We Believe and Trust: This is Normal

Let’s start at the beginning of the whole schemer. We, each, naturally, entered into what we thought was a relationship with a kindred spirit. These kinds of hijackings- which we live as a “relationship”- are most often described as a dream-come-true kind of soul-mate match.

None of us got into this mess because wee knew the person was a sociopath, a “narcissist” or what ever we call them! People just don’t do that. We believed, trusted and had infinite hope for our futures with this person.

These encounters and entrapments happen like this: An ordinary day, our usual routine or out somewhere we usually don’t go, could be anywhere. We could be anyone. We meet someone, they’re kinda cute or interesting or draw us in somehow, as they stand out or approach us. We like them, believe them, and trust them. This is all normal and our right as humans on planet earth.

Coupling Up with Unknown Evil

This felt like all we’ve been wanting… We had a certainty that we’d met a person of amazing character and quality. As it turns out, we didn’t and they aren’t. What we also didn’t know is that they know they aren’t. And further they know that we don’t know that they’re a lying deceiving snake, and that’s just how they want it for as long as possible so they can use us and take things from us. That makes them rotten and wrong, not us.

Naturally, as we became a couple, still not realizing what they are, we stick with them and stay in what we think is a side-by-side love-match. We look forward to our bright future together. Yet unbeknownst to us, rather than side-by-side, we’re not on the same page…Not in the same book. Heck, not in the same time warp or galaxy.

Evil Peeks Through But It Doesn’t Have a Name

It’s fairly early on that we feel weird. We aren’t sure what it is… It’s isn’t anything recognizable. We can’t name it. There are inconsistencies, odd things that happen, and that they say. And naturally, because we’re normal people, we make sense of it…we rationalize.

We also ask, we ask them what they meant, or why they did something or other that we find confusing. They give a reply and we accept it- this is normal. We incorporate their response and reason or explanation into a kind of “sense” (yes, even when it doesn’t make sense).

We Stop Asking “Why”…

Eventually, or sometimes, we just don’t ask at all. For some reason, we just “know” to hold back. Maybe we saw a flash ripple across their face, or a look in their eye, maybe they told us we ask to many questions, or we should trust them and everything will be okay (a favorite saying os these creatures). And because humans trust, we do.

However, there are niggling bits and pieces that remain… This is happening because of what we are as normal humans colliding with what they are as sociopathic entities, we stay. We continue to rationalize or set questions aside. This is the normal way of things when someone is ensorcelled under coercive control by a sociopathic “person”.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

There is resolution and full restoration.
What is recovery for you?

The End is Its Own Kind of Hell

This kind of entrapment can happen to anyone at any time in life. There are even those of us who have a sociopath parent, sibling, or child. For some of us, we met this evil as teenagers. We might have spent our teenage years to now, living in a slow simmering turmoil and chaos until landing here; arriving puzzled, in pain, and oh, so, so sad and exhausted.

The day arrives that this pile of steaming confusion is something we can barely breathe inside of, or comprehend as our minds and bodies and stomachs churn every minute. We’ve been updating some of our friends and maybe we’ve lost touch with most of them.

Leaving Coercive Control is a Roller Coaster in Hell

In this escape from coercive control it’s completely normal to experience physical, mental, emotional reactions. Likely we’re facing things we’ve never had to before, and know nothing about such as legal issues and tenants or property rights and so forth. We’re on a roller coaster of uncertainty, terror, relief, fear, memories, questions that don’t stop.

It’s normal that we’re feeling confused, and we aren’t sure about some of the things we need to do, and yet we’re absolutely certain about other things we need to take care of in the midst of feeling absolutely horrific.

This is the emotional landscape pathological predators and users inspire without even trying; this is just the way it is. We need to be able to tell someone, to get input, to talk things out, to find answers. So, who can we turn to?

