Love with a sociopath is no bed of roses. It’s not a match made in heaven. It’s from deepest hell. But: we win…
Love with a sociopath (a narcissist) starts out on a road we think is a mutual path, paved with love, where we’ll walk into our own gorgeous land of harmony and possibility like no other.
A land filled with promise like no other relationship that exists, all and only because: we are with them. This one incredible – are-you-kidding-me – amazing person. And it feels like a fairytale, a Disney princess, the Duke of Hastings, Bridgerton come alive and turned real.
When in love with a sociopath we feel that together we’re infinitely more than either of us could be apart. There’s sunshine, birds singing, rainbows – but no rain – pots of gold, blue skies, and hearts dancing and flitting around our heads like butterflies. They feel differently… they’re after your high-octane-goodness.
We Do the Things Normal People Do In Love
When we’re in love with a sociopath, we’re all in. Our new address is cloud nine.
Then naturally, as any normal person in a relationship, we relationship-build. We undertake to give, make, bake, create, fix, and take leaps of faith, and climb mountains to make things happen for us. This is normal and what one does in real relationships.
There is resolution and full restoration. What is recovery for you?
Since we believe and feel it’s real, our body is doing the things it does when real relationships happen. There’s a chemical mix of “love cocktail” that swooshes through us and it’s muddled well with the venom of their coercive control as it is injected into our veins and bones by their very presence and so, we’re locked in.
Hormones and signals that we’re in love. This naturally leads us to do and feel things that only happen when one is bonding and building a relationship.
There’s something extra going on here though…the infusion of coercive control has us seeing this as life-like-in-a-movie. Their invisible sway of influence has us trying harder. And, ultimately, staying longer feeling desperate that we can’t lose them. – There’s nothing inherently wrong with us. We’re super-de-duper normal. really, no matter your past, no matter your parents or childhood. What we are is ensnared by – that is, feeling that we’re in love with a sociopath.
All We Need to Fall In Love
It’s easy-peasy to fall in love. Really our bodies are made for it. The Amazing Brain explains. To find a complete stranger. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour. Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.
We’re not stupid. We’re being what we are: human. A human in love. Life and love with a sociopath are far from normal. We just don’t know who’s standing next to us yet.
Love with a Sociopath is a Life of Two Parallel Realities
Without realizing it, we’re not making a magnificent masterpiece of a life on a bicycle built for two. We’re digging a gnarled, dark, deep, tangled hole into the center of hell, where we’re headed all by ourselves, because the sociopath we love knows there’s no relationship.
Once we see enough, cry enough, try enough, we do end it. Sometimes they end it before we can, because a sociopath always, always knows the end is coming.
If we’re lucky, we see a glimpse of this just as the sociopath trips off into his own disgusting future with all our things on his back in a rotting knapsack we mistook for his beautiful soul.
All Normal Humans Are Emotional: There’s Nothing Wrong with Us
If we look at what went on with our emotional human brain we’ll only continue to suffer. We will never heal. Ever.
There are certain beliefs that destroy us as festering wounds after the sociopath leaves. If we’re misinformed about how amazing humans are, how normal we are, and what a sociopath really is, and what that means, we may never, ever recover. Ever. — We can heal.
Here’s what will ruin us after it’s over:
Telling ourselves, or being told by others and believing:
We’re codependent, weak
Have low self-esteem
It’s our fault, we’re crazy
And stupid, and addicted to the narcissist
Blame lies with us, because we ignored red flags
There’s that “work” we need to do on ourselves
We’ve been naive, got hooked because we went through abuse as kids
And There’s More Malarkey We Hear About Our Love with a Sociopath
You’ve likely heard it…
Always, we pick the wrong guy or gal to fall in love with
Have a pattern of abusive relationships
Always get it wrong
We fell for it because we’re older or because our dog just died, or we’re needy
Not wanting to be alone made it happen
It happened because we wanted marriage and kids
Loving a sociopath happened because they made us feel safe
We fell for it because we don’t have enough money
Our insecurity led us to think they could help us do something or be something
We were blind, and in denial, our friends told us but we didn’t listen
And most of all, don’t we know if something’s too good to be true… it isn’t real
None of these is true. And there are very good things that are very true
How To Heal After Loving a Sociopath
There are no words to describe the feel of the life-shattering shock of realizing all was a lie. Loving a sociopath leaves us with post-trauma and the need for self-compassion in order to heal truly and completely.
It takes support and encouragement and someone who can listen without judging. someone who knows what we’ve been through. It takes accurate and true information and understanding of what a sociopath is – and what we are as gorgeous, loving humane, human beings.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Is love all we need? It might be… if we’re talking about a relationship with a puppy. So many things make our world, but most of all it’s our beliefs that shape our experiences.
We hear a lot of things about relationships, about marriage, and what makes them work; “love” is always the bottom line: “If you love each other.”
We also hear: relationships are hard work. And stories of love at first sight, or being swept off our feet. We’ve all heard the adage that says love conquers all, and have been told that all couples fight.
When things go wrong we’re counseled by well-meaning friends or family with things like boys will be boys. And you still might hear that a woman’s place is in the home. And when things are really rough someone might tell us, you made your bed, now lie in it. – To my way of thinking, “love” somehow got lost in here.
“Unconditional” Loves Makes Room for Bad Behavior
It’s said that true and real love is meant to be unconditional, as well as some who say the legal contract of marriage is phooey and, that it’s only a piece of paper.
There are so many expressions describing the experience of love, let’s look at more of them: we fall into it; we’re crazy in it. Sick with it, and: all’s fair in love and war.
If you think about it, you’ll come up with a barrel full and more of these platitudes floating around. We’ve all heard all of them. We all absorb them unconsciously, or believe them all the way.
I have to say, personally, none of these sentiments cause me to want to be hit by cupid’s arrow. A really important question to ask ourselves is: How do our beliefs about love help us and how do they cause us to suffer?
What Do These Metaphors Mean About Our Expectations in Relationships?
Relationships are Hard Work
Are they? Is this a fact..? I coined a slogan long ago from my own experience in relationships: when it’s right, it’s easy. – Isn’t this just as valid? – What’s “right” has to be factored in. We won’t get “easy” if we want different things when it comes to the big questions in life like where to live, how to live and having kids or not.
Honestly when it comes down to it things won’t last if we have different ideas of what’s funny, or favorite foods or eating styles. Vegan vs. fast food is not going to have many happy meals together. A smoker vs. a runner is going to have a short lap around the track at best.
This is kinda romantic and yes, there can be a primal pull to someone, an attraction that goes deep, but actual l.o.v.e…? Not so much. That would take more time. Guess who wants us to think the real deal happens in one instant?
Swept Off Our Feet
Yes! That adrenaline rush and that floaty feeling like our feet left the floor and our head is full of clouds. That sounds very unstable. Like being out of control…and it is just that. This isn’t the time to jump into a commitment. It’s time to take a step back. It usually signifies something isn’t quite right, or isn’t really for us.
What Truly Conquers All in Life?
If only love conquered all. We love our dolls when we’re little; that doesn’t stop them from getting dirty or lost. Our goldfish captures our hearts; they still stink up the glass bowl and die anyway. Never being defeated by loss or grief, or life’s ups and downs, now thatconquers all.
It’s Noble and Poetic to Stick Around No Matter What
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wand’ring bark, Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken. Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle’s compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me prov’d, I never writ, nor no man ever lov’d.
Every Couple Fights
Do they…? First of all, what constitutes a fight? Screaming? Throwing things, ignoring us, calling us fat? Wwho would do that…? What the heck is there to fight about? In my experience, when it’s right it’s easy. There’s nothing to fight about.
Boys Will Be Boys
Really…? We know who likes this one. This palliative phrase echos another historical era, like when people thought the earth was flat, and believed if we walked far enough we’d fall off the edge. Boys need to eventually be men. And men and boys will be held accountable. If they are subhuman as a pathological user then, bye-bye.
A Woman’s Place is in the Home
Hey, I love home. Home is where the heart is. And as women we have a place outside the home too. Again, the earth is no longer flat and girdles are not required.
You Made Your Bed
Life is about creating what ever we want. We’re never stuck in any one place. This is from those flat-earth and earlier beliefs. When women were property and even as near to now as the 1980’s when women had to fight to get a bank loan to by a house on their own.
Our Beliefs About Love Create Our Experience
It’s Only a Piece of Paper
As if marriage is unimportant and the legalities and life changing effects therein are “only a piece of paper”. Nope. A marriage certificate is not “only a piece of paper.” In legalities alone there are many, many binding alterations to our life. Those are in place until we divorce them. That nightmare-ish process is another can of legal worms, and includes myriad little pieces of paper I’m sure most of us hold in high esteem.
And then in real life terms being a wife or husband is entirely another realm than boyfriend territory even if you live together. Anyone who’s been married knows the experience of that something that kicks in that makes everything different. This is a life bond.
Marriage, from an emotional or spiritual and legal stand point is far beyond a piece of paper, even if we don’t know that until we experience it.
