Sociopaths’ sexual boundaries. Vague, twisting, bending, illusion. Sociopaths’ gender and sexuality isn’t fluid, it’s manufactured.
Sociopaths’ sexual boundaries change with their prey. That person you’re calling a “narcissist” or even a sociopath that is, is changeable sexually. What I mean by this is, they decide prey by prey how much of their debauchery and what “flavor” of their sexuality to let out of the bag.
Though we might see them as one thing sexually, as preferring a certain type of sexual expression they each have habits and tendencies that are not shown to each of their prey. These parasitic predators retain hidden netherworlds that not all of us, as their “girlfriend”, “boyfriend” or “spouse” is shown.
Their sexual boundaries, sexuality, and their sexual expression as presented to each prey are a part of what they use to bind people to them. Let’s look further into this…
The weird stuff they say haunts us. We do our best to tuck it away, but it pokes out. That stuff is the truth that can set us free.
Weird stuff they say haunts us. What’s up with “the boyfriend”, “husband”, “wife”, “girlfriend” (the pathological parasitic predator), and the weird things they say? Why do they talk a lot, but say one thing and then a different version another time? And then there’s the glittery hints of promises. Mutterings about marriage, kids, a house, something they’ll never do- like cheat or lie.
Typically, they tell lots of stories about other people; things those people did and said, along with lots of bad things about others. When we begin to question some of the things they do, their talk is peppered with denials about what was said or done. And eventually, there’s telling us we’re crazy. – But it’s the really weird stuff they say that haunts us most.
After no contact that’s when we get them out of our bones. We deliberatly create our recovery with new info, practical action and time.
After no contact we might think things are going to be amazing! Things are amazing all right. But maybe not in the way we hope or expect or might have assumed. The truth is after bravely going no contact, all of us feel relief and…like poop. At first. And at the same time.
Right along with feeling better…we feel…worse? Or a different kind of “bad”. It’s different than before going no contact, but it isn’t magically all better. So what’s it like after no contact? Let’s talk about it.
In this new reality of life, we recognize these narcissistic users where ever they may be.
A pathologically narcissistic user as a coworker is, unfortunately, a possible situation. A sociopath coworker isn’t unheard of by any means. Since the research says one in 25 people is a sociopath, this is bound to happen.
Leaving is scary. Their hounding and hoovering are traumatic. In a panic, we might think we want a restraining or protection order. In cases of violence – maybe – we need one.
Thinking of filing a protection order? – Or restraining order as they’re called in some parts of the USA? This is often the first thought we have when trying to leave a toxic partner. This is frequently the first advice we hear from others when we tell someone about the fear and trouble we’re having with a breakup from a “narcissist”.
As much as this can seem like the logical thing to do, let’s talk about why filing a protection order is a bad idea.
Heartless users are über devoted to their fantastical lies. And, when we unwind the lies they’re super mad. Luckily, we’re so much smarter than they are.
The sociopath behind the mask is a monster. And they love it that way. They love being what they are. They’re also extremely limited in the way they think.
Every sociopath wears a mask of nice, sweet, handsome, awesome-guy or gal until the truth rips it off. All sociopaths are the same, it doesn’t matter if they’re male or female, their age or where they’re from. The pathological user is wired to hate, it isn’t personal, but let them think you’re going to expose them, and they come at you full force.
It’s normal to trust, believe and care. It’s 100% abnormal not to. We can’t understand abnormal by looking at it from normal. So, let’s look at it for their side without our rose-colored glasses.
Narcissistic people who are in the zone of pathological narcissism know that they don’t have relationships. Even though they step up to us with this mesmerizing zinger, I’ve never met anyone like you before. They know they’re not stepping into a real relationship. We think they are; that we are.
The thing is, they aren’t saying what we think they’re saying. We naturally hear one thing, but they mean another. They don’t want a relationship, not even when they say, you’re my soulmate. Want to know why this is…?
Can we smell a narcissist? Does the sociopath have a certain aroma? As their abnormal brain affects their physiology… how does it show up?
These are entirely different “humans”. The way they think, speak, and behave is not a “choice”. It’s instinctive. Their fundamental “self” is wired to use and take and get whatever they need and want. This “self” is pathological… meaning they’re driven by their brains which are not normal, yet are quite specific.
I wonder, since the sociopath’s abnormal brain affects their physiology how does this show up in all parts of their being? We know a lot of the things that they each have in common as creatures of this sort. (Or the “narcissist’s” if you’re on that terminology even with all it’s pitfalls and misconceptions.)
They’re fundamentally and pathologically identical monster to monster.
Can you smell a sociopath? Does a narcissist have a certain aroma? As their abnormal brain affects their physiology… how does it show up?
These are entirely different “humans”. The way they think, speak, and behave is not a “choice”. It’s instinctive. Their fundamental “self” is wired to use and take and get whatever they need and want. This “self” is pathological… meaning they’re driven by their brains which are not normal, yet are quite specific.
I wonder since the sociopath’s abnormal brain affects their physiology how does this show up in all parts of their being? We know a lot of the things that they each have in common as creatures of this sort.
They’re fundamentally and almost thoroughly identical pathological beast to pathological monster. For example, we know in their heads lies are real and real is made up.
Monsters know they’re monsters. Narcs know they’re sociopaths. Sociopaths know they’re sociopaths. We don’t need to act as if they don’t and aren’t. That’s how we win.
Monsters know what they are. Monsters like who and what they are. And yet, we’re spinning here, seeing our world turn in circles and go nowhere but backward. Because that’s the natural effect they have on normal.
