Tag Archives: do sociopaths love?

Do Sociopaths Know They’re Sociopaths?

The short answer is “yes”. So, yes – they know what they are, regardless of knowing the word “sociopath”, and yes, even as children they know they’re “different”, and “not like other people”.

In the words of a socioapth: I was no stranger to manipulating situations and people in order to get what I wanted, and strangely enough, all these extremely educated adults were extremely easy to manipulate circles around.

In my experience resolving the pain of entanglements for people all over the globe, I see it proven over and over and over again that they indeed know what they are and are this from youngest childhood.

I’ve had mothers write to me who have seen the strangeness of a baby who can’t connect in freshest infancy, and in toddlers with cruel behavior. I’ve had siblings of these alternate-children tell me of the fear at night that this brother or sister would creep into their room and kill them.

They do know what they are. And they simply are what they are. While you or I are thrown into a surreal nightmare under the spell of a sociopath and suffer profound trauma at the hands of a sociopath, the very same interaction is mundane to them. It’s even boring for a sociopath. They feel no trauma or harm or upset during the hijackings… The trauma for them is when we break away.

And for those wondering, why the heck is she saying they know this in childhood…? Because scientific research points to sociopaths being what they are due to very specific parts of the brain that don’t function from birth and as a result of what we would call abnormal microgenetic coding. It’s in their genes. There is no research I’ve found saying this is hereditary, but it’s in the genes of that embryo as it forms.

Sociopaths Are All They Can Be

At the same time, the sociopath feels a sense of achievement in these hijackings, deceptions, and misleads. This is because the way they are wired to behave and to survive: is to make use of others rather than connecting or caring. – When they entrap you they’re living out their purpose.

The pathological taker-user has pride in a job well done when they capture prey. They find not only money and places to stay and more, but also find pleasure and entertainment in scamming people. They’re in need of food to eat, and money in their grimy hands, this is so even for those dirtbags who also bring in some kind of paycheck.

A Pathological “Narcissist” is a Sociopath: There is Only One Monster

To get to the root of your situation, if you’re calling him or her a “narcissist”, consider throwing that idea away. The problem is found in the commonly attached beliefs about what a “narcissist” is.

Please keep looking, turning the kaleidoscope for the view that snaps missing puzzle pieces into place so that you can see them clearly and separately from your own great goodness.

If you believe that they’re jealous of us, want to be us, have a narcissistic wound, or have no self-love, toss that out before it takes you further from realizing what you really faced, and what you can truly do to recover and get them out of your bones.

I know this sounds scary to think they’re a sociopath, but I guarantee, it makes things easier, and clearer and allows for restoration of your life.

What is recovery for you?
What is winning in this nightmare?

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Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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Therapy is School for a Pathological Narcissist aka Sociopath

For the sociopath, therapy is at best an education in what matters to us and teaches them little tricks. They discover buttons to use us more. Agreeing to go to therapy makes them look normal and look good, or at least vulnerable and willing to get “help” which amounts to normal and good to nice, real people… and that is required in the sociopath’s way of life.

Going to counseling or therapy gets the sociopath (the pathologically narcissistic which some refer to as a narcissist) some pats on the head, dinners, and ice cream. They don’t want to be fixed. A sociopath doesn’t feel that there’s anything about them that needs fixing. They don’t think that the things they do are wrong. Not one bit of it.

Narcissistic Abuse Unwound: The Podcast

A Real-Life 30-Something Sociopath Tells their Story

Let’s see what a real-life 30-something sociopath has to say about therapy and “fixing” them with this pithy snip of reality in their own words complaining about being sent to therapy throughout their lives:

I’ve been through several therapists and in several psychiatric wards multiple times. In my youth one of my therapists would take me out for ice cream if I was good, so I “confessed” issues I was having and he took me to get double chocolate chip, but apparently he fell asleep on me once and so my parents didn’t let me see him anymore.

Then the second one I had seen twice, and I didn’t like how she always sided with my parents and I always got blamed for everything, so I told my parents I didn’t want to see her anymore.

The third one was a really nice guy, but was too nice and optimistic, and not very much of a realist. I genuinely liked the guy. But as a therapist he fed me too much happy bullshit. I ended up asking him more about his life and career. Talking about subjects that were irrelevant, and manipulating him to help me with my homework in his computer because we didn’t have one at home until I got into community college.

The fourth one I saw while I was homeless. I actually didn’t originally want to see, but she was very useful for things other than therapy, and she was extremely nice, so I consistently saw her. When I started seeing her in the transitional home I was in she was less attentive. And was on her phone most of the time. I had less use for her as time progressed, so I stopped seeing her. I completely forgot about her until just now.

