These creatures infamously talk up a storm.
It’s a trademark of a narcissist or sociopath.
Contact is their full-time work to ensnare,
entrap, and keep prey locked in place.
Gaslighting. That confusing babble that oozes from their gobs nonstop. This tirade of conflicting and hurtful and ridiculous nonsense, unfortunately, spins us up off our feet and into a frenzy of trying to “talk about it”. We want to talk it out and resolve their concerns. So kind of us; so normal.
Continue readingIt’s normal to trust, believe and care.
It’s 100% abnormal not to.
We can’t understand abnormal by looking at it from normal.
So, let’s look at it for their side without our rose-colored glasses.
Narcissistic people who are in the zone of pathological narcissism know that they don’t have relationships. Even though they step up to us with this mesmerizing zinger, I’ve never met anyone like you before. They know they’re not stepping into a real relationship. We think they are; that we are.
The thing is, they aren’t saying what we think they’re saying. We naturally hear one thing, but they mean another. They don’t want a relationship, not even when they say, you’re my soulmate. Want to know why this is…?
Continue readingCan we smell a narcissist?
Does the sociopath have a certain aroma?
As their abnormal brain affects their physiology…
how does it show up?
These are entirely different “humans”. The way they think, speak, and behave is not a “choice”. It’s instinctive. Their fundamental “self” is wired to use and take and get whatever they need and want. This “self” is pathological… meaning they’re driven by their brains which are not normal, yet are quite specific.
I wonder, since the sociopath’s abnormal brain affects their physiology how does this show up in all parts of their being? We know a lot of the things that they each have in common as creatures of this sort. (Or the “narcissist’s” if you’re on that terminology even with all it’s pitfalls and misconceptions.)
They’re fundamentally and pathologically identical monster to monster.
Continue readingCan you smell a sociopath?
Does a narcissist have a certain aroma?
As their abnormal brain affects their physiology…
how does it show up?
These are entirely different “humans”. The way they think, speak, and behave is not a “choice”. It’s instinctive. Their fundamental “self” is wired to use and take and get whatever they need and want. This “self” is pathological… meaning they’re driven by their brains which are not normal, yet are quite specific.
I wonder since the sociopath’s abnormal brain affects their physiology how does this show up in all parts of their being? We know a lot of the things that they each have in common as creatures of this sort.
They’re fundamentally and almost thoroughly identical pathological beast to pathological monster. For example, we know in their heads lies are real and real is made up.
Continue readingAfter a sociopath or narc
blows through your world, privacy really matters.
You can remain anonymous and get your life back.
Privacy and anonymity matter after a narc or sociopath rampages through our life. Go full no contact and get off marketing call lists too! And… raise your credit score after they trashed it.
Let’s be real. In the aftermath, our PTSD minds are filled with fear. There’s a time period of terror after the sociopath is gone, and after no contact, we’re still spooked. For sure. Maybe for a while, that’s okay. It’s also normal. And honestly, caution is wise and reasonable.
Privacy now becomes a real issue that may have been very much on the back burner before we were burned by a sociopath or narcissist. Here’s how we can keep our privacy and still participate in the digital world.
Continue readingWe think it’s love but fall into a world of hell.
A hell that for all its pain, we can recover from.
True love scam as a reality – beyond scary movies and television shows – is coming into focus like never before. How bizarre it feels to know something’s wrong, something needs to be fixed but you can’t pinpoint what it is or name it.
Finding yourself in a relationship nightmare as I did in 2012, you likely whipped out your laptop or smartphone to google away for answers. This search for information begins for most of us when you’re feeling that something’s wrong, yet you can’t put your finger on it, and nothing you do changes it, or makes things better.
Continue readingThings looking bleak, feeling uninspired,
and just plain worse?
Holiday cheer can turn to holiday blahs
and intermingle with PTSD.
Post “Holiday Season” there’s special brand of the blues that can hit us in our heart and soul. Even mid-holiday season, our emotions can take a nosedive. Though not much is said about it, for most people feel a lag in our energy and inspiration after the holidays. And this year… geez louise.
Continue readingWe’re encouraged and pushed to “move on”.
People give us a look and say,
“Omg, you’re still talking about that guy?”
Don’t let others shove us into thinking
we’re better before we really are.
People ask me, how long will it take before I feel normal again… And my answer is: it takes as long as it takes. And: it’s up to you.
I want to tell you, what you feel is perfect. Whatever you think about them and about what the “relationship” was – is okay. Checking up to see where they live now, or if they moved is cool… If they still take up space in your head, that’s okay.
The scenarios of what you should-have-said-instead-of-what-you-did-say and the replays of what they said… Those are okay as well. They do indicate healing is still in progress. You need all of that because it’s the material that you can combine, mix, and reposition with other key ingredients to reach full recovery.