Though We Can Barley Stand, We Need to Talk

When we finally leave, we reach out to family, to friends… and discover that they didn’t understand why we were in a relationship with this person, that they didn’t ever feel comfortable about this person… and now, now that we’re making an exit, and mining discoveries that burn our eyeballs and bring up breakfast, they understand far less.

So there we are, in a soup of colossal proportions. It feels like we’re at the onset of a walk through the fire, or a ride through a tsunami on a piece of cardboard. As we go through the mind-bending maze of breaking up with evil, we need to talk and tell and retell because: We’re trying to figure out why this happened, what happened and how someone could do this to someone they professed to love. We’re mid-traumatic-event with more life-shaking discoveries ahead.

Real Answers: Real Recovery

Post Traumatic Stress is Normal

We’re in post-trauma because the time spent as “a couple” when that other person is an antisocial psychopath is a traumatic event, yet not a typical traumatic event. Rather than a short-lived one-time event it’s sustained trauma and is in our daily life.

By typical traumatic event, I mean a natural disaster, a car accident, or physical attack by a stranger, or in war. The events which people often don’t want to talk about, can’t talk about and might be told by some not to talk about… yet these events are accepted. No one questions someone about the validity of having their house robbed, but sustain a life-jacking…? Somehow it’s supposed that we’re to blame.

Post Trauma is Where Healing Starts

The trauma and post-trauma of being scammed by a pathological user that we loved and trusted our life with are singular. This is someone we loved, yet now we’re absorbing: that they didn’t love us after all.

The discovery that they lied is traumatic. We do want and need to tell our story because we’re looking for answers at every retelling. We’re stunned and unwinding the maze to see more of what happened… we need to. We talk about it a lot. We need to.

This is No Ordinary Break Up: It’s a Life-Saving Escape

As we’re in real trauma, and post-trauma, trying to make sense of what happened, we go over and over and over it. It’s the only thing on our minds. After about three weeks, people tell us to move on, thinking we’re in a normal break-up.

Not only does this not help, but it also isn’t possible: not until we do get the answers to what happened and how. We want, need, and deserve answers that are real. Our chance at full recovery is within knowing the truth. A truth beyond the standard explanations.

No One Understands: No Need to Defend or Explain Yourself

Our impatient friends who’ve been hearing about this monster loose patience. They have lots of ideas about what we should have done, what we should do now, and wonder why we didn’t or don’t. They’re getting worn out with hearing about it, with seeing you… well that they might call obsessed. At this point we’re also worn out with what they call being obsessed, or ruminating or fixated.

The thing is, anyone who suggests that we should stop thinking about them is wrong. They don’t understand what breaking up with evil is, and all those thoughts are where the healing can begin. If we get a hold of and can take in the accurate information and perspective to unwind those replays. To diminish and tame the post trauma and begin to put our lives back together.

Why Friend’s Drop By the Way Side

Let’s be really… We put in hours of effort and suffering in this mess to understand what happened. How can we really- truly now, expect other people to understand this horror? This thing that is beyond imagining unless you’ve been in it. Yes, I know there’s lots of information out there about “narcissists” and “toxic relationships”… But the truth is, that doesn’t begin to cover it, and often goes off track and down the wrong road.

And, as we continue vibrating in our trauma attempting to recover our lives, and telling friends about it… I’m sorry to say, but it’s incredibly common to lose some of those friends. The fact is, we do give off a disturbed aspect… You feel it, and our friends can too.

Some can listen more readily and judge less, but even these friends are worn out by month three and four. If we can hold off from sharing our situation, if we can stay in touch with those who can’t quite handle it, but spare them our trauma they may make it through our healing and out the other side.

It’s Too Unbelievable and Just too Much

Not only do people around us not understand our agitation, the way our hand tremors as we try to take another sip of tea and tell more, well… it frightens them. It’s all too much for them from the outside looking in at us breaking up with evil.

We can see that they can’t believe that we could’ve believed this person. They don’t understand that it’s normal to believe people. It’s not at all in their awareness that evil people exist even if they didn’t like the person we just broke up with.

