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A Sociopath, a Narcissist, and Their Children

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A sociopath makes use of their children
and ruins them for their own gain.
Non-pathological narcissistic parents
bring harm or pain from colossal to mild.

Nothing matters more to most parents than their children. Watching our children be hurt, or disappointed, ignored or treated badly is beyond heartbreaking. A parent who is a pathological sociopath – or a pathological narcissist – is something no child ought to have to endure or be subject to. Unfortunately, they do and they are.

The title of this article reads A Sociopath, a Narcissist and Their Children. I used the term “narcissist” to allow for those who feel they’re married to or dating a “narcissist” to find this information. In all realness: a pathological narcissist is a sociopath.

I’m going to take a few minutes here to explain this because this is so critical as it effects your children. This difference effects decisions you make for you and your children.

There’s so much to know
that we don’t know we need to know.
They aren’t what we think they are.
Knowing the real-deal will set you free.

Knowing The Difference Between a “Narcissist” and Sociopathy Is Critical

The problem is that the ideas floating around in the recovery community about what people are calling a “narcissist” are very often inaccurate. This is not purposeful, but in the spirit of attempting to understand and to heal.

The mix up comes in confusing the pathologically narcissistic person with the non-pathological. In other words, people can have what I call “narcissistic glitches”, but not be “pathological”. Pathological is the case when the person’s brain is the cause of their bad behavior rather than the bad behavior being due to a bad childhood or intimacy issues or a “narcissistic wound”.

A Narcissist is Not a Wounded Kid Who Had a Bad Childhood

It’s so important to know what we’re facing. In order to unwind the confusion and untangle the pain, it really helps to discern if the person you’re facing is pathological in their narcissism or are in fact, suffering from a really bad childhood and horrible parenting.

A sociopath, or a narcissistic parent and their children… This delineation that we can make between a narcissistic parent or a bona fide sociopath matters so, so much when it comes to the kids.

A Sociopath in Behavior is a Sociopath in Fact

My thinking is, anyone who behaves like a sociopath is best thought of as a sociopath for our safety and recovery. Thinking of a sociopath – and that person you call a narcissist – as a sociopath is more useful in terms of decoding what is happening in a confusing, painful relationship.

Non Pathological Narcissistic Glitches

Narcissistic people who are not pathological – people with narcissistic bits or glitches but not hijacking you for all you are – are a variation of normal. What I call “narcissistic people” aren’t in the realm of a sociopath in that they are not pathological. The narcissistic person has some narcissistic hick-ups and it can be painful interacting with them at times, but they are not invading our lives like a parasite.

Even the most narcissistic of narcissistic people is not trying to take us for all we have. They aren’t leaving all the bills for us to pay; they don’t have that black bottomless set of eyes. – If the person you’re facing uses you for money, for a place to live, disappears or is unavailable, says odd things, is moody and darkly grumbling – and most definitely if you’ve ever seen those black eyes, then best think of them as a sociopath.

Life With a Narcissistic Person: Under Their Thumb

With a non-pathological narcissistic person, we feel under their thumb. We can feel like we just can’t win with them or there’s no pleasing them. Some non-pathological narcissistic people are barely narcissistic at all! Time with them, friendships and families can work.

The intensity of their narcissistic bit varies from narcissistic person to narcissistic person. This is light years away from a pathological narcissist: the sociopath. One is narcissistic from some sad bit of childhood or as a personality glitch. The other is pathological, and is willfully, deceptively, and deliberately making use of you. If you feel “broken”, they are pathological and a sociopath.

Life With a Sociopath: Under Their Spell

Within the adult dynamic of sociopath and human – predator and prey – (that’s the sociopath and us) we know things are weird, but we can’t figure out exactly what it is. We feel like they lie yet there’s so much we can’t put our finger on. Things run more smoothly if we keep quiet.

As long as a sociopath, a pathological user (that some call a “narcissist”) gets to keep doing what they want to do without any challenge, expectation, argument or opposition for us, things stay safely calm. Weird but calm.

Factor Down the Crazy. Real Answers.

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Life Is Different With A Sociopath

With a sociopath, we feel as if we’re under their spell. There’s a big difference between a narcissistic person who is not pathological and the pathological narcissist aka the sociopath in a relationship. If we can get that sorted, we can then go on to understanding what the kids go through. We want to understand what this parent in question truly feels about the kids.

Breaking Up with Evil

“He’d give me the lecture and then go give the same one to my son. My son was left with the feeling he’d done something wrong…”

“When I did tell him I was pregnant, his attitude was a little off. He was extremely proud of himself for getting me pregnant, but his demeanor towards me was more like I had done what I was expected to do – get pregnant.” ~ Breaking Up with Evil, Chapter One, Caryn S.

Five women’s stories, “Dirty John” tales from real-life.

Our House Is No Longer Home

At home with a pathological user (the sociopath and that one you might call a “narcissist”) there are typically two variations of home life. The first is that they aren’t physically present very often with additional behavior that’s typical of this type. The second is they are there, a lot and even help with kids and make dinner.

Not Really Home

The sociopath who’s often gone from the physical home is also very busy when he is at home. They’re online a lot. They call this time online “work”, but most of us discover what they’re doing is watching porn and hunting prey.

They take the phone to the bathroom. They don’t participate in a real way with family life. We’re doing all the work. None of it is as fun as we want it to be, or thought it would be. We start to prefer them to be gone rather than be at home.

The Homebody Errand Boy

The other case is the sociopath who’s involved with the kids. They might drive the kids to school, and pick them up, and make their lunches and help with homework. They might run our erands, make dinner, and clean the house.

This looks good on the surface. And can seem good… yet inevitably there’s a time period where we talk to ourslves in our heads thinking we need them because how would we do all this without them?! Naturally – forgetting because we’re stunned in the fog of coercive control – that we did it all and did it better loong before we knew them.

Both situations have an oddness too them. We feel uncomfortable in the back of our mind, or pit of our stomach essentially, all the time. There are many problems in the house in both cases. Both include their rampant porn, confusion, money issues, uneasiness, unhappiness, deception, and issues related to our sex life with them.

A Darkness Prevails

This difference between a narcissistic person and a sociopath matters significantly. It matters so much in terms of the kids. A sociopath loves no one. The dark and heavy mood the sociopath (narcissist) makes within the household seeps into everything.

