Tag Archives: do i attract sociopaths

Am I a Sociopath Magnet?

Normal Fills the Bill Just Right

So, what is it that brings them sniffing around…? Sociopaths need normal people; people who do what normal people do when they’re in love and believe they’re in a relationship with another regular, normal person.

sociopath magnet attract con man users narcissists

The thing is these, users need people who: Love, give, believe in relationships, and make efforts to build a relationship. People who are up for a compromise rather than an argument. People who trust. Gorgeous normal souls who are magnanimous as well as monogamous.

The predator can sense Individuals who are responsible and these other characteristics: A sense of adventure, those who’ve experienced loss, have had disappointments, have successes, are genuine, and real, and who stay when the going gets rough because that’s what normal does. Sociopaths need us. Not the other way around. So are we a sociopath magnet…? Or human…?

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Many Misconceptions Float Around About How This Happens

Here Are Some of The Inaccurate Ideas About How This Happens

That we’re plagued by low self esteem
We’re codependent
We allowed it
They’ve been enabled by us
We’re stupid

Sociopath Magnet: Do Sociopaths Look for People with Low Self-Esteem?

This is the same principle as in a world where rape victims are blamed for being raped because they’re pretty, or they smile, or they wear a sexy dress, or they breathe while being female.

No, they do not “look for” people with low self-esteem… They need us to hold up their lives. Sociopaths do not look for people with low self-esteem. These weaklings look for strong people, not weak people. It’s an absolute fact that being preyed upon by con men, user sociopath can cause people to end up feeling incredibly weak and low and without a doubt experiencing trauma and a very specific PTSD that requires specific healing.

And, yes, that feeling is part of why people “stay.” And sometimes that feeling remains within someone’s life for a very long time. In no way does feeling low give any monster permission to use, deceive, and defraud us.

Are We Co-Dependent: Is That Why They Use Us?

Nope. That’s not it either. I’ve got one thing to say about that: They are the dependent ones. They are the ones with zero boundaries. There is nothing about us that gives anyone permission or the right to deceive us, lie to us, steal from us, and worse. Nothing about us invites them or allows them to use our lives for their own devious purposes.

Anyone can be duped by these monsters. I’ve done recovery sessions with people who’ve been seduced and sucked into true love scams who are Licensed social workers, police officers, an immigration attorney who got ensnared into marriage for a green card by a sociopath, mental health specialists, pastors, and psychologists. All of them, just like we were ensnared by a sociopath, scammer, narcopath, narcissist, narc – whatever you want to call them, monster.

That Old Chestnut: Women Blamed For Being Used

Blaming the target of a crime, masquerading as a relationship, is ridiculously common; especially if that target was a woman the blame falls at her feet. This harkens back to the dark ages, which it seems, unfortunately, is apparently still the era we’re in.

The very idea of a “sociopath magnet” implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the predators actions and our subsequent fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.

This is the same principle as in a world where rape victims are blamed for being raped because they’re pretty, or they smile, or they wear a sexy dress, or they breathe while being female.

This thinking echos tales in classic literature like, “Tess of the d’Ubervilles“, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame“, and “The Scarlet Letter” in which the woman is to blame for the nasty things bad men do.

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And, Yes, There Are Female Sociopaths

When using the word narcissist, if that person is a user, a conman, a person who lives by deceiving others, a scammer, a scumbag – that’s a sociopath. They are male or female. And still, there’s nothing we do to attract them aside from having a pulse and being normal.

Not only are we misunderstood in this nightmare, but so are the fundamental intent and motivation of the predator. It’s often said what they want is “control”… What is that?

Remember they’re looking for personal gain and survival. They’re looking for a place to sleep, a car, money, a respectability facade, someone to rape maybe. Control? To control what? To get what? Credit cards, addresses, food, a couch, a shower, the internet, access to countries, a place to hide out… They’re motivated to gain immediate and fundamental survival needs.

Are We Enabling the Predatory Sociopath?

When someone says something mean we take it to heart by way of a natural chemical response in our bodies. In other words: we don’t react the way we do because we’re codependent, enablers. We react the way we do because we’re human.

This is a very common concept and something many of us believe, or the people around us believe. Here’s teething though: they are a sociopath. They will be one with or without us. There’s nothing about us that gives anyone permission or the right to deceive us, lie, steal, and worse.

Nothing about us gives anyone permission, or invites them, or allows or enables them to do this anymore than having a car gives someone permission to steal it or enables them to take it. And if they do take our car, in no way is it our fault.