We try to explain. What comes back eventually or immediately from others is most commonly along the lines of, You gotta admit, you made a bad choice. The response of friends and family blasts us with another shock, another punch in the gut.

We explain again, It wasn’t like that, it’s just not a regular break-up… this is more than that! We see a silent sideways glance and a look between or between our friends or our coworkers or our parents for the 500th time. Another punch in the gut and still, we want to explain, again…

Friends and Family Can’t Take It

Try to stop explaining it to others. No matter how profound and accurate about these beasts what you discover is, it’s exhausting. Keep in mind that no matter what, there’s no need to explain ourselves to anyone. There’s no call ever to defend yourself to those who don’t understand.

Sad to say, but our explaining can take us to more loss, rather than support. After landing on more explanations for the behavior and more discoveries about what they’ve done we want to tell our friends. Instead, we look up and see that after about three months of this that our friends, even the best of our besties, have vacated the premises.

And – truth be told, nothing, none of those partial answers or standard explanations has stopped the room from spinning or eased the pain. We notice one of these sad days, that our pants are sliding down, and we weigh about 20-pounds less than we used to.

Post-Trauma Sits Down With Us and Stays Awake All Night With Us

In post-trauma, part of us is floating somewhere off to the right side of our head, another part of us is heavy in our gut, another part is aware of movements all around us… like thinking he’s about to show up around the corner.

It could be, that we barely notice the exodus of our friends, or weep when we notice, but really, we’re too busy trying to figure out what happened and why we’re in a ball on the floor, and can’t seem to even do the laundry.

We’re Hit Hard in Every Realm

We suffer emotional confusion, anxiety, fear… And possibly face real physical danger. We’re hit hard financially, and all but collapsed under the two-ton truck sucker-punch to the heart, body, mind, and soul. No one can begin to understand what this was or why we stayed unless they’ve been in it too. – And even then, real understanding is eluisve.

It seems the inevitable and unavoidable post-trauma has set up camp in our lives and is here to stay. The good news is: this is not the new us. How we’re feeling is normal; normal and not permanent: if we take in the information and new perspectives that answer every question, and can resolve every loss.

One thing we know for sure: No one understands as we do battle in breaking up with evil. Even we didn’t and don’t understand… That’s why we got online and that’s what led us here, to this page. Finally, we’ve found a place where this is understood, and the pathway to restoring your life. All those questions, all those replays hold the answer when we find the keys to unlock them.

Everything you’re feeling is normal and healing is possible.

Self Doubt, Doubt in Every Corner Knocks us Back

Most of us shiver in vacillating doubt of everything we think and feel. Most of all, we’re wondering if maybe we’re wrong and maybe after all they are the amazing people we first thought they were and that all this is in our head. Or, worse yet thoughts that we’re the problem, that we’re the evil.

Who feels like they’re going mad? Loosing our mind..? Broken? Did every hand in the dark, reading this in bed go up? There’s nothing wrong with you… This is exactly how you would feel right now. Everything you’re feeling is normal. And not permanent.

We’re solely occupied with replaying the scenes and conversations with them. Rewinds and reviews of even those moments we thought of as “fun” cycle on repeat… Because we must know what that confusion, the head-spinning upheavals, and the gut-punch actually meant.

The Room Stops Spinning When We Understand

Your body is doing what it needs to do… We need to replay what happened until we find the answers. Believing we’re ruminating or obsessing blinds the truth. This incorrect judgement sends us further into trouble and away from healing. These memories are the natural healing process; the body is searching for answers our friends don’t have, and neither do we, yet.

Our body is replaying the scenes and conversations so that we can translate them to truth. When we plug in the accurate information as a replay runs through our mind, we find truth! We can heal from truth- not from confusion. We do not heal from false ideas about how this happened. Healing can’t be found in misinformation or misconceptions about what a “narcissist” is doing and why. And there are plenty of misconceptions out there.