This sentiment is a bizarre notion. To me it signifies a free hall pass to any and all (bad) behavior within a relationship. Nope. Not a good idea.
Unconditional acceptance is for babies, actual infants, not grown men and women. Pathological predators depend heavily on our concept of this kind of love in order to use us. To me unconditional love is reserved for babies and puppies, so to speak.
We’re “Crazy In Love”
The pathological predator, a sociopath is incapable of feeling love. Love is nothing to a sociopath. We are their prey. They are dependent upon us. There’s no love going on here.
This expression about how it feels to love is natural. It can seem whirlwind and so exciting and we’re crazy about them! What we’re discovering is that there are situations that are full of chaos, trauma and legitimate fear. This is not “crazy in love” this is the trauma of being involved in anyway with a pathological user.
In the aftermath of this mess, when we talk about our feelings to others, they’re cool at first – maybe. Typically at a certain point things flip and we get a sense hat they think we’re crazy.Being entangled into a fake-latioinship by a sociopath feels like crazy and we start to think we’re crazy. We aren’t crazy. Recovery from crazy is possible.
We “Fall Into” Love
Fall…? Remember falling…? Like from childhood. Falling, was bad. It hurt. It was a loss of control, an absence of safety. A lack of choice. An accident. Traumatic. Falling happened to us, we didn’t decide to do it. How is this related to love…? Does this concept need to be a part of our ideas about how we love?
I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to be sickwith anything. I get it, that longing that aches and is the pain of wanting someone. Especially if they go out of town, or already have a girlfriend or boyfriend, or they don’t seem to notice us. But – uhh – that was high school.
All’s Fair in Love …and War
Where the heck did that come from? Come on. No. It isn’t. Personally, I think there’s nothing fair whatsoever in war. And I firmly believe that all is meant to be fair in love unless you’re meaning it’s fair to lie. Nope: that’s not fair at all. That’s criminal.
Why Isn’t Love Enough?
The nasty pathological predator counts on our surrender to love, our complete trust in love combined with our lack of understanding that this kind of predator exists and what that means.
They depend on us buying into the idea that we’re blinded by it; that it’s enough, that love doesn’t question, that it never dies, that if it’s “true”, it lasts forever and until death do us part. In reality with a pathological predator, such as a narcopath (a sociopath), it was never there and we typically only know that after they’ve parted us from our health, money, property, sanity and dignity.
Are There Other Ways to Conceptualize and Live Out Love?
How many concepts of love can you think of? There’s a fool for it, and that other person is our better half. We’ve all heard what’s his name from that movie say:you complete me. – Sorry Tom, but that’s just not our job.
Make a list of as many ideas stuffed into little idioms or platitudes that you can think of. Then think baout how they contribute to confusion or maybe pain. Then check out the TED talk below for some great ones and alternatives for new ways to think about and experience love.
What If We Think About Matters of the Heart a New Way?
What if we thought of love differently? For example, as something we partnered in? Or stepped or walked into rather than fell into? If we turned the popular concepts we live from into new thinking, such as: we collaborate in love? That we create it, build it. Grow into it and within it. Choose it and harmonize in it. Imagine if those feelings of love could be enough if we thought of them in a new way.
Here’s a great TED Talk discussing how we think of love and how this shapes our experience of love, Just like with all things in life: from our perspective, our expectations, our beliefs that determine and give us the fortitude and wisdom to conquer all.
Ms. Catron works with words and language and talks about how we think of love as a form of madness, and metal illness, and it’s full of violence and we fall into it, and are smitten by it as a vengeance from an angry God. What if instead, love were a collaborative work of art?
Love Is How and What We Make It
The pathological predator, a sociopath is incapable of feeling love. Love is nothing to a sociopath. We are their prey. They are dependent upon us. There’s no love going on here.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
It’s natural to believe parents love their kids. Is this a mistake at the expense of the children in some parents’ clutches?
Can narcissistic sociopaths love their kids? (Every sociopath, btw, is 100% narcissistic.) We’d certainly like to think every parent loves their children. But in one of the nightmares that led you to find this page, are we putting your kids at risk?
When we’re in the throes of getting away from a pathological parasitic predator and trying to put together what we were dragged through, it’s Twilight Zone enough to absorb the idea that they didn’t love us, let alone pondering if sociopaths love their kids or not.
But we see the evidence- kids forgotten, ignored, abused, used, yelled at, manipulated, and hurt. We have to ask ourselves: Does this parent love this child? And further, even if they say they want the kids, are they good enough to be in the child’s life? Are they harmful?
Do Sociopaths Love Their Kids?
Firstly, a sociopathic parent can claim they care about their children. Or more readily stake a claim to their children. But break it down… recall the ways they express interest in their children.
Are we interpreting the way they lay claim as “caring”? But is it caring? Or is it what a pathological parasitic predator lays out as part of their ruse to seem normal and to get what they want?
Sociopaths know that appearing to care about the children makes them look “normal”. The (“narcissist”) sociopath is all about trying to get others to believe they’re normal or amazingly amazing so they can make use of us. With that agenda, what better way than to come across as someone who adores kids?
Normal People Love; “Narcissists” Do Not Love
As amazing and lovable as our kids are, no matter how much we love them, the sociopath does not love their kids. Most sociopaths abandon their kids eventually or immediately. As horrible as this sounds, this is the best situation for you and the children.
Know that we can turn a sociopath’s weakness and limitations – the sociopath’s deep and constant fear and fragile, house-of-cards existence to our advantage. Save the children. Live again.
As hard as it is, please realize that we’re lucky if they walk away and are never heard from again. No child benefits from a sociopath hanging around in their lives. It brings only harm.
Remember, sociopaths fake all caring and any seemingly loving emotions. They really and truly feel none of it. They do pretend to care about kids… It can seem real through our hopeful view of things.
The very bizarre truth is that narcissistic sociopaths love no one. Sociopaths do not love their kids. The person you’re thinking of as a “narcissist” does not love their kids (because that’s a sociopath). They do use their kids just as they’re using us and anyone else who crosses their path.
What would getting your kids safely away mean to you?
Sociopaths (or more accurately, psychopaths) do and say all they do and say only to get what they want. That’s truly their only inspiration. A pathological user uses any means they can think of to get what they want, to get away with what they do, and to maintain the pretense or facade of a “good reputation”.
I asked the nut-bag I married if he had any kids. He said, I have kids all over the world. I kinda thought, hmmm, then decided he meant he was a person who really loved kids, but had none because who the heck could have kids all over the world? – Well, turns out he did. 18 kids in five countries, at last count. All abandoned by him, used by him when possible, their mother’s lives periodically re-invaded, and all unloved by him.
Breaking Up with Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
A part of the standard sociopathic persona is to pretend to love their kids, especially when other people are watching. They put on this show to convince someone else that they’re a great person and normal.
Posing as a loving parent is meant to influence others’ opinions of them as a good person. A trustworthy person, a loving and kind person: a normal person. Sociopaths do nothing genuinely kind or caring for their kids. The kids are a tool, an object, just as adults are.
Sadly, the kids are a tool, a cover, a façade of respectability; we, and the kids, are a gateway to “more”. Since they’re without stops or boundaries, and because of the limited functionality of their brain,, there’s no end to what a sociopath might do
It’s the challenge here to first accept and then take in an understanding of what it means that parasitic predators are unable biologically and physiologically to make a caring connection to any living being.
To comprehend what it adds up to in real-time, in our real-life, that they have no conscience. You could say that kids, just as anyone else around them, are seen as paper dolls to make use of as they desire. Little toys strewn out on the floor to pick up or toss aside as needed.
They can be torn, trampled on, misused, abused, subjected to things they shouldn’t see, hear, or experience at any whim or lack of concern on the pathological parasitic predator’s part. That “spouse” you might still be thinking”might be a narcissist”.
There Are No Limits to Their Lack of Humanity
This pathology frames the parasitic predator’s brain to truly believe that every “toy” belongs to them; that each thing and each person is theirs to take and use or harm. The antisocial psychopath has no concern for what we consider “right and wrong.”
A parent without a conscience does not and cannot love their kids. A being that makes no connection, no positive bonds, has no humanity, cannot parent in any way. They harm and only cause harm to their children, even without overt abuse. They can be nothing else.
Appearing Normal vs. Being Normal
Antisocial psychopaths aka sociopaths do, however, observe that in the normal people’s world, our world, there’s a vast difference between how we act towards a child versus how we behave towards an adult.
They do know that to come across to us as normal, they must mimic the ways we behave towards children. However, they’re really, really bad at this. They slip up in shocking and obvious ways and fail miserably at acting “normal”.
Sociopaths (“Narcissists”) Act Like They Love Their Kids
Sociopaths pretend to love their kids when the child has a price tag. This can be to get out of paying child maintenance -or- to be awarded child maintenance payments. They pretend to love their kids to appease a Judge.
Male sociopaths in particular go to court to take their kids (your kids) to get out of court-ordered child maintenance. Which is tragically ironic, because they don’t pay child maintenance even when it is court-ordered. Unless someone is watching them pay.