This is the case eventually, with both the absent sociopath or the homebody sociopath. The effort we have to take to keep things on balance, to keep things smooth and looking normal for the kids – all of it – is exhausting. We find ourselves not being truly present for our kids.

Kids Are Objects Too: Using Children

To a sociopath, their kids are just another target. Another toy on the table. A little something to use to make themselves appear normal. Additionally, kids provide a gate-way back into former prey. When we’re a parent and the other parent is a sociopath, we’re extremely vulnerable to letting that sociopath back in.

Sociopaths Pretend As a Way Of Life

Pathological users aka predators pretend to love their children. The sociopath can go unrecognized by courts, attornies, and can fool professional mental health specialists and psychologists. In therapy sessions they can be mistakenly perceived as bipolar, or as having PTSD – or as the total good guy. (Yes, fooled by those people who use the DSM to diagnose people.)

The misconceptions of what they are can lead to diagnosis or conclusions that they’re borderline – and holy-moley – covert, overt, or malignant narcissists. Which hello!… drum roll: plays out as a patholgoical person of narcissism behaving as a sociopath in daily life. Therefore, please think of a “narcissist” as a sociopath.

Sociopaths Make Loads of Kids They Do Not Love

It can seem illogical that socioapths – who hate kids – would have children at all. They abandon them, use them, abuse them. The children are a tool. This tool serves the purpose of leading other adults and people within society to view the sociopath or narcissist as normal and respectable.

When, in fact, male sociopaths abandon their kids fairly easily. Many kids. Often a trail of kids from many women. Female sociopaths have kids in marriage to appear normal as all sociopaths do. But more so, for the female sociopath they can use the kids as a meal ticket and a paycheck via alimony, child maintenance, property rights and more.

Kids and More Kids

We may not even know the number of children the particular sociopath who ensnared us has. They abandon them like litters of unwanted kittens. Here, a woman tells her story of discovering as an adult that she’s just one of eight children of her sociopath father.

The nutter I married has been discovered to have 18 known children and more like 23 that aren’t proven as his. But here’s what he told me about himself and children: 1) that he had no children, and 2) that he had 100s of kids all over the world, and 3) that he had a 4-year old little boy “for a little while” that he “gave back”.

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Parental Love with Narcissistic Snags

A nonpathologically narcissistic person has the capacity to love. This is a person who is not pathological but has a tweak of emotional self-absorption in some area or other of their lives.

Narcissistic people do love their kids. There are days that their love hurts like h-e-double-toothpicks. And this informs many things about our lives as we grow up and become adults. It can be painful-love and not at all the best of parenting, but it’s our mom or dad. In divorce, nonpathological narcissistic parents can and will and do hang around out of genuine love.

It’s case by case and an individual experience as to whether this narcissistic parent’s love is enough for the children to remain in their lives. Each child weighs their fits of narcissistic glitches against the tiems that are good. Some narcissistic parents are just too much; too many narcissitic glitches that effect aspects of life or hurt too much to remain involved with. Others are not so bad.

Resolve and Solve Our Experience Based on Our Experience

The DSM and mental health diagnostic categories aren’t written for us. It’s for medical coding, court codes, social services and benefits coding. The DSM has no information that is the voice of or insight into our experience.

The DSM is ongoing, changing with the very heavy and slow machine of research and a very conservative industry. It’s a collection of notes made by an outsider looking at the bug. The bug… not at our experience.

So, if the person in question in your life lies, causes confusion and chaos, cheats, uses our money, contributes little or nothing, or only after arguments consider them a sociopath. 

If they love bomb, blame, play victim, rage, insult, coerce, and in the end hoover us, consider them a sociopath for our purposes of escape and recovery.

Narcissistic abuse recovery, heal PTSD with Jennifer Smith True Love Scam Recovery

A Few Differences: Narcissistic People vs. Sociopaths

Narcissistic people can have egos the size of elephants. Or not. People who are narcissistic can criticize and make hurtful “jokes”. Most especially this is hurtful to their families, but also to their employees, and other people in their lives. The non-pathological narcissistic person can sometimes – or regularly – say hurtful things in front of other people. The pathological narcissist (sociopath) will not, because they must seem like the good guy.

Narcissistic people are not pathological liars who are pretending to be people that they aren’t. Non pathological narcissistic people don’t live off of other people or make use of others as a way of life. This is what sociopaths do.

Sociopaths Use Others

Sociopaths – narcissists – only use others; they make use of others. Association with others who are neuro-normal, such as yourself leads other people to believe they’re respectable, authentic and genuine because you are.

Because you’re hanging out with the sociopath (narcissist) people believe they must also be a normal, and good person. For the predator, the narcissist aka sociopath, hanging with one person leads to access to another person to use. All the people around the sociopath (narcissist) are used as far and as much as the user can make this happen.

Sociopaths live in a false world built of lies. The lies paint a picture of a person that doesn’t exist. They deceptively and fraudulently misrepresent who they are and what they are in order to make use of others.

This is pathological in origin… meaning they do this because this is how they’re brains are wired. It’s not a choice: it’s what they are. It’s all they will ever be. It doesn’t change, it can’t be fixed. There is nothing about us that makes them do what they do.

This can be hard to observe, hard to take in, and is very hard to accept. Getting to this place of comprehension and a place of ease with this fact is where we go in recovery sessions. This takes us to a place where we see how the duding, deceiving, lying, cheating wasn’t about us as people but is wholly about them as people of complete and pathological narcissism.

Look Into Sessions Here

People In Pain as Parents: Narcissistic People

Narcissistic people who are not pathological don’t have the abnormal brain that makes someone a sociopath. They do in fact, have feelings of like and love. Unfortunately, the parts of themselves that are unresolved pain and so then hung up in an emotional cycle of projection of this pain, can be painful to love.

No matter how nice or loving they may be in one moment the bottom-line is they want to be catered to regarding the elements that they are narcissistic about.

When they hurl criticism, some narcissistic parents know the extent of the pain they cause as their children’s hearts sink. Some kids remain unable to get out from under the parental grip of scanty affection peppered with dissapoinment, emotional neglect or emotional blackmail.

Narcissistic People as Parents

A narcissistic parent can cut kids to quick in a surprise attack. and are most of the time the genuinely loving. Or they may be so narcissistic that most of the time it’s painful and genuine love is rare.

When it’s our dad or our mom, we love them. We snuggle back into the parent-kid dynamic and then get punched again and again with hurtfulness. This can go on forever. Unless we step away.

