Category Archives: GRIEF & LOSS

Narcissistic Sociopaths Secretly Love The Holidays

The alchemy that makes up these nightmares
is a mix of the sociopath’s psyche and what goes on inside normal
human beings, rooted  in our innate goodness.

During the holidays normal people want things merry and bright. We have family visiting, kids to make memories for, traditions to uphold, trees to decorate, cookies to bake, presents to wrap.

It’s never easy to grasp the real-deal stark reality of what’s going on in these hijackings – the secrets, the subtext and hidden motivations of these creatures when we’re in the initial throes of the struggle clearing the fog to confirm the person we love is a monster – the holiday season is the bitterest time of all for decoding what’s up.

It’s horrifying, revolting and nauseating to see what sociopaths really intend.
Drilling down to the raw guts of what’s going on is a necessary skill. 

Going deeper to see their motivation takes wading up to our necks into exhausting, counterintuitive territory, into thinking that’s not natural, but mimics the way these beasts think. At Christmas or Kwanza this doesn’t go down well no matter how much egg nog we gulp with it – we put this aside and make nice for family, for the kids, and because we’re bone-breakingly weary.

Embrace our lives with compassion. 

We readily find more palatable explanations for their behavior that keeps us afloat, but in pain we console ourselves to live with, at least for now. Humans would rather suffer, stewing in comforting platitudes: “Life isn’t fair,” “Relationships aren’t easy,” or “Nothing’s perfect.”

We’d rather live in discomfort, bear a cross or carry a scar than see someone else look bad, especially someone we love. And yet, on the flip side, we tripped into the trap of a sociopath based on platitudes of the opposite camp: “Dreams do come true,” “Prince Charming is out there,” “It was meant to be.” — We’re a strange lot, us humans; imperfectly perfect and all around gorgeous, full of flaws and foibles… but at the end of the day we’re honest, loving, kind and we care… oh, how we care.

If we can’t delve into the truth as November fades onto December, we must once January hits… there’s so much more to it all and such a better ending if we can only keep seeking, keep asking and accept no scars, no compromise, no “victim blaming,” no “codependent” label, no shame, and take no responsibility for the sociopath’s inhumanity.


p style=”text-align: center;”>Why is it these freaks secretly love the holidays?

‘Tis the Season.
Our holiday sentimentality makes us easy pickin’s

Sociopaths Secretly L.O.V.E. the Holidays

The sociopath argues and kicks to avoid our family gatherings, plays sick, feigns depression, an emergency takes them out of town… anything to get out of showing up at our side clutching a bottle of wine or poinsettia plant on our parents doorstep Christmas Eve or any night of Hanukkah. – They care so little, we’re so low on their radar it’s one more heartbreak when we don’t even get a gift from them.

Never forget everything they do and say is for gaining their own agenda.

Why Do Sociopaths Avoid Our Holiday Family Gatherings?

In truth sociopaths love the holidays, but not for the reasons we do; they have no use for spending the holidays with prey that’s already in their pocket. They prefer and need to be elsewhere for their own survival.

Narcissistic Sociopaths Secretly Love the Holidays

The Holidays are a wonderful time of year… to scoop up and nail down new prey or swoop back around to pull in “ex” prey. Having observed that we’re sentimental, more vulnerable, lonelier, and swooning at the magic of the season, sociopaths can’t miss this chance of pinging our emotions and prying open our hearts, to grab and squeeze for all we’ve got.

The dirt-bags aren’t sick or too depressed… they can’t come with us to dad’s house because they have three other targets to visit at this hopeful time of year. Of eight, or twelve. This is prime hunting season.

To new prey, to the “ex” the loser suddenly seems sentimental and romantic easily entangling vulnerable souls with a (false) marriage proposal or a hint at “more.” They embed and ingratiate themselves: “I know your mom’s is in town, let me take you out to dinner, to the Christmas tree lighting, to the Weinachtzeit bizarre… let me show you around town.“

This sentimental season inherently gives more bang for their pathetic bait and hooks. Since we’re more emotional, the sociopath appears doubly generous, charming, loving, devoted, fresh, exciting – a genuine Christmas miracle.

