Love bombing is an explosion of rapid fire attention, flattery, contact.
All sociopaths are alike. They think they’re unique and über special. They are special for sure – special cases of wrong-doing, life-ruining parasites. There are strictly 5 stages of true love scam. It all begins the first millisecond a sociopath makes contact with a person. Any person. The sociopath looks into the crowd – with one thought: which person will serve my needs. The sociopath assesses for “scamability.” The assessment covers whether someone represents what the con man wants – and how easily he might get it.
The fact is: every single amazing one of us can be scammed. Every one. Even the cynic. No one is exempt. It’s really a matter of life circumstances – not position in life, but more profound things. Unseen conditions: timing, our state of mind, awareness, our self-perception, our internal life condition, our mood and deep inner-realm things in the moment of meeting a sociopath. And it matters greatly if we’re attracted to them or not. If we aren’t they over look us. – There’s nothing wrong with a person who’s scammed. There is everything wrong with the sociopath.
We are not weak. We are not stupid.
We are human.
Our humanity is what sociopaths take advantage of. This is why anyone and everyone has the possibility of being conned. – This does not equate to: all people will be scammed. No. Everyone will not be conned, played, or true love scammed. No. Definitely not. This first nano-second of contact determines all. All begins with a sociopath’s number one tactic: assessment.
Sociopaths are looking for those who are open, secure, up for an adventure, looking for something new in their lives, ready to make changes, optimistic, and have had loss, understand grief, are forgiving, loving, believe in second chances, believe in love, and invest in and treasure friendships and relationships.
The initial moment of contact: Tactic number, one the assessment.
Sociopaths test every person they meet for scamability. When a love bombing sociopath meets a person who is in the exact state of mind and prime moment in life to be hooked and reeled in as fresh prey a click factor registers. That’s the hook. It’s attraction. It’s kismet. It’s “meant to be.” (There kinda is no such thing, but that’s another article.) They do make sure we “feel it.” – They do this to every one of their targeted women or men — there are many of us all at once.
They yank the line and reel us in with: love bombing.
A sociopath clings to a new victim like a fly to a horses tail. They stick to us like glue. They are there every second. They text, call, FB message, chat us up, take us out, hang, flatter and flirt non-stop. Love bombing galore. There’s intense immersion right away. Their intensity towards us continues or lightens depending on the love bombing sociopath’s success during the first few days. Love bombing sociopaths aren’t “loving” — they’re hunting. That’s the very essence of a sociopath. If we aren’t sufficiently responsive or conditions are wrong they move on.
The more we know about them the better.
Sociopaths look for human good-hearted people.
Sociopaths are monsters. They practice their entire lives to seem normal to fit in. They want us to trust them so they can use and take. They lie and scam and take – from anyone and everyone. In love, in business in the religious realm, in every arena and in every moment of every day, every where they go. Realize what we’re up against: a being with an entirely different brain than ours. They do not think like we do. They don’t experience any human interaction in the way we do.
Their entire purpose and outlook is geared to get what they want and not get caught or be held responsible. They do this with Just ordinary words that end up controlling our behavior and thinking because: we’re emotional beings. — And this is effective – until we see through them.
At the same time sociopaths are boring, predictable, limited and dumb. Their stupidity, their extreme vanity, their fantastic claims and shallow tricks are darkly humorous once you recognize them. Seeing the ridiculousness is a tiny prize – a break – in the midst of horror when they’re ensconced in our lives, or when we’re in the post traumatic stress after a sociopath.
Fortunately, their love bombing technique can be easily diffused. At any time breaking contact with a sociopath ends the game. Before the game begins in earnest – before they’re anywhere near making us think we’re crazy – slowing down and controlling contact is key.
Trust your instincts.
If something feels wrong – even though it looks so good – it is wrong.
Instincts are always right.
How to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath
Go old-school – old fashioned dating rules with a contemporary touch up. You might not like this. – But it’s a sure-hit approach to thwarting a love bombing sociopath. Is this a silly idea..? Maybe. However – certainly going old-school is preferable to even one week with a sociopath. It could go like this:
1) No extended texting – no more than 10 minutes talk time.
Limited text and phone time side-steps the false feeling of deepening a relationship. Relationships don’t develop in Whatsapp messages, Snapchat or cell phone chat. Relationships happen through spending time together. Period. Over extended time – as in calendar time. Not 5 days 24/7 jammed up under each other.
Misinterpretation and the normal flutter of being-a-new-relationship-hopes infuse our one-sided, dreamy interpretations to flirty texts or late-night hours on the phone. These night-time digital exchanges don’t make a relationship under even the very best of circumstances. This way of communicating is a trap with a sociopath – and they count on us falling in. It puts us right where they want us. We’re easily believing there’s a whole lot going on between us with zero real investment or effort on their part.