Therapy never got me to address any issues, for me, it was always about blowing off steam, and then maybe my parents taking me out to eat afterward, my parents never actually gave a shit about working on anything, so I didn’t either.

Medications didn’t work either. It seemed like they would for one or two weeks then I’d stop feeling their effects all together, like I was actually controlling myself, but the medications made my thoughts hazy and made me moody and irritable. I’m actually much worse on meds than off.

In psychiatric wards, by the time I was 13 years old, I’d been to three psychiatric wards, two of them multiple times, so I had been to them enough to know the system and subconsciously that allowed me to be released because I hated it there. They were all about control and just suppressing your issues, not actually getting you to change for the better. And there was tons of violence and bullshit in there as well, and they were so filthy.

So, I just acted normal and complied to get what I wanted while in there, then I would get released in like a week or two every time. It was just going through the motions, as they say. I was always an exceptionally intelligent kid, and since I was constantly in these situations, I was no stranger to manipulating situations and people in order to get what I wanted, and strangely enough, all these extremely educated adults were extremely easy to manipulate circles around.

So in summation, the answer to your question is, yes, we don’t like having to devote our free time to therapy. It’s all purely a damn waste of our time and we don’t want to be there, so we will act normal to get out. ~ E.B., Self-Proclaimed Sociopath and Diagnosed Personality Disorder

Sociopaths Learn Tricks Like Lab Rats Learning Which Lever Gets the Cheese

Please notice the Subject above refers to the following situations that are indicative and an aspect of all sociopaths: “one of my therapists would take me out for ice cream when I was good so I “confessed” to issues I was having”, making up things he thinks the therapist wants to hear. And casually as if it’s unimportant: “when I was homeless”. And conscious deliberately “manipulated him to help me with my homework” and “…in order to get what I wanted…all these extremely educated adults were extremely easy to manipulate circles around”. These reflect the traits I mention frequently. That sociopaths don’t mind where they live, they don’t do their own work at school or on a job, and that they learn to use “buzz words” they pick up from us to sound “real” or normal. And that anyone can be drawn in by them, not understand what they are or not recognize them: even by those considered experts in the psych professions.

We’re Humans: The Sociopath Is Without Humanity

These abnormal-brained and therefore, pathological users aka pathological predators – sociopaths – know they think differently. This is not because they have any mental disability. – The sociopath – that life-stealing “narcissist” has a biologically different body and brain.

The “malignant narcissist”, the “overt” and the “covert”, and all the endlessly misleading NPD categories, are meant for clinical observations and medical prescriptions and prison sentencings rather than for your recovery… These entities function as sociopaths. Someone you think of as “having NPD” is a sociopath.

We’re much better off when we get to this reality and don’t expect them to be something they aren’t. They aren’t wounded souls. They don’t suffer from childhood abuse no matter the stories they tell you. If they were abused it didn’t make them what they are.

They Aren’t Who We Thought They Were

Here’s the surreal but freeing good news: there was no one who loved us and then treated us badly. There was a pathological parasitic predator who stunned us under their spell, invaded and used our lives in a deliberate, intentional fraud.

They truly live in a different universe than ours, while standing right next to us. They need you to not know what they are so that they can live and thrive.

Please, don’t give them that. Please keep looking, turning the kaleidoscope for the view that snaps missing puzzle pieces into place so that you can see them clearly and separately from your own great goodness.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.

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OG: 2018_09_20 REPUB 2023_07_26 UPDATE: 01_04_2024

Post Trauma Freak Out

Why Isn’t Love Enough?

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Is love all we need?
It might be… if we’re talking about
a relationship with a puppy.
So many things make our world,
but most of all it’s our beliefs
that shape our experiences.

We hear a lot of things about relationships, about marriage, and what makes them work; “love” is always the bottom line: “If you love each other.”

We also hear: relationships are hard work. And stories of love at first sight, or being swept off our feet. We’ve all heard the adage that says love conquers all, and have been told that all couples fight.

When things go wrong we’re counseled by well-meaning friends or family with things like boys will be boys. And you still might hear that a woman’s place is in the home. And when things are really rough someone might tell us, you made your bed, now lie in it. – To my way of thinking, “love” somehow got lost in here.

“Unconditional” Loves Makes Room for Bad Behavior

narcissists do not love narcissistic abuse

It’s said that true and real love is meant to be unconditional, as well as some who say the legal contract of marriage is phooey and, that it’s only a piece of paper.

