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Why Do We Fall for Sociopaths?

They are Animalistic Parasitic Predators by Nature

What is a sociopath and a narcissist? Why do we fall fo rhyme?

Antisocial psychopaths are animalistic in the worst sense. Their “beast” life force pulls on normal humans at a primal bone-marrow level. – If the timing is right – or wrong let’s say – we’re snagged whole in one breath.

The “charm”, diffidence, humility, and “manners” lure us to the sociopath as we value these attributes. The flattery they dole out, any lending a hand, giving, or offering and promising something or other are nothing more than bait.

In the early days, they can narrow in on us, with a steady gaze and, hang on to our every word. They look deeply into your face, and oddly off to the distance at the same time. Remembering it now I see it as a wild animal hunched in the tall grass scanning the horizon for dinner. Intent, and focused on us, but not in the room for the same reason we are.

The World of the Sociopath is Another Universe from Ours

Sociopaths function from an abnormal brain. In essence, they have the brains of reptiles while we have the brains of puppies. Regions of the sociopath’s brain are under-functioning. To be exact these regions do not function at all. This black-out, blank spot in their minds is where love ought to be. Where caring lives in us. This blacked-out bit of brain matter is the source of their antisocial behavior, thinking, and violence. This is sociopathy…more precisely: psychopathy.

This bit of nonexistent brain can be seen in brain scans. Science is breaking through on this front to the point that the legal system may incorporate limited use of brain imaging scans in court decisions. Every human on the planet is equally a potential target and prey to a sociopath. They’re wired this way… For the sociopath, having a number of simultaneous prey is a matter of life and death.

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Lies are Normal to a Sociopath: They See Lies as Real and Real as Made Up

Sociopaths, that is, antisocial psychopaths, feel the efforts they make for their survival are their right. They truly believe that the inevitable fallout that tears apart the lives of their prey, is something the prey deserve. Normal people are despised by sociopaths, we’re thought of as revolting wimps for having and for living by our emotions.

Lying, the sociopath’s most insidious trait brings disunity and ruin. We wonder if sociopaths “believe” their lies. They do. And they don’t IN their bizarre world real is made up and lies are real. Lying is not a betrayal from their point of view: There is nothing to betray! They are not in a relationship. Plus: they are wired to believe that they can do anything they want to do to anyone and it’s fine. That everything belongs to them.

From their twisted world of destruction lying is normal. Their world is lies. We, on the other hand, believe the sociopath’s lie because embedded within our fundamental wiring is trust.

Pathological Predator, Sociopaths Believe Lies: Even Ours

We can lie to a sociopath and they act from the lie as if it were a truth. In a sense, in their village in hell, there’s no such thing as a lie… we interpret this as the sociopath “believing their own lies.”

There’s more to it than that… Sociopaths know they lie, but they don’t consider it a lie. There’s no discernment or separation between fact and fiction because to a sociopath lies are reality… and reality is made up. Reality changes with each new lie. At any moment. And yet, every lie is true. – That is the circus going on in their heads. They live in an entirely different reality than we do and cannot comprehend ours.

It’s Hard to See What’s Real: We Can and We Will

If we can step up and into wrapping our heads around that and we find deeper freedom from their influence. You can begin to see how impersonal these attacks are. It has nothing to do with us specifically: other than we’re alive and breathing and wholly normal humans.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t let anyone tell you this happened because of anything about you. And don’t let yourself do that either. We are not responsible for the sociopath’s inhumanity.

It isn’t that we attract sociopaths. It’s not that we’re co-dependent. We aren’t reeled in because we had bad parents or tough childhoods – even if we did. We get to be who we are.

There’s Nothing About Us that Attracts a Sociopath Aside From Being Normal

They are the antithesis of us. The polar opposite; so far apart it can’t be imagined. . Light years apart. In parallel universes. They live as parasites. Solo, marauding predators. This is the way they are wired.

We’re innately wired to trust, give, unify, make families and groups, build relationships, try, stay, and “fix”. We don’t expect lies. This is how we’re wired by nature…And it’s a gorgeous wiring job!! We get to be who and what we are. By nature we care, connect, trust, bond, bud friendships, relationships, families, communities… This is our natural survival.

Cognitive Dissonance vs. Cognitive Harmony

We’re wired to make sense of anything that doesn’t make sense… “Cognitive dissonance” hits us like a ton of brinks at the odd things they say or do. We must live in cognitive harmony. This is why we “rationalize” or make reasons in our minds for things they say or do.

But – since we don’t have the actual truth of their motivation to balance the dissonance, we use our normal human reasoning and paint in emotional reasons that come from our life palette: we don’t know the reasons that exist in the minds of these pathological creatures. So, we stay off-kilter. This is a part of the trauma.

The Hijacking Into Hell

At its most elemental level, being targeted and hijacked by a sociopath has nothing to do with anything in our lives personally as individuals other than the fact that we’re limbic-brained normal humans. If being human is “wrong, then I don’t want to be “right.”

Every human has fragility…Doubts, fears, and vulnerability as well as strengths and dreams and hopes, and love. You might call it our humanity. This can be tapped by a pathological predatory parasite as if being handed to them on a plate when we believe they’re a normal human being standing in front of us.

