Sociopaths Sex Lives

The stereotype is that sociopaths are great in bed.
They pose as monogamous, as players, as in love, as hurt last time around.
Take your pick – It’s all a lie.
A hotbed of cognitive dissonance.

Sociopaths sex lives are integral to their game. In other words – sex is a major tool in the sociopath’s kit. (Not to mention what a tool every sociopath is, if you’ll pardon the pun.)

Sociopaths sex lives are robust, filled with many, many – a whole lotta – “lovers” simultaneously. The most common question men asked about my entanglement with a sociopath and his bevy of women was: “How did he get so many women!

Incredible, though not surprising.

Unless we’re in it – or have gotten out of it, understanding the sociopath’s gut-grabbing effect and uncanny level of influence isn’t possible.

Sociopaths have undue influence and a kind of magnetic pull. That’s how we ended up here. – Not because we’re stupid – which is what we might hear from others who haven’t had this hideous experience. They can’t know unless they’ve been in it.

Sociopaths exist in every gender, social class or economic class.

And just for the record this covers male or female sociopaths. They’re alike and identical… except in one aspect. Female sociopaths only have kids if they can use them as lunch money. Male sociopaths can’t seem to stop procreating and leaving children all over the globe like so many crumpled candy wrappers. — For now, let’s talk turkey about the inside secrets of sociopaths sex lives. The real deal behind closed doors. Orrr… the uhm, real fake deal.

Sociopaths Sex Lives

1) Are fake.
2) The sociopath feels nothing emotionally.
3) Sex for a sociopath is an animalistic compulsion.
4) Sex for a sociopath is a highly effective tool of manipulation.
5) Sex for a sociopath is all in a day’s work – frequently several times a day.
6) Sociopaths are pan or omni-sexual and without any positive emotional connection.
7) Sociopaths avoid real intimacy during sex.
8) Sex with a sociopath is mind-blowingly awesome.
9) Sex with a sociopath is cold and non-connecting.
10) Sex with a sociopath can be rare and near non-existent.
11) Sex with a sociopath can be sexual abuse – or rape.

Sociopaths Sex Lives – The Deets – Nothing is Real

Here’s how these factors play out, one by one:

Points 1, 2 & 3: It goes without saying, or needs to be said repeatedly at every opportunity: everything about a sociopath is fake. Their life is lies, and they feel nothing except ceaseless want, and anger. Anger at losing their gains and scams. Want of wealth and power, which brings bottomless envy and jealousy and hatred for those who have it. – Sociopaths despise us for having feelings and caring – not because they want to be able to feel as we do – but, because they find us ridiculous for caring. Sociopaths have a different brain. Sociopaths live in a world of conflicted emptiness. Do. Not. Pity. Them. – After all, sociopaths hate us. They don’t need our pity. They absolutely adore being what they are.

Points 4 & 5: Sociopaths use sex to manipulate and control their prey. Sociopaths use the fact that sex means something BIG  in order to  build our attachment to them. We think it’s love. Love is all about the chemistry of sexual attraction. There is scientific evidence demonstrating women attach to men after making love with biochemical changes. And, girls, we know it’s true however it’s explained by science, however hip and with it and however understanding and accepting we think we need to be on the concept of ‘friends with benefits’. – It. Doesn’t. Work. Sex equals intimacy equals love equals us giving him the shirts off our backs. The sociopath knows this. The sociopath uses sex to control us. All of us. ‘Cause he’s got a whole gaggle of targets and prey at any given moment and must service and bind any number of women to him on any given day. For a sociopath sex equals conquest equals the bonus of the sexual chemical rush.

Point 6: It doesn’t matter if we’re a girl or a boy. Sociopaths don’t want us to know this, but it follows, since people represent absolutely nothing to sociopaths beyond usefulness in fulfilling their greed and need. Because sociopaths feel no positive bonding emotions. Period. Pretty simple. – As long as we have something they want – they can pretend to want us.

Point 7: There are common threads of behavior during sex with a sociopath. They typically don’t make eye contact. Additionally, in the afterglow many sociopaths want room in the bed – they spread out to keep distance between us. (If yours holds you, just imagine yourself a life-sized lifeless Teddy bear in his arms, or a body pillow that emanates heat. That’s how they see it.) Sociopaths find reasons to leave the bed we’re in and sleep elsewhere, or sleep at a different time of day. They appear around the house after showering or bathing nude, walking around happily naked. In contrast, in bed they may wear pajamas, or sweats or under ware. BUT – at first….

Point 8: Sex with a sociopath is mind-blowingly awesome. Sex with a sociopath seems like lovemaking at it’s finest. It feels we’ve finally met a man – or woman – who knows what making love is all about.

