Tag Archives: signs of a narcopath

3 Reasons Narcissistic Sociopaths Tell Stories

We Think They’re One Person: They Know They’re Another

In other words they want to hide who they really are. Because – they do know that who they really are isn’t the guy we think they are. And that guy they really are, isn’t a guy we’d stick around for.

And then – on the other hand – these stories are a dip into who they really are – and this is intentional on the part of the sociopathic nutbag. You see, it gets exhausting hiding the things they’re really up to, and they don’t give a poop about our feelings anyway, so they feel it out. This is a way to monitor their own safety and how hooked we are as well and that is the lynchpin of a sociopathic dumb-dumbs survival: their safety and being able to take and use (us) more.

These stories are a foray into showing us a snip and a bit in case – just in case – we won’t mind who they really are, or a particular habit they have. Afterall, things would be so much easier for them if we didn’t mind who they really are and the grosser and more inhuman things they do. And so, stories serve three purposes that all feed into us staying “in” no matter who they are or who we think they are. The stories are a kind of test to see what we can tolerate.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Gotta Make Sure We Side With Them

Sociopaths Tell Stories of Preempt the Truth

We tuck it away under that rug in that little corner of our mind where many strange bits of their behavior are gathering.

When they launch into a bit of a story, they’re talking with a purpose we might not register. They’re telling a version of some part of their life. It could be a retelling of some hideous things they’ve done with a pretty mist over it so that their story makes us think they didn’t do something hideous.

They do this when a fact about them might be coming to our awareness that they know would blow up the scam, such as something about kids they have or another wife, or an arrest.

This is to preempt the truth… so that when or if we do hear the truth, we’re on their side and won’t believe the truth no matter the source.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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It’s Everywhere

Real Life Example: The day before I told the sociopath I’d married to leave, a woman in another country sent me a FB message, “Do I know you?” – Nope, sure didn’t. But I’d come to know her very, very well. The man I was married to had been living with her for four years. She and their eight-month-old baby. At the same time she sent that message to me, she tapped one off to him, asking him who I was. Somehow she’d put parts of two and two together and come up with very fishy. She decided to ask her partner – my husband – who the heck I was. That very night the sociopath – my husband who I knew as childless, single and once divorced, told me about his four, 4, four children – for eight hours, until the wee hours of the morning.

Why did he suddenly tell me ten months into our marriage about his four kids…?

Because the woman who messaged me had one of his kids. And because he knew that she also knew about another woman in the same town who had three more of his kids. The loser nut-bag needed to get his version in before the other woman and I talked. But that version was far from the truth. It was only enough truth to preempt the snip of truth the woman in Europe who messaged thought was the truth…but wasn’t.

The Real Truth I did talk with that woman in Germany and we became very good friends. a few years later, I visited her and met her (and biologically his) gorgeous little child, whom I love to this day. – What she and I both now know is, these four children have at least 8 other siblings. Two of those 12 are the same age as the one I’ve met. Yes: the woman who messaged me lives in a town with two other kids the same age as hers fathered by this nutbag. Those three children all have different mothers. None of them know they have half-brothers or sisters, yet live in the same city. One of those babes have three older sibs also fathered by this nutbag. Potentially, all six of these kids in the same small town, four girls and two boys, could go to high school together, end up on the same swim team… or date or marry each other. – This is just one of the kinds of things they try to hide, cover-up, and lie about.

Sociopaths Like To Talk About Their Exploits

Sociopaths Tell Stories as a Way to Talk About Themselves

Just like normal humans, sociopathic monsters want to talk about their day or wax poetical about something they did last week, or years ago if it’s especially cool to them. The problem is – they can’t really talk about the truth of the horrible things they did.

They can’t stand around the water cooler when their co-worker asks, “Hey man, did you see American Horror Story last night?” and then answer, chest-puffed and smirk in place, “See it!? I lived that s**t!! I gave some chick a rufie and dragged her over to the back of the…”

There is no normal guy hearing this at the water cooler who’s going to respond to that gruesome reality with, “Wow cool!! Does your girlfriend know?” – That would be another sociopath’s response. And so, in order to rattle on about their exploits, they tell stories about things someone did to them, or that someone else did to someone else… But here’s the decoder key: They’re the “someone” in their story. The “someone” who did the bad thing. They’re talking about what they did to someone else, or to several someone else’s.