Know This: Any person can be scammed by a life-hijacking antisocial psychopath. If we’ve been through it, fully comprehend what happened and fully recovered we have rendered and forged ourselves into limbic brained normal humans who are now sociopath proof. If someone has been through this, but has been misinformed and badly, inaccurately supported out of the hell they are not recovered and they’re susceptible to another sociopath invasion – likely in the very next true love that crosses their path. – Unless you’ve gone through this hell and lived to tell about it – there’s no way to understand it.

Thinking We Found Something Good

There’s nothing “wrong with us” that led to a sociopath invasion other than we’re human and had no idea such monsters existed, or what they look like, what they do, say, want, and need.

We enter into what we believe is real. Real love, or a real business, or the combination of love and business together. We think we’ve found a really special kind of belonging. Getting a fresh start. Embarking on a new adventure. A life. with “the one”, a soulmate, a partner. These are things absolutely every human desires. These desires and expectations are what life is made of.

We’re Normal: Normal is Good, Kind, and Giving and has Emotions

Hooked in and winding down the path of our future with a sociopath we behave as normal humans in a normal relationship or partnership, but – there’s another parallel thread, another reality running underneath and alongside our normal world when we’re paired up with a socio-freak.

The trouble starts; sociopaths come as a bag of chaos. They have things that need to be “fixed”, problems as long as our arms with a co-worker, an old boss, an old roommate, or a neighbor. Someone is wanting money from them that they say they don’t owe. Someone suddenly fired them for no reason. On, and on, and on…

We as normal humans, do our best to manage it – we think we’re tackling it together. It takes time to see that there isn’t much “together” happening and that this person we love (?) isn’t participating in conflict resolution, solutions, progress, or developing what we have, but is… could it be possible… they are the problem…?

Here’s the Thing: A normal human’s “go-to” is to take responsibility and to dive-in to resolving the things that are out of balance, or painful in the relationship we believe is real. – There’s nothing wrong with us. There’s everything right with us.

It’s Normal to Try, to Stay, to Fix: Leaving is What Normal Does Last

This compulsion to hang in there, to “fix,” to work it out is why humans still exist on planet earth. It’s how we create and thrive as families and communities. Imagine if we were to give up on loved ones at the first sign of trouble.

Trauma bonding is normal; it’s human survival mode, wired into our DNA. It’s a mode of survival that occurs when we’re in love with a normal person as well, or when a family member is in crisis. It is human and good.

Imagine if we tossed away our kids if we caught them in a lie about where they were after school or if the dog ate their homework. Imagine if we walked away from our husbands and wives if they lost their job, lost a parent to illness, or became ill themselves. Staying, working on it, and resolving is what humans do.

Side Note: Personally… I wasn’t love-bombed, I wasn’t praised, I wasn’t flattered, there was none of that going on to be so-called “addicted” too. Yet, I met and married him in seven-days time. By day three of knowing him a wave of panic washed over me – I felt I couldn’t live without him. This sensation shocked me to the roof and confused me — as I felt it. So… what is it? Here’s what I think: sociopaths have an uncanny, power of influence related to the primal level they exist from. They have the power, the effect of something wild, and riveting – like a lion we make eye contact with suddenly, unexpectedly on the lions home territory. We’re shocked we’re there. How’d we get in the lion’s back yard? We can’t look away. Something deep inside is grabbed and hooked. Primal. Raw. Sociopaths live from a life-and-death survival place that’s activated in us; we don’t recognize the feeling. We’ve never needed to use this part of ourselves… We need to call it something, that’s normal and human, though we’re stumped. We can’t call it something we don’t know exists, and we don’t recognize it as fear… We decide it’s “love” because love is all we know, we don’t know monsters and this deception adn parasitic madness exists – and certainly, we don’t know how to recognize that happening within us.

Know There is Nothing “Wrong” with Us

When in these circumstances with a sociopath we see strange behavior, we see them take too much and give nothing and we see no changes.

And then when we see enough to see that this is not normal and is nothing we can recognize even within normal-but-not-going-well… we go – or get them out. – There’s nothing wrong with us. It takes as long as it takes.

Do not allow anyone to take this gorgeous, human innate trait and twist it to blame us for these hijackings. Know the significance of this kind of remark: “Why did you stay?” And, “You must be co-dependent and have low self-esteem.” And, “How did you let that happen?!”

There Are People Who Just Won’t Understand

People with this response to our ride in hell are filled with misconceptions of humans and human behavior that have been the paradigm of psychotherapy, counseling, and our culture for years now.

They’re out of step, flat-out wrong, and incorrect in general in regard to any relationship counseling. And 100% inaccurate and harmful and the cause of more trauma in the aftermath of a life-jacking sociopath.

Wrap Ourselves in Compassion

Put the benefit of the doubt towards ourselves. Embrace our lives. Enfold ourselves in compassion. Appreciate the gorgeous loving, trusting qualities pulsing in our DNA. Value our humanity.

Increase and deepen our interconnectedness and interdependence as living beings sharing this planet. Let this newfound knowledge of the possibility in life for both evil and great good inspire us to seek how to manifest and expand our own true and pure good. We are awesome.