Continue readingSo ya met a cutie.
And holy-moly, my word do they l-o-v-e- you!
It’s nuts! They can’t stop texting,
calling, messaging…
They are hung-up on you, baby!
Love bombing is the name we give to those flirty texts that don’t stop. The messaging that begins even before a first date and from the moment you meet this gorgeous heart-throb. They often roll-out, day-one with the habitual “good morning beautiful“.
Readers of this website of mine realize that I’m female and can catch bits of my story to know the maniac who I married was male – a male sociopath.
I have however done enough recovery coaching with both males and females pursued by female sociopaths to know that female sociopaths do the same aggressive messaging, initiating the dance of fraud that we think is true love.
Turn the tables… you decide what winning is.
In any case, male, female, non-binary, trans – any gender love has nothing to do with love bombing. Sociopaths have a different brain. Parts of it do not function. The missing part is the part that feels love, connects and bonds with and cares about others.
Sometimes we meet a person who we’re suddenly, magnetically drawn to and it seems like an a-m-a-z-i-n-g person on the face of the earth. Like bananas amazing. This is highly likely a sociopath.
Other times meeting a sociopath right out of the gate we can only think: eeeew, they’re kinda yucky. Sociopaths, as the hunters they are, must persevere and sort through many many people before they hit on that one that clicks.
Love bombing is the way sociopaths drive the hook in and reel in their loot: us. Contact with us from their slimy, slithering hypnotic-self is their only method they have to hunt and ensnare prey.
They lay out this barrage of flattery, query, compliment, suggestive-patter of nonsense, declarations of our beauty and all the rest as are their only verbal tool for reeling in a juicy new human.
Their silent charm is the main and most powerful attribute that hooks their intended target. Though we might feel it rising from them and wrapping into our flesh like a human-eating vine, this “charm” is not a skill. They have it from birth. Some become more practiced than others in the little snips of bait and tricks they learn along the way.
In order to grab us, from moment-one they’ve got to get busy presenting their inherent quality of magnetism (coercive control that we interpret as charm or charisma) through constant contact: that’s all they’ve got.
After all, they’ve been predators and parasites their entire lives. Our response whether immediately tumbling under their inborn quality of hypnotic coercive control, or straining against it in resistance, they are compelled to plunge ahead. – We are the ones who stop it.
Even though we feel they do things skillfully and find their tactics as impressive: they are not. Please, let’s set that notion aside when we catch ourselves feeling it.
We see them and interpret what they do as “genius”, or think, “they’re really good at this” because we’d never think of making such brazen or persistent efforts, and because we wouldn’t have this impact on others if we wanted to.
This is because we aren’t innately endowed with dark-and-evil-coercive control. They were simply born with this quality of mesmerizing others as their way to survive.
We, on the other hand, survive and thrive by our natural and DNA-wired quality of connection to others. In order to end the spell, we must break that connection and stop ourselves from continuing it. – They certainly won’t willingly drop the brand new piece of tasty plump human they’ve got by their fangs. – Why would they?
We’ve got myriad options to stop love bombing: but only one of them is effective. Can you decide which is best from those listed here?
Hilarious as I am, this is the truth. The only way to effectively stop love bombing is to literally: Stop It.
This – blocking – is the only language or message or action a pathological user understands. It means something to them and gets our message across while removing ourselves from the equation of their hunt. So:
Blocking during the early days of initial love bombing or after twelve ragged years of torment – either way and at any time, this is the only way to end the love bombing, hoovering, insults, flattery, promises, lies: stop all that bait.
Set yourself free by blocking, blocking, blocking. That would be the answer. We test many possibilities to end it, from hoping we can just say to them: I’m not interested, to please don’t call me anymore. None of that normal human stuff is going to have an effect. In fact, that simply gives them something to work with to haul us in.
Believe this: they are used to people blocking them. It won’t be a surprise. It will make them rage because they don’t like to lose their toys, but you won’t have to see that – because you blocked them! Congratulations!!!!
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So! You’ve just met someone new!
Out of the blue and you’re on cloud nine.
Vibin’ like crazy!
Have you had that incoming early morning text: good morning beautiful? A few hours later: you’re on my mind. Another text: I miss you. Afternoon text: I can’t stop thinking of your smile… Late-night text: what did you do today? And later night text: sleep tight.
I know how amazing it feels! And also I know that if it had stayed feeling good, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. I’m so sorry you crossed paths with someone who can drop you like a hot potato like it was all nothing. – Because you are not nothing. You’re real and amazing and you’re gorgeous inside and out.
Continue reading