Doctor, lawyer, conman, thief. No matter what they pose as a pathological parasitic predator is still a con man. Pretending to be a normal human pretending do a job. Look again…See through the facade.
We meet this new gorgeous woman, or cool kind of bloke, and think, this guy is amazing! and she’s incredible! And it really seems they are. The most frequent thing people think when confronted and sucked in by a con artist is: this guy (gal) has done more in one lifetime than most people could do in twenty lifetimes!!
He’s a doctor or a lawyer. She’s a baker, in real estate, or teaches math… Well kind of. Here’s the thing, if they’re a pathological user or a person of pathological sociopathy their real full-time job is something else.
Then, they’re a person pretending to be a person pretending to do that job they get a paycheck from.
But – since you didn’t know about sociopathic liars, you believe them. And paint a very rosy story to go with their words that fill in the details of how amazing they are.
Our own thoughts during PTSD freak us out. How can we think we’d want someone dead? It’s okay, it is fleeting and fine as long as we aren’t doing any killing.
PTSD after a sociopath is a full and whole body and mind experience. We find ourselves thinking and feeling things we’ve never experienced before. Among the mad and sad we can hardly acknowledge, there are seconds we wish they were d-e-a-d.
PTSD is a tangle of flooding, swirling emotions, and thoughts, and this is one of them. I wish they were just dead.
You don’t have to pretend that you don’t have this feeling if you’ve got it, nor feel guilty for it.
It’s our body is good and mad these life-stealing parasites – and rightly so.
The feeling is within a short phase of recovery, it doesn’t come up all day long in the way other thoughts or memories do and the phase doesn’t last too long. It’s normal. Don’t worry, this sickening thought will soon vanish.
This startling though passing thought, during a certain point in the odyssey of restoring your life which usually hits within in the first months of the recovery from a sociopath con man and the unavoidable PTSD can really freak us out.
This is because we’re normal. So, instead of thinking something is wrong with us for thinking this, rest assured we feel bad for feeling it is reassurance that we’re normal.
This thought comes to almost all our minds and to some of our lips after a sociopath splits the scene and we’re left swirling in a cesspool of lies, deceit, ruin and devastation, shock, and is usually about two months after they’ve gone if we’re moving along, on course in the phases of recovery.
Better Off Dead: Them That Is
We have every right to go through the emotions and the experience of putting our out-of-balance nervous system back together after our life was hijacked by a sociopath con man. Not many people talk about this – you can bet I will.
Images dance through our minds of how: Beaten, chopped up – mostly beaten. We’d kinda like to see them tortured slowly. I even briefly wondered how people hire hitmen.
And instantly knew I’d do no such thing. And if I did I’d be suspect number one: The ex-spouse.
At an odd moment, the thought might run past the viewing screen in your mind that we could maybe hire someone to kill them. That thought and doing something about it are lightyears apart.
We know we can’t; first of all, it’s seriously cost-prohibitive. (Yes, dark humor.) And secondly: We know we won’t do any such thing.
It’s a horrifying idea to feel, but die, sociopath, die are indeed terrible words that float up out of someplace in our body.
And a very normal thought in PTSD after a con man sociopath… Even if you’re calling them a narcopath or narcissist who has torn up our life. This feeling is so normal there’s a name for it: battered women’s syndrome.
Makes inr=e rethink the circumstances under which Lorena Bobbit cut of her sleeping husband’s penis with a kitchen knife in 1993. We all know it now: John Bobbit is a sociopath. Nobody knew or talked about that back then.
We have dreams during which someone – or we – kill them. We picture them being strangled or stoned to death. These life-stealing dirtbags have earned nothing less. Not all sociopaths beat their prey.
But emotional abuse does not go by harmlessly. When discovering we were ensnared by a sociopath; the deception, the mind-f**k, the house of cards. This is more than plenty to make us – naturally, instinctively form a very deep place in our lives – to want them dead during the normal-and-to-be-expected PTSD we go through.
Wishing the Narcissistic Sociopath Would Die is Normal: It’s Part of Healing
While it’s true the sociopath has no conscience, the fact is we do have a conscience. And feelings. And we really would not ever come remotely close to killing the bastard or bastardette. As surprised as we are at this thought… allow it. It’s okay. It’s natural. — This feeling passes quite quickly.
These out-of-character flashing thoughts occur during a brief part of the reaction to the trauma at their hands. It’s got a name. It’s called Battered Person Syndrome. Lorena gave her husband’s penis a whack 20 years ago, June 23, 1993.
