Tag Archives: true love fraud

How to Handle Hoovering

Hoovering nut bags want to “stay in touch.”
But we hesitate, stuck in yet more cognitive dissonance.
We have decisions to make.

Hoovering narcissistic sociopaths (you might be calling them a narcissist without using the sociopath word, but whatever we call them they) keep up the masquerade up and the facade place as long as possible.

They do this even in the face of pure ridiculousness and obvious lying. They don’t care or mind if we know what they are…! Not one jot. They do care what we do once we know.

They mind very much if we “stay in” or bolt. If we kick them to the curb or leave the cookie jar open. If we tell others, or if we’re going to keep our mouths shut.

Any and all of this can only happen through contact. Hoovering is contact… and has the same motivation as any contact they’ve made since day one and the first hello. Isn’t this how the whole thing happened…? Them reaching out?

The real-deal answers and real information
changes the whole scary schemer.

Con Artists Hoover: We Anticipate Hoovering With Mixed Emotions

Please make any and each decision rooted in a wish to rebuild your life… Focus on and look toward your well being… free your bones and heart and soul and life of the maniac.

Our stomach churns. They’re in our heads. They stay present at the surface and underneath every moment of the day. This is the antithesis of “over.” And if it isn’t over and zero contact, we’ve not yet put a solid step onto the long road of healing.

At this point in the sham, letting our phone ring with their reaching grasp is all-in from their point of view. If they can reach us, they consider us active prey. This is all it takes: buuzzzz-buuzzzz-buuzzzz. (That’s your phone buzzing.)

Hoovering Hits the Gut as Trauma and Harassment

Do you feel that? Even the idea of that phone vibrating and jumping on the table is nauseating. Listen to your gut. Trust yourself. What they care about is that we’re still “all-in.” As long as we leave a portal open, the narcissistic user has a chance to seep their way back in. Or step on in. And stay in. 

To Block, or Not to Block the Nut-Bag: Or to Get a New Number?

All it takes is one more buzz of a text, one more late-night call. Another email. Facebook messaging. WhatsApp…another call. – Give ourselves every advantage in healing. Peace of mind, a truly fresh start can’t begin when any portal from them to us is open. We block them, we change our number, and also begin again with a new email address.

Do Know: Sociopaths boomerang; in a year or maybe five they can ring up your same-good-old-number from a new number of theirs and that sickening snake charmer dance begins again with: “Hey! Let’s get coffee…” 
Recovery sessions Jennifer Smith Restore after narcissistic abuse

Top 3 Reasons for Not Blocking or Getting a New Number

  • Many find these points to be an obstacle to blocking them or getting a new number:
    • I can’t change my number because of my clients and my business
    • It makes me feel strong to see his call come in and not take it
    • It’s hard to block him; we were together for so many years

It Can Seem Impossible to Block Them: Consider Again

Oh, I get it. We feel like our life has been turned upside down and, it has. What we want to do is take all our reasoning, and all our decisions and turn them into moments of self-care, embracing our own life and building our lives the way we want them to be.

This is separate from basing our decisions on “fear” or “love” for the sociopath or because of not yet accepting what they really are.

Take no responsibility or blame for the presence of these kinds of pathological predatory humans in your life. You’re not responsible for the inhumanity of a sociopath. Do take your healing and the restoration of your life into your own hands. Take 100% responsibility for healing, recovering, and becoming sociopath (narcissist) user free forever. Let’s look at each of these seemingly reasonable reasons for not getting a new number.

Can’t Change Your Number Because Your Clients Use It?

I get how this can seem logical. But. Really….?! Isn’t this the very reason to change your number…? You need your phone. You need your phone. We need to conduct business. To continue building our lives. We need the freedom to create our business without fear, without hoovering, stalking, and mental and emotional torture.

Make this about ourselves. Use this time to change your number so that you can build a business and connect with clients freely; know that none of those incoming calls will be from bozo-the-user.

Have a client email list…? Write a cheery newsletter and send out your new number; maybe with a special offer for your product or service. Most business people strain to find reasons to reach out to clients…! Use this to our advantage. Make it a good thing. Let your phone ring freely.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Some Say: I Feel Strong Not Answering the Sociopath’s Calls

Fell strong by not answering while the loon rings through…? I do get that. Okay. But, you always were strong, that’s part of why and what about you held their fake life up so well.

Let’s look at this a little. Are you feeling a little flattered that they call? That’s natural, but, does it serve you? Does the experience of the phone buzzing make us feel truly and genuinely good? Or does it leave you feeling pretty rotten over the next few days?

Are you still – somewhere inside yourself still feeling a connection to them that you aren’t ready to disrupt? Are we still in a surreal comfort zone? Are we wanting to see if they call out of fear of them?

Every Move We Make is Meant to be for Our Well Being

We can’t compromise our safety, well-being, and happiness for the benefit of the dark side. It’s a natural, second-nature skill we’ve honed during our time with the sociopath. Painting less-than-good circumstances into reasonable logic is the body’s beautiful, innate ability to make it through hard times.

This is how we survive and adapt to the confusion – technically this is managing cognitive dissonance. We all do this, usually daily. It’s decision-making. Let our decision land on our side.

Cognitive Dissonance is Normal: We Can Resolve to Cognitive Harmony

We weigh and balance, and sort through options as a part of life; We regularly feel cognitive dissonance, in many ways, even throughout the day. It’s essentially decision-making.

As we can’t resolve the things they say to cognitive harmony, holes show up one by one by one. And we fall into that chasm. There’s a ladder to climb out.

We need to make decisions in order to maintain working for a boss whose ethics we don’t fully support, for example. We may swallow what we prefer as a good or safe way to spend time when negotiating how late our teen can stay out on Saturday night. It’s simply resolving a conflict between one thought and another.

We settle cognitive dissonance when we’re weighing whether to eat potato chips and cream cheese for dinner or salad with some healthy protein. – We need this life-saving and species-preserving trait. It’s a great and gorgeous thing — it’s time to turn our natural protective instincts truly back onto ourselves in a pure way. Trust our own lives.

Think of this: Every time that phone buzzes we’re connected whether we pick it up or not. Each time that phone rings we’re being pinged in the soul. It’s up to us… each time we let that phone ring we’re in a battle with ourselves to pick it up and maybe say: “Hello…?” Is this how we want to carry through each day…?

We Were Together for Years

Uhmmm. Yes, and no. Not exactly, I know it seems like a relationship. In this circumstance, however, you were absconded heart and soul within a crime. Know what they were up to. Accepting that these beasts exist and what that means and what truly happened is the foundation of truly recovering.

How to get a new number: Get a new number by calling your phone service provider. They’re happy to let you pick the new number from a few they’ve got available. We’re welcome to do this every few months. In a big city with multiple area codes, you can even switch that up! Exciting.

Know This About New Phone Numbers

They’re recycled. Yes. That means we get a number someone else didn’t want. Who knows why they needed or wanted a new number?

Maybe the number belonged to someone in shoes similar to yours. This means our phone might ring with strange numbers in calls that are not for us. Anything from debt collectors to who knows who or what. Be prepared… but guess who it won’t be…?

Know that anytime your phone vibrates or chimes that the caller it will not be is the con man you’re dumping out of your life. The relief in this alone is unimaginable you get that new number. Feeling your heart rate stay settled and your blood pressure stay normal when the phone bleeps is incredible!

Follow these guidelines and you’ll fall off the pathological user, nutbag narcissistic sociopath’s radar. 

How to Handle Calls We Don’t Want and Aren’t For Us

  • Never answer a call we don’t recognize
  • Take a deep breath and calmly Google the number after it comes in; you might find it’s a known number for fraud IRS (tax) demands; or just a bakery across town
  • Block all calls from such numbers
  • Never answer any call that says: Unknown Caller, Unavailable or Blocked.
  • Each time, have the confidence to say to ourselves: that call wasn’t for me
  • Trust your gut

Robo Calls That Make Our Gut Churn

Know those bill-collecting, robo-calls for Javier, Janet, or Dave will stop after a few months. And, P.S. Consider a brand new phone. And leave the old contacts on that old phone. – Start fresh.

Cognitive Dissonance is the Basis of Decision Making

Comfort and confidence in decision-making are some of the first things that go out the window in the confusion and chaos of life entangled by a sociopath. (And these people you’re calling some kind of narcissist.) Harmony in what’s around us and in what we believe to be normal or right and the far distant shore of what we experience with them becomes a chasm we straddle.

What we first experience as profound compatibility with these creatures changes drastically. One foot on one side, one on the other as the divide grows wider. As we can’t resolve the things they say into cognitive harmony, holes, and gaps of oddities show up one by one by one.

We end up stepping into those gapping oddities and nearly tottering to the bottom of that canyon. Fortunately, there’s also a ladder there for us to use to climb out. It’s our beautiful need for harmony that takes us into that dark abyss and lends us the way out.

TED Talks to Watch When We Have Big Decisions to Make

The confusion escalates in post-trauma. I know the place you landed; I was once there too. It’s a hellish quagmire of quicksand and jello that is PTSD. Knowing what to do comes back slowly. It falls into place in great huge, encouraging chunks with each decision we bravely make.