There are so many expressions describing the experience of love, let’s look at more of them: we fall into it; we’re crazy in it. Sick with it, and: all’s fair in love and war.

If you think about it, you’ll come up with a barrel full and more of these platitudes floating around. We’ve all heard all of them. We all absorb them unconsciously, or believe them all the way.

I have to say, personally, none of these sentiments cause me to want to be hit by cupid’s arrow. A really important question to ask ourselves is: How do our beliefs about love help us and how do they cause us to suffer?

What Do These Metaphors Mean About Our Expectations in Relationships?

Relationships are Hard Work

Are they? Is this a fact..? I coined a slogan long ago from my own experience in relationships: when it’s right, it’s easy. – Isn’t this just as valid? – What’s “right” has to be factored in. We won’t get “easy” if we want different things when it comes to the big questions in life like where to live, how to live and having kids or not.

Honestly when it comes down to it things won’t last if we have different ideas of what’s funny, or favorite foods or eating styles. Vegan vs. fast food is not going to have many happy meals together. A smoker vs. a runner is going to have a short lap around the track at best.

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Love at First Sight

This is kinda romantic and yes, there can be a primal pull to someone, an attraction that goes deep, but actual l.o.v.e…? Not so much. That would take more time. Guess who wants us to think the real deal happens in one instant?

Swept Off Our Feet

Yes! That adrenaline rush and that floaty feeling like our feet left the floor and our head is full of clouds. That sounds very unstable. Like being out of control…and it is just that. This isn’t the time to jump into a commitment. It’s time to take a step back. It usually signifies something isn’t quite right, or isn’t really for us.

What Truly Conquers All in Life?

If only love conquered all. We love our dolls when we’re little; that doesn’t stop them from getting dirty or lost. Our goldfish captures our hearts; they still stink up the glass bowl and die anyway. Never being defeated by loss or grief, or life’s ups and downs, now that conquers all.

It’s Noble and Poetic to Stick Around No Matter What

William Shakespeare: Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov’d,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov’d.

Every Couple Fights

Do they…? First of all, what constitutes a fight? Screaming? Throwing things, ignoring us, calling us fat? Wwho would do that…? What the heck is there to fight about? In my experience, when it’s right it’s easy. There’s nothing to fight about.

Boys Will Be Boys

Really…? We know who likes this one. This palliative phrase echos another historical era, like when people thought the earth was flat, and believed if we walked far enough we’d fall off the edge. Boys need to eventually be men. And men and boys will be held accountable. If they are subhuman as a pathological user then, bye-bye.

A Woman’s Place is in the Home

Hey, I love home. Home is where the heart is. And as women we have a place outside the home too. Again, the earth is no longer flat and girdles are not required.

You Made Your Bed

Life is about creating what ever we want. We’re never stuck in any one place. This is from those flat-earth and earlier beliefs. When women were property and even as near to now as the 1980’s when women had to fight to get a bank loan to by a house on their own.

Our Beliefs About Love Create Our Experience

It’s Only a Piece of Paper

As if marriage is unimportant and the legalities and life changing effects therein are “only a piece of paper”. Nope. A marriage certificate is not “only a piece of paper.” In legalities alone there are many, many binding alterations to our life. Those are in place until we divorce them. That nightmare-ish process is another can of legal worms, and includes myriad little pieces of paper I’m sure most of us hold in high esteem.

And then in real life terms being a wife or husband is entirely another realm than boyfriend territory even if you live together. Anyone who’s been married knows the experience of that something that kicks in that makes everything different. This is a life bond.

Marriage, from an emotional or spiritual and legal stand point is far beyond a piece of paper, even if we don’t know that until we experience it.

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If It’s Real It’s Unconditional

This sentiment is a bizarre notion. To me it signifies a free hall pass to any and all (bad) behavior within a relationship. Nope. Not a good idea.

Unconditional acceptance is for babies, actual infants, not grown men and women. Pathological predators depend heavily on our concept of this kind of love in order to use us. To me unconditional love is reserved for babies and puppies, so to speak.

We’re “Crazy In Love”

The pathological predator, a sociopath is incapable of feeling love. Love is nothing to a sociopath. We are their prey. They are dependent upon us. There’s no love going on here.

This expression about how it feels to love is natural. It can seem whirlwind and so exciting and we’re crazy about them! What we’re discovering is that there are situations that are full of chaos, trauma and legitimate fear. This is not “crazy in love” this is the trauma of being involved in anyway with a pathological user.

