What is No Contact?

Why go no contact?
After a sociopath no contact is the way to take our life back.
We say it – but what exactly is no contact?
And why does it matter so much?

To make things super-de-duper clear in this horrendously unclear time here’s a handy-dandy list describing what constitutes “contact” and what we want to achieve: “no contact.” Keeping contact – exchanging raging emails and text messages – even “lovey-dovey” ones – not only keeps us in the mess and the lies – it creates new trauma.

Not talking to each other is advised in normal relationship breakups.
How much more critical is it in a true love scam…?!

Each bit of any contact prolongs our harm. A sociopath is always lying. They won’t offer up closure, an apology or a sincere exchange of any kind. Further contact inspires the sociopath to be violent or terrorizing. Contact could lead to our loosing legal battles for custody, divorce, annulment or restraining orders. Staying in contact can make us look as crazy as they say we are. Go no contact. All the way. Be fearless – and free.

Sociopaths don’t care how we feel or what we say.
To a sociopath – any contact is good contact.
Any contact means they pull the strings.

This is a situation that demands our head winning over what might linger in our heart. The sociopath who hijacked us intended no good for us no matter how charming they were – or are. They will never, ever be anything good they promised. Strictly establishing no contact and keeping no contact will influence our future in the days to come and long-term. Staying no contact is to protect our kids.

Staying In Contact Does This: Attorneys and Judges frown on those standing before them keeping contact with the sociopath abuser, we’re divorcing, seeking an annulment from or trying to keep our children from. Unless a specific communication with them is requested by an attorney, staying in contact – makes us look unreliable, untrustworthy, unstable and indecisive to judges, child services, counselors, police and attorneys. Staying in contact blows our claims of abuse, defrauding, theft, and all the rest straight out the window. We lose big-time if we stay in contact. Go no contact.

This is Staying In Contact. This is what we don’t want to do:

Let their calls ring through to our phones. – Even if we don’t answer.
Call their number and hang up.
Dial their number to their voicemail.
Take their phone calls.
Call them.
Leave them messages.
Listen to their voicemail messages.
Let emails from them land in our inbox.
Read emails they send to us.
Respond to their emails.
Sort through their emails because we have their password.
Read text, SMS, private Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat or any messages from them.
Respond to any messages from them.
Initiate any messages to them.
Look at their Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or any of their online images, or media.
Look at their “friends” social media pages.
Sort through their posts looking at their new target or for other victims.
Look at old photos of them in our phone or on our FB page or anywhere else.
Sort through our wedding photos or other pictures of him or us.
Keep things that remind us of him or her.
Make an alias FB account so we can look at their page that we blocked.

There is one exception to keeping contact: Only if an attorney tells us to send a particular message to the sociopath from our email for a legal step in any legal process. These emails are then forwarded as is to the attorney for said legal process.

Across the social media spectrum and all online activity:
Change all passwords, logins, usernames and pins. Immediately.

This is No Contact:

Facebook:

Using the BLOCK function in the Privacy settings of Facebook to block them.
Doing the same with all mutual “Friends” or connections on Facebook.
Not looking at their Facebook page.
Not looking at their friends’ Facebook pages.
Not looking at our (now former) friends who are “Friends” on his or her Facebook page.
Never private messaging him or her.
Not messaging any of his or her “Friends”.
See here: Block Sociopaths on Facebook D.I.Y. Guide

Email:

Get a new email address.
Don’t give them this new one.
Do not email them.
Do not read any emails they send you to any email address whatsoever.

Keep Old Messages: Archive old emails and texts that may be needed to show violence, intended violence, marriage fraud, name calling or harassment or refusal to follow procedure in divorce, annulment or other legal matters. Make sure they have time date stamps and clear indication of whose device it’s from (theirs) and to whom (you or other targets.) Keep these as screen shots, print outs, and files on a thumb drive. Save copies for you. Forward them to your attorney.

Cell Phones:

There’s a BLOCK function on smart phones per each phone number. Use it with his or her’s.
Alternately – call your service provider and have them enter the number as “Blocked”.
No calls or texts from that number can come in after that.
Alternately – Login to our online account with our service provider and block the numbers.
Do not ever answer any calls in future coming in as: BLOCKED or UNAVAILABLE.
Don’t answer calls from an unknown number.
BLOCK the unknown numbers as you did his or her’s. Yes. The sociopath’s.


More things we don’t want to do:

Believe This: We might want the sociopath to hurt like we did – sure, me too, even prefer him dead. So, some stay in contact to call them names and fight with them to hurt them. Uhm. News Flash: Sociopaths do not “hurt.” Sociopaths have no feelings. – From their point of view: if we’re engaging in any way, they still own us. It’s only us who hurt from contact. No contact is what hurts them. Go and stay no contact.

Get a new or used-new phone and a new number. A used-new phone can be just the ticket right now.

Do not load old contacts. Enter them old-school one by one… Only the good ones.  – In extreme cases consider a pre-pay burner phone for 6 months or so.

Read more about No Contact here. Self Care Haven

Instagram, Pinterest:

Nope. Nothing. Don’t look at theirs. Block theirs and all associated with them. Period.

LinkedIn: Ditto as above.

Snap Chat: Nope. We BLOCKED their number in our phone. See Cell Phones above.

Facetime: See Cell Phones above – their number is blocked!

Skype: No. No Skype. Zero. Zip. Nadda. Zilch.

Land Lines: Change our voice greeting to default. Screen calls. Better yet: Change our number.

FAX Number: Again if we have a land line for faxing – change the number.

It must be pretty clear – we also don’t meet them for coffee, to trade our belongings or to have sex. We don’t go out to dinner, meet them at a club, meet them with friends. Follow the rules of leaving a sociopath. We re-key our doors or change out the entire locking mechanism on our doors. We do not answer the door if they drop by. No. Never. I know we all know this, but I’m just sayin’. Go No Contact. All the way. Forever.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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