Please make any and each decision rooted in a wish to rebuild your life for your own sake. Focus on and look toward your well-being as a Drishti point. This leeches the terror out of our bones; the terror wrought by the sociopath’s venomous deceit. You will free your bones and heart and soul and life of the maniac.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2017_06_19 2023_07_21

How Do I Know I’m Dating a Sociopath?

If you’re Googling for answers.
…and confused or uneasy
about someone you’re dating,
…if you’ve started wondering what’s wrong
it’s likely you’re dating a sociopath…dating a narcissist.

I’m going to get right into it here. There are very specific traits every sociopath shares. If you call this person a “narcissist” and see these traits, maybe pull back a bit on what you feel you know, and plug in a stricter view of them with parameters that fit a sociopath… I know that’s a big and scary word. Paradoxically, it can make things simpler. So, how do we know if we’re dating a sociopath?

dating a sociopath dating a narcissist

First of all, most of us – let’s admit – begin a new romantic possibility, by looking online for things about this person we just met. That’s good, but not enough to detect a sociopath.

Here’s why: when we’re dating someone who is a pathologically narcissistic person – a sociopath – we see the good things. Believe it or not, the bad things about them don’t show up or aren’t seen as bad.

Tune in to yourself in this search. If there’s a tugging in your gut – that gut feeling that something is wrong – this means there’s something wrong. If you’re looking up things that brought you to this article, yes – that person you’re dating or maybe now not dating is one of these creatures.


Be user-proof forever.

Humans Want Proof

But most of us won’t end a romance at this point. We usually want to know more, that’s just human. It’s not necessarily a bad human quality, it is after all, born of the same human inquisitiveness that got us to the moon and discovered penicillin. And at the end of this dating fest – if it goes badly enough, it’s the same natural human quality that will eventually activate our escape from this person.

What Do Sociopaths Do in Relationships?

In the beginning it seems magic. There’s an unexpected, unhinged kind of compatibility.

  • They want to see us often or text or talk once a day or more
  • We find them interesting and are impressed with what they do or talk about
  • It seems they have a good job, are respected, maybe have a-lotta money
  • Or they drop things that lead us to assume they do
  • They make a lot of promises
  • Make a sense of “us” and “we” almost immediately
  • They offer us something we want: a job, love, a new life – from day one, or three
  • Start sexual activity

Call It Like It Is: Truth is Where the Freedom Is

The reality is, most times when someone is talking about dating a “narcissist”, the person they’re facing is a sociopath. That’s fine. However, the information out there about a “narcissist” mixes together accurate ideas about a non-pathologically narcissistic person, and extremely inaccurate ideas about this very scary pathological one. This leads to problems when that person is actually pathologically narcissistic…a sociopath.

When dating a sociopath or when wanting to know if you’re dating a person who’s much more than “just a narcissist”, the best way to make this determination is to think of them as a being a sociopath…to look at them through this lens in order to see them clearly.

Dating a Sociopath (a Pathological Narcissist) Goes…

  • The person who promised so much breaks those promises
  • They say something really strange like, you only think you love me, or I’m not average
  • Super confusing and heartbreaking… they’re strange or get weird about sex
  • They tell us we can’t be a part of some part of their life
  • They have days they’re grumpy for no reason
  • Their mood changes up to down, nice to mean, or active to flat on the couch
  • And something feels off, uneasy, unsettled and unsettling
  • Somewhere in your mind, you wonder if they’re lying

Sociopath / Narcissist, Po-tay-to / Po-tah-to

Dating a sociopath… dating a narcissist. You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to. Why does it matter? Why do I talk about this much? Because being unclear in this can prolong the “relationship”, which prolongs the pain, and inhibits recovery. It can interfere with safety of you and any children that are part of the picture.

Here’s one example: If you think of them as a “narcissist’ and read all about that, then you might believe they have a narcissistic wound. – This will lead you down a garden path of empathy for the “narcissist” who is in fact a sociopath, who has no wound, but has an abnormal brain – and would sooner watch you bleed out on the floor while they eat their lunch than give you money to take care of your child.

People have fallen into calling them “narcissists” for lots of reasons. One reason is that the word “antisocial” as in “antisocial psychopath” the technical name for a sociopath, trips them up. So, read here to find the answer to why sociopaths are called antisocial.

And of course, the other reason for shying away from the much bigger words sociopath or psychopath is because it’s hard to believe this infinite evil exits. I’m so sorry for this. This is the hardest part to take in. The first moment this reality came to me, is one I’ll never forget.

Sociopaths Think Differently: They Have a Different Brian

As things progress:

  • They don’t talk to you, they ignore your texts, or get mad at you for contacting them
  • They disappear for days
  • The pathological user will tell us everything is our fault
  • To shut up your questions, they tell you to just trust them or call you fat
  • We feel they’re mad at us and try to explain ourselves
  • We find out they’re seeing other people
  • Dating a sociopath or narcissist can turn violent
  • And now, you feel deceived though you still might have no “proof”
  • If questioned, they act as if nothing happened and like we’re still chill
  • You feel fear
  • You think maybe they’re mentally unstable
  • Something very wrong is going on, but you can’t put our finger on it

Dating a Sociopath (a Pathologically Narcissistic Person) is Fixable: They Are Not

By the way, did you know that it’s against mental health professional guidelines to diagnose someone underage – someone 18 or younger – as a sociopath aka a psychopath? That’s how serious it is. It’s the last thing a therapist or psychiatrist wants to officially diagnose anyone with.

This diagnosis, this condition of this abnormal and under-functioning brain of the sociopath is permanent. It’s a very strong statement for a therapist or psyche professional to make. This diagnosis is one that many licensed mental health professionals are not willing to make.

I’ve known of cases where they feel the person in question is a sociopath, but not be willing to give testimony to this in court in abuse cases that could save a child from visitations or a spouse from sharing custody. – There are of reasons for this. The point is you need to know.

Dating a Sociopath, Dating a “Narcissist” is a Life of Hell

Sociopaths are very different than we are. They actually have a different brain – they process human relations completely differently than we do. They look at other people as objects. People are merely utility devices to use and to take things from or to use to get their kicks from…in a really bad way.

Sociopaths don’t ever change. They cannot. And they wouldn’t want to if they could, they like being sociopaths and know what they are.

Sometimes they’ll tell us they’re a sociopath. They don’t mind if you know this. They care what you do because fo this knowledge. And most times this sickening intimate uttering does not send people running away, its isn’t usually what snaps the spell, but becomes a part of the coagulating weirdness.

Know the truth. Know how amazing you are.

Dating a Sociopath Only Has One Outcome

Things can only go from bad to worse to much, much worse. They’re nice, then harsh then not as nice, then harsher. Call you names and some pull out the violence. They take anyone they can get their hooks into through five stages of true love scam…always and only.

Why? Why can’t they just be normal? – Connectors between segments in their brains are missing so that they can’t feel or process emotions as we do. Sociopaths – psychopaths – don’t feel the emotions we feel. They have a very limited set of emotions, none of which are comparable to ours. They don’t understand our emotions and never will.

There are lots of differences in our brains and in how they see the world compared to hoe we see the world because of this missing but. They’re missing care and connection, and so they’re missing a conscience. We have a conscience because we care. They have other differences, for example, in dating a sociopath or dating a what you’ve been calling a narcissist, you might notice that they don’t process the meanings of words the way we do. They even lie when they don’t need to.

Here’s a very detailed YouTube video with Dr. Hare, a leader
in research and studies on the antisocial psychopath.

We End the Damage They Can Bring to Our Lives

If you’re on this website wondering if you’re dating a sociopath, please don’t wait looking for proof from them…you’re here because you already know. Trust your gut.

Your suspicion, your fear, confusion, and self-doubt is proof. We already know. Please, embrace your own life. Protect yourself. Find out how to leave them. Go no contact.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2016_10_10 2022_10_12

Are Sociopaths Intelligent?

Hardly. Sociopaths are not intelligent.
No conscience makes for no limits, not genius.

Are sociopaths intelligent? Geniuses? What sociopaths do in order to con is as old as dirt. Their tactics are similar in concept to what lab rats do to get cheese. They try and try and learn a few tricks to get the cheese. It’s also a bit like a martial art. Sociopaths use the strengths and weaknesses and the just plain normal of their targeted prey and everyone around them to their own advantage.

sociopaths intelligence is minimal
They get so mad.

Because sociopaths view other people as an opportunity, as a resource…Part of the trouble is that we don’t know we’re being thought of in this way.

This gives them the leading advantage. So in that way, they have “intelligence”… sort of like a spy who knows something you don’t know they know with an intention you aren’t aware of. – Other than that the sociopath (the narcissist) seriously lacks any real intelligence.

You wouldn’t be here reading this otherwise… They’re not smart. Let’s face it, sociopaths are dumber than boxes of rocks. They’re about as deep as a potato chip.

