ve done.
We seek support from police, courts, therapists.
And often – too often – find only more crazy.

The truth is, traditional, standard support from therapists, counselors, psychologists, doctors, law enforcement, social services and the like, have no idea what people coming out of this malarkey are going through, though they’ve labeled the surreal nightmare as: “narcissistic abuse” and call us: “narcissistic abuse victims” who are in “narcissistic abuse syndrome.”

Whether we like this terminology or not, some of us don’t find even this level of acknowledgement.

Where is the real help?

What is the Deeper Betrayal in True Love Scam?

Most of the time in couples counselling the therapist sides with the sociopath completely missing the mark on who the “bad guy” is. All too often in therapy and court-battle-hades during the aftermath, we’re penalized, labeled, have children taken away, lose rights, access, property and our sense of self.

We topple under the disbelief of another devastating trauma inside the nightmare.


Recovery involves recovering from trauma inside of trauma.

Know This: I’m well over and fully recovered from the bu–s–t con man. – But it still makes me sick to my stomach to think of the betrayal and denial and misunderstanding from the authorities we turn to for help, as we escape true love scam. Though very, very unusual, I fortunately had family who accepted and understood the truth. An attorney who jumped on board. A judge who saw through the con man. — Police, and many others had to be convinced in harrowing, gut-wrenching meetings and appointments over and over and over. Trauma inside the trauma.

The Truth About Betrayal In True Love Scam

We’re the grassroots movement bringing the truth of true love scam to light. Bringing forward what we truly suffer: confusion, shock, shame, guilt, loss, feeling broken; some of us go through a psychic break under the weight of this horrific crime. – The proverbial rug has been pulled out from under our lives and then we find there’s no one who understands; sometimes, no one who believes us.

Who’s really betraying the prey of the sociopath…? – The sociopath who doesn’t care, never did, never will and is straightforwardly being what they are: antisocial psychopaths who go unrecognized and only bring destruction with their limited brain focused on self survival, grandiosity, and delusion swimming in a bed of lies? – Or the people meant to protect and serve its citizenry? The people holding high degrees, given blanket respect and looked to for relief by those in pain?

Let’s Assume: Anyone who goes into the field of counseling, psychology and therapy or social work has great intentions at heart. They do want to help… The thing is, until now the “facts” about these circumstances have been all wrong. It’s a new day. – They’re playing “catch-up” to our real life knowledge.

Who Do Sociopaths Target?

News flash: we’re not victims, as in we’re not chronically low self-esteem, victim-ie people. We have no “disorder.” We’re not in denial. We’re not codependent. We were targeted, pursued, sucked in, used for our loyalty, honesty, genuine compassion and good character – and yes… all while we were in love. We believe them, trust them, defend them; we behave as normal people, in a normal relationship until we see it isn’t anything like normal. We don’t know wtf is happening, but we certainly save ourselves as soon as possible. There’s nothing wrong with us.

These are crimes – not relationships.

Targets of sociopaths suffer profoundly more
because of the incredible lack of understanding by “experts” and “authorities.”

Calling police, and filing restraining orders can be the thing that brings us down instead of the protection it’s meant to be, making a deeper nightmare that gives the con artist validity as the “sane” one and brands us the crazy, hysterical, nut job in the eyes of authorities. This is how children can be lost to the lunatic who doesn’t love them. Think twice before taking court action or calling police; this is best only in situations where direct evidence that fulfills the legal parameters for the circumstances in our locality is very strong and in our favor.

Always look at our escape through the eyes of a sociopath. Approach everything we do with the appearance of giving them what they want, otherwise the revenge they’re compelled to go for is a hell we can’t imagine. – Looking at the whole mess through the mind of the maniac is how we can determine which action is  safest and most effective and break free; and get away safely to a place where we can grieve the loss of a life we thought was real – not the scammer.

Know how to view the scam accurately. This is how we break free.
Seeing what was real, and no contact are how we truly heal.
This is key.