Taking things from people is universally recognized by anyone, anywhere, in any culture, and in any country on the planet as a crime.

Therapists Can Have it Wrong

You’ll read many articles here and there on Psychology Today, calling them a “narcissist” and stating that this is your fault: that you need to reexamine what you’ll accept in a relationship or your “relationship standards”: THEY ARE WRONG. Wrong. Plain wrong. Here’s why…

Therapists are not trained in what this really is. – This is newly discovered and you are a part of that discovery. Trust that you, as prey of a predator who lived this surreal bizarre nightmare – likely already know far more about what this is than any therapist you could find.

There is no textbook that talks about the reality of this entrapment and the hell we go through under their spell. The therapy paradigm: the job of being a therapist is also off. kilter to support you. It is this: you as the person who entered their office (or Zoom) are ow this patient/client and it is their job to identify what is “wrong” with you and to “fix” it. – One problem with this is: There is nothing wrong with you.

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Stupid…? The Parasitic Predator: Yes, Us: No

A sociopath does not hijack someone’s life to make use of them because that person is stupid. The predator looks for capable people. After all, they need to make use of us to hold up their life.

The sociopath themselves is quite aware: these are not relationships: they are crimes.

Sociopath Magnet? Phhhhfft

We are not the ones responsible for their inhumane and demon-like behavior. The very idea of a sociopath magnet implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.

Being blamed for trusting a man we later discover deceived us is more trauma. Targets too often are blamed by people we turn to for support: spiritual leaders, family, community leaders, and authorities who say they’re there to “protect and serve”. We’re looked at as if it’s our fault, especially the more emotional we are in the moment of reporting.

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Emotions and Reactions to Being Used and Deceived are Legit

A response in the way of “feelings” is normal for normal humans. When someone says something mean we take it to heart by way of a natural chemical response in our bodies. In other words: we don’t react the way we do because we’re codependent, enablers. We react the way we do because we’re human.

Do we still believe the earth is flat? Of course not. All theories, discoveries, and insights evolve. This information about the reality of the human race evolving. Let’s step it up. Have the confidence to declare what we know. We’re grown folk. We can do it. After all, a tiny child pointed out that the Emperor wore no clothes.

Sociopaths, Narcissists, Con Men, Pathological Users, Narcs, Narcopaths Can Only Be What They Are

As hard as that is to take in, it’s true: There are monsters walking among us. These monsters depend on regular people. Being a regular person is all it takes for a sociopath to aim their bait at us, the constant and persistent contact some call love bombing. Sociopaths do this all day long: it’s all they can do.

A sociopath – and maybe you’re using the word narcissist – needs credibility, so normal people trust them for one reason and one reason only: so they can take whatever they need and want.

A defrauding, abnormal-brained con man can’t not be what they are! They need normal, good people to trust them in order to: give them credibility, and seeming normalcy so normal people trust them.

So they can take and use those who trust them and then walk away as it wears thins and falls through. They know this day will arrive and live in fear of it, and more fear of what will occur in the aftermath. – Believe it or not, they fear us.

No One Can Recognize a Red Flag Waving for Something We Don’t Know Exists

No one can know these monsters exist until they know. And yes, those targeted by them trust them, believe them, and feel that they love them. In actuality, this isn’t love that we feel… we believe it is, we call it this, we yearn with it.

In truth, we just don’t have a word for what it is, other than maybe hypnotized or infused with venom that scrambles the soul.

The sociopath isn’t who they say they are – it takes time to discover this. We’ve been seduced and mesmerized – and if you don’t believe this can happen – just tell that to Madison Avenue and the whole basis for the world economy.

We’re seduced daily by advertising, magazines, reality shows into spending thousands of dollars on iPhones, Lexus, and undergoing surgeries for Kardashian-like-lips.

Nobody is Stupid Here

A woman or man trusting, investing emotionally, and believing that the person standing in front of them, who they share meals with, a bed with, a life with, truly loves them… That’s normal. Not stupid. It isn’t enabling.

We’re normal whole humans and have every right to be exactly what and who we are. Here’s what’s absurd and not okay in the slightest: Blaming regular people who didn’t know these dirt-bags existed for that monster in disguise not being trustworthy, and for being a criminal and a deceiver and for harming them.