Lorena faced court charges and trials and public scrutiny and then it was judged that she was under temporary insanity when she chopped off her hubby’s little, sleepy, dangling thingy with a kitchen knife.
The Trauma of The Hijacking Took Over Lorena Bobbit
Can you picture it? — Did she drop the knife and run when her cheating-beating-husband woke from a dead sleep screaming and spurting blood from his little sausage? Or, rather – from where it used to be? – We know she held onto his penis – later it was sewn back on.
Have questions and want real answers…? Think about recovery sessions.
We Feel Kinda Crazy and Kinda Guilty
If we’re smirking and enjoying this scenario does this make us cold and heartless?? No. It means we’re alive, and thank goodness we have a sense of humor.
Temporary insanity… For some of us, on some days, it feels like we might be losing our minds… But, really you’re going to be okay. Let’s open our hearts toward ourselves. Think of how you were genuine, sincere, and doing what normal people do. That’s all good.
What We Believe Makes Our Lives
And John Bobbit came out okay. He even got to star in a couple adult movies; all due to his hacked-off, patched-up penis. Yes, irony. Humor heals.
Be careful what you believe about your experience. Anything telling you it’s your fault is flat-out wrong. If the answers you find make more pain and confusion rather than a shock but a feeling in your gut of truth and resolution: Keep looking. There are real answers.
Go Beyond Answers or Explanations That Point to Fault in You
Seek out an accurate perspective on what these soul-jackings are. (Yes, that perspective is all over this website.) These are crimes. We were not in relationships and likely, neither was Lorena Bobbit.
Did you see that Bobbit guy’s photo? The face of a sociopath if there ever was one. John Bobbit has a criminal record before Lorena, during, and after Lorena for violence against women.
Know the Real Deal: Be Free
We want to refocus and look at it for what it was, a crime. The sociopath has a simplistic, myopic mind. They only care about two things: 1) getting what they want, and 2) not getting caught.
All the emotional upheaval we go through is the fallout of the way they bulldoze through countless targets’ worlds with their permanent view of life, which is: “I am better than everyone. I deserve whatever I want. I will take it. You will be grateful. You will shut up.”
Sociopaths believe they are fantastic. We know they’re monsters, and that we are not. So, no… No matter the dark surprising thoughts that rise up in a phase of the recovery. We won’t go around killing anyone.
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control by Jennifer Smith
We’re going to look toward rebuilding our lives and using the madness to hopefully, ideally create something of value for ourselves and our loved ones. Within Nichiren Buddhism this is called: turning karma into mission. Transform the icky karma of meeting Mr. Poopy-pants into value – Lorena did it.
Lorena started an organization, called Lorena’s Red Wagon, that helps victims of domestic abuse with profoundly simple and equally significant things – like providing birthday cakes for the children of victims who have escaped, but are say, maybe in a shelter. I officially love Lorena Bobbit.
Our actions in challenging our destiny become examples and inspiration for countless others… When we change our karma into mission, we transform our destiny from playing a negative role to a positive one… Therefore those who keep advancing, while regarding everything as part of their mission proceed toward the goal of transforming their destiny. ~ Daisaku Ikeda, Living Buddhism, August 2003
Add these to your contacts so you don’t miss a newsletter! jennifer@truelovescam.com info@truelovescam.com
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
What can I do? My friend thinks she’s engaged to her dream man. They moved in together. He cheated, she kicked him out. He got arrested. She ran back to him. Classic.
Sociopaths suck us back in with their needs and trouble. They come up with fake illnesses or bogus victim stories – or create major and very real drama. They are more important than us.
Sociopaths, or narcissists are a whirlwind of chaos when they’re in our lives. The deception has no limits, they know no boundaries. They steal and lie and assault and abuse. They ruin lives.
I can’t believe my friend has fallen into the clutches of a freak-sociopath! – And, then again, I can.
She’s exactly the kind of normal human a sociopath hunts: magnanimous, loyal, determined, strong, smart, loving. And to leave an entry way for his deception, she’d recently been through prfound loss and grief. Paradoxically she was at a peak in the game of life.
She’s at a pivotal point in making a career and finishing huge accomplishments. Being the lazy incapable creatures they are, sociopaths, predators are interested in riding on the upswing in our lives so they can suck the life out of it and get all the goodies.
Sociopaths Target Normal Humans
For obvious reason parasitic predators prefer unwitting hosts who are by nature and character loyal, trusting, forgiving people. They focus in when they com across those who invest in relationships above having casual relationships if they need longer term security in housing or getting bills paid. They look for our natural empahty – the characteristic we thrive within as normal humans.