That is to say, unless new prey know about the child (children) and observe how they treat the kids, and know whether or not they make the payments. And unless they have parents or someone else watching who they stand to gain something from. To get that thing, they will maintain some semblance of payment schedule at least for a while.
Female sociopaths (maybe you’re calling them a “narcissist”) are not above claiming false domestic violence and abuse so they can take the kids. Their goal is to look like a good and normal person, but further, it’s to get spousal and child maintenance. Female sociopaths do not love their kids.
There is Hope
Because sociopaths (“narcissists”) are simplistic, predictable, and extremely limited creatures we can ues their limits and motivations and specific needs to maneuver them out of our lives. This may sound odd, or not at all b clear in meaning at this moment.
To do this, we need a very sharp and precise comprehension of their base motivation, the limits of their brains, and to see this whole schmeer for what it is: A crime of deception and fraud. These are not relationships. There is no human there. I guide people to this place in one-on-one sessions.
Know that we can turn a sociopath’s weakness and limitations – the sociopath’s deep and constant fear and fragile, house-of-cards existence to our advantage. Save the children. Live again.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Please feel free to reach out, ask a question or comment in the form below. I always respond.
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Sociopath is a big word. We shy away from the idea because it sounds like a movie, not real life. Taking a second look at this can save us lots of pain.
Dating a sociopath, as it turns out, is something I’ve done a lot of. This wasn’t something I knew I’d done until after I’d married one, kicked him out, and gotten myself an annulment.
After this big-whammy experience with the con man sociopath who hijacked me specifically for a green card to the U.S.A. – and incidentally (as they do) – for all the money he could take, I put the pieces together. I did this with my own instinct, a bold and unwavering determination to take back my life and all he’d taken from me, and reading research. As in neuroscience and psych research.
Dating a Sociopath: The More We Know
After really grasping how their little minds operate and their quirks and foibles, I know that I’ve dated a sociopath more than once. Each of them floated to my memory over the months spent restoring my life in a flash of realization. – I understand you might be wondering what it is about me that “attracted” them, or what could be wrong with me…
There’s nothing wrong with me, There’s everything right with me. I’m a normal gorgeous inside and out living breathing fully limbic-brained human. In other words, this means that I’m normal. Many, many, many of us discover as we take in a real comprehension of what a sociopath is that more than one has knocked at our door.
Is It Raining Sociopaths?
Now I know I’ve briefly dated one of these weirdos twice. And that about eight of them, all told have tried to get into my life. This one particular one got me into a legal marriage. Maybe like me, you went beyond dating a sociopath and married one.
Chances are, you’ve known more than one as well, and certainly at least one, or you wouldn’t be here. I’m glad that you are here…I’m glad you’re seeking answers that truly fit into place. Keep going so that you can solidify a user-proof life since as strange as it is, it’s true – these human predators are out there. – I’ve heard it said that one in 25 people is a sociopath… That makes about one in every classroom.
The Truth Found in The Experience
After the harrowing hideous entanglement and then the restoration of my life after the dirtbag who hijacked me for an address in the U.S. along with the legal right to be in the country, I now know one of the first times in my life I came across a sociopath was in elementary school. He was ten years old, and so was I. We were in the 5th grade.
He was super gross. Nobody liked him. He was tough and mean and didn’t fit the profile of that charming sociopath we read about at all. – But maybe crafting that smoothie exterior comes later in life for these creatures.
I was plagued by his attention. What I didn’t yet know was, that there’d been a bet or a joint plot or some such heinous thing among complicit classmates that he could grab me and kiss me on the playground. – Where the heck were the adults…?
As it goes down, I suddenly realize I’m all alone, sitting on a swing. There’s nobody else playing, no balls bouncing, no laughing… And no one near me. It dawns on me that the entire 5th and 6th grades are divided into two camps on opposite sides of the blacktop.
The optics of the scenario stretch and pull as they do in moments of impending doom. I see or sense one band of kids far, far away in a corner of the now ghostly playground, hovering in a flock by one of the outbuildings.
A Laser Point of Focus
The more nearby knot of whispering, heaving-with-excitement 10-year-olds backs further away as a lone figure slithers towards me. In this moment, the classical traits of the snake-like qualities of a sociopath shimmer off of this kid who’s now floating into the way-too-near-me horizon.
The dirty-haired, pale-skinned predator floats up like on a Z-axis camera dolly, sliding into a close-up position. His mouth is open in anticipation.
Emanating from him was some internal honing device that sucked at me, aligning my body, overriding my resistant mind and soul, right into his orbit. Something like polar opposite magnets that click and snap together when what I wanted to do was hurl away in refusal. I didn’t have control of my body… I was locked in place.
Primal Defenses Kick In: Trust Your Gut
A part of me actively resisted and fought to get away. Brave little me looked the prepubescent beast straight in his eyes. At the millisecond I registered his leer, his curled lip revealing tiny, pointy yellowish teeth, my right arm pulled itself back, my hand in a rock-hard fist ready to smash his face. – Something I’d never done in my life.
In addition to being deceptive about who they are and about their intention in our lives sociopaths don’t heed the natural and normal boundaries we have and that we expect others to have.
His eyes open wide from the slits of a hunter; shock replaces the cocky, shit-bag expression on his ugly freckled face. He leans back from his waist and comes closer all at once. He hisses through a clenched jaw, threatening: Don’t you hit me.
I didn’t hit him. I couldn’t really. I did look straight into his eyes scanning for a person. As in a human to connect with. There wasn’t one. But, he did look scared. Of me. Then I sent out no words, no sounds, but what must have been a telepathic, silent human-to-beast warning, in essence: Don’t you fuck with me.
Those very words weren’t in my head, but surely there were screaming from my less than five-foot 70-pound frame. He backed off. The crowds dispersed… And everything after that is a blur. I was then allowed to spend every recess for the rest of the 5th grade in the nurse’s office or sitting in the school counselor’s room. I was terrified of the playground. I had post-traumatic stress at 10 years old induced by the traumatic events of a sociopath invading my life.
How Does This Happen?
Likely, by now, you’ve heard someone say or read somewhere that you played a part in the “relationship”. That you don’t know how to pick good men or women or partners but are attracted to “bad boys”. That you’re codependent or don’t have boundaries and this is why this happened to you.
This reasoning, though a natural place for people to go with this for a few reasons, is absurd. As a ten-year-old, I guarantee I wasn’t looking for a bad boy, was not codependent, and was not in a relationship with this goober-headed ten-year-old monster. It happened because he was a monster – and I was – and am – normal.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Persistence of Predators: They Don’t Heed Boundaries
And then, either before or after that nice day, another fine day this grimy psycho kid shows me a messed up sketch he’d made. Presented it like a gift.
Smeared pencil on a piece of lined notebook paper; so many creases where he’d feverishly folded and unfolded the page in sweaty hands it was almost tattered. It was a crude drawing of an underground fort. Dug into the earth next to a tree, in and around its roots. He told me this is where he planned to take me…And so by implication keep me.
Sociopaths Need Normal People to Survive: They Count on Us Not Knowing What They Are
Turns out, I used to be the kind of person sociopaths really like. Someone they like to date, marry, and maybe even kidnap. A lot of us are this kind of person because we’re alive and amazing humans, this makes us someone these predators sniff out as delicious prey.
The thing is: somewhere in my body I was already afraid of this stranger I’d married. He too wanted things to seem okay, so he came into the market next door with me. It felt a lot like that encounter with a sociopath child while I was a child, that day on the playground in 5th grade.
And this doesn’t mean we’re stupid, or a doormat, or codependent. — And don’t even go down the road of thinking you’re a sociopath magnet… The very idea of a sociopath magnet implies it’s the targeted prey who are at fault for the fall down the rabbit hole. So not true.
Wanting a relationship and working for it doesn’t mean we’re codependent. Nice does not equal doormat. Dating a sociopath-con-man does not signify that we’re stupid. It does indicate our natural goodness and view of the world from the heart and eyes of normal. From our normally-wired human brain that bonds as survival.
We’re Not Stupid: We Do Need to Know and Accept That Monsters Exist
Sociopaths don’t get far or get much to support their lives out of stupid. Don’t forget, we unwittingly hold up their world; stupid can’t hold up tier own world and another grown person’s too.
Codependent simply does not apply as the case of this criminal hijacking arrangement they set up. It’s more like instant hypnosis, and unless you’ve been in it: Sit down. – That’s what you can all those people who say: Didn’t you know…? Why didn’t you just leave…?
What the Beasts Need
The more we learn about what a sociopath is and how to recognize them, you may realize you’ve known a few. Bleeping onto a sociopath’s radar screen as a potential target doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us.
What they do work with, and do a lot with, is our emotions. That’s what they’re after… They don’t care really about which emotion; they just want a normal human one.
Our natural normal response from the world of normal. Our human emotions are based on our ordinary and extraordinary kindness. They want open hearts, people who care, and people who don’t know what a predator is and that these revolting creatures exist… Even in 5th grade.
