Sociopaths know the end is coming.
Before it hits they need to position themselves
to come out smelling like roses.
It doesn’t work. They smell like poop. Always.
They aren’t what we think they are.
The sociopath is obsessed with making sure no one ever catches on to just how heinous they are. Looking like the victim and the “good guy” are their ploy to that end. They go to great lengths to conjure themselves into the role of “victim” in the eyes of their “fans” and other prey in order to keep empathy falling into their slimy laps so they can keep taking and using and getting away with it. It’s smoke and mirrors.
Smearing is a special brand of Hoovering. If we respond, they still have us.
Love-bombing, complimenting, adoring, insulting, Hoovering, smearing.
It’s all bait – our emotions hook us.
The entire ride with them is nothing but “bait and hook.”
Sociopaths Need People To Think They’re “Good,” the Hero, the Victim
Sociopaths want people to think they’re “Good-Guys” It’s easier to pull a rabbit out of a hat than to make people truly and consistently believe any sociopath is a good-guy or gal. Nevertheless, they try. They’re compelled to for their survival.
Everything a sociopath says or does is for their survival. Antisocial psychopaths function from a limited range of cognition with no emotional intelligence due to their abnormal brains. Their focus is on getting people to trust them, like them, getting in quick and hitting it hard. and making sure they look innocent when the thing falls apart. – They’re busy planting lies and stories about how wonderful they are — and how awful we are well before that last text, “I’m done.” or that whaling whine, “I’ve tried as hard as I can to make this work. I can’t live like this anymore,” as they exit the scene.
Why Do Sociopaths Smear Their Targets?
Whhhhhyyy?! Why do they need to talk so badly about us? We did everything! Gave everything…. we were incredible, the best boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband anyone could be and THiiiis thiiiisss is what we get?!!? – Yep.
Smearing is nothing more than more of the same from their limited bag of tricks.
The sociopaths only way to look good is to make others look bad.
Sociopaths need to preempt the truth about themselves before it walks in the door as often and as hard as they can. We’ve seen them do this many, many times while we were with them. It’s that story telling thing. It’s one of their basic (and only) tactics to keep themselves able to take more by hooking people’s trust and empathy.
We’ve witnessed “smearing” a zillion times while with the sociopath. In retrospect we shake our heads in disbelief as we clearly see – this was pretty much the only “conversation” they ever made. It was while we were entranced by them, wanting to make things work out and – well… it was about someone else so it didn’t seem so harsh. Remember the tale he told about the guy at work who pocketed the office’s petty cash and blamed it on him, so he got fired….? When really he was innocent and the other guy was a liar and a thief and a… you got it. That’s smearing.
Remember the one about the ex who cheated, was a drunk and used him for money? Well… that’s us now. Now we’re the story. – Someone has always got to be “the story” in a sociopath’s life. “Someone” has got to be the one who put them in the tight spot they’re in now so their new prey feels bad for them and lets them borrow money, move in, or whatever they need in support – because we’re the actual, real good guy.
These stories are not ever the truth. (Nothing they say is what we think it is or full truth.) The smear campaign is story telling. It’s the sociopaths most used tool. Story telling rampages serve three purposes:
1. To preempt the truth before people hear it, so when they do hear it they’re already firmly on the side of the sociopath.
2. To test the boundaries of the target in their hand. They talk about something someone did that’s “bad” to see if that bad thing is something we might be willing to join them in. It’s either distasteful, illegal, cruel, or an off-putting or intimidating sexual scenario. They toss out things to find our limit. They’re putting out feelers for our deal-breaker – that point where the ride would be over if they cross it.
3. To talk about themselves – something from their past or an event from the day or last week-end. Just as we like to do. — Only their stuff is so horrific and so not okay – they know they have to disguise it. These stories are when they talk about something if-y or down right terrible someone else did… but really they did it.
“This guy beat me up…” – Nope. The sociopath beat a guy up.
“My landlord wouldn’t give my deposit back he says I owe him $2,000…” – Nope. The sociopath owes a landlord $2,000.
“Her parents are racist, they wouldn’t let us get married…they warned me she’s a drunk…” – Nope. She didn’t want to marry him. She kicked him out and he’s now smearing her.
“Don’t talk to Linda. (Us, the “ex.”) She forged my signature on a check and emptied my bank account… I had to break-up with her.” – Nope. You know who forged and stole.
“She’s crazy.” He’s a liar.” She takes drugs.” “He beat me.” “She won’t let me see the kids.” – Nope. And Nope. And nope and nope. And nope.
Some stories are a combination of all three purposes. Most stories involve people and events from different points in their lives, woven and sloshed into a mish-mosh of B.S. for a larger more fantastical story. — Since sociopaths have no emotional intelligence, no emotional barometer they tend to lean into the dramatic. They don’t know when enough is enough since they’re devoid of the emotional sensibility of a normal, limbic brained person.
It’s “bait and hook” to keep us in their grips.
Smearing is a form of Hoovering – baiting.
If we respond we’re in. They can gauge our danger to them.
Are gonna expose them? Do we still love them? Will we be a passive fan?
Can they get more?
Defend Ourselves to No One
Sociopaths want us to look crazy. When we defend ourselves on social media posts, to friends of their friends, to their family… it supports their story. It makes them look like the good guy and the guy who tells the truth. – Don’t help them out with this. Zip it.
When we hop around trying to disprove what they say about us we stay in trauma, we don’t even begin recovery… because horror of horrors – we’re still in it. They still have us hooked. This is what they want. – Don’t give it to them.
Explain and defend ourselves to no one. If we challenge and try to speak up against every story we hear they’re telling about us not only will we look crazy – we’ll drive ourselves crazy doing it. Stay no contact. Block them. Keep tales of their stories away from our ears.
We Don’t Stay Their “Story” Forever
Eventually the sociopath stops and fades into the background. As the days roll by and we stay no contact, they’re sure we aren’t coming after them or sending people to break their knees or have them arrested or blow their cover to their wife or mom they lose interest in us. T
They have so many new prey and more recent “exes” than us. They spin new stories in which the key character isn’t us, but some other prey. This is what they do. – It isn’t about us. None of any of it was personal. None of it. – This is key to our recovery. — It’s all about them using the limited skills they’ve got for their miserable survival. And the delicious and ridiculous part is – their limited skills and tactics come back around to give them away and hang them for the very bad guys they truly are.
Let time perform its magic. The truth will out.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to Thrive!
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