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Like Us, Narcissistic Sociopaths Like to Talk About Their Day

They like to talk about their accomplishments, but a sociopath mixes and matches their stories. They create an amalgamation of the lying and the slightly real parts of their lives.

They do this as they yammer about things they did to someone, and mix in snips of truth and lies from another part of their life, folded in under a new headline. The changes in the story make them sound bigger, better, and more amazing.

The Story That Keeps on Growing

We might hear them tell a story to other people that we’ve heard from them before. But: the story is falling out of their gob in a different version than they told us. This is super-de-duper common. When there’s an embellishment or different twist to the story as they blab away in front of others while we stand by dumbfounded, the last thing we’re going to do is jump in and say he’s telling his story wrong! No, we smile. We put on a smile outside while our head spins inside.

We’re magnanimous by nature as normal humans, admittedly some of us are more magnanimous than others, but all of us tend to be in a social setting. It’s called manners. And while under the influence of a sociopath? We absolutely follow social protocol and tuck the oddness of the enhanced tale away and under some little rug in a corner of our minds where many strange bits of their behavior are gathering. This is beyond our control; it’s the natural effect of a parasitic predator.

Here’s on that happened to me: The nutbag told a part of his past in which he’d started a stunt school. The funding was via a government grant. He said to me he got 4-million dollars to build his stunt school. In front of another person, I heard him say he got 4.5-million. In reality, he got one-million. Filed the application in fraud because he knows nothing about stunts or teaching them. – The program was closed in a matter of months when three 18-year-old young men died playing games and performing hijinks under his tutelage. – No charges were made.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Toss Out Bait with Their Tall Tales

Narcissistic Sociopaths Tell Stories to Discover What They Can Get Away With and What to Hide

Things like, “You know Greg, right…? I found out when he was married to Shelia he got some other chick pregnant…” Then they close their mouth; they stop talking and wait. They’re waiting to see what we think of “Greg”.

Do we judge him and feel for “Sheila”, or do we say something like, “You know stuff happens, that’s life.” — Which makes them think, “Well, maybe she won’t flip out when she finds out about that other ‘ho who just had another kid of mine.” – They need us not to “flip out” and stay “in”, so they can keep taking.

Whatever the Story, It’s About Themselves

Maybe they say, “This guy at work and his wife are swingers! Can you believe people do that…?!” He’s waiting to see if we say, “Yeah, sure! I’ve kind of always wondered about what that’s like.” Or, “Euuwwwhh! That’s so gross!” He’s (or she is) fishing to see if we’d go along and join in, or if we’ll let them do it without us. They need to find out what they can get away with.

They need to know what is an absolute deal-breaker that cuts through the fog of the DMT of “love”. — “At my last job this woman told people I embezzled money from the fund. I didn’t do it. She did it. She tried to blame me because she was jealous of my promotion and wanted my job. I was helping her and she used my signature to…” And we’re off the races.

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Why Do Sociopaths Change, Mix-Up, and Forget Their Lies?

This flexi-world they live in comes out of their complete lack of emotional connection to anything. They’ve got no emotional nostalgia, memory or value for anything that goes on in their lives aside from how it connects to them getting things, using, getting away with it, looking like the good guy, or getting caught or not; there is no sentimentality, romanticism or wistfulness about anything in their lives.

The narcissistic sociopath feels no remorse or shame for the harm they bring to others. They might wish they’d lied better, taken more, got more, used more. They might think, I wish I coulda screwed them both over instead of just that one idiot. That’s as poignant as their nostalgia gets.

To the Pathological User’s Mind, They Have Done and Do No Wrong

Sociopaths – and every sociopath is a narcissistic sociopath by the way, and narcissists are sociopaths – they don’t want to face what we see as the normal consequences of things they’ve done. The truth is the narcissistic sociopath doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong.

It’s natural that we don’t see the full scope of what they’re thinking and doing. Based on our nature as normal humans, we hold out for proof of how bad they are. We then ask them what they’ve done or why sometimes we get the truth out of them. If we do get the truth we don’t recognize it because their world is so different than ours. – But mostly we get stories.