Dating a Sociopath: 8 Reasons to Suspect We’re Dating a Sociopath
Sociopaths don’t respond normally to normal things. For example, when something bad happens… like our pet turtle dies, or our cat gets sick, or we lose a family member they remain kind of neutral, almost bored, or say something like, such a pity and go on watching Netflix. Or, throw off a blast of ice-cold freeze out.
Narcissistic predators say things like I don’t have feelings. Or I’m going to teach you a lesson, and they aren’t talking about tennis or playing the piano. Or when we’re deep in it, as I heard one day from the nut case who hijacked me in marriage, I can’t make you do what I want you to, but I can make you wish you had.
Things Are Unclear and Foggy or Scary or Too Exciting
Things feel weird…like they’re lying; what they say doesn’t make sense
We spend time coming up with explanations for what they say and defend them to others
We’re not sure where they live, or where they are when they’re not with us
They talk about doing something for “us” that’s something we’ve always wanted and we’re excited beyond anything
The good stuff never happens, but weird stuff does
They seem mostly only semi-interested in things you say
Certain moments they’re riveted on you, really listening, they answer questions or say things that as “off”
Sometimes when you’re trying to talk with them about something important the room goes out of focus and small things come into focus
Lying is Life: Lies Are Real and Real is Made Up
Lying deceivers aren’t where they say they’ll be: We run into them when they said they couldn’t come out with us or they’d be somewhere else.
The invader parasite sociopath has a whole world going on that we aren’t in: We come across them out at a club when they said they were staying home – and then they ignore us, or tell us we should be at home. They don’t join us but freeze us out of their night on the town.
Signs of Dating a Sociopath Include Lots of Disappointment
Being used by a pathological predator involves being stood up with lame explanations or no explanation. If we’re dating a sociopath they might make a date with us and show up two hours late, or not at all. After that, they’re mad that we’re mad, and madder that we ask about it. And more than one of us has heard the sociopath we’re dating say, don’t question me or if you’d trust me everything would be okay.
Trust our gut, we’re experts now. We can see a sociopath a mile away. Look them in the eye. They’ll know that we know and it’s so delightful to watch them scurry away like the rats they are.
Sociopaths busy themselves “dating” us and and about 800 other people at the same time. They keep things close to their vest. They sleep with their phones. Lock their phone. Take their phone into the bathroom. Block us from their Facebook.
Sociopaths who are “dating” often, as in within every single moment of any encounter with a normal human being, overstep the normal social and personal boundaries we all have.
In addition to being deceptive about who they are and about their intention in our lives, sociopaths don’t heed the natural and normal boundaries we have and that we expect others to have.
They Inspire a Sense Of Unease
It’s not uncommon to have a creepy feeling like they’ve been looking through our drawers or catch them looking over our shoulder as we punch in our PIN. There always the quickly shifting and closing of the laptop when we walk into the room.
And, maybe you’ve noticed, predator sociopaths take things. Mysteriously, there’s money missing from our sock drawer, or from that envelope in between the dusty-never-used dictionary and “East of Eden” on the bookshelf. – Especially when they’re gearing up to exit our lives.
Normal Puts Things In Order
When confronted by the impossible the rational mind will grope for the logical.
~ Outlander S1:E1 Sessenach
They Come into Focus for What They Are
One day while my new husband was at a meeting, I went out to buy something delicious for his dinner. Surprisingly, I ran into him at my bank’s ATM just around the corner.
We just didn’t know such beasts existed, there’s no way to conceive of something so beyond normal; sociopaths hide behind this perfectly normal human phenomenon. We can’t know what we don’t know until we know it.
He was stunned and trying not to show it. – Caught red-handed more like. – Wary, surprised, and leering, like a cat that thinks it saw something move, but isn’t sure and so waits and watches for it to happen again, ready to pounce; he asked, Are you following me??
Feeling ungrounded, my brain spun and grasped for something that made sense of finding him, of his words, and to make things right because normal humans need that.
My mind sorted the circumstances: He had no personal bank account here, there was only my account recently-turned-joint-account. He was supposed to be in another area of town at a meeting… since an hour ago.
Their Oddness Leaves Us Without Words
Out of my mouth came a tiny, no. – This was the best answer I could come up with to his very odd question… The most normal response that made me seem not freaked out. I didn’t want him to know that I knew this was very, very weird.
The thing is: Somewhere in my body I was already afraid of this stranger I’d married. He too wanted things to seem okay, so he came into the market next door with me. It felt a lot like that encounter with the sociopath child while I was a child, that day on the playground in 5th grade.
I don’t remember grabbing the grocery items, but I do recall being at the checkout… Where I paid for our groceries while he fiddled with his phone and pretended to reach for his wallet.
Continuing the charade, he came home with me and then left eight minutes later. Truth gathering, observing as if I were a player in a scene revealed him for what he was.
Dating a Sociopath Doesn’t Mean There’s Anything Wrong with Us: Sociopaths Need Good People
Dating a sociopath was a recurring theme in my life. Emphasis on was. Previously, intermingled with great relationships with real people, I found myself dating a sociopath or about three very briefly; I only married one. — Recovery tip: Find humor wherever you can.
The more we learn about what a sociopath is and how to recognize them, you may realize you’ve known a few. Bleeping onto sociopath’s radar screen as a potential target doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us.
It means there’s everything right with us. It means we’re good, kind people who trust and love as natural, gorgeous humans innately do. We have every right to be exactly what and who we are.
Knowing is Key
We just plain, flat-out didn’t know such beasts existed, there’s no way to conceive of something so beyond normal; sociopaths hide behind this perfectly normal human characteristic of not knowing that evil exists and what it looks like. We can’t know what we don’t know until we know it.
Trust our gut, we’re experts now. We can see a sociopath a mile away. Look them in the eye. They’ll know that we know and it’s so delightful to watch them scurry away like the rats they are.
Really… I did it just yesterday in the mall. Now, we can add knowledge, wisdom, and courage to the mix of our gorgeous selves!
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Female sociopaths exist. Big time. In their empty souls they’re the same as any sociopath. They do use feminine charm to take and to ruin.
Female sociopaths aka narcissists and male sociopaths possess the same malfunctioning brain that leaves their hearts barren. They have no love, no genuine care or concern for anyone besides themselves.
It’s a reality, no matter what century we’re in, no matter the culture, though in some cultures far more than others that we expect women to be loving and nurturing mothers and loyal and monogamous and assume they are.
The unexpectedness of encountering a woman who is the antithesis of all this to the point of bare evil is traumatic. It sends us spinning into a prolonged state of disbelief.
To be fair, encountering any sociopath is traumatic: even when we don’t know that they’re a sociopath. There is undeniably an extra jolt when we do realize the person in front of us is a sociopath and female. This natural and normal disbelief on our part, buys them further time to wreak havoc in the lives of their prey.
That expectation of women beign sweet and lovig and sugar and spice is used as a tool by female sociopaths. Let me give a shout out to what’s real: most women are nurturing and loving. And – news flash – so are most men.
Normal Sees the World Through Normal: That’s Normal
The gorgeous humans, who fall into the traps of a sociopath aka who fall into the traps of a narcissist, are some of the most amazing humans on the planet.
If they sense you will possibly reveal them publically or to authorities as the wrongdoer expect some kind of deep smear. This is how they protect themselves, by weaving this kind of false and fraudulent set-up, putting you in the guilty seat.
The men who fall into this hell are incredible – as are the women… this though, is a case for so many of us who feel “there are no good men out there“. I’m here to tell you that there are.
There are indeed good men. The one’s who I work with in recovery sessions blow me away with their kindness, their pride in monogamy, their respect for women, and their huge hearts. Good men exist – and the female sociopaths who prey upon them count upon this goodness to twist them around. – This is how every sociopath works. Our normal, our innate goodness and human qualites are snatched up and used to swing us like a cat by its tail.
Restore your life. There’s nothing about you that made this happen.
Female sociopaths aka female narcissists exist. They’re identical to male sociopaths in their empty souls and evil guts. For them, using feminine charm and lurid sexuality to take and to ruin is fair play. Depending upon our assumptions about what it means to be female, we’re possibly in for a harder and darker ride.
Sociopaths aka narcissists exist in every gender, in every social or economic class. You can find them in any religion, at a University, in any bar, in the laundromat, and at a wine tasting.
Fraudsters comprise about 95% of the profiles on dating apps which are absolutely packed with them. They can be – and are – anywhere and in every walk of life. Some of them even pose as people trying to help the prey of sociopaths to heal and recover. – They’re liars.
The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
3 Dangers of Female Sociopaths aka Female Narcissists
Being female gives the female sociopath aka the female narcissist an extra special bit of opportunity to make use of others.
Marriage: Community property and access to monetary support and property
Pregnancy: Life long financal support and open predatory access to you
Criminal charges: Domestic abuse, and rape
Why Do Female Sociopaths Marry?
Female sociopaths marry in order to gain financially or socially, to obtain possessions or respectability – only. There’s no love involved. They sign up with the intention of being supported by their spouse while they do whatever they like including still preying upon other men (or women).
