The Sociopath Behind the Mask

Sociopaths are predictable.
They’re über devoted to their fantastical lies.
Even after we uncover them. But now they are M.A.D.

12748457641108090280evil-clown-2-1-1[1]The sociopath behind the mask is a monster. And they love it that way. Every sociopath wears a mask of nice, sweet, handsome, awesome-guy or gal until the truth rips it off. All sociopaths are the same. Doesn’t matter if they’re male or female. They have identical and predictable patterns of behavior based in identical characteristics of a sociopath. – The most significant, life saving thing I did after I saw the truth was to lie.

Once we see them for who they are – and they know we know – the sociopath drops all pretense. The sociopath behind the mask comes out to play. The monster steps out front and center.

Bye-Bye Prince Charming. – Or Princess Lady-liar.
The Jig is Up. Now we go to Scary-Town.

The sociopath behind the mask is scarier than scary to us, their prey. Other people may not understand how or why we’re so frightened of such an obvious and  ridiculous liar. People close to us will wonder why we’re terrified of such a coward. We’re seeing the sociopath behind the mask – we are panicked to the bone. The house of mirrors we find ourselves in is no fun house. – But, the truth is they are ridiculous.

Bizarre moment number 2,534 and SNAP.
The moment we know the truth.
Keeping their mask in place can save us.

When we see the sociopath behind the mask they change completely from the nice man we fell in love with. The sociopath behind the mask is cold as ice. This. Is. Who. They. Really. Are. We may not understand what a sociopath is in technical terms –  but every fiber of our being can sense it, we think: He’s insane!  It’s not unreasonable to think: He could kill me!

Sociopaths aren’t usually killers – that’s another category of psychopath. Sociopaths can and will become fatally violent if they feel threatened. Their violence is unplanned and explodes in sudden rage when they feel trapped or the things they have scammed so hard for are taken from them. Please, don’t test a sociopath’s ability to kill. When they know we know the truth it’s time to be super careful.

We can out wit a sociopath.
They’re easy to play and we can make our get away.
Or get them to want to leave.

Keeping calm to observe the sociopath behind the mask as they rage like a whirling dervish. Angry and scared their scam is blowing up in their face, these charming and good-looking men instantly become physically ugly. Their bodies shape shift. Sounds impossible, but we all know this experience. Their bodies can shrink, faces turn grayish and darken, softness and nice facial expressions are gone.

The sociopath behind the mask is dangerous.
Until we fully realize what they are – and begin to reframe the nightmare.

It’s okay to lie to protect ourselves; feign the same devotion we showed them before we saw through the cracks – this is for our safety. At the same time  close bank accounts, Monitor action on the account for the next 24-hours to make sure they didn’t reopen it by depositing money into the empty account again. After 24-hours of inaction it would stay closed; cancel or remove him from credit cards. Tell him you lost your wallet and had to cancel them – or say nothing. Play dumb when he rages about it. Protect any personal documents and passwords. Prepare to have a safe haven to escape to. Keep a change of clothes and overnight things in your car if possible. Hide extra keys somewhere or leave them with a friend.

Sociopaths don’t like to discuss their misbehavior.

I took the credit cards from his wallet while he was showering. I told him in an off-handed, casual, yet unmistakably apologetic way the accounts had been shut down by the card company for going over the limit. To protect myself I played the bimbo. I agreed the credit card people were stupid – his word for them. I played sweet and naive. I supported his “feelings.” This gave him the impression I was still under his spell – leaving me safe from his rage.

This doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified. I was. 

The most important thing to do when the sociopath behind the mask comes out is to protect ourselves. Confronting or questioning or accusing them is playing with fire. This is not the time for a heart-to-heart. This is because none of the emotions we feel, none of the betrayal, none of the good times we had, not even the great sex – none of it means anything to the sociopath. They felt nothing. They were not in a relationship. A relationship did not exist.


They were in a game to gain what they wanted: a good reputation, a livelihood, a place to live, a car to drive. We were merely a resource. However, sociopaths do get angry when their game is playing out or being taken away. Anger and desire or want are the only two emotions sociopaths feel with any particular depth. It is exceedingly important that we understand how a sociopath thinks.

Our own safety is the only point of focus when the sociopath behind the mask is glimpsed. There are standard things to take care of, number one being whatever it takes to remain safe. This is the time to stop talking with the sociopath – even while we may still be under the same roof. Act normal, but behind the scenes get our ducks in a row to have him out or to move out ourselves. If we don’t live together things are easier. Block all contact with him. It is paramount to no longer speak, text, email, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, WhatsApp, Viber, KIK, Snapchat or any other chat with the sociopath behind the mask. He knows we know. He knows he’s a monster. He has been expecting an end to this game. He has done this before. He has other victims already in play. He’ll be ‘fine’. We must focus on protecting ourselves. We must put an end to the true love scam.

It’s hard to believe that none of it is real. But understanding this is how we survive and thrive. It is essential once he is gone to reframe the nightmare with a sociopath, to understand the emotional abuse  they carry out, and to make our way through the post-traumatic stress that will take our breath away after we see the sociopath behind the mask and remove him from our presence. – Break away. Be fearless and free.

To hear more than can be absorbed in one sitting view this National Geographic video on the anti-social psychopath or sociopath. See it here. This is not to be missed.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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