Insults, put downs, “jokes”, name calling, silent treatment.
All this is a sociopath’s “normal.”
When a normal person and a sociopath mix, the collision of the normal human brain and the person living with the brain of a sociopath in their head is inevitable harm to the normal person… and absolute run-of-the-mill, just another day and not at all disturbing to the sociopath. We call the fallout of the two coming together “abuse.”
Emotional abuse and sociopaths are one. The entire time we spend with any sociopath is “abuse” in the sense that it’s fraud, a scam, a charade. It’s a ruse to steal our possessions and our goodness.
Emotional abuse and sociopaths
are always part of the same package.
Once we’re involved and in love the inevitable fallout of the mix of a normal human and a sociopath is harm to us… and nothing new or hurtful to them.
This mind bending, confusing, collision of a sociopath and a normal person can make us think there’s something wrong with us. There is not. – There is something very, very wrong with a sociopath.
This is no ordinary difficult relationship.
We’ve been kidnapped without realizing it. We’re not with a normal person, sociopaths have abnormal brains. As a sociopath goes about their day in the world they present a false self, even the barista or car wash attendant aren’t seeing a real person. The sociopath is constantly putting on a fake-front.
As normal, gorgeous humans, we think we’re in a real relationship. Naturally we do what normal people do in real relationships. The sociopath does not. Their odd behavior, unresponsiveness and sometimes out right meanness trips us up – we try, we try to make things better: as anyone would in a relationship.
In the beginning a sociopath can gauge what matters to us. They fulfill that. As the weeks go by, they discern what we won’t tolerate or forgive, what will keep us trusting, even when they become neglectful or mean. They innately know the little tricks and which treatment will bend us to their will most effectively.
We try to keep things harmonious – humans need harmony within their lives and relationships. If both people were normal, both people would contribute to harmony within the relationship… this is not the case with a sociopath.
While we pitch in and spend a lot of effort self reflecting wondering if “it’s our fault,” and trying to make things right, work out the kinks, adjust our perception of what a relationship – this relationship – should be and relationship-build. We don’t get any where trying to make things good. We do eventually see that: there isn’t going to be any good. – And we’re the only one trying.
A sociopath wants us kept under control, locked into their spell. This is so they can keep taking whatever they take. – To keep targets in their grip a sociopath knows that an emotional reaction from us means we’re still in. They truly do not care what emotions make us stay. They don’t mind if we’re angry, mad, sad, happy, or afraid or in love with them… any emotional investment in them means we’re in the game. That is all they want and need. As long as they can elicit an emotional response they know they have time to take and use more. ANy response from us is based in emotions, because that’s the way we operate naturally as limbic brained humans.
From a sociopath, rage and even violent behavior are a given if he or she thinks they’re losing their grip and all those things they got a hold of, they want to keep what they take. Though not all sociopaths use physical violence within every “relationship” – some are incredibly violent if that’s “just their thing,” and they all Sociopaths hate to lose.
Female sociopaths sometimes entice their targets into violence,
or even fake it – so they can pose as the abused little-woman.
Sociopath’s Minds Collide with Ours – This Means Emotional Pain for Us
We suffer. The sociopath does not. This is their normal.
We’re in a kind of “hypnosis” in a cloud of confusion. As the pretty wears off and the crazy begins we’re twirling on a merry-go-round emotionally. If we question them about specif things they’ve done the sociopath wants to lead us to feeling convinced we did something to make it happen, or that it didn’t happen, or they ignore us. We want to make it better because that’s what is normal within a relationship, and because already we feel we can’t survive without them. We’re bonded. The gradual fade in of more pain and confusion cements us to them. This is normal!
Emotional abuse and sociopaths are inseparable. We start to feel crazy.
Being in love with a sociopath isn’t a casual connection. We’re deeply all-the-way in. We want the fairy tale to stay perfect. We hang on tenaciously even as we feel it shifting under our feet. We’re worried about connecting on a deeper level, maybe going to counseling together. We’re concerned about maintaining a home, paying bills, breaking up a family or fearing for our own future. The tricks they use to control us are subtle and hard to grab a hold of; they trap us in ordinary conversation.
As decent, normal human beings when someone talks we feel we’re meant to listen. When someone asks a question we’re socially, culturally and innately programmed to give an answer.