Courage is the force that makes our lives brilliant. ~ Daisaku Ikeda

A tune from my sweet friend, Ada Pasternak, “Hope” – on Sound Cloud

I’ve been down and out. Filled with doubt.
Had this little heart of mine kicked around.
On the sunniest day the sky can seem gray.
All of these battles they’ve made me fierce.
Crying doesn’t make me weak;
it’s my soul just trying to speak.

… believe that tomorrow will hold a silver lining to all of the sorrow.

~ Hope, Ada Pasternak

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2017_11_12 > rewrite-repub > 2022_11_19 Update 2025_03_22

Why Are Sociopaths Called Antisocial?

Sociopaths are called antisocial because – hold onto your hats – there’s more than one meaning of the word antisocial! In their case, it doesn’t mean being shy or reluctant to be with others in a group setting. Amazing. Who’d a thunk it.

One of the myriad roadblocks to realizing just what it is we’re facing is misinterpreting or not understanding the meaning of this little word: “antisocial”.

Defining What the Antisocial Is In A Sociopath

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This little four-syllable word – that people assume they already know the meaning to – trips people up. It’s natural to think it doesn’t make sense because the guy or gal in their living nightmare is very “social” rather than “antisocial” and doesn’t like parties or have many friends or some such.

This notion that you know what the word means -as applied to this kind of deceptive and ruinous human without a conscience – keeps far too many people from investigating more deeply into who and what it is they have gotten entangled with.

So then, in turn, they look to the other concepts floating around online and on social media to explain this person’s heinous behavior. Most commonly landing on “narcissist”.

Add in these other terms out there: narc, narcopath, and the narcissist in all its varieties, well, this falsely assures far too many people for too long that they’re only in love with a “narcissist” when in fact… It’s much, much worse. And more confusing, because some definitions and platitudes out there are related to a sociopath yet described under the name “narcissist”, and other describing factors are 100% off the mark. Very confusing… and delays recovery.

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Defining “Antisocial”

Here it goes, here’s a definition of this sticky little word antisocial from the Oxford English Dictionary – the most massive, most amazing dictionary on the planet. There are two definitions.

Opposed to sociability; averse to companionship.
Opposed to the principles on which society is constituted.

Definition number one above, of the word “antisocial”, is the one we’re most familiar with. It’s the one that gets us saying, no they can’t be a sociopath because they have friends. And also we think, she’s really fun at BBQs! Or, yeah but he’s around people all the time. They love going out! So, they can’t be an “antisocial psychopath”. – I get that. But there’s more.

Definition Number Two Describes the Sociopath

Definition number two pertains to the clinical term related to a sociopath, an antisocial psychopath, or a person of antisocial personality disorder, as defined by the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition).

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Antisocial Psychopaths Are Sociopaths aka Psychopaths

As described by David Porter, MA, LAD: “The term antisocial may be confusing to the lay public, as the more common definition outside of clinical usage is an individual who is a loner or socially isolated.

The literal meaning of the word antisocial can be more descriptive to both the lay public and professionals: to be anti-social, is to be against society; against rules, norms, laws, and acceptable behavior. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder tend to be charismatic, attractive, and very good at obtaining sympathy from others; for example, describing themselves as the victim of injustice. …

Antisocials possess a superficial charm, they can be thoughtful an dcunning and have an intuitive ability to rapidly observe and analyze others, determine their needs and preferences, and present it in a manner to facilitate manipulation and exploitation. They are able to harm and use other people in this manner, without remorse, guilt, shame, or regret.”
~ Theravive, by David Porter, MA, LAD (They also think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.)

Modern Languages Come from Latin: Anti Means: Against

Our words for medical diagnosis and terminology as well as a huge part of our everyday English language come from ancient, toga-wearing people who spoke Latin in ye-olde-school, ancient Rome. Lots of beginnings and endings and even middle sections of our words are Latin.

The beginnings of words are called: “prefixes”; here’s a bunch: anti, post, sub, pre, non as beginnings. You can probably think of some right off the bat: Substitute, post-trauma, predetermined, nonexistent. Interested in language, read more about Latin roots, suffixes, and prefixes.

Also here are some endings you know in everyday language but might not have known that they’re Latin. We call these “suffixes”. Here’s a few: ment, as in “supple-ment”; ify, as in ver-ify and ident-ify; ation, as in perfor-ation and restor-ation; able, as in “cap-able”. There are tons.

Your way out of the maze…

English is Derived from Older English and Latin

Anti is a word straight out of Latin and Rome. If you put the word anti into Google Translate and select the translation from English into Latin, you know what you get? – Anti.

Anti in English is anti in Latin. In old-school Latin anti means: to be or to go against (something), to be outside (of something), or opposed (to something).

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ASPD and Antisocial Psychopaths Refer to Con Artists, Scammers, and Yes: Killers

So…antisocial psychopaths or persons of antisocial personality disorder, don’t mind parties at all, they kinda thrive on being social and any place with lots of people, including online, is the prime hunting ground. They need us and others so, so much.