Point 9: Sex with a sociopath is cold. Yep. Yes-siree Bob. After a time the sociopath gets, well maybe tired of the chore of sex with us. It is a chore. It is their job. They feel nothing. They are not in love. How excited would any of us be to make love with someone we care nothing about? In fact, to make love with someone we despise? – We would cry! We would become so incredibly upset. – A sociopath feels none of that. A sociopath doesn’t feel. That coldness is the blank were caring and real love are meant to be. Sociopaths don’t want to connect with anything but our wallet or our citizenship, or our property – or all three.

Point 10: Sex with sociopaths becomes rare. Well. Sure. See points 1 through 9. – At the phase when sex became rare between my faker and me, and he resisted physical intimacy in our ‘fauxlationship’, I opened my MacBook and Googled like crazy. I used the search phrase: my husband won’t have sex with me. I got results. They were all about a nice and convenient (for him) condition called: sexual anorexia, or intimacy anorexia.

I thought I had discovered that my husband was a sexual anorexic. He fit every criteria. Though deeply saddened, true to my loyal character, the one he chose me for – I was ready to take on the challenge of healing him – together. The two of us. Doable. Unstoppable. This gave him the three extra months he used to ruin my financial status and steal from me behind my back. The moral: Follow our gut asap. Don’t let anything sway us from acting decisively on that feeling that something is deeply wrong – not even ourselves. And know: We can not fix someone else. Take care of ourselves.

Point 11: Sex with a sociopath can seem like sexual abuse. Well. Uhm. Yah. Directly and indirectly. Sex usually starts out great. Over the moon. Yadda-yadda. Then it can become sporadic or – weird. Sociopaths have different styles of initiating sexual union. Soft, sideways, animalistic or aggressive – mimicking sweet love or mutual passion.

Sociopaths Use Sex to Hold Onto Prey

Sociopaths are completely disconnected during sex other than establishing control over us or going for a high. – Remember they have no emotions so sex is a bodily chemical high. They may give excuses for not having sex – childhood trauma, or they need their energy for other things. They might call us fat or ugly – we’re not. They are not normal. They aren’t in love, they see sex as a chore to control us. If they can control us another way – like by upsetting us – or yelling at us – or hitting us – or ignoring us – they will. They may protest when we want sex, they might put us down for wanting intimacy as if we’re some kinda ‘ho. You all know what I’m talking about here. There is every flavor or emotional abuse with a sociopath.

Don’t Feel Sorry for a Sociopath

Consider: We could go on and on for hours of philosophical discussions about whether or not we should have compassion for the sociopath. About whether or not sociopaths are human or monster. Did they mean it?! Do they have a soul? Do they have the potential for recovery? Do they possess an innate Buddha nature? Is there redemption for them? – Or will they rot in hell.

Following this train of consideration could feed cognitive dissonance if we’re in recovery or just escaping our madman. Cognitive dissonance is when two thoughts or ideas about the same topic or value conflict, and opposing in our minds, clash – creating dissonance. We feel uneasy or super confused depending on the importance of the idea, value or moment in question. It can make us feel crazy.

We’re Normal and Gorgeous

Cognitive dissonance occurs constantly when we’re with a sociopath. We unknowingly support their lies and give them the benefit of the doubt. We fill in their stories to ourselves, and others, so that the sociopath’s tale makes sense and he or she shines with excellence in our hearts and to the outside world. And cognitive dissonance plays with us again after we see behind the mask – we question our glimpse of the truth. We doubt the truth.

We console ourselves: “Well… maybe he really isn’t that bad….” or, “That night, when we gazed up at the moon in Paris… that night was REAL…! – Sadly – it wasn’t.

The thing is: We are our own Angels.
We’re made of everything we need to survive and thrive.

And most beautifully, it is our need to live in harmony rather than dissonance – cognitive or any other kind – that let’s us finally see through the sandstorm of lies. Our deep human need for harmony, our capacity to love, our empathy – when turned towards ourselves – activates our ability to see the truth in spite of the doubts. It awakens the healing. Our humanity sets us free.

For the sake of our safety and recovery from our whirlwind with a sociopath a discussion of their potential to manifest true humanity is a dangerous trail to go down. Now is the time to brush up on the characteristics of a sociopath and the five stages of true love scam. Reframe the nightmare. Get strong. Take your stress vitamins. Take care of ourselves as we cycle through the 4 stages of true love scam recovery and come out the other side fuller, stronger, better and so much happier! We are our own Angels. We are Super Heroes.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Consider a True Love Scam Recovery Session with Jennifer Smith

Join the confidential true love scam email list.
New posts & encouragement fly to your inbox.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

True Love Scam on Tumblr.


See the entire and full True Love Scam Privacy Policy, Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.