As the predators they are, the female sociopath will push so hard for marriage they’ve been known to buy their own engagement rings. Divorce is usually the ultimate goal; ideally, this brings high alimony, a big settlement, or property.
Traditional Gender Roles Tip Into the Female Sociopath’s Hand
Being 100% supported financially by their male prey is a go-to for female sociopaths; they do hit the jack-pot fairly readily with this one sliding right into this traditional relationship dynamic.
All the while they’re sleeping with a whole team, a fleet, a crew, a slew of other men, women or both just as male sociopaths do. Please, see a doctor and have STD tests done. Female sociopaths are just as evil as male sociopaths. There’s no sugar and spice to be found inside the outwardly female pathological user.
More to Know: Yes, there are both male and female sociopaths. Sociopaths present themselves to the world mainly as their obvious biological gender, but are in fact something we could only call, genderless. Read more about the genderless nature of sociopaths here: Sociopaths Sexual Boundaries.
Unexpected or not, pregnancy can bring the sweet scent of “normal” and more importantly big bucks for years and years to a female sociopath. And guess what, it doesn’t matter if she has this innocent child with a male or female target.
Women of antisocial personality disorder, ASPD – also many times called narcissists and thoght to be NPD, have fewer children than male sociopaths. The male sociopath aka narcissist populates the earth indiscriminately with many children that they leave by the wayside. Female sociopaths want to bear children in limited quantities for some pretty basic reasons:
The annoyance of pregnancy; it puts a damper on scamming
Pregnancy makes changes in their looks perceived to reduce their seductiveness
Children are not genuinely wanted and are not loved; they are a meal ticket
Every Sociopath aka Narcissist Cares Only About Personal Gain
Aside from possessing a child creating the necessary public persona of “normal”, female sociopaths have children for these other reasons: money, money, and money. Once a child is on the scene they can legitimately demand support and whether married or not, they take men to court to get it. In marriage and in divorce this plot includes taking your property.
All the while they’re sleeping with a whole team, a fleet, a crew, a slew of other men, women or both just as male sociopaths do.
Unwanted and surprise pregnancies or coerced “plans” for children all have the same motivation and result. Poking holes into condoms and lies about birth control or infertility are basic for a sociopath. If you have children with a female sociopath, consider DNA testing the babies. The results might not change your feelings for the children, but they can absolutely change court orders.
Children can bring big-bank to the female sociopath, and while you may be willing to voluntarily support financially in some way, the court-ordered maintenance is extortion when the pregnancy is a surprise, or attributed to the wrong man.
Domestic Violence: Staged, Forced, and Faked to Cry “Victim”
Female sociopaths commonly create a wife-beater scenario. It dovetails with the sociopath’s need to seem like the victim, and further this is a style of self-defense as is any kind of smear campaign.
In this kind of attack the sociopath – male or female or any gender – is attempting to make their case for this so that their story is the one that is believed and the focus is shifted to their prey – that is to you – as the wrongdoer.
Self-Harm to Blame You
They do this in two ways. She will become violent to incite a response of violence. By hitting first, the hope is that the man – or woman – will hit them back. If this doesn’t work, they have other options.
Female sociopaths are just as evil as male sociopaths. There’s no sugar and spice to be found inside the outwardly female pathological user.
Female sociopaths aka narcissists are known to inflict self-injury and claim that you did it to them…they could throw themselves into the edge of the coffee table. Bang their heads on the shower wall. Smash their own arms with a hammer… Blacken and bruise their own body and legs.
They might call the cops at the moment of beating themselves up or instead they take pictures of the blood and bruises, then later file police reports of abuse based on this craziness. – Each of these examples is a situation I’ve seen.
Claim Rape to Set Themselves Free
It is not at all beyond the female sociopath aka narcissist to claim rape. This makes staying away from them crucial. Keeping them away from your home, and not going to theirs is critical. If this is a co-worker, never be alone with them in an office or other room at your place of work. If this is unavoidable, leave the doors open.
Not meeting anywhere at all becomes serious for you as prey when the sociopath is ramping up into trying to subdue you. this occurs as they begin to see you as a threat to their own facade and freedom. If they sense you will possibly reveal them publically or to authorities as the wrongdoer expect some kind of deep smear. This is how they protect themselves, by weaving this kind of false and fraudulent set-up, putting you in the guilty seat.
Protect Yourself from Court and Jail
There are, unfortunately, restraining orders, and wins in domestic violence, or rape charge legal battles based on false allegations staged by female sociopaths. – Take the prospect of court or legal charges seriously. Find out how to position yourself to win against false claims.
Save every email, every text, and SMS. These can become proof of their lies. Do not respond to them. Go no contact and keep no contact as the only real protection against this. No contact is life-saving.
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Hidden traits, under the mask, behind the charm lurks the real-deal Monster. The sociopath-demon comes into view. Then he slips to hide behind a curtain of pretty only to flash a thigh of evil.
Hidden traits cover what at first blush in a true love scamming sociopath appears charming. They seem kind. Gentle. Genuine. Unique. Incredible. And so sincere our hearts hurt.
The predator can come across so devastatingly moving we’re humbled in openings into views and moments in life we’ve never seen before; under their uncanny power of influence, we reach what seem to be realizations about ourselves, about them – about how to be human – that endear us more deeply to them.
We’re not in denial. As my dad would say, that’s a river in Egypt. But seriously. No one deliberately stays here.
We don’t remain in the clutches of a slimy sociopath on purpose. Our goodness caught their attention,
our goodness sets us free.
Denial is a word that’s tossed around to represent a state of mind we’re supposedly in. And that explains how this nightmare went on for so long, or started in the first place. There are those who would say we were in denial and so the surreal, horror show continued to run through our lives as if we allowed it. These people who say this could not be more wrong.
We’re not in denial. No. In short, what happened is: we were deceived and bamboozled. This means we did not have full information.
There isn’t an even playing field. Firstly, none of us had full information that these creatures even existed. Secondly, we were lied too. Thirdly, normal people aren’t looking for a lie. We automatically trust; that’s one of the beautiful things about us all. And fourth, and most significant of all, we’re under the spell of the pathological predator.
Truth Scarier Than Fiction: We Heal From Truth, Not Lies
We were scammed pure and simple by a serial liar, user, taker, abuser life thief. The chasm between our intention and the pathological narcissistic user’s true intention only becomes clear over time.
It’s revealed by bits-and-pieces. We didn’t deny anything… except them and what they wanted, once we did see through it and take in the full horror of their true black heart.
When we’re ensnared by a sociopath, there‘s a clashing of two worlds a great collide of two different brains, themind of a sociopath (you might be calling them a narcissist) and the mind of a regular, normal, iambic brained person: you or me.
The pathological predator and users do their best to let us believe rather than a clash, that together we’re the best match on the planet. The best fit that any two people could ever be.
This is how they survive. The ability to bring this influence upon others is wired into their DNA. I call it the sociopath effect.
Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view. This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim blaming and just plain wrong.
We see this match made in heaven situation isn’t quite the case, as soon as is humanly possible. In no way do we leap to the conclusion that this person is a psychopath the first time they don’t call us back or are unreachable.
Not only can people not see something they don’t know is in existence such as users who are pure evil, these exist in the movies, not real life.
Our human body and physiology are amazing. It’s designed to keep us safe. In trauma, our bodies and minds protect us, and so let the truth be seen in bite-sized pieces so that we don’t lose our sanity.
After true love scam our eyes are wider open than most. And we know more than most; certainly more than people who tell us we allowed it and we’re in denial. Let your body do its thing.
The very, very courageous take on recovering, healing, seeing what the real-deal is in pieces. Take it in in bits that you can take… It takes as long as it takes. Tell those blamers and shame-ers to step off.
We’re not permanent victims scarred for life. We’re not to blame for being snagged and conned by a lying sociopath who gives us every excuse in the book for why they do this. These are not the only two options. — Though – sometimes — it seems to be as we try to find our way out of the maze.
There are piles of mainstream answers to this hideous crime. Including that we, as targets invited it through our past abuse issues or our relationship issues and that we stayed because we were in denial.
How about we look at it from another direction? From our eyes. Let’s stop letting people outside the experience define what happened. Let’s look at it from the eyes of the prey of a sociopath.
This perspective takes a whole different set of words to define it. – Not for the sake of frivolous semantics, but because of a very real variance in meaning.
We Are Not in Denial: We’re Amazing
You see, definitely more fanciful descriptors – these come from the influence of watching many Johnathan Strange and Dr. Norell episodes on late-night Netflix binges that stopped my anxious brain from thinking in the early days of recovery and rocked me to sleep, and still reflect the real-deal of being in one of these hellish circuses of a true love scam… the day-time-wide-awake, hall-of-mirrors-nightmare of living hijacked by a sociopath.
Unless someone’s been dragged by their heart and soul through this, they have no idea. None. None of us “in it” are in denial, or willfully resisting seeing what they are.
To think that anyone could imagine or imply that we’re willfully and knowingly, in the mess we’re in and choosing to ignore it means they have no clue. We’re each in something we can’t possibly recognize: who knew what a sociopath was before all this?