In this case – we know the answer needs to please them. And we’re afraid.
And – girls and guys – let’s just say it — we’re really, really worried, down in a deep little part of our mind that if things end so soon, so suddenly – our sister or dad or friend is gonna say: I knew something was wrong with that guy!
And – also ripping us in shreds – is fear of his judgment of us. All very, very normal when entranced in the bindings of a sociopath. The emotional abuse by a sociopath is used as a tactic to keep us bound to them. They can become enraged and violent if they don’t get their way. There’s no excuse for any abuse. There’s not one bit of it that’s okay or justified.
Never diminish the complete wrongness of any abuse. – Sociopaths are naturals at it. They’re vindictive too – another reason we go no contact.
For more on abuse Check with Dr. Phil
Or check this out, PsychCentral, Signs of Emotional Abuse
And, PsychopathFree, Trusting After Emotional Abuse
And to see what REAL True Love really truly is
read this blog by a girl – now a woman – who grew up next door to me.
Grab the Kleenex first. In a good way.
Examples of Tactics and Tricks of the Sociopaths
Emotional Distractions –
Laughing at us.
Putting us down.
Calling us names.
Making us feel guilty.
Diminishing our feelings.
Making us think we’re crazy.
The silent treatment – ignoring us.
Taking things, plans or privileges away.
Treating us very well (only) in front of other people.
Accusing and blaming us for things going wrong or failing.
Comparing us to their last girlfriend or wife – who did things better.
Making us afraid by using looks or gestures.
Slamming doors, breaking things, throwing things.
Yelling, scolding, ordering or driving us to do or not do something.
Talking about killing and violence. Displaying weapons or physical force in any way.
Telling us who our friends can be.
Trying to keep us from family members.
Creating an “us” and “them” existence.
Acting jealous of our time, people we see.
Using his jealousy to justify control of us.
Manipulating where we go, when we must be home.
Rules about or insinuating when we should or shouldn’t go out.
Controlling anything: what we read, watch, social media, phone time.
Avoiding meeting or seeing our family. Keeping us from their family.
Having friends they won’t let us meet – places they won’t let us go with them.
Having a friend who is held up as having authority of opinion about our relationship.
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming –
Belittling our ideas, feelings, opinions.
Denying that things important to us, matter.
Setting us up to think everything is our fault.
(Faking) illness to keep from talking about our concerns.
Insulting how we take care of the home, kids or spend our time.
Telling us it’s our fault they’re mean, or that things are going wrong.
Using intimidation or belittling to keep us quiet about what concerns us.
Coercion & Threats –
Threatening to commit suicide.
Threats to report us to authorities.
Making us drop charges against them.
Sociopaths pretend illness to control us.
Making or carrying out threats to harm, hurt or leave us.
Telling us we get something only if we do something specific.
Coercing us or charming us to do illegal or reprehensible things.
Economic Control –
Taking our money.
Making us ask for money.
Putting us on an allowance.
Their money and it’s source are a mystery.
Borrowing money from us and not paying it back.
Keeping credit cards or accounts secretly.
Keeping income or access to family income from us.
Use outbursts of rage to keep us from talking or questioning them about money.
Male Privilege –
Treating us like a servant. – Even in jest.
Behaving like the King or Master of the castle.
Making big decisions, family decisions without us.
Using beliefs about how women should behave to control us.
Defining men’s and women’s roles or husband and wife roles as he demands.
Female Privilege –
If you were a real man you would…
Threatening domestic abuse charges.
Staging domestic violence.
I’m a woman, so you need to: support me, take care of me, take care of the baby.
Sexual Abuse & Emotional Manipulation –
Bargaining with sex.
Forcing us to be sexual with them.
Belittling us for wanting sexual intimacy.
Refusing us physical intimacy under any pretext.
Having affairs. Having wives. Having kids. All secret. Or mostly secret.
Our Entire Life with a Sociopath is Emotional Abuse – So is Everyone Else’s
They are always lying.
They are always scheming.
Every moment of their life is a lie.
Everyone they know is someone they are scamming.
Even the barista & car wash attendant aren’t seeing a real person.
The sociopath is constantly putting on a presentation.
When we stop believing them – there’s no one there.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!
Set up some true love scam™ recovery coaching with Jennifer Smith
It’ll clear things right up! – Relief guaranteed.