Author Archives: Jennifer Smith

Are Sociopaths Intelligent?

Hardly. Sociopaths are not intelligent.
No conscience makes for no limits, not genius.

Are sociopaths intelligent? Geniuses? What sociopaths do in order to con is as old as dirt. Their tactics are similar in concept to what lab rats do to get cheese. They try and try and learn a few tricks to get the cheese. It’s also a bit like a martial art.

Sociopaths use the strengths and weaknesses and the just plain normal of their targeted prey and everyone around them to their own advantage.

sociopaths intelligence is minimal
They get so mad.

Because sociopaths view other people as an opportunity, as a resource…Part of the trouble is that we don’t know we’re being thought of in this way.

This gives them the leading advantage. So in that way, they have “intelligence”… sort of like a spy who knows something you don’t know they know with an intention you aren’t aware of.

Other than that the sociopath (the narcissist) seriously lacks any real intelligence even though people often call narcissists – sociopaths – intelligent or masters of manipulation. The truth is, they’re dumber than boxes of rocks. They’re about as deep as a potato chip.

Sociopaths’ Intelligence

The thing is they exist on a different level than we do. They’re in a primal survival places as parasitic predators. I’ve seen sociopaths behavior as absolutely ridiculous…laughable if it weren’t profoundly harmful. I can’t call them “intelligent” in the way we normally think of “intelligence”…

I see the sociopaths’ so-called intelligence is comparable to learn tricks like frantic lab rats desperate to push the button that brings cheese. More than intelligence it’s an accumulation of “tricks” fused with cunning driven by the desire to survive. It’s animalistic in essence and focus.

Narcissistic abuse recovery.
Unexpected hope.

Breaking Up wIth Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, and hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Traits of a Sociopath

We do tend to think of them as “intelligent”, but isn’t this impression or interpretation of them directly linked to them doing things we’d never think of, let alone “do”? Their closed-circuit-world-of-self has no room for genuine intelligence.

I landed on them being described as “cunning” because cunning is fueled by something less elevated than “intelligence”. Cunning lays in a lower level of life-condition, one that’s more simplistic, direct and animalistic. One that’s more self-oriented.

He developed a method of opening the fridge door, leaving it half-closed on his own arm, then heaving with one foot against the top of the pig’s head groping to grab his own avocado and tofu. Every single night.

I liken the intelligence of sociopaths to cunning…In part this came to me by observing and experiencing the pet pig that belonged o a friend of mine. This piggy, cute and tiny at first, even soft and cuddly was beloved by my friend.

Deception From Day One

But, the thing is…when anyone takes on a pet pig – marketed as a tea cup or miniature pig -they don’t realize that there’s no such thing. There are pigs, and pigs. What “pig sellers” don’t tell you is that this sweet, tiny piggy, snuggling up as you watch TV on the couch together, will grow bigger. And bigger. And bigger. Because a “tea cup pig” is a farmyard pig.

It will grow to be much, much stronger, harsher, prickly. Then dirty. And stinky. And massively fat. – So here’s the first parallel: if you have a pet pig, you’re living a deception about what the future with this animal will be; you’re deceived about what this animal really is. Same with a sociopath, or that creature you’re calling a narcissist. They are not who or what we think they are.

Pigs sprout a wet, snot-slicked, heaving disc of a snout they use constantly to root, grunt, and grind against anything and everything – including my friend’s leg or any nearby leg – 24-hours a day unless asleep, always looking for food. Perpetually. Relentlessly.

I’ll tell you right now this hard plated skull and snout as it jams into your lower leg hurts incredibly! Just think about 100 pounds of pure skull bored with all the weight of a starving 350-pound animal into your ankle bone.

Calling a Pig and a Sociopath Equally Cunning is Not to Disparage Pigs

Now let’s be clear here: Are pigs sociopaths? No. But sociopaths are pigs. That relentless, primal force of persistence in the face of anything and everything. No other “mode” of operation. In addition, pathological predators are dumb. Ignorant. Conniving. Sneaky. A great pretense of smartness is put forth by them.

Counting On Our Kindness and Soft Hearts

That pig tricked food out of my friend. It stole entire loaves of bread off countertops while my friend made a sandwich, balancing on its hind hooves, grabbing the bread bag with its slimy, little piggy teeth.

It yanked kitchen drawers out of the wall by the handle in his iron clamp of a jaw. Spah-Lllaaaaaahttt! they crashed to the linoleum where piggy-pig snuffled through the contents hoping for a morsel, any crumb to eat; baggies, and aluminum foil flying. Nothing stopped this pig.

Screeching and squealing he snarfed up the Oreo’s, packaging and all. Have you ever heard a pig squeal when you try to take your own Oreo’s back?

When my friend tried to make dinner, the pig routinely knocked into my friend’s legs, causing him to buckle at the knees falling against the edge of the Frigidaire while that pig nabbed goodies: grapes, avocado, tomatoes, strawberries, even ice cubes.

My friend, once again upright, had to devise an alternate route to his own dinner. He developed a method of opening the fridge door, leaving it half-closed on his own arm, then heaving with one foot against the top of the pig’s head groping to grab his own avocado and tofu. Every single night.

A Good Relationship Doesn’t Elicit Terror

My friend was completely terrorized by an animal he’d taken in as a household pet. – His generous, animal-adoring heart was knee-deep in guilt and what some call a trauma-bond which is to say bound up by the soft-pink-innocent-piggy he loved so much.

Emotional intelligence is considered – certainly the most useful form of intelligence if not the highest form. We as highly empathetic people have emotional intelligence by the ton.

You ask why not put the pig in another room, or outside while food is being prepared and eaten by the humans in the household..? That pig had broken the door latches on every door inside the house. The doors between the dining room and the kitchen simply wouldn’t shut. Which meant he couldn’t be contained in the kitchen or corralled for subduing.

Added slide bolts were useless. He’d battered the doors until the added slidey-thing-a-mah-jigs popped out of their screws like gum out of a bubble pack. Even any dining chairs wedged underneath the handles in hopes of holding him had caved under his pressure, the legs cracked right off dangling like broken teeth.

If it was left outside in the gorgeous backyard with a full view of the city below to admire, its own personal mud pit to wallow in, and shoots of plants to nibble, all it could seem to do was screech bloody murder. A porcine human-being-murdered-shrieking sound you’d have to hear to believe. – It had to be let back inside before the neighbors called the cops. – This pig owned that house and the people in it.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Sociopaths are Cunning: Like Pigs

It became an ordinary day that Piggity listened for the front door to open. Raised his snout into the air and sniffed out the booty being carried in from the market.

Heaving and hurling his body into motion, Mr. Pig, ran down the hallway to the foyer, his cloven hooves tappity-scratching, a forewarning of inevitable harm, inspiring dread in the poor human carrying in the groceries. Its rotund, lumbering form clickity-clattered along the bamboo floor at the fastest velocity it could hurtle its 200 pounds, which was shockingly fast.

He was forced to face the fact, after all my friend’s care, love and generosity towards this pig: That pig tried to kick him out of his own home… And had been waiting for the chance to do it.

In a practiced, now ritual gesture it slid to a partial stop as he hit his mark, deftly clamping the brown paper bag from the bottom corner in the steel-vise grip of his yellow, gruesome fang-teeth, yanked backward shifting his massive, quivering weight into his hind-quarters, ripping a gaping wound in the bag: apples, cookies, bananas cascaded in a smacking, tumbling avalanche.

That pig snorted up all it could get its dirty claws and snotty nose on. Single-minded, the top of its metal-plate-of-a-skull bulldozed my friend’s hand out of its way, while screeching and squealing he snarfed up the Oreos, packaging and all. Have you ever heard a pig squeal when you try to take your own Oreos back?

Sociopaths, Narcissists Do Anything to Get What They Want: So Do Pigs

That pig tore up my friend’s bedsheets, pooped, and pissed in the house whenever he felt like it. One fateful day, while my friend got the mail from the street-side mailbox, piggy-piglet adorably (maliciously) slammed the front door shut with his dripping, drooling face, and battleship head. The door slammed and locked. My friend had no keys with him. He was only getting the mail.

To get back into his own home he had to clamber over his own 6” fence. Splinters threaded into his hands as he scrambled up the fence, just shy of breaking an arm when he dropped to the backyard mud. (It used to be grass, but the pig ate it.)

Trust Our Heart of Hearts and Our Gut

In his heart knowing, knowing the pig had done this on purpose. And, for all my friend’s dismay, hurt and sweaty gymnastics, scaling those splintering planks would have been fruitless if the back entries hadn’t been sliding glass doors that the pig couldn’t budge. He was forced to face the fact, after all my friend’s care, love, and generosity towards this pig: That pig tried to kick him out of his own home… And had been waiting for the chance to do it.

Think about it this way: sociopaths have no emotional intelligence since their abnormal, under-functioning brains disallow processing or feeling any emotions other than want, anger, fear, deluded superiority, and glee at getting what they want.

Emotional intelligence is considered – certainly the most useful form of intelligence if not the highest form. We as highly empathetic people have emotional intelligence by the ton.

Thinking a Sociopath is Intelligent Relates to Us Not Knowing What They Are

The pig stood there inside the house, staring out at my friend across the patio entry. It looked up at my flabbergasted, panting, scrapped up, trembling friend – hair tousled, glasses knocked crooked, arms scraped, hands throbbing with wood slivers. His heart, body, and pride had been through the wringer as he reflected on how close he came to breaking his legs or a hip.

That piggy blinked his wire-like, pale lashes with its usual dumb, innocent expression… but, this time my friend saw this fat, pink face also held a warning: The pig had failed in his take-over this time, but there would be the next time. – Except there wasn’t. Because the very next day my friend sent that piggy away to a farm for unwanted, unmanageable pigs. There are apparently many such pigs on many such farms.

Think of it Like This: Sociopaths are as out of control of their own existence and survival as the most helpless creature on earth. – If we didn’t believe them, where would they be? – Why Do We Believe The Lies of a Sociopath?

Our Empathy Buys Sociopaths Time to Take and Ruin

My friend felt so guilty, he gave that little piglet so many 2nd chances. Oh, that pig knew what he was doing. So do sociopaths. And it’s all riotous improvisation just like with the little piggy. – Snuffling out one opportunity after the next. Never ceasing in the hunt. Leaving us to leap tall fences. – But that’s okay – we’re our own Super Heroes. We are our own Angels. We are awesome!

Pathological Predators Hijack Our Humanity: Shut Down the Candy Store

So a sociopath, like the revolting pig my friend took in as a defenseless, sweet pet (sorry animal lovers) uses our own strengths and weaknesses against us; our normal human gorgeousness – against us. Our own desires for love, a family, a home, a good life – against us.

They are monsters. They aren’t intelligent. Just remorseless. Sociopaths have no wholesome or real emotional connection to us, or to anyone. Not even with that other woman, or that one, or the other one, or two that other guy either.

They Have Pea Brains

We can use the sociopath’s limited brain against them: realize it’s a crime – not a relationship by any means. Know they lie about any and all things. Everything they say or do is to get what they want and not get caught. Understand the meaning behind the stories.

Don’t respond to their emotional harassment and playing sick and sob stories. End the madness that is not a relationship – but a crime asap. Go zero contact and stay there forever. We end it, they won’t. We must reframe the nightmare for a full recovery and to render ourselves sociopath-proof forever.

I’m very sorry to say that this friend of mine, a former success in the music industry, was ensnared by a female sociopath in 2017. He has succumbed in total to her machinations and mesmerizing. Thi sled to divorcing his real wife and his entire life has been taken over by her. She has married him, deleted and blocked all his friends, taken his phone, his money and now his gorgeous home in the Hollywood Hills. – He is older now, and frail and medicated. This will be how his life ends. – these are not relationships. They are crimes.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Please feel free to reach out,
ask a question or comment in the form below.
I always respond.