No One Can See Something We Don’t Know Exists
For anyone who’s not been hijacked by a sociopath, these descriptors might sound absurd. It may be what inspires, ohhhh… hmmm, yes. She’s in denial. – And other wholly off the mark, and utterly compassionless, and just plain rude remarks from onlookers and others, who we might think would know better.
To those under the spell, these are quite accurate descriptions that bring about our freedom. With this look at things, we feel less crazy. We might let out a sob of relief, Oh, my god! That’s it! That’s exactly what it is!! – And a little slip of hope eeks through the fog of the sociopath-madness we’re trapped in.
There’s a Mesmerizing that Leads People to Drink the Kool-Aid
I realize what I’m about to say here isn’t popular to say… It’s a contemporary popular belief that humans make choices about well, everything. Here’s a hard fact: none of us are with a sociopath by direct or informed or conscious choice.
We do get away from them by choice. And this’s an important part of this circumstance. Somehow most of the world focuses on wondering how we stumbled into it, why we stayed, ie: How could we have been so stupid?
Decide Your Understanding of This Event
Let’s be real here, let’s not base our understanding of what we’re experiencing – the how’s and why’s of it, in the ideas and perceptions from something else: namely the ideas and perceptions of those who’ve not experienced it.
Mostly the whole mess is analyzed and judged and pronounced upon by those who have not been through it and interpret the phenomenon as if the sociopath – the perpetrator – has the determining view.
This is nothing more than a type of mansplaining, victim-blaming and just plain wrong. – And, come one now… Most of our judge-ie acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, friends or family didn’t know this existed until we walked into it. So, come on now… They aren’t suddenly experts.
The Traits That Attract a Sociopath To Us: Save Us
The very same goodness of heart that makes us attractive to a sociopath is what we then flip – and bring to life exponentially – to get safely and completely away. There, there is the real thing.
It takes a colossal effort. Courage, wisdom, persistence, patience, bravery to break from a kind of bondage; from an entrapment so immense it can’t be understood unless it’s been experienced.
Know This: If someone says it’s your fault, let them know they’re out of step; that evolution of humankind has progressed. Victim blaming is over. No, we’re not in denial. We’re believers in love. We believed that this involved love – until we didn’t. And now that we don’t – watch out. When we see it for the crime it is, there’s no place for the scamming-scum to run.
You Have to Live Through It to Understand It
The break-away from a sociopath is intense and so life-shattering it can never be understood unless you too are an escapee. – And that my friends, does not signify a weak victim, a codependent-door-mat, a denial or any such nonsense.
It signifies some of the hugest power, determination, and strength on the planet. We are awesome. We’re superheroes. We’re our own angels.
You Can’t Deny Something You Don’t Know Exists
Nope. We’re not in denial. If you don’t know this phenomenon exists, you can’t see it. And fortunatley when in it and after, our glorious bodies innately know a human can’t handle the monumental stress that comprehending this entails all one go. So – yes – clarity is meted out in doses only a beatific human of great empathy and love could handle.
Even tiny doses of what we went through would break anyone else. No, denial is nothing more than a river in Africa. A raging, pernicious river that every life stealing, narcissistic con man needs to be thrown into without a life jacket.
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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
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Fearless and free is the opposite of where we land after a sociopath. Long after the loser is gone we might have a lingering fear. This is the opposite of what we want to be, which is: happy as a lark!
Fearless and free is a place we make our way to… Are we still shaking and quaking long after they exit? Our freedom is really, really in our hands. Become fearless and free. And start singing our favorite tune!
There are two reasons why we might still be fearful: one maybe we still know too much about what the nutter is up to at this point in time – the other is not having a handle on what a sociopath really is and what that means – which causes the first.
We can restore our beautiful selves, with a renewed awareness of how amazing we are, new knowledge about life itself and the freedom to be fearless in love.
If we know what he or she is doing, where he is, or who his current main-scam is we know too much. If we know what they’re telling others about us this very week or month… we know way too much – Essentially we’re still in contact. And this means we are not yet fearless or free.
They know when we’ve truly cut them off, and they know when we haven’t. They feel it. Cut them loose completely. In case this has gone unnoticed, we’re the ones who end it, they do not. Only “no contact” stops them and sets us free.
After the masquerade is over, we’re “broken up”, separated, divorced – when the initial shock of ptsd is long past, but we have lingering fear we want to ask ourselves – why?
Though we may not be calling him or texting – if somehow we’re aware of his status and actions – sorry to say but – this constitutes “contact.” We can’t heal or recover while still in contact. This is a roadblock to healing.
For super-duper clarity, read here, What is No Contact? Here’s one tidbit: we’re checking his Facebook page… We’re still in contact, but for a brief period in the aftermath that canned normal for us to do.
How Do We Know What the Nut Job Sociopath is Up To?
Let’s be for real’s here, examining the source of the things we know about his or her doings. Is this info we come across on social media or wherever it might be directly from them… Posted by them? His Facebook? Her Instagram? — If we wanna get better, there comes the day we gotta get a hold of ourselves and get off their social media.
Their Co Called Friends Are Not Our Friends
We also can ask, ourselves, is the source of info about him or her coming from someone we still contact who has contact with him or her?! YIKES. Please consider this… Why are we still in touch with his “friends”?
Even if they were our friends first – sad to say but their trauma and entanglement with the predator means we’re at risk and wide open to the sociopath if we stay in touch with them.
Fearless and Free Includes Closing Every Opening to Them
Sad to say but we really must block them. Remove ourselves from the sociopath’s reach including portholes and windows and doors ajar through our friends who are now ensnared by them, and certainly from all “friends” the pathological user introduced us to. And finally, wherever it’s originating where ever we’re getting the news of his whereabouts – end it.
No Contact is about Freedom and Safety
Block whatever that source is in all our devices, on FB and everywhere. Get a new phone number, block his or her number and the phone number of anyone connected to them.
Sociopaths, and those pathological users some call a narcissist always have to move on, as in leave and change locations, change areas of town and maybe countries. Every scam and love fraud they undertake eventually blows up.Cutting our connection to them weakens their connection to us.
They know when we’ve truly cut them off, and they know when we haven’t. They feel it. Cut them loose completely. In case this has gone unnoticed, we’re the ones who end it, they do not. Only “no contact” stops them and sets us free.
Breaking Up With Evil, Book 1, Caryn: Flat Our Wrong
We’re Our Own Angels
We make the ending of this story… Healing and overcoming lingering fear after a sociopath is very much in our own hands. Find a perspective on the madness that lands things on the right side of “good”.
It’s critical that we begin to take in what a sociopath really is. We can’t allow sentimentality, romanticizing, or misplaced forgiveness to keep us bound to their harm.
Stand up. Take our lives back. Renew. Become whole and better than before. Give this to ourselves. – No one else can. And – we can. We truly are our own saving grace. Decide our lives are valuable enough. Claim them. Be fearless and free.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
Our own thoughts during PTSD freak us out. How can we think we’d want someone dead? It’s okay, it is fleeting and fine as long as we aren’t doing any killing.
PTSD after a sociopath is a full and whole body and mind experience. We find ourselves thinking and feeling things we’ve never experienced before. Among the mad and sad we can hardly acknowledge, there are seconds we wish they were d-e-a-d.
PTSD is a tangle of flooding, swirling emotions, and thoughts, and this is one of them. I wish they were just dead.
You don’t have to pretend that you don’t have this feeling if you’ve got it, nor feel guilty for it.
It’s our body is good and mad these life-stealing parasites – and rightly so.
The feeling is within a short phase of recovery, it doesn’t come up all day long in the way other thoughts or memories do and the phase doesn’t last too long. It’s normal. Don’t worry, this sickening thought will soon vanish.
This startling though passing thought, during a certain point in the odyssey of restoring your life which usually hits within in the first months of the recovery from a sociopath con man and the unavoidable PTSD can really freak us out.
This is because we’re normal. So, instead of thinking something is wrong with us for thinking this, rest assured we feel bad for feeling it is reassurance that we’re normal.
This thought comes to almost all our minds and to some of our lips after a sociopath splits the scene and we’re left swirling in a cesspool of lies, deceit, ruin and devastation, shock, and is usually about two months after they’ve gone if we’re moving along, on course in the phases of recovery.
Better Off Dead: Them That Is
We have every right to go through the emotions and the experience of putting our out-of-balance nervous system back together after our life was hijacked by a sociopath con man. Not many people talk about this – you can bet I will.
Images dance through our minds of how: Beaten, chopped up – mostly beaten. We’d kinda like to see them tortured slowly. I even briefly wondered how people hire hitmen.
And instantly knew I’d do no such thing. And if I did I’d be suspect number one: The ex-spouse.
At an odd moment, the thought might run past the viewing screen in your mind that we could maybe hire someone to kill them. That thought and doing something about it are lightyears apart.
We know we can’t; first of all, it’s seriously cost-prohibitive. (Yes, dark humor.) And secondly: We know we won’t do any such thing.
It’s a horrifying idea to feel, but die, sociopath, die are indeed terrible words that float up out of someplace in our body.