As a new “love” just introduced to mom or our brother their surface gloss is appropriately formal, diffident and polite; juxtapose this with what we do as normal humans: read our own meaning into what other’s do and say from our emotional map… and we’re a cooked goose served up on a silver platter.

Caught in the spirit of the season, the sociopath does little while we imbue their gestures with greater significance than at any other time of year. They get in deeper, faster, quicker performing their lame repertoire of silly bits when there’s tinsel on the tree or a menorah on the sideboard.

Sick? Depressed…? On a business trip? Nope – they’re wanting to get away to snoop-on old targets who kicked them out, visit hidden wives, take bikes to kids we know nothing about – and most of all lock in that new-bit they lifted last Wednesday while pretending to work late. They’re way to busy to hang with us, we’re already nailed down. – They do the same with our birthdays… we’re not on any list when we’re in the bag.

Sociopaths absolutely adore the holidays. 

Remember, everything a sociopath does or says is to appear normal, to get what they want, to cover up what they are and to use and take more, to keep it and to go free. We’ll never see what’s happening using our own emotional thinking based in our own human, limbic, mammal brains. We aren’t the ones doing these things – they are… think like a sociopath to reveal what they’re up to – it isn’t personl, it’s all about them.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

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What Am I Supposed to do With All This Loss?

We lose things, money, cars, kids, friends, time, innocence.
We lose our sense of place in the world.
Nothing is where we left it. Nothing is what we thought it was.

Living a life we think is real, then seeing enough to know it’s not, but something dark and mean and from a world we know nothing about is hard, hard, hard.

It’s takes our breath away. Stops our hearts and brings up last night’s dinner. A lump in our throats, pooling tears make a blur of all but our pain as our bodies fall from the waist and our heads keen to the earth.

A scream of horror would rail it’s way from solar plexus to our neighbor’s living rooms and down the street to the donut shop if our lungs hadn’t collapsed at the smack of the punch to our being.

We’re knocked to the floor when we discover we’ve been living a lie.

Dispair rolls over us all day, for days and days as each new lying bit of our lives flutters through our minds. When will it end? When will we feel normal? When will we be okay again?

Here it is: I borrowed the title of this post from something that happened years ago on a camping trip in Italy. I was with my sister walking back from the shower rooms. Our brother was on his way back from the men’s shower. As our trails converged we heard a young boy’s voice shout in a heavy English accent, confused frustration: What I’d like to know is: what am I supposed to do with this piece of soap?!? – He had no idea, no clue, though it seemed so obvious: put it in a wash cloth or a baggie and pack it up in your toiletry kit. This kid was without an answer, left hanging, feeling all alone out there handling something he’d never faced before. But he had the answer in his own hand. I wanted to tell him: you’re not alone, there is a place for everything, clean it up, put it where it belongs.

We have more than a piece of soap to manage.
But we do have resolution in our own hands.
And we aren’t alone. There are many of us here.

People around us won’t understand. But then, they aren’t in our shoes.

The loss comes in two waves. Discovering the person we thought loved us and that we love is a liar. We see betrayal, cheating, abuse, stealing, using, – If we stay right here we’ll be hurt pretty much forever and stay very, very confused, sad, angry and vulnerable to the next sociopath.

The other wave of loss is seeing that something we thought was real isn’t. Wasn’t. Ever. This is where we need to be to really recover. This isn’t break up. It’s recovery from trauma of a crime of deception, defrauding and worse.

How do we get from betrayal by someone we loved, who we thought loved us to recovering from an impersonal crime? Carefully. Deliberately. And with time. And patience for ourselves, and huge love for ourselves. And looking at it from their twisted minds... they made this, we didn’t. Seeing it from their eyes knocks the love right out of our hearts and shifts us to recovering from a crimes.

