Narcissists are nasty, but they aren’t Sociopaths.
Sociopaths are monsters who are narcissistic.
Dump them all and be happy!
There are vast differences between the two and lots of confusion about which is what.
It doesn’t help that most materials written on this ever-growing topic describe the traits and actions of a Sociopath — but call them a Narcissist, or Narc or a Narcopath. – As sensitive, emotional humans, it makes sense to soft pedal whats going on, but it causes confusion where we need clarity.
In our quest for happiness we’re best without either of these two.
Calling a Sociopath a Narcissist is a fairly natural thing to do. Sociopaths are “narcissistic” – 100% self-focused and self-centered. This is narcissism to be sure. And the word “Sociopath” sounds so much more horrific and ominous and sounds too close to that horror: Psychopath. Well. Yes. On all counts… because it is. “Narc” or “Narcopath” are euphemisms, colloquialisms, slang – made-up, easier-to-handle, easier to say names for the much uglier truth of a Sociopath.
What’s a Psychopath…? That’ll be another article.
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I’ll keep you posted.
The thing is there’s a medical diagnosis, Narcissist and a medical diagnosis, Sociopath and they are two different things. Being described as a Sociopath when you’re in fact a Narcissist is not really fair to the Narcissist – to be honest, that’s how much worse Sociopaths are than Narcissists. – The medical diagnosis and agreement on NPD, Narcissists is flexy and uncertain – it’s been altered over the last few years and NPD has been all but eliminated in the 5th edition of the medical mental diagnostic manual, the DSM. Here’s a description of a Narcissist or what’s been called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD.
We do need more shades of meaning for the word assh–e.
Chances are if we call him or her a monster we’re confronting a Sociopath. Clinically, a Sociopath – or having Antisocial Personality Disorder or being an Antisocial Psychopath – these terms indicate the same beast, involves having a specific under-functioning brain that cannot be repaired. The difference matters a lot in getting away and recovery.
Whatever we call them – we don’t want them. We’re not doctors, we don’t want to be doctors or psychologists or neuroscientists – we do want to be happy. Where the difference between these two comes into play for us is in our lives, not mental health medical books.
Forget the clinical descriptions. Let’s look at the differences in real life.
First a look at Narcissists. Narcissists are unpleasant, yet essentially normal people whose unfortunate, emotionally immature and self-focused personalities spoil everything.
Narcissists have a snarky way about them. They can be nice or nasty one minute to the next, in front of anyone, to anyone, anywhere. Narcissists vary in levels of self-absorption from narcissist to narcissist. Some are only petty and annoying while some seem loony in the extent of their unflinching, closed-circuit “me-ness.” Sometimes it’s like no one else is in the room except them and their audience of self-approval. – It’s always a sad, frustrating, hard time talking with them or being close, feeling like it’s okay to say anything as friends, family and partners would.
Each Narcissist has their own way of being a pain in the derriere. (That’s French for caboose, behind, rear-end.) They aren’t especially predictable one to the other, but if you know a particular Narcissist you can begin to guess when their moods will shift from tolerable to caustic to mean. How they manifest caustic and mean varies depending on the individual Narcissist.
Here’s an example: Let’s say a neighbor draws you into conversation when she sees you getting the mail. You’ve learned to avoid her because it usually goes something like this: Neighbor: Nice day isn’t it? You: Yes, lovely. The Narcissist: I don’t know what to think about that so-and-so-in the news lately. You: It’s horrible isn’t it. We need to look into new policies or laws that stop this. The Narcissist: Well, don’t talk to me about that, that’s not my concern!! – Like a slap in the face. Every. Time.
Here’s a different Narcissist: Two seconds into a conversation with a big grin, So, you believe in God, don’t you, Bob? Don’t you know there is no God? This is the age of Nihilism. You: Great. – And you walk away. — You already know not to be dragged into their particular brand of antagonistic narcissism.
Narcissists have a chip on their shoulder.
They whip it out to bonk people on the head with.
This occurs at any random second during ordinary conversation.
Narcissists control the household, everyone is held hostage to their whims and expectations that revolve around themselves and their intense opinions. If we have a Narcissist parent we might find as we get older there’s a much sweeter world out there where we don’t all have to agree that Siamese cats are ugly or that eggs can’t be digested in the morning. We’ll find we aren’t inherently, eternally rotten for ruining their 38th birthday by falling off our training-bike at age four and breaking our arm. Or for robbing them of their “best umbrella” because the friend we loaned it to one rainy day after school 25 years ago never returned it.