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Feel free to reach out!
Ask a question, share your story,
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Thank you for your response. ✨

Thank you!

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
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True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. All Rights Reserved In Perpetuity 2014 ©

2016_04_20 2026_04_03

What is No Contact?

Why go no contact?
After a narcissistic user, no contact
is the way to take our life back.
Why does it matter so much?

To make things super-de-duper clear in this horrendously unclear time here’s a handy-dandy list describing what constitutes “contact” and what we want to achieve: “no contact.”

coaching with Jennifer Smith for PTSD and trauma after a sociopath or narcissist and to restore your life and build a future.

Keeping contact – exchanging mundane, or raging emails and text messages – even “lovey-dovey” ones – not only keeps us in the mess and the lies – it creates new trauma.

Not talking to each other is advised in normal relationship breakups. Not talking gives us a chance to see how we truly feel. How much more critical is it in a true love scam…?!

Each bit of any contact prolongs harm. The sociopath…that creature you might be calling a “narcissist” won’t offer up closure, an apology, or a sincere exchange of any kind.

What Is No Contact?

What is no contact…? It’s more than watching their messages come in and not answering. It’s the one thing that changes everything and that’s going no contact. We end what they started because they won’t.

Though that’s a good start, this isn’t what we call “no contact”… Each message is a zap of new trauma of interaction with them. Every voicemail, email, DM, text, SMS, PM, is a tug at our gut that makes us foggy and keeps us “in it”.

Contact Means We’re Offering Ourselves Up as Lunch

Further contact after a “break up”, or after there’s an “end”, more often inspires the sociopath to be violent or terrorizing. Without a doubt, the second time you come back together, things are worse whether there is violence or not. This escalates each time you “break up” and goes back.

Did you know that contact could lead to our losing legal battles for custody, divorce, annulment, or restraining orders? Staying in contact can make us look as crazy as they say we are.

To the sociopath, or that person you might have decided is a covert, overt or malignant narcissist: any contact is good contact. Any contact, of any kind at all such as responding to a message they drop into your DM, means to the pathological user that they still pull the strings and so can still access you to take what they want, or to use you as they like.

Dive deep for complete freedom.

We Do Need To End It: We Stop It They Don’t

Time went on quicker, tighter, everything tightened and escalated after I’d lost just about everything and he became overtly disgusted with everything around him. Finally, a combination of numbness and knowledge that my children and I were in very real danger took hold of me and eclipsed the fear of what he’d do if I left or any other fear or worry. As much as I still hated to accept it, I knew that it had to end, and it had to end by me before one of those horrible fears did happen. I had to accept that leaving or staying was life or death.” ~ Chapter 4, Shannon O. Entry No. 08 This Has to End

< Click the book cover to get yours…

Our Emotions Trip Us Up

This is a situation that demands our heads winning over what might linger in our hearts. The sociopath who hijacked us intended no good for us no matter how charming they were – or are. They will never, ever be anything good they promised.

Strictly establishing no contact and keeping no contact will influence our chance of beginning to recover; our safety, and our well-being, and can decide whether or not we win in court.

Staying no contact is to protect our kids. The sooner we go no contact the sooner we can expect a return to happiness in the days to come and long-term.

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Staying In Contact Makes Us Appear Untrustworthy and Questionable in Court

Attorneys and Judges frown on those standing before them seeking divorce and child custody from a predator spouse and at the same time has kept contact with the user-abuser.

If we maintain contact our credibility shrinks. If there are children the only contact is best as emails and only related to logistics of pick-ups and drop-offs.

Our silence is the loudest, most meaningful thing we can say to them.

Unless specific communication with them is requested by an attorney, staying in contact makes us look unreliable, untrustworthy, unstable, and indecisive to Judges, child services, counselors, police, and attorneys.

Staying in contact makes our claims of abuse, defrauding, theft, and all the rest straight questionable. We lose big-time if we stay in contact. Go no contact. Only stay in contact via email or a court app if told to by the court to do so for the logistics of child visits.

This is Staying In Contact:

These are the things you want to not do in order to get your life back and to be heard in the most meaningful way by the pathological user, and then have the space to begin your recovery odyssey:

  • Let their calls ring through to our phones, even if we don’t answer – their number is best blocked so we don’t see any calls or texts
  • Call their number and hang up
  • Dial their number to their voicemail
  • Take their phone calls
  • Call them
  • Leave them messages
  • Listen to their voicemail messages
  • Let emails from them land in our inbox
  • Read the emails they send to us
  • Respond to their emails
  • Sort through their emails because we have their password
  • Read the text, SMS, private Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, or any messages from them
  • Respond to any messages from them
  • Initiate any messages to them

Close Every Portal from Us to Them

Deeper no contact: close every portal open from our life to theirs. More things we don’t do in no contact.

  • Look at their Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or any of their online images, or media
  • Look at their “friends” social media pages
  • Sort through their posts looking at their new target or for other prey
  • Look at old photos of them on our phone or on our FB page or anywhere else
  • Sort through our wedding photos or other pictures of him or us
  • Keep things that remind us of him or her
  • Make an alias FB account so we can look at their page that we blocked

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For Court: Save What They’ve Already Sent: Every Message Counts

There’s one exception to keeping contact: we can keep contact when or if an attorney tells us to send a particular message to the sociopath from our email for a legal step in any legal process. These emails are then forwarded as-is to the attorney for the legal process.

Strictly establishing no contact and keeping no contact will influence our chance of beginning to recover; our safety, our well-being, and can be a deciding factor in whether or not we win in court.

Keep old messages: archive old emails and texts that may be needed to show violence, intended violence, marriage fraud, name-calling or harassment, or refusal to follow the procedure in divorce, annulment, or other legal matters. Text messages are best also saved in a chronological series of screenshots showing time/date stamping.

If you print out text messages they lose formatting and are simply line after line of the conversation with no way to tell who said what or when.

We do want to make sure all saved messaging has time date stamps and clearly indicates whose device it’s from (theirs) and to whom (you or other targets.) Keep these as screenshots, printouts, and files on a thumb drive. Save copies for yourself. Forward them to your attorney.

Resist Keeping Tabs Unless It’s to Gather Court Evidence

This is for your safety: Maybe you’ve landed here and are uncertain if the person you’re leaving is a sociopath or a narcissist. I get it that this is unbelievably hard. Please, as soon as you can realize that even though You’re not sure what’s going on, the most important thing to do is to protect yourself and your own well-being. It’s best not to talk about them anywhere to anyone other than privately to a few select people. Leave off any social media posts about our misery in breaking up. And here’s there real-deal and the really tough part: we aren’t breaking up as much as we’re making an escape. – Please don’t tap and type away in Reddit threads about this user we’re breaking away from, please stop yourself from listing them on www.badboyfriend.com. It’s best if you don’t make a FB page dedicated to talking trash about them no matter how true the trash is – and I’m here to tell you, whatever trash you have on them it isn’t even a thimble full of their over-flowing-garbage-can-of-a-life. – This is not to let them get away with it! This is to make you, us, you, and I a “non-threat” to the sociopath. Then go report through the proper channels if there’s something to  stand up for your life about. And even I use the word “game” sometimes to talk about this, but in real life: this is not a game.

This is No Contact: This is What We Want to Do

On Facebook

  • Using the block function in the Privacy settings in Facebook to block them: here’s how
  • Doing the same with all mutual “Friends” or connections on Facebook
  • Not looking at their Facebook page
  • Staying away from their friends’ Facebook pages
  • Avoiding FB pages of our (now former) friends who are “Friends” on his or her’s Facebook page
  • Never private message him or her
  • Not messaging any of his or her “friends”; they don’t have actual genuine friends, and all people are prey to them

Regarding Email

In order to let their email scoop in case you need them for evidence and court or legal matters, we can. However, at the same time these nasty and lying and so freaking crazy emails don’t need to come into our real-life email. We can send them to a special inbox just for the lunatic.

  • Make a new email address
  • Don’t give them this new one
  • Do not email them
  • Do not read any emails they send you to any email address whatsoever

In addition, consider changing the “channel”, the IP address that your internet is routed through. Simply call your internet provider and ask them to switch the IP address you receive your internet connection through.

This will knock off any device from access to your internet that may have at one time or another signed in to your internet service on a device of their own.

Think Zero Contact and Non-Threat: We Need to Seem Invisible and Nonexistent

Cell Phones

  • There’s a block function on smartphones per each phone number; use it with his or her’s
  • Alternatively, call your service provider and have them block this number for you from being able to call into your phone
  • No calls or texts from that number can come in after that; alternately, login to our online account with our service provider and block the numbers
  • Do not ever answer any calls in the future coming in as blocked or unavailable or restricted
  • Don’t answer calls from an unknown number or unidentified caller
  • Block the unknown numbers that call you and don’t leave a voicemail that shows they’re a legitimate caller

Consider getting a new or used-new phone and a new number. A used-new phone can be just the ticket right now. Do not load old contacts.

Enter the old-school one by one… Only the good ones. – In cases where this seems appropriate, consider a prepaid burner phone for six months or so.

More About No Contact

Believe this: we might want the sociopath to hurt as we did – sure, me too, we might even we might even wish them dead, that’s normal. Some of us stay in contact thinking if we call them names and fight with them it will hurt them, or they’ll finally apologize.

We want them to “understand” that they’re hurting us. This is not going to happen in the way we’re looking for. For one, they know they hurt us; this doesn’t bother them.

News Flash: sociopaths (narcissists) do not “hurt” in the way we do; they “hurt” when things are taken from them or there’s a threat of being exposed. When we leave we become a threat to them as far as their concern about who we’ll tell all about them.

They experience trauma when highly valuable prey takes off. As strange as this is, the pathologically narcissistic (sociopaths aka psychopaths aka narcissists) have no feelings that are relatable to our emotional range of concern and experience as fully limbic-brained – normal – humans.

It’s only us who’s hurt by contact. Us going no contact is what hurts them. Please, go and stay no contact.

From their point of view: if we’re texting, calling, emailing or responding, arguing, crying, talking… no matter how we feel, no matter what the words flying out of our mouths are: to them, it means they still own us if we say anything at all. It’s only us who’s hurt by contact. Us going no contact is what hurts them. Please, go and stay in no contact.

No Contact On Other Platforms

  • Instagram, Pinterest: Nothing. Nope. Don’t look at theirs. Block theirs and all associated with them. Period. Instagram has a new feature called “Restrict”
  • Twitter: No
  • LinkedIn: Ditto as above
  • Snap Chat: Nope. We “blocked” their number on our phone; see Cell Phones above
  • FaceTime: See Cell Phones above – their number is blocked!
  • Skype: No; no Skype, zero, zip, nadda, zilch
  • Zoom: No Zoom
  • TikTok: No TikTok
  • WhatsApp: No
  • Signal or Telegraph: No
  • Land Lines: Change our voice greeting to the default anonymous greeting and screen calls
  • Cell and Landline: change your number either over the phone or online with your provider, you can select a new number.
  • FAX Number: Again if we have a landline for faxing – change the number.

Understand: No Contact is For Us: It’s How We Win

Hopefully, it’s becoming meaningful on a real-deal-critical level, that we can’t meet them for coffee, to trade back our belongings, or to have sex. We don’t go out to dinner, meet them at a club, meet them with friends. Follow the best practices for our well-being when leaving a sociopath aka narcissist.

Be sure to re-key your doors. This involves changing out the locking mechanism. This works perfectly well rather than getting the whole new doorknob which means their old key doesn’t fit your lock anymore.