Sociopaths are called antisocial because they function against and outside of normal, expected behavior. These people do things without thinking twice that we’d never even conceived of doing, much less do and behave in an anti- (against) social- (society) manner. Their behavior goes against the grain of what’s okay. And boy-howdy… Don’t they…?

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Our Safety Is Most Important

So let me ask you… Does it help to get to the bottom of your bizarre, painful, and dire situation to think of them as just a narcissist? Or would there be more life-saving, pain prevention, and protection in diving in and stripping things down?

Ponder the realities and consider if this view would get more done for your safety and recovery: Looking at it from the point of view that this person will do anything they can think of doing in order to make use of you, or to get whatever they want, and to have things their way and to not be stopped. – That my friend is a sociopath: they function outside of and against the expected and accepted norms of society.

We Win

They need us. We do not need them. This is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through. The number one concern is that you clear the fog and protect your life. They have been through this break-up many, many, many times before and will again and again long after they’ve ridden off into the sunset.

As we explore removing them from our lives and then restoration: we don’t need to pretend they’re normal; they know what they are. – That said, keep your discoveries to yourself and end the entanglement safely. They need us; we don’t need them.

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2017_01_31 2022_11_13

3 Dangers of Female Sociopaths

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Female sociopaths exist. Big time.
In their empty souls
they’re the same as any sociopath.
They do use feminine charm to take and to ruin.

Female sociopaths aka narcissists and male sociopaths possess the same malfunctioning brain that leaves their hearts barren. They have no love, no genuine care or concern for anyone besides themselves.

It’s a reality, no matter what century we’re in, no matter the culture, though in some cultures far more than others that we expect women to be loving and nurturing mothers and loyal and monogamous and assume they are.

The unexpectedness of encountering a woman who is the antithesis of all this to the point of bare evil is traumatic. It sends us spinning into a prolonged state of disbelief.

To be fair, encountering any sociopath is traumatic: even when we don’t know that they’re a sociopath. There is undeniably an extra jolt when we do realize the person in front of us is a sociopath and female. This natural and normal disbelief on our part, buys them further time to wreak havoc in the lives of their prey.

That expectation of women beign sweet and lovig and sugar and spice is used as a tool by female sociopaths. Let me give a shout out to what’s real: most women are nurturing and loving. And – news flash – so are most men.

Normal Sees the World Through Normal: That’s Normal

The gorgeous humans, who fall into the traps of a sociopath aka who fall into the traps of a narcissist, are some of the most amazing humans on the planet.

If they sense you will possibly reveal them publically or to authorities as the wrongdoer expect some kind of deep smear. This is how they protect themselves, by weaving this kind of false and fraudulent set-up, putting you in the guilty seat.

The men who fall into this hell are incredible – as are the women… this though, is a case for so many of us who feel “there are no good men out there“. I’m here to tell you that there are.

There are indeed good men. The one’s who I work with in recovery sessions blow me away with their kindness, their pride in monogamy, their respect for women, and their huge hearts. Good men exist – and the female sociopaths who prey upon them count upon this goodness to twist them around. – This is how every sociopath works. Our normal, our innate goodness and human qualites are snatched up and used to swing us like a cat by its tail.

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Are There Really Female Sociopaths?

Female sociopaths aka female narcissists exist. They’re identical to male sociopaths in their empty souls and evil guts. For them, using feminine charm and lurid sexuality to take and to ruin is fair play. Depending upon our assumptions about what it means to be female, we’re possibly in for a harder and darker ride.

Sociopaths aka narcissists exist in every gender, in every social or economic class. You can find them in any religion, at a University, in any bar, in the laundromat, and at a wine tasting.

Fraudsters comprise about 95% of the profiles on dating apps which are absolutely packed with them. They can be – and are – anywhere and in every walk of life. Some of them even pose as people trying to help the prey of sociopaths to heal and recover. – They’re liars.

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3 Dangers of Female Sociopaths aka Female Narcissists

Being female gives the female sociopath aka the female narcissist an extra special bit of opportunity to make use of others.

Marriage: Community property and access to monetary support and property
Pregnancy: Life long financal support and open predatory access to you
Criminal charges: Domestic abuse, and rape

Why Do Female Sociopaths Marry?

Female sociopaths marry in order to gain financially or socially, to obtain possessions or respectability – only. There’s no love involved. They sign up with the intention of being supported by their spouse while they do whatever they like including still preying upon other men (or women).

As the predators they are, the female sociopath will push so hard for marriage they’ve been known to buy their own engagement rings. Divorce is usually the ultimate goal; ideally, this brings high alimony, a big settlement, or property.

Traditional Gender Roles Tip Into the Female Sociopath’s Hand

Being 100% supported financially by their male prey is a go-to for female sociopaths; they do hit the jack-pot fairly readily with this one sliding right into this traditional relationship dynamic.

All the while they’re sleeping with a whole team, a fleet, a crew, a slew of other men, women or both just as male sociopaths do. Please, see a doctor and have STD tests done. Female sociopaths are just as evil as male sociopaths. There’s no sugar and spice to be found inside the outwardly female pathological user.