We must do this for ourselves.

“You must be firmly resolved… You must simply make up your mind. … This is what is meant when it is said that it is difficult to be born a human being.” ~ Nichiren Daishonin, Reply to Yasaburo

This sickening reality that there are people who walk among us who only use and ruin other people is not what we want to hear or know. Find a way to accept it. Find a way to resolve the loss that sits well inside our bodies. Find the way back to ourselves. Make this our daily determination.

We can. We can. We can. As gorgeous humans we’re resilient, we’re flexible, we have emotional intelligence and unfathomable courage and pools, even oceans of untapped wisdom. Find healing. Find beautiful again. Make it.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

Join the confidential true love scam™ recovery email list.

Gmailers – always check your “promotions” tab that runs along the top of your inbox. Add jennifer (at) truelovescam (at) com to your contacts.

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PTSD is a Thing After Life with a Sociopath

PTSD is most definitely a thing.
After a sociopath or narcissistic abuser we have it.
Even if our friends or family don’t understand.

— Even if we don’t understand.

girl_face_clip_art_18794[1]It might surprise some of us that the feelings we’re going through are PTSD. It may surprise our family or friends to realize that the pain, the terror, that broken feeling and all the weepy confusion is post traumatic stress. PTSD is a thing after a sociopath or a narcissistic abuser. What we’re feeling is normal. – And unavoidable. PTSD – stands for post traumatic stress disorder.

Post means after. So after trauma stress.  The word, “disorder” might sound intimidating. Not to worry. it isn’t permanent and there’s support in healing and

Here’s the thing: being with the sociopath is trauma from day one, so “post” or after they depart, we’re going to go through feelings that are uncomfortable and feel overwhelmed on the way back to ourselves again.

We’re really gonna be okay.

Post traumatic stress is the fall out in the aftermath of time spent with a sociopath. We don’t have a “disorder” as in, we’re gonna be like this forever and we’re permanently broken. No, this is temporary. PTSD is the normal result of trauma – and we can recover. Just like a cast heals a broken leg, there are specific effective methods and perspectives in order to heal PTSD after a sociopath.

We may feel all or some of the following things in PTSD after a sociopath: Profound fear. Weepiness and physical weakness. Sorrow, grief, despair, depression. Inability to concentrate on daily things, but have our minds flooded with thoughts of what happened. Extreme and sudden weight loss. Illness. Fatigue, abnormal sleep patterns, sleep in the day, but unable to sleep at night, waking in the early morning and not being able to sleep again, can’t sleep at all or sleep all the time. Nightmares. Fear of going places that hold memories related to them. Terrorizing recall of scenarios with them. Confusion, indecision and doubt. Emphatic desire to leave, move, change jobs or make drastic change. We might miss them so much we feel like we could die. We feel broken.

PTSD is a Natural Part of Healing From Trauma

So what is this thing? This post traumatic stress? What causes it? Judy Crane, a therapist in Florida in the U.S. describes the trauma that causes post traumatic stress in this way:

Trauma is… “Anything less than nurturing.
An event or experience that changes your
vision of yourself and your place in the world.~ Judy Crane

We decide what winning is.

In PTSD we are shocked, afraid, scared to death, sad, confused, wanting to die, crying all the time. We feel alone, or want to isolate ourselves, we find no one understands, we feel heavy, dark, overwhelmed, super stressed, grief stricken and wondering why this happened. Thinking it’s our fault, wondering if we’ll ever smile again, ever love again. Wondering how to get from broken to normal. Wanting our life back. There is no other way a person can feel after a collision and entanglement with a sociopath. This is what they do – and they love it. They’re born with an abnormal brain that clashes profoundly with our emotional brain.

Schedule a True Love Scam Recovery™ Session with Jennifer Smith. Things will get clearer. Life will be better. Light bulbs go off. Get a guided tour through the maze of hell back to happiness!