Use texting for simple communication only. Such as: I’m almost there, see you in 15. Or: I’m running late. Or: The address is 639 Wonderland Drive. Parking on the side street.
Use phone calls – from him – to let him ask you out. Yep. – do not call him. Later call him once to every three or four calls from him until you’re actually a couple. And really know one another.
2) Go on one date per week maximum.
Limit dating time. Sociopaths move fast. They want the romance to swell into a crescendo – of “deep commitment” and often cohabitation – within 1 to 4 weeks. To do this they need to see us often, maintain heavy contact and see us mainly alone or in an setting they control.
Have other things to do. Make our life the center of our life. Date no more than once per week. Don’t fool ourselves with – oh, we’re just hanging out. A sociopath is never just hanging out. They’re working. On pulling in a victim.
3) Start dating in groups. Make dates an activity.
Sound nuts…? Wait until this guy or gal turns out to be a sociopath, then nuts will take on actual meaning. Here’s the thing… Why in the world – really – would we ever go out in the evening to dinner, a movie – a walk on the beach – with … a stranger??
I know. I know. It’s done all the time. It’s normal. Americans meet online, or in a bar or at a party and easily exchange numbers, information and go on a date – alone – together – solo. It is a part of our culture. But – why…?!
Dating in the US used to be in – or grew out of – spending time in groups as is still the case in France or Italy, Brazil, Argentia, Spain, Denmark… do we need more examples? In these cultures each person is known quite well by at least two or three others in the group. Even then it takes time – time spent with the group – before any one would consider a solo alone time date.
Sociopaths prefer privacy. Sociopaths immediately separate us from the group. From family. From friends. If we agree only to group dates a sociopath will bail by date three. Isolation is key to a sociopath’s dating success. Isolation is needed for true love scam.
So get a group – go bowling, hiking, to art walks, free concerts, day time fun things that reveal people’s true character and personality through group interaction. A sociopath can’t hold up as a real functioning person in a group – because they aren’t.
Ask friends what they think of him. Take their answers to heart. Trust friends.
4) Online research.
What is this guys name? Who are his friends? Look through his Facebook with open eyes. A cold examining eye. Look for patterns. Is everything he – or she – posts about themself? (Bad.) Does he have family – parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends who consistently comment and support over the life of his Facebook presence? (Good.) Does he show anger at others, does he rage in posts? (Bad.) Are most of his friends and comments from women? (Bad.) Are photos all of him? Or him with celebrities? (Bad.) Is there a guy or two who posts on his page: Dude, I haven’t heard from you – what’s up? I can’t reach you?! (Bad.)
Google him. Verify any posting related to him – trace it’s origin. He likely planted a good reputation and super achievements online. Did you find unclear or contradicting information? Does he move a lot? Change jobs a lot? (Bad, bad, bad.) (Run, run, run.)
Special Rule Number 5 to Detect a Love Bombing Sociopath.
5) Really look at his or her eyes.
Sociopaths are shape-shifters. They change externally as their game goes through ups and downs. Sociopaths have a top-of-the-world-charmer-face used for meeting and greeting. They have a suspicious-face that slips in place when they’re suspicious of danger to their game. A cunning victory-face when things are going well, a scary I-will-get-you-face, and even a creature-in-hell-face when their world of lies unravels – because a sociopath and the truth are like a cold bucket of water to the Wicked Witch of the West.
When you find images of them, (Google images) examine, rather than interject our own – Oh, he’s so cute and sweet – and, She’s so pretty! Cover up the bottom smiley part of their face. Look closely at the eyes only. Now cover one eye. Then the other, looking at them each singly. Another element to look out for is looking almost like a different person from photo to photo. Does their expression or our impression of them vary in photos. Sometimes they look really good and nice and then sometimes – well – kind of scary or creepy, or blank, or crazy. Who is he with? Where is she? Is he always partying? – Is he posing with lots of different women..? Or no women…? Flashing cash, cars…? Are most of the photos of themselves? Showing themselves as great parents with children all around them? – These are give-away signs. Trust your instincts over social programming or dreams of a white dress and wedding bells or a house full of children and a wonderful homemaker wife.
There are good reasons to take a page out of tips on dating: It’s Just a F***ing Date, by Greg Behrendt.
We will not be scammed. We, my friends, will thrive! And as a bonus here’s a new perspective on happiness in a Ted Talk with Shawn Achor. He doesn’t say a thing about sociopaths…. That’s the point. Sociopaths are not really real. They’re a zombie-empty-shell of made-up stories and lies. We are real. And we can be who we want to be – sociopath free!!
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!
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