And a very normal thought in PTSD after a con man sociopath… Even if you’re calling them a narcopath or narcissist who has torn up our life. This feeling is so normal there’s a name for it: battered women’s syndrome.
Makes inr=e rethink the circumstances under which Lorena Bobbit cut of her sleeping husband’s penis with a kitchen knife in 1993. We all know it now: John Bobbit is a sociopath. Nobody knew or talked about that back then.
We have dreams during which someone – or we – kill them. We picture them being strangled or stoned to death. These life-stealing dirtbags have earned nothing less. Not all sociopaths beat their prey.
But emotional abuse does not go by harmlessly. When discovering we were ensnared by a sociopath; the deception, the mind-f**k, the house of cards. This is more than plenty to make us – naturally, instinctively form a very deep place in our lives – to want them dead during the normal-and-to-be-expected PTSD we go through.
Wishing the Narcissistic Sociopath Would Die is Normal: It’s Part of Healing
While it’s true the sociopath has no conscience, the fact is we do have a conscience. And feelings. And we really would not ever come remotely close to killing the bastard or bastardette. As surprised as we are at this thought… allow it. It’s okay. It’s natural. — This feeling passes quite quickly.
These out-of-character flashing thoughts occur during a brief part of the reaction to the trauma at their hands. It’s got a name. It’s called Battered Person Syndrome. Lorena gave her husband’s penis a whack 20 years ago, June 23, 1993.
Lorena faced court charges and trials and public scrutiny and then it was judged that she was under temporary insanity when she chopped off her hubby’s little, sleepy, dangling thingy with a kitchen knife.
The Trauma of The Hijacking Took Over Lorena Bobbit
Can you picture it? — Did she drop the knife and run when her cheating-beating-husband woke from a dead sleep screaming and spurting blood from his little sausage? Or, rather – from where it used to be? – We know she held onto his penis – later it was sewn back on.
Have questions and want real answers…? Think about recovery sessions.
We Feel Kinda Crazy and Kinda Guilty
If we’re smirking and enjoying this scenario does this make us cold and heartless?? No. It means we’re alive, and thank goodness we have a sense of humor.
Temporary insanity… For some of us, on some days, it feels like we might be losing our minds… But, really you’re going to be okay. Let’s open our hearts toward ourselves. Think of how you were genuine, sincere, and doing what normal people do. That’s all good.
What We Believe Makes Our Lives
And John Bobbit came out okay. He even got to star in a couple adult movies; all due to his hacked-off, patched-up penis. Yes, irony. Humor heals.
Be careful what you believe about your experience. Anything telling you it’s your fault is flat-out wrong. If the answers you find make more pain and confusion rather than a shock but a feeling in your gut of truth and resolution: Keep looking. There are real answers.
Go Beyond Answers or Explanations That Point to Fault in You
Seek out an accurate perspective on what these soul-jackings are. (Yes, that perspective is all over this website.) These are crimes. We were not in relationships and likely, neither was Lorena Bobbit.
Did you see that Bobbit guy’s photo? The face of a sociopath if there ever was one. John Bobbit has a criminal record before Lorena, during, and after Lorena for violence against women.
Know the Real Deal: Be Free
We want to refocus and look at it for what it was, a crime. The sociopath has a simplistic, myopic mind. They only care about two things: 1) getting what they want, and 2) not getting caught.
All the emotional upheaval we go through is the fallout of the way they bulldoze through countless targets’ worlds with their permanent view of life, which is: “I am better than everyone. I deserve whatever I want. I will take it. You will be grateful. You will shut up.”
Sociopaths believe they are fantastic. We know they’re monsters, and that we are not. So, no… No matter the dark surprising thoughts that rise up in a phase of the recovery. We won’t go around killing anyone.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control by Jennifer Smith
We’re going to look toward rebuilding our lives and using the madness to hopefully, ideally create something of value for ourselves and our loved ones. Within Nichiren Buddhism this is called: turning karma into mission. Transform the icky karma of meeting Mr. Poopy-pants into value – Lorena did it.
Lorena started an organization, called Lorena’s Red Wagon, that helps victims of domestic abuse with profoundly simple and equally significant things – like providing birthday cakes for the children of victims who have escaped, but are say, maybe in a shelter. I officially love Lorena Bobbit.
Our actions in challenging our destiny become examples and inspiration for countless others… When we change our karma into mission, we transform our destiny from playing a negative role to a positive one… Therefore those who keep advancing, while regarding everything as part of their mission proceed toward the goal of transforming their destiny. ~ Daisaku Ikeda, Living Buddhism, August 2003
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
A sociopath makes use of their children and ruins them for their own gain. Non-pathological narcissistic parents bring harm or pain from colossal to mild.
Nothing matters more to most parents than their children. Watching our children be hurt, or disappointed, ignored or treated badly is beyond heartbreaking. A parent who is a pathological sociopath – or a pathological narcissist – is something no child ought to have to endure or be subject to. Unfortunately, they do and they are.
The title of this article reads A Sociopath, a Narcissist and Their Children. I used the term “narcissist” to allow for those who feel they’re married to or dating a “narcissist” to find this information. In all realness: a pathological narcissist is a sociopath.
I’m going to take a few minutes here to explain this because this is so critical as it effects your children. This difference effects decisions you make for you and your children.
There’s so much to know that we don’t know we need to know. They aren’t what we think they are. Knowing the real-deal will set you free.
Knowing The Difference Between a “Narcissist” and Sociopathy Is Critical
The problem is that the ideas floating around in the recovery community about what people are calling a “narcissist” are very often inaccurate. This is not purposeful, but in the spirit of attempting to understand and to heal.
The mix up comes in confusing the pathologically narcissistic person with the non-pathological. In other words, people can have what I call “narcissistic glitches”, but not be “pathological”. Pathological is the case when the person’s brain is the cause of their bad behavior rather than the bad behavior being due to a bad childhood or intimacy issues or a “narcissistic wound”.
A Narcissist is Not a Wounded Kid Who Had a Bad Childhood
It’s so important to know what we’re facing. In order to unwind the confusion and untangle the pain, it really helps to discern if the person you’re facing is pathological in their narcissism or are in fact, suffering from a really bad childhood and horrible parenting.
A sociopath, or a narcissistic parent and their children… This delineation that we can make between a narcissistic parent or a bona fide sociopath matters so, so much when it comes to the kids.
A Sociopath in Behavior is a Sociopath in Fact
My thinking is, anyone who behaves like a sociopath is best thought of as a sociopath for our safety and recovery. Thinking of a sociopath – and that person you call a narcissist – as a sociopath is more useful in terms of decoding what is happening in a confusing, painful relationship.
Non Pathological Narcissistic Glitches
Narcissistic people who are not pathological – people with narcissistic bits or glitches but not hijacking you for all you are – are a variation of normal. What I call “narcissistic people” aren’t in the realm of a sociopath in that they are not pathological. The narcissistic person has some narcissistic hick-ups and it can be painful interacting with them at times, but they are not invading our lives like a parasite.
Even the most narcissistic of narcissistic people is not trying to take us for all we have. They aren’t leaving all the bills for us to pay; they don’t have that black bottomless set of eyes. – If the person you’re facing uses you for money, for a place to live, disappears or is unavailable, says odd things, is moody and darkly grumbling – and most definitely if you’ve ever seen those black eyes, then best think of them as a sociopath.
Life With a Narcissistic Person: Under Their Thumb
With a non-pathological narcissistic person, we feel under their thumb. We can feel like we just can’t win with them or there’s no pleasing them. Some non-pathological narcissistic people are barely narcissistic at all! Time with them, friendships and families can work.
The intensity of their narcissistic bit varies from narcissistic person to narcissistic person. This is light years away from a pathological narcissist: the sociopath. One is narcissistic from some sad bit of childhood or as a personality glitch. The other is pathological, and is willfully, deceptively, and deliberately making use of you. If you feel “broken”, they are pathological and a sociopath.
Life With a Sociopath: Under Their Spell
Within the adult dynamic of sociopath and human – predator and prey – (that’s the sociopath and us) we know things are weird, but we can’t figure out exactly what it is. We feel like they lie yet there’s so much we can’t put our finger on. Things run more smoothly if we keep quiet.
As long as a sociopath, a pathological user (that some call a “narcissist”) gets to keep doing what they want to do without any challenge, expectation, argument or opposition for us, things stay safely calm. Weird but calm.
With a sociopath, we feel as if we’re under their spell. There’s a big difference between a narcissistic person who is not pathological and the pathological narcissist aka the sociopath in a relationship. If we can get that sorted, we can then go on to understanding what the kids go through. We want to understand what this parent in question truly feels about the kids.
Breaking Up with Evil
“He’d give me the lecture and then go give the same one to my son. My son was left with the feeling he’d done something wrong…”
“When I did tell him I was pregnant, his attitude was a little off. He was extremely proud of himself for getting me pregnant, but his demeanor towards me was more like I had done what I was expected to do – get pregnant.” ~ Breaking Up with Evil, Chapter One, Caryn S.
