Things have gone off the rails.
We’ve tried to make things work,
we’ve given it all we’ve got.
The sociopath has too,
but in a completely different way.
When things first went wrong we defined what was happening through our human eyes and endowed the love of our life (the sociopath) with a non-existent humanity by explaining away their oddities and missteps and reveals-from-behind-the-mask as a dysfunctional version of “normal.”
We gave them a hall pass and then another. We believed their childhood trauma left them unable to be intimate. We believed their last girlfriend was crazy.
This is because we’re good,
not because of any special skill or intelligence they have.
Taking advantage of our goodness
and lack of knowing monsters exist
is the only “intelligence” a sociopath has.
When we fall in love involuntary changes go on in our bodies that further mask the intentions and lies of the sociopath. Our zinging, swirling chemicals and altered state of excitement in a new relationship buy the sociopath time.
As in all they do, the sociopath takes advantage of what we are as fully limbic brained humans. We don’t know about the parallel destructive existence shoving our lives in the wrong direction. They use the fact we don’t know the kind of creature they are really exists – let alone could be sleeping in our bed. And this, our “not knowing” about these monsters, is the entirety of their power and “currency.” Since there’s a limited supply of “not knowing” on our part their dominance and influence falters and they topple, sociopaths expect this shift from the first, “hello” – they watch for it. They try to override it and hang on as long as they can.
It all only lasts so long.
Because we’re not dumb. Sociopaths are very dumb.
The Mind of a Sociopath
Sociopaths are remarkably simplistic. Their thinking is limited, their emotional range is specific, they fluctuate between these concerns: Take whatever I want. Never be blamed or caught. Look like the “good” person. They do anything to bring these obsessive “goals” to actuality, including revealing further who they truly are by doing ridiculous things in attempts to throw blame on their prey and targets or in revenge.
They exhibit ecstatic glee in gaining new targets and new things, then anger and vindictive rage at losing prey or things they’ve taken and at being exposed. During times of acquisition they’re riding high and seem to be “happy.” When in the downward spiral of a scam or rejected in a something they wanted they mope; they can seem blank or depressed.
When they lose a target or a pet-project fails they yell; some rail and shake their fists in the air or ooze fake tears. When they sense larger threat to their con they can hurl themselves to the floor in a dramatic tantrum of agony and wailing in an effort to gain back a slipping facade. At this stage of drama the opposite spin to rage is highly aggressive and impulsive – even to the point of putting the sociopath themselves at risk physically or for criminal charges.
In between these roller coaster, ups and downs they’re bored and fishing for new targets. – Their full emotional range is solely in reaction to their own perceived success at taking and using, keeping what they take and going free.
Classic American author and Nobel Prize winner, John Steinbeck contemplates the existence of sociopaths in his stunningly comprehensive and beautiful award winning novel, East of Eden, published in 1952, and later made into a film starring James Dean. – A female sociopath comes into the lives of two unmarried brothers by chance. East of Eden tells the odyssey of the brothers’ lives and their children’s lives affected by this sociopath, who plays a minor character, but drives their fate. Chapter eight begins:
“Just as there are physical monsters, can there not be mental or psychic monsters born? The face and body may be perfect, but if a twisted gene or malformed egg can produce physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed soul?”
Sociopaths Need Us and Despise Us
In the same chapter John Steinbeck touches on another reality that’s a stumbling block to our healing after a true love scam. We find it very hard to imagine, to comprehend or accept that sociopaths do what they do deliberately and abhor us – sociopaths find “normal” revolting. They hold only contempt for us and view our emotions as pathetic. They know they’re different. They know we don’t accept them… this is why they hide. Look at this through the consideration of Mr. Steinbeck:
“Monsters are variations from the accepted normal to a greater or a less degree. As a child may be born without an arm, so one may be born without kindness or the potential of conscience. A man who loses his arms in an accident has a great struggle to adjust himself to the lack, but one born without arms suffers only from people who find him strange. Having never had arms, he cannot miss them. To a monster the norm must seem monstrous, since everyone is normal to himself. To the inner monster it must be even more obscure, since he has no visible thing to compare with others. To a criminal, honesty is foolish. You must not forget that a monster is only a variation, and that to a monster the norm is monstrous.”
We Are the Sociopath’s Survival
Sociopaths need many simultaneous prey and targets in various stages of scam in order to survive. There’s never only one, not even two or three, but more. Nothing a sociopath does has any wisp of positive, emotional bonding, compassion or kindness. Sociopaths always bring their own ruin in their complete inability to think or behave as anything other than a sociopath – the parts of their brains that don’t function disallow even remotely conceiving what normal thinking or feeling is.
They need our emotional response or connection to survive or succeed.
To put an end to our vulnerability to sociopaths understand how sociopaths think. Assess and judge what they do based on their true intentions; use the thinking of a sociopath to evaluate what happened rather than our emotional brain and we set ourselves free. As more and more of us individually and collectively comprehend what these humans without humanity are they will diminish, their effect will be neutralized.
As we see what they are, by contrast we see how gorgeous the fully human, human being is; the human being as intended, not perfect, but filled with innate trust, goodness and kindness, living a life interconnected and interdependent with one another. This is surely the only way to give the existence of the monster humans meaning or purpose and the way to transforming our grief, loss and pain to something good and to find ourselves more deeply appreciating life itself.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!