Mankeeping: Women Carry The Weight

ManKeeping refers to the ages-old
act of women carrying
men’s emotional weight.
When entangled “in love” with a “narcissist”
we carry their entire lives.

Mankeeping is a thing, and though this trending terminology is new, the task itself has been going on since the beginning of time. This term – mankeeping – has risen out of change. As is the way with humans, social evolution has carried in a wave, cresting in a tipping point.

Now, women in rising numbers are no longer willing to perform the eons old task, and in standing up against it have given it a name: mankeeping.

Women Taking Care of Men

Mankeeping is the act – the task – of women managing and handling men’s emotions. Of reading, assessing, recognizing, tolerating, supporting and sorting through men’s emotions. It amounts to wading our way through men’s emotional lack or ineptness.

Mankeeping is a task fallen to women since the beginning of time managing even guessing at men’s emotions. When that “man” is a parasitic predator we hold up their entire lives while trying to fathom and rationalize their emotions.

It’s a thing and women are sick of it. Women used to eat this stuff up! It was the expected burden – and honor – of being a woman and a good wife. And if that man you were “keeping” was a parasitic predator the stakes are incredibly higher…and still are. These creatures are a blackhole of mankeeping.

Mankeeping Isn’t New

Ironically, in the worst case scenarios, men who are unable to manage or recognize their own emotions, think nothing of overriding other’s emotions. This is especially true when that “man” is what we call a sociopath, or a “narcissist”.

The pain of this is real. Even among women who are in a dynamic with a normal human male, we’ve taken care of men’s emotions well, since just about always.

Men’s Emotions Taking Precedent over Women’s

For just about always women have dodged, absorbed, interpreted, managed, redirected, and silently side-stepped men’s emotional outbursts. Outbursts they seem to have a “right” to. They get to let it all out and we bear or dodge men’s intense and sometimes scary emotional expressions of sadness, frustration, disappointment. Women and absorb and deflect and hold men’s anger to a degree that can amount to abuse.

Along with the rough emotions, women traditionally shared – and share – in a man’s more positive emotions. Women take on their man’s happiness at success, achievement and the like as if it were our own. And all too often for too many centuries, in lieu of our own.

Women have managed the full range of men’s emotions in myriad ways. Typically women also handle the “couple’s “couple” social calendar, and interactions with friends and the emotions involved in friendships.

Mankeeping is a lot of work…unthanked, unrecognized and exhausting work. It’s not surprising that in the 21st century, things on the emotional front have changed. Women helping their men sort their emotions and “do the work” of personal growth for their men is worn out. Women are tired of mankeeping. So much so that for many women, mankeeping has become a reason to stay single.

Mankeeping Studies by Stanford University

So why are women now done with the mankeeping? What has changed? Well, women have gotten tired of carrying the load. So much so that this topic is forefront in the work of researchers! A group of researchers at Stanford University coined the phrase “mankeeping” to explain this womanly task that has become too much to bear.

So here we are, über-mankeeping, manufacturing emotions the sociopath doesn’t feel, rationalizing their coldness or disinterest or abuse and trying to protect ourselves, and our kids or family members from the sociopath’s emotional coercion.

Researches at Pew Research Center say that men’s social circles have declined to the point that all the men’s emotional needs, and emotional dependence has fallen to the women in their lives. A post doctoral fellow, Angelica Ferrara identifies mankeeping as an important and overlooked component of patriarchal social structures, in which case, recognizing and naming this form of gendered labor may be important for making women’s emotional work more visible–and hopefully, more equal.

Mankeeping On the Decline

Their findings state that men’s social circles have declined in the past ten years. This matters because friendships and our social circles are where critical social and emotional skillsets, such as listening, empathy, and reciprocity, are formed intentionally, developed and rewarded so that they become a part of our character.

And to further this the study says that men in the U.S.A. and the U.K. are – still – attempting to be “alpha” men who need no one. (Really? What year is it?!) Ostensibly, without male friends, men are now leaning hard on women for their emotional and social needs and this has caused women to back off of dating, let alone hop into a marriage or partner up. Why would we? We take care of ourselves… And then also taking care of them is just too exhausting.

Mankeeping if You Married a “Narcissist”

Okay. By “narcissist”, I mean sociopath, which is a psychopath in our experience of them, but let’s toss these names and just think “parasitic predator” or “pathological user”. Or con man or woman. Fraudster, or criminal.

If you’re entangled in what you think is relationship with one of these creatures – these parasitic predators – you’re doing more than the average job of mankeeping. You’re doing everything.

Ensnared and “in a relationship’ with a parasitic predator we hold up their entire lives. We make their lives function. All the way from bill paying and organizing everything to trying to sort through emotions we imagine they’re having. Talk about exhausting. And crazy making.