There are a few who get it. A very few. Dr. Christine de Canonville, a psychologist in Ireland, openly says psychologists, therapists and mental health support people aren’t trained in this and don’t know how to support those getting away from a narcissist or a sociopath. Dr. de Canonville hopes to teach therapists how to do so.

Prey of Sociopaths Bring New Understanding of “Victims” of True Love Scam

In the meantime, let’s lead the way. Support one another. Really, really understand what happened: a collision of two different beings: us – fully functioning human beings, and those with an under functioning brain. A brain that allows them only a limited, myopic and destructive view of life – and gives them the innate ability to entrance any person who finds them charming, even the most hardened cynic. – Anyone can be conned into true love scam.

Our great goodness is what a sociopath needs to survive. Our great goodness sets us free. Never give up trusting, bonding and caring. Enlarge and grow our compassion; embrace our own lives and the lives of strangers. – An increase and expansion of understanding how valuable and precious our lives are, our gorgeous  interdependence and fully comprehending the minds of those devoid of humanity, will narrow and diminish the antisocial psychopath’s effect on individuals, families, communities and in the world.

Remain human and humane.

Jennifer Smith with Kristin Walker on Mental Health News Radio Network:
The Ins and Outs of Life Married to a Con Man

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith 

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2 Excuses for Narcissistic Bad Behavior

Sociopaths know they’re monsters.
They keep it a secret as long as they can.

We look for explanations for their bad behavior.

As normal people believing we’re in a real relationship, when things aren’t super excellent we try to work it out. One common element of working on things is finding the “why.”

As in: “I have a hard time trusting because…”

There’s a tendency to explain current behavior or feelings on our childhood or past experiences that develop into “conditions” or “disorders” in adulthood.

This thinking is infinitely damaging for us when the other person is a narcissist.

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We’re Not In Denial

We’re not In denial – that’s a river in Egypt.
But seriously.
No one deliberately let’s themselves remain in the clutches of a slimy sociopath.

Our goodness caught their attention – our goodness sets us free.

1335389047833_7342755When we’re ensnared by a sociopath,  there‘s a clashing of two worlds – a great collide of two different brains – the mind of a sociopath and of a regular person.

They do their best to let us believe rather than a clash, that together we’re the best match on the planet. The best fit that any two people could ever be.

In a short time, the chasm between our intention and their’s becomes clear; it’s revealed by bits-and-pieces. – We’re not in denial. No. We see it as soon as is humanly possible. Our bodies and minds protect us and so let the truth be seen in bite sized pieces so that we don’t lose our sanity.

After true love scam our eyes are wider open than most.

We’ve been through some crazy. Really. Super. Nuts.

PTSD is Normal After a Narcissistic Sociopath

We’re not permanent victims scarred for life. We’re not to blame for being snagged and conned by a lying sociopath. – These are not the only two options. — Though – sometimes — it seems to be as we try to find our way out of the maze. There are piles of main stream answers to this hideous crime. Including that we, as targets invited it through our past abuse issues, or our relationship issues and that we stayed because we were in denial.

How about we look at it from another direction? From our eyes. Let’s stop letting people outside the experience define what happened. Let’s look at it from the eyes of the prey of a sociopath. This perspective takes a whole different set of  words to define it. – More fanciful words… not for the sake of frivolous semantics, but because of a very real variance in meaning.

Unless someone’s been in it or through it – they’ve got no idea.

We Are Not in Denial – We’re Amazing

We understand this perspective: we’re entranced. Or Hypnotized. Charmed. Under their spell. Filled with their poison. Enchanted. Injected by their venom. Filled with their fetid breath and held captive. Captured and tied through our soul to their putrid, rotting guts.

You see – definitely more fanciful descriptors – these come from the influence of watching many Johnathan Strange and Dr. Norell episodes on late night Netflix binges that stopped my anxious brain from thinking in the early days of recovery and rocked me to sleep – and still reflect the real-deal of being in one of these hellish circuses of a true love scam – the day-time-wide-awake, hall-of-mirrors-nightmare of living hijacked by a sociopath.

