We all do it. How can we not do it?
We’re human after all.
No Contact is the way to break free.
Breaking No Contact can bring us freedom too.
A True Love Scam Reader’s Guest Post ~ E.R.
I fell in love with a cute, charming, tender, sensual, simple, strong man. We met on a beach holiday. We emailed and talked and sent texts when I was back home; I went back to visit every 6 months to get to know him better.
After a lot of pain I ended our relationship. I went no contact, but then I broke no contact. In defense of breaking no contact: I learned a lot. I learned who he really was by spying on his life on social media. – By breaking no contact I learned that his Facebook is a sort of display of his love-conquests.
Breaking no contact I learned the women he allowed on his Facebook were all women he slept with or women he tried to sleep with; women on holiday paying him with stuff. Easy prey for him; all part of consensual sex-tourism. Those women were his main Facebook ‘friends’; those who paid for his fake feelings for a week or two.
By breaking no contact I learned my sweetheart was a beach Giglio.
He has friends – other guys – who live at that tourist beach too for the same reason: to live as parasites off tourists; women traveling for vacations and a little fun. I learned that if he was offline for a few days and I couldn’t reach him it meant he was having an affair with some new tourist that came along.
I learned from his Facebook that he randomly ‘friends’ people he does not know, among which I saw: one Brazilian gay man, and a too-young girl from Indonesia.
I learned that when he checked into a city on Facebook, it meant that was the city a prey was living in. The One(s), The Full Active Prey were not on his Facebook. Never. But he did check into the cities they were from.
I learned that liking the page of a business or a soccer team, was the sign he was engaging in cheating with a woman related to that activity.
His email taught me a lot too:
I learned his email was full of online dating emails.
I learned he subscribed to a website to win a U.S. green card from.
I learned from his email and sms that he was still missing and loving his ex-girlfriend for the first 8 months I was in his life.
I learned from his email that he had another ‘official girlfriend‘ for 6 months when he was already ‘official’ with me. And he sent her exactly the same loving messages he used with me. He even re-used a little poem I sent to him, sending it to her.
Now that I broke up and went no contact, and then behind his back spied on his Facebook, I am learning that he is still the same. Despite the (fake) apologies and pathetic attempts to keep me in his crazy life, he never even stopped for a second to enjoy pornographic images, ‘friend’ new lovers, and say what he said to me to anyone else who would listen.
This is teaching me that all that happened had nothing to do with me; He cheated and lied when I was sweet as much as when I broke up with him; when I was questioning him as much as when I blindly trusted him; when I was The One and when I am no longer in his life.
Although I am not fully respecting No Contact by spying on his social media, although the first reaction to seeing him with other girls is still painful, I learned something for me. I learned to rationalize: for my benefit. I rationalized for him for a very long time, in order to put some logic in his nonsense; now I am using what he ‘taught’ me to rationalize in my favor!
Looking at him now helped me look beyond my emotions and repeat to myself like a mantra that he is still the same, will always be the same: A cute, good-looking heartless-cheater.
Thank you, E.R. for sharing the sweet inside the bitter.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
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