More to Know: Yes, there are both male and female sociopaths. Sociopaths present themselves to the world mainly as their obvious biological gender, but are in fact something we could only call, genderless. Read more about the genderless nature of sociopaths here: Sociopaths Sexual Boundaries.

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Pregnancy: a Smoke Screen for “Normal”

Unexpected or not, pregnancy can bring the sweet scent of “normal” and more importantly big bucks for years and years to a female sociopath. And guess what, it doesn’t matter if she has this innocent child with a male or female target.

Women of antisocial personality disorder, ASPD – also many times called narcissists and thoght to be NPD, have fewer children than male sociopaths. The male sociopath aka narcissist populates the earth indiscriminately with many children that they leave by the wayside. Female sociopaths want to bear children in limited quantities for some pretty basic reasons:

The annoyance of pregnancy; it puts a damper on scamming
Pregnancy makes changes in their looks perceived to reduce their seductiveness
Children are not genuinely wanted and are not loved; they are a meal ticket

Every Sociopath aka Narcissist Cares Only About Personal Gain

Aside from possessing a child creating the necessary public persona of “normal”, female sociopaths have children for these other reasons: money, money, and money. Once a child is on the scene they can legitimately demand support and whether married or not, they take men to court to get it. In marriage and in divorce this plot includes taking your property.

All the while they’re sleeping with a whole team, a fleet, a crew, a slew of other men, women or both just as male sociopaths do.

Unwanted and surprise pregnancies or coerced “plans” for children all have the same motivation and result. Poking holes into condoms and lies about birth control or infertility are basic for a sociopath. If you have children with a female sociopath, consider DNA testing the babies. The results might not change your feelings for the children, but they can absolutely change court orders.

Children can bring big-bank to the female sociopath, and while you may be willing to voluntarily support financially in some way, the court-ordered maintenance is extortion when the pregnancy is a surprise, or attributed to the wrong man.

Domestic Violence: Staged, Forced, and Faked to Cry “Victim”

Female sociopaths commonly create a wife-beater scenario. It dovetails with the sociopath’s need to seem like the victim, and further this is a style of self-defense as is any kind of smear campaign.

In this kind of attack the sociopath – male or female or any gender – is attempting to make their case for this so that their story is the one that is believed and the focus is shifted to their prey – that is to you – as the wrongdoer.

Self-Harm to Blame You

They do this in two ways. She will become violent to incite a response of violence. By hitting first, the hope is that the man – or woman – will hit them back. If this doesn’t work, they have other options.

Female sociopaths are just as evil as male sociopaths. There’s no sugar and spice to be found inside the outwardly female pathological user.

Female sociopaths aka narcissists are known to inflict self-injury and claim that you did it to them…they could throw themselves into the edge of the coffee table. Bang their heads on the shower wall. Smash their own arms with a hammer… Blacken and bruise their own body and legs.

They might call the cops at the moment of beating themselves up or instead they take pictures of the blood and bruises, then later file police reports of abuse based on this craziness. – Each of these examples is a situation I’ve seen.

Claim Rape to Set Themselves Free

It is not at all beyond the female sociopath aka narcissist to claim rape. This makes staying away from them crucial. Keeping them away from your home, and not going to theirs is critical. If this is a co-worker, never be alone with them in an office or other room at your place of work. If this is unavoidable, leave the doors open.

Not meeting anywhere at all becomes serious for you as prey when the sociopath is ramping up into trying to subdue you. this occurs as they begin to see you as a threat to their own facade and freedom. If they sense you will possibly reveal them publically or to authorities as the wrongdoer expect some kind of deep smear. This is how they protect themselves, by weaving this kind of false and fraudulent set-up, putting you in the guilty seat.

Protect Yourself from Court and Jail

There are, unfortunately, restraining orders, and wins in domestic violence, or rape charge legal battles based on false allegations staged by female sociopaths. – Take the prospect of court or legal charges seriously. Find out how to position yourself to win against false claims.

Save every email, every text, and SMS. These can become proof of their lies. Do not respond to them. Go no contact and keep no contact as the only real protection against this. No contact is life-saving.

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2018_10_03 2025_04_24

2016_11_06 2025_04_24

20 Characteristics of a Con Man Sociopath

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Sociopaths are identical and predictable.
Truly understanding the characteristics
of a sociopath changes everything.

It likely sounds dramatic, an impossibility, and maybe a bit like fear-mongering to say with calm confidence, oh that guy? He’s a sociopath. Or, she’s a sociopath. – The breaking news is, it is neither dramatic nor impossible.

It’s practical and sensible. It is scary. However, calmly knowing sociopaths exist and are real and what that means is huge key to how we unwind the damage of the sociopath-effect and unplug their influence.

Aren’t Sociopaths Only In the Movies?

I wish. The fact is, a sociopath is a real thing. A common reality. There are humans all around us who function from sociopathy. …And to confuse things even further, many people call them narcissists.

Though sociopath is a big scary word, the characteristics of a sociopath are really tiny and limited. And distinct.

There’s a good reason for this, a sociopath is a sociopath because they have a brain significantly different from the regular brain, that is from yours or mine.

Their brains under-function, so that they have no sensation or experience or feeling of connection. No sense of caring, genuine consideration, love, or even like for people outside of their own body. This pathology gives them very specific and unbelievable traits and qualities.