Monsters in Human Skin: Sociopaths

A large percentage of sociopaths eventually abandon their children and most often abandon their children at a young age. Children are connected to a form of a paycheck or used to lend the monster the-look-of-normal.

Female sociopaths have kids as a paycheck. Many male sociopaths leave before the kid is born. Consider that a stroke of good fortune. For the ones who do stick around, love has nothing to do with it. Sociopaths (pathological narcissists) keep children in their lives only if they can make use of them.

Divorcing a Sociopath: Save the Children

In a divorce, a sociopath will claim they want custody of the children to make themselves appear normal. Male sociopaths will attempt to take the kids in order to get out of court orders child maintenance. Ironic since it’s much more of a financial demand to house, feed, and care for kids full time than to pay a monthly stipend. A monetary award by the way, that they do not payout.

If you’re going to court with a male sociopath and you have kids… that child maintenance money is what they’re trying to get out of.

They don’t want the kids, but they’ll fight you to take them in order to keep from being told by a Judge to pay money for the kids … that they don’t intend to pay. Because they don’t love or care about the kids. That is a sociopath. And this is something no one comes out of unharmed and no child deserves.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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2016_05_29 2021_03_05

How To Break Up With a Sociopath or Narcissist

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When we see through the façade
we reach a moment when we want to
breakaway and end it.

Ending it with a narcissist or a sociopath is a very scary hell of its own. They seem so all-powerful and in control. In truth, sociopaths’ lives are shallow and transparent. They fall apart as we begin to glimpse their empty souls. The scary part is what they do to hang on.

They let us think we’re in a relationship and we feel we are. Therefore, naturally, we do what normal people do: We give it our all. And then as time passes we see that things aren’t adding up.

We’ve had enough promises, sob stories, chaos. Enough lies. When the malarkey outweighs the good we thought was there, we come to a point where we’re ready to toss out the trash.

When We’ve Had Enough of the Lies and Abuse from a Sociopath

Trash is all they are, but because we’re normal people, the thing is, it takes as long as it takes for us to absorb this. As they take what they want, lives are destroyed for their own survival and it not only doesn’t faze them, they take it as a personal accomplishment.

They spend our money. Want sexual things we don’t. Include us. Exclude us. Entrust us. Suspect us. Play sick. Stay out late. Keep us from our family or friends. Don’t work. Are gone a lot.

They pretend to work very hard. Don’t answer our texts. Don’t pick up our calls. Block us from their Facebook. Keep us from our faith. Cry fake tears. Lie even more. And more. Then lie some more.

We begin to not quite believe them… We have doubts. We then rationalize more, because that is normal. And then, more doubts, more nuttiness…. And then. Snap. No more. Nope. The spell breaks. This is when it’s suddenly more terrifying to stay than to leave.

Making your way out? Find the safest, swiftest way back to yourself.

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End it With a Sociopath: Sociopaths aka Narcissists Know Every Scam Relationship Will End

If you’re not convinced these are scams rather than relationships, read these words from a self-professed sociopath about how we can get how to get rid of them. They want out too.

They know each scam will end, and if we want them out before they fail and bail – which most people think of as being devalued and discarded – but is not in fact what’s happening at all… We can do this:

“The best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to “poison the well” so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being useless or contrary, without being openly defiant… Pretend you’re tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don’t fight back. Say “I don’t know what’s come over me.” Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. After about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of her basic needs.”

~ Advice on how to make them leave, from a sociopath

Guidelines to Break Free of the Sociopath Nut Case

If you’ve been lied to, used for your money, they won’t lift a finger, they’ve stopped being physically intimate with you… that’s a sociopath laying up there on your couch.

Here are guidelines to end it with a sociopath safely and as quickly as can be and with the least fallout. There will be fallout. We will be frightened. It will feel like eons before they go. After they go we’ll go through post-traumatic stress. Doing nothing would be much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. We can protect ourselves. We can take immediate action. We can end this.

How to Leave a Narcissistic Sociopath

You’re going to become useless. Cut off goods and services. The sociopath will be baffled, taken aback, and pissed….That dinner isn’t on the table so to speak. And leave within weeks. Keep loving. Keep living like a real human. We are awesome. You are awesome.

Guidance in the escape

First Things First:

  1. Do not tell them we want out, and do not attempt a “break up talk”
  2. Do not confide in them, confess to them how you’re feeling
  3. Keep your feelings to yourself
  4. Don’t confront or question them about anything; be silent or passively agreeable
  5. Keep generally behaving as you have been
  6. Be a calm, pleasant, passive blank when they’re in the same room
  7. Do not allow your thoughts and plans of escaping roll through your mind in their presence
  8. Pretend to still like them just the same as before

The Next Thing We Can Do is Lie to Them

As unbelievable as it might seem, sociopaths are each and all alike. Identical tactics and the same limited thinking. We can use their weaknesses to get them gone. – You might be thinking of them as a narcissist and reading up on narcissists – that’s okay, but if you’ve been lied to or used for your money, they won’t lift a finger, and they have stopped being physically intimate with you… That’s a sociopath laying up there on your couch.

Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.

Keep our plan to ourselves. Protect ourselves and our belongings immediately – secretly. Don’t hesitate. Do this now. Why…? – Because sociopaths steal and destroy at the end. They’re thieves. And liars. Psychopaths like to take things like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant – just to say: I was here. They want last-minute funding, a car, a credit card – and to leave us holding the bag.

They steal or sell identities. Do they all steal? Every time? If they feel like it – yes. They have no conscience. No guilt. No love. They’re criminals. And they’re mean. Better to protect ourselves than be tragically sorry.

Sociopaths Steal: Especially at the End of a “Relationship”

Remove all of the following from your home to a safe location such as a friend’s house, your workplace, or a safe deposit box. Use this checklist:

  1. Anything we care about for its sentimental or monetary value: The first items that come to mind are the ones. If he knows you treasure them, protect them. They go through our things – our drawers, closets, cupboards, dressers – that secret p! ace – they’ll sniff it out, to find things to take.
  2. Valuable jewelry in gold, silver, precious stones, watches, etc. Things they can pawn or sell.
  3. Cameras, laptops, audio gear, guns, anything easy to lift, and take away.
  4. Photographs of the two of you. Including evidence of his abuse, your marriage, and anything compromising.
  5. Documents. All of them. Anything legal. Copy his. Make copies of ours and the kids. Then, along with the originals secure them safely out of the house.