Bait and Hook: Bait and Hook

Think of everything a narcissistic sociopath says is bait. Every word out of their mouths is to see how far they can go, to see what they can get away with, to hide how they really feel, what they really are, to use, to take, to get away with taking, using, being what they are… to feel out if we’re seeing through them, to feel out what we’re going to do about it.

What we’re going to do about it is go zero contract and become non-threats. Take in the simplistic mind of a sociopath. Take in a surprising perspective that sets us free. Be sociopath proof, user-proof, and free.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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2018_01_29 2023_11_02

13 Red Flags: In Love with a User

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13 Warning signs we’re falling for
Mr. or Ms. Completely Wrong.
Key feelings that signal it’s time to step back.
No matter how perfect it feels.

Articles, blogs, books, and experts talk about red flags for recognizing a con man, a sociopath, a narcopath, a narcissist. The thing is, that’s really hard to do because it’s normal to trust – and not at all normal to assume someone is lying – let alone to recognize a lie for the lie that it is.

Make a realignment in our thoughts to be sure we don’t put any blame or shame on ourselves for being human in the face of their utter inhumanity.

In our world, we wonder, “Why would someone lie?“, even we see that they are. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath is need-to-know useful for breaking away from one of these creatures and shutting down their empty hot-air promises.

The truth is, these are criminals we’ve encountered. What we’ve encountered isn’t true love, but someone misrepresenting themselves; that is called fraud.

These entanglements are nothing but a scam, and larceny, intentional deception, abuse. They make for jaw-dropping stories; better than any movie we’ve ever seen; unfortunately it’s our actual real-life.

The Narcissistic Sociopath Next Door, Down the Street, at Work, in Our Bed.

So, how do we protect ourselves from all the sociopaths out there roaming around in our neighborhoods, or at work, or online… If we don’t really understand the signs and symptoms of meeting one of these creatures, we’d need to be on red alert constantly.

In order to avoid the estimated 12 million sociopaths in the USA, we’d never sleep. It would take extreme scrutiny; it’d be so exhausting maybe we’d maybe never want to venture outside again!

We Can Sidestep the User From The Moment We Spot Them

There aren’t two genuine people in this new exciting love thing; there’s beautiful us… and pathologically narcissistic them.

We’d be armed only with examining every barista for that intense stare; listening at any first date for them to break into an elaborate history of their stellar humanitarian, top-government-secret success.

Looking At People Around Us with Suspicion is No Way to Live

If the only way to detect a pathological user was by their behavior, we’d keep a constant watch for every co-worker’s relentless flirty flattery. We’d be on the lookout for every tale of woe about others who’ve done them wrong.

Throughout a day we’d be on pins and needles waiting for the danger signs, such as that declaration of deep affection within one hour of meeting.

And again 30 minutes later. Then flowers at our doorstep. And another text 20 minutes later… It would go on and on as we rationalized the kind gesture or debated in our heads, are they a love bombing, life invading sociopath…?

How Can We See Beyond and See the Real Clues

It’s one thing to be on guard checking someone else’s behavior, but couldn’t it be simpler than that? Yes indeedy, it can be easier, and far more reliable? How? How can we more certainly avoid getting into that love bombing stage – and get out before we get got?

Look into recovery sessions

How to Detect a Con Man

There aren’t two genuine people in this new exciting love thing; there’s beautiful us… And them. How ’bout the next time our cheeks flush and our hearts go pitter-patter at the glance of a man – we pause for a moment.

We’d go nuts sorting through the nuts if we couldn’t nail down the real clues to seeing through them. There’s a more direct route to detecting a pathological user in our midst, one closer to home. It’s us!

There’s one person to monitor for signs of falling in love with a sociopath; only one person to turn a honed hypervigilant eye toward.

Narrow Down the Odds of Being Hooked by a Narcissistic Sociopath

Here’s more good news: it comes down to this… not every Tom, Dick, and Harry sociopath can worm their way into our lives. Pretty nifty. Why is this…? Because to be entangled in a true love scam, we have to feel attraction for them. We have to be interested in them. Otherwise, we won’t notice them.