Sociopaths are ridiculous. Sociopaths’ so-called intelligence is comparable to the cunning of pigs. Give yourself the methods and skills to decode their minds, their words, and heal. The truth is, sociopaths’ intelligence is low. Conmen, predators in coercive control learn tricks like frantic lab rats desperate to push the button that brings cheese. Or cunning like hungry pigs.

Narcissistic abuse recovery.
Unexpected hope.

Breaking Up wIth Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, and hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Traits of a Sociopath

Often listed among traits of a sociopath we see the word intelligent. The more appropriate term is cunning, at least that’s what’s on my list. Are sociopaths intelligent? No.

He developed a method of opening the fridge door, leaving it half-closed on his own arm, then heaving with one foot against the top of the pig’s head groping to grab his own avocado and tofu. Every single night.

Their closed-circuit-world-of-self has no room for genuine intelligence. People say pigs are intelligent, and they say sociopaths are intelligent. So first, let’s define what we mean by intelligence.

I liken the intelligence of sociopaths to cunning. I have a friend who had (yes: had) a pet pig. Cute and tiny at first, even soft and cuddly. My friend loved that adorable, tender, pink piggy.

But, what people don’t tell you is that this sweet, tiny piggy, snuggling up as you watch TV on the couch together, will grow bigger. And bigger.

And much, much stronger, harsher, prickly. Then dirty. And stinky. And massively fat.

Pigs sprout a wet, snot-slicked, heaving disc of a snout they use constantly to root, grunt, and grind against anything and everything – including my friend’s leg or any nearby leg – 24-hours a day unless asleep, always looking for food. Perpetually. Relentlessly.

I’ll tell you right now this hurts incredibly! Just think about 100 pounds of pure skull bored with all the weight of a starving 350-pound animal into your ankle bone.

Calling a Pig and a Sociopath Equally Cunning is Not to Disparage Pigs

Now let’s be clear here: Are pigs sociopaths? No. But sociopaths are pigs. That relentless, primal force of persistence in the face of anything and everything. No other “mode” of operation. In addition, pathological predators are dumb. Ignorant. Conniving. Sneaky. A great pretense of smartness is put forth by them.

Counting On Our Kindness and Soft Hearts

That pig tricked food out of my friend. It stole entire loaves of bread off countertops while my friend made a sandwich, balancing on its hind hooves, grabbing the bread bag with its slimy, little piggy teeth.

It yanked kitchen drawers out of the wall by the handle in his iron clamp of a jaw. Spah-Lllaaaaaahttt! they crashed to the linoleum where piggy-pig snuffled through the contents hoping for a morsel, any crumb to eat; baggies, and aluminum foil flying. Nothing stopped this pig.

Screeching and squealing he snarfed up the Oreo’s, packaging and all. Have you ever heard a pig squeal when you try to take your own Oreo’s back?

When my friend tried to make dinner, the pig routinely knocked into my friend’s legs, causing him to buckle at the knees falling against the edge of the Frigidaire while that pig nabbed goodies: grapes, avocado, tomatoes, strawberries, even ice cubes.

My friend, once again upright, had to devise an alternate route to his own dinner. He developed a method of opening the fridge door, leaving it half-closed on his own arm, then heaving with one foot against the top of the pig’s head groping to grab his own avocado and tofu. Every single night.

A Good Relationship Doesn’t Elicit Terror

My friend was completely terrorized by an animal he’d taken in as a household pet. – His generous, animal-adoring heart was knee-deep in guilt and what some call a trauma-bond which is to say bound up by the soft-pink-innocent-piggy he loved so much.

Emotional intelligence is considered – certainly the most useful form of intelligence if not the highest form. We as highly empathetic people have emotional intelligence by the ton.

You ask why not put the pig in another room, or outside while food is being prepared and eaten by the humans in the household..? That pig had broken the door latches on every door inside the house. The doors between the dining room and the kitchen simply wouldn’t shut. Which meant he couldn’t be contained in the kitchen or corralled for subduing.

Added slide bolts were useless. He’d battered the doors until the added slidey-thing-a-mah-jigs popped out of their screws like gum out of a bubble pack. Even any dining chairs wedged underneath the handles in hopes of holding him had caved under his pressure, the legs cracked right off dangling like broken teeth.

If it was left outside in the gorgeous backyard with a full view of the city below to admire, its own personal mud pit to wallow in, and shoots of plants to nibble, all it could seem to do was screech bloody murder. A porcine human-being-murdered-shrieking sound you’d have to hear to believe. – It had to be let back inside before the neighbors called the cops. – This pig owned that house and the people in it.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Sociopaths are Cunning: Like Pigs

It became an ordinary day that Piggity listened for the front door to open. Raised his snout into the air and sniffed out the booty being carried in from the market.

Heaving and hurling his body into motion, Mr. Pig, ran down the hallway to the foyer, his cloven hooves tappity-scratching, a forewarning of inevitable harm, inspiring dread in the poor human carrying in the groceries. Its rotund, lumbering form clickity-clattered along the bamboo floor at the fastest velocity it could hurtle its 200 pounds, which was shockingly fast.

He was forced to face the fact, after all my friend’s care, love and generosity towards this pig: That pig tried to kick him out of his own home… And had been waiting for the chance to do it.

In a practiced, now ritual gesture it slid to a partial stop as he hit his mark, deftly clamping the brown paper bag from the bottom corner in the steel-vise grip of his yellow, gruesome fang-teeth, yanked backward shifting his massive, quivering weight into his hind-quarters, ripping a gaping wound in the bag: apples, cookies, bananas cascaded in a smacking, tumbling avalanche.

That pig snorted up all it could get its dirty claws and snotty nose on. Single-minded, the top of its metal-plate-of-a-skull bulldozed my friend’s hand out of its way, while screeching and squealing he snarfed up the Oreos, packaging and all. Have you ever heard a pig squeal when you try to take your own Oreos back?

Sociopaths, Narcissists Do Anything to Get What They Want: So Do Pigs

That pig tore up my friend’s bedsheets, pooped, and pissed in the house whenever he felt like it. One fateful day, while my friend got the mail from the street-side mailbox, piggy-piglet adorably (maliciously) slammed the front door shut with his dripping, drooling face, and battleship head. The door slammed and locked. My friend had no keys with him. He was only getting the mail.

To get back into his own home he had to clamber over his own 6” fence. Splinters threaded into his hands as he scrambled up the fence, just shy of breaking an arm when he dropped to the backyard mud. (It used to be grass, but the pig ate it.)

Trust Our Heart of Hearts and Our Gut

In his heart knowing, knowing the pig had done this on purpose. And, for all my friend’s dismay, hurt and sweaty gymnastics, scaling those splintering planks would have been fruitless if the back entries hadn’t been sliding glass doors that the pig couldn’t budge. He was forced to face the fact, after all my friend’s care, love, and generosity towards this pig: That pig tried to kick him out of his own home… And had been waiting for the chance to do it.

Think about it this way: sociopaths have no emotional intelligence since their abnormal, under-functioning brains disallow processing or feeling any emotions other than want, anger, fear, deluded superiority, and glee at getting what they want.

Emotional intelligence is considered – certainly the most useful form of intelligence if not the highest form. We as highly empathetic people have emotional intelligence by the ton.

Sociopaths’ Intelligence Is Proportional to Us Not Knowing What They Are

The pig stood there inside the house, staring out at my friend across the patio entry. It looked up at my flabbergasted, panting, scrapped up, trembling friend – hair tousled, glasses knocked crooked, arms scraped, hands throbbing with wood slivers. His heart, body, and pride had been through the wringer as he reflected on how close he came to breaking his legs or a hip.

That piggy blinked his wire-like, pale lashes with its usual dumb, innocent expression… but, this time my friend saw this fat, pink face also held a warning: The pig had failed in his take-over this time, but there would be the next time. – Except there wasn’t. Because the very next day my friend sent that piggy away to a farm for unwanted, unmanageable pigs. There are apparently many such pigs on many such farms.

Think of it Like This: Sociopaths are as out of control of their own existence and survival as the most helpless creature on earth. – If we didn’t believe them, where would they be? – Why Do We Believe The Lies of a Sociopath?

Our Empathy Buys Sociopaths Time to Take and Ruin

My friend felt so guilty, he gave that little piglet so many 2nd chances. Oh, that pig knew what he was doing. So do sociopaths. And it’s all riotous improvisation just like with the little piggy. – Snuffling out one opportunity after the next. Never ceasing in the hunt. Leaving us to leap tall fences. – But that’s okay – we’re our own Super Heroes. We are our own Angels. We are awesome!

Pathological Predators Hijack Our Humanity: Shut Down the Candy Store

So a sociopath, like the revolting pig my friend took in as a defenseless, sweet pet (sorry animal lovers) uses our own strengths and weaknesses against us; our normal human gorgeousness – against us. Our own desires for love, a family, a home, a good life – against us.

They are monsters. They aren’t intelligent. Just remorseless. Sociopaths have no wholesome or real emotional connection to us, or to anyone. Not even with that other woman, or that one, or the other one, or two that other guy either.