We are not in denial or willfully resisting seeing what they are.
Would we be with them if we knew they were sociopaths…?!
No. – Phfffftt… Who even knew what a sociopath was before all this?

No One Can See Something We Don’t Know Exists

For anyone who’s not been hijacked by a sociopath these descriptors might sound absurd. It may be what inspires, Ohhhh… hmmm, yes. She’s in denial. – And other wholly off the mark, and utterly compassionless, and just plain rude remarks from onlookers and others, who we might think would know better. To those under the spell these are quite accurate descriptions that bring about our freedom. With this look at things we feel less crazy. We might let out a sob of relief, Oh, my god! That’s it! That’s exactly what it is!! – And a little slip of hope eeks through the fog of the sociopath-madness we’re trapped in.

Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged
by those who have NOT been through it.
And as if the sociopath has the determining view.

None of us are with a sociopath by direct choice. We do get away from them by choice. And this’s the important part of this circumstance. Somehow most of the world focuses on wondering how we stumbled into it, why we stayed, ie: How could we have been so stupid?

What about focusing on how we got away!?

The Traits That Attract a Sociopath To Us – Save Us

The very same goodness of heart that makes us attractive to a sociopath is what we then flip – and bring to life exponentially – to get safely and completely away. There, there is the real thing. It takes colossal effort. Courage, wisdom, persistence, patience, bravery to break from a kind of bondage, an entrapment so immense it can’t be understood unless it’s been experienced.

Know This: If someone says it’s your fault, let them know they’re out of step – evolution of humankind has progressed. Victim blaming is over. No. We’re not in denial. We’re believers in love. We believed that there was love – until we didn’t. And now that we don’t – watch out. When we see it for the crime it is there’s no place for the scamming-scum to run.

You Have to Live Through It to Understand It

The break-away from a sociopath is so intense, so life-shattering it can never be understood unless you too are an escapee. – And that my friends, does not signify a weak victim, a codependent-door-mat, a denial or any such nonsense. No. It signifies some of the hugest power, determination and strength on the planet. No, we are awesome. We’re super heroes. We’re our own Angels.

Nope. We’re not in denial. Denial isn’t a deliberate action – ever. Our glorious bodies innately know a human can’t handle the monumental stress that all this entails in one go. So – yes – clarity is meted out in doses only a beatific human of great empathy and love could handle. Even tiny doses of what we went through would break anyone else. No, denial is nothing more than a river in Africa. A raging, pernicious river that every con man needs to be thrown into without a life jacket.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

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www.truelovescam.com, founded November 2014. www.truelovescam.com content and it’s linked social media or other online articles, emails, information or advice through any medium is not intended to replace services or advice from professional therapists, psychologists, medical practitioners, legal authorities, U.S. immigration authorities or licensed attorneys of any specialty. See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

Sociopaths Cannot Devalue Us

Our worth is not in their hands.
They don’t devalue us; they can’t – these clowns didn’t value us to begin with.
Repeat: Our worth is not in their hands.

circus-clip-art-themeThere’s a popular lexicon delineating the ride with these jokers. There’s a bit – or a lot that seems off the mark. It’s said they: love bomb, idealize, devalue then discard us. Okay. They scoop us up, flatter us, then devalue and discard??

Why is this journey through hell looked at as if the sociopath holds the cards?  

This is wrong. We feel shame as the outcome of this kind of thinking. They need us for their survival! – For their very existence. We are the power here. They fail and bail.

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Die Sociopath, Die

Omg. How we wish they were dead.
We can’t believe we feel this way.
Omg. We don’t want to say it out loud.
But. We wish they were dead.

Yep. They are terrible words. – And they are normal words that come to all our minds & to some of our lips after a sociopath splits the scene. We’re left swirling in a cesspool of lies, deceit, ruin and devastation.

About 2 months in from there –
we want him dead. Or her.

Images dance through our minds of how: beaten, chopped up – mostly beaten. We’d kinda like to see them tortured slowly. Nobody talks about this – you can bet I will.