And neither does the one they might have copied on the sly. If there’s a knock at your door the way to get them gone is to not answer. Additionally, make no reply, not even talking to them from behind the door.

We Bring This to an End

Let’s never see their smirky, ugly face again. I know we all know this, but I’m just sayin’. Go no contact… zero contact, hardcore. Our silence is the loudest, most meaningful thing we can say to them. And let’s be real. You might reach out or wish they would. That’s normal until we fully know what a sociopath is and what that means.

For our own well-being, our safety, and our future; for finding ourselves again, we go zero contact, radio silent. And… You drop off their radar. And goodbye to the nut-job.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Please feel free to reach out,
ask a question or comment in the form below.
I always respond.

Time to Thrive!

The Podcast! Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Ranked Feedspot’s #1 Podcast on Coercive Control!

The latest episode: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium and Substack

SD Voyager interview

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

Thank you!

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. Founded 2014 © All Rights Reserved.

2016_04_05 2025_06_13

How To Break Up With a Sociopath or Narcissist

When we see through the façade
we reach a moment when we want to
breakaway and end it.

Ending it with a narcissist or a sociopath is a very scary hell of its own. They seem so all-powerful and in control. In truth, sociopaths’ lives are shallow and transparent. They fall apart as we begin to glimpse their empty souls. The scary part is what they do to hang on.

They let us think we’re in a relationship and we feel we are. Therefore, naturally, we do what normal people do: We give it our all. And then as time passes we see that things aren’t adding up.

We’ve had enough promises, sob stories, chaos. Enough lies. When the malarkey outweighs the good we thought was there, we come to a point where we’re ready to toss out the trash.

When We’ve Had Enough of the Lies and Abuse from a Sociopath

Trash is all they are, but because we’re normal people, the thing is, it takes as long as it takes for us to absorb this. As they take what they want, lives are destroyed for their own survival and it not only doesn’t faze them, they take it as a personal accomplishment.

They spend our money. Want sexual things we don’t. Include us. Exclude us. Entrust us. Suspect us. Play sick. Stay out late. Keep us from our family or friends. Don’t work. Are gone a lot.

They pretend to work very hard. Don’t answer our texts. Don’t pick up our calls. Block us from their Facebook. Keep us from our faith. Cry fake tears. Lie even more. And more. Then lie some more.

We begin to not quite believe them… We have doubts. We then rationalize more, because that is normal. And then, more doubts, more nuttiness…. And then. Snap. No more. Nope. The spell breaks. This is when it’s suddenly more terrifying to stay than to leave.

Making your way out? Find the safest, swiftest way back to yourself.

End it With a Sociopath: Sociopaths aka Narcissists Know Every Scam Relationship Will End

If you’re not convinced these are scams rather than relationships, read these words from a self-professed sociopath about how we can get how to get rid of them. They want out too.

They know each scam will end, and if we want them out before they fail and bail – which most people think of as being devalued and discarded – but is not in fact what’s happening at all… We can do this:

“The best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to “poison the well” so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being useless or contrary, without being openly defiant… Pretend you’re tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don’t fight back. Say “I don’t know what’s come over me.” Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. After about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of her basic needs.”

~ Advice on how to make them leave, from a sociopath

Guidelines to Break Free of the Sociopath Nut Case

If you’ve been lied to, used for your money, they won’t lift a finger, they’ve stopped being physically intimate with you… that’s a sociopath laying up there on your couch.

Here are guidelines to end it with a sociopath safely and as quickly as can be and with the least fallout. There will be fallout. We will be frightened. It will feel like eons before they go. After they go we’ll go through post-traumatic stress. Doing nothing would be much, much, much, much, much, much, much worse. We can protect ourselves. We can take immediate action. We can end this.

How to Leave a Narcissistic Sociopath

You’re going to become useless. Cut off goods and services. The sociopath will be baffled, taken aback, and pissed….That dinner isn’t on the table so to speak. And leave within weeks. Keep loving. Keep living like a real human. We are awesome. You are awesome.

First Things First:

  1. Do not tell them we want out, and do not attempt a “break up talk”
  2. Do not confide in them, confess to them how you’re feeling
  3. Keep your feelings to yourself
  4. Don’t confront or question them about anything; be silent or passively agreeable
  5. Keep generally behaving as you have been
  6. Be a calm, pleasant, passive blank when they’re in the same room
  7. Do not allow your thoughts and plans of escaping roll through your mind in their presence
  8. Pretend to still like them just the same as before

The Next Thing We Can Do is Lie to Them

As unbelievable as it might seem, sociopaths are each and all alike. Identical tactics and the same limited thinking. We can use their weaknesses to get them gone. – You might be thinking of them as a narcissist and reading up on narcissists – that’s okay, but if you’ve been lied to or used for your money, they won’t lift a finger, and they have stopped being physically intimate with you… That’s a sociopath laying up there on your couch.

Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.

Keep our plan to ourselves. Protect ourselves and our belongings immediately – secretly. Don’t hesitate. Do this now. Why…? – Because sociopaths steal and destroy at the end. They’re thieves. And liars. Psychopaths like to take things like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant – just to say: I was here. They want last-minute funding, a car, a credit card – and to leave us holding the bag.

They steal or sell identities. Do they all steal? Every time? If they feel like it – yes. They have no conscience. No guilt. No love. They’re criminals. And they’re mean. Better to protect ourselves than be tragically sorry.

Sociopaths Steal: Especially at the End of a “Relationship”

Remove all of the following from your home to a safe location such as a friend’s house, your workplace, or a safe deposit box. Use this checklist:

  1. Anything we care about for its sentimental or monetary value: The first items that come to mind are the ones. If he knows you treasure them, protect them. They go through our things – our drawers, closets, cupboards, dressers – that secret p! ace – they’ll sniff it out, to find things to take.
  2. Valuable jewelry in gold, silver, precious stones, watches, etc. Things they can pawn or sell.
  3. Cameras, laptops, audio gear, guns, anything easy to lift, and take away.
  4. Photographs of the two of you. Including evidence of his abuse, your marriage, and anything compromising.
  5. Documents. All of them. Anything legal. Copy his. Make copies of ours and the kids. Then, along with the originals secure them safely out of the house.

You don’t believe they’d steal…? Think again before it’s too late. Protect yourself.

Secure Originals & Copies Where the User Cannot Find Them

  • Passports
  • Social Security cards and numbers
  • Birth Certificates
  • Marriage Certificates
  • Mortgage papers
  • Car registrations
  • Auto insurance
  • Credit card information and statements and all numbers
  • Bank account information
  • Stocks, bonds, CDs, and all banking, investment, or monetary records
  • Immigration papers
  • Change all our passwords, PINS, and logins
  • Have extra house or apartment, even car keys made and give them to a trusted friend to hold
  • Write down numbers or better yet photocopies or take pictures of:
    • The sociopath’s Passport, IDs, driver’s licenses, credit cards
    • Bank or credit card statements
    • Social Security number
    • Receipts or pics or copies of wire money transfers from or to him or her
    • If he has a car write down his license plate number, car make and model, take photos of it, take down the VIN number
    • Keep photos of his face to ID him in case law enforcement, FBI, DEA or immigration become involved

Community Property in Marriage

If we’re married to them, in eight states within the United States, all of our belongings – belong to them. They can take them and do anything with them if we’re married. Really. They call it community property. — This works both ways, what’s theirs is ours.

There’s another thing called common property. Look up your state. If he or she steals while you’re married chances are nothing is a police matter or considered a crime. – Take care of ourselves.

Take your property. Whether married or not, transfer your personal savings and checking to another account. You can open a new account in a new bank or whatever feels most secure. Sociopaths steal. Consider getting a Post Office Box and redirecting all your mail there.

There’s nothing wrong or lacking in you that made this happen.

Be Safe When Leaving a Sociopath

Here’s what I did: Hands shaking I took his credit cards out of his wallet. – MY credit accounts that I’d made him an “authorized user” on – while he was in the shower. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Then – I lied. I said: The credit cards (three cards altogether) had been canceled by the card companies for going over the limit. –

He’d taken them over the limit – but I made no accusation, I gave no detail, no other explanation – I said it apologetically, but with conviction. I said I did it to protect him – I said if he used them in public they’d be confiscated by the retailer and, with a pathetic fake concern for him I passively whined, I wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed like that.

It absolutely worked: they believe anything you say. Was it scary…? Yes. Terrifying. I was saving my life.

Nothing Stops Them: We End It, We Stop It

Then a few days later I lied again. I said I’d lost my wallet so the checking account debit card had been canceled. I stopped putting my paycheck in our joint bank account – then I closed it. – Guess what? He knew how to reopen it.

I had to have the bank keep an eye out for 24 hours to make sure it stayed closed. I watched him stay in the game no matter what lie I told. The surreal mounts, but now we’re in control. Ride it out. The way will open.

There’s Nothing They Won’t Do or Say

Here’s the thing: sociopaths make all kinds of preposterous claims as they lie their way through life. – Amazingly I found I could say anything and he played along as if it were true, though I was sure he knew it wasn’t.

Simply say: Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon. And nothing else. That tiny line will do it all. Delivering it means you just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” Be proud.

I’d stumbled on sociopath-magic-rules-of-engagement: any lie is true. It was almost a high to fly so near the fringes and outsmart this being I now called in my head: The Monster. It was pure improvisation – life-saving improvisation on my part… it was normal live-by-the-seat-of-his-pants-all-is-a-lie for him.

Underneath it, we both knew our dynamics were shifting like silently colliding tectonic plates deep within the foundations bringing inescapable unpredictable and life-threatening upheaval that I determined – no matter what – would settle as a forced departure for him – and freedom for me.

Protect Ourselves When a Sociopath Leaves

Passwords and PINS and logins. Change them. All. If we can – block him or her on social media. As in using the actual “block” function on Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, and all the rest. They won’t be notified, but they’ll also no longer see any of our Facebook, or other social media activity. – We also will not be able to see theirs. It’s called going no contact.

Shut Down the Things the Sociopath is Enjoying

Become absolutely useless to them. If we usually make dinner. Stop. If we normally take out the garbage and make the bed. Don’t. Forget his dry cleaning. Stop doing his laundry or leave it lumpy and half-damp in the laundry basket. Passively, quietly, humbly, meekly, say, “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry, hon.” And nothing else. Period You just gave a lifesaving Academy Award-winning performance. Keep it up.

Forget his favorite food. Sleep late, Stop cleaning. Disappear after work without calling him. Leave the car without gas. Forget to pay the internet bill – tell him it’s being shut off. Tell him your savings account is empty. Don’t talk at home. Keep to yourself. Sleep. Go into your room. Leave unexpectedly. Talk to your sister even though they hate it when we do.

Focus on Your Well Being From This Moment On

Do whatever truly lifts you up and leads to breakthroughs. Go back to church if that was your thing pre-nutbag. Or step into meditation, wok out, make art, attend your book club meetings, or whatever faith or strength-giving endeavor they tried to stop you from practicing. When they talk look away, bored. Walk out of the room.

Think about replacing, swapping out the time you spent with them for an activity that you love… Something else. When they ask: Have something else to do at the times you used to spend with them. Add to that, zero cash to hand out. Pay no more of their bills. Simply say: Oh, gosh. Sorry, hon, implying vapid, passive stupidity on your part. Say nothing else. That tiny line will do it all. Delivering that kind of deflecting new reality for your safety and to maneuver them out of your life means you just graduated to “expert in deceiving a sociopath.” Be proud.

Prepare For Safety and a Smooth Exit

Consider carrying a change of clothes and overnight things or having spares at work. Just a precaution. – Again this is without their knowledge. – If the sociopath invading your life is already violent with you – all the more so take this precaution.