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If We’re Alive and Breathing: We’re Prey

If we’re human sociopaths, con artists, users look at us as prey. If we’re breathing we’re a likely target, until we know the truth of what they are.

And more… These great human qualities of trust and kindness, of sticking in with people we love even when times are tough are why humankind still exists on this planet.

They’re innate and remarkable, essentially involuntary traits; they’re so second nature we notice our trust and interconnectedness less than we notice our own heartbeat or breath going in and out. Our beautiful human essence, our humanity is taken for granted.

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These are Crimes of Deception: They Commit the Crime: Not Us

In these crimes these awesome, normal, human hard-wired characteristics of trust, believing in love, bonding more in a crisis, even when our loved one is the source of the crisis are branded as a weakness and a fault. The blame for the sociopath’s invasion is laid at our feet. Is this right…? Is this fair…?

No one can help anyone going through this if their beliefs and thoughts about this phenomenon are that it was their fault for being used and hijacked and deceived. That’s so much B.S. That’s the old blame-the-woman-who-got-raped angle rather than the laying responsibility at the feet of the rapist. Please, do not perpetuate or buy into this nonsense.

“When highly praised by others there’s no hardship one cannot bear. Such is the courage that springs from words of praise… When praised one does not consider one’s personal risk and when criticized one can recklessly cause one’s own ruin. Such is the way of common mortals.” ~ Nichiren Daishonin, The True Aspect of All Phenomena

Take No Responsibility for a Sociopath’s Inhumanity

A sociopath is a sociopath is a sociopath. We didn’t make them. We don’t let them. They’re going to remain sociopaths no matter what we do or don’t do. There is no sociopath on earth that heeds any boundary.

Take responsibility for learning what they are, for realizing by contrast how amazing we are, and for our full recovery. When we know sociopaths exist, and what that really means we can forever sidestep them.

Here’s the truth: We’re all possible prey of these beasts as long as we’re human. Sociopaths – antisocial psychopaths, are responsible for these fake relationships that are truly crimes, not the people they target.

Someday Recognizing a Sociopath Will Be a Skill We All Have

The day will come when enough people gain this skill and discerning wisdom, the destruction and ruin sociopaths make will be lessened. As we get stronger in our humanity, their dark influence diminishes.

This increase in humanity gives their existence the only value I can imagine it to have. There’s nothing more evil in the world than at any time in history. It has simply risen to the surface for all to see.

We want to be sure to remain human and humane. Stand up for goodness, humanity, and kindness. Demand it. Be it. We are awesome.

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Why Do We Fall for Sociopaths?

Anamilistic Parasitic Predator by Nature

What is a sociopath and a narcissist? Why do we fall fo rhyme?

Antisocial psychopaths are animalistic in the worst sense. Their “beast” life force pulls on normal humans at a primal bone-marrow level. – If the timing is right – or wrong let’s say – we’re snagged whole in one breath.

The “charm”, diffidence, humility, and “manners” lure us to the sociopath as we value these attributes. The flattery, lending a hand, giving, offering… are nothing more than bait.

In the early days, they can narrow in on us, with a steady gaze and, hang on to our every word. They look deeply into your face, and oddly off to the distance at the same time. Remembering it now I see it as a wild animal hunched in the tall grass scanning the horizon for dinner. Intent, and focused on us, but not in the room for the same reason we are.

The World of the Sociopath is Another Universe from Ours

Sociopaths function from an abnormal brain. In essence, they have the brains of reptiles while we have the brains of puppies. Regions of the sociopath’s brain are under-functioning. To be exact these regions do not function at all. This black-out, blank spot in their minds is where love ought to be. Where caring lives in us. This blacked-out bit of brain matter is the source of their antisocial behavior, thinking, and violence. This is sociopathy…more precisely: psychopathy.

This bit of nonexistent brain can be seen in brain scans. Science is breaking through on this front to the point that the legal system may incorporate limited use of brain imaging scans in court decisions. Every human on the planet is equally a potential target and prey to a sociopath. They’re wired this way… For the sociopath, having a number of simultaneous prey is a matter of life and death.

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Lies are Normal to a Sociopath: They See Lies as Real and Real as Made Up

Sociopaths, that is, antisocial psychopaths, feel the efforts they make for their survival are their right. They truly believe that the inevitable fallout that tears apart the lives of their prey, is something the prey deserve. Normal people are despised by sociopaths, we’re thought of as revolting wimps for having and for living by our emotions.