At odd moments the thought runs past the viewing screen in our minds that we could maybe hire someone to kill him. We know we can’t – first of all it’s seriously cost prohibitive – and, secondly – we know we won’t do any such thing. But. Oh. My. God. He. Deserves. To. Be. Dead. We have dreams during which someone – or we – kill them. We picture them being strangled, or stoned to death. These life-stealing assholes have earned nothing less. Not all sociopaths beat their prey — but emotional abuse does not go by harmlessly. When discovering we were ensnared by a sociopath – the deception, the mind-F**k, the house of cards – this is plenty-enough to make us want them dead during the normal-and-to-be-expected PTSD we go through.

 

 

Makes yuh rethink the circumstances under which Lorena Bobbit
cut of her sleeping husband’s penis with a kitchen knife in 1993.
We all know it now: John Bobbit is a sociopath.

Wishing the Narcissistic Sociopath Would Die is Normal – It’s Part of Healing

While it’s true the sociopath has no conscience, the fact is we do have a conscience. And feelings. And we really would not ever come remotely close to killing the bastard or bastardette. But it sure feels good thinking about it every quiet once in a while – but only for a while. — This feeling passes.

imagesThese out of character flashing thoughts occur during a brief part of the reaction to the trauma at their hands. It’s got a name. It’s called Battered Person Syndrome. Lorena gave her husband’s penis a whack 20 years ago, June 23, 1993. She faced court charges and trials and public scrutiny and then it was judged that she was under temporary insanity when she sawed of her hubby’s little, sleepy, dangling thingy. Can you picture it? — Did she drop the knife and run when her cheating-beating-husband woke from a dead sleep screaming and spurting blood from his little sausage? Or, rather – from where it used to be? – We know she held onto his penis – later it was sewn back on.

If we’re smirking and enjoying this scenario
does this make us cold and heartless?? No.
It means we’re alive, and thank goodness we have a sense of humor.
John came out okay. He even got to star in a couple pornos
– all due to his hacked-off, patched-up penis.

We Feel Kinda Crazy and Kinda Guilty

Hmmm. Temporary insanity. – Uh, yah. Some of us could get there. We know that. Let’s not. It’s so not worth. Instead let’s open our hearts towards ourselves. Seek out an accurate perspective on what these soul-jackings are. They are crimes. We were not in relationships and likely – neither was Lorena Bobbit. — Did you see that guys photo? The face of a sociopath if there ever was one.

Know the Real Deal – Be Free

We want to refocus and reframe the nightmare. Look at it for what it was: A Crime. The sociopath has a simplistic, myopic mind. They only care about 2 things: 1) Getting what they want. And 2) Not getting caught. All the emotional upheaval we go through is the fallout of the way they bulldoze through countless target’s worlds with their permanent life view, which is: “I am better than everyone. I deserve whatever I want. I will take it. You will be grateful. You will shut up.”

Sociopaths believe they are fantastic. We know they’re monsters. – And that we are not – so no… we won’t go around killing anyone. We’re gonna look towards rebuilding our lives and using the madness to, in fact, become a better version of ourselves. It’s called turning karma into mission. Transform the icky karma of meeting Mr. Shit-pants into value – Lorena did it. She has started an organization, called Lorena’s Red Wagon, that helps victims of domestic abuse with profoundly simple and equally significant things – like providing birthday cakes for the children of victims who have escaped, but are say, maybe in a shelter. I officially love Lorena Bobbit.

Our actions in challenging our destiny become examples and inspiration for countless others… When we change our karma into mission, we transform our destiny from playing a negative role to a positive one… Therefore those who keep advancing, while regarding everything as part of their mission proceed toward the goal of transforming their destiny. ~ Daisaku Ikeda, Living Buddhism, August 2003

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Schedule true love scam recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith

Join the confidential True Love Scam Recovery email list.
New posts & encouragement fly to your inbox.


Gmailers always check your “Promotions” tab. Gmail sorts incoming mail.

Please add jennifer (at) truelovescam (dot) com to your contacts.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.

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True Love Scam – Recognize and Survive a Relationship with a Con Man and it’s agents are not licensed attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.