Make extra house keys. Give some to a really trusted good friend who had no connection to the sociopath. If you’re leaving the clutches of an actively violent sociopath please check with professional advisers on domestic violence.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

Join the podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

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Add these to your contacts
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jennifer@truelovescam.com
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Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2016_02_13 2023_08_05

Trauma Bonding Comes from Our Innate Goodness

Trauma bonding is a normal stress response.
Our instinctive human bonding is
another normal human function
sociopaths hijack for their own use.
Lets take back our lives.

Bonding is part of humanity. It’s human at its essence. In times of stress or crisis bonding happens naturally. We see it within families, we see it within countries and groups. Bonding while in trauma is a built-in mechanism to bring us connection with those we love for new-found resilience and strength to handle the crisis.

This marvelous lifesaving mechanism to bond more deeply in times of attack, danger, or trouble occurs even when the one we love is the source of the crisis.

Traumatic bonding isn’t a weakness in our soul. It’s innate, normal and something we can’t not do as healthy human beings. And when we’re ensnared by one of these creatures, we’re under a sticky hypnotic kinda spell holding us in like quicksand. Hanging in is normal.

In the chaos of life with a sociopath, we bond with them because we feel we love them and are in a relationship with them. This is natural.

How recovered would you like to be?

Understand Trauma Bonding for Deeper Healing

The bottom of our world drops. The love of your life is a beast from hell. Your stomach lurches, your heart pounds, you choke on your own breath. Adrenaline floods your brain.

The discovery that we were a criminal fraudster’s mark knocks our world out of place, the floor under our feet drops away. The dawning revelation that there is no love and that in fact, we’re in danger with this person and because of this person is like an awakening from a nightmare to find it’s alive and real.

It brings vertigo and laser clarity in equal measure. In one moment we go from the struggle of trying to align an out-of-sync relationship to the blinding truth that there wasn’t one. Nothing is what we thought it was.

The Spell Breaks

In this one crazy single moment for me, I also realized I’d been living at least two worlds all along and that moment the spell broke those two worlds each became more sharply delineated, and yet full still of mud at the same time. The best part was, I’d snapped the ropes that bound me to him. There was much more unwinding to do, but nothing would take away this new insight into this mess.

There’s nothing wrong with us. We are not broken…and believe me, I know you might feel broken. I did. What we are is richly, fully, amazingly human. This is our saving grace. how you’re feeling is not the new you. It isn’t permanent.

When We See Behind the Mask to the Monster

Yes, before the mask completely falls we know things aren’t great – but not in our wildest imagination can we or anyone else yet comprehend the reality we face a seeming meastro of deceit and destruction wearing the skin and clothing of a person we thought was the love of our life.

Courage and connection is found in the alchemy of this life and death traumatic stress in the aftermath of a sociopath. – A stronger, bigger better heart.

Terror floods our veins. Danger stands before us wearing the same shoes that troubled-love stood there wearing only a split second ago. Our heart races. Our mind spins.

We fall into a chasm of terror or lift ourselves to a new life. The stress of seeing the sociopath behind the mask, the narcissist without his fake persona is profound stress.

Trauma Stress and Regular Old Stress Makin’ Folks Sick

We’ve all heard – and have experienced – that stress makes us sick, as in ill from annoying colds to heart attacks. Stress has been something to avoid.

During even one year of lots of stress, a leading health psychologist, Dr. Kelly McGonigal tells us, studies show that stress gives a 43% increased risk of edging us toward our demise – but that’s old news! Now they know – drum roll: This is the result only if we believe stress is harmful. – Remember, they used to believe the earth was flat?

What if we can make stress help us? There’s a new take on stress. Stress is now known as the “biology of courage.” Trauma bonding and the trauma of life or living with a sociopath is our path to amazingness. It’s one of the cool things about being human.

The rush of blood and adrenaline, the rapid heart rate – the other chemicals made by our bodies under stress – will, rather than defeat us, save our lives.

Stress and Trauma Cause Us to Bond

Stress gives us access to our hearts. The stress of trauma gives us the instinct to reach out to others who love us and — to support those in stress. This connecting factor saves us and brings health and longevity.

Stress – even stress from a monster attack – is our friend. It isn’t the enemy as we’ve been taught; stress isn’t the road to the common cold, but the pathway to more compassion for ourselves and anyone in need of support.

Our pounding heart is preparing us for action, pumping energy into our bloodstream. The increased breathing is getting oxygen to our brains for precise body function.

There’s a Podcast!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

Restore Our Lives

When we think of the stress response as on our side rather than something that makes us sick we relax into it and biochemically within our body, the reaction is “like that in moments of joy and courage”.

Courage and connection are found in the alchemy of this life and post-traumatic stress in the aftermath of a sociopath. – A stronger, bigger better heart.

There is a simple hypothesis about what steers the human brain to trust another human: a hormone called oxytocin….our behavior is also influenced by a large number of very complex, yet identifiable, biological processes. Future research should help us understand how cognitive and biological processes interact in shaping our decisions about whom to trust.

~ Brain Trust, by Michael Kosfeld

Stress Leads Us to Others: It’s a Good Thing

Stress makes us social – the chemical reaction in the body from stress makes us reach out to those we love and simultaneously causes us to fight for those we love. That famous hormone: Oxytocin is a neuro-hormone created in the pituitary gland shooting magic sauce through the body when under stress that has a special, purposeful function.

As Dr. McGonigal says, it “fine-tunes our social instincts.” This chemical rush primes us to do things that strengthen close relationships. Stress makes us more willing to help and support people we care about.

Pathological Users Hijack Every Natural Part of Normal Humans

There’s a built-in mechanism within our bodies; a natural response to handling stress that leads us to make a deeper connection. Yes, a deeper bond with the person we’re going through the trauma with. When we’re in this mess entangled by a sociopath and the anxiety and chaos mount, we bond with them. That’s normal.

The thing is, we don’t yet know they’re abnormal. This bonding is called trauma bonding, and then, in this case, our normal human bonding mechanism is seen by “experts” as a weakness or a fault. – Our normal bonding in chaos and trauma is yet another human function the sociopath turns to their advantage.

Initially, the chaos the sociopath whips up in our relationship bonds us to them because of the flood of oxytocin we didn’t even know our body was shooting out.

Trauma Sustained Over Time

The more havoc and imbalance the sociopath makes, the more our body’s involuntary protective stress reaction makes us reach out to them because at least at that moment, we still love them.

Because that’s how humans function biologically, and so we believe them. And so we fight for them, and for us as a couple. – Until we don’t. Until they do something so horrific our body recognizes them for what they are: the enemy from hades. Then things really heat up.

When we see through the sociopath use that fight-or-flight rush of oxytocin for us. Run to the real true love of family and long-time friends. Embrace our own lives. Stress can create resilience and joy.

Trust yourself; we can handle the challenge of the stress in the aftermath of a sociopath – the ability to do this is built into our body – and even our body knows we don’t have to face it alone. Connect with others who don’t judge, and can listen in the aftermath of a sociopath to anchor ourselves to human goodness. 

Dr. Kelly McGonigal on Stress as Fuel for Renewal

There’s more.
Introducing, Dr. Kelly McGonigal, TED Talk.
Listen to the doctor, she explains it much better than I do. 

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

There’s a podcast too!

Have a listen: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com

Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

2016_01_02 2022_11_12

Bored Nomads: Heartless Hobos

Pathological parasitic predators- the “narcissist”,
a sociopath is often noticeably bored.
Bored heartless nomads.
Without care or connection,
one place is much like another.

Sociopaths are bored nomads. Empty souls, empty brains, absent hearts. They’re in this bored stupor and without care or connection because the part of the brain that registers like, love, care, and concern…empathy and compassion is we could say, unplugged.

Guy walking with a backpack trying to decide which direction to go.

Their “connecter” elements don’t operate. Essentially, connectability just isn’t there so they don’t “attach” to anyone, to anything, or to any place. And because nothing holds positive emotional significance for them -not even a home- they’re just kind of blah.;

Have you noticed that they don’t notice or care what color the drapes are, or what kind of coffee table sits in the living room as long as it holds their feet while they prop up and camp out on the sofa alongside it? And unless they’re presenting as and playing what I call the Haus Maus they don’t know where the washer and dryer are.

A House Is Not a Home: Home is a Hideout

We won’t notice this at first because they’re busy making promises about our life together. Later when they’re slouched on the sofa, scrolling endlessly, carrying their phone to the bathroom, to bed, and the gym or on a laptop scrolling continuously, grunting or saying nothing to us for hours or days on end, then we see their emptiness.

And guaranteed while we relate to “there’s no place like home”, for them “home” is no place or any place. And further as some of us come to realize when it comes down to the bare bones of it all where ever they claim as “home” in reality this place is a hideout.

There is resolution and full restoration.
What is recovery for you?

Nobodies Home Inside Them Aside from Evil

Sociopathic parasitic predators pretend to feel things they don’t feel. They “pretend” sorrow, apologies, desperation, love, concern about us; every positive emotion toward us is manufactured and presented and not genuine or real.

Everything they express or show emotionally has a meaning behind it that is not what we think it is or what the words add up to. Let’s not miss this point however: All they do and say has meaning; significant and distinct meaning to their lives. Translating what we think their words meant into what it really meant is something we take on as we recover our lives in the aftermath.

Hiding in a Hideout: Empty Brained Narcissistic Predators

They know their emptiness and hatred of us is something we can’t accept, and it freaks us out. If we’re freaked out, that means they don’t get as much stuff! It can mean they need to move on sooner, and that puts them at risk. The risk they fear is that we might tell others about what they’ve done and the truth about their character.

So they fake it to get stuff and to keep that cozy couch to sleep on. To keep our ATM card, access to our car, and anything else. Unfortunately, they have an uncanny power of influence and get lots unless we already – fully – know what a sociopath is.

When normal humans take in a moment in life or interact in human exchange, our bodies respond by making a chemical mix that rushes to our bloodstream and brain and animates us in emotional responses of gratitude, empathy, delight, joy, or reverent awe, or an endless combo of sensation.

Bonding is Normal: It’s Absent in Pathological Parasitic Predators

This grand cocktail of life forges deeper connections with others around us and to our very selves. In a sociopath this function is absent. They switch emotional responses on and off – sort of. But not really…

It’s that there’s just no one human home. Though a sociopath might say, we feel emotions. Ours is just different. – Well, yeah, that’s the point; they’re the feelings of a monster. Very, very different than ours.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Sociopaths Have No Emotional Connection

Sociopaths mimic the emotions they see us go through. They don’t feel feelings like we do or understand ours. It’s all bars and tone – or desire and rage in the sociopath’s brain.

We get attached to our home and the simple things that take our breath away, illicit tears, smiles, giggles, or a sigh weigh in as a heavy clunk of next-to-nothingness in the sociopath’s “heart”.

The pride in our home, our lives, our child’s college graduation, first prom, first steps, or our teary-eyed satisfaction at giving the perfect gift to a loved one are experiences a sociopath will never have. Nope. Sociopaths have white noise where love should be.

We Feel Things Like:

  • Delight: at making a new friend
  • Pleasure: in helping someone besides ourselves
  • Joy: at the birth of a new baby, or moving into a new home
  • Compassion: for another’s sorrows or troubles
  • Satisfaction: in a job well done

A Sociopath Feels Excited About Personal Gain:

  • Delight: gloating at ensnaring a new victim
  • Pleasure: in a well-told lie
  • Joy: in scamming a new place to live, hide out, operate from
  • Compassion: there is none for anyone
  • Satisfaction: in a smear campaign that keeps people on their side

Otherwise, they spend a great deal of time simply bored. They mainly alternate and cycle through fear, excitement, glee, self-satisfaction, and boredom.

The Sociopath aka Narcissist Desires Only to Take and Use

The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey.