Lying, the sociopath’s most insidious trait brings disunity and ruin. We wonder if sociopaths “believe” their lies. They do. And they don’t IN their bizarre world real is made up and lies are real. Lying is not a betrayal from their point of view: There is nothing to betray! They are not in a relationship. Plus: they are wired to believe that they can do anything they want to do to anyone and it’s fine. That everything belongs to them.

From their twisted world of destruction lying is normal. Their world is lies. We, on the other hand, believe the sociopath’s lie because embedded within our fundamental wiring is trust.

Pathological Predator, Sociopaths Believe Lies: Even Ours

We can lie to a sociopath and they act from the lie as if it were a truth. In a sense, in their village in hell, there’s no such thing as a lie… we interpret this as the sociopath “believing their own lies.”

There’s more to it than that… Sociopaths know they lie, but they don’t consider it a lie. There’s no discernment or separation between fact and fiction because to a sociopath lies are reality… and reality is made up. Reality changes with each new lie. At any moment. And yet, every lie is true. – That is the circus going on in their heads. They live in an entirely different reality than we do and cannot comprehend ours.

It’s Hard to See What’s Real: We Can and We Will

If we can step up and into wrapping our heads around that and we find deeper freedom from their influence. You can begin to see how impersonal these attacks are. It has nothing to do with us specifically: other than we’re alive and breathing and wholly normal humans.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t let anyone tell you this happened because of anything about you. And don’t let yourself do that either. We are not responsible for the sociopath’s inhumanity.

It isn’t that we attract sociopaths. It’s not that we’re co-dependent. We aren’t reeled in because we had bad parents or tough childhoods – even if we did. We get to be who we are.

There’s Nothing About Us that Attracts a Sociopath Aside From Being Normal

They are the antithesis of us. The polar opposite; so far apart it can’t be imagined. . Light years apart. In parallel universes. They live as parasites. Solo, marauding predators. This is the way they are wired.

We’re innately wired to trust, give, unify, make families and groups, build relationships, try, stay, and “fix”. We don’t expect lies. This is how we’re wired by nature…And it’s a gorgeous wiring job!! We get to be who and what we are. By nature we care, connect, trust, bond, bud friendships, relationships, families, communities… This is our natural survival.

Cognitive Dissonance vs. Cognitive Harmony

We’re wired to make sense of anything that doesn’t make sense… “Cognitive dissonance” hits us like a ton of brinks at the odd things they say or do. We must live in cognitive harmony. This is why we “rationalize” or make reasons in our minds for things they say or do.

But – since we don’t have the actual truth of their motivation to balance the dissonance, we use our normal human reasoning and paint in emotional reasons that come from our life palette: we don’t know the reasons that exist in the minds of these pathological creatures. So, we stay off-kilter. This is a part of the trauma.

The Hijacking Into Hell

At its most elemental level, being targeted and hijacked by a sociopath has nothing to do with anything in our lives personally as individuals other than the fact that we’re limbic-brained normal humans. If being human is “wrong, then I don’t want to be “right.”

Every human has fragility…Doubts, fears, and vulnerability as well as strengths and dreams and hopes, and love. You might call it our humanity. This can be tapped by a pathological predatory parasite as if being handed to them on a plate when we believe they’re a normal human being standing in front of us.

Know This: Any person can be scammed by a life-hijacking antisocial psychopath. If we’ve been through it, fully comprehend what happened and fully recovered we have rendered and forged ourselves into limbic brained normal humans who are now sociopath proof. If someone has been through this, but has been misinformed and badly, inaccurately supported out of the hell they are not recovered and they’re susceptible to another sociopath invasion – likely in the very next true love that crosses their path. – Unless you’ve gone through this hell and lived to tell about it – there’s no way to understand it.

Thinking We Found Something Good

There’s nothing “wrong with us” that led to a sociopath invasion other than we’re human and had no idea such monsters existed, or what they look like, what they do, say, want, and need.

We enter into what we believe is real. Real love, or a real business, or the combination of love and business together. We think we’ve found a really special kind of belonging. Getting a fresh start. Embarking on a new adventure. A life. with “the one”, a soulmate, a partner. These are things absolutely every human desires. These desires and expectations are what life is made of.

We’re Normal: Normal is Good, Kind, and Giving and has Emotions

Hooked in and winding down the path of our future with a sociopath we behave as normal humans in a normal relationship or partnership, but – there’s another parallel thread, another reality running underneath and alongside our normal world when we’re paired up with a socio-freak.