Breaking Up With Evil

Breakign Up with Evil, by Jennifer Smith on Amazon and Good Reads

Breaking Up with Evil: Escaping Coercive Control on Amazon

Five women’s true stories of being ensnared, hauled through the confusion, lies, fear, and pain, and breaking away.

Told in their own words, they leave nothing unsaid. Find validation and see new glimpses of the truth as they share their stories… Stories that could be any of ours.

Pathological vs Non-pathological

By now you’ve heard the word narcissist and maybe call the person who hauled you through hell a narcissist. The thing is a “narcissist” is most often a sociopath. If you’re thinking of them as a “narcissists” read about and research sociopaths for real answers.

There’s lots of material and many memes and so many Insta accounts that talk about the more mundane narcissistic person who is not pathological and who is not a scammer. If you found yourself in a life where you were working harder than you’ve ever worked to keep your life and their life afloat only to find it constantly sinking, you were ensnared by the pathological narcissist…. that is, a sociopath.

No Conscience, No Concern For You Or Anyone Else

Sociopaths are 100% narcissistic. They’re in your life for a reason that is not normal or genuine in any way. There’s no one more narcissistic on the planet than the sociopath… the antisocial psychopath aka sociopath or psychopath. Read here about why the clinical terminology uses the word “antisocial”.

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Sociopaths Are Real: And Simplistic in Nature

Though sociopath is a big scary word, the characteristics of a sociopath are really tiny and limited. And distinct. There’s a good reason for this: a sociopath is a sociopath because they have a brain significantly different from the regular brain… yours or mine.

Their brains are structured so that they have no sensation or experience of feeling any bonding, love, care, or consideration for other people — or animals. – They do pretend to.

The attachment or interest they display for others is where we begin to feel horrified because it’s not like ours. And it’s not good.

Other people hold no meaning to them aside from using that person for the sociopath’s personal gain. This means they’re what’s commonly called a con man or con artist, or scammer. And they come in male or female versions.

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Brain Scans Reveal the Sociopath, “Narcissist”, Psychopath Brain

There’s hard science to demonstrate the difference in their brains. Brain scans by neuroscientists reveal the portions of the brain attributed to feeling love, and compassion just doesn’t function.

There’s nothing we can recognize as normal once the mask hits the floor. So what is going on inside of them? There’s basically nothing there. Where love would be there’s white noise. The connection between themselves and others isn’t made of concern or care.

There’s Nobody Inside To Connect With

Though they can create what we first feel is intimacy and deep interest in us, calling what they put out towards us a real “connection” isn’t quite the thing. This is because they see us as an object to grab-and-smash; something like a natural resource they hold the rights to.

They truly believe that they have every right to make use of humans as you or I would make use of a vacuum cleaner or a blender to get something done.

The thing is, we care more about the well-being of our vacuum cleaner than a sociopath does about us or any other human. They make use of others in absolutely any way they like. The word, “exploitation” comes to mind.

This is really hard for us to believe. It’s humanly impossible to absorb in one single moment the reality that there are people who look human, just like us, but are missing the “humanity chip”. Taking this in is a process.

The Podcast: Narcissistic Abuse Unwound

We Are Not Responsible for The Predator’s Inhumanity

People without a conscious are bereft of good as if they’ve scorched the very roots of goodness within their own lives. They aren’t “choosing” to not care; this in itself would come from a place of caring. They have no place of caring within them. These are people who embed themselves into people’s lives to take, to use, and to do whatever they want. This is their real “work” whether they have an actual paycheck or not.
Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

How Do Sociopaths (aka Narcissists aka Psychopaths) Do What They Do?

When individuals operate without a conscience they are able to do horrible things we would never dream of doing, and there is no moral compass or guilt feelings to stop them.
Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD Psychology

The Sociopath Effect Is Inevitable

In order to hook, use and take from targets, (that would be you or I, just regular people) every sociopath uses the same little tricks and misleads and lies. This takes effect in one-on-one relationships, in romantic or work situations, towards religious leaders or politicians; anywhere you find and admire or like someone who is a sociopath this hook will take hold.

Where ever there’s a sociopath in a group, a family, or an organization. The predator gets busy in a true love faux-lationship or superior-acolyte in any setting. The arc of hell and the crazy plays out in five stages. Always, and also in every one of these set-ups.

This Is The Only Way It Goes

There’s no deviation from this pattern of hook and use and break-away. It might be carried out over five days or 50 years with any particular morsel of prey — but there’s no variation in the way a sociopath functions or affects prey.

Everything they do and say is in an effort to make use of those around them is for their survival. We are their livelihood. This survival is dependent upon us believing they’re normal. This is not easy for us to see. It takes time and taking in a new perspective to see this thing we never imagined existed.

Our experience with them is traumatic and so is coming to terms with what they are. Not all trauma is bad!

Sociopaths are Identical, Predictable and Severely Limited

So many give credit to the sociopath as a master manipulator, a genius liar. I beg to differ. It’s time to look again from another angle, so we can stop giving them the power. They claim to be amazing and talented geniuses — and we do at first see them as masterly wizards of manipulation and at the antics that they pull.