In other words, they’re looking for regular normal humans who are wired as such. Empathy is one of the first things they need to tap. In the early moments there’s a “test” for empathy; they tell a story about their own victimization, such as abuse as a child. It’s usually a lie, and certainly not a piece of what makes them what they are.
This particular lie is an to probe for and to test our reaction. If we’re sympathetic to the correct degree they know they can leach us dry. Sociopaths – and the ones you might be calling a narcissist who are actually pathological – are attracted to strong, loving, responsible, hard workers who strive as achievers. Very often the nab us when we’re at a good place in their lives. They are drawn to the smell of our success… it equals pay-day and jack-pot to them.
“Often very smart, successful people fall for their scams — and then the sociopath has more to gain. What is socially seen as more respect, more money, entree to broader circles of a caliber they might not reach on their own; the associates and colleagues of the person they’re scamming.”
Sociopaths scramble the brains of their prey. It’s a brainwashing. A hostage set-up. What do we do when people we love, love sociopaths? What do we do when we have the horrible realization: my friend is dating a sociopath. Would a friend dating a sociopath believe us if we bring out the truth behind the sociopath’s lies?
It seems to me if my friend is dating a sociopath and I make negative reports of her beloved – she’s going to ignore me or feel betrayed by me and in both cases hold tighter to the sociopath.
Damage All-Around
It breaks my heart to know first hand the damage being done and the grief to come. Should we just tell our friends: Hey, by the way, he’s a sociopath. – And then point out all the obvious things like sociopaths are liars and bad actors. Sociopaths have a zillion women at once.
And the difference between just supporting our friend, hinting he’s not good enough for her, or straight out breaking the: your man is a sociopath, significant news. Do we say something?
Here’s What I Watched Happen: My friend hung onto him, she got fired from her job. She was evicted from the house they were renting. Her phone was cancelled for non-payment. Some of her belongings were “stolen.” She lost friends. She got pregnant by him, then had a miscarriage. She ignored her own life in favor of doing his bidding – without being asked. She spent all her energy on him. Chaos and drama were on the menu night and day.
Friends Dating a Sociopath Need True Friends
Stand by. Listen. Be there. Never judge. Study what a sociopath is. Study up on what normal humans do in normal relationships and realize our friend believed this was normal and while participating in “normal” the road became more and more twisted because – without them knowing it – nothing was normal.
With a sociopath we start out on a road we think is a mutual path paved with love into our own gorgeous land of harmony and possibility that exists because that’s what the two of us are “together.” There’s sunshine, birds singing, rainbows – but no rain – pots of gold, blue skies, and hearts dancing and flitting around our heads like butterflies.
We Feel Like Heaven
Our world feels like nirvana, heaven – the jackpot – the perfect life. We’re all in. Our new address is cloud nine. We relationship build, give, make, bake, create, fix, move forward, climb mountains to make things happen for us – because that’s what one does in fantastic relationships.
Without realizing it, we’re not making a magnificent masterpiece of a life on a bicycle built for two – we’re digging a gnarled, dark, deep, tangled hole into the center of hell – where we’re headed all by ourselves.
A View From the Rear
We see this just as the sociopath trips off into his own disgusting future with all our things on his back in a rotting knapsack we mistook for his beautiful soul. The life-shattering shock of realizing all was a lie has no words to tell it.
Maintain confidence in our friends and their life. Give them the benefit of the doubt. – Have hope that is unshakable – a hope that is utter confidence that the very traits of goodness and loyalty he chose her for will save her escape from him. And I remember: There is always possibility in the morning.
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
The stress and trauma do more than sap our confidence. It can ravage our health… both in men and women. Candida fungus grows and grows to make more exhaustion and “sad” on top of the PTSD.
As annoying as yeast infections are, what brings them on and keeps them roiling does far more than make us itchy. Let’s not get hung up on the very icky word “fungus”. – And don’t think men are exempt! Candida lives within all of our bodies, its home is the intestinal tract.
Candida is indeed a fungus, though we often hear candida referred to as a bacteria. And yes, men and women alike can suffer from too much of this little gem that keeps sour systems running smoothly, in addition, for the ladies… Ooooh my, the thing behind infamous bothersome, seemingly unending “yeast infections” is actually this darling fungus, Candida Albicans or candida, for short.
Candida is Normal: Too Much Candida Makes Us Sick
We need candida in our system, as with most things, there’s a proper balance for optimum conditions.