The trouble starts; sociopaths come as a bag of chaos. They have things that need to be “fixed”, problems as long as our arms with a co-worker, an old boss, an old roommate, or a neighbor. Someone is wanting money from them that they say they don’t owe. Someone suddenly fired them for no reason. On, and on, and on…

We as normal humans, do our best to manage it – we think we’re tackling it together. It takes time to see that there isn’t much “together” happening and that this person we love (?) isn’t participating in conflict resolution, solutions, progress, or developing what we have, but is… could it be possible… they are the problem…?

Here’s the Thing: A normal human’s “go-to” is to take responsibility and to dive-in to resolving the things that are out of balance, or painful in the relationship we believe is real. – There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s everything right with us.

It’s Normal to Try, to Stay, to Fix: Leaving is What Normal Does Last

This compulsion to hang in there, to “fix,” to work it out is why humans still exist on planet earth. It’s how we create and thrive as families and communities. Imagine if we were to give up on loved ones at the first sign of trouble.

Trauma bonding is normal; it’s human survival mode, wired into our DNA. It’s a mode of survival that occurs when we’re in love with a normal person as well, or when a family member is in crisis. It is human and good.

Imagine if we tossed away our kids if we caught them in a lie about where they were after school or if the dog ate their homework. Imagine if we walked away from our husbands and wives if they lost their job, lost a parent to illness, or became ill themselves. Staying, working on it, and resolving is what humans do.

Side Note: Personally… I wasn’t love-bombed, I wasn’t praised, I wasn’t flattered, there was none of that going on to be so-called “addicted” too. Yet, I met and married him in seven-days time. By day three of knowing him a wave of panic washed over me – I felt I couldn’t live without him. This sensation shocked me to the roof and confused me — as I felt it. So… what is it? Here’s what I think: sociopaths have an uncanny, power of influence related to the primal level they exist from. They have the power, the effect of something wild, and riveting – like a lion we make eye contact with suddenly, unexpectedly on the lions home territory. We’re shocked we’re there. How’d we get in the lion’s back yard? We can’t look away. Something deep inside is grabbed and hooked. Primal. Raw. Sociopaths live from a life-and-death survival place that’s activated in us; we don’t recognize the feeling. We’ve never needed to use this part of ourselves… We need to call it something, that’s normal and human, though we’re stumped. We can’t call it something we don’t know exists, and we don’t recognize it as fear… We decide it’s “love” because love is all we know, we don’t know monsters and this deception adn parasitic madness exists – and certainly, we don’t know how to recognize that happening within us.

Know There is Nothing “Wrong” with Us

When in these circumstances with a sociopath we see strange behavior, we see them take too much and give nothing and we see no changes.

And then when we see enough to see that this is not normal and is nothing we can recognize even within normal-but-not-going-well… we go – or get them out. – There’s nothing wrong with us. It takes as long as it takes.

Do not allow anyone to take this gorgeous, human innate trait and twist it to blame us for these hijackings. Know the significance of this kind of remark: “Why did you stay?” And, “You must be co-dependent and have low self-esteem.” And, “How did you let that happen?!”

There Are People Who Just Won’t Understand

People with this response to our ride in hell are filled with misconceptions of humans and human behavior that have been the paradigm of psychotherapy, counseling, and our culture for years now.

They’re out of step, flat-out wrong, and incorrect in general in regard to any relationship counseling. And 100% inaccurate and harmful and the cause of more trauma in the aftermath of a life-jacking sociopath.

Wrap Ourselves in Compassion

Put the benefit of the doubt towards ourselves. Embrace our lives. Enfold ourselves in compassion. Appreciate the gorgeous loving, trusting qualities pulsing in our DNA. Value our humanity.

Increase and deepen our interconnectedness and interdependence as living beings sharing this planet. Let this newfound knowledge of the possibility in life for both evil and great good inspire us to seek how to manifest and expand our own true and pure good. We are awesome.

Courage is the force that makes our lives brilliant. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

A tune from my sweet friend, Ada Pasternak, “Hope” – on Sound Cloud

I’ve been down and out. Filled with doubt.
Had this little heart of mine kicked around.
On the sunniest day the sky can seem gray.
All of these battles they’ve made me fierce.
Crying doesn’t make me weak;
it’s my soul just trying to speak.

… believe that tomorrow will hold a silver lining to all of the sorrow.

~ Hope, Ada Pasternak