A sociopath scum bag’s sole desire is to suck us in, to take, and to use us and all we have and all those around us if possible. They make up lots of “good reasons” to live together. They might say something like, “I need to move by Friday because my roommate stopped paying rent…” – It’s a hint at what they want. They toss out bait hoping we’ll bite out of our ordinary and gorgeous human empathy and compassion and social conditioning in order to – in this case – take over our space.

They’re laser-focused on this. They don’t want to pay rent or share in the bills. They make promises of work they’re getting, money coming in, and they’ll do the dishes later.

Haus-Maus or Man In Pants: It’s all Fraud

Some sociopaths have the persona of man-around-the-house and get bossy while others play Mr. Mom and do laundry, cook, clean, and pick up the kids. This is the way this type of sociopath gets the cheese. Yes, like rats in a lab as they go through life they learn which button to push to get dinner.

I call this errand running, dinner making, kid caring sociopath the haus-maus – or house-mouse. It’s all bait. This is what they hope will hook their room and board. Their shelter from the storms. Storms both outside falling from the sky, and quite likely the storm anger of the last person they messed with who’s now after them.

The Provider

Some others, averse to chores and dirty work, flash cash instead and foot the bill for a bit to secure their place in our home. From the beginning – or by the end – they don’t pay, won’t pay, and get mad if asked to pay. – Be aware there are those who pay big-bucks all throughout keeping us in mani-pedies, vacations, and designer clothes. However, it comes at a price.

A sociopath dirtbag (even if you’re calling them a narcissist) is never the person we think they are until we see the devil in their eyes. Then – and only then, are we seeing who they are. Since no one with a heart wants to live with a devil they try their best to hide it. Their best is not very good.

Con Men Predators Get So Bored and Need Places to Hide

The ironic trap of needing the person they don’t care about pisses them off. Without emotional attachment, pretending to be in love with someone would get old. And bothersome. Their hatred of us begins to show itself.

Sociopaths are bored nomads, their boredom makes it hard to keep up their facades.

They drop the act at any random moment, then shove the mask back in place, drop it, put it up again and it falls once more.

This inconsistency is how we see through them. That’s okay with them. Ultimately, these scum bag inhuman users don’t care about the longevity of a scam as much as they care about taking what they’re after and going free.

Getting What They Want and Getting Away

The getaway is important. And these predators do indeed have many people are after them. Lots of people on their tail. Always.

They’ve got people they owe money to, women with babies they’ve left to support on their own, someone’s husband who wants to beat the living-day-lights out of them, bench warrants, they’ve skipped parole, evaded taxes, jumped debts, stolen cars to ride off in. They’re so, so busy; so busy running in fear.

Changing Location is Essential to Surviving as a Sociopath

And so, sociopaths, con men change geographic locations over and over. Every three to ten months, the predator needs new prey, and often new hunting grounds.

They pack light and leave things behind, as they skip and hop from place to place without their name registered on a lease or posted on a mailbox. The scampiest of these I call the backpackers. – All they have is a dirty backpack, easy to pick up and go.

They hide behind their prey for official things like rental contracts. If we think they “own” a house, a condo, or a boat, but look closely, they mostly don’t own anything, and always there’s more to it than meets the normal human eye.

Where Ever They Are They Are The Same

Whether a sociopath skulks in a low-rent district or a high-rise, through all the lies they’re hard to trace and difficult to pin down.

The sociopath, as a bored nomadic parasitic predator moves on to shake trouble from their tail and stir up glittery resources. They make a get-away to fresh territory and ripe untapped prey. “Want” never leaves them, ever on the search for more money and more fun… otherwise they get so bored.

Boredom and Fear Are Forefront in Their Black Hearts

Boredom isn’t the only reason sociopaths, con men, narcissistic users need to move on down the road. It’s those people after them and those scams that blow up that lead them to a new location. Sociopaths are bored and boring and make terrible, monster, roommates. Who needs ’em?

There are many great books here to read more about these traveling monsters. Understand what’s really going on and set ourselves free!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. All Rights Reserved In Perpetuity 2014 ©

2015_12_19 2026_06_17

DIY Guide to a Sociopath’s Brain and Psyche

Sociopaths, narcissists as in the pathologically narcissistic,
the pathological users and liars, predators
don’t think as we do.
Their hearts are colder than ice, harder than stone.
The trouble lies within their brains.

Sociopaths are known for their charm if you like that particular sociopath. Then, along the way, there’s that hairpin turn to nightmare behavior. This D.I.Y. Guide to a sociopath’s brain and psyche cracks the code. So… what’s going on in those heads of theirs?

Sociopaths – the pathologically narcissistic, the predatory parasitic user – don’t think as we do because they can’t. The vast chasm of difference between “normal” and “sociopath” is found in the brain.

Sociopaths Have a Brain That Works Very Differently than Ours

These pathological users can act in ways we’d never imagine. Making use of others is their normal.

Sociopaths’ and psychopaths’ brains don’t work a bit like ours. It’s confusing and frustrating to try to build relationships with them because they’re missing the building blocks of bonding.

We get caught up in our own emotional reactions to what’s happening between us and them. We go to emotions and to talking things out to correct conflict and confusion and to bond. We “feel” our way through life.

We Are Normal Through and Through

sociopaths' brains are underfunctioning #malignantnarcissist #sociopath

And that’s normal… and really great, except these narcissistic pathological users aren’t normal and don’t care what we feel, so it doesn’t help us at all.

Sociopaths and psychopaths do not have the brain capacity to feel any social or personal positive connection or bond. We can look into their eyes searching for a connection and find nothing but empty, or worse. – This is also likely that person you might be calling a ‘narcissist”.

Though in human skin and bones, they’re empty and hollow aside from destructive forces and utterly devoid of humanity. This is really difficult to realize, to see, to take in, to accept, and to understand.

What is recovered for you?

How Can Sociopaths Do What They Do?

Whether we call them sociopaths, malignant narcissists, con artists, scammers, covert narcissists, liars, or users – they’re all alike. It’s incredibly hard for us to imagine the vast emptiness inside their heads.

Without any human connection, they have only one thing going on in their upstairs hamster wheel of a brain: survival.

The way a predator, a parasite such as a sociopath survives is like any parasite, they live through the efforts of others and off of others. They know this about themselves. They count on us not knowing this.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

We Can Only Be Normal

We, as normal humans who do bond and care, have limbic brains. This is the brain of a mammal. A mammal is an animal – including us humans – that gives vaginal birth. Yah! I know, right! This includes in part cows, bunnies, dogs, cats, monkeys, elephants, dolphins, and whales. Each of these, including humans, bonds, loves, nurtures, creates family groups, and can even bond with one another.

Antisocial psychopaths are referred to as a sociopath, sometimes a narcissist or a psychopath. The sociopath has what’s called a “reptilian brain”. Think of creatures with a reptilian brain, such as snakes, lizards, and crocodiles.

They lay eggs, do not create a family, and even eat their young both before or after the eggs hatch. – There are a few exceptions here, but this is to give an idea of the fundamental difference that matters: no nurturing, no parenting, no bonding, no pairs, or family group.

Sociopaths Can Only Be Sociopaths

What the sociopath is wired by their brain to do in order to live, to survive, to exist has the effect of destroying others. They know this. It doesn’t faze them. This sounds farfetched unless you’ve been in it.

There’s Really No One Home: Aside From Evil

Sociopaths are without any bonding capability, therefore they’re without genuine concern or care for any human or for any animal though they pretend to have either or both.

They have no moral, ethical, or spiritual concern for others or for the effect on others as fall out and as deliberate effect. imagine if you can: they have no conscience. – They do however make use of our conscience and our emotions and normal bonding impulses to prolong their parasitic stay in any person’s life.

With this primal urge to survive, which we all share, when the brain doesn’t bond or care then what’s left in these simple creatures is spartan. It’s purely and the only motivation to make use of other people, to take whatever they want, and get away with it. – There is nothing else there.

Sociopaths Don’t Feel What We Feel

A narcissist is the same thing as a sociopath, and a sociopath is in reality a psychopath. Sociopaths are all alike. I settled on the term “sociopath” because it’s more palatable than “psychopath” and has much more meaning as to their real nature than “narcissist”.

If you’re thinking of them as a covert, overt or malignant narcissist or borderline, please shift how you think of them through the concept of a sociopath and things will make more sense. – These DSM categories are irrelevant at best to those solving the crimes of a life invasion.

Collectively, these vast wastelands of humanity do not “feel” or experience any of the normal emotions that we do. Not at all, no matter how hard they pretend to. And definitely no matter how much we project our experience of human emotions onto them. – In fact, it’s this assumption that they feel like we do that causes us further harm and pain.

Sociopaths Do Not Feel The Way We Do

All the very normal human emotions we experience aren’t felt by them. We assume these emotions are felt by them. This is from our world. They do not feel any of these feelings in the way we do.

Limbic Brained Normal: Trust, Bonding, and Connection

We, on the other hand, have limbic brains; the brain of a mammal that bonds, cares, and makes connected family groups.

Their reptilian brain is a primal self-survival brain. We walk into what we think is a friendship or relationship with our limbic brain. Essentially, we’re jumping like little puppies expecting things to be good. This then is where the real trauma lives when ensnared by a sociopath. We can heal our traumatized brains.

Sociopaths aka psychopaths and some of the ones you might still be referring to as a narcissist, genuinely do not like others or feel part of a group, they have no love for their parents, no love for their children, no love at all. These parasites can be disarmed before they start.

D.I.Y. Guide to the Inside of the Dark-Dark Noggin

A Sociopath’s or a Pathological Predator’s Behaviors are Identical and Predictable

  • They don’t really tell much about their lives other than highlights of being used or heroic things they’ve done
  • They try to show themselves as humanitarians, fighters for justice, or do-gooders
  • Surprisingly, they are naive
  • They get restless and bored
  • Predators give the impression of being sincere and humble
  • When meeting someone new they want to hear about the other person
  • Agree with us to inspire our trust and feelings of intimacy
  • They create a forced “we”; create an “us and them”
  • Go through periods of hyperactivity contrasted with heavy downtime. There’s a significant reason for this and it’s not because they have PTSD or are bi-polar or other malarkey
  • When threatened personally that their toys will be taken, they experience trauma and lash out

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There’s Still More

  • Say one thing then another
  • Tell tall tales of being used by others
  • Some “play dead” like a kid; talk about death, dying, or suicide
  • Say odd things that are in reality when they’re telling the truth of how they feel
  • Hesitate before responding, looking at us in a paused mode
  • Give inappropriate or disjointed, off the mark response in emotional situations that call for empathy, sympathy, or compassion such as someone’s death, accident, or illness
  • Have hidden sexual activity; hedonistic, BDSM, sex industry, pedophilia, porn
  • Employment is sparse, shortlived, or a long-term professional setting or claim they have their own business; under the surface, all is fraud
  • Though sociopaths – because of the inherent sociopath power of influence – can have a huge scope of influence in politics, law, criminal justice, and religious settings
  • Careless with material possessions yet seem attached to some items to obsession
  • Can be very entertaining and hold sway with a crowd, paradoxically quite hermit-like
  • They can sound and seem like two different people in different situations
  • Have the ability to morph age-wise, genderwise
  • A sociopath can cross over, shift in what they seem to be in terms of where they’re from, their economic status, and more

Sociopaths Have Different Brains Than Normal People

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National Geographic made an informative video about antisocial psychopaths aka sociopaths in our midst.

Antisocial in this context is Latin medical terminology referring to their abnormal brains. it means they behave outside of the expected or the accepted social behaviors and norms. It’s got nothing to do with being uncomfortable or shy socially.