You don’t believe they’d steal…? Think again before it’s too late. Protect yourself.

Secure Originals & Copies Where the User Cannot Find Them

  • Passports
  • Social Security cards and numbers
  • Birth Certificates
  • Marriage Certificates
  • Mortgage papers
  • Car registrations
  • Auto insurance
  • Credit card information and statements and all numbers
  • Bank account information
  • Stocks, bonds, CDs, and all banking, investment, or monetary records
  • Immigration papers
  • Change all our passwords, PINS, and logins
  • Have extra house or apartment, even car keys made and give them to a trusted friend to hold
  • Write down numbers or better yet photocopies or take pictures of:
    • The sociopath’s Passport, IDs, driver’s licenses, credit cards
    • Bank or credit card statements
    • Social Security number
    • Receipts or pics or copies of wire money transfers from or to him or her
    • If he has a car write down his license plate number, car make and model, take photos of it, take down the VIN number
    • Keep photos of his face to ID him in case law enforcement, FBI, DEA or immigration become involved

Community Property in Marriage

If we’re married to them, in eight states within the United States, all of our belongings – belong to them. They can take them and do anything with them if we’re married. Really. They call it community property. — This works both ways, what’s theirs is ours.

There’s another thing called common property. Look up your state. If he or she steals while you’re married chances are nothing is a police matter or considered a crime. – Take care of ourselves.

Take your property. Whether married or not, transfer your personal savings and checking to another account. You can open a new account in a new bank or whatever feels most secure. Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.

There’s nothing wrong or lacking in you that made this happen.

Be Safe When Leaving a Sociopath

Here’s what I did: Hands shaking I took his credit cards out of his wallet. – MY credit accounts that I’d made him an “authorized user” on – while he was in the shower. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Then – I lied. I said: The credit cards (three cards altogether) had been canceled by the card companies for going over the limit. –

He’d taken them over the limit – but I made no accusation, I gave no detail, no other explanation – I said it apologetically, but with conviction. I said I did it to protect him – I said if he used them in public they’d be confiscated by the retailer and, with a pathetic fake concern for him I passively whined, I wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed like that.

It absolutely worked: they believe anything you say. Was it scary…? Yes. Terrifying. I was saving my life.

Nothing Stops Them: We End It, We Stop It

Then a few days later I lied again. I said I’d lost my wallet so the checking account debit card had been canceled. I stopped putting my paycheck in our joint bank account – then I closed it. – Guess what? He knew how to reopen it.

I had to have the bank keep an eye out for 24 hours to make sure it stayed closed. I watched him stay in the game no matter what lie I told. The surreal mounts, but now we’re in control. Ride it out. The way will open.

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There’s Nothing They Won’t Do or Say

Here’s the thing: sociopaths make all kinds of preposterous claims as they lie their way through life. – Amazingly I found I could say anything and he played along as if it were true, though I was sure he knew it wasn’t.

Simply say: Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon. And nothing else. That tiny line will do it all. Delivering it means you just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” Be proud.

I’d stumbled on sociopath-magic-rules-of-engagement: any lie is true. It was almost a high to fly so near the fringes and outsmart this being I now called in my head: The Monster. It was pure improvisation – life-saving improvisation on my part… it was normal live-by-the-seat-of-his-pants-all-is-a-lie for him.

Underneath it, we both knew our dynamics were shifting like silently colliding tectonic plates deep within the foundations bringing inescapable unpredictable and life-threatening upheaval that I determined – no matter what – would settle as a forced departure for him – and freedom for me.

Protect Ourselves When a Sociopath Leaves

Passwords and PINS and logins. Change them. All. If we can – block him or her on social media. As in using the actual “block” function on Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, and all the rest. They won’t be notified, but they’ll also no longer see any of our Facebook, or other social media activity. – We also will not be able to see theirs. It’s called going no contact.

Shut Down the Things the Sociopath is Enjoying

Become absolutely useless to them. If we usually make dinner. Stop. If we normally take out the garbage and make the bed. Don’t. Forget his dry cleaning. Stop doing his laundry or leave it lumpy and half-damp in the laundry basket. Passively, quietly, humbly, meekly, say, “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry, hon.” And nothing else. Period You just gave a lifesaving Academy Award-winning performance. Keep it up.

Forget his favorite food. Sleep late, Stop cleaning. Disappear after work without calling him. Leave the car without gas. Forget to pay the internet bill – tell him it’s being shut off. Tell him your savings account is empty. Don’t talk at home. Keep to yourself. Sleep. Go into your room. Leave unexpectedly. Talk to your sister even though they hate it when we do.

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Focus on Your Well Being From This Moment On

Do whatever truly lifts you up and leads to breakthroughs. Go back to church if that was your thing pre-nutbag. Or step into meditation, wok out, make art, attend your book club meetings, or whatever faith or strength-giving endeavor they tried to stop you from practicing. When they talk look away, bored. Walk out of the room.

Think about replacing, swapping out the time you spent with them for an activity that you love… Something else. When they ask: Have something else to do at the times you used to spend with them. Add to that, zero cash to hand out. Pay no more of their bills. Simply say: Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon, implying vapid, passive stupidity on your part. Say nothing else. That tiny line will do it all. Delivering that kind of deflecting new reality for your safety and to maneuver them out of your life means you just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” Be proud.

Prepare For Safety and a Smooth Exit

Consider carrying a change of clothes and overnight things or having spares at work. Just a precaution. – Again this is without their knowledge. – If the sociopath invading your life is already violent with you – all the more so take this precaution.

Make extra house keys. Give some to a really trusted good friend who had no connection to the sociopath. If you’re leaving the clutches of an actively violent sociopath please check with professional advisers on domestic violence.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2016_02_13 2023_08_05

Bored Nomads: Heartless Hobos

12 Replies

Bored heartless nomads.
They don’t connect or care,
have no sentimental or nostalgic idea of “home”
so, one place is much like another
and where ever they are isn’t “home”, it’s a hideout.

Sociopaths are bored nomads. Empty souls, empty brains, absent hearts. And no place they truly call “home.”

The part of the brain that registers like, love, care, concern, compassion is – unplugged. It doesn’t operate normally. They’re just kind of blah. They don’t “attach” to anyone, anything, or any place.

No matter how much we might not notice at first, no matter how many promises they make about our life together: for them, “home” is no place, while for us “there’s no place like home.”

Nobodies Home Inside There Aside from Evil

Sociopathic predators pretend to feel things they don’t, such as “love” or “concern” because they know their emptiness is something we can’t accept and it freaks us out.