Healing Comes in Stages – Time is On Our Side

The recovery of true love scam comes in stages. Patience and self-love are necessary. Spending time only with those who truly love us is a part of the cure. Establishing and maintaining no contact with the con artist who hijacked our lives is essential. There is without a doubt hope after a sociopath or a narcissist.

If what we’re going through is misunderstood
the recommended healing could be so wrong it makes more damage.
Like putting a cast on our healthy hand instead of our broken leg.

There’s Nothing Wrong with Us – We Can Heal PTSD

Know this: Whatever we think is happening is not at all what they think is happening – it’s like living life in two parallel realities – without our knowing it – the sociopath is quite aware this is going on, this is their normal. – Now the thing is to untangle the intertwined, twisted history of the ride on a Tilt-o-Whirl so we can be free.

One of the most important things we can do is realize: this wasn’t personal. It looked like love, but it wasn’t. It was a raid, a home invasion, a breaking and entering through our hearts. It’s critical we do 3 things: 1. Go No Contact. 2. Really comprehend what a sociopath is. 3. Reframe the nightmare, this means looking at what happened through “sociopath colored glasses.” This wasn’t a relationship – it was a crime. – And keep in mind: No one robs an empty house. We are AWESOME.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Join the confidential true love scam™ email list

Set up recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.

Recovery guidance that changes everything.

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Hope After a Sociopath or a Narcissist

Hope is inherent in life itself.
Yes. This they cannot steal.

“Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. Its definitions include: expect with confidence and to cherish a desire with anticipation. Among its opposites are dejection, hopelessness and despair.” ~ Wikipedia

How do we find hope again
in the middle of despair?


Entangled by A Narcissistic Sociopath 

What we go through as the target of narcissistic abuse, as the prey of a sociopath is indescribable to those who haven’t been through it. The trauma leaves singular effects. We’re terrorized. We’re left with emotional devastation. We’re left with financial ruin. We’re left pulling children back together from exposure to the tactics of monsters who only pretended to love them and often directly abused them. We mourn their innocence and the betrayal of our own hearts; sorrow lays heavy in our bones. Where is the hope after a sociopath or a narcissist?

Depression and despair seem constant companions.
We wake with them, sleep with them.
How is there hope after a sociopath or a narcissist?

Post traumatic stress keeps us in fight or flight. New challenges facing court and restraining orders and child custody battles keep us in ongoing shock. How, how, how is there hope after a sociopath or a narcissist?!

Hope After a Narcissistic Sociopath

Hope after a sociopath or a narcissist is harder to envision when he or she may have turned our own family against us. They may not understand what we’re going through. They may be mesmerized by him/her. — Our friends may have become his friends as they are influenced by the games of the socialized psychopath. We may feel entirely alone.

Here’s why we don’t give up.

“No matter how hopeless or bleak things appear,
the moment always comes when suddenly our spirit revives, and hope is reborn.
That is why we must never give up.” ~ Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

This is when we live for ourselves and create value.

5 Tips to Finding Hope After a Sociopath (Sometimes Called a Narcissist)

1.   Stop self blame.
2.   Accept they were not real; they will not change.
3.   Mark boundaries and keep them. Go No Contact immediately.
4.   Find our reason for being.
5.   Move forward and fly.

Stop self blame. There is nothing we could have done differently. It was not our fault. We were targeted for our kindness, loyalty, warmth, magnanimity, faithful nature, respectability and loving hearts. Loving is not a crime. Defrauding is. We were hijacked and robbed.

Understand What a Sociopath Is

Accept they were not who or what we thought; they will not change. They are wired differently. A sociopath does not have the capacity to love or care for anyone. A narcissist may love in their way, but their way causes great damage. They will not change. With them there is no fair discussion, no apology, no remorse. This was not a relationship. There is no healthy resolution other than creating our own life without them – beyond them.