They Have Pea Brains

We can use the sociopath’s limited brain against them: realize it’s a crime – not a relationship by any means. Know they lie about any and all things. Everything they say or do is to get what they want and not get caught. Understand the meaning behind the stories.

Don’t respond to their emotional harassment and playing sick and sob stories. End the madness that is not a relationship – but a crime asap. Go zero contact and stay there forever. We end it, they won’t. We must reframe the nightmare for a full recovery and to render ourselves sociopath-proof forever.

I’m very sorry to say that this friend of mine, a former success in the music industry, was ensnared by a female sociopath in 2017. He has succumbed in total to her machinations and mesmerizing. Thi sled to divorcing his real wife and his entire life has been taken over by her. She has married him, deleted and blocked all his friends, taken his phone, his money and now his gorgeous home in the Hollywood Hills. – He is older now, and frail and medicated. This will be how his life ends. – these are not relationships. They are crimes.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

As long as one has hope, there is nothing one cannot achieve; everything is born from hope. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

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Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2016_04_20 2023_02_18

D.I.Y. Guide to a Sociopath’s Brain and Psyche

Sociopaths, narcissists as in the pathologically narcissistic,
the pathological users and liars, predators
don’t think as we do.
Their hearts are colder than ice; harder than stone.
The trouble lies within their brains.

Sociopaths are known for their charm if you like that particular sociopath. Then, along the way, there’s that hairpin turn to nightmare behavior. This D.I.Y. Guide to a sociopath’s brain and psyche cracks the code. So… what’s going on in those heads of theirs?

Sociopaths – the pathologically narcissistic, the predatory parasitic user – don’t think as we do because they can’t. The vast chasm of difference between “normal” and “sociopath” is found in the brain.

Sociopaths Have a Brain That Works Very Differently than Ours

These pathological users can act in ways we’d never imagine. Making use of others is their normal.

Sociopaths’ and psychopaths’ brains don’t work a bit like ours. It’s confusing and frustrating to try to build relationships with them because they’re missing the building blocks of bonding.

We get caught up in our own emotional reactions to what’s happening between us and them. We go to emotions and to talking things out to correct conflict and confusion and to bond. We “feel” our way through life.

We Are Normal Through and Through

sociopaths' brains are underfunctioning #malignantnarcissist #sociopath

And that’s normal… and really great, except these narcissistic pathological users aren’t normal and don’t care what we feel, so it doesn’t help us at all.

Sociopaths and psychopaths do not have the brain capacity to feel any social or personal positive connection or bond. We can look into their eyes searching for a connection and find nothing but empty, or worse. – This is also likely that person you might be calling a ‘narcissist”.

Though in human skin and bones, they’re empty and hollow aside from destructive forces and utterly devoid of humanity. This is really difficult to realize, to see, to take in, to accept, and to understand.

What is recovered for you?

How Can Sociopaths Do What They Do?

Whether we call them sociopaths, malignant narcissists, con artists, scammers, covert narcissists, liars, or users – they’re all alike. It’s incredibly hard for us to imagine the vast emptiness inside their heads.

Without any human connection, they have only one thing going on in their upstairs hamster wheel of a brain: survival.

The way a predator, a parasite such as a sociopath survives is like any parasite, they live through the efforts of others and off of others. They know this about themselves. They count on us not knowing this.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

We Can Only Be Normal

We, as normal humans who do bond and care, have limbic brains. This is the brain of a mammal. A mammal is an animal – including us humans – that gives vaginal birth. Yah! I know, right! This includes in part cows, bunnies, dogs, cats, monkeys, elephants, dolphins, and whales. Each of these, including humans, bonds, loves, nurtures, creates family groups, and can even bond with one another.

Antisocial psychopaths are referred to as a sociopath, sometimes a narcissist or a psychopath. The sociopath has what’s called a “reptilian brain”. Think of creatures with a reptilian brain, such as snakes, lizards, and crocodiles.

They lay eggs, do not create a family, and even eat their young both before or after the eggs hatch. – There are a few exceptions here, but this is to give an idea of the fundamental difference that matters: no nurturing, no parenting, no bonding, no pairs, or family group.

Sociopaths Can Only Be Sociopaths

What the sociopath is wired by their brain to do in order to live, to survive, to exist has the effect of destroying others. They know this. It doesn’t faze them. This sounds farfetched unless you’ve been in it.

There’s Really No One Home: Aside From Evil

Sociopaths are without any bonding capability, therefore they’re without genuine concern or care for any human or for any animal though they pretend to have either or both.

They have no moral, ethical, or spiritual concern for others or for the effect on others as fall out and as deliberate effect. imagine if you can: they have no conscience. – They do however make use of our conscience and our emotions and normal bonding impulses to prolong their parasitic stay in any person’s life.

With this primal urge to survive, which we all share, when the brain doesn’t bond or care then what’s left in these simple creatures is spartan. It’s purely and the only motivation to make use of other people, to take whatever they want, and get away with it. – There is nothing else there.

Sociopaths Don’t Feel What We Feel

A narcissist is the same thing as a sociopath, and a sociopath is in reality a psychopath. Sociopaths are all alike. I settled on the term “sociopath” because it’s more palatable than “psychopath” and has much more meaning as to their real nature than “narcissist”.

If you’re thinking of them as a covert, overt or malignant narcissist or borderline, please shift how you think of them through the concept of a sociopath and things will make more sense. – These DSM categories are irrelevant at best to those solving the crimes of a life invasion.

Collectively, these vast wastelands of humanity do not “feel” or experience any of the normal emotions that we do. Not at all, no matter how hard they pretend to. And definitely no matter how much we project our experience of human emotions onto them. – In fact, it’s this assumption that they feel like we do that causes us further harm and pain.

Sociopaths Do Not Feel The Way We Do

All the very normal human emotions we experience aren’t felt by them. We assume these emotions are felt by them. This is from our world. They do not feel any of these feelings in the way we do.

Limbic Brained Normal: Trust, Bonding, and Connection

We, on the other hand, have limbic brains; the brain of a mammal that bonds, cares, and makes connected family groups.

Their reptilian brain is a primal self-survival brain. We walk into what we think is a friendship or relationship with our limbic brain. Essentially, we’re jumping like little puppies expecting things to be good. This then is where the real trauma lives when ensnared by a sociopath. We can heal our traumatized brains.

Sociopaths aka psychopaths and some of the ones you might still be referring to as a narcissist, genuinely do not like others or feel part of a group, they have no love for their parents, no love for their children, no love at all. These parasites can be disarmed before they start.

D.I.Y. Guide to the Inside of the Dark-Dark Noggin

A Sociopath’s or a Pathological Predator’s Behaviors are Identical and Predictable

  • They don’t really tell much about their lives other than highlights of being used or heroic things they’ve done
  • They try to show themselves as humanitarians, fighters for justice, or do-gooders
  • Surprisingly, they are naive
  • They get restless and bored
  • Predators give the impression of being sincere and humble
  • When meeting someone new they want to hear about the other person
  • Agree with us to inspire our trust and feelings of intimacy
  • They create a forced “we”; create an “us and them”
  • Go through periods of hyperactivity contrasted with heavy downtime. There’s a significant reason for this and it’s not because they have PTSD or are bi-polar or other malarkey
  • When threatened personally that their toys will be taken, they experience trauma and lash out

There’s Still More

  • Say one thing then another
  • Tell tall tales of being used by others
  • Some “play dead” like a kid; talk about death, dying, or suicide
  • Say odd things that are in reality when they’re telling the truth of how they feel
  • Hesitate before responding, looking at us in a paused mode
  • Give inappropriate or disjointed, off the mark response in emotional situations that call for empathy, sympathy, or compassion such as someone’s death, accident, or illness
  • Have hidden sexual activity; hedonistic, BDSM, sex industry, pedophilia, porn
  • Employment is sparse, shortlived, or a long-term professional setting or claim they have their own business; under the surface, all is fraud
  • Though sociopaths – because of the inherent sociopath power of influence – can have a huge scope of influence in politics, law, criminal justice, and religious settings
  • Careless with material possessions yet seem attached to some items to obsession
  • Can be very entertaining and hold sway with a crowd, paradoxically quite hermit-like
  • They can sound and seem like two different people in different situations
  • Have the ability to morph age-wise, genderwise
  • A sociopath can cross over, shift in what they seem to be in terms of where they’re from, their economic status, and more

Sociopaths Have Different Brains Than Normal People

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National Geographic made an informative video about antisocial psychopaths aka sociopaths in our midst.

Antisocial in this context is Latin medical terminology referring to their abnormal brains. it means they behave outside of the expected or the accepted social behaviors and norms. It’s got nothing to do with being uncomfortable or shy socially.

Sociopaths aka psychopaths are within this category, but the full-blown psychopath is more focused on the entertainment they feel at other’s pain than on scamming a place to sleep.  Watch it here.

We might not all experience all of the kinds of horrific things a sociopath can potentially do, say, their darkest thinking may not be seen by all of us, in many cases, they are not shown to all of us. Some of you have the “relationship” crumble and end without a harsh word between you. – This is great you were spared and yet this also becomes a stumbling block to seeing what they are.

