How to Avoid a Narcissist

What happened? Are we narcissist-magnets?
Do we attract these parasitic predators?
The truth is, it isn’t our “fault”.
We can avoid a narcissist.

How to avoid a narcissist… Firstly, those of us who know how to recognize a predatory parasite are as close to immune to being entrapped as a normal human can be. Knowledge leads to being able to avoid a narcissist. And, by “narcissist”, we mean a parasitic predator.

If you’re here because you’re getting away from one of these beasts, it’s common to feel it was your fault. If you’re fortunate in that you haven’t been sucked in by one, it’s easy to decide that someone who is sucked in is at fault.

All around us, we find messaging and even might believe that falling under the spell of a pathological parasitic predator- a narcissist, is our fault. A little knowledge goes a long way in avoiding a narcissist, and a great place to start is understanding that it isn’t our fault.

It’s a challenge to shake off the feeling or belief that if you weren’t able to avoid a narcissist, it’s your fault. It’s common (and natural) to feel stupid, like an idiot, and a loser with a broken picker. Or- that it happened because we’re “too something”.

Too nice, too naive, too kind, too gullible, too giving, a people-pleaser. Announcement: This is the same as telling a woman she was raped because she smiles too much.

The truth is, a narcissist- a sociopath, psychopath, con man or woman, con artist, scammer, parasitic predator-whatever you’re calling them, doesn’t mind who someone is. They take whatever they can. Their need to suck people in has absolutely nothing to do with us as individuals. It has everything to do with what they are – So, how do we avoid the next narcissist?

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Steps To Avoid a “Narcissist”

Be open and willing to accept that they exist
Gain a full fundamental rock-solid comprehension of what they are
Recognize, acknowledge and trust the signal from our bodies when we encounter one
Exit the scene without delay
Make it impossible for them to reach or connect with us

Avoid a Parasitic Predator: They Really Exist

To avoid a parasitic predator (sociopath, narcissist…), we first need to be willing to accept that people of coercive control: Pathological users, liars, people who want your stuff at any cost… pathological parasitic predators- exist. Then, take in an accurate, no-holds-barred understanding of what that means.

This allows us to understand that being drawn in under their influence isn’t a “fault” on our part. We need to understand what they are, and know how and why the alchemy of them-and-us is bad, bad, bad news. If you’ve had this nightmare in your life, knowing this is key to fully recovering your life.

We can learn to sort the nuts from the normal before their venomous coercive control takes us over. We begin this by learning what to watch out for within ourselves… By observing, registering, respecting, and listening to the emotions, feelings, and thoughts that zip and swirl through us when we meet a parasitic predator.

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Fundamentals for Rock Solid Skills to Avoid a Narcissist

To go deep enough into knowing what they are, we can start with terminology that gets to the root of it all. There’s a lot of language out there coined and put into use to talk about this kind of life-jacking. I prefer, and use these bare-bones terms that take us down to the meaning of what theses creatures are.

Prey: Prey are people who are sucked in by the narcissist; pulled in under the spell of the parasitic predator.

Parasitic Predator: Often, a parasitic predator is referred to as a “narcissist”… too often, and with many misconceptions. The parasitic predator is “pathological”, which means that their behavior is determined by a condition, in this case, a specifically abnormal brain.

Coercive Control: Coercive control is the element of influence that pulls prey under the spell of the pathological parasitic predator and leads the prey to alter their own behavior to favor the parasitic predator and their needs and desires.

Avoid a Narcissist: Our Bodies Know

As prey, we have some specific and vivid feelings and inclinations toward the predator. If you’re feeling any of these things when meeting someone new, run, because you’ve just encountered a “narcissist”. You have met a pathological parasitic predator who can only hijack and destroy your life.

If you feel or do any of this, even one of these things… exit the scene immediately.