Five women’s stories, “Dirty John” tales from real-life.
Our House Is No Longer Home
At home with a pathological user (the sociopath and that one you might call a “narcissist”) there are typically two variations of home life. The first is that they aren’t physically present very often with additional behavior that’s typical of this type. The second is they are there, a lot and even help with kids and make dinner.
Not Really Home
The sociopath who’s often gone from the physical home is also very busy when he is at home. They’re online a lot. They call this time online “work”, but most of us discover what they’re doing is watching porn and hunting prey.
They take the phone to the bathroom. They don’t participate in a real way with family life. We’re doing all the work. None of it is as fun as we want it to be, or thought it would be. We start to prefer them to be gone rather than be at home.
The Homebody Errand Boy
The other case is the sociopath who’s involved with the kids. They might drive the kids to school, and pick them up, and make their lunches and help with homework. They might run our erands, make dinner, and clean the house.
This looks good on the surface. And can seem good… yet inevitably there’s a time period where we talk to ourslves in our heads thinking we need them because how would we do all this without them?! Naturally – forgetting because we’re stunned in the fog of coercive control – that we did it all and did it better loong before we knew them.
Both situations have an oddness too them. We feel uncomfortable in the back of our mind, or pit of our stomach essentially, all the time. There are many problems in the house in both cases. Both include their rampant porn, confusion, money issues, uneasiness, unhappiness, deception, and issues related to our sex life with them.
A Darkness Prevails
This difference between a narcissistic person and a sociopath matters significantly. It matters so much in terms of the kids. A sociopath loves no one. The dark and heavy mood the sociopath (narcissist) makes within the household seeps into everything.
This is the case eventually, with both the absent sociopath or the homebody sociopath. The effort we have to take to keep things on balance, to keep things smooth and looking normal for the kids – all of it – is exhausting. We find ourselves not being truly present for our kids.
Kids Are Objects Too: Using Children
To a sociopath, their kids are just another target. Another toy on the table. A little something to use to make themselves appear normal. Additionally, kids provide a gate-way back into former prey. When we’re a parent and the other parent is a sociopath, we’re extremely vulnerable to letting that sociopath back in.
Sociopaths Pretend As a Way Of Life
Pathological users aka predators pretend to love their children. The sociopath can go unrecognized by courts, attornies, and can fool professional mental health specialists and psychologists. In therapy sessions they can be mistakenly perceived as bipolar, or as having PTSD – or as the total good guy. (Yes, fooled by those people who use the DSM to diagnose people.)
The misconceptions of what they are can lead to diagnosis or conclusions that they’re borderline – and holy-moley – covert, overt, or malignant narcissists. Which hello!… drum roll: plays out as a patholgoical person of narcissism behaving as a sociopath in daily life. Therefore, please think of a “narcissist” as a sociopath.
Sociopaths Make Loads of Kids They Do Not Love
It can seem illogical that socioapths – who hate kids – would have children at all. They abandon them, use them, abuse them. The children are a tool. This tool serves the purpose of leading other adults and people within society to view the sociopath or narcissist as normal and respectable.
When, in fact, male sociopaths abandon their kids fairly easily. Many kids. Often a trail of kids from many women. Female sociopaths have kids in marriage to appear normal as all sociopaths do. But more so, for the female sociopath they can use the kids as a meal ticket and a paycheck via alimony, child maintenance, property rights and more.
Kids and More Kids
We may not even know the number of children the particular sociopath who ensnared us has. They abandon them like litters of unwanted kittens. Here, a woman tells her story of discovering as an adult that she’s just one of eight children of her sociopath father.
The nutter I married has been discovered to have 18 known children and more like 23 that aren’t proven as his. But here’s what he told me about himself and children: 1) that he had no children, and 2) that he had 100s of kids all over the world, and 3) that he had a 4-year old little boy “for a little while” that he “gave back”.
A nonpathologically narcissistic person has the capacity to love. This is a person who is not pathological but has a tweak of emotional self-absorption in some area or other of their lives.
Narcissistic people do love their kids. There are days that their love hurts like h-e-double-toothpicks. And this informs many things about our lives as we grow up and become adults. It can be painful-love and not at all the best of parenting, but it’s our mom or dad. In divorce, nonpathological narcissistic parents can and will and do hang around out of genuine love.
It’s case by case and an individual experience as to whether this narcissistic parent’s love is enough for the children to remain in their lives. Each child weighs their fits of narcissistic glitches against the tiems that are good. Some narcissistic parents are just too much; too many narcissitic glitches that effect aspects of life or hurt too much to remain involved with. Others are not so bad.
Resolve and Solve Our Experience Based on Our Experience
The DSM and mental health diagnostic categories aren’t written for us. It’s for medical coding, court codes, social services and benefits coding. The DSM has no information that is the voice of or insight into our experience.
The DSM is ongoing, changing with the very heavy and slow machine of research and a very conservative industry. It’s a collection of notes made by an outsider looking at the bug. The bug… not at our experience.
So, if the person in question in your life lies, causes confusion and chaos, cheats, uses our money, contributes little or nothing, or only after arguments consider them a sociopath.
If they love bomb, blame, play victim, rage, insult, coerce, and in the end hoover us, consider them a sociopath for our purposes of escape and recovery.
A Few Differences: Narcissistic People vs. Sociopaths
Narcissistic people can have egos the size of elephants. Or not. People who are narcissistic can criticize and make hurtful “jokes”. Most especially this is hurtful to their families, but also to their employees, and other people in their lives. The non-pathological narcissistic person can sometimes – or regularly – say hurtful things in front of other people. The pathological narcissist (sociopath) will not, because they must seem like the good guy.
Narcissistic people are not pathological liars who are pretending to be people that they aren’t. Non pathological narcissistic people don’t live off of other people or make use of others as a way of life. This is what sociopaths do.
Sociopaths Use Others
Sociopaths – narcissists – only use others; they make use of others. Association with others who are neuro-normal, such as yourself leads other people to believe they’re respectable, authentic and genuine because you are.
Because you’re hanging out with the sociopath (narcissist) people believe they must also be a normal, and good person. For the predator, the narcissist aka sociopath, hanging with one person leads to access to another person to use. All the people around the sociopath (narcissist) are used as far and as much as the user can make this happen.
Sociopaths live in a false world built of lies. The lies paint a picture of a person that doesn’t exist. They deceptively and fraudulently misrepresent who they are and what they are in order to make use of others.
This is pathological in origin… meaning they do this because this is how they’re brains are wired. It’s not a choice: it’s what they are. It’s all they will ever be. It doesn’t change, it can’t be fixed. There is nothing about us that makes them do what they do.
This can be hard to observe, hard to take in, and is very hard to accept. Getting to this place of comprehension and a place of ease with this fact is where we go in recovery sessions. This takes us to a place where we see how the duding, deceiving, lying, cheating wasn’t about us as people but is wholly about them as people of complete and pathological narcissism.
Narcissistic people who are not pathological don’t have the abnormal brain that makes someone a sociopath. They do in fact, have feelings of like and love. Unfortunately, the parts of themselves that are unresolved pain and so then hung up in an emotional cycle of projection of this pain, can be painful to love.
No matter how nice or loving they may be in one moment the bottom-line is they want to be catered to regarding the elements that they are narcissistic about.
When they hurl criticism, some narcissistic parents know the extent of the pain they cause as their children’s hearts sink. Some kids remain unable to get out from under the parental grip of scanty affection peppered with dissapoinment, emotional neglect or emotional blackmail.
Narcissistic People as Parents
A narcissistic parent can cut kids to quick in a surprise attack. and are most of the time the genuinely loving. Or they may be so narcissistic that most of the time it’s painful and genuine love is rare.
When it’s our dad or our mom, we love them. We snuggle back into the parent-kid dynamic and then get punched again and again with hurtfulness. This can go on forever. Unless we step away.
Monsters in Human Skin: Sociopaths
A large percentage of sociopaths eventually abandon their children and most often abandon their children at a young age. Children are connected to a form of a paycheck or used to lend the monster the-look-of-normal.
Female sociopaths have kids as a paycheck. Many male sociopaths leave before the kid is born. Consider that a stroke of good fortune. For the ones who do stick around, love has nothing to do with it. Sociopaths (pathological narcissists) keep children in their lives only if they can make use of them.
Divorcing a Sociopath: Save the Children
In a divorce, a sociopath will claim they want custody of the children to make themselves appear normal. Male sociopaths will attempt to take the kids in order to get out of court orders child maintenance. Ironic since it’s much more of a financial demand to house, feed, and care for kids full time than to pay a monthly stipend. A monetary award by the way, that they do not payout.
If you’re going to court with a male sociopath and you have kids… that child maintenance money is what they’re trying to get out of.
They don’t want the kids, but they’ll fight you to take them in order to keep from being told by a Judge to pay money for the kids … that they don’t intend to pay. Because they don’t love or care about the kids. That is a sociopath. And this is something no one comes out of unharmed and no child deserves.
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach (CPC, CMC) upholding ICF standards and ethics, I strive to inform, educate, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.