If we’re freaked out, they need to move on sooner and don’t get as much stuff.

So they fake it to get stuff and to keep that cozy couch to sleep on. Unfortunately, they have an uncanny power of influence and get lots unless we already – fully – know what a sociopath is.

When normal humans take in a moment in life or interact in human exchange, our bodies respond by making a chemical mix that rushes to our bloodstream and brain and animates us in emotional responses of gratitude, empathy, delight, joy, or reverent awe, or an endless combo of sensation.

There is resolution and full restoration.
What is recovery for you?

Look into guided recovery coaching

Bonding is Normal: It’s Absent in Pathological Predators

This grand cocktail of life forges deeper connections with others around us and to our very selves. In a sociopath this function is absent. They switch emotional responses on and off – sort of. But not really…

It’s that there’s just no one human home. Though a sociopath might say, we feel emotions. Ours is just different. – Well, yeah, that’s the point; they’re the feelings of a monster. Very, very different than ours.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Recovery coaching unique to you

Sociopaths Have No Emotional Connection

Sociopaths mimic the emotions they see us go through. They don’t feel feelings like we do or understand ours. It’s all bars and tone – or desire and rage in the sociopath’s brain.

We get attached to our home and the simple things that take our breath away, illicit tears, smiles, giggles, or a sigh weigh in as a heavy clunk of next-to-nothingness in the sociopath’s “heart”.

The pride in our home, our lives, our child’s college graduation, first prom, first steps, or our teary-eyed satisfaction at giving the perfect gift to a loved one are experiences a sociopath will never have. Nope. Sociopaths have white noise where love should be.

When We Feel…

  • Delight: at our child’s achievements
  • Pleasure: in helping someone besides ourselves
  • Joy: at a the birth of a new baby
  • Compassion: for another’s sorrows
  • Satisfaction: in a job well done

A Sociopath Registers Personal Gain…

  • Delight: gloating at ensnaring a new victim
  • Pleasure: in a well-told lie
  • Joy: in scamming a new place to live
  • Compassion: there is none for anyone
  • Satisfaction: in a smear campaign well done… And otherwise, they’re bored

The Sociopath aka Narcissist Desires Only to Take and Use

The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey.

A sociopath scum bag’s sole desire is to suck us in, to take, and to use us and all we have and all those around us if possible. They make up lots of “good reasons” to live together. They might say something like, “I need to move by Friday because my roommate stopped paying rent…” – It’s a hint at what they want. They toss out bait hoping we’ll bite out of our ordinary and gorgeous human empathy and compassion and social conditioning in order to – in this case – take over our space.

They’re laser-focused on this. They don’t want to pay rent or share in the bills. They make promises of work they’re getting, money coming in, and they’ll do the dishes later.

Haus-Maus or Man In Pants: It’s all Fraud

Some sociopaths have the persona of man-around-the-house and get bossy while others play Mr. Mom and do laundry, cook, clean, and pick up the kids. This is the way this type of sociopath gets the cheese. Yes, like rats in a lab as they go through life they learn which button to push to get dinner.

I call this errand running, dinner making, kid caring sociopath the haus-maus – or house-mouse. It’s all bait. This is what they hope will hook their room and board. Their shelter from the storms. Storms both outside falling from the sky, and quite likely the storm anger of the last person they messed with who’s now after them.

The Provider

Some others, averse to chores and dirty work, flash cash instead and foot the bill for a bit to secure their place in our home. From the beginning – or by the end – they don’t pay, won’t pay, and get mad if asked to pay. – Be aware there are those who pay big-bucks all throughout keeping us in mani-pedies, vacations, and designer clothes. However, it comes at a price.

A sociopath dirtbag (even if you’re calling them a narcissist) is never the person we think they are until we see the devil in their eyes. Then – and only then, are we seeing who they are. Since no one with a heart wants to live with a devil they try their best to hide it. Their best is not very good.

Con Men Predators Get So Bored and Need Places to Hide

The ironic trap of needing the person they don’t care about pisses them off. Without emotional attachment, pretending to be in love with someone would get old. And bothersome. Their hatred of us begins to show itself.

Sociopaths are bored nomads, their boredom makes it hard to keep up their facades.

They drop the act at any random moment, then shove the mask back in place, drop it, put it up again and it falls once more.

This inconsistency is how we see through them. That’s okay with them. Ultimately, these scum bag inhuman users don’t care about the longevity of a scam as much as they care about taking what they’re after and going free.

Getting What They Want and Getting Away

The getaway is important. And these predators do indeed have many people are after them. Lots of people on their tail. Always.

They’ve got people they owe money to, women with babies they’ve left to support on their own, someone’s husband who wants to beat the living-day-lights out of them, bench warrants, they’ve skipped parole, evaded taxes, jumped debts, stolen cars to ride off in. They’re so, so busy; so busy running in fear.

Changing Location is Essential to Surviving as a Sociopath

And so, sociopaths, con men change geographic locations over and over. Every three to ten months, the predator needs new prey, and often new hunting grounds.

They pack light and leave things behind, as they skip and hop from place to place without their name registered on a lease or posted on a mailbox. The scampiest of these I call the backpackers. – All they have is a dirty backpack, easy to pick up and go.

They hide behind their prey for official things like rental contracts. If we think they “own” a house, a condo, or a boat, but look closely, they mostly don’t own anything, and always there’s more to it than meets the normal human eye.

Where Ever They Are They Are The Same

Whether a sociopath skulks in a low-rent district or a high-rise, through all the lies they’re hard to trace and difficult to pin down.

The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey. “Want” never leaves them, ever on the search for more money and more fun… otherwise they get so bored.

Boredom and Fear Are Forefront in Their Black Hearts

Boredom isn’t the only reason sociopaths, con men, narcissistic users need to move on down the road. It’s those people after them and those scams that blow up that lead them to a new location. Sociopaths are bored and boring and make terrible, monster, roommates. Who needs ’em?

There are many great books here to read more about these traveling monsters. Understand what’s really going on and set ourselves free!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2014 – 2025 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2015_12_19 2024_01_05

Sociopaths, Users, and No Contact

31 Replies

No contact is the pathological users’ Achilles heel.
When we don’t respond it scares them to pieces.
That’s why they rage.

In a sociopath’s perfect world, there would be no such thing as no contact. Without contact, they have nothing. The thing is, for a narcissistic predator, their agenda is only possible with contact. The more consistent and deep the contact, the more harm we’re in for.