In the aftermath of this mess, when we talk about our feelings to others, they’re cool at first – maybe. Typically at a certain point things flip and we get a sense hat they think we’re crazy. Being entangled into a fake-latioinship by a sociopath feels like crazy and we start to think we’re crazy. We aren’t crazy. Recovery from crazy is possible.

We “Fall Into” Love

Fall…? Remember falling…? Like from childhood. Falling, was bad. It hurt. It was a loss of control, an absence of safety. A lack of choice. An accident. Traumatic. Falling happened to us, we didn’t decide to do it. How is this related to love…? Does this concept need to be a part of our ideas about how we love?

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We’re “Sick” with Love

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to be sick with anything. I get it, that longing that aches and is the pain of wanting someone. Especially if they go out of town, or already have a girlfriend or boyfriend, or they don’t seem to notice us. But – uhh – that was high school.

All’s Fair in Love …and War

Where the heck did that come from? Come on. No. It isn’t. Personally, I think there’s nothing fair whatsoever in war. And I firmly believe that all is meant to be fair in love unless you’re meaning it’s fair to lie. Nope: that’s not fair at all. That’s criminal.

Why Isn’t Love Enough?

The nasty pathological predator counts on our surrender to love, our complete trust in love combined with our lack of understanding that this kind of predator exists and what that means.

They depend on us buying into the idea that we’re blinded by it; that it’s enough, that love doesn’t question, that it never dies, that if it’s “true”, it lasts forever and until death do us part. In reality with a pathological predator, such as a narcopath (a sociopath), it was never there and we typically only know that after they’ve parted us from our health, money, property, sanity and dignity.

Are There Other Ways to Conceptualize and Live Out Love?

How many concepts of love can you think of? There’s a fool for it, and that other person is our better half. We’ve all heard what’s his name from that movie say: you complete me. – Sorry Tom, but that’s just not our job.

Make a list of as many ideas stuffed into little idioms or platitudes that you can think of. Then think baout how they contribute to confusion or maybe pain. Then check out the TED talk below for some great ones and alternatives for new ways to think about and experience love.

What If We Think About Matters of the Heart a New Way?

What if we thought of love differently? For example, as something we partnered in? Or stepped or walked into rather than fell into? If we turned the popular concepts we live from into new thinking, such as: we collaborate in love? That we create it, build it. Grow into it and within it. Choose it and harmonize in it. Imagine if those feelings of love could be enough if we thought of them in a new way.

Here’s a great TED Talk discussing how we think of love and how this shapes our experience of love, Just like with all things in life: from our perspective, our expectations, our beliefs that determine and give us the fortitude and wisdom to conquer all.

Mandy Len Catron – A Better Way to Talk About Love

Ms. Catron works with words and language and talks about how we think of love as a form of madness, and metal illness, and it’s full of violence and we fall into it, and are smitten by it as a vengeance from an angry God. What if instead, love were a collaborative work of art?

Love Is How and What We Make It

The pathological predator, a sociopath is incapable of feeling love. Love is nothing to a sociopath. We are their prey. They are dependent upon us. There’s no love going on here.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Look into guided recovery coaching here.

Feel free to email me for coaching at personalized rates, jennifer@truelovescam.com

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Affiliate links are in every True Love Scam Recovery article. Clicks on these links provide minor compensation to keep the site running. www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.

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2017_02_11 2021_10_08

Why Are Sociopaths Called Antisocial?

Sociopaths are called antisocial because – hold onto your hats – there’s more than one meaning of the word antisocial! In their case, it doesn’t mean being shy or reluctant to be with others in a group setting. Amazing. Who’d a thunk it.

One of the myriad roadblocks to realizing just what it is we’re facing is misinterpreting or not understanding the meaning of this little word: “antisocial”.

Defining What the Antisocial Is In A Sociopath

guided coaching recovery after narcissistic abuse

This little four-syllable word – that people assume they already know the meaning to – trips people up. It’s natural to think it doesn’t make sense because the guy or gal in their living nightmare is very “social” rather than “antisocial” and doesn’t like parties or have many friends or some such.

This notion that you know what the word means -as applied to this kind of deceptive and ruinous human without a conscience – keeps far too many people from investigating more deeply into who and what it is they have gotten entangled with.

So then, in turn, they look to the other concepts floating around online and on social media to explain this person’s heinous behavior. Most commonly landing on “narcissist”.

Add in these other terms out there: narc, narcopath, and the narcissist in all its varieties, well, this falsely assures far too many people for too long that they’re only in love with a “narcissist” when in fact… It’s much, much worse. And more confusing, because some definitions and platitudes out there are related to a sociopath yet described under the name “narcissist”, and other describing factors are 100% off the mark. Very confusing… and delays recovery.