Sociopaths are the antithesis of loving and giving; they only take and as the fallout of their taking, destruction is all they bring to the table.

In reality, sociopaths have very limited thinking. They are severely limited, have specific thinking and feelings, and have no other way to think or feel.

What they feel as raw emotions is desire or need, and then glee when they get what they want, anger when it’s threatened or taken away, rage when their scam is being seen through or put to an end, and fear. They have a great fear of being exposed which fuels endless rage at being caught or exposed.

How Would the One You’re Wondering About Do On This Test?

Answer these very basic questions that lead to an estimation of whether someone is a sociopath aka a psychopath… or that person you’re calling a “narcissist”. I

After all, never forget, understanding what you’re facing isn’t about diagnosing them… this discovery serves the purpose of finding your safety, keeping your sanity, and restoring your well-being.

They Lose it When They Lose

If they’re at risk of exposure they lose it; when exposed they risk not getting what they want or getting away with it they become wild-cornered animals.

They frantically and erratically hop from one tactic to another trying to get their house of cards back in place. They come up with elaborate stories, fake illnesses, disappear, kill, cry spontaneous sheets of tears… rage and threaten and blackmail (like, if I lose, I’ll leave the United States…). The nearer they are to losing it all, the more they lose it.

The profound fear they live with is one of the things they don’t want us to realize about them. If their fear was not incredibly deep, why would they rage so when we get close to the truth?

Confusion is The Vibe

The reason we feel so confused is that this is nothing like anything we’ve known before. And… It isn’t anything we can see by using the way we normally think to look at it.

The whole mess is a fake-lationship. A faux-lationship. We think we’re in a real relationship; the sociopath knows it’s not a real mutual human relationship.

Sociopaths do their best to embed themselves into people’s lives in order to take, use, make use of us, and do whatever they want in that person’s life. Making these attempts and making this effort is how they spend every single day; this is their “work”. It’s how they survive.

This Kind of Con Brings Post Traumatic Stress

As a confused and hurt person trying to find answers, to decipher what’s going on, understanding the characteristics of a sociopath lets us see from an angle that supports our understanding. This also saves our mental and emotional – as well as physical – health and allows for healing.

It’s not easy to fully comprehend and takes time to see it, but the fact is, we’re nothing more than a piece of equipment or an object to the sociopath. Beyond that, we’re despised and held in contempt.

This is so hard to grasp because we’re fully human. We love and support those we love; we don’t view them as expendable resources. Sociopaths are the antithesis of loving and giving; they only take and as the fallout of their taking, destruction is all they bring to the table.

A Sociopath Can Be Anywhere: The Park, A Party, at Work

Because pathological users are anywhere we might be, we need to learn how to recognize them. Their real power when you think about it is that we can’t recognize them and so not be affected by them.

Sociopaths exist in every social, regional, and economic realm. Most crave riches with insatiable desire. Paradoxically they can handle living in a box on the side of the road until the next target with a nice warm nest comes along. Why…? It’s the result of having no emotional connection to things, people, or places.

Without any emotional connection aside from holding someone up to measure if that person – seen as an object – fits into their needs – and every one of us has something they need – sociopaths are isolated and isolating in their effect.

Pathological Parasites Are Anywhere We Might Be

Predatory parasites dwell in trailer parks in Wyoming, on ski slopes in the Alps, in board rooms across the world, within the profiles of online dating sites, at church, in bars and clubs, in the grocery store, at the dog park.

Sociopaths hunt prey in the workplace, on Facebook, in chat forums, at a party. We can meet them at the grocery store, in line at the post office, getting gas or through friends.

It’s said one-in-25 people are sociopaths and are either male or female. We’ve all heard the phrase: hiding in plain sight. We’ve got to change how we “see” – our “sight” – they’re plain as day.

20 Characteristics of a Sociopath

Fun, charming, and entertaining. Super polite when meeting new people
Display impressive knowledge or skill at something. This proves to be limited or fake
Have a primal perception as far as what concerns us, what we need, and depend upon; this is used to make false promises, to make deals, and to blackmail
Are easily offended. They fluster and bluster when offended and lash out
Lie about all things – except those odd moments they tell the truth
Believe they’re better than everyone. Express misogynistic, racist, homophobic, or other prejudice and hatred
Crave a good reputation
Crave status, power, possessions, money, yet exist at any level of society
Have delusions of fame and importance, though they might live in the Metro station
Mimic our authentic emotions and social mannerisms as best they can
Have no capacity for care, concern, or love, though it sometimes seems they do
Think of themselves as victims and can cry fake tears at the drop of a hat
Are sexually promiscuous and often simultaneously avoid sex with a primary prey; someone they’ve put in place as a primary “partner”
Do any horrible, illegal, or immoral thing they want to do and to absolutely anyone.
Think their prey (partners, spouses, girlfriends, etc.) should be grateful
Take pride in their scams and run several scams simultaneously
Believe everyone deserves whatever it is that they do to them
Smear their targets and prey; loudly, publicly, online in court
Have outbursts of rage, that can be physically violent.
All of them know they are monsters; they are proud of it and enjoy it.