Pathological predators, that is a sociopath, or what you might be calling a narcissist, depend on keeping contact for their success. Their success is measured, by them in what they get, what they can take and what they can do and how little we oppose them.

Contact Keeps the Hunt Going

no contact

They must keep contact in order to get what they want and when we’re in contact, we’re balls of emotions. We’re in confusion and off balance which means there’s an open door for them straight into our lives. The success of their mind-bending effect on us is only possible through contact.

No contact is our freedom. Safety and freedom from a narcissistic user, a sociopath depends on establishing and keeping no contact. – Let’s look at the effect of contact from the first hello, to the day we go no contact.

How far will you take your recovery?

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The First Contact is What We Call “Love Bombing”

In the early moments we meet them for the first time, they bombard us, overwhelm us, spin us off the ground, and into “love” with them. This is a quick process. Once they hook us, they need to keep yapping whenever they notice that the hook is slipping.

We take their words at face value. This is normal. Normal and natural for us, as fully functioning limbic-brained humans. In other words, it’s normal for us to believe what people say, to trust, bond, care, and feel connected.

The unfortunate thing we don’t know at this point is that the meaning of the words of this pathological predator is not found in the words themselves. Their words don’t have a normal meaning or a normal subtext. This is because their intention and their goal and purpose for being in our lives are far, far from normal… And love has nothing to do with it.

Their intention in our lives is not represented by the nice things they say… Nor by the mean things they say. Underneath it, all is a desire and purpose we can’t even imagine… And they need it this way.

They don’t want us to understand their actual meaning. In this effort they make sure, as best they can, to fake their intent and meaning. And they do their best to keep others from tipping us off. So, they separate us from family and friends. They keep us away from people who aren’t under their spell and see that they aren’t what they’re pretending to be.

They Separate Us from Others Who See Through Them

Everything they say is in hopes of their very simplistic and unwavering needs and wants. This is instinctive, it’s literally how their brains are wired, while a lot of other normal human things are missing from their brains. One of the qualities of their limited brains is limited language skills.

Even if they learn some big words and can string a long sentence together it’s nonsense. They usually use very short sentences. Even three-word sentences to nail us in place. Understanding the effect of their words on our emotions and thoughts is essential. They can’t have anyone interfering with the effect of their words upon us. This is a reason they separate us from our family, our friends, and others.

Please put aside the common interpretation that this isolation or separation is done out of their jealousy. It’s that they can’t have others alerting us to how full of hot air, and how creepy and weird they are. This is why the sociopath immediately creates an “us and them” existence.

The Subtle Separation

One such example… My sister lives three miles down the road for me. At the root of things, we’re very close. Really tight. We grew up almost as twins, yet we’re very different in relational dynamics. I’m open and smiling and laugh easily and talk to people everywhere I go. She’s more reserved, can seem stern, and isn’t as warm. She also doesn’t reach out the way that I do… So:

The fraudulent lying dirtbag I married used to say, your sister doesn’t love you. She didn’t even call you back. Pinging on the fact that, indeed, it is me who keeps my sister and I connected. It takes me calling or texting her three times or so before she calls me back.

And, he wasn’t exactly wrong… I could count on fewer fingers than I have on one hand the number of times in my life that my sister has called me spontaneously.

Because of their uncanny quality that causes us to have an exaggerated experience of normal emotions, this comment tapped hard at a raw little place inside me. If a normal human had said this, I’d have said, my sister loves me, she’s different than I am in how she shows it, but she’d kill for me... And that would have been the end of it.

Instead – because he’s a sociopath – this sideways comment led me to quickly and inefficiently sort through my mind asking myself: does she love me? doesn‘t she love me…? she doesn’t…or..? In this way, here I was suddenly teetering on the brink of stepping into the mush of bottomless ruinous quicksand of believing him. – this is how our world changes because of what they are.

And for all the hate they have for us, because they need us, the narcissistic-user-sociopath will hold on as long as possible.

The sore spot of truth inside my life that this comment hit metaphorically knocked me to my knees in a deep psyche kind of way. When we’re under their spell, sociopaths can tap our core with a single comment due to their natural malevolent influence. This strike shocks us and leaves us breathless and vulnerable, self-doubting and confused.

In the case of my sister and I, she’s also brutally direct. I imagine he sensed she’d blow him down and break him into pieces. As it turns out she said to me when I kicked him out, I knew it! – She never liked him for one second and saw him as bad news. Naturally, he could read this. – Consequently, he drove in a separation.

Contact with us, and severing contact with our families and friends is how they drive the wedge in. They keep yammering to us at high velocity, they keep in contact via texts, Snapchat, and the like, even when they live with us! That’s as deep as they get. It’s only that. It’s how they keep inside our heads, hearts, and bank accounts; it comes down to one practical material thing: contact.

recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith for recovering after coercive control and ptsd and narcissistic abuse

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No Contact Ends the Game

Throughout our “relationship” (the one we think we’re in together) their attention comes in cycles related to what they perceive as how deeply or loosely we’re bound-in to them. They spike attention to reel us back in from time to time. Routinely they do an all-points-bare-minimum in maintenance.

When they sense we’re seeing through the smokescreen, they either pour on the nice in charm and promises or get mean becoming nasty, grumpy, and mad. Both nice and mean require contact and are bait to hook us in place.

As the sociopath’s weirdness, deception and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare.

If it’s nice they offer something, make a promise…Or even are simply neutral. Our naturally good-hearted nature and the effects of their mesmerizing venom does the work. We interpret and imbue their off-handed glances, and bare-bones contact with deep and positive meaning, full of love and commitment and, so we stay in it. No such thing as genuine nice is happening, but thinking that it is, is normal.

If it’s mean they pick up as the tool, they use anger and scream out, we naturally react in fear and then stay out of this fear. Not to mention our sense of guilt, shame, and our confusion. This is normal. We all give them the benefit of the doubt and stay. Or we stay out of fear. This is the way it goes until that one moment when the spell finally breaks.

