Sociopaths are roaming pack-rats; bored nomads.
They roll like that stone, leaving a trail of pain and junk.
And sometimes perfectly-good junk.
If we’ve lived with one of these nut-bags we know: they arrive with very little, take and use and take, then… leave things behind. Useless piles for the most part: broken watch bands, old rumpled gum wrappers, a bent-up photo of some kid we’ve never seen or heard of before.
Wtf? What. The. F?
Toasters, cameras, gym shoes, old underwear. Porn collections, bras, an ankle bracelet, stacks of People magazine from the ’80’s, cords and cables, a tennis racket and a torn back pack. What’s this all about…?!
As usual, there’s not much going on but a sociopath being a sociopath.
Sociopaths have no emotional connection to humans or to things. They have no emotional nostalgia factor. Objects, like people only matter moment to moment for what they “offer” to the sociopath – importance or concern is directly in relation to the degree an object or a person improves their image or feeds their survival.
With the fear center of our brains deregulated from the trauma we’re in overdrive in the fear department – then combine that with not understanding how narcissistic sociopaths’ brains work and we might have their stuff for years after they go. – We fear they’ll come back for it and be mad it isn’t there… they’ll accuse us of stealing or take us to court or worse. – They won’t. The legal fact is: they left it behind. Its’ no longer theirs.
We all think about a ritual dance around burning flames, igniting their garbage in celebration of their absence and to cleanse their hideousness from our lives. There’s nothing wrong with burning it and dancing around the flames. I’m all for it!!
One of the women he was living with while married to me and I rejoiced!
We laughed and delighted over the fantasy of a blazing bonfire
of the absolute cr*p that represented his life.
But then, there it is… We’re normal people. It isn’t that we’re not “too nice”, but do have trouble selling, giving away or throwing someone else’s things away. At all times we’re responding like normal people in a very abnormal situation. The things are not important to sociopaths. They have no connection to anything or anyone emotionally beyond the moment that they think they need it because it fits their persona or makes them look good or will bring them a person, or a reputation once they steal it, acquire it, sometimes buy it – “use” it.
We may have lost a lot, but there are sometimes gains we can claim.
As normal people we like to be “constructive” rather than “destructive”. Sometimes they leave valuable, useful stuff: a laptop, audio equipment, a brand new phone still in the box, Faragamo shoes, a gold ring in the bottom of their moldering duffel bag. What do we do with the physical pile of rubble?
What to do With the Belongings a Sociopath Leaves at Our Place?
Option One: Let it sit there and make us sad.
As ridiculously painful as this is, it happens. We all know that, for heck sake. Hopefully this isn’t our choice because of sentimental feelings tugging our heart-strings over the life-stealing-scum-bucket. – Let it go. Now. These are things they left behind because they hold no meaning to the sociopath… and if it messes with us a little, so be it – they don’t mind that, and it’s a foot back in the door. Remove that wedge into our lives – toss the junk.
Option Two: Save it carefully for them.
And… we’re scared not to save it. What if they come back for it? What if they try to sue us for it..?
What if the sun turns green… It’s never going to happen. Sociopaths are notorious for leaving things behind everywhere they roam.
Get some really big heavy duty garbage bags
or old cardboard boxes ready.
Option Four: Throw it away immediately. It’s really okay to do this. – And it feels fantastic. Burn it. Dance around the flames. Drink champagne. Sing at the top of our lungs, “Free at last…”
Sociopaths Leave Things Behind Like a Dog Marking Territory
Option Five: Donate it. – We’re good people after all and one man’s junk… There are classic go-to’s for donating clothing, household goods, books, CD’s, DVD’s, even eye glasses.
Goodwill: An old standard. Search online to find a local drop off location. They employ mentally challenged people, training them in retail skills and life skills. Search their site to find where to take this stuff, give it a fresh start and renewed life as we do the same for ourselves.
Salvation Army: They make scheduled pick-ups of bulky items, or larger amounts of goods. Otherwise they have drop-off centers at their stores and kiosk locations. Salvation Army houses, counsels and feeds the homeless and down and out. They shelter and feed kids who’ve aged out of the foster care system at 18 with no where to go.
1-800-Got-Junk: They pick up junk with a big truck, but we pay them for the service.
Sociopaths Feel No Emotional Nostalgia or Value for Things or People
Option Six: Sell it.
How and where can we sell this stuff…?
Excellent question. Here are some of my favorites.
eBay – We’ve all heard of eBay. But… it’s sooo public and we might be more comfortable doing this on the down low. – So, make a new email that doesn’t reflect your name. Create a user name that isn’t “us,” doesn’t hint at who we are or how we’re feeling about the dirt-bag. Dump the junk and line our pocket. – Sweet revenge, well deserved.
Craigs List – Probably the easiest and one of the quickest ways to off load their (usually stolen in the first place, or coerced from another target) television, Aeron office chair, bicycle or trumpet. We need to take decent photos of the thing, describe it, name a price, or go with “Best Offer.”
There’s also a “Free” stuff category on Craig’s List.
Snap a photo, Put stuff on the curb.
Announce it on CL – it’ll be gone in 30 minutes.
Create an account – your name or contact will not be seen in listings – we can have enquiries by prospective buyers sent via the Craig’s List server into our email inbox, then we reply to them from our own email address. – Consider making an email address that doesn’t reflect our name. Only give out a location, phone numbers in order for someone to pick up the thing they’re buying and to give us cash. – I’ve done this, it works. Follow your gut.
ETSY – If you have a collection of say, old records, or rare books, or supplies to build crafty things they might find a new home through ETSY. It’s a matter of setting up a “store,” making a bio and a banner and taking photos and giving product descriptions… a lot of work. I mention it here because it’s a great and refreshing resource of things to buy that are handmade, vintage or supplies for jewelry or jam making. Look around… we might get some ideas for a new venture of our own!
This one really hits the spot!!
Never Liked It Anyway – This is a super smart trendy, current, hip site for selling your “exes” stuff! List items for sale and rake in the dough. Buy stuff, sell stuff, they have a fresh blog of breakup articles, and more. Make a profile, list the item, someone buys it, NeverLikedIt gets a small fee from the sale price and gives 10% of that to The American Heart Association. They ship the item to the buyer and send freshly minted freedom in dollars straight to us. Never Liked it Anyway – too bad we can’t sell the socio-freak off along with their trash to a life sentence in Hades. – By the way, Never Liked It is on IG: @neverlikedit
Where to Offload Lots of Stuff or Bigger Things and House Hold Items
EBTH – The Premier Estate Sale Market Place – This is for those left with a LOT. Like some big things, maybe a house full of furniture you want to unload. Not sure which states they operate in. Investigate… There are surely similar companies in most cities.
Habitat for Humanity – A long established and much loved charity organization that makes a home a reality for many lower income, or survivors of natural and life disasters and tragedy. Habitat stores sell donated goods, they also use donations for home construction and for their home renovation grant projects. Perfect if the nut-job left a toilet seat in the garage or a tool kit, or drill.
Humble Designs – This incredible organization fills the new apartments of those coming out of shelters and homelessness with beds, bedding, kitchen ware, tables, chairs, lamps, desks, night lights, art and love. They make a haven for those who’ve survived violence or loss.
Free ourselves of their scent, their aura, their grip... let every last piece fly out the door. Turn their trash into someone else’s treasure and new beginning. Create value from their malevolence and absence of care for humanity. We’ve got enough love to go around!
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