It’s the overpopulation of candida that causes problems. Too much of this charming fungus and as women, we’re buying so much Vagisil we wish we’d bought stock.
And to make things more complicated… and yet – more simple, there is a whole bundle of symptoms, discomforts, and diseases that can develop from candida fungi aside from the good old yeast infection. Let’s find out how to manage this mess and get things back in balance.
Most of these troubles candida causes play a part in the PTSD orchestra too: depression, fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate, indecision, foggy brain, I-can’t get-up-off-the-couch syndrome, and UTIs. So that means a double dose of each of those.
Breaking Up With Evil
Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon
Five women’s true stories of being ensnared hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.
Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.
Candida lives in our intestinal tract, we need it in a certain amount for good health. There are good candida levels and bad candida levels. When the candida overpopulation hits a certain high we crash super low.
Why does this matter right now!? We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, and we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now.
Narcissistic Abuse is a Whole Body Experience
Stress makes candida. Sugar increases candida. Hormones grow candida. Processed foods are a buffet for candida. Caffeine stimulates candida. Alcohol is a party and all the candida shows up and makes more candida. Why does this matter right now!?
We have enough goin’ on! Stressed, and too freaked out to eat anything but donuts and Doritos, we need a drink to fall asleep. — This is exactly why this matters a whole lot right now. We can fix it. If we don’t, we’re headed for trouble.
Grains and simple carbohydrates, potatoes, pasta, pastries
Processed food
Prepackaged food
Preservatives
Non-organic foods grown with Round Up and chemicals
Grief
Stress
Trauma
And con men, the trauma and stress of narcissistic abuse
Hormones on the Monthly and Hormones from Trauma
Every monthly cycle as our hormones swing, candida grows. The antibiotics we take for related yeast infections and UTIs cause more candida to grow. Candida levels remain high and continue to escalate month to month, stress to stress.
And good-old candida lives off the things we tend to live off of when under PMS or stress, like sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. Like any proper organism, candida is driven to self-perpetuate. That’s one big reason we crave these goodies. Our body is begging for it.
Conditions and Illness from Candida Overgrowth
Depression
Exhaustion
Anxiety Allergies
Lethargy
Confusion
Chronic Fatigue
Weepiness
Hopelessness
Lack of vitality
Sadness
Nail fungus
Fibromyalgia
Heart Failure
How to Reduce Candida
It’s essential we kill off candida and get healthy. You might lose weight on this cleansing, restorative diet. If you lose too much, eat more! If foods aren’t okay on this list, don’t eat them. Maybe consult a great doctor, especially a classical homeopath or a nutritionist.
Eat foods that naturally contain prebiotics and take supplemental probiotics
Eat foods containing probiotics and consider supplemental probiotics. This link goes to my favorite
Start walking, amd keep walking; 30 to 60 minutes a day will change your life
If taking antibiotics as a medical prescription, take prebiotics at alternate hours
Seek and use alternate holistic health practices
Begin to drink eight glasses to twelve glasses of water a day
Lay off sugar
Lay off alcohol
Lay off the junk fast food and processed food
6-Week Candida Cleanse Diet
This is a strict all-out-kill-the-candida suggested diet. It is hard to maintain unless we eat close to this already. It isn’t necessary to go this extreme unless we’re really, really sick with candida.
Eat Healthfully for Reduced Candida
You’ll want to add in greens, and more greens… they’re delish even for breakfast! Here’s a list of the amazing greens available and there are plenty more of them I’m missing.
Spinach
All chards, red and green
Kales, baby, Italian and all
Turnip greens
Beet greens
Collard and dandelion greens
And then more of what we call cruciferous veggies:
Cabbage, red and green
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
And more beautiful natural foods that naturally balance and nourish our bodies!
Avocado
And all lettuces
Vegetables without high sugar: reduce carrots, beets, and peas
Grapefruit whole and fresh-squeezed juice
Lemons and limes
Cooking and salad and dressing oils:
Olive oil
Avocado oil
Coconut oil
Almond oil
Sunflower oil (beats the price of olive oil hands down)
Greens are a Prebiotic Signalling Our Immune System to Reset and Strengthen
All these greens are super important. They’re known as prebiotics, trigger our immune system, and keep candida from overgrowing in the first place. Eating plants triggers our immune system to strengthen itself. Another surprising prebiotic is raw sauerkraut. Wheat flour can be substituted for coconut, almond, cassava, and tapioca flour. Crackers that are not candida makers can be found in brands such as. Flackers, and Jilz.