Every bit of any contact a sociopath makes is to take and use and keep taking… It’s bait, from the “love bombing”, the common term for the contact, that reels us in, to the lies and devastating gossip in the smear campaign. As well as during hat time in between, in the middle of the arc of the fraud… When they aren’t around, they disappear, they don’t answer or texts and we’re in unbelievable pain trying to make sense of it all through our normal human view of life.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

FInd your unique guided recovery coaching

No Contact Isn’t Normal or Easy for Normal People

One thing about these predators we can’t forget: they can’t not be like this. And they do what they do 24/7. They’re on the prowl constantly. Out of our being normal humans, we give credit to their scanty presence, oh, he’s been so busy, and he called me finally, he must care! And, he left flowers at the door last night! He really does love me!  – This is normal. – We’re under their spell.

And, alternately, fear of them freezes us right where we are, so we “stay in it”. This too is normal. It’s the natural normal effect of this type of predator upon us as normal humans, their prey.

We don’t understand why we believe their lies, and then we tend to blame ourselves long after for staying so long. Please don’t. There’s nothing about you that made this happen. You ge to be who you are… And you get to establish no contact because even one more millisecond of contact and access to rampage and ransack our lives is a millisecond too many.

Contact Means They Can Get Back In: Contact Is How Any and All of it Happens

When we want out, a sociopath’s drive to keep us in their grasp intensifies. Just as they smell fresh prey, they can sense it when we’re beginning to see through them to the point that things are going to end.

They know when we’ve caught a glimpse behind the veil of lies and they go to work to regain our trust, to keep us locked in place. Mean or nice…everything, all the things they do, is an attempt to keep things going and require: contact. They fear losing prey. They become enraged when we slip free.

Their Concern is Survival and Nothing Else

Out of the simple need for survival, antisocial psychopaths despise losing their bagged targets. And for all the hate they have for us – they need us – and the narcissistic-user-sociopath will hold on as long as possible.

It’s the things, the status, and the opportunities we provide that compel them to hang on with just enough contact. Thye swing back-and-forth, hot-and-cold, nice-and-mean, to keep us in place by our own emotional responses to them combined with our misunderstanding of what is actually happening.

Manipulation, Bait, and Tricks Ramp Up in the Fear of Losing Contact

Eventually, that day comes for us when the “magic” is gone, and so when they whip out their standard bait: make coffee for us or put air in the tires or murmur — again — without eye contact, you’re special to me. — This time, our emotional response is flat or numb. We can see them more clearly as the snake they are.

Stand up and protect our lives, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give in to defeat. Instead, only continue to build treasures of the heart.

There’s a moment for each of us when their signature weak and familiar gesture, is measured up against all the odd, the confusion, and just plain sad and it just isn’t enough. Suddenly, we are done.

As the sociopath’s weirdness, deception, and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare. Once we say: I’m leaving or, you have to go, we’re treated to Mr. Hyde and narcissistic rage. — The big-bad-monster will not really leave our lives until we establish no contact.

Sociopaths and Narcissistic Users Fear No Contact

What do sociopaths fear losing when the jig is up? After “the well” has truly run dry, they fear losing their physical freedom and their “good reputation”. This deluded idea that they have a “good reputation” is something they think they need to keep intact so they can continue using others.

So, to keep tabs on what we say to others, they continue to hang on even if they “break-up” with us. As we’re breaking away and after contact is really important to them for three reasons.

We call this after “break-up” contact, Hoovering. It lands as texts, emails, and phone calls; it may be messages or notes on our car or on the door, and it’s scary. There are plenty of reasons that this is scary. It’s normal to be in fear of the narcissistic user after the “break up”. This is all a part of PTSD.

Breaking Away Means to the Sociopath We’ve Gone Rogue

Once we’ve stepped away from the pathologically narcissistic user isn’t sure if they’re safe anymore, We’re an unknown factor. – We’ve gone rogue.

Not only have they lost their entertainment, or your car keys, cell phone bill payments, their arm candy, or entree into a particular social group: they don’t know what we’re going to do about what they’ve done to us.

This is where “hoovering” comes in. For your safety, if they use actual words in person or by phone, at that moment go ahead and verbally apologize. Soothe them by saying one plain sentence like, I know…it’s all my fault…Not because this is true. But because it’s wisdom; it’s for your safety.

This simple utterance stops hoovering in many cases, as the nutter then believes you aren’t a threat. They are enraged that you broke away, but they believe they can now go freely about their gruesome ways.

This isn’t “enabling” them. They are what they are with or without you.

Don’t worry, you’re lying… but they’ll believe you. This isn’t because this is true. It’s because sociopaths aka narcissists believe anything we say and act on it as if it is true.

They only need to feel like they’re getting away with all the lies and scamming. Never give this kind of impression or apology in writing, only in spoken words. Let them think they can go freely. Let them feel at ease in exiting. They don’t want us, or their kids – and we don’t want them.

Be Sociopath or Psychopath and Narcissist Free Forever

Really, get the skinny on what’s happening, in your specific circumstances. There’s more to this than an article can convey.

For a clearer and faster pathway back to restoring your life, step into recognizing how amazing you are. This makes the dust settle faster, and the debris and damage fall at their feet where it belongs rather than at yours.

Stand up and protect your life, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give in to defeat. Instead, only continue to build treasures of the heart.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Your unique guided recovery coaching

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
© 2014 – 2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com

2015_07_12 2022_11_12

Sociopaths Hate Us: So Does the “Narcissist”

4 Replies

Sociopaths hate us and at the same time
need us so desperately.
As any parasite, they can’t live without a “host”.

Narcissistic users know in their “heart-of-hearts” (so to speak) that we are the ones with the real power. We’re resilient, mentally flexible, and have nuance emotionally.

sociopaths hate us

We have the advantage of being fully-real people who can love and feel, with our souls rooted in compassion. With an unseen bond with one another. This is a potent elixir for the ills and sorrows of life and the stuff human kindness is made of.

This gorgeous human magnificence is exactly the stuff absent from the brain, heart, mind, and soul of the most narcissistic predator of all predators: the sociopath or psychopath, no matter how they got here.

The psychopath’s and the sociopath’s abnormal brain renders them loveless
and without conscience.

Time for answers. Discover the real deal.

Guided recovery coaching

The Narcissistic User Knows We Have the Power

Something a bit tough to take in is that sociopaths fear us even as they use us. They know that we can ruin them with exposure. And – they never, ever can understand our world. They’re flying blind. The results of their actions are uncertain and unknown to them.

When they sense that we know what they are, their constant fear – normally tucked away under the obtuse, criminal boldness born of their abnormal brains, turns to rage. It’s then their rage that exposes them further as they operate in frenzied improvisational reaction moment to moment.