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Defining “Antisocial”

Here it goes, here’s a definition of this sticky little word antisocial from the Oxford English Dictionary – the most massive, most amazing dictionary on the planet. There are two definitions.

Opposed to sociability; averse to companionship.
Opposed to the principles on which society is constituted.

Definition number one above, of the word “antisocial”, is the one we’re most familiar with. It’s the one that gets us saying, no they can’t be a sociopath because they have friends. And also we think, she’s really fun at BBQs! Or, yeah but he’s around people all the time. They love going out! So, they can’t be an “antisocial psychopath”. – I get that. But there’s more.

Definition Number Two Describes the Sociopath

Definition number two pertains to the clinical term related to a sociopath, an antisocial psychopath, or a person of antisocial personality disorder, as defined by the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition).

Breaking Up With Evil

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

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Antisocial Psychopaths Are Sociopaths aka Psychopaths

As described by David Porter, MA, LAD: “The term antisocial may be confusing to the lay public, as the more common definition outside of clinical usage is an individual who is a loner or socially isolated.

The literal meaning of the word antisocial can be more descriptive to both the lay public and professionals: to be anti-social, is to be against society; against rules, norms, laws, and acceptable behavior. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder tend to be charismatic, attractive, and very good at obtaining sympathy from others; for example, describing themselves as the victim of injustice. …

Antisocials possess a superficial charm, they can be thoughtful an dcunning and have an intuitive ability to rapidly observe and analyze others, determine their needs and preferences, and present it in a manner to facilitate manipulation and exploitation. They are able to harm and use other people in this manner, without remorse, guilt, shame, or regret.”
~ Theravive, by David Porter, MA, LAD (They also think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.)

Modern Languages Come from Latin: Anti Means: Against

Our words for medical diagnosis and terminology as well as a huge part of our everyday English language come from ancient, toga-wearing people who spoke Latin in ye-olde-school, ancient Rome. Lots of beginnings and endings and even middle sections of our words are Latin.

The beginnings of words are called: “prefixes”; here’s a bunch: anti, post, sub, pre, non as beginnings. You can probably think of some right off the bat: Substitute, post-trauma, predetermined, nonexistent. Interested in language, read more about Latin roots, suffixes, and prefixes.

Also here are some endings you know in everyday language but might not have known that they’re Latin. We call these “suffixes”. Here’s a few: ment, as in “supple-ment”; ify, as in ver-ify and ident-ify; ation, as in perfor-ation and restor-ation; able, as in “cap-able”. There are tons.

Your way out of the maze…

English is Derived from Older English and Latin

Anti is a word straight out of Latin and Rome. If you put the word anti into Google Translate and select the translation from English into Latin, you know what you get? – Anti.

Anti in English is anti in Latin. In old-school Latin anti means: to be or to go against (something), to be outside (of something), or opposed (to something).

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4nf8gnREsoc7HGdhQTibHv?si=pnj6AVvpSGW2UmUefMRmwA

ASPD and Antisocial Psychopaths Refer to Con Artists, Scammers, and Yes: Killers

So…antisocial psychopaths or persons of antisocial personality disorder, don’t mind parties at all, they kinda thrive on being social and any place with lots of people, including online, is the prime hunting ground. They need us and others so, so much.

Sociopaths are called antisocial because they function against and outside of normal, expected behavior. These people do things without thinking twice that we’d never even conceived of doing, much less do and behave in an anti- (against) social- (society) manner. Their behavior goes against the grain of what’s okay. And boy-howdy… Don’t they…?

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Our Safety Is Most Important

So let me ask you… Does it help to get to the bottom of your bizarre, painful, and dire situation to think of them as just a narcissist? Or would there be more life-saving, pain prevention, and protection in diving in and stripping things down?

Ponder the realities and consider if this view would get more done for your safety and recovery: Looking at it from the point of view that this person will do anything they can think of doing in order to make use of you, or to get whatever they want, and to have things their way and to not be stopped. – That my friend is a sociopath: they function outside of and against the expected and accepted norms of society.

We Win

They need us. We do not need them. This is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. The number one concern is that you clear the fog and protect your life. They have been through this break-up many, many, many times before and will again and again long after they’ve ridden off into the sunset.

As we explore removing them from our lives and then restoration: we don’t need to pretend they’re normal; they know what they are. – That said, keep your discoveries to yourself and end the entanglement safely. They need us; we don’t need them.