Traits of Narcissists:
Begrudging of others’ happiness.
Think they’re fair and open-minded.
They’re jealous, but don’t think they are.
Resent and make pokes at people or things that take attention away from them.
They hang onto any chance to complain about or criticize someone; have strong opinions.
Retell moments from their past that carry inappropriately harbored emotional impact.
Have a sense of self-importance and can be indignant about people different from themselves.
Make backhanded insults and sharp put downs anywhere to or about anyone.
Are sometimes predictable about what sets off their mean streak.
Narcissists cause awkward moments with searing insults or “jokes” that cut like a razor.
They humiliate another person publicly to the total shock of everyone present.
They can be doctors, lawyers, bus drivers and hard workers or slackers.
They can be morally “upright” or not.
They may or may not abuse family members or loved ones physically.
Criticize loved one’s in public. Can demand loved ones look and behave a certain way in public.
Are overly empathetic towards people or circumstances they relate to or suffer with.
Turn conversations to their opinions, concerns – or lose interest in the conversation.
Theoretically a Narcissist can change their ways.
Being so self-absorbed, changing their ways is very unlikely.
Narcissist vs. Sociopath vs. Happy
Narcissists are impossible to please, make terrible mates, and rotten friends. At best they can be “okay” to spend time with if we go where they want to go for dinner and agree with them all night. At worst they make misery everywhere. When someone has nothing invested in any type of relationship with them things are easier. They can be funny or intelligent or not, their personalities vary. Conversation is sprinkled with the Narcissist’s acerbic and self-centered awareness. – If they’re drinkers or yellers or violent… it’s soooo much more harsh.
While some words used to describe a Sociopath and a Narcissist are similar – the depth and breadth of the manifestation of these semantics is light years apart.
What Narcissists Are and Are Not
Narcissists are not pathological liars. – Pathological means all is a lie. It means they can’t not lie. It means lying even when they don’t have too and about small things and big things. – That’s pathological lying. It’s not lying sometimes, or on some occasions or to some people; it’s lying all the time to everyone about all things because that’s how they’re wired. – (Sociopaths are pathological liars – even if we don’t yet see it. )
As a fundamental trait, all Narcissists are not this:
They don’t entrap people to live off them financially.
They don’t hijack people’s lives to sustain their own facade.
They don’t mimic and fake emotions to seem normal.
They don’t have criminal minds devoid of humanity.
We don’t need a diagnosis of their mental state to know what we’re standing in front of.
Sociopaths are Dangerous
Sociopaths are technically referred to as Antisocial Psychopaths, or as “having” Antisocial Personality Disorder or as Sociopaths. They are narcissistic, as in they think they’re all that, but they are a whole different thing from being a Narcissist. — Sociopaths are faaaaar worse. They can never change. Some are more savvy and have garnered more tricks for tapping our human emtions so they can use us than others. Their brains are missing the element that registers feelings of love, like, care, concern or compassion – for anyone. They are incapable of positive bonding feelings. Zero. If we think they have a heart, their mask is held in place by our great goodness and trust. We have a very hard time accepting, believing, seeing evil. – That’s normal.
Sociopaths have an abnormal brain. This can be seen in brain scans on children as young as three years of age. Their cold behavior stands out as young children. The portion of the brain that registers any positive bonding emotions doesn’t function.
They feel no love, like, care, concern, compassion for any person. Not their mom, their dad, their, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandparents, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, or their own children. Not strangers, coworkers or neighbors. They hold the same lack of care or connection to the postman that they do to their mother.
The younger they are the less experience, and so less skilled at conning typically. They begin to live fully by lying and scamming in their late teens and early twenty’s. They learn more about scamming and conning from each target and improve their bag of knowledge about what effects normal humans as time goes by.
Sociopaths Characteristics and Limitations in a Nutshell
Sociopaths destroy lives; we might not see all this at the moment, but it’s there. All Sociopaths intentions, needs, wants and their thinking is identical and predictable. – Every target does not become aware of the full resume of the Sociopath who hijacked them. – Don’t wait for more proof.
Everything is a lie. Many times even their name is a lie.
They tell the truth in odd moments, saying something very off like, “I don’t have empathy.”
They try to imitate normal human emotions, but feel none, though they can pretend to.
They do not bond with anyone.
They adore being sociopaths.
Sociopaths target kind, loving, empathetic, strong, independent, loyal amazing people.
They feel no love, no like, no care or concern for anyone. Not even us.
Out and about they strive to be charming, kind, smart, funny, sexy, entertaining a hero.