Sociopaths aka psychopaths are within this category, but the full-blown psychopath is more focused on the entertainment they feel at other’s pain than on scamming a place to sleep.  Watch it here.

We might not all experience all of the kinds of horrific things a sociopath can potentially do, say, their darkest thinking may not be seen by all of us, in many cases, they are not shown to all of us. Some of you have the “relationship” crumble and end without a harsh word between you. – This is great you were spared and yet this also becomes a stumbling block to seeing what they are.

Easy-Peasy: Criminal is Their Normal

A sociopath will claim to be a great parent, especially on FB. Steal money or possessions from a spouse, friend, or stranger. Have affairs with married people. Impregnate and abandon. Hide money from a partner. Lie to authorities. “Cheat” while in a “relationship”. For a sociopath aka narcissist, immigration and marriage fraud are as ordinary as it is for them to have us do the laundry and pay their phone bill.

It’s a possibility they have two phones – or more – and keep those hidden. Or pretend one or the other phone is for work because they’re so big and important. If you noticed they don’t genuinely pay their own way financially, even if they work, the work is fraud. They use a different name. Hide where they go, and the things they buy.

Their World Is Nothing Like Ours

What we think we know about the sociopath who hijacked us is usually not nearly the tip of the iceberg. Don’t wait to find out more. Go no contact.

Sociopaths separate groups of people and their “second” family, along with their second or third or fourth alias, alternate versions of their names or completely different identities.

These pathological users will fake illness. Leave for days. Stop talking, or talk so much our eyes cross. They marry only for houses, cars, property, and borrowed respectability. Sociopaths aka narcissists use online social media and dating sites to fish for prey. Primary prey suffers pain and confusion when the sociopath-predator withholds sex. Change phone numbers frequently.

They make bold claims about glorious accomplishments. Promise many things. Place their prey in the position of being liable for their crimes. These are criminals: read more about that in this NY Times story on one of the latest sociopaths put behind bars.

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Let’s Withdraw the Magnanimous, Generous Credit we Give these Beasts

Personal sessions! Recovery for narcissistic abuse Jennifer Smith True Love Scam Recovery

We tend to give the sociopath’s machinations and ability to lie more flattering significance than it’s worth. We imagine their ploys require “intelligence”.

We think what they do requires some kind of genius because they’re doing things we’d never think of doing in a million years or ever dare to do if we could think of it.

In reality, they can do what they do because they don’t care. I don’t mean they decide not to care. Deciding not to care would require the ability to care and then to weigh and discern caring more about one thing than another. They don’t have “care” for others in their lexicon of emotion.

When there’s no concern or consideration for other people, no sense of responsibility, no obligation to society, family, friends, humanity, or any living being other than self allowing one to carry out any action to gain a desire – is this intelligence or genius? Or is it simply a kind of diabolical freedom? When caring is absent, what’s left?

~ Jennifer Smith


Sociopaths Fake Next to Everything

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Sociopaths avoid work. Pass STDs. Demand a partner to stop practicing a religious faith. Ruin others with lies. Lie in court. Lie to immigration. Block wives, and girlfriends from their social media.

Abandon their children. Scam and lie to their children. Obtain fake passports. Use fake IDs. Never have a real address.

Use two or more Facebook accounts with different identities. Control and abuse children just as they do adults. Claim fame that doesn’t exist.

Use someone else’s social security number. Fake their educations. Cheat through school. Leave others holding the bag for their debts.

What Sociopaths Don’t Want Us to Know About Them

Sociopaths don’t like us to know their vulnerabilities and darker secret behaviors. and Their genderless sexuality and promiscuous nature. In reality, for these omnisexual, asexual creatures, anyone will do as a sexual “partner” since there is no love or emotional connection.

There is a concerted effort to hide their alcohol use, porn, prostitution, and gambling or drug use. It’s important for the pathological predator to hide their deep fear of being discovered as what they are because the fear is connected to what it is we’ll do when we see what they are. They huge fear of losing their prey, though they know every false connection will eventually end from the moment they’ve said “hello”. namazon

Violence, Secrets, and Things We Can’t Imagine

They try to keep their violent behavior under wraps – at least in the beginning. Their bar fights might become stories you hear about how someone attacked them. They’ll do their best to hide their stealing and criminal records. Sociopaths separate their “second” and “third” families and any social groups associated with each as best they can. They hide their assorted aliases, identities, and alternate versions of their names.

These pathological users can act in ways we’d never imagine. Making use of others is their “normal”. This can be hard to see even when we feel they’re lying, not completely honest, and we feel suspicious of them.

Things we might be missing are that they act out in impulsive violence. and have uncontrollable rage. They defraud governments and agencies. Embezzle funds or property. Blackmail. Commit forgery. Sell drugs. Pimp. And, really and truly couldn’t care less.

Sociopaths try to cover up that they know what they’re doing. These creatures know that by being what they are, others are hurt.

Sociopaths, Even if you Call them Narcissists, Narcopaths or Narcs, Need Others to Believe Them

Here’s the best part: they need us. And they know they do. Their success is dependent upon us not knowing any of this. And they don’t have a chance of using others or surviving unless we believe them and believe they’re at least within some range of normal. Maybe normal but troubled.

Recognize them for what they are. Put aside our emotional investment and connection. Shut down the sociopath’s ability to use and abuse. Exit stage left or get them gone. Go no contact, trust our gut! We are our own angels! We are Super Heroes!

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

The Podcast! Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.
.

True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. All Rights Reserved In Perpetuity 2014 ©

2015_09_20               2026_04_-04

Marriage Fraud: The Green Card Scam

Marriage fraud is many a liar’s dream.
Access to the USA
gives them a new place to hide.
Protect yourself legally from their hijinks.
Break free and clear safely.

passport2

Marriage fraud. Marrying someone for a green card and lying through their teeth to do it and obtain “legal adjusted status” is a shockingly common act for these parasitic predators. Conning someone into marriage for a green card is no big deal to a life-stealing predator like a sociopath.

Sociopaths (narcissists) have no problem lying, they do it all day long. Telling lies that cross into committing criminal acts to gain what they’re after is a-okay with them. Lies are normal and boundaries don’t exist to them.

The cross-over between truth and lies is blurred into nonexistence. Yet, be fully aware that they do know that they’re lying. The reality is that the sociopath’s (narcissist’s) entire life is a made-up fabrication with extremely small fumes of truth in whatever they’ve told you about themselves. So, marriage fraud for a green card scam is an incredibly common sociopath-con. 

Get the answers you need.

Marriage Fraud is a Piece of Cake for a Sociopath

The information and experience reflected in this article are based on the marriage fraud I was mired in during 2012 and 2013 in the U.S.A. I married this idiot believing him and who he told me he was as he smiled, grinned, laughed, and danced. This though wasn’t in the haze of mutual happiness as I thought at the time. Later, I realized his dances and grins -smirks more like- were evidence of his delight and pride at getting what he was after, plus more than he expected, and icing on every sociopath’s cake: largely without having to ask for it.

Since this is reflective of the USCIS process in 2012/2013, the monetary amounts mentioned for the applications and paperwork along with processing and time lines has very likely changed. And now, as everyone knows the U.S.A. is in chaos on matters of immigration so, there could be fewer sociopathic parasites trying to get in…

On the other hand, their pathological brain has them convinced they can get away with anything and will never be caught. And: scammers also seek access to other popular countries, Europe, England, Canada, and just about anywhere but the place they need to flee from.

What is precisely the same will be the signs, symptoms, and the behaviors of the dirt bag scamming any one of us. Because they are all alike. I hope my experience will convey useful insight and give hope to anyone being scammed within any country for access to any country.

January 2026 update: Yes, the U.S.A. is in chaos, in particular in relation to matters of immigrants and I.C.E. Please know that I.C.E. stands for Immigration and Customs Enforcement. “Enforcement” has shattered humane boundaries lately; the point here, though, is that I.C.E. has nothing to do with the governmental department that processes green card applications. Zippo. They are two separate entities. Originally, the U.S.A. had one department that handled both immigration processing (people coming into the U.S.A. and repatriations (what some call “deportation”). The structure and functions changed a decade or more ago. And as of 2026 U.S.C.I.S. implemeted what they call “stricter vetting” of applicants. I know when I did it, it was said to be “really hard” but for me it was a piece of cake. Stressful, but shockingly easy to get someone from another country (in my case an African person with a Dutch passport) access to the U.S.A. – The process to achieve “adjusted status” (get a green card) may differ widely or not at all from 2012/2013.

U.S.C.I.S. Sides with You, The U.S. Citizen

In my experience in 2012, I observed that green cards are handed out to married couples fairly easily. The application process with USCIS seems intimidating when you’re going through it, but getting the green card isn’t as difficult as urban myth leads us to believe.

At the time I applied to sponsor this lunatic that I’d married, USCIS as an organization and within their interview processes held the position that American citizen deserves to have their spouse living alongside them in the United States. They support our claims of love and happiness. They want our application to work out. Therefore, getting a green card can be quite simple.

Though we’ve all heard stories of the couple who fought for years to be together in North America. What we don’t hear about are the hundreds of thousands of couples who get a green card in three to four months with no trouble at all.

Conditional Adjusted Status: The Two-Year Green Card

You might need or want to check with an immigration attorney. You might have realized that it’s rare to find an immigration lawyer who is addressing the needs of the U.S. citizen rather than the immigrant. There is one that has been referred to me years after my case. They’re in Texas but work with U.S. citizens anywhere. www.codiaslaw-com

That first “green card” is technically called being given, conditional adjusted status. This allows the qualifying immigrant to live and work in the USA for two years. In order to stay legally in the U.S. beyond that two-year period, another application process is required and is filed six months before the first green card expires.

As a legally married couple within the U.S., the citizen and the immigrant spouse start the two-year conditional adjusted status process by filing USCIS form I-458. If the immigrant fiance is outside of the U.S. and you’re not yet legally married, there’s a different process.

Marriage Fraud is Not Uncommon: USCIS Knows How to Spot It

USCIS officials know that marriage fraud happens. There are specific things that signal that one of the parties didn’t marry the other “in good faith”. They are things like an age difference, marrying quickly, and other rather obvious ideas. Follow this link for a list of several of the red flags that USCIS employees and officials look out for. – And yes, those window clerks are on the alert as well as the interviewers.

USCIS Interview Questions

The USCIS interview is basic and pretty much what one would think. In times past they’d show up at your shared home to see that you did indeed live together. This hasn’t been the case for ages. Now you go together to the immigration office and sit in a room with a stoic officer of USCIS.

The couple is asked things like what are each other’s favorite foods, where they went to college, their favorite pet’s name, how they met, and what they wear to bed. Seemingly random questions that reveal the involvement and indicate a personal life together. – They aren’t only listening to the answers. They read the room, as they say. You are being scrutinized.

If USCIS suspects fraud they alter the interview. They’ll get into more specific and probing questions. They might take each spouse into separate rooms to question.

ICE Has an Online PDF About Marriage Fraud

In 2015 it stated: Marriage fraud is: Neither victimless nor limited in scope, the crime of marriage fraud is anything but a trivial matter. Types of marriage fraud include: A foreign national defrauds a U.S. citizen who believes the marriage is legitimate.

Further consequences: US citizens who enter into fraudulent marriages assume great personal liability. The foreign spouse may gain access to sensitive, personal information including, but not limited to bank accounts, safe deposit boxes, retirement and investment accounts, personal identity information, and family heirlooms.

This is a link to ICE fraud information, January 2026.

Take back your life.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Ten Years Permission to Live in the USA

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Before the two-year green card expires another application, form I75-1, and more fees must be filed by our scamming spouse in order to remove conditions from their green card so that they can stay for ten more years and during that time take citizenship.

That’s the big enchilada the con man immigrant is shooting for.