We are left in post traumatic stress which includes a state of hopelessness. But within that dark realm there is a light to reach toward.  Here’s an easy test for PTSD; take it now and later, or periodically, maybe at 3 month intervals. It’s encouraging to move from scoring in the highest segment of indicators for suffering from PTSD after a sociopath to living entirely free of PTSD. We do finally land in the category of those who know, those who have won, those who are free and healthy, but can help others because of our journey.

We are on this earth to help others.
This is love. This is joy.

Mark Our Territory – Stand Up For Our Lives

No contact is essential. No joking around. Establishing no contact is primary. It’s simple — if there is no contact, there is no more game; no more defrauding. If there is no contact there is no control, except our own. We’re in charge. As each day and each week and each month passes we see the episode with clearer eyes. — We see the monster behind the mask. This sets us free, and in some moments, makes us feel discouraged. For this reason we must frequently go back to: Number 1. Stop self blame. There is nothing we could have done differently. We were chosen because we are awesome. Stay awesome.

Find our reason for being. A golden rope to pull us up and out. Keep pulling no matter what. Love scam recovery comes in stages. Use patience, self-love and kindness with ourselves.

Move forward and fly. Each day. Each hour. Sometimes minute by minute. We don’t need to have the solution, and the fix, and the answer and have it all resolved at once. Take each bit— bit by bit. We don’t need all the answers today. Only one.

We will feel the moment when suddenly our spirit revives, and hope is reborn. Look for it. Find it. Expect – demand – positive outcomes; expect with confidence and cherish a desire with anticipation. The desire to be free. To laugh again. To see the future as a bright open space — a place we welcome.

Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Set up some true love scam™ recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith.
Guidance out of hell.

Join the confidential true love scam™ recovery email list.

Gmailers – always check your “promotions” tab that runs along the top of your inbox. Add jennifer (at) truelovescam (at) com to your contacts.

Visit truelovescam’s profile on Pinterest.

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True Love Scam participates in affiliate advertising programs. Any clicks or purchases made via ads on the site gives TLS a small commission that goes towards operating the site. This is very much appreciated. Every bit is good.
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PTSD After a Sociopath

Weeping. Despair. Grief. Confusion.
Weight loss. Financial ruin.
Guilt. Shame. Uncertainty. Loss. A shattered life.
Depression. Doubt. Isolation.

sad face[1]

PTSD after a sociopath is normal – and intense. We feel broken and destroyed. – We are not.

For some it feels like a mental and emotional break down. We can heal. Even when we feel like we’re losing our minds. – We are not.

Specific care at this time is essential.

Patience with ourselves during the cycle of recovery will get us through the backsliding and up-swings and finally, healing. Some opt for therapy or counselling.

It’s best to have someone who’s been through this nightmare themselves. It’s one thing to understand all this in theory, it’s another to know what this is first hand.

PTSD After Narcissistic “Use” is Normal

PTSD is unavoidable after a sociopath – there’s nothing wrong with us. We’d call it “abuse ” if we were in a real relationship – we were not. These are crimes.

We’ve been attacked: targeted, wrapped up and dragged through a world of deceit, lies, deception, betrayal, illusion, delusion by a being with a criminal mind who has no concern for us whatsoever. There was no relationship. This is not failed relationship counselling. We’re not codependent. We’re not in denial. Sociopaths cannot devalue us.

Dr. Martha Stout says in The Sociopath Next Door: A person who has no conscience can instantly recognize someone who is decent and trusting. – The shameless know us much better than we know them.

Recovery from PTSD AFter a Narcissistic Sociopath

We need real support from those who truly understand what has happened. These aren’t relationships – they’re crimes as yet largely unrecognized by the legal system.

We’re left to recover our emotional, physical, mental and financial health. Reconciling that nothing is real – not the sex, not the relationship, not one single moment was what we thought it was – this takes support.