There’s Much More

Since their state of mind is based on the limited and abnormal brain that makes someone a sociopath, there are more characteristics that are identical sociopath to sociopath.

You wouldn’t be the only one to discover porn, beyond porn – and their participation in shocking sexual practices. They avoid paying taxes, skip paying child maintenance altogether in cases of divorce, and cheat at absolutely everything. Even if they seem successful career-wise, you’ll find they don’t do their own work if you scratch the surface. Even with seemingly legit employment they ultimately live off of others’ lives, others’ efforts, finances, respectability, and magnanimity.

Discovering the Reality of a Sociopath is Trauma in Itself

In the world of psychology, they’re called antisocial psychopaths, or sociopaths. And lately as having an antisocial personality disorder. This newer contemporary term diminishes the damage they do and casts them in the light of hapless wrong-doer.

They’re not innocents suffering from a disorder. They know they cause harm. With pleasure and pride, they do terrible things to people. – Another delay in finding what we’re really facing is getting hung up on terminology and ideas of “narcissists”.

Bragadocious: Sociopaths Talk a Lot, a Super-de-Duper Lot

Sociopaths can’t help themselves from bragging. They like to chatter about the things they do. . These elaborate boasts represent their made-up life. It’s all lies. The traits and tricks of a sociopath never waver.

They’re consistent with all their prey whether in pursuit for ten days or we’re captive for ten years or 30 years. It’s the same for each of us from the first “hello”, to the way they break up with us.

In popular culture, movies, and books sociopaths are referred to as con artists or con men. In real life, they are strictly Mr. Hyde with a very shallow cover of Dr. Jekyll.

Lies Are Real, And Real Made Up

Sociopaths lie easily. Lying is normal for them. They feel no guilt or shame about lying. If one lie doesn’t work they whip out another one. They know they lie. For the pathological, lies make up what’s real, and real is made up. How’s that for mind-bending?

Since they are not connected to the world, to their own life to anything through emotions in the way that we are, sociopaths forget what they say one moment to another moment, and can only manage the moment in front of them.

Consequently, we can lie to them, they can know that we’re probably lying, and yet, they act on the lie as if it’s the truth.

Lying is Due to Their Pathology

The sociopath (or that person you might be calling a narcissist) lies in a way that’s called “pathological”. This means that lying comes as a result of their brain. In other words, they can’t not lie. They do not get better or change.

They make off-handed comments that reveal their inner workings. Knowing the characteristics of a sociopath exposes them for what they are and includes eventually, being able to see them as boring and even laughable.

At this point in time in the history of humankind, there is no known “cure.” They wouldn’t want to “get better” or “be better” if they could. They enjoy every minute of what they are. They adore themselves while knowing full well that they’re monsters.

The sociopath’s ruse is deception upon deception. Since people are seen as objects, they are disposable to the sociopath. It’s hard to say, but not all allow their prey to live to tell the tale.
Dr. Deborah Ettel, Phd Psychology

Find out more about guided recovery coaching here.

There’s Nothing a Sociopath Won’t Do

The characteristics of a sociopath include pride in the things they do. They consider nabbing prey an achievement. They’re boastful and feel great, and an exaggerated gleeful accomplishment in scamming, lying, taking, stealing, using, and worse.

Remember the exciting, exhilarating start to all the mess? Recall when they have that grin…and are sparked and energized? – It’s an exhibit of the glee and sense of pride they feel for capturing you.

Power of Influence: Truth and Lies

In these flashing moments of truth our heads spin. The truth always stands out. But in the confusing, bizarre world of the con, actual truth only cuts a fleeting crack in the lunacy and looks like lunacy itself.

A sociopath’s influence has us doubt the truth, and be soothed by their lie. Sociopaths influence us in such a way, that it’s natural for us to defend and protect their lies.

It’s All Traumatic

All in all, anytime we spent in the presence of a sociopath, wasn’t what we thought it was. There’s never any mutual moment aside from maybe sitting down to eat because both of us want a good dinner.

Any normal person (and this includes nuerodivergencies such as OCD, ADHD, and etc) in the presence of a sociopath in any dynamic such as a personal relationship of love, of family members, of neighbor and neighbor or boss and employee or coworker all sustain trauma and harm and a period of PTSD in the aftermath.

Why they’re at dinner with us, is not the same reason we’re at dinner with them. We were targeted and hijacked for the sociopath’s own use.

We Can Recover After Breaking Up with a Narcissistic Sociopath

The most devastating thing a sociopath creates is disunity. Disunity from self and from others we love…from others in general. Even a sense of separation from others we don’t know shrouds us as our life shuts down and closes into a very small thing centered on them and appeasing them. We end up in a spinning place of off-kilter confusion, more than walking on eggshells.

Like any normal human would without positive connection and unity, in isolation and separation we get lost. We can bring ourselves back. We reunite with ourselves, with all and everyone around us. Recovering from this trauma takes non-judgemental support and encouragement.

With accurate and true information and understanding of what a sociopath is – and what we are as gorgeous, loving humane, human beings, we can heal and get our lives back. We can trust again, laugh again, and love again.