Reframe the Nightmare with a Sociopath

Reframe – rethink – the madness. It’s the way to freedom.
With the accurate perspective – we can heal.
What really happened…? 

After a sociopath rampages through our lives we feel an intense mix of emotions and are hugely overwhelmed.

We’re confused. Weepy. Doubt. Shaking with anxiety. Sad. Despair. Failure. Shame. Guilt. Regret. Blame ourselves. Hate. Anger. Grief. Loss. Broken. Fear. Terror. Disbelief. Thinking if only. And wondering why?

And all this is normal. People call it ptsd. It’s the aftermath of trauma. It’s natural. it’s unavoidable. It’s okay. – It’s going to last far longer than we want it to, but we can reduce the severity and guide ourselves (with a little help from our friend who knows the real-deal) into a brighter and better life.

We need the accurate perspective
in order to unwind the trauma.

We’re resilient and gorgeous human beings.
Recovery is absolutely in our hands.

For the days and months and maybe even years after the nightmare with a sociopath life can be a roller coaster in the pit of despair. Could there be worse hell…? Well. Yes. We could have stayed with the monster.

Let’s give ourselves high praise and props for getting away! – Not everyone does. Anyone can be true love scammed. – Not everyone has the good fortune to see what’s really happening, or muster the courage, support and wisdom to get them out of our lives. So, let’s really celebrate that!! — Then find our way to fearless and free.

Whether it’s been two days
or twenty years since they bolted – reframing changes everything.

Now. To start the recovery. Reframe. Anyone can do it. It’s free. It’s safe. It brings sanity to the nightmare with a sociopath. Stick with it. The grief and anxiety go away bit by bit on the first instance of seeing the truth. Notch by notch the volume on the crazy turns down. It takes practice. Keep at it. Go back to the basic steps over and over. The more skilled we become at reframing the more the doubt, the left over love, the regrets and confusion evaporate. And that’s pretty darn great!!!

We’re stronger as normal humans than any house-of-cards-sociopath.

There’s nothing wrong with us. We fell for a person we thought was normal and then proceeded to relationship build and live with them in our lives as a normal person. They, on the other hand know they aren’t normal. They know it’s our belief in them and the pictures we paint in our minds about them, their past and our future that keep things together. They also know that picture will fade, melt, drip, dissolve and vanish as the real thing that they are peeks through over and over. – If we look at the whole thing – every word, moment, gesture, absence, “shared” laugh, nicety or cruelty from the way they are, from how socioaths think, from what they want and need, from why they create true love scams without our emotional interpretation – we see what was really happening all along. This is the key to our freedom.

Reframe the Nightmare with a Sociopath, 1 – 2 – 3

1) Memorize the characteristics of a sociopath. Mostly that they’re always lying.
2) Get a scenario with the brute in your head.
3) Replay the scenario from their mind – the mind of an antisocial psychopath.

If we’re looking at things from our lovely, loving normal feeling brain – we’ll never understand. We can’t heal. They are the one’s doing these hideous things – look at it from their sick-mind.

If not, we’re using an inaccurate perspective. It’s like having a broken leg, but putting a cast on our arm. We won’t recover, heal or ever understand what really happened.

If we don’t accurately grasp what really happened,
we’re left at risk of marching down the aisle with another one of these creatures.

Think of it like this: Every. Sociopath. Without. Exception. Has 2 priorities in life. Number 1. To take what ever they want. Number 2. To never be caught or exposed. They must get our stuff and they must preserve an appearance of innocence and never land in the clink. Everything they do is for this and this alone. Period. There is nothing else. They will do absolutely anything to fulfill and maintain these two priorities.

Know this: 

  1. Everything we think we know about them, everything they say or do – is not “true.” There is no “truth” happening.
  2. They only care about two things: getting what they want.
  3. And: not ever being caught, exposed or held responsible.
  4. They’ll do or say anything – ANYTHING – to make points 2. and 3. happen.

Each “I can’t believe he did that!”
Becomes: “Of course he did that, that’s what monsters do.”

It is crucial to begin to think of what happend not from our normal way of looking at relationships or from our pain or our heart – but from the mind of the person who did this: the sociopath. Without this there is no full recovery – we may feel self-blame, confusion and sadness for the rest of our days – and we’re likely to be rehooked by the current monster or fall prey to another sociopath, narcissit or user another time around. 

We’re having snips of all the hell-ish crazy roll across our minds anyway – so now reframe and replay their actions and words from their point of view, based on his brain. Or hers. Over and over and over.

Here’s what every sociopath is, does and thinks with their abnormal limited brain:

1) No capacity for care, concern, compassion or love for anyone.
2) Believe they are better – MUCH better – than everyone else.
3) Pretend (believe?) they’re victims. – They tell stories of being victims – a lot.
4) Want to be – have delusions they are – famous, cool, the best.
5) Crave a “good reputation.”
6) Will do anything, to anyone. – Zero conscience here.
7) Take pride in the suffering they cause. They feel we deserve it.
8) Seem fun, entertaining, interesting & charming and seem intelligent.
9) Are perceptive in a primal-animalistic way – this is for their survival.
10) Want to seem to be like us – so we trust them.
11) Mimic (badly) our real emotions to come across as normal so we’ll trust them.
12) Know they’re monsters – and enjoy it.

From the moment we meet them this is what they do:

1) Assess Us – For our specific usefulness and empathy.
2) Win our Trust – They bait and hook so they can steal from us and use us.
3) Take – Every thing we have from our money to our hearts.
4) Ruin – Our lives with gleeful abandon as the scam fades and fails and they bail.
5) Smear Us – To protect themselves. They must appear innocent.

Sociopaths carry out this same routine with any and all women or men they meet as far and deeply as they can.  With. Every. Single. One. – This is the only kind of interaction a sociopath ever has with any human being. 

Seek out effective healing.

We can heal! We can thrive.
Embrace our own lives.

At the end of a scam sociopaths only care about one thing: Their own safety and their “good name” – okay that’s sorta two things, but the 2nd one is imaginary.

They always smear us by saying horrible things about us to everyone. And on top of that if they think we might report them to police or any authority and compromise their freedom or cause them to be viewed badly by friends, or harassed, or arrested, or deported, or jailed – they want to stop us from that. 

They might use threats, violence, file restraining orders and start court battles. They’re capable of anything and everything. – We must cut them off. Go. No. Contact. And do not threaten them with anything. Stay mute. Reframe.

Reframe each scenario with the monster as it comes back to haunt us. Realize over and over, this was not personal – it was business. Truly. We were a piece of their survival. – Now we are not. Focus on ourselves. Rewire the trauma. Ensure our protection. Rebuild our health and home, our family and true friends.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

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