Mankeeping the Parasitic Predator

As women in female mode, when we’re “in love” with someone we think is normal but is in truth a narcissist / sociopath /psychopath we do what normal women in a relationship do. We mankeep. Organize, sort, arrange, step up, make happen, make allowances, give the benefit of the doubt, and rationalize.

It’s automatic when under the spell of a parasitic predator that we instantly “do” for them. This is not voluntary. I reapeat: the things we do for these maniacs is not voluntary. The effect of the mesmerizing stun-gun of a sociopath is that we “do” for them.

Compound this with the natural mankeeping element of being female and you can see the disaster before it explodes. Every positive (and not so great) characteristic about us as normal humans is twisted, warped, bent and reformed to the sociopathic creatures advantage the moment we think they’re “kinda cute”… Or more likely, the most amazing person we’ve ever met.

We Each Mankeep or Womankeep the Predator

Here’s the deal-io. Male, female, non-binary, whatever… The effect of a sociopathic parasitic predator on one of us bound under their spell, or even lightly brushed by it, is unavoidable, and the action on our part is that we “do” for them. We do, and do, and do until we’re flat as a pancake and empty and confused.

We are twisted into pretzels for their personal gain. – This is an innate and automatic response and function…it is how a parasite survives. This is how a predator ensnares its prey. We are not doing this because we want to, and they aren’t sure how it works. Yep. Let that sink in.

We Mankeep and Hold Them Up from the Practical to Emotional

Now: Sure, we make the life happen from the fridge having food in it to the kids being picked up to the bills being paid because they sure as shootin” don’t. – Even if it looks like they do, they don’t. Keep looking. You’ll see it.

Emotionally they are empty. Aside from contempt, greed, want, rage, anger, delight at stealing and taking, Glee at getting what they want and more, these parasitic predators (sociopaths / psychopaths), have no other emotions. in the beginning and maybe for a very long time: we don’t know that. We assume they do have human emotions.

Certainly we notice they don’t seem to care as much about the dog dying as we do, or as someone ought to. So, we mankeep. With normal human grace and compassion we decide there’s a “reason” they aren’t as sad about the dog as we are.

Lack of Emotional Intelligence

Not only do sociopaths not feel emotions as we do, they don’t think others do and don’t understand other’s emotions. If they find someone’s emotions and feelings inconvenient, the sociopath (“narcissist”) belittles that feeling the other person is living, and skirts around it or forces the other person to do/be what they want them to do or be.

For example, let’s say we realize they want to force our kid to do something the kid is afraid to do. Such as dive into the deep end of a pool. Get on a bike for the first time. – Or go off with them alone for an overnight or weekend visit.

“Narcissists” – that Sociopath – Sees the World from One Angle

Remember that the predator at all times needs to look like a “good guy”. So, in this kind of scenario they chide and tease and force the child. They might humiliate, ridicule or beat a kid that won’t do what this nut bag wants the kid to do.

Though we can see that yelling at a kid doesn’t make anyone look like a “good guy”, they’re seeing something else. They’re focus is on the fact that a disobedient kid makes them look “wrong” – and “Wrong” doesn’t add up to being hte “good guy” in their minds. remember they see themselves, not others.

Emotional Coercion Hammers Us Down

More than once I’ve heard of the parasitic predator declare that the child – or an adult who isn’t acting like the sociopath wants them to, doesn’t “know how they feel” and “doesn’t know what they want” and we need to “make them do it”.

So here we are, über-mankeeping, manufacturing emotions the sociopath doesn’t feel, rationalizing their coldness or disinterest or abuse and trying to protect ourselves, and our kids or family members from the sociopath’s emotional coercion. We über-mankeep, guessing at emotions the sociopath doesn’t feel, to shied ourselves from their coldness and emotional coercion. And the truth is: there’s no one there.

Breaking Through the Fog to End Mankeeping

When we begin to see through the deception, there’s a break in the fog bank. Our very best mankeeping can’t cover up the holes in their stories forever. So, as we get enough of these glimpses behind the curtain we see that they don’t have positive emotions. Their lack of concern or caring pops out in 3-D. They truly don’t care, we can step back to ourselves and end the mankeeping. Observe them. See what’s what.

You’ll see they have nothing, are nothing. There is no one there. Without realizing it, we’ve constructed what and who they are from our point of view of life and normal-ness. We do this with all people, including the psycho.

This is a normal function of humans. And these maniacs aren’t sure what it is that keeps us believing them, but they count on it. Equally, these creatures expect the day we see too much. They prepare for it from the first “hello”. When you finally see too much… keep your lips zipped, observe them, and make an exit plan.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

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