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We Think They’re Normal

We’re not going to fall in love with a sociopath who isn’t a guy we think is a regular guy we’d fall in love with. Make sense? – So, considering how rare it is to meet someone we’re interested in (at least for me) perhaps there aren’t so many sociopaths to skip falling in love with!

Overall, how many men (or women) do we meet per year that we’d like to date? How many per month? Per week? – Maybe not so many. So, when we meet up with a man that makes our hearts flutter, sending dancing butterflies flitting ’round our heads: we stop.

We’ve Got the Clues

Right there we pull the reigns. This is when we examine that one person that can give us all the clues. All the red flags to alert us to danger if this person is one of these bad apples are right there within ourselves.

We can step over the trap of falling in love with a sociopath monster by learning a different set of red flags…

The first signs of being targeted by a pathological user are seen within ourselves and at the time of the very first abduction attempt. We want to extract our gorgeous selves before we’re good-and-truly hooked.

13 Red Flags Shouting: Warning! Falling in Love with a Sociopath

If we’re about to fall in love with Mr. Completely Wrong red flags will wave. If we’ve been in love with a sociopath before, these signs will be familiar.

We are attracted and drawn to this person more powerfully than ever before to anyone. Or: we kinda aren’t interested, but we give them a try anyway for a nebulous reason we can’t even quite define.
We can’t believe how amazing he is! We can’t believe this Prince Charming likes us!
We live for and love every text, email, or phone call he makes to us; If he doesn’t call or text we crash, and plummet in an extraordinary way.
We feel like we might die without him. Really, we think we just might be nothing without him (or her).
He hints we are meant to be, soul mates, and the thrill is out of this world!
He talks about an old girlfriend who was amazing; we feel bound to be better. A female sociopath will flatter her male prey saying that he’s “out of her league”, every normal man is inspired and driven to convince her she isn’t.
We describe him as the kindest, sweetest, most perfect man in the Universe.
We’re a perfect match we’re so alike. We click. We fit. In ways we never imagined.
We think: Wow! It’s true: Kiss enough frogs and not just a prince, but a King has appeared!
He makes every other man we’ve dated seem like a Cracker Jack prize we settled for.
We feel over the moon. We feel we won the lottery. Only better.
We quite adamantly think anyone – a friend or whoever – who says this guy isn’t the greatest thing ever is wrong
Underneath it all, we feel unhinged.

Think about recovery coaching…

Prey Are Ensnared by Our Normal Human Emotions

And now we’re in love with a sociopath. He waits with his claws pulled in and his fangs out of sight while we prepare to serve the ever-hungry sociopath our beautiful selves on a silver platter.

This is all the effect of the hypnosis and snake-charming power of a sociopath; this isn’t actually love. After winning our trust, they’re ready to slurp us up and take us on a ride in hell along the five stages of true love scam. Genuine love or concern for us or caring will never be part of the deal. This isn’t love; this is an attack.

What is real love? It takes two to be in love. It takes two to build a relationship. It takes time to build a relationship. – As in months and years. Not days and weeks. Real love with a real person is complex enough; a sociopath is stealing our life. There is no love.

Love is a complex matter that is
a reflection of each person’s attitude
and philosophy toward life.
~ Daisaku Ikeda

We’re Brainwashed, Hypnotized, Injected with Venom

A relationship with a sociopath is made up of a monster-demon, life-sucking parasite, and a person (us) spellbound by the learned tricks of the con man or con woman sociopath. It’s a true love scam. We’re in love with someone who doesn’t really exist at all. Even for themselves, they are nothing unless we believe their lies.

There aren’t two genuine people in this new exciting love thing; there’s beautiful us… and pathologically narcissistic them.

How ’bout the next time our cheeks flush and our hearts go pitter-patter at the glance of a man – we pause for a moment. Whether this is a first, or we’ve been in love with a sociopath before: stop. Slow it down. Watch. Listen. To ourselves.

Take Dinner Off the Table

Return that silver platter carrying that super awesome, valuable hot dish of ourselves back to the kitchen. – And take the time for a brush-up lesson, a check-in on real love before we take one more phone call or return one more text.

Make a realignment in our thoughts to be sure we don’t put any blame or shame on ourselves for being human in the face of their utter inhumanity.