Everything about the sociopath is a duality, a contradiction, and plays out in an endless tightening cycle of ruin. Their very own limited brains and closed circuit of self is the very thing that gives them away. So, sociopaths hate us, and sociopaths need us.

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control
by Jennifer Smith

On Amazon, Paperback

Or for your Kindle App or Reader

Our Great Goodness is Our Saving Grace

The very qualities within us they hijack and make use of for their (temporary) personal gain, are the same qualities about us that lead us to see through them, to leave them, and to heal and recover, stronger, wiser, and more humane than before.

This makes sociopaths hate us even more. They simply have no capacity to comprehend our world or our emotions. We, on the other hand, can understand theirs and so, by understanding how their minds work, render them ineffective in their scams and harm.

Discover what’s really behind gaslighting.

Sociopaths Hate Us from Day One

So, sociopaths hate us. Even the day we met. Once we see through them the hate is let out of the cage. And so, all along and finally more so in the end, sociopaths are their own undoing.

There’s no way under the sun that they don’t give themselves away. The same limitations in their brain biology that makes them want what they want, and do what they do lead to giving themselves away.

Sociopaths Hate Us and Fear Us: The Sociopath’s Weakness

The thing they can’t get around is the constant fear of being unmasked. This and their limited minds make them predictable. They need to appear nice and upstanding to combat their fear of being caught, yet in the heat of discovery unplanned, improvised things they say and do bring them down.

Their predictability, mental limitations, transparent lies, and ranting leave gaps and leverage for our escape from these monsters. Sociopaths hate us for being what we are – human – and paradoxically hijack our humanity for their survival.

There are moments when no matter the
position of the body the soul is on its knees.

~ Victor Hugo

Climbing Up Out of The Abyss of the Sociopath’s Hatred

Ten months after marrying the man of my dreams the winding, hairpin turn, dead-drop roller coaster ride of disengaging my life from his ruination jerked into motion.

I felt every grueling, gut-punch, every head snap. Fear never left me. Grief slept and woke up with me each morning. Grief and loss are part of PTSD after a sociopath. – My grief wasn’t over lost love, but the loss of something I had thought was real. – Yours will be too.

Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust, and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and of how amazing we are.

Any care or concern for him vanished in one heartbeat. Seeing the truth behind his pretty face, I held no illusions or mistaken feelings that even a tiny breath of my life with him had been real. There had been no mutual moment of anything. He did his best to make me believe a deep vein of true love ran between us even during the ten days it took him to move out.

Those hideous moments flipped on a dime to his blatant contempt for me. As harsh as the hatred for me was – it was the truth. His fake sugar-candy sweetness, softness, and humility no longer soothed me; his false kindness was evil in disguise and held more danger than his open plots and insults.

A turn of the lens and the answers fall into place.

Recovery coaching changes everything…

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

We Decide What Winning Is

We can find value in this hell. Scrape this burning trip through pain for all the wisdom we can. Promise yourself you’ll win rather than be pulled under or scarred. Sociopaths need us to hold up their house-of-cards lives. We don’t need them.

Our brain has a center that lights up like a Christmas tree when we feel love or concern. Sociopaths’ brains do not register these feelings. They ain’t got no Christmas tree. We genuinely light up in love, joy, kindness as well as sorrow and grief. They think our emotions are ridiculous, a waste of time. Useless. They use our emotions to get what they need – so they falsely think they are in charge.

They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or loosing things they’ve taken.

Sociopaths are classified as “antisocial psychopaths”, and the last thing we want to be doing is dating one, or marrying one. They’re sometimes now referred to as having an “antisocial personality disorder,” which is not a fixable disorder. Some people call them narcissists, as borrowed from another medical, mental health classification: a malignant narcissist.

The description of a malignant, covert, or overt narcissist is, in essence, describing a sociopath. For our purposes, consider a malignant narcissist a sociopath. We aren’t doctors, insurance companies, and social services; that’s who those definitions in the DSM were written for. Base your escape and recovery on your experience, not a medical manual.

Puzzle pieces fall from the sky.

Antisocial Psychopaths Do Their Best to Seem Normal

Sociopaths mimic our emotions as best they can – which is truly not very well or we wouldn’t be reading these pages. They steal the contents of our hearts and our wallets, they borrow and hijack our lives and remain bereft of compassion and love as a desert is of water.

When it comes down to it – their only power is that we didn’t know what they were. When we see them behind the mask, they know it’s time to go. And they know when we’re seeing through long before we could imagine they do.

Pathological predators want (need) to look like the good and respectable “victim,” take our money and anything else they can, have a kid here or there, feel like they are King or Queen… and move on before being caught. Or before their boredom overwhelms them.

We Win When We Accept That They Exist

By understanding their primal, reptilian brain we can make that “going” cleaner and easier for ourselves, there are “break-up musts” when it comes to escaping a sociopath – even if you call them a narcissist.

That said: do not tempt a sociopath’s rage. It’s easy to ignite their erratic defense mechanisms. Do not underestimate the danger that a sociopath is. Without internal, self-inspired stops or controls of any kind on what they do, or say.

Entanglements of Darkness

The dark places they can take their rage is a places we never want to see. Their rage is born of the fear that they’ll be caught or have things they’ve taken, taken away. They never want to lose prey or the things they take.

It’s really important that we not argue with them, challenge them, or threaten them. This leads only to more pain and risk for ourselves.

They don’t care what we think, how we feel, what we want, or need – unless it places them in a position of being exposed or losing things they’ve taken. When you see what they are, do this: zip it. Stay silent. Get them out. Or go yourself. Hold onto what we are as gorgeous, glorious humane humans.

We Are Awesome and Our Own Angels

Use the sociopaths’ weaknesses to leverage them out of our lives and minimize the damage. Find real freedom, heal from the crime it was – there was no relationship. All the incredible innate and natural traits we possess as normal humans that render us their prey are also our saving grace.

Without our emotions we can’t build a life, love our children, or care for the real people in our lives: husbands, wives, moms and dads, our kids, or even see the beauty of a sunset. Since we’re full of complex emotional capacity, we can use intense difficulties or suffering to create depth and value.

Stand up! See the sociopath for what he or she is! The way to heal from what really went on is to reframe the entire debacle from the viewpoint of a sociopath’s mind.

Using our normal human point of view will take us on and on in misery, living in hurt, mistrust, and confusion under a false understanding of what happened and why and how amazing we are.

Find real answers… Let’s talk.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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