Easy-Peasy: Criminal is Their Normal

A sociopath will claim to be a great parent, especially on FB. Steal money or possessions from a spouse, friend, or stranger. Have affairs with married people. Impregnate and abandon. Hide money from a partner. Lie to authorities. “Cheat” while in a “relationship”. For a sociopath aka narcissist, immigration and marriage fraud are as ordinary as it is for them to have us do the laundry and pay their phone bill.

It’s a possibility they have two phones – or more – and keep those hidden. Or pretend one or the other phone is for work because they’re so big and important. If you noticed they don’t genuinely pay their own way financially, even if they work, the work is fraud. They use a different name. Hide where they go, and the things they buy.

Their World Is Nothing Like Ours

What we think we know about the sociopath who hijacked us is usually not nearly the tip of the iceberg. Don’t wait to find out more. Go no contact.

Sociopaths separate groups of people and their “second” family, along with their second or third or fourth alias, alternate versions of their names or completely different identities.

These pathological users will fake illness. Leave for days. Stop talking, or talk so much our eyes cross. They marry only for houses, cars, property, and borrowed respectability. Sociopaths aka narcissists use online social media and dating sites to fish for prey. Primary prey suffers pain and confusion when the sociopath-predator withholds sex. Change phone numbers frequently.

They make bold claims about glorious accomplishments. Promise many things. Place their prey in the position of being liable for their crimes. These are criminals: read more about that in this NY Times story on one of the latest sociopaths put behind bars.

Let’s Withdraw the Magnanimous, Generous Credit we Give these Beasts

Personal sessions! Recovery for narcissistic abuse Jennifer Smith True Love Scam Recovery

We tend to give the sociopath’s machinations and ability to lie more flattering significance than it’s worth. We imagine their ploys require “intelligence”.

We think what they do requires some kind of genius because they’re doing things we’d never think of doing in a million years or ever dare to do if we could think of it.

In reality, they can do what they do because they don’t care. I don’t mean they decide not to care. Deciding not to care would require the ability to care and then to weigh and discern caring more about one thing than another. They don’t have “care” for others in their lexicon of emotion.

When there’s no concern or consideration for other people, no sense of responsibility, no obligation to society, family, friends, humanity, or any living being other than self allowing one to carry out any action to gain a desire – is this intelligence or genius? Or is it simply a kind of diabolical freedom? When caring is absent, what’s left?

~ Jennifer Smith


Sociopaths Fake Next to Everything

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Sociopaths avoid work. Pass STDs. Demand a partner to stop practicing a religious faith. Ruin others with lies. Lie in court. Lie to immigration. Block wives, and girlfriends from their social media.

Abandon their children. Scam and lie to their children. Obtain fake passports. Use fake IDs. Never have a real address.

Use two or more Facebook accounts with different identities. Control and abuse children just as they do adults. Claim fame that doesn’t exist.

Use someone else’s social security number. Fake their educations. Cheat through school. Leave others holding the bag for their debts.

What Sociopaths Don’t Want Us to Know About Them

Sociopaths don’t like us to know their vulnerabilities and darker secret behaviors. and Their genderless sexuality and promiscuous nature. In reality, for these omnisexual, asexual creatures, anyone will do as a sexual “partner” since there is no love or emotional connection.

There is a concerted effort to hide their alcohol use, porn, prostitution, and gambling or drug use. It’s important for the pathological predator to hide their deep fear of being discovered as what they are because the fear is connected to what it is we’ll do when we see what they are. They huge fear of losing their prey, though they know every false connection will eventually end from the moment they’ve said “hello”. namazon

Violence, Secrets, and Things We Can’t Imagine

They try to keep their violent behavior under wraps – at least in the beginning. Their bar fights might become stories you hear about how someone attacked them. They’ll do their best to hide their stealing and criminal records. Sociopaths separate their “second” and “third” families and any social groups associated with each as best they can. They hide their assorted aliases, identities, and alternate versions of their names.

These pathological users can act in ways we’d never imagine. Making use of others is their “normal”. This can be hard to see even when we feel they’re lying, not completely honest, and we feel suspicious of them.

Things we might be missing are that they act out in impulsive violence. and have uncontrollable rage. They defraud governments and agencies. Embezzle funds or property. Blackmail. Commit forgery. Sell drugs. Pimp. And, really and truly couldn’t care less.

Sociopaths try to cover up that they know what they’re doing. These creatures know that by being what they are, others are hurt.

Sociopaths, Even if you Call them Narcissists, Narcopaths or Narcs, Need Others to Believe Them

Here’s the best part: they need us. And they know they do. Their success is dependent upon us not knowing any of this. And they don’t have a chance of using others or surviving unless we believe them and believe they’re at least within some range of normal. Maybe normal but troubled.

Recognize them for what they are. Put aside our emotional investment and connection. Shut down the sociopath’s ability to use and abuse. Exit stage left or get them gone. Go no contact, trust our gut! We are our own angels! We are Super Heroes!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2015_09_20 2022_11_07

Marriage Fraud: The Green Card Scam

Marriage fraud is many a liar’s dream.
Access to the USA
gives them a new place to hide.
Protect yourself legally from their hijinks.
Break free and clear safely.

passport2

Marriage fraud: conning someone into marriage for a green card is no big deal to a life-stealing predator like a sociopath.

Sociopaths (narcissists) have no problem lying, they do it all day long. Telling lies that cross into committing criminal acts to gain what they’re after is a-okay with them. Lies are normal and boundaries don’t exist to them.

The cross-over between truth and lies is blurred into nonexistence. Yet, be fully aware that they do know that they’re lying. The reality is that the sociopath’s (narcissist’s) entire life is a made-up fabrication with extremely small fumes of truth in whatever they’ve told you about themselves. So, marriage fraud for a green card scam is an incredibly common sociopath-con. 

Get the answers you need.

Marriage Fraud is a Piece of Cake for a Sociopath

The information and experience reflected in the article are based on a marriage fraud that took place in 2013 in the USA. The monetary amounts mentioned for applications and processing may have changed. During the years 2020 and 2021, immigration into the USA is likely at a halt.

In my experience, I observed that green cards are handed out to married couples fairly easily. The application process with USCIS seems intimidating when you’re going through it, but getting the green card isn’t as difficult as urban myth leads us to believe.

The US Government Sides with You

USCIS holds the position that American citizen deserves to have their spouse living alongside them in the United States. They want our application to work out. Getting a green card can be quite simple.

We’ve all heard stories of the couple who fought for years to be together in North America. What we don’t hear about are the hundreds of couples who get a green card in three to four months with no trouble at all.

Conditional Adjusted Status: The Two-Year Green Card

You might need or want to check with an immigration attorney. You might have realized that it’s rare to find an immigration lawyer who is addressing the needs of the U.S. citizen rather than the immigrant. There is one that has been referred to me years after my case. They’re in Texas but work with U.S. citizens anywhere. www.codiaslaw-com

That first “green card” is technically called being given, conditional adjusted status. This allows the qualifying immigrant to live and work in the USA for two years. In order to stay legally in the U.S. beyond that two-year period, another application process is required and is filed six months before the first green card expires.

As a legally married couple within the U.S., the citizen and the immigrant spouse start the two-year conditional adjusted status process by filing USCIS form I-458. If the immigrant fiance is outside of the U.S. and you’re not yet legally married, there’s a different process.

Marriage Fraud is Not Uncommon: USCIS Knows How to Spot It

USCIS officials know that marriage fraud happens. There are specific things that signal that one of the parties didn’t marry the other “in good faith”. They are things like an age difference, marrying quickly, and other rather obvious ideas. Follow this link for a list of several of the red flags that USCIS employees and officials look out for. – And yes, those window clerks are on the alert as well as the interviewers.

USCIS Interview Questions

The USCIS interview is basic and pretty much what one would think. In times past they’d show up at your shared home to see that you did indeed live together. This hasn’t been the case for ages. Now you go together to the immigration office and sit in a room with a stoic officer of USCIS.

The couple is asked things like what are each other’s favorite foods, where they went to college, their favorite pet’s name, how they met, and what they wear to bed. Seemingly random questions that reveal the involvement and indicate a personal life together. – They aren’t only listening to the answers. They read the room, as they say. You are being scrutinized.

If USCIS suspects fraud they alter the interview. They’ll get into more specific and probing questions. They might take each spouse into separate rooms to question.

ICE Has an Online PDF About Marriage Fraud

It states: Marriage fraud is: Neither victimless nor limited in scope, the crime of marriage fraud is anything but a trivial matter. Types of marriage fraud include: A foreign national defrauds a U.S. citizen who believes the marriage is legitimate.

Take back your life.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Each Word Has Significance

Further consequences: US citizens who enter into fraudulent marriages assume great personal liability. The foreign spouse may gain access to sensitive, personal information including, but not limited to, bank accounts, safe deposit boxes, retirement and investment accounts, personal identity information, and family heirlooms.