This application cost was $700 in 2012. The is paperwork that the immigrant files on their own. A part of the application process is proving that they married you – the US citizen – in good faith. In some cases even after a divorce from the US spouse, the conditions on their status may be removed and the application approved for their ten-year green card.

Immigration Directors and Officials

USCIS and ICE see tons and tons of marriage fraud and green card scams. Even with this experience, officials aren’t immune to a sociopath’s charms. Additionally, the effect of the sociopath is so all-encompassing that the U.S. spouse under the sociopath effect will defend the sociopath right through the red tape and scrutiny of USCIS, all the while believing their spouse and in their love.

Green card scammers attempting to gain entry into the U.S. are committing a crime. As a target of their fraud, you’re not accountable for the scammer’s crime. – We are responsible for letting USCIS know about the immigration fraud as soon as we realize what has happened.

A Green Card Represents a Golden Ticket

Marriage fraud and green card scams are carried out in choice-target countries. One destination very high on the list is the UK though with Brexit, that may change since access to all of Europe will no longer be included. Here’s support for marriage scammers in the UK. Holland is another country of choice, as is Canada.

The bottom line is a green card scammer wants a passport to a country that takes them to a richer, riper, more free country. Or out of the country where people are after them.

Once Married, They Just Might Own Your Stuff

In several states, once we’re married, what’s theirs is ours and what is ours is theirs by law. When married to a scammer, this is a horrifying reality to see. There’s deep sorrow, grief, and loss as a target of marriage fraud.

Once we realize it was a scam rather than a romance we’re better off knowing their real intention, but it’s a hard experience. The way you end the marriage in a legal sense is important. You’ll want to legally end the marriage choosing between a divorce or an annulment.

Report the Scamming Sociopath to USCIS

USCIS is aware that a U.S. citizen can be conned. But when they call things suspicious: You’re both under suspicion. Therefore… cover your bases. I’ve known of the couple being rejected with a letter that implies they’re both in on it when it was anything but the situation.

In my case, USCIS tried to stall the process. They’d given us an interview that is used when they suspect fraud. He did get his green card, and then I’d seen enough as well and I kicked him out just a few months later.

Report, Report, Report

Report to USCIS immediately if you discover that the love isn’t real. Even though it’s your word against anyone else’s be sure to report. Without fail, report the scam to USCIS. – USCIS knows this happens, it’s okay to report you’ve been scammed and it’s for your safety to do so. The lying scumbag will never know that you reported them, that is to say, USCIS doesn’t tell them.

Make your report by writing a letter to the officer who interviewed you and to the director of the immigration center where the interview took place. In your report give them complete information.

You might need or want to check with an immigration attorney. You might have already realized that it’s rare to find an immigration lawyer who is addressing the needs of the U.S. citizen rather than the immigrant. There is one that has been referred to me years after my case. They are in Texas but work with U.S. citizens anywhere.

Changes in Circumstances Must Be Reported

For example, the green card holder is meant to report any address change, they will not do this when they leave your place. You can include this information. Even if you don’t know where they went, be sure to give the date that they left your home.

If things are missing, let them know what was stolen. Be as detailed as you can be in dollar amounts, property, jewelry, and the debt you’ve been left with. You can also report to their country, the one they hold a passport for, the one on their birth certificate. Consider reports to the FBI, CIA, Interpol, the IRS, and tax boards in other countries.

Speak From the Heat: Be Straightforward and Clear

  • State that you were in love when you got married
  • Be open in that this person did not marry you “in good faith” 
  • If they moved out, tell them so and give the date that they left
  • Give any address or contact information we have on our runaway scammer
  • Let them know you no longer agree that this person should have access to or that conditional adjusted status in the United States
  • Tell them anything you feel is pertinent such as indirect and direct evidence of their criminal behavior, fraud, other marriages, children; or anything you’ve discovered.

Their Fraud is Not Our Crime: We Owe the Immigrant Nothing

Contrary to what we’re made to think and to what a sociopathic green card scammer will tell you: you will not be held accountable for them. You’re not going to be in trouble. You don’t have to pay their rent and feed them. You owe them nothing. You’re not responsible for their crime.

Information to Report to USCIS on the Scamming Sociopath

Even if you don’t have all of this, give them what you have. If you can make or have copies of their driver’s license or IDs and information, give those as well (and keep copies for yourself).

  • The con man or woman’s full name
  • Give their “A” Number, the number assigned to them by USCIS
  • Copies of or numbers from any birth certificate, passports from any country, driver’s licenses from any country or state
  • Social Security numbers or other state or country IDs
  • Their car’s license plate number and State
  • VIN number of their a car and the car make and model
  • A recent full-face photo, and a full-body photo
  • Bank account numbers and the bank name or routing number
  • All addresses you’re aware they use or have used
  • And all versions of their name
  • List the telephone numbers you’ve known them to have (or use)
  • Give their Facebook page link, Twitter handle, Insta, or anything you know about
  • List other social media or websites they have
  • Report the names and contact information of friends/girlfriends/boyfriends, finances, or other wives or children

Turn In Every Bit of Documentation You’ve Got

Basically, you’re going to report absolutely everything you’ve got that could possibly lead them to him or her. – If you don’t have much don’t worry, give them what you do have.

Let USCIS know the date that he or she moved out. Be straightforward in declaring that you feel they did not marry you in good faith. Report the filing date and the status of your impending divorce or annulment. Give them the contact information of the attorney handling your divorce or annulment process. Here’s a link to USCIS: www.uscis.gov.

You want to be sure to make your feelings and position clear. There’s nothing more you need to do. You will not be punished. You will not be arrested or be held responsible for the fleeing a conman spouse.

Report For Your Own Well Being

Please know that you’re making these reports out of a sense of what you feel is right and for your own protection. Decide what’s right for you. Keep in mind though that these people – these patholgoical predators – could have been up to things we have no idea about while we were married to them.

Separating ourselves and legally extricating ourselves from culpability, implicit guilt or any legal responsibility to whatever that might be is essential. While USCIS can’t arrest them for theft or for defrauding us, the information you report, and the statement you make leave you free and clear. The attempted fraud and other relevant information are attached to their permanent file following them everywhere they go in the world.

Green Card Fraud is a Crime

Scamming USCIS is no small crime. The more information we give, the clearer we can be, with copies of previous annulments, divorces, or attempts at adjusting immigration status before their green card scam using us, the better.

If they try to get another U.S. green card, or if any country’s authorities have any future reason to look into them and the history will be there. The day will come when our international true love scammers will be criminally caught out.

Loss and More Loss: Recovery Is Resolving Every Loss

Our deepest loss will be our trust in – well – a lot of things for a while. We lose our hearts, a piece of our soul. And things. Things that mattered to us. And we recover. We are renewed.

After making the report – that’s it. USCIS will not tell us if they investigate, apprehend or arrest or deport the marriage-frauding, green-card-scamming fiend. They can’t by law. The good part is this: We know we followed through. We took the steps to protect ourselves.

And hopefully, your reports will weigh down the movements of the monster with facts and a paper trail of their malevolent, diabolical acts. Hopefully, you’ve taken some of the flexibility and range out of their criminal life-stealing, soul-raping madness. And best of all you can recover fully. Each of us extracting ourselves from these creatures is truly a superhero and our own angels.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Please feel free to reach out,
ask a question or comment in the form below.
I always respond.

Time to Thrive!

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Feel free to reach out!
Ask a question, share your story,
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Thank you!

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. Founded 2014 © All Rights Reserved.

2015_08_30 2026_01_23

PTSD is a Thing After a “Narcissist”

PTSD is most definitely a thing.
After narcissistic abuse, we ride through post trauma.
Our friends don’t understand.
Maybe we don’t understand.
Rest assured, we’re not really broken.

PTSD stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD isn’t permanent. It might surprise some of us that the range of swinging emotions, and thoughts we’re going through is PTSD.

ptsd cptsd recover heal

It may surprise our family or friends to realize that the pain, the terror, all the weeping is post-traumatic stress. We’re swinging through a jungle of cognitive dissonance, shock, and more shock.

We’re hard at work grabbing at answers, trying to make sense of what happened, though, for all they can see, we’ve given up to this loser as we sit slumped in a corner in tears or staring into space. We’re thinking and feeling so much we feel like we could die. Many of us feel broken. Rest assured, you are not.

What Is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

PTSD is a thing after a sociopath or after what sooooo many people call a “narcissist” or a narcissistic abuser. What we’re feeling in the end after these creatures is normal. It wouldn’t be normal to not feel this way. It’s the residual and the aftermath of being spellbound under coercive control. It’s unavoidable, and it is not permanent. There is hope, and healing.

We Can Heal. We Win.

Everything We Feel Is Normal: We Are Not Broken Forever

The awareness of feeling broken came as a quiet whisper. I remember after he was gone, early in restoring my life, one day, I looked up from washing my hands and into my bathroom mirror. On gazing at my own face, now so changed, the word “broken” floated into my mind. Broken. I’m broken, is what I said in my head. I’d never been broken before. Never knew that this was a way that people could feel. But there it was.

When you consider it, this was a raid, a home invasion, a breaking-and-entering through our hearts. This wasn’t a relationship, it was a crime. Please, keep in mind: No one robs an empty house. We are awesome.

We feel broken… This is distinctly different from thinking we are broken. Feeling broken is unfortunately a normal sensation after coercive control… perhaps during it because any time spent under the spell of a sociopath is traumatic. So, after they leave, we go through feelings that are more than uncomfortable. These feelings and thoughts are our body attempting to heal, feeling broken is not the new us.

These intense and so often conflicting thoughts, emotions, and despair are the beginning of healing – the key is to find the way to use these for healing rather than be seen as a pile of disorders. This is not the end of our life as it used to be before we met them.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear and pain and to breaking away.

True crime. Told in their own words with nothing unsaid. Find validation, and see new glimpses of truth as these five women share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

The Podcast!

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

We’re Really Okay: PTSD is Not Permanent

People around us are saying things like move on or get over it. And oh my gosh, we really wish we could! None of us are trying to be a mess. Not a single one of us wants to feel this hell! But somehow, we can’t sleep, we lose weight and feel like we’ll never trust again, we’re terrified and have health issues to boot.

Unexpected things go on with our health, things we might not realize are happening, such as high blood pressure. Some of us develop migraines, fall into nightmares, and grab onto coping habits we’d rather not keep… like wine and prescriptions maybe. And nobody wants weight gain, but it’s there, after the rapid “effortless” weight loss.

Post Trauma is Normal and the Way to Recovery

Post-trauma is normal. What you’re feeling is the normal human reaction to this particular trauma. It’s the bodies and minds and hearts response to the sustained influence and entrapment by person of antisocial personality disorder.

The idea that we played “a part” in the suffering we endured is erroneous. These are crimes, not relationships. We owe it to ourselves to give this idea some thought before swallowing it whole.

We couldn’t be expected to have any other response. In fact, this response is where healing begins. It’s a cluster of simultaneous feelings and physical reactions and responses from the body, mind and heart. If you think of it in the way that the flu is a cluster of symptoms you can see this isn’t the new “us”, but a passing situation. We’re still there.

The determination to pull our real self back through this fog, and the time and insight into how to tame these post trauma reactions and emotions, to understand them, to manage them and heal them are all we need. For whatever reason, I did this instinctively and now I help others do it.

PTSD is the Beginning of Healing  From Trauma

We’ll feel some or all of the following things in PTSD after this ride in hell: profound fear, self-doubt, lowered trust, suspect people and situations, weepiness, physical weakness, apathy, confusion, indecision, depression.

Also an inability to concentrate on daily things like laundry or food, our minds will be flooded with replays of conversations and things that went on. This is all normal. The replays wind down, the confusion abates, the indecision clears as we get real answers. – If the answers you’re finding aren’t helping; keep looking

PTSD is a Cluster, a Package of Feelings, Signs and Symptoms

The aftermath of trauma affects our body and mind. Post-trauma can include fear of going out of our home. The terrorizing recall of scenarios with them. Confusion, indecision, and doubt, even doubting our doubt.

There can be an emphatic impulse to leave, to move, to change jobs, or make a drastic change. We might miss them so much or feel like we could die. We feel broken. – As heavy and numb and broken as you feel, none of this is permanent.

Physically there are signs and symptoms of trauma, such as a loss of appetite and extreme sudden weight loss. Hypertension. Serious illnesses or chronic conditions can develop including STIs. The inability to “move”; physically to become heavy and dull, numb.

Sleep patterns are all over the place in varied forms of insomnia. We might sleep in the day and can’t sleep at night, some of us wake in the early morning and can’t fall back to sleep. Maybe you can’t sleep at all or sleep all the time. You might be having nightmares.

There’s nothing about us that makes this happen.

Trauma is… “Anything less than nurturing. An event or experience that changes your vision of yourself and your place in the world.”

Judy Crane

We Decide to Recover: We Chose How Fully We Recover

The thing is, any time spent with a “narcissist”, the pathological parasitic predatory con man – a sociopath – is traumatic. We can’t help but experience prolonged trauma. Then we go through post-trauma – the natural next phase after a trauma. This is unavoidable. We decide what’s next. Post-trauma isn’t the new us.

It’s up to us, to gather our courage, and to step around the answers that leave us without real answers. We decide to take on the task of learning how to manage the post-trauma. It’s our own decision to come out whole, healed, and with every answer to what happened. We decide what winning is for our life in the aftermath, and post-trauma. You can do it. And, the good news is, the answers are here.

Post Trauma Feelings Can Become False Thoughts, and Beliefs

The emotional soup in the midst of the post-trauma takes many of us to a conclusion or belief about what happened and about ourselves. Many of us conclude it was our fault. This is not so.

There are atmospheric rivers of false beliefs in post trauma, and indeed throughout the suspended traumatic “event” of being “with” them. Things like “I’ll never be the same”, “I can’t trust anyone ever again”, and “I”m codependent” are examples of such false beliefs inspired by post trauma combined with a mistaken understanding of what happened.

Though we aren’t sure exactly what just happened for most of us, our natural first thoughts are related to taking responsibility for what happened. When you consider it, this was a raid, a home invasion, a breaking-and-entering through our hearts. This wasn’t a relationship, it was a crime. Please, keep in mind: No one robs an empty house. We are awesome. – Let me show you how to redirect those “hellish mirage” emotions inspired by the trauma and resolve the loss and grief.

The Memories we Replay are Where Recovery is Found

No matter how much we want to “move on”, we’re hounded daily, well, hourly by memories of this creep that just won’t stop. We can’t stop thinking of the things they did, replays circle in our minds and end with the same confusion and questions and circle around again. We’re so worn out thinking about this loser, yet we can’t not think about this loser. – Guess what, gorgeous-one? This is normal.

Not only is this constant replay normal, the memories, these replays are our ticket out of this hell. Really. The thing is replaying them endlessly is exhausting, the key is in learning to translate the memories, one by one into the reality they represent. Translating them to truth is the key element to restoring your life.

I guide people to unwind and find the truth, and all the answers…because we need answers to what the heck happened and these memories are the gateway. Once we translate one memory it stops. Then the next one, then the next until there are no more. And with each resolved memory we recover further and further, taking back our lives in this way. Email me and ask me about guided recovery sessions; it’s like nothing else out there: jennifer@truelovescam.com

Healing Takes Time and Unsettling Discoveries

Recovering our lives, taking back our selves is for the courageous. Once we begin to shift from some of the conflicting and misconstrued ideas behind the word “narcissist” and take the leap to sociopath… there is more. Taking on the word “sociopath” is only the beginning. That’s when recovery can begin.

After the trauma of this whole event, which we could think of as a hijacking, our emotions and thoughts are all over the place. We’re spinning and floating and feeling almost out of body because the trauma deregulates our nervous system. If we’re willing, we can take in effective methods of re-regulating our nervous system and other specific insights, and fully recover.

Post trauma is an emotional soup and confusion. It isn’t who we are, but how we feel. It’s the body’s natural next step after a traumatic event and is the beginning of into healing.

Healing Comes in Stages: Time is On Our Side

As annoying and frustrating as it is, this takes time. Lots of time. recovering is going to take more time than you want it to.

What you’re experiencing is the only way a person can feel after a collision and entanglement with  a conman, a sociopath. We’ve experienced a profound clash with our emotional and normal way of life. That’s traumatic and is what they call cognitive dissonance.

Patience and self-love are necessary. Spending time only with those who truly love us and don’t judge us is a part of the cure. Establishing and keeping no contact with the con artist who hijacked our lives is essential. There is without a doubt hope after a sociopath or a “narcissist”.

It Really Isn’t Us: It Really Is Them

Many definitions out there regarding this phenomenon will try to tell us it happened because we’re codependent or that we need to look at our “part in it”. The idea that we played “a part” in the suffering we endured is erroneous. We owe it to ourselves to give this idea and others such as “this happened because we’re codependent” some thought before swallowing them whole.

When you consider it, this was a raid, a home invasion, a breaking and entering through our hearts. In this situation the predator knows what’s happening we as prey do not.

We’ve been defrauded, deceived by a pathological parasitic predator. This wasn’t a relationship. It was the dynamic of predator and prey. These are crimes. While we carry on as wonderful loving people believing and behaving as if we’re in a relationship we’re robbed blind. Please, keep in mind: No one robs an empty house. You are awesome.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Please feel free to reach out,
ask a question or comment in the form below.
I always respond.

Time to Thrive!

The Podcast! Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Ranked
Feedspot’s #1 Podcast on Coercive Control!

The latest episode: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium and Substack

SD Voyager interview

Feel free to reach out!
Ask a question, share your story,
let me know how I can help!

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

Thank you!

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. Founded 2014 © All Rights Reserved In Perpetuity.

2015_08_22 > 2020_09_22 2026_07_21

Hope After a Sociopath or a Narcissist

Hope is inherent in life itself.
Yes. This they cannot steal.

The horror show of entanglement and entrapment in coercive control by a sociopath or what some call a narcissist is beyond words. Only those who’ve been in it and have come out the other side can begin to understand it.

The thing we need to come out and fully recover is hope. What is hope? It’s the saving grace, the inherent love we feel for life itself. It’s there inside us. We find a way to latch on and keep holding and pull ourselves up from hell.

“Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. Its definitions include: expect with confidence and to cherish a desire with anticipation. Among its opposites are dejection, hopelessness and despair.” ~ Wikipedia

What is recovery for you?

Entangled by A Narcissistic Sociopath 

What we go through as the target of narcissistic abuse as the prey of a sociopath is indescribable to those who haven’t been through it.

This hijacking, life invasion trauma leaves singular effects. We’re terrorized, left with emotional devastation, loads of sorrow, and unanswered questions. We are the ones pulling children back together from exposure to the tactics of monsters who only pretended to love them and often directly abused them.

We mourn their innocence and the betrayal of our own hearts; sorrow lays heavy in our bones. Where is the hope after a sociopath or a narcissist? How do we pull ourselves from the quicksand of coercive control?

Hope Within the Darker Moments

Where do we find hope in the middle of despair? Depression and despair seem constant companions. We wake with them, sleep with them. How is there hope after a sociopath or a narcissist?

Post-traumatic stress keeps us in fight or flight. New challenges facing court and restraining orders and child custody battles keep us in ongoing shock. How, how, how is there hope after a sociopath or a narcissist?!

Hope After a Narcissistic Sociopath

Hope after a sociopath or a narcissist is harder to envision when he or she may have turned our own family against us. They may not understand what we’re going through. They may be mesmerized by him/her. Our friends may have become his friends as they are influenced by the games of the socialized psychopath. We may feel entirely alone.

“No matter how hopeless or bleak things appear, the moment always comes when suddenly our spirit revives, and hope is reborn. That is why we must never give up.” ~ Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

Answers right here.

Five Tips to Finding Hope After a Sociopath: Some People Call Them Narcissists

  • Turn self-blame to the place it belongs: On them, the user.
  • Accept they were not real, that they will not change.
  • Mark the one boundary that matters: Go zero contact.
  • Find your reason for being.
  • Move forward and fly.

We were recognizing and turning away from self-blame. There’s nothing we could have done differently. It was not our fault. We were targeted for our kindness, loyalty, warmth, magnanimity, faithful nature, respectability, and loving hearts. Loving is not a crime. Defrauding is. We were hijacked and robbed.

Understand What a Sociopath Is Or Risk Falling Again

Accept they were not who or what we thought; they will not change. They are wired differently. change. A sociopath does not have the capacity to love or care for anyone. On the other hand, a narcissist may love in their way, but their way causes great damage.

For our own well-being, we want to sweep away confusion. We want things clear; in simple terms for our discovery and recovery for these experiences narcissist and a sociopath represent two different things. We’re not diagnosing. We’re looking at it for what goes on.

They will not change. With them, there’s no fair discussion, no apology, no remorse. This was not a relationship. There is no healthy resolution other than creating our own life without them – beyond them.

Post Trauma Stress is There After a Narcissistic Sociopath

We are left in post-traumatic stress which includes a state of hopelessness. But within that dark realm there is a light to reach toward. Here’s an easy test for PTSD; take it now and later, or periodically, maybe at three-month intervals.

It’s encouraging to move from scoring in the highest segment of indicators for PTSD after a sociopath to living entirely free of PTSD. We do finally land in the category of those who know, those who have won, those who are free and healthy but can help others because of our journey. We’re on this earth to help others. This is love. This is joy.

Mark Our Territory: Stand Up For Our Lives

No contact is essential. No joking around. We make zero contact happen – they do not. Establishing no contact is of primary importance. It’s simple — if there is no contact, there’s no way for them to grab our emotions and use them to get things they want or bring us pain; no more defrauding.

If there’s no contact there’s no control, except our own. We’re in charge. As each day and each week and each month passes we see the episode with clearer eyes.

We see the monster behind the mask. This sets us free, and in some moments, makes us feel discouraged. For this reason, we must stop self-blame. There’s nothing we could have done differently. We were chosen because we are awesome. Stay awesome.

Find our reason for being. A golden rope to pull us up and out. Keep pulling no matter what. Love scam recovery comes in stages. Use patience, self-love, and kindness with ourselves.

You’re not broken.

Hope After a Narcissist Especially When They’re Really a Sociopath

Move forward and fly. Each day, every hour. Sometimes minute by minute. We don’t need to have the solution, and the fix, and the answer and have it all resolved at once. Take each bit— bit by bit. We don’t need all the answers today. Only one.

We’ll feel the moment when suddenly our spirit revives, and hope is reborn. Look for it. Find it. Expect – demand – positive outcomes, expect with confidence and cherish a desire with anticipation. The desire to be free. To laugh again, and see the future as a bright open space — a place we welcome.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to Thrive!

The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

SD Voyager interview

True Love Scam Recovery on Medium

True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook

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Subscribe True Love Scam Recovery Jennifer Smith

As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam Recovery, Narcissistic Abuse Unwound, Jennifer Smith, truelovescam.com, and narcissisticabuseunwound.com, and its agents are not professionally licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. All social media, presentations, publications, podcasts, public speaking, audio appearances, writings, and coaching are carried out under the pseudonym “Jennifer Smith”. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery et al Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you. Founded 2014 © All Rights Reserved In Perpetuity.

2015_08_05 2026_07_21