As far as meat-eating: if you can swing the price, eat grass-fed, pasture-raised and wild-caught, all-organic
Dairy: stick with pasture-raised eggs, goat milk yogurt, imported French butter, as in made in France, and eat only northern European cheeses
Water, water, water…Fresh lemon juice in water daily
Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water, one tablespoon to two tablespoons
Water: 8 glasses a day (did I say water?)
Green juices, especially lower natural sugar so, without apple, carrot or beet
Any raw juice is turned into a refreshing sprlky drink when mixed with fizzy water
Grapefruit juice, freshly squeezed or eat the grapefruit itself
Herbal teas
Modify this as you like, and remember killing off Candida – unless we also take Candex – makes us feel sick! Irony. It takes several days to detox, let the candida die off, and the headaches, flu-like symptoms, and fatigue to lift.
Eating Methodology That Naturally Regulates Candida
An excellent diet for great health and minimal candida growth is the Plant Paradox, by Dr. Steven Gundry. For a great current blog written by a Plant Paradox diet devotee, as she makes grocery and shopping finds, and creates recipes and hacks, you might want to follow along! Keep in mind Dr. Gundry’s “plan” isn’t easy to stick to, it takes truly altering your life in a few ways from grocery shopping, to recipes, to cooking methods, to the zooming grocery bills. But: it works.
Another similar and helpful method of eating is referred to as FODMAP. Both Plant Paradox and FODMAP reduce intestinal bloating and acid reflux. FODMAP could be a bit easier to take on and likely has fewer changes to what you might eat now than the Plant Paradox.
Make Things Tastier Than Tasty!
Use calm herbs like parsley, rosemary, tarragon, dill, oregano, thyme caraway, and citrus juices or zest to flavor foods.
Avoid “sweeter” vegetables as you embark on the candida clear-out such as corn, beets, carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, peas. They can be eaten once in a while, once you get things in the candida department sorted.
Eating sugar… added sugars, well, my friend, sugars are not our friends. Avoid table sugar, molasses, honey, agave, maple syrup, jelly, jam, or any sweetener.
And please put these aside for now: white rice, white potatoes, pasta, popcorn, pastries, white flour, caffeine, alcohol, vinegar, hot spices, and fermented drinks, including kombucha and beer.
Making these changes is a challenge! It can be tedious. Do your best day by day. You might feel sick as the candida “dies off”. To avoid feeling so sick you’d rather go eat a box of donuts because you feel so sick as the candida dies off, try Candex.
Candex Kills Off Candida
To support candida reduction and ease feeling sick take Candex. Candex kills the candida, even if you’re finding diet changes difficult. It is fantastic. Follow the bottle dosage directions. It’s at Whole Foods and online.
Some people take activated charcoal to absorb the dying candida and avoid feeling sick. There are kits, and herbal candida cleanse products out there. Look for them and choose as you feel is right for you… My favorite is Candex.
Magical Boric Acid
When I first heard that boric acid kills candida via a vaginal suppositry I was well incredulous… Because of the word “acid”. Turns out it’s legit! Boric acid is inert as an acid in the way we think of battery acid or acid that eats away at something (our skin!) or causes burns.
Boric acid is a remedy for candida and vaginal yeast for a long, long time. Well before the chemical insertable thingys or current M.D. or Gyno is giving out. A quick Google brings boraic acid pusppositories in options galore fomr Amzon to several vendors!
Boric acid vaginal suppositories are available for purchase. They are solid, oval-shaped capsules that a person inserts into the vagina. They become liquid as they warm up to the body’s temperature. To treat a Candida infection, the CDC recommend using caginal suppositories containing 600 mg of boric acid each…
There is a simple candida spit test. This reveals candida overgrowth. In the morning before eating, drinking, or brushing your teeth, spit into a clean, clear glass of about 4 ounces of clean drinking water. Hold up the glass and take a look.
If you’ve got a clump of floating white mucous – you’ve got too much candida. “Legs” will trail from the cloud to the bottom of the glass. If the trails have granules, little white nobs – you have lots of candida overgrowth. There are other candida tests as well.
If you’re really looking to ramp up into a full-on health makeover, there are a lot of options, one example is found in this award-winning, Saveur Best Food Blog. It was a winner in the special diet category. It’s a beautiful blog with innovative plant-based recipes: My New Roots. A votres santé mes petites!
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Please feel free to reach out, ask a question or comment. I always respond.
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, to co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