Want a one-on-one True Love Scam RecoverySession with Jennifer Smith? Answers. Relief. Explanations. A hand up out of the mind-blowing shock, the grief that tears us down, the anxiety and fear that eats us alive night and day. – The skills to forge our own recovery and a sociopath free future. We are gorgeous & amazing! 

There are answers. We can heal.

Reframe the NIghtmare with a Sociopath – Understand a Sociopath’s Mind

The bizarre, the terrifying, the painful – as well as the good times with the monster who raided our lives will be in our minds almost constantly. Looking at these things from the mind of the sociopath puts everything in perspective. This allows us to see the sociopath behind the mask this sets us free

This is a time to find, or dust off and renew faith. Faith in life, faith in a spiritual belief, faith in our own value, faith in the love of our children. – Find a core to anchor to. Reactivate our raison d’etre. Revitalize our purpose on this planet. Find a reason to go on. To stand up. To put our feet on the floor each morning and cause fear and evil to run.

There are very simple ways to rewire the trauma in our lives to heal. 

Trauma and Shock Can Ravage Our Health – Take Care

Stress causes a great strain on our physical health. Taking super mega-stress protecting vitamins is recommended. Lemon juice in water with raw honey everyday and brewer’s yeast tablets which provide “b” vitamins protecting the brain from stress, go a long way in repairing and safe-guarding our mental and physical health.

Health problems from stress are easy to rebalance.

We need deep support, homeopathy is highly effective – Homeopathy causes our bodies to remember perfect balanced health. Homeopathy is a form of diagnosis and of medical treatment like no other. It’s from Germany in the 1800’s. It will calm the horror of the moment and cause healing throughout our physical and emotional body. The homeopathic remedies most used for grief and loss and shock: Aconite, or Ignatia or Arnica.

Rebuild Health After a Sociopath

Medications, Alcohol and Drugs

During PTSD after a sociopath we’re likely to look to alcohol, weed or other drugs to handle the shock, overwhelm, mind-blowing stress and trauma. Avoid this as much a s possible and within reason. Even non-drinkers dive in for a glass or 3 of wine or vodka in the months of PTSD after a sociopath. If you have a tendency to over use alcohol or any substance you will surely find yourself out of control in PTSD after a sociopath. Take care.

Sad, Mad, Crying, Shaking – Wishing they Were Dead (Then Feeling Guilty)

Acknowledge the sadness. When the weeping comes let it. Say, “Hello despair. Leave your shoes on, I know you won’t be staying long.” — It’s now known that giving a name to, and a nod to, our emotions eases their sting and brings comfort and relief. Remind ourselves when we sigh oh, so heavily for the 37th time in one day: “I’m sad right now. That’s okay. I won’t be later.” and “It’s okay. I’m okay. I’ll laugh again soon.”

Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Emotional Care are on the PTSD Recovery Menu

Give yourself as much care as you can. Massage, yoga, meditation, renewed faith, new faith, walking, sleep. Spend time with friends who know how to listen and not judge, family who really cares deeply without criticism. Be very, very, patient. It takes time. Stay away from romantic relationships for now. No hook-ups. Dating after dating a sociopath is for later. Much later.

No One Robs and Empty House – We are Awesome

We are awesome, amazing, loyal, smart, magnanimous women – and men – that’s why the predatory sociopath selected us to cast their spell upon. They needed our power to do their bidding. – Without our greatness and belief in them sociopaths would not exist. Those same admirable humanistic traits and deep values are what allowed us to see behind the mask. It is us ourselves who set us free.

We’re supportive and forgiving, we hold humanity in high regard – some of the best of the best are the prey of sociopaths. Celebrate how wonderful we are. There’s a way out of the labyrinth of hell. It is you. It is our inner beauty, strength, kindness and compassion… shine them on ourselves. Embrace your life. You are awesome.

 Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!

Time to thrive!

Join the confidential true love scam recovery™ email list.
New posts & encouragement fly to your inbox.

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