Ten Years Permission to Live in the USA

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Before the two-year green card expires another application, form I75-1, and more fees must be filed by our scamming spouse in order to remove conditions from their green card so that they can stay for ten more years and during that time take citizenship.

That’s the big enchilada the con man immigrant is shooting for.

This application cost was $700 in 2012. The is paperwork that the immigrant files on their own. A part of the application process is proving that they married you – the US citizen – in good faith. In some cases even after a divorce from the US spouse, the conditions on their status may be removed and the application approved for their ten-year green card.

Immigration Directors and Officials

USCIS and ICE see tons and tons of marriage fraud and green card scams. Even with this experience, officials aren’t immune to a sociopath’s charms. Additionally, the effect of the sociopath is so all-encompassing that the U.S. spouse under the sociopath effect will defend the sociopath right through the red tape and scrutiny of USCIS, all the while believing their spouse and in their love.

Green card scammers attempting to gain entry into the U.S. are committing a crime. As a target of their fraud, you’re not accountable for the scammer’s crime. – We are responsible for letting USCIS know about the immigration fraud as soon as we realize what has happened.

A Green Card Represents a Golden Ticket

Marriage fraud and green card scams are carried out in choice-target countries. One destination very high on the list is the UK though with Brexit, that may change since access to all of Europe will no longer be included. Here’s support for marriage scammers in the UK. Holland is another country of choice, as is Canada.

The bottom line is a green card scammer wants a passport to a country that takes them to a richer, riper, more free country. Or out of the country where people are after them.

Tame the trauma.
Decode the confusion.

Subscribe to the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Once Married, They Just Might Own Your Stuff

In several states, once we’re married, what’s theirs is ours and what is ours is theirs by law. When married to a scammer, this is a horrifying reality to see. There’s deep sorrow, grief, and loss as a target of marriage fraud.

Once we realize it was a scam rather than a romance we’re better off knowing their real intention, but it’s a hard experience. The way you end the marriage in a legal sense is important. You’ll want to legally end the marriage choosing between a divorce or an annulment.

Report the Scamming Sociopath to USCIS

USCIS is aware that a U.S. citizen can be conned. But when they call things suspicious: You’re both under suspicion. Therefore… cover your bases. I’ve known of the couple being rejected with a letter that implies they’re both in on it when it was anything but the situation.

In my case, USCIS tried to stall the process. They’d given us an interview that is used when they suspect fraud. He did get his green card, and then I’d seen enough as well and I kicked him out just a few months later.

Report, Report, Report

Report to USCIS immediately if you discover that the love isn’t real. Even though it’s your word against anyone else’s be sure to report. Without fail, report the scam to USCIS. – USCIS knows this happens, it’s okay to report you’ve been scammed and it’s for your safety to do so. The lying scumbag will never know that you reported them, that is to say, USCIS doesn’t tell them.

Make your report by writing a letter to the officer who interviewed you and to the director of the immigration center where the interview took place. In your report give them complete information.

You might need or want to check with an immigration attorney. You might have already realized that it’s rare to find an immigration lawyer who is addressing the needs of the U.S. citizen rather than the immigrant. There is one that has been referred to me years after my case. They are in Texas but work with U.S. citizens anywhere.

Changes in Circumstances Must Be Reported

For example, the green card holder is meant to report any address change, they will not do this when they leave your place. You can include this information. Even if you don’t know where they went, be sure to give the date that they left your home.

If things are missing, let them know what was stolen. Be as detailed as you can be in dollar amounts, property, jewelry, and the debt you’ve been left with. You can also report to their country, the one they hold a passport for, the one on their birth certificate. Consider reports to the FBI, CIA, Interpol, the IRS, and tax boards in other countries.

Speak From the Heat: Be Straightforward and Clear

  • State that you were in love when you got married
  • Be open in that this person did not marry you “in good faith” 
  • If they moved out, tell them so and give the date that they left
  • Give any address or contact information we have on our runaway scammer
  • Let them know you no longer agree that this person should have access to or that conditional adjusted status in the United States
  • Tell them anything you feel is pertinent such as indirect and direct evidence of their criminal behavior, fraud, other marriages, children; or anything you’ve discovered.

Their Fraud is Not Our Crime: We Owe the Immigrant Nothing

Contrary to what we’re made to think and to what a sociopathic green card scammer will tell you: you will not be held accountable for them. You’re not going to be in trouble. You don’t have to pay their rent and feed them. You owe them nothing. You’re not responsible for their crime.

Information to Report to USCIS on the Scamming Sociopath

Even if you don’t have all f this, give them what you have. If you can make or have copies of their driver’s license or IDs and information, give those as well (and keep copies for yourself).

  • The con man or woman’s full name
  • Give their “A” Number, the number assigned to them by USCIS
  • Copies of or numbers from any birth certificate, passports from any country, driver’s licenses from any country or state
  • Social Security numbers or other state or country IDs
  • Their car’s license plate number and State
  • VIN number of their a car and the car make and model
  • A recent full-face photo, and a full-body photo
  • Bank account numbers and the bank name or routing number
  • All addresses you’re aware they use or have used
  • And all versions of their name
  • List the telephone numbers you’ve known them to have (or use)
  • Give their Facebook page link, Twitter handle, Insta, or anything you know about
  • List other social media or websites they have
  • Report the names and contact information of friends/girlfriends/boyfriends, finances, or other wives or children

Turn In Every Bit of Documentation You’ve Got

Basically, you’re going to report absolutely everything you’ve got that could possibly lead them to him or her. – If you don’t have much don’t worry, give them what you do have.

Let USCIS know the date that he or she moved out. Be straightforward in declaring that you feel they did not marry you in good faith. Report the filing date and the status of your impending divorce or annulment. Give them the contact information of the attorney handling your divorce or annulment process. Here’s a link to USCIS: www.uscis.gov.

You want to be sure to make your feelings and position clear. There’s nothing more you need to do. You will not be punished. You will not be arrested or be held responsible for the fleeing a conman spouse.

Report For Your Own Well Being

Please know that you’re making these reports out of a sense of what you feel is right and for your own protection. Decide what’s right for you. Keep in mind though that these people – these patholgoical predators – could have been up to things we have no idea about while we were married to them.

Separating ourselves and legally extricating ourselves from culpability, implicit guilt or any legal responsibility to whatever that might be is essential. While USCIS can’t arrest them for theft or for defrauding us, the information you report, and the statement you make leave you free and clear. The attempted fraud and other relevant information are attached to their permanent file following them everywhere they go in the world.

Green Card Fraud is a Crime

Scamming USCIS is no small crime. The more information we give, the clearer we can be, with copies of previous annulments, divorces, or attempts at adjusting immigration status before their green card scam using us, the better.

If they try to get another U.S. green card, or if any country’s authorities have any future reason to look into them and the history will be there. The day will come when our international true love scammers will be criminally caught out.

Loss and More Loss: Recovery Is Resolving Every Loss

Our deepest loss will be our trust in – well – a lot of things for a while. We lose our hearts, a piece of our soul. And things. Things that mattered to us. And we recover. We are renewed.

After making the report – that’s it. USCIS will not tell us if they investigate, apprehend or arrest or deport the marriage-frauding, green-card-scamming fiend. They can’t by law. The good part is this: We know we followed through. We took the steps to protect ourselves.

And hopefully, your reports will weigh down the movements of the monster with facts and a paper trail of their malevolent, diabolical acts. Hopefully, you’ve taken some of the flexibility and range out of their criminal life-stealing, soul-raping madness. And best of all you can recover fully. Each of us extracting ourselves from these creatures is truly a superhero and our own angels.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2015_08_30 2022_11_05

4 Stages of True Love Scam Recovery

Recovery from a con man.
We’re gob-smacked by the discovery our significant other is
a human-soul-ransacking, life-sucking,
parasitic-destroyer.

Recover from a con man…? Wow. I mean…how did this become something we need to know about? This discovery that these shape-shifting beasts of evil exist is nothing we’d ever have imagined for our lives.

For many, the idea that someone would lie to them has not crossed their mind. And then to discover that potentially an entire relationship is a lie…? This is the hardest thing we’ll ever do, no doubt about it.

con man recover

I had so many questions about this phenomenon and found, realized, and discovered answers to every one of them. The recovery and reassembling your life isn’t easy. It takes courage. You will discover how incredibly amazing you are as a fully normal human. – And that all the things you did, said, hoped for, and were confused by are absolutely normal.

We can, you can recover from a con man or the female version of these creatures. Though it’s a winding and challenging and unknown road, have no doubts, after the traumatic fake-lationship, PTSD, and healing we rise.

What is recovered enough for you?
There are four phases we pass through
going from hell to normal again.

Recovery Means Restored Joy

You can come away from this joyful again. You will smile and you will laugh for that genuine place once again. By being thrown into the fire we can forge ourselves to reveal our greater selves.

The most common term used to talk about these life thieves is “narcissist”. This is unfortunately another confusion within the confusion. The reason I say this is because there are people who are narcissistic in this pathological sense in which this person is driven by the way their brain is designed to live as a parasite – to use others rather than connect and care.