Immediately they create a sense of having met our soul mate or best friend ever.
Sociopaths move quickly to escalate the relationship.
They win trust of a target, take, ruin and smear targets before and after they leave.
Sociopaths have several children and spouses. Males have more children.
They do not love their children, but pretend they do to look good in order to use people.
Sociopaths hide some relationships and make others public.
They work hard to look good in front of others.
Their faces and physical appearance change depending on circumstances.
They deliberately treat their partner very well in public or around family.
They keep many scam girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, or business scams at one time.
They can be male or female and con and seduce people of both sexes.
This can be hard to see, but they don’t live from work, but live off others.
If they work, it’s not what it seems and fails.
They’ll commit crimes to shift blame or avoid being caught – or just because.
Sociopaths ignore our texts or calls, and expect us to answer theirs.
They show up when they want to not based on when we need them or expect them.
Or they sit home endlessly.
They’re so, so busy and unavailable.
Or you can’t get them off the couch.
They text others and are online nearly constantly and consistently.
Sociopaths think they’re a victim; they tell stories of others doing them wrong.
Sexually anyone and anything is fair-game – because love has nothing to do with it.
They walk a thin line between illegal acts and legal behavior.
Sociopaths steal from targets, their prey (that means us), from anyone they want to.
They tend to steal things that are valuable, irreplaceable or sentimental to us.
They avoid sex with primary or select partners.
At the same time they’re highly sexually active and promiscuous with others.
They’re night owls with erratic sleeping patterns.
They seem accomplished in some area or field – they aren’t – it’s swallow and fake.
They all have a varied combo of this and hide it: Other identities, kids, wives, husbands, divorces, annulments, crimes such as forgery, blackmail, fraud, false claims, nonpayment of taxes, porn, unusual sex related practices, money, debt, prostitution, violence, assault, rape, gambling, jail time, pedophilia, omni-sexuality, alcohol use, and drug habits.
How Sociopaths Function
They feel no remorse, or guilt or shame… or anything other than desire. Desire for money, clothes, food, shelter, cars, status – anything and everything that comes from anyone but themselves. They live off of other people entirely as parasites. They have no relatable human emotions. Any expression of care, like, love, connection is faked. It’s a game to them. They mimic normal humans to create trust and bonding with people they target for the purpose of taking from them. Then ruining them. Then smearing them.
Sociopaths are Narcissistic – As in the Verb “To Be Narcissistic”
Sociopaths are entirely self-absorbed and have myopic view that they’re better than everyone by a zillion miles, that they deserve whatever they take from anyone, and that we as their victims deserve whatever they do to us. – And they can be incredibly concerned about their looks.
They have stories of being victims repeatedly, in business, at work, by lovers, by strangers, by “haters”… Essentially – they’re nuts. They’re charming and deluded monsters. They carry out new ploys on a whim and constantly have a stable of multiple targets. They are always looking for new targets. Sociopaths who do hold actual jobs stay in them on the backs of others and do little aside from taking credit for others accomplishments and ideas and attempting to make themselves look amazing.
They like to impress us with their skills – and work as little as possible.
They’re improvisational – they’ll switch main prey suddenly if something changes, or they come up with a different idea. They’ll do impulsive things to protect themselves and even be violent to defend their security. They’ll put themselves at risk of being arrested or caught by impulsive behavior that’s meant to keep themselves from being found out. To get something very close within their grasp they’ll cross lines – or walk a very fine line between legal and illegal like balancing a tight rope wire.
They lie always. What they say and do is to get what they want. It’s a lie or a mislead. Even when they let out bizarre snips of truth about themselves. This is also to pull empathy by seeming vulnerable, or pulling out trust by seeming to be able to admit weaknesses such as, “I try to have empathy, I just don’t.”
They are career scammers. It’s how they live. They’re often addicted to a drug, alcohol or porn or gambling. They hide this. They’re genderless and omni-sexual. They hide this. Sex means nothing to them except as a control tactic and as an animalistic release.
Chances are, many of us who thought we were breaking up with something
called a Narc, a Narcissist or a Narcopath
are in fact, escaping an Antisocial Psychopath – a Sociopath.
Sociopaths are not Narcissists. Narcissists are mean, nasty, unpredictable, create utter misery. Sociopaths present a façade of a person who does not exist. They mimic normal human emotions to gain trust and then take from and use any people they target. They leave destruction and ruin in their wake.
For the Happy, in a simplistic and obvious few words: stay away from all of the above! : ) Reframe the nightmare with a sociopath.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Time to thrive!
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