Category Archives: ITS OVER

Get rid of the trash.

Holiday Hoovering: Seasonal Lies

Holiday hoovering is happening! Read all about it: Here we are again in the thick of the holiday season. It arrives in songs about sleighbells in the grocery store, decorations, and television commercials, nowadays sadly, well before the last Halloween ghost has faded away and the last lone foil-wrapped chocolate witch is eaten.

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Hoovering Happens: Understand What’s Up

Like the Cat in the Hat,
the troublemaker comes back.
Hoovering.
What’s a person to do?

Hoovering is annoying and scary. The threat of hoovering is beyond the imagination of anyone who hasn’t been in this kind of nightmare. Anyone leaving a relationship replete with narcissistic abuse knows that in the end, things get scary. We can put an end to hoovering.

The “narcissist” – that is to say, the sociopath – lets out a side of themselves that might be our first glimpse at their genuine absolute wack-o-self. It’s all in the name of attempting to keep us locked in and to be sure we aren’t getting them in trouble.

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Leaving a Sociopath, a Narcissist: 5 Breakup Musts

Leaving a narcissistic user is no ordinary breakup.
It’s an escape from terror, abuse, and harm.
Five steps ensure safety in the break up from hell.

The breakup is up to us. Let’s hear that again because it’s hard to believe: the breakup is up to us. When disengaging from what we thought was the most amazing relationship ever, that has turned into pain and something scarier than we have words to describe, the end of it – breaking away – is up to us.

Predators use and take, not because they’re allowed to, but because of what they are and therefore, it’s what they do.

Once you’ve left that person you’re calling a “narcissist” and wondering what they are exactly – and likewise if you’ve landed on calling them a sociopath – there’s one thing for sure: If you’re still trying to be friends with them or calling them up or answering their messages, you’re putting yourself in danger.

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Holiday Hoovering: Prime Hunting Season

Holiday hoovering is about
the sociopath’s need to restock.
They replenish their stores using our sentimentality
of the season as a trap.
For us, it’s annoying, disturbing, and dangerous.
It can land as back to square one.
Let’s side-step that malarkey.

Holiday hoovering puts a bitter twist and a gut-wrenching anxiety into our holiday season. For us, holiday hoovering is torture. The sociopath – or the “narcissist” if that’s the word you use for them invests in holiday hoovering. It’s necessary; it’s to assure their future.

…And then there’s the boomerang. That “old friend” who pops back up…The Holiday hoover or boomerang can land as back to square one. Straight in the figgy pudding. Let’s side-step that malarkey.

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What Is a Sociopath?

Sociopath, psychopath, antisocial psychopath…
That’s what a psychologist friend told me he was.
I didn’t know what that meant,
but I knew it was true.

Sociopath… Now there’s a big scary word. I remember the first time I heard it in connection to the man I was married to. It was a friend’s attempt to explain the nightmare “relationship” I was escaping. I recall my heightened senses and the hesitance with which I took that word in. Sociopath…psychopath…

The weirdness of the first time I held the idea of a sociopath…whatever that was because I certainly didn’t know, up next to the nutbag I was kicking out of my life is something I haven’t forgotten.

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Divorce: Legal Advice for Leaving a “Narcissist”

Caught under their spell, married in hell.
There’s only one ending.
Divorce or annulment are inevitable.
We need legal advice..

Divorce from a narcissist or sociopath is required for millions of us. So why isn’t there a “Quick Guide” to divorce one of these monsters? I know I could have used one when filing and, thankfully winning the annulment I got!

Divorce is an unavoidable legal procedure if we married a “narcissist”. That is to say, if we’re married to a sociopath, we’ll most likely be getting a divorce. This dreaded and costly legal process is another one of the frightening inexplicably hellish necessities if we’ve married a conman (or conwoman), a psychopath.

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No Contact: Leaving a Pathological Parasite

No-contact is outside our comfort zone.
It’s a new skill that our
wellbeing depends on.

No contact is extremely unnatural and feels completely weird. Cutting someone off isn’t our “norma”l. Normal people don’t just ghost. As normal limbic-brained humans, our biological wiring compels us to connect and care.

There’s a deep internal connection thing that goes on spontaneously between ourselves and others. It isn’t easy for us to drop someone like a hot potato.

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Sociopaths In Divorce

Divorce is no one’s idea of a good time.
Divorce is hard, exhausting,
and in the case of a sociopath,
narcissist or psychopath in divorce, it’s treacherous.

Sociopaths in a divorce go on a rampage that boggles, frightens, and brings the normal spouse to their knees physically, mentally, and emotionally. You might feel you want a protection order. Not to mention the financial blows during your time with them. In the divorce process, there’s more to come.

What the heck is happening? Why do they do this? I can tell you, it isn’t just to make you suffer, though it does. The sociopath, or the narcissist, has an entirely more important and self-focused need to act upon than your feelings. Let’s talk about what that is, and see how we can minimize this damage and distress.

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Six Shades of Sociopath

The truth is: a sociopath by any other name
is still a sociopath.
The irrelevant-for-recovery DSM
trips us up in seeing what’s really happening.
Underneath it all, they’re identically pure poop.

For amusement and because we need classifications that are useful to resolve this sickeningly real situation, I’ve assigned categories to distinguish variations of a sociopath (aka narcissist) that matter to us. – Unlike the categories in the DSM. Every sociopath creates a persona to live by. They need a front, a “personality” to present which is constructed as a face of normal.

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Experts Can Have It Wrong

People like to tell those who’ve been
in narcissistic abuse that it was their fault.
This is natural.
It’s the human way of self-assurance
that it could never happen to them.

We all know the familiar feeling that we’re to blame for being hijacked by one of these monsters. Most people around us don’t understand what’s really happening…we don’t understand what’s happened! But there was one thing I knew for sure: it wasn’t my fault. It had nothing to do with me. My time was spent finding out how it did happen. Who – or what – was this!? Not all people seek real answers…

Recently I read a new reason to blame yourself for falling into a sociopath’s hands in a Psychology Today article. It blithely summed up the ancient phenomenon of predator and prey by saying, “…your life script issues and unmet relational needs…” are the cause.

Did you know you have life script issues? And please tell me which human in 2022 on this earth does not have unmet relational needs? We’re online, in Zoom meetings, on Instagram, and in Facetime calls rather than face to face with most anyone. But: how does this give another human permission to deceive us, and make use of us for their personal gain?

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