Seeing the Sociopath Reveals All Who Are and Those Who Are Not

Then, there are also people who are narcissistic but not of this pathological, evil mind. When both are called “narcissists” there are some truly unfortunate misunderstandings in the way that prolong or prohibit recovery. I will say, that by taking in the full and whole scope of what a sociopath is, the people who are merely dysfunctionally narcissistic also come into clearer light.

If you’ve resonated with the experiences described on my website, you’ve been embroiled and entangled by the pathological kind. The merely dysfunctionally narcissistic person, though sometimes mean or confounding and frustrating, is not motivated by this pathology of sociopathy.

Prey and Parasitic Predator

As targets of a person of this pathology – the pathologically narcissistic, we’ve been targeted by an ASPD, antisocial personality disorder, or what is called an antisocial psychopath in colloquial terms, a sociopath.

As you unwind this and heal grieve, heal, and restore your life, you’re going to be amazed at the depths of emotion and power your life has. And the same applies if you’ve been dragged through hades by a person you’re calling a narcissist. Same thing.

You’re In Trauma Due To a Narcissistic Sociopath

1. Traumatic Event

The prime traumatic event is recognizing the person we love is a monster. This is really a jolt to every bit of our being. We take a physical, mental, and emotional hit. To take in the idea that our life has been a total and complete lie for the length of time we have been married or to living with and in love with or even simply dating this malevolent being is beyond imagining for those who haven’t been here.

As those who have, now know evil. We’re on a first-name basis with a demon that looks like a human. And here’s the good news. This really can become a benefit to your life. And this is meant on a profound level, not mere superficial optimism.

We Decide to Win and We Decide What Winning Is

Right here, at this moment, we determine the outcome of this life-altering event. We can stand up. We take back ourselves and our lives. It’s up to us to find the pathway to resolving each loss, to grieving the loss of what we thought was real but wasn’t … and discovering how amazing we are and how our great human gorgeousness was never lost.

They need us, we do not need them – though that feeling we’ll die without them is elicited from the depths of our souls moments after being hooked in. This is another bizarre effect of the sociopathic-zap.

We have this moment – here, right now – to vow to be victorious in our lives in a way we never would have been without this crisis. This is a bit of a new idea, I’d imagine. This doesn’t mean, “this had to happen for me to be a success in life”. This is: Since this did happen, I’m taking it on and creating value out of it. Winning is our decision to make. It is in our hands.

The Aftermath is PTSD and CPTSD: This is Normal

2. The Unavoidable Fallout of the Traumatic Event

What happens when we realize: The calls are coming from inside the house, as in every scary babysitter there’s-someone-in-the-house movie? What happens when the person we knock boots with is actually the monster? What happens is hell, but I don’t have to tell you that… What we do is decide to restor our lives

Turns out a sociopath and their target are constantly living in two different realities in the same moment. – We’re never in the room for the same reason.

The first three words refer to stress after trauma. That “D” on the end, stands for “disorder.” Please don’t imagine that “disorder” is more than a clumsy word for meaning anything other than the normal and expected need to heal.

Think about it like this, if we break a leg are we “disordered”? Do we need psych drugs? Do we need antidepressants to be ourselves again?

Usually, we just need healing. Usually, family and friends, even neighbors rally around us with hot meals, pillows, and good books. It’s similar in the PTSD after a sociopath. But different.

We weren’t in relationships, these are scams, and that’s why there’s trauma. Don’t believe me… Read what these nasty creatures say about things like the death of a family member, or maybe their mom.

Recover From a Con Man: You Can Heal, Restore, Renew

3. Healing

In true love scam recovery, it’s common that victims blame themselves. Self-blame is a trait of all post-traumatic stress. Survivors of plane crashes, fires, earthquakes, wars, and certainly wars and genocide suffer from this. In these instances, it’s called survivors guilt. 

They beat themselves up with: Why did I live?! Why am I the one? Why did they die?! – Plagued with feelings of guilt that they could have done something differently to save others. Depression, weight loss, suicidal thoughts, despair, lethargy, exhaustion, physical illness, and grief become daily companions. Sound familiar?

We must actively participate, create, sculpt, define, demand, and find our recovery and restoration. Be aware of what you believe this all was… Sometimes it’s basic beliefs we’ve taken on about this that get in the way of restoring our lives.

For example, if you feel you need to “do the work“ on yourself and become a better person in order to recover, consider that you may be adopting and accepting ideas that place the blame for this happening at your feet.

This represents a skewed and inaccurate recovery model that will take you not to recovered but to more disappointment and despair, and bad feelings about yourself.

While self-improvement is fine, self-improvement or an improved self wasn’t lacking or needed as the cause or the preventative for this life-jacking you were dragged through.

Remember everything they did was about and for themselves. It has nothing to do with you.

Post-Traumatic Stress Is Normal

Yes. Because post-traumatic stress is post-traumatic stress. We think we see him around the corner. These moments we weep, tremble and have nausea anticipating his next move or a court date. In turns we feel stupid, foolish, maybe even think it’s our fault – we aren’t and it isn’t. 

One of the hallmarks of PTSD is having thoughts that have no place in the realness of life. This is a reason to not take our thoughts seriously during this time. To be patient. To embrace ourselves with compassion. We are beautiful.

There Is No Side-Stepping the Post Trauma

Just like accident victims see the airline or car crashing all over again. Veterans hear the screams of battle we think we see them around the corner or across the street or turning left at the light ahead in traffic. Our survivor’s guilt is sometimes: Why did I let him do that to me? – Why? Because we’re human. Because we’re trusting, loving people – who believed a monster in disguise.

There’s no shame in being good. There’s no blame for not being clairvoyant. And news flash – real inside surreal: they didn’t do it to us. We could have been anyone. It wasn’t personal. There’s really nothing about us that made us attract or bring the conning scammer to us – nothing other than being a great person.

True love scam recovery takes specific care, just as with any other PTSD, healing takes time. We are not “disordered”, as in having a mental condition, in any other sense than in the need to heal.

Healing PTSD Takes Time, Patience, and Effective Healing Methods

The Confusion, Sadness, Sleeping… It’s all Part of Healing

The true love scam recovery cycle has ups and downs. Like any endeavor, there are steps forward and a tiny step back, move forward, back, further forward, and a bit back until we are fully healed.

Our physical, mental, and emotional health require restorative and rejuvenating care. Sleep, good nutrition, supplements like B and C, and adrenal support. Walking when we can. Yoga. Hiking. Swimming. Low-impact movement that gets oxygen flowing and our hearts stronger. Spend time only with family and those who love us. Friends who love us. Cuddle kittens and puppies. Don’t listen to love songs.

4. Recover From a Con Man: Rise Up

We Are Everything We Need

Blossoming from PTSD is possible! In complete healing, we rise up like the Phoenix from the ashes; creating a beautiful life because of having gone through the despair.

The word crisis in Chinese translates to opportunity. We can, in fact, rewire the synapses in our brains to erase and heal the trauma. There is nothing we could have done differently. What we do now, that’s the thing that matters.

A sociopath aka monster knows quite well that by being themselves, the lives of people they make use of and deceive are shattered into shards. They don’t understand what you’re going through. They don’t care about what you’re going through.

Find every answer.

These Beasts Know What They Are

They are precisely what they are and are severely limited in this. It’s their brain, wired with the inability to feel positive bonding emotions. Like a slithery reptile, they may take pleasure from lying in the sun, but also like a reptile they take pleasure in eating their prey, even their own children.

Sociopaths and what you might think of as a narcissist live every day of their lives needing us. Or someone like us. Some human who thinks they re normal. — That monster needs you for survival… not the other way around.

At times, I thought the malevolent being I married and I were sharing a laugh, a  joyful moment, or a sense of accomplishment over a goal we reached together. None of this is true. Turns out, a sociopath and their target are constantly living in two different realities within the same moment. – We’re never in the room for the same reason.

I’d find myself laughing genuinely, joyful and happy when we accomplished something that was part of what we were trying to achieve. I was the only one.

He was laughing at the ease with which he was scamming me, sickeningly gleeful at his betrayal (not a betrayal in a sociopath’s mind – simply their right), and feeling exaggerated elation at a win behind my back, using me without my awareness. A story you know well if you’re on these pages.

Sociopaths Love No One: Not Even Us, Or Her, Or Him

They’re all the same. – There is no woman, man, or child on the planet they will ever treat genuinely well, they’re incapable. There is no living person on the planet – no other woman who will ever be loved, or loved more, or loved better by them. They do not love… anyone.

There is no woman better for them. There’s no man more suited to them. A narcissistic sociopath’s world – their entire existence – is hell for anyone near them. Learn to reframe the nightmare or you’ll not be free. you can recover from a con man.

Welcome to the club; you’re not alone! There are so many (too many) men and women in the aftermath of a hijacking. Each gorgeous one of you “replaced” even before they met you in essence. There are always several, maybe dozens of simultaneous true love scams going on. The parasitic, predatory sociopath aka narcissist juggles women and men like oranges or tennis balls.

