My Friend is Dating a Sociopath

What can I do?
She thinks she’s engaged to her dream man.
They moved in together. He cheated. He moved out.
He got in trouble. She ran back to him. Classic.

Sociopaths suck us back in with their needs and trouble. They come up with fake illnesses or bogus victim stories – or create major and very real drama. They are more important than us. They love a lot of chaos. They lie. They cheat. They steal. They abuse. They ruin lives. I can’t believe my friend has fallen into the clutches of  a freak-sociopath! – And I can.

She is exactly the kind of woman a sociopath hunts: magnanimous, loyal, determined, strong, smart, loving. She  had recently been through other loss and grief. She’s a prime target for sociopaths on the prowl. Paradoxically she was at a peak in the game of life. She’s at a pivotal point of making a career and finishing huge accomplishments. Sociopaths are attracted to the upswing – so they can suck the life out of it and get all the goodies.

Sociopaths Target Strong Achievers not “Doormats”

Sociopaths are attracted to strong, loving, achievers at a good place in their lives.
They are magnetically drawn to the smell of success.

“Often very smart, successful people fall for their scams – because they are just that good at what they do— and the sociopath has more to gain.” ~ Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD Psychology

Sociopaths go for targets who are hyper-loyal, trusting, forgiving. They victimize those who invest in relationships above having casual relationships. They look for hyper-empathy. They start the scam with a test – usually a story about their own victimization, such as abuse as a child – it’s a lie. They want to see our response – to test our reaction. If we’re sympathetic to the correct degree they know they can leach us dry.

My Friend is Dating a Sociopath – Now What?

Sociopaths scramble the brains of their prey.
It’s a brainwashing. A hostage set-up.

What do we do when people we love, love sociopaths? What do we do when we have the horrible realization: my friend is dating a sociopath. Would a friend dating a sociopath believe us if we bring out the truth behind the sociopath’s lies? It seems to me if my friend is dating a sociopath and I make negative reports of her beloved – she’s going to ignore me or feel betrayed by me and in both cases hold tighter to the sociopath.

It breaks my heart to know first hand the damage being done and the grief to come.

Should we just tell our friends: Hey, by the way he’s a sociopath. – And then point out all the obvious things like: sociopaths are liars and bad actors. Sociopaths have a zillion women at once.

We could go for coffee – or text a  link to this light-handed, easy-to-digest article about sociopaths online in Clutch Magazine? Their post Is spot on regarding traits of  a sociopath listed at the end of the page. But is this too direct?

How much can we ever say to a friend when we don’t like the person they’re dating? 

What Do We Say to a Friend When They’re Dating a Narcissistic Sociopath?

To tell or not to tell? This is really a serious situation. And the difference between just supporting our friend, hinting he’s not good enough for her, or straight out breaking the: your man is a sociopath, news is significant.

Here’s What I Watched Happen: My friend hung onto him, she got fired from her job. She was evicted from the house they were renting. Her phone was cancelled for non-payment. Some of her belongings were “stolen.” She lost friends. She got pregnant by him, then had a miscarriage. She ignored her own life in favor of doing his bidding – without being asked. She spent all her energy on him. Chaos and drama were on the menu night and day.

Friends Dating a Sociopath Need True Friends

Stand by. Listen. Be there. Never judge. Study what a sociopath is. Study up on what normal humans do in normal relationships and realize our friend believed this was normal and while participating in “normal” the road became more and more twisted because – without them knowing it – nothing was normal.

With a sociopath we start out on a road we think is a mutual path paved with love into our own gorgeous land of harmony and possibility that exists because that’s what the two of us are “together.” There’s sunshine, birds singing, rainbows – but no rain – pots of gold, blue skies and hearts dancing and flitting around our heads like butterflies.

Our world feels like nirvana, heaven – the jackpot – the perfect life. We’re all in. Our new address is cloud nine. We relationship build, give, make, bake, create, fix, move forward, climb mountains to make things happen for us – because that’s what one does in fantastic relationships.

Without realizing it, we’re not making a magnificent masterpiece of a life on a bicycle built for two – we’re digging a gnarled, dark, deep, tangled hole into the center of hell – where we’re headed all by ourselves. We see this just as the sociopath trips off into his own disgusting future with all our things on his back in a rotting knapsack we mistook for his beautiful soul.

The life-shattering shock of realizing all was a lie has no words to tell it. 

Maintain confidence in our friends and their life. Give them the benefit of the doubt. – Have hope that is unshakable – a hope that is utter confidence that the very traits of goodness and loyalty he chose her for will save her escape from him.

And I remember: There is always possibility in the morning.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

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