We absolutely cannot believe we met someone so amazing; it’s beyond anything
This person is more amazing than we ever imagined a person could be
We feel lifted off the ground, in a giddy state of mind like we’ve won the lottery
Sexual feelings and stirrings toward them take over our body
In some cases, we’re not into them, then suddenly, a few weeks later, we’re consumed
We can’t understand why or how it is that there are people who don’t like this person
We urgently want to make sure this is a committed relationship immediately
We feel like we might never see them again if we don’t pin this down
Feelings of panic arise at the idea of not seeing them ever again
We set aside or let go of our own interests and day-to-day to spend time with them
We push away nagging feelings of being off-kilter, or out of balance
Override our values or normal cautions to be with them or do something for them
Surprisingly, we feel embarrassed to tell our friends or family about them

We feel all this exaggerated soup…

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We’re So Excited: Life is Like a Movie

In my own head one early day running errands for the maniac I’d married, the cliched idea that I was “living a movie” literally floated up into my mind. Encountering and being drawn in by a parasitic predator, causes “normal” to overturn. In an escalated, hyped-up way, we feel they’re a perfect fit with us, that they enhance our lives to a degree we could never have imagined. – The truth is the “movie” is a nightmare that plays out in colossal proportions.

A predator has an uncanny power of influence. It’s surprising to anyone around us, and often to ourselves, but people of coercive control induce us by their presence to magically shift our lives. We overturn our own lives to meet their needs.

It isn’t that people of coercive control directly ask people to give up their beliefs or their kids, or even directly ask to move into our place… It happens seemingly, and actually, many times on its own. We have fallen into a kind of trance that pulls this out of our own lives. – They do applaud this, and take pride in their effect on us, though they don’t really understand it.

A Narcissist Brings Changes Inside of Us

We change for them, make changes for them. We “activate” in support of their life. It’s a nearly indefinable feeling, but something emanates from them, like an invisible penetrating smoke or an electric jolt that elicits intense emotions about them from us that are exhilarating, jarring, and frankly, unreasonable. – It happens in seconds.

Under the effect of a parasitic predator, there’s a shift in us. We think about accommodating them. Accommodating them takes over as a paramount anxious concern, a worry. Unfortunately, in the beginning, we’re reading this as excitement.

Within moments and hours of meeting them, the shift has us thinking and doing things we never would otherwise. This is how they end up moving in seven days after meeting them. – And in the aftermath, when we break away, all that early-days moive-like excitement (maybe rollicking amazing sex) scuttles right into PTSD and hell.

Spot the “Narcissist”

Right away, we can “see them” – feel them- for what they are. Become aware of our response to them. If internally we feel “over the top” about them, we’re in hot water. A normal, positive attraction to someone is exciting, but with a parasitic predator, it feels more like we’ve been invaded.

We shift much about our life, we begin to make decisions based on what we think they think, or what we imagine as our upcoming life with them. Making huge life changes based on the wild emotions stirred by a total stranger always, always, always means we’ve been sucked in by a parasitic predator.

Take time to register and read how your body feels. Are there signals from your body that your mind might be overriding? Notice if you feel anxiety underneath the excitement, a kind of uneasiness that disrupts you, and if so, back off. Let it go. Step away. – This is very much the wrong person.

Block, Block, and Block the “Narcissist”

If you’ve already given them your phone number, immediately block them as you’re walking out the door. Block them on all social media, in emails and absolutely every where.

Please, take protecting your life seriously. This is much more than “blocking” them. This is making a stand for your life. It’s making a cause for our future. A future that is free of these predators in every way.

There are answers to it all.

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It Takes Time to Know Someone

In general, when we first meet someone, it’s good to monitor how often we see them so we can have the time to process our feelings and ideas about them. If people you know and trust, and who care about us are doubtful about this person, take in what they say. – Believe them.

As best we can, keep up with our goals, studies, and social things with our friends and family who support us. Hold onto ourselves, and the things we love to do. If one day doesn’t go as well as we’d hoped, begin again the next day, even the next hour or minute. – Please, don’t compromise yourself for anyone. Ever.

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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