Resources Without Consent

You’re a source: of money, food, shelter, sex, respectability, connections, whatever it is they scammed us for. The sociopath who hijacked me, while we were married and living together as it turns out had at least the following.

Two other wives, 18 kids, three fiances, three other women he lived with, two women sending him money every month, one man sending him money every month, another man sending him $2,000 at a time randomly here and there, nine girlfriends – all who thought he loved them and only them – and ten to fifteen satellite women – and men – at any given time. This is what they are. Even if we don’t discover it all, the rate of shocking information is higher than the sky.

You were, as I was, an ATM. And the thing about ATMs is that there’s always another one around the corner. Sociopaths and what you might think of as a narcissist live every day of their lives needing us. Or someone like us. Some human who thinks they’re normal. — That monster needs you for survival… not the other way around.

You, We as Normal Humans Are Awesome

There’s a healing bright side to all this: It wasn’t personal. They didn’t do it “to us”. Bizarrely we could have been anyone. We are replaceable and interchangeable. So, cut him or her off in our hearts and we are free.

When I saw precisely how cruel, cold, calculated, and hideous this thing standing before me was, all care for him evaporated. 100% gone. Does this mean I was immediately okay? no. Not by a million miles. But I made myself okay. It took intuition, information, time, support, friends, and family, and won back in all ways what winning was in this nightmare for me. You can too.

Kick ’em in the behind and get them gone. Go no contact, be a non-threat. Then repair, rejuvenate and thrive! Embrace our lives. Beam the compassion and empathy, loyalty, and caring they targeted us for on ourselves.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Feel free to email me for coaching at personalized rates, jennifer@truelovescam.com

Time to Thrive!

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2015_07_25 2023_10_08

Sociopaths Hate Us: So Does the “Narcissist”

Sociopaths hate us and at the same time
need us so desperately.
As any parasite, they can’t live without a “host”.

Narcissistic users know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. We’re resilient, mentally flexible, and have nuance emotionally.

sociopaths hate us

We have the advantage of being fully-real people who can love and feel, with our souls rooted in compassion. With an unseen bond with one another. This is a potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life and the stuff human kindness is made of.

This gorgeous human magnificence is exactly the stuff absent from the brain, heart, mind, and soul of the most narcissistic predator of all predators: the sociopath or psychopath, no matter how they got here.

The psychopath’s and the sociopath’s abnormal brain renders them loveless
and without conscience.

Time for answers. Discover the real deal.

The Narcissistic User Knows We Have the Power

Something a bit tough to take in is that sociopaths fear us even as they use us. They know that we can ruin them with exposure. And – they never, ever can understand our world. They’re flying blind. The results of their actions are uncertain and unknown to them.

When they sense that we know what they are, their constant fear – normally tucked away under the obtuse, criminal boldness born of their abnormal brains, turns to rage. It’s then their rage that exposes them further as they operate in frenzied improvisational reaction moment to moment.

Everything about the sociopath is a duality, a contradiction, and plays out in an endless tightening cycle of ruin. Their very own limited brains and closed circuit of self is the very thing that gives them away. So, sociopaths hate us, and sociopaths need us.

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control
by Jennifer Smith

On Amazon, Paperback

Or for your Kindle App or Reader

Our Great Goodness is Our Saving Grace

The very qualities within us they hijack and make use of for their (temporary) personal gain, are the same qualities about us that lead us to see through them, to leave them, and to heal and recover, stronger, wiser, and more humane than before.

This makes sociopaths hate us even more. They simply have no capacity to comprehend our world or our emotions. We, on the other hand, can understand theirs and so, by understanding how their minds work, render them ineffective in their scams and harm.

Discover what’s really behind gaslighting.

Sociopaths Hate Us from Day One

So, sociopaths hate us. Even the day we met. Once we see through them the hate is let out of the cage. And so, all along and finally more so in the end, sociopaths are their own undoing.

There’s no way under the sun that they don’t give themselves away. The same limitations in their brain biology that makes them want what they want, and do what they do lead to giving themselves away.

Sociopaths Hate Us and Fear Us: The Sociopath’s Weakness

The thing they can’t get around is the constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds make them predictable. They need to appear nice and upstanding to combat their fear of being caught, yet in the heat of discovery unplanned, improvised things they say and do bring them down.

Their predictability, mental limitations, transparent lies, and ranting leave gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters. Sociopaths hate us for being what we are – human – and paradoxically hijack our humanity for their survival.

There are moments when no matter the
position of the body the soul is on its knees.

~ Victor Hugo

Climbing Up Out of The Abyss of the Sociopath’s Hatred

Ten months after marrying the man of my dreams the winding, hairpin turn, dead-drop roller coaster ride of disengaging my life from his ruination jerked into motion.

I felt every grueling, gut-punch, every head snap. Fear never left me. Grief slept and woke up with me each morning. Grief and loss are part of PTSD after a sociopath. – My grief wasn’t over lost love, but the loss of something I had thought was real. – Yours will be too.

Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust, and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and of how amazing we are.

Any care or concern for him vanished in one heartbeat. Seeing the truth behind his pretty face, I held no illusions or mistaken feelings that even a tiny breath of my life with him had been real. There had been no mutual moment of anything. He did his best to make me believe a deep vein of true love ran between us even during the ten days it took him to move out.

Those hideous moments flipped on a dime to his blatant contempt for me. As harsh as the hatred for me was – it was the truth. His fake sugar-candy sweetness, softness, and humility no longer soothed me; his false kindness was evil in disguise and held more danger than his open plots and insults.

A turn of the lens and the answers fall into place.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

We Decide What Winning Is

We can find value in this hell. Scrape this burning trip through pain for all the wisdom we can. Promise yourself you’ll win rather than be pulled under or scarred. Sociopaths need us to hold up their house-of-cards lives. We don’t need them.

Our brain has a center that lights up like a Christmas tree when we feel love or concern. Sociopaths’ brains do not register these feelings. They ain’t got no Christmas tree. We genuinely light up in love, joy, kindness as well as sorrow and grief. They think our emotions are ridiculous, a waste of time. Useless. They use our emotions to get what they need – so they falsely think they are in charge.

They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or loosing things they’ve taken.

Sociopaths are classified as “antisocial psychopaths”, and the last thing we want to be doing is dating one, or marrying one. They’re sometimes now referred to as having an “antisocial personality disorder,” which is not a fixable disorder. Some people call them narcissists, as borrowed from another medical, mental health classification: a malignant narcissist.

The description of a malignant, covert, or overt narcissist is, in essence, describing a sociopath. For our purposes, consider a malignant narcissist a sociopath. We aren’t doctors, insurance companies, and social services; that’s who those definitions in the DSM were written for. Base your escape and recovery on your experience, not a medical manual.

Puzzle pieces fall from the sky.

Antisocial Psychopaths Do Their Best to Seem Normal

Sociopaths mimic our emotions as best they can – which is truly not very well or we wouldn’t be reading these pages. They steal the contents of our hearts and our wallets, they borrow and hijack our lives and remain bereft of compassion and love as a desert is of water.

When it comes down to it – their only power is that we didn’t know what they were. When we see them behind the mask, they know it’s time to go. And they know when we’re seeing through long before we could imagine they do.

Pathological predators want (need) to look like the good and respectable “victim,” take our money and anything else they can, have a kid here or there, feel like they are King or Queen… and move on before being caught. Or before their boredom overwhelms them.

We Win When We Accept That They Exist

By understanding their primal, reptilian brain we can make that “going” cleaner and easier for ourselves, there are “break-up musts” when it comes to escaping a sociopath – even if you call them a narcissist.

That said: do not tempt a sociopath’s rage. It’s easy to ignite their erratic defense mechanisms. Do not underestimate the danger that a sociopath is. Without internal, self-inspired stops or controls of any kind on what they do, or say.

Entanglements of Darkness

The dark places they can take their rage is a places we never want to see. Their rage is born of the fear that they’ll be caught or have things they’ve taken, taken away. They never want to lose prey or the things they take.

It’s really important that we not argue with them, challenge them, or threaten them. This leads only to more pain and risk for ourselves.

They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or losing things they’ve taken. When you see what they are, do this: zip it. Stay silent. Get them out. Or go yourself. Hold onto what we are as gorgeous, glorious humane humans.

We Are Awesome and Our Own Angels

Use the sociopaths’ weaknesses to leverage them out of our lives and minimize the damage. Find real freedom, heal from the crime it was – there was no relationship. All the incredible innate and natural traits we possess as normal humans that render us their prey are also our saving grace.

Without our emotions we can’t build a life, love our children, or care for the real people in our lives: husbands, wives, moms and dads, our kids, or even see the beauty of a sunset. Since we’re full of complex emotional capacity, we can use intense difficulties or suffering to create depth and value.

Stand up! See the sociopath for what he or she is! The way to heal from what really went on is to reframe the entire debacle from the viewpoint of a sociopath’s mind.

Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust, and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and how amazing we are.

Find real answers… Let’s talk.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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