It’s the rest of us – the non-monsters – who have a hard time knowing they exist. The facts are, that monsters in “relationships” don’t want what we want. They aren’t there for the reason we are. Not for one tiny moment, not even one millisecond. Nothing is shamed mutual moment.
Normal is, as Normal Does: Normal Does as Normal Is
As any normal person would, when things first went wrong we defined what was happening through our normal ideas about relationships and our normal human point of view.
We’re normal and normal has its own special “lens” we use to look at the world. We might not think much about that, but it’s true.
We assume people are “good” like we are that all people share, for the most part, a core value system that is inspired by, “do unto others…”
Even if we disagree about big things like gun rights, abortion, immigration, or our favorite color. Even if we’re different in other ways we do feel there’s a shared baseline of “good” and rules we all follow about social behavior.
For this reason, as we fell down the rabbit hole, we naturally and blamelessly endowed the love of our life – the sociopath with a quality of humanity that unfortunately, does not exist inside their bodies, hearts, minds, or souls. (Even if you’re calling them a narc, narcopath, narcissist, psychopath, or any word.)
Sociopaths know they’re sociopaths. Narcs know they’re sociopaths. Most of the creatures we’re calling narcissists are sociopaths. These monsters know they’re monsters. It’s the rest of us who have a hard time knowing they exist. We don’t need to act as if they don’t and aren’t what they are.
Innocently and with pure-hearted hope, we explained away their odd habits and missteps. We found and still find after they’re gone in many cases, reasons, or explanations for those bizarre reveals-from-behind-the-mask.
As normal humans with fully limbic “feeling-based” brains have room to think, maybe, that’s just the way they are. We might decide to give them space based on an “issue” we’d work on as a couple. We give them more time… That’s normal. Because we assumed that the “monster” was a manageable version of “normal”. That assumption is 100% normal and something we do as regular, normal people who bond and care, and connect.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Antisocial personality disorder is the formal mental health diagnosis for what’s commonly referred to as “sociopathy.” People living with the condition are often labeled “sociopaths.” ~ Hope Gillette, Kendra Kubala, PsyD Psychology
Our natural understanding and compromising give them a hall pass to keep on stomping through our lives. We believed them when they told us about their childhood trauma that left them with PTSD or left them unable to be intimate. We believed their last girlfriend was crazy. This is because we’re good, not because of any special skill or intelligence they have.
When we love, we give. Monsters make use of, and take advantage of our goodness and our lack of really knowing and understanding that monsters exist. This is truly the psychopath’s only real intelligence.
What’s Love Got to Do with It?
When we fall in love involuntary changes go on in our bodies in we fall in that further mask the intentions and lies of the sociopath. Our zinging, swirling chemicals and altered state of excitement in a new relationship buy the sociopath time.
So, monsters, as in all they do, take advantage of what we are as fully limbic-brained humans. We don’t know about the parallel destructive existence shoving our lives in the wrong direction. They use the fact we don’t know the kind of creature that they really truly exist, let alone that it could be sleeping in our bed.
Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Their Power Is An Illusion: It’s the Effect Of What They Are
Our “not knowing” about these monsters, is the entirety of their power and “currency.” Since there’s a limited supply of “not knowing” on our part, their dominance and influence falter and they topple.
Monster-predators (sociopaths, psychopaths, and what people refer to as a narcissist) expect this shift from the first, “hello“. Sociopath-monsters do try to override it by getting angry or making more promises… this is so they can hang on as long as possible. It all only lasts so long. Because we’re not dumb. Sociopaths are dumb.
Monsters Have a Mean/Nice Switch: Only Two Options
In between these roller-coaster ups and downs, they’re bored and fishing for a new target. – Their full emotional range is solely in reaction to their own perceived success at taking and using, keeping what they take, and going free.
Monsters have been here since the beginning of time. They’re even mentioned in classic American literature. The author and Nobel Prize winner, John Steinbeck contemplates the existence of sociopaths in his stunningly comprehensive and beautiful award-winning novel, East of Eden, published in 1952, and later made into a film starring James Dean.
A female sociopath comes into the lives of two unmarried brothers by chance. East of Eden tells the odyssey of the brothers’ lives and their children’s lives affected by this sociopath, who plays a minor character but drives their fate. Chapter eight begins:
“Just as there are physical monsters, can there not be mental or psychic monsters born? The face and body may be perfect, but if a twisted gene or malformed egg can produce physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed soul?”
~ John Steinbeck, East of Eden
Monsters Need Us for Their Survival: We’re Unwitting Hosts to a Parasite
Narcissistic sociopaths need their emotional response or connection to survive or succeed. To put an end to our vulnerability to sociopaths understand how sociopaths think. Assess and judge what they do, based on their true intentions; use the thinking of a sociopath to evaluate what happened rather than our emotional brain and we set ourselves free.
As more and more of us individually and collectively comprehend what these humans without humanity are they will diminish, and their effect will be neutralized. Monsters know they’re different. They know that if we knew what they really were and are really up to, we would not accept them, this is why they hide.
Seeing What They Are Illuminates Our Great Goodness
As we see what they are, by contrast, we see how gorgeous a fully human person is. The human being as intended, not perfect, but filled with innate trust, goodness, and kindness, living a life interconnected and interdependent with one another.
This is surely the only way to give the existence of the monster-humans meaning or purpose and the way to transform our grief, loss, and pain into something good and to find ourselves more deeply appreciating life itself.
A single word can scar another. A single word can also give comfort and relief or fill one’s spirit with courage. The care with which we use words reflects the depth of our humanity. ~ Daisaku Ikeda
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