Trust that your mind and body are doing what they do- post trauma- in search of answers. When we see the replay through the accurate information, answers will seem to fall from the sky. And oh my goodness: That particular replay stops!

The largest piece of this accurate information is found in removing mistaken beliefs and ideas of what this is, why it happens and how these predatory parasites think one by one, and replacing them with the reality of how a pathological parasitic predator truly thinks. We look at the memory in the way they see the world and it vanishes… Things are solved and resolved. We come back to ourselves bit by bit.

Knowing How Parasitic Predators Truly Think Ends the Madness

These vivid and haunting images and revamps with new endings of a happier ending (if only we’d done something differently), is an effort by the body to find answers. Please know, this is normal, and this will continue until we get real answers.

Talking about it, and seeking reasons that make sense is a necessary piece to unwinding the madness. Each of us is spinning, retching, crying, confused, panicked, maybe scared out of our minds. Frantically, we’re wondering if we are losing it and if all this isn’t our fault.

All of this is normal under the circumstances. How many of you are doubting your selves? – That’s normal too. Please don’t acquiesce in shame under the popular opinion that we allowed this. Please, don’t stop until you get answers that make real sense, and honor you.

There Are Answers: The Most Healing Answers of All

The thing is, if we keep looking at it purely from our emotional pain, we might not see the answers. We’ll want something to crack the mystery of the crazy… new information that plugs into our replay to reveal the pure and simple truth of what happened and why.

There’s more to this than gaslighting. Hoovering happens, or doesn’t happen for a very specific reason. Deflection, projection, and the silent treatment are not random nor what they seem. Every piece of this has two combined paradoxical and very simple explanations; a hideous one, and a gorgeous one. Those are the only two sides to the breakup.

The fact is, getting to this new point of knowing the answers and certainty of them and the why is full healing, but it’s a long walk from here to there. We need someone to talk to. There are answers. Real answers that leave us whole again, all of them, right here.

Discovery and Awakening

For most of us, breaking up with evil is a solo journey. The impending isolation and alone-ness are colossal on one hand, yet we’re among hundreds-of-thousands who’ve gone through this, and are part of a mass awakening: an awakening to the brutal depths of the sinister-side of humanity; we’re advancing all together, and alone as we evolve as humans.

Together, yet as individuals. Interconnected and interdependent and each on our own. There’s a collective transformation of consciousness underway, and we’re leading as the advance guard, as pioneers. So, no, everyone won’t understand, but we must; we must have answers.

Together We Understand, Heal, and Make Change

In breaking up with evil, others from the outside looking in, might think we’re only breaking up with some really “toxic” bad guy or really awful woman… and have lost our minds, or should have known better… Think again world, because that’s no kind of answer; that’s founded in grave misunderstanding and missed opportunity.

What if instead, as we pull ourselves out of the depths of despair and hell in the aftermath, we’re on the threshold of a new discovery? As if a part of the team that discovered the earth was round rather than flat? What if we’re part of a human revolution to avert the world from crumbling under self-absorbed destruction, and toward a unified realization that we’re of infinite value; that we each create our lives, and can make love-not-war, peace and joy, and happiness for all a reality?

Believe it… We’re doing something big here. By finding the real answers behind these sickening traumas, we’re effecting paradigm shifts that will redirect the trajectory of our own lives, and of all humanity. – As I see it, we’re each a part of a much larger situation. We’re each of us who’ve been through this on a mission together, and together, we’re not alone.

So, keep looking, turn it over and over. Please keep asking questions and looking for answers that slow and then stop the merry-go-round in our heads. Go beyond the “narcissist” lies, betrays, gaslights, hoovers, destroys…Add the real information and truth about this phenomenon, incorporate and embed their actual limited thinking to realign the view of ourselves with compassion and facts about what normal is and we’re on the way. –I can help with this.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. All Rights Reserved In Perpetuity 2014 © All Rights Reserved.

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