Emotional Abuse and Sociopaths

Emotional Abuse and Sociopaths Go Together Like PB&J

Insults, put downs, “jokes”, name calling, silent treatment.
All this is a sociopath’s “normal.”
Game. Over.

Emotional Abuse & Sociopaths

Emotional abuse and sociopaths are one. The entire “relationship” with any sociopath is “abuse” in the sense that it’s fraud, a scam, a charade. It’s a ruse to steal our possessions and our goodness. Nothing is genuine. As a sociopath goes about his day in the world, even the barista or car wash attendant aren’t seeing a real person. The sociopath is constantly putting on a presentation.

This mind bending betrayal-abuse can be profoundly damaging. We’re not in a real relationship, but we think we are. Then add actual emotional, verbal and physical abuse into the mix. In our view – in our hearts and minds – we’re  being abused by someone we love who loves us, yet in truth the foundation is not at all real or true. It is not a relationship.

This is no ordinary difficult relationship.

We’ve been kidnapped without realizing it and then used and abused. This creates a particular trauma. We naturally try to make sense of it, creating cognitive dissonance, feeling conflicted about what he says and does in contrast with what we believe our relationship is and what relationships mean to us.

We have more cognitive dissonance and trauma during after the entanglement. It’s essential we reframe the nightmare from his or her point of view in order to fully recover. While we’re in love, he or she has no boundaries sexually or any internal switch to monitor or limit how far they will go to take and abuse. There is no conscience at work. No feelings.

During their initial assessment of us a sociopath detects how empathetic we are with their “empathy test” sob-story about being abused or betrayed themselves (lies.) In much the same way, some sociopaths test what will tear us apart and bend us to their will most effectively.

If they discover physical violence is a “deal-breaker” – meaning they’ll lose their comfy bed and board – they may hold back on that. Not all sociopaths use physical violence as their m.o. – some are incredibly violent almost immediately if that’s “just their thing.”

We must be kept under control, locked into their spell. Rage and violent behavior are pretty standard – especially if he or she thinks they’re losing their grip and all those things they want. Sociopaths hate to lose.

Female sociopaths sometimes entice their targets into violence,
or even fake it – so they can pose as the abused little-woman.

Sociopath’s Minds Collide with Ours – This Means Emotional Pain for Us

We suffer. The sociopath does not. This is their normal.

It’s a kind of “hypnosis” in a cloud of confusion. As the pretty wears off and the crazy begins we’re twirling on a merry-go-round emotionally. The sociopath wants to convince us we did something to make it happen. We want to make it better. Because already we feel  we can’t survive without them. We’re bonded. The gradual fade in of more pain and confusion cements us to them. This is normal!

Emotional abuse and sociopaths are inseparable. We start to feel crazy.

Being in love with a sociopath isn’t a casual connection. We’re deeply all-the-way in. We want the fairy tale to stay perfect. We hang on tenaciously even as we feel it shifting under our feet. We’re worried about connecting on a deeper level, maybe going to counseling together. We’re concerned about maintaining a home, paying bills, breaking up a family or fearing for our own future. The tricks they use to control us are subtle and hard to grab a hold of; they trap us in ordinary conversation.

As decent, normal human beings when someone talks we feel we’re meant to listen. When someone asks a question we’re socially, culturally and innately programmed to give an answer.

In this case – we know the answer needs to please them. And we’re afraid.

And – girls and guys – let’s just say it —  we’re really, really worried, down in a deep little part of our mind that if things end so soon, so suddenly – our sister or dad or friend is gonna say: I knew something was wrong with that guy!

And – also ripping us in shreds – is fear of the his judgment of us. All very, very normal when entranced in the bindings of a sociopath. The emotional abuse by a sociopath is used as a tactic to keep us bound to them. They can become enraged and violent if they don’t get their way. There’s no excuse for any abuse. There’s not one bit of it that’s okay or justified.

Never diminish the complete wrongness of any abuse. – Sociopaths are naturals at it. They’re vindictive too – another reason we go no contact.

For more on abuse Check with Dr. Phil

Or check this out, PsychCentral, Signs of Emotional Abuse

And, PsychopathFree, Trusting After Emotional Abuse

And to see what REAL True Love really truly is
read this blog by a girl – now a woman – who grew up next door to me.
Grab the Kleenex first. In a good way.

Examples of Emotional Abuse and Sociopaths

Emotional Abuse –

Humiliating us.
Laughing at us.
Putting us down.
Calling us names.
Making us feel guilty.
Diminishing our feelings.
Making us think we’re crazy.
The silent treatment – ignoring us.
Taking things, plans or privileges away.
Treating us very well (only) in front of other people.
Accusing and blaming us for things going wrong or failing.
Comparing us to their last girlfriend or wife – who did things better.

Intimidation –

Making us afraid by using looks or gestures.
Slamming doors, breaking things, throwing things.
Yelling, scolding, ordering or driving us to do or not do something.
Talking about killing and violence. Displaying weapons or physical force in any way.

Isolation –

Telling us who our friends can be.
Trying to keep us from family members.
Creating an “us” and “them” existence.
Acting jealous of our time, people we see.
Using his jealousy to justify control of us.
Manipulating where we go, when we must be home.
Rules about or insinuating when we should or shouldn’t go out.
Controlling anything: what we read, watch, social media, phone time.
Avoiding meeting or seeing our family. Keeping us from their family.
Having friends they won’t let us meet – places they won’t let us go with them.
Having a friend who is held up as having authority of opinion about our relationship.

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming –

Belittling our ideas, feelings, opinions.
Denying that things important to us, matter.
Setting us up to think everything is our fault.
(Faking) illness to keep from talking about our concerns.
Insulting how we take care of the home, kids or spend our time.
Telling us it’s our fault they’re mean, or that things are going wrong.
Using intimidation or belittling to keep us quiet about what concerns us.

Coercion & Threats –

Threatening to commit suicide.
Threats to report us to authorities.
Making us drop charges against them.
Sociopaths pretend illness to control us.
Making or carrying out threats to harm, hurt or leave us.
Telling us we get something only if we do something specific.
Coercing us or charming us to do illegal or reprehensible things.

Economic Abuse –

Taking our money.
Making us ask for money.
Putting us on an allowance.
Money and it’s source are a mystery.
Borrowing money and not paying it back.
Keeping credit cards or accounts secretly.
Keeping income or access to family income from us.
Using outbursts of rage to keep us from talking about money.

Male Privilege –

Treating us like a servant. – Even in jest.
Behaving like the King or Master of the castle.
Making big decisions, family decisions without us.
Using beliefs about how women should behave to control us.
Defining men’s and women’s roles or husband and wife roles as he demands.

Sexual Abuse & Emotional Manipulation –

Bargaining with sex.
Forcing us to be sexual with them.
Belittling us for wanting sexual intimacy.
Refusing us physical intimacy under any pretext.
Having affairs. Having wives. Having kids. All secret. Or mostly secret.

Our Entire Life with a Sociopath is Emotional Abuse – So is Everyone Else’s

They are always lying.
They are always scheming.
Every moment of their life is a lie.
Everyone they know is someone they are scamming.

Even the barista & car wash attendant aren’t seeing a real person.
The sociopath is constantly putting on a presentation.

When